Chapter One - The Last Ride of Edward Hook
A slight twitch of Kye’s right hand set the twin Akrapovic cans growling as the bike rolled forward a couple of feet, before returning to their distinctive low rumble. Indicated turbo pressure was fine. Electrics seemed okay. A quick touch of both brake levers confirmed the pads were gripping the discs nicely.
Clunk.
First gear. Typical grabby clutch, but nothing to worry about. Taking one last drag of his cigarette, Kye flicked it to the ground, extinguishing the butt with his boot.
It had taken the better part of two years to build a bike worthy of running in the TT. A Yamaha R1 crossplane, with a stage three turbo bolted onto the side, modified with a dual carbon battery attached to an electric motor. A unique hybrid system. The bike was overkill, in all honesty.
The race was just as deadly.
The Tourist Trophy, or TT for short, was a controversial motorcycle racing event. Controversial in the sense that almost every year it was held, someone died. Essentially, it was a time trial course set on narrow closed public roads in the Isle of Man, a small island between England and northern Ireland. At the start of the race, the riders would line up and wait for their cue to set off at ten second intervals. The whole event lasted around two weeks each year, often drawing in thousands of spectators.
Heart rate increasing, Kye allowed the bike to roll forward a little further. It was hard to keep the ‘what if?’ scenarios from forming in his mind. Oil on the road? A sticky throttle at the wrong time? Misjudging an apex? All could be deadly when averaging over one hundred and twenty miles per hour on narrow roads. There wasn't any run off area to slide merrily along on his leather-clad ass if he binned it.
The crowd roared louder with every rider that set off, and Kye glimpsed Larry, a middle aged Cross Racing Tech representative, giving him a fleeting thumbs up from the sidelines. Cross Racing Tech was the aftermarket bike parts manufacturer that had sponsored Kye to race in the TT, and it had been Larry who had found Kye—burning through his third set of tyres at a Silverstone track day. After rolling into the pits with the top spot on the podium, a deal was struck.
Now only three bikes from the start line, Kye was half-regretting agreeing to go through with it. A small man wearing a bright yellow high-visibility jacket and holding a camera three times the size of his head was hovering around the start line like an overgrown wasp. Kye gave an obligatory wave to the lens as the rider in front of him tore away. Rolling the last few feet to the start line, he took a deep breath and tried to focus on the turn sequences he’d memorised over the seemingly countless practice runs he’d completed.
With a twitch of his wrist, Kye pegged the engine at a constant four thousand RPM.
“Five seconds,” someone called. Kye didn’t know who. All his concentration was now on the empty street ahead. An eerie sense of calm descended on his mind as the umpire tapped his shoulder.
The bike jolted forward, and the tail end wavered for a split second as the tyre found traction, immediately sending the front wheel up into the air when it did. One desperate lunge over the tank later and Kye managed to level it out, the bike tearing past the seating stands on the rear wheel, before gently touching back down. The dump valve gave a loud hiss as he changed up to second.
Trying not to think of all the embarrassing YouTube footage of that costly cock-up that was sure to be uploaded, he sailed through the first corner without issue. Trees, people, lampposts and buildings all flew past in a blur of colour. The rush of the wind was deafening, and the bumps in the road were throwing the bike around like a rag doll, but he couldn’t afford to let fear roll the throttle back.
The line markings on the road soon became nothing but a blur as Kye navigated the twists and turns, the bike leaving a snarling symphony in his wake. Glancing down at the speedometer, he cringed a little. One of the mechanics had forgot to disconnect it. Suddenly knowing you’re doing one hundred and sixty eight miles per hour on a road that was only designed for forty is not a good feeling.
A crest in the road sent the bike airborne for a moment, and Kye focused on keeping the bars dead straight. He’d seen many tank slappers as a result of a crooked landing, and had no intentions of becoming another statistic. Thankfully, the bike landed perfectly, dead on the line that set him up to take the next corner at a decent speed. It was a blind one, but Kye didn’t slow down. His time had to be damn near perfect to be in with a shot of actually-oh shit!
A TT official was vigorously waving a yellow flag from behind a low stone wall to the left of the road. The right side was flanked by a tall hedge. Dead ahead was what seemed like a wall of fire. He had nowhere to go, and the speedometer read one hundred and no chance of stopping in time.
Well. Shit.
Time seemed to slow down. The flames grew nearer as the rush of air, the whine of the turbo, and the growl of the exhausts became somehow… muted. Kye didn’t even attempt to grab the brake lever. He couldn’t.
People often say that life flashes by in the face of death, but that wasn’t what was happening here. Kye could see everything in perfect clarity, but he could do nothing to prevent what was now seemingly inevitable. He closed his eyes as the flames engulfed him.
He waited for the collision. For the wheels to be swept from beneath him. For the shock, then the pain. But, it didn’t come. Instead, the ground disappeared from beneath his wheels, and then there was silence.
The bars were still clasped tightly in his grip, vibrating.
Vibrating?
The seat beneath him was also vibrating, almost as if the engine was growling away at idle. There was an odd smell of ozone in the air. He opened his eyes, and immediately regretted doing so. Sound seemed to burst back into life. The engine was indeed still running. The Isle of Man, however, seemed to have vanished completely.
It had been replaced by the colour purple, and nothing else. Everywhere Kye looked, was purple. The bike, and he himself also seemed to be weightless.
“What the...” he yelled, his voice devoid of reverb. There was nothing for it to bounce off of.
Unsure of what he was supposed to do, he looked down at the clocks. Turbo pressure was fine, fuel gauge just below full. The Speedometer was reading twenty seven miles per hour. The bike was still in third gear, apparently, the rear wheel spinning merrily.
“I’m… I’m dead, aren’t I?” he said aloud. To no one.
Even though there was no visible source of light, Kye could still see the bike. Even though there ought to be no atmosphere, the engine was still running, and he was still breathing. This place didn’t make any sense.
He blinked, and in the time it took for his eyes to re-open, a barrage of activity assaulted his senses. The void went completely black. The bike was suddenly screaming at the redline, the suspension compressing hard as it came into contact with a solid surface. He felt the rush of cool air over his race suit.
Grabbing the brakes in reflex, he managed to bring the bike to a jerky stop. The only light that could be seen was coming from a silvery orb in the sky, an astounding multitude of stars and the headlight on the front of the bike illuminating what appeared to be a dirt track.
* * *
“Oi, Dave. Turn the telly up, will ya?”
A fatigued barman snatched the remote from the counter, pointing it over his shoulder at the flatscreen mounted on the wall.
“… onto motorsport now, and we have some breaking news. The popular road racing event—the Isle of Mann TT, has just been red flagged. Our correspondent Jane Valderama is live at the scene.”
“Yes Martha, three riders down. One dead, one missing, and one seriously injured. Early reports suggested that acclaimed TT rider Edward Hook lost control of his Suzuki GSXR1000, losing traction over a crest and slamming into the stone wall of a tavern. Eyewitnesses say he died immediately on impact.”
“Ian Bronson, riding a BMW S1000RR, is also said to have high-sided as he attempted to avoid the wreckage. He has since been airlifted to Noble’s Hospital, and is being treated for a broken back.”
“Newcomer Kye Lawson was also unable to stop his Yamaha R1 in time, riding straight into the fire from the ruptured tank of the Suzuki. Neither rider, nor motorcycle has yet been recovered. Officials are still perplexed as to his whereabouts. He was not spotted leaving the scene, nor anywhere else on the circuit. No motorcycle wreckage has been identified, other than the remains of the GSXR…”
“Poor bastards. Where’d ya reckon Yammie’s new boy went, eh?”
“Dunno, mate,” replied the barman absentmindedly.
“This is Jane Valderama, with your deadly motorcycle racing news.”
* * *
Race bikes didn't normally have headlights. Kye was thankful his ride wasn't a typical race bike. Being road legal, it had lights and turn signals. Even a horn and number plate. Not that any of the latter was doing him any good. Assuming he wasn’t lying by the side of the road in the Isle of Mann, a fresh corpse or a comatose vegetable, he could only assume something uncommonly extraordinary had happened.
“I can’t be dead,” he muttered into the cool breeze seeping into his helmet. “Why… Why would the bike be here?” His voice was inaudible, drowned out by the engine rumbling happily away beneath him.
The only logical explanation that came to mind was that this was indeed a “Life on Mars” type of scenario. Great, the nineteen seventies is just what I fucking need.
Silently hoping he hadn’t fallen into a TV show, Kye resolved to just keep riding. This dirt path had to lead to somewhere, right? Wherever that somewhere was, there was no indication of how far it would be. No artificial light shone from the horizon. Only an abnormally large moon accompanied by a magnificent plethora of cosmological artistry shone down on the terrain. The night sky was unlike any he had ever laid eyes on. Countless stars, discernible gas clouds, even entire galaxies adorned the deepest of purple backdrops.
With a sigh of desperation, Kye flicked the headlight switch to high beam and set off along the path to the unknown.
* * *
“Get up! You have no clients today, and you promised to help me run the sweet stall, you lazy whorse!”
“Mmmph,” Lyra Heartstrings, still dead to Equestria in her pit of blankets and pillows, groaned. “S’too early,” she yawned, only partially opening her eyes. The day was much too young to be getting up. Blankets much too warm.
“Oh, no. You're not flanking out now,” Bon Bon growled through gritted teeth, and a mouthful of blanket, by the sounds of it.
*le tug.
The blanket was ripped away, sending Lyra pirouetting through the air. She bounced off the side of her dresser and landed in a heap on the floor. “Luna’s royal box! Bonnie!” Lyra muttered, rubbing the side of her head with a forehoof and glaring daggers at the earth pony.
The cream-coated mare spat out a mouthful of blanket. “Get ready. We have work to do,” she said, before trotting briskly from the room without another word.
Lyra scowled. Her roommate may have had candy on her ass, but she was far from sugar and sweetness at times. Cursing her past-self for agreeing to sit in a busy marketplace and sell confectionary all day, the unicorn began her morning ritual.
Like all unicorns, Lyra’s horn was a conduit for the arcane. Unlike all unicorns, however, she had discovered from a young age that she drew more than the average share from the natural harmonious magic of Equador.
A lot more.
So much more, in fact, that it had led to her being an outcast amongst her peers. Nopony wanted to play with the filly who caused the ground to crack and shake, randomly set things on fire, or made things explode. The fear she unintentionally kindled in the hearts of her peers, their parents, and even her teachers had left her childhood devoid of the kind of friendship that others took for granted.
It was only when she was accepted into Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns that she made her first true friend. A curious little filly by the name of Twilight Sparkle. Together, they had learned to properly control their raw abilities. Though, if Lyra was honest, Twilight had definitely developed a more refined technique.
Clearing her mind of all thought, Lyra stood in the middle of her bedroom and closed her eyes. Her morning routine always began with a session of arcane meditation—a practice vital to unicorns everywhere—though perhaps a little more important to those such as Lyra. Failure to partake in a little “cleansing of the magical palette,” as her mother liked to call it, could potentially lead to some highly embarrassing occurrences.
Or, in Lyra’s case, dangerous occurrences.
Her mother often wondered aloud why Lyra’s cutie mark was a Lyre, and not a Staff of Harmony, or something. She certainly didn’t miss the days when her horn was a ticking time bomb. One day, her father had bought her an enchanted yoyo. She had been so excited to play with it that her horn had promptly turned it into a pile of ash. She still couldn’t look her dad in the eye whenever the subject came up, much to his continued amusement.
Another time, her parents had taken her to the Manehattan Zoo. It had once housed a scarlet-back manticore as the main attraction. After Lyra’s visit, all they were left with was an ornate burgundy teapot sitting in the large glass enclosure. Lyra couldn’t remember the details, but according to her parents, it had looked at her funny.
Once she started going to school in Canterlot, however, such occurrences happened less often. Partially thanks—in no small measure—to Twilight. The mare was a genius in the field of arcane science, and probably Lyra’s closest friend alongside Bon Bon. After her recent move to Ponyville, Twilight had proved herself the bearer of the Element of Magic. In short—a perfect companion to aid Lyra in the study of the arcane.
By the time Lyra had allowed the harmony she had absorbed during the night to harmlessly radiate away, sunlight was streaming through her window.
“Enough polishing your horn already! We’re late!” yelled Candy Ass from down the hall.
Lyra scowled, trotting from her room toward her bothersome roommate. The earth mare had somehow managed to precariously balance several brown paper bags full of stock, a worn old cash register and a barrel of cider on her back. In an admittedly impressive display of perseverance and skill, she trotted down the stairs without dropping a thing.
Earth ponies.
If Lyra tried that, she’d probably end up flat on her back in a pile of cider-sodden splinters at the bottom of the stairs, with her horn jammed in the cash register and toffee apples stuck in her mane. Thankfully, her magical ability made such a skill rather redundant.
Carefully levitating the rest of the parcels and bags, she followed Bon Bon down the stairs and out into the streets of Ponyville.
Author's Note
If anyone spots an typos or grammatical errors, let me know, eh?
Dunno why I typed "eh". I'm not even Canadian...
Chapter Two - Acquainted By Nightmare
“Do you have need of anything else, your highness?”
The night guard spoke with clarity, yet it was becoming increasingly more evident that fear was threatening to betray his professional composure. His leathery wings were at unrest, pupils dilated, unspoken pleas for immediate dismissal unmistakable. What was to be the impression of her citizens, if even one of her own nocturne guards now trembled at her mere presence?
“We do not require further assistance. You may return to the carriage.”
Her past self would have punished such insolence. But that was just it—her past self mistook fear for insolence. Her new perspective—courtesy of the six—was beginning to open her eyes, along with her mind, to the errors of her ways.
The night guard wasted no time in giving a hasty salute, before backing out of the chamber and closing the door behind him.
It had been a thousand years since Luna had stepped foot in this place. Time had cruelly turned what was once a majestic site of architectural significance into a broken ruin, and her dear sister had allowed it all to happen. The once pristine pillars holding the chamber up still stood, but they were cracked and tarnished. The walls, once adorned with priceless works of art, now lay barren and derelict.
Luna ground a forehoof into the dust. Tia had had her reasons, and her reasons were indeed sufficient. Still, to see the place Luna held closest to her heart naught but rubble and decay was enough to bring a tear to her eye.
A gust of wind swept through the empty chamber, and Luna turned to see her sister land on the decrepit balcony. An alicorn goddess, unyielding leader and bastion of hope for the citizens of Equestria. Nothing had changed in a thousand years, it seemed. Multi-hued mane still flowing, the nuclear power of a star still abundant. Coat pristine white, and a beauty of which artists through the ages had tried time and time again to replicate in their works.
“Luna, I implore you, this place should be left to history,” Celestia spoke, her voice cracked. Barely a whisper. She sounded older than she ever had. “I… I couldn’t stay here. Not after what happened,” she whispered, her voice breaking. If only her subjects could see their leader now…
Luna’s chest tightened. These thoughts… they were her own, but she did not want them to be. She turned her back once more. “We understand, dear sister. ‘Tis not our place to question your actions.”
Celestia closed her eyes, opening them again after a brief moment. “I lost a sister that night.”
“As did we.” Luna faced Celestia once more.
Celestia looked troubled. Even more so than usual. “What is the reason you followed us here tonight? Our personal progress notwithstanding, we know you would not have done so if it were not of utmost importance.”
Celestia gave a sigh, stepping out onto the balcony and idly surveying the seemingly endless expanse of the Everfree. She smiled. “You haven’t lost your touch, dear sister,” Celestia observed, gazing up at the moon, surrounded by a select few of Luna’s favourite constellations. “My morning meditation was… disturbed, by something.”
Luna joined her sister on the balcony, brows slowly raising. “How so?”
“I could only describe it as a… wave, in the harmony field.”
Luna frowned. “An ill conceived endeavour of one of your harmonically potent graduates, perhaps?”
Celestia rested a golden-horseshoe clad hoof on the balcony railing, still surveying the moonlit forest canopy. “No, whatever it was—it was not generated by a pony, or any creature I have knowledge of.” She paused, eyes unfocused. “I suspect it is an unknown entity, not native to any part of Equador. The only plan of action I have been able to come up with is based on the assumption that it must lay down to rest at some point.”
Luna gave a knowing smile. “And thus, our assistance is required.”
Celestia’s gaze focused on Luna. “We must determine its intentions. I trust you will be able to accomplish this task?”
“We shall make it our top priority,” Luna replied, gazing up at her former prison glowing brightly against the purple sky.
* * *
HISS!
The dumping of pressure, followed by the constant whine of the turbo could just be heard over the cacophony of wind, tyre and engine noise. Kye draped himself over the tank and willed the Yamaha to go even faster. Trees, buildings, lamp posts, spectators—they all flew by, barely distinguishable. Even the road markings were becoming a blur.
With a squeeze of the brake lever, the motorcycle slowed just enough to allow a precise amount of lean angle to the right. The tyres clipped the apex of the corner, as Kye twisted the throttle once more. The front wheel lifted briefly, but a delicate movement of the wrist gently dropped it back on the tarmac.
The next corner was a blind sweeping left hander. Kye leaned the bike over, his knee slider throwing sparks and the top of his helmet skimming the hedge as the vanishing point receded… into a wall of fire.
With a panicked yelp, Kye blindly grabbed the front brake lever. The front tyre refused to yield, however, throwing the rear of the bike into the air, but the flames were already upon him.
The firewall receded after a split second, but the entire front end of the bike was suddenly burning as though it had been soaked in kerosene. Kye grabbed the brakes again, leaning wildly to the left in order to avoid what looked like the petrol-soaked, flaming corpse of a downed rider. Red flags were being vigorously waved by several race officials at the sidelines.
The front brake lever suddenly snapped, sending the bike into an unstoppable understeer off the side of a cliff that hadn’t been present a few seconds earlier. Both rider and motorcycle were thrown into the air. Kye yelled as the ground fell away from him at an alarming rate. He could feel his gloves melting on his hands, smell the pungent odour of burning leather in his nostrils. The bike began spinning in the air, but he was unable to let go—bound by an invisible force. Ground and sky flashed end over end in a hazy blur. The engine tachometer needle was spinning like a propellor, despite the engine screaming at a constant redline. The digital speed indicator spelled out the word “DIE” instead of the usual numbers. Kye closed his eyes and screamed, wishing it would just end.
Then, it did.
* * *
With her quarry finally in sight, Luna allowed the night terror to fade. For a pastime she had once enjoyed, she found herself a little disgusted. What was to be gained from torturing a soul, other than enabling a subject to be located with ease? Cruel amusement? Witnessing the endurance of unending torment? It was truly an abhorrent affair—but a necessary one—when one factored in potential threat to Equestria and her citizens.
The familiar dreamscape materialised. An unending field of grass beneath a cloudless sky. The only points of reference were the sun shining directly overhead, the strange creature curled up on its side, and its even stranger contraption lying a short distance away. It was odd, to say the least. Material possessions usually faded with the dream upon transition to the dreamscape.
“Rise, subject! We wish to speak with you,” Luna commanded, her hooves silently touching down on the grass. Her mind set to work, searching for the answers her sister had requested.
* * *
The pain stopped abruptly, leaving Kye questioning if he had actually felt it at all. Opening his eyes, he discovered he was lying in a field, still shaking from the horrors of the crash. Someone was speaking to him. A feminine voice, projecting and powerful.
Kye pushed himself to a sitting position, spotting the bike fully intact and lying on its side just a few feet away. Had that crash actually happened? Or, was he just imagining things? Glancing around for the woman that was speaking, he spotted something that made his hair stand on end.
If not mistaken, he appeared to be in the company of a blue unicorn. He squinted, his jaw falling open. ‘I must be dead,’ he thought, unable to do anything but stare mindlessly at the creature. It was roughly five feet tall, if you included the long, spiral engraved horn protruding from its head. A black crown rested behind the horn, matching the half-moon adorned regalia around its neck. Four hooved legs the colour of midnight met a slender barrel and torso. A mane and tail resembling the night sky cascaded majestically from its head and rump. Turquoise eyes, seemingly too large to be biologically viable regarded him with caution.
“Be calm. The nightmare is over,” the creature said, large wings the same colour as its coat sprouting from its back. An unmistakable hum of power radiated through the air.
Kye tried to speak, but in a split-second, found himself lunging towards his bike instead. Whatever this place was, he had swiftly arrived at the conclusion that he did not want to be here anymore. Without thought of repercussion, he snatched the Yamaha up and fired up the engine. The crossplane growl filled the void as he sped off over the unusually flat field. He waited for the boundary to appear. A fence perhaps? A hedge? A road? The speedometer read three hundred and seventy-four miles per hour. Kye frowned. There was no way he could be going that fast. He grabbed the brakes, but nothing happened.
The bike was stationary. It had never even moved.
“What the fuck?!” he yelled, stumbling off his ride and scowling at it. The engine stalled. It stood level on its wheels, despite the sidestand being up. He could’ve sworn it had been moving not a moment ago.
“You cannot flee from us in this place. We are its creator.”
Kye spun to face the winged unicorn, his breaths shallow. Heart rate rising. The sun overhead dimmed. “Let me go!” he gasped.
“You need not fear us,” cried the voice, but the darkness was already descending. It engulfed everything, including the winged unicorn.
* * *
With a gasp and a jerk, Kye awoke.
The sun was shining, and his motorcycle leathers clung to his body with sweat. Memories of recent events flooded his mind. The race. The void. The road to nowhere. He had ridden for hours under a moonlit sky, before deciding to take a nap when the road had indeed led him nowhere.
Then of course, the dream. He shivered, though it wasn’t particularly cold. Never had he experienced a vision so lucid, so detailed. Whatever that creature that had spoke to him had been, he was fairly certain it wasn’t a manifestation of his subconscious.
Rising from his makeshift bed of a particularly tall patch of grass, Kye pulled his parked motorcycle back onto the dirt track. The road ran along the boundary of a poppy field, surrounded by a mountain range on one side and a thick forest on the other. The unmistakable urban-sprawl of a town lay up ahead on the horizon. Buildings, street lights, roads.
Civilisation.
Though, what kind of civilisation was anyone’s guess.
* * *
The creature vanished, claimed by the waking world. His mind was as deep and complex as any pony’s, but it was so shrouded in fear that it had been difficult to decipher anything of use. His thoughts were of Equestrian tongue, but had been too disjointed to effectively read.
Luna too, returned. She awoke in her new quarters in Canterlot Castle.
Once again, she lived a life of extravagance, returned to favour by her sister’s assurances. Though Princess Celestia had not changed much in a thousand years, Equestria had. Many of the old traditions had been lost to the ages, and in the few weeks since her return, Luna couldn’t help feeling like an old relic of a world that no longer was.
A knock on the chamber door pulled Luna from her self-deprecating thoughts. “Enter.”
The door swung open to reveal a royal guard stallion, as white as Celestia herself. He gave a hasty salute. “Princess Celestia has requested a meeting at your earliest convenience, your highness,” he said, before giving another salute even hastier than the first, and disappearing so fast Luna began to question if he had in fact been a fleeting apparition.
With an inaudible sigh, Luna teleported her regalia and crown from her nightstand to her person and got out of bed. Another flash of her horn, and her bed was neatly made.
Yet another flash, and she was standing in front of an extravagant court bench constructed of solid marble. Her sister was sitting behind it, before a courtroom full of ponies. A series of cries, gasps and panicked whispers abounded, all of which Luna ignored.
“THOU SUMMONED US, SISTER!” Luna bellowed, quite deliberately. “THIS IS OUR EARLIEST CONVENIENCE!”
The whispers grew louder. One middle-aged, slightly overweight mare actually pulled out a fan and started flapping it at her cheek. Princess Celestia did not look very amused.
“Court is temporarily adjourned,” she announced to the room, before striding from her perch to a doorway next to the jury box. “Princess Luna, if you would?”
Luna followed her sister into the small, wood lined room, closing the door behind her. “Next time you wish to speak with us, come to us thyself. We shall not be summoned by servant,” Luna huffed.
Celestia sighed. “This is an important case, Luna. I won’t always have time to get messages to you myself. Anyway, what’s more important is the creature. Did you manage to find it?”
“We found it, in the realm of dreams. We assume its gender to be male, though we were unable to learn much else. We cannot say if he would pose a threat to Equestria, though we fear his appearance would certainly create a panic,” not unlike the effect we have on ponies, Luna silently finished.
“Have you learned his physical location?” Celestia asked, her voice betraying worry.
“Nay. We saw visions of mountains and forests in his recent recollections, but none clear enough to determine his whereabouts.”
Celestia paused, rubbing a forehoof over her eyes, her flowing mane looking a little duller than usual. “Mountains and forests,” she sighed. “That could be anywhere.”
Luna scowled. “Dream interpretation is not as easy as some would assume. We cannot just locate a subject and instantly gain knowledge of every little deta-”
“I know, Luna,” Celestia interrupted. She smiled. “Please don’t assume I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done.”
Luna sighed, eventually returning her sister’s smile. “We found him once. We can do so again.”
Chapter Three - Five Ponies... and a Lizard
“Stop that!” Bon Bon chastised.
“What?” Lyra exclaimed, through a mouthful of pilfered gumdrops. Her theatrics would have fooled the average pony, but Bon Bon was wise. Either that, or she had eyes in the back of her mane.
“If you keep eating the stock, we’ll have nothing to sell,” Bon Bon muttered, confiscating the jar of gumdrops and offering it to a small jet black colt instead. He grinned from ear to ear, hastily scooping a couple hooffulls into a paper bag. His mother, a silver pegasus mare, held out a wingtip. Two small golden bits were perched on one of her primary feathers. Bon Bon accepted them with a friendly smile, bidding the pair farewell. The mare returned a grin of her own, before leading her son away through the busy marketplace.
“I’m bored,” Lyra complained, watching the mother and son stroll happily away, free to do whatever they pleased. Being late spring, the day was a glorious one. The sun shone over a cloudless sky, and it seemed everypony was enjoying the weather pegasi’s efforts. Lyra could think of countless things she would rather be doing on such a day.
Unfortunately, Bon Bon took the declaration to mean that Lyra wanted more work to keep her busy. “Here—make yourself useful and separate these lemon hearts from these sherbert lemons. Somepony mixed them up.”
Lyra sighed, levitating the jar of lemon flavoured candies. “I have an old friend named Lemon Hearts from back when I lived in Canterlot. She would probably find this tedious as well…” Not to mention needlessly nitpicky, Lyra finished in her head.
Evidently, Bon Bon had adopted selective hearing, as she held out a hoof to greet another old friend of Lyra’s. A lavender unicorn, her nose buried in a length of parchment, and her two-tone purple mane and tail looking a shade unkept. It was only when the small purple and green dragon perched on her back tapped a claw to her shoulder that she even noticed Bon Bon was there.
“Huh?” She blinked. “Oh, Bon Bon! Hi!” she said, finally bumping a forehoof against Bon Bon’s.
Lyra blew a mock-kiss at her old friend. “Twilight! Nice to see a pretty face,” she said, adding a wink for good measure.
Twilight rolled her eyes, though her cheeks reddened a shade. Too easy. “Hello, Lyra. I hope you’ve been keeping out of trouble.”
“Please—as if I would be so mischievous as to cause trouble,” Lyra chuckled, unscrewing the lid off the lemon confectionary jar and levitating the candies inside it around in a mini tornado.
“Got any gems?” the dragon asked Bon Bon. He slid off Twilight’s back, his eyes scanning the various candies laid out on the stall.
Bon Bon grabbed a small jar from the back row. It was filled with tiny crystals of different colours that glinted in the sunlight. Lyra raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? Dragons are the only species that can even digest those, yet you still have them?”
“Of course! I’d never forget about Spikey-Wikey,” she said, affectionately ruffling his scales and setting the jar down within his reach. Spike grinned, before whirling around on the spot and levelling big green puppy-dog eyes at Twilight.
Twilight considered the dragon for the briefest of moments. “Fine, but don’t fill up on them. We still have to have lunch,” she said, her horn flashing. A small pouch full of bits appeared, and Twilight was halfway through levitating a few coins out of it before Bon Bon waved her down.
“On the house, Twilight,” Bon Bon insisted.
“No, don’t be silly. Of course I’ll pay-”
“No, really, Twilight. We’re friends-” Bon Bon began, but stopped as her words were almost drowned out by a bizarre roaring sound that was getting steadily louder. Her face fell, a look of fear crossing her features.
Lyra stiffened. She’d seen that look on her friend’s face only once before—in the presence of the nightmare returned from exile. Anything that scared Bon Bon so much was not okay in her book. “Twi…” Lyra began.
Twilight looked confused, more than anything else. “What is that?” she asked, craning her neck over the crowd. Ponies had definitely started to take notice, several of them shrieking. Pegasi took to the air for a better view, some of them nearly falling out of the sky in shock not a moment later.
Spike cracked open the jar of gems, throwing a clawful into his mouth and climbing back up onto Twilight’s back to try and get a better view. Lyra charged her horn, ready to blast away anything that might harm her friends.
“Rainbow Dash?” Twilight yelled, her eyes tracking a sky blue pegasus mare soaring overhead. She would have been difficult to spot if it weren’t for her rainbow mane and tail leaving a shimmering contrail.
“Look out!” Rainbow Dash yelled to the crowd, who began to scatter in all directions even before the words had left her mouth. “Twilight,” she gasped, finally spotting the unicorn, “we need to stop this thing!”
“What thi-” Lyra began to ask, but her breath abandoned her when she spotted said thing heading straight for her.
“Gah!” Lyra yelped. A strange creature, barrelling along atop a growling two-wheeled contraption was making a beeline for her. Panic clouded her mind, chasing her focus away. Her charged horn took advantage of the distraction and fired a beam of volatile amber plasma right into the middle of the fleeing ponies. Oh, Celestia! No! Lyra pointed her horn skyward, but not quickly enough.
Somehow, the beam managed to miss the panicked crowd, also narrowly missing the contraption itself. It instead slammed into an apple stand, causing a violent explosion of wood and produce. The remaining ponies that hadn’t yet fled were showered with debris, some of it on fire.
“Yikes!” Twilight yelped. The unicorn’s horn flared, dousing the flames with a gushing torrent of soap suds. Spike threw another clawful of gems in his mouth, observing the scene as though it was the fifth act of a mildly entertaining play.
The contraption’s growls and pops quickly turned into screams and bangs. Probably because it thinks I just tried to kill it, Lyra thought. It sprayed fire and dirt from its rear, its front rearing up as it took off through the marketplace.
“I think you made it mad!” Rainbow Dash yelled, shooting off after the creature.
“Twahlight! What in tarnation is goin’ on here? Mah… Mah apple stand!” yelled Applejack—an orange earth pony with a tri-apple cutie mark. She threw her stetson to the ground.
“Um… That was actually me… Sorry,” Lyra shamefully admitted.
“You? Lyra—that blast could’ve killed somepony!” Applejack shot back.
Lyra’s ears dropped a shade. “It was an accident,” Lyra feebly replied, her words all but drowned out by the screams of the ponies and the contraption.
The strange machine roared its way back around the marketplace, recklessly knocking over barrels and narrowly avoiding crates of stock. Two bright, almost blinding lights shone from its front. All but the most curious of ponies had fled. Those remaining had taken to hiding behind the abandoned stalls.
“Enough is enough,” Applejack growled. She produced a length of rope from Luna knew where, and made a spinning lasso. Taking aim, she launched the rope toward the contraption, keeping the end of it clenched firmly in her jaws. It wrapped around the rear end of the machine, and Applejack’s eyes shone in triumph… for all of about two seconds, that is.
The earth pony was strong, without a doubt, but she clearly had a severe disadvantage in the weight department. The machine dragged her off her hooves in an instant, and she bounced around like a ragdoll for a few hundred yards before finally letting go and careening into a pie stand.
“Applejack!” Twilight cried, teleporting with a loud ‘crack’ and a flash of light to the downed farm pony. Spike fell to the floor, cursing the unicorn under his breath as he grumpily gathered up the clawful of gems he’d dropped.
Lyra took aim at the creature, this time allowing her mind to focus. “Ah’m fine,” Lyra heard Applejack grunt from somewhere behind her, probably waving down Twilight’s mollycoddling.
Clearly, a tactile approach was needed. If she could just take the contraption out of the equation, then the situation could be salvaged without needless casualty. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash had other ideas.
THWACK.
The prismatic pegasus—in true ego-horse style—slammed herself into the front of the contraption with the grace and delicacy of a timberwolf in a forest fire. She was punted off it like a feathery pinball, flying head over crotch-tits through the side window of a house and disappearing completely. Lyra barely had time to stifle a fit of laughing her flanks off before having to hastily pull Bon Bon out of the way.
The machine crashed into the sweet stall, it’s rear-end rising up and throwing the creature riding atop it into a pile of hay bales behind the next stall over. Several jars shattered, sending glass shards and candies in all directions as the contraption fell on its side and finally stopped growling.
With the dust gradually settling, the marketplace was left deathly silent. Lyra doubted it had ever been so quiet on a Saturday before.
Not that it lasted. The creature began stirring, but Rainbow Dash—apparently having pulled all the glass shards from her feathers—swooped down and pinned the creature to the ground with her forehooves. “Stay right where you are!” she yelled.
The creature, however, did not.
It grabbed Rainbow Dash by the wings with dragon-like appendages, launching her into the air. Rainbow caught herself almost instantly, but was a bit more wary of approaching it again. “Hey!” she chastised, but the creature rose up on bipedal legs. It was almost as tall as a minotaur, though marginally less menacing.
It shouted something inaudible and slightly muffled, and began waving its arms and pointing at Rainbow Dash and the now-silent contraption… then it turned purple. Or, at least—the air around it did.
“Is… Is it trying to speak?” Bon Bon squeaked, her ears flat, and her eyes bouncing from pony to pony. Twilight and Applejack eyed the creature with caution, Twilight’s horn glowing the same shade of purple surrounding it.
“I’m pretty sure it’s wearing a helmet, Bon Bon,” Spike commented, his tongue flicking out and catching the gem he’d just flicked from his claw. The creature turned its head at Spike’s words, now silently observing.
Twilight slowly approached it. “Can you understand us?”
* * *
Civilisation.
“Surely, someone will be there, and surely, that someone will be able to tell me where I am?”
That was the thought that occurred to Kye upon spotting the small village at the foot of the mountain. It hadn’t taken him long to reach the town, but by the time he had—he knew his thinking had probably been a tad wishful.
The town, as it transpired, was full of ponies.
Yes, ponies. Though shorter than the one that had invaded his dreams, they were able to talk, and appeared to behave like humans. Unicorns, ponies with wings that flew above the quaint little rooftops, and just plain old ponies that shrieked all the same and fled away from the rumbling Yamaha.
Kye shunted the unsettling observations from his mind. This was turning out to be some Inception-level shit, but the thing that put him at unease the most was the fact that this felt nothing like a dream. It was all too real. Their colours too vibrant, sounds clear as day. Plus, his motorcycle was now behaving exactly as it always had—no freaky speedometer messages or blatant lies about how fast he was going.
Which currently, was not very.
The streets were wide open, with small, bumpy dirt paths that thoroughly disagreed with the bike’s custom Ohlins suspension. Neatly cropped grass separated the houses, most of which seemed to be fully detached properties with frames constructed of wooden beams and roofs composed of straw.
He continued to blindly make his way through the town, until one of the flying ponies—a sky blue pony with a multi-coloured mane and tail—started flying towards him instead of fleeing like the others.
It yelled something, but Kye wasn’t really in the mood to stop and chat. He twisted the throttle, the rear wheel spinning in its quest for traction. A fork in the dirt path prompted Kye to make a snap decision. He leaned the bike wildly to the left, narrowly missing a flagpole that held a set of vibrant pink banners. Rounding the corner of a small dwelling, the ground changed from loose dirt and gravel, into a smooth stone that almost resembled pavement. The grippy surface was indeed a welcome change, but other than that, he realised with horror that he really should have went right.
A sea of ponies were gathered around a large circular building. It was constructed primarily of wooden beams, not unlike the houses, but it was much larger. Its roof tapered to a point, and it had two balconies running around its entire circumference. Many of the balcony’s inhabitants were already staring down at him in shock.
Kye was forced to brake hard to avoid mowing the ponies down. The rear tyre locked, before lifting up off the deck completely as the bike rotated over the front wheel, almost flipping. Thankfully, it stopped just short of a small grey pony, the rear tyre slamming back down with a loud clatter from the shocker.
The small pony looked up at Kye as though he was the living embodiment of Gojira. He was so close that it was easy to see she was female. Her long, feminine lashes framed large blue eyes that were wide and fearful. Her vibrant mane and tail—a unique and strangely satisfying blend of blood red and darkest black shone in the sunlight. A set of grey wings sprang from her sides and covered her face. Kye could still see the look of terror in her eyes through a gap in her feathers…
An odd feeling overcome him. It took him a second or two to realise it was guilt. Ponies started fleeing in all directions, but the little grey pony in front of him seemed too scared to do anything but hide behind her own wings.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Kye said, but ultimately figured she probably couldn't hear him over the sound of the rumbling engine and the shrieking ponies.
CLONK.
Something hard collided with the top of Kye’s helmet. He cursed. Loudly.
“You leave her alone!” yelled the blue winged pony with the multi-coloured mane and tail as something thudded to the ground a few feet away—an iron horseshoe. Well, that’s probably left a dent. Kye scowled beneath his visor.
With the twist of the bars, the bike surged back into motion—swerving around the grey pony and speeding off toward a water fountain in the shape of a wingless, hornless pony. Several stalls were dotted about around the large building in the centre, but Kye couldn’t spot anywhere that he could slip away from the annoying blue pest that was still following him and attempting to lob more of her equine-footwear at his motorcycle.
“Look out!” she called to the other ponies that hadn’t started running away yet.
“For fuck’s sake! I’m not some axe murderer, you feathery little asshole!” Kye yelled, but she obviously didn’t hear him.
A beam of amber light suddenly blasted past Kye’s shoulder, nearly blinding him and causing him to jerk the bars into a tank slapper. It was so hot he was able to feel it through his leathers. Holy shit! A split second later, something exploded behind him, showering flaming debris a good fifty feet.
Kye sped up, the front wheel lifting under acceleration. Did one of these ponies have a plasma cannon? Were those a thing here? What the fuck? The whole area surrounding the town was now void of all but a few ponies. Kye checked around for the small grey pony from before as he looped back around the building in the center of town, but she was nowhere to be seen.
No doubt she finally managed to fly away from the big scary monster. He sighed, scanning around for a little side street to disappear into. He needed some time to think. Alone.
The bike suddenly slowed, and Kye was nearly thrown forward over the bars. What the fuck? Throwing a quick glance at a mirror, he spotted one of the ponies lying in a heap of what looked like pie tins. What’s more—there was now a length of rope trailing behind his bike. Had one of the ponies just tried to lasso him? Seriously?
Yet again, he was given no time to ponder their strange behaviours.
SLAM.
“Fuck!”
The Yamaha was knocked off course. Kye was unable to correct in time.
SMASH.
The sound of breaking glass rang through the air, and Kye was unceremoniously launched into the side of a hay bale. He bounced off of it, landing on his back on the stone floor. He barely had time to check none of his bones were broken before the annoying blue pest descended.
“Stay right where you are!”
Not fucking likely.
With surprising ease, Kye grabbed the pony by the wings and threw her as hard as he could. She was lighter than she appeared, and even that wasn’t much. She quickly caught herself, however, turning to glare at him in midair. “Hey!” she yelled. Kye glared right back, though she probably couldn’t see his expression through his tinted visor.
“Why couldn’t you just leave me the fuck alone?!” he shouted, pointing a gloved hand at her. “Look at the state of my ride! You don’t see me fucking up your shit for no reason. Why the fuck did you have to make me crash? You feathery little asshole!” Kye screamed through his helmet. He didn’t lose his temper often, but to say he was angry would’ve been a bit more than an understatement.
His bike was a mess. The plastics were cracked, a headlight was hanging off. Hell, the forks were more than likely bent from hitting the stall. He was raging so much, his vision turned red… No, not red. Purple.
Everything was purple.
Why was everything purple?
“I’m pretty sure it’s wearing a helmet, Bon Bon,” someone said. Kye looked around for the source of the scratchy little voice.
… The fuck is that?
He spotted a small, scaly purple and green creature. It sort of resembled an overgrown lizard, with green fins protruding from its head and face. It was eyeing him with mild interest and munching away on what appeared to be… gemstones?
“Can you understand us?”
Tearing his gaze from the lizard, Kye laid eyes on a purple unicorn. Her bright, lavender eyes shone with the kind of excited curiosity usually only seen in gifted children learning about the world. Fear was nowhere to be seen on this pony’s face. That, more than anything, earned Kye’s attention. Her mane and tail were primarily purple, with a pink stripe running the entire length of both. A pink star adorned her flank, surrounded by five smaller white ones.
Kye slowly nodded, attempting to waft the annoying purple haze away from him. His hand collided with it, and he jumped backwards, only for his back to collide with it too.
“What the… What is this?”
“Twilight,” said another unicorn.
This horned pony had a coat of mint green, pleasantly complimented by an ice blue and white mane and tail. The image of a golden harp-like instrument was pictured on her flank, and her eyes were a particular shade of amber…
“You!” Kye gasped, pointing at the unicorn and attempting to back away. He was hindered by the weird purple force field again. “You almost fecking killed me!”
He couldn’t breathe. Fumbling around with his gloves, he slipped them off and threw them to the ground, before shakily unclasping his helmet and pulling it off.
The minty unicorn blinked, her face falling somewhat. “You think? No! No, I wasn’t aiming for you! I didn’t mean to…”
Kye punched the forcefield. His hand bounced harmlessly away from it as though it was made of rubber. “What the fuck is this shit?”
“Twilight, drop the shield already. He’s not a threat!” the mint unicorn pleaded.
“Yeah, right,” the rainbow pony cut in, warily eyeing the busted motorcycle.
“Don’t you dare, you furry little ball of-” Kye began, but was cut off by everyone suddenly wanting to have their say.
“Now, Rainbow. Ah honestly don’t think he is…”
“... was obviously just scared. Maybe he’s not used to magic?”
“What about my sweet stall? This thing has completely bulldozed it!”
“I found more gems on the floor. I can have them, right?”
“ENOUGH!” yelled the pony named Twilight. A large bubble of purple light expanded from her horn, before quickly evaporating away. All of the ponies fell silent, and Kye’s vision returned to normal. He extended an arm in front of him, and sighed with relief when he discovered he was actually able to do so.
“Rainbow Dash, I know you were concerned for everypony’s safety, but I think our guest here had no intention of hurting anypony. Am I correct?”
Kye blinked, still half staring at the air where the weird force field thingy had vanished. “Yeah,” he muttered.
Rainbow eyed him warily for a second, but glided down to the ground and folded her wings. “Okay, but if you ever grab my wings like that again-”
“Dash!” the minty pony growled. “Just shut it already.”
Kye grinned. I think I like you, Harpflank. “What’s your name?
She smiled, and the sun seemed to shine a little brighter. “I’m Lyra Heartstrings.”
“Never mind introductions—who’s going to clean up all this mess?” a slightly miffed looking creme-coated pony interrupted. She gave the fallen motorcycle a particularly filthy look.
Kye scowled. “That mess is my pride and joy. And now it’s ruined.” As if being stuck in a realm of talking ponies wasn’t bad enough, he’d now lost the one thing that made him happy.
“Both of you, calm down. I think I may be able to help,” Twilight said, trotting up to the broken stall.
Kye watched in utter bewilderment as the Yam became enveloped by the shimmering purple outline. The bike floated up from the ground as though it was a helium balloon copy of itself, rotating through the air until the wheels pointed toward the ground. He realised with a pang of sadness that the forks were indeed bent inwards, and the front wheel was jammed against the intercooler.
“So, do you have a name?” Lyra asked.
Kye blinked, forgetting he hadn’t yet introduced himself. “Kye Lawson,” he muttered, rather awkwardly. The weirdness of the whole situation was beginning to creep up on him. He wasn’t sure which question he wanted to ask first. Consequently, they all seemed to come tumbling out of his mouth at the same time. “Where am I?” he asked Lyra. “And... how is she doing that?” he exclaimed, pointing to Twilight and her sorcery. “Are you a lizard?” he inquired of the creature munching on the gems. “Why are you wearing a hat?” he shot at the orange pony with apples on her flanks. “I’ve never seen a pony wearing a hat. It’s not something ponies tend to do where I come from.”
The lizard scowled. “I’m a dragon. Duh,” he muttered, cracking a few more of the precious stones between his teeth. Talking ponies. Talking dragons, too. Why not?
“And this is Ponyville,” Lyra chirped, waving a hoof over the deserted marketplace. “It’s, umm… usually more lively than this,” she finished with an awkward grin.
“Yeah… I guess I could’ve been a bit quieter… Sorry about that,” Kye said, giving a drawn out sigh. “I don’t suppose any of you could help me find my way back home, could you?”
Lyra glanced at Twilight, but she was apparently too busy staring at Kye’s bike to notice. It slowly revolved in the air as she studied it. “Well, uh… where do you come from?” Lyra asked, turning her gaze upon him once more.
“England.”
The unicorn blinked, as if waiting for elaboration.
“The United Kingdom?” Kye added. He knew already he was wasting his time.
One of Lyra’s ears flicked. She brought a hoof to her chin.
“Planet Earth?” Kye intoned.
“Never heard of it,” the dragon cut in, finishing off his gems with a flaming burp.
Kye let out a sigh, pressing the palms of his hands into his eye sockets so hard stars began dancing over his retinas. After a few moments, he removed them, and his vision returned. The wrecked marketplace, the ponies and the dragon remained defiantly existent, despite his best efforts to somehow will himself back to normality.
“Are you… Are you okay?” asked the mint green one. Lyra, one of the unicorns.
With a blink, he gazed down into her large amber eyes, her silky mane shifting in the pleasantly warm breeze. Undoubtedly, there was genuine concern there, but it wasn’t enough to take away the oddity of the situation. “No… You’re a frickin’ unicorn,” he muttered, shaking his head. “You’re not supposed to be real, let alone asking me if I’m okay.”
Her ears visibly drooped a shade at his words, and Kye felt a pang of guilt hit him like a bowling ball.
“Hey,” chastised a creme coated pony. Blue and pink curls made up her mane and tail, and a small image of a collection of sweets adorned her flank. She glared at Kye, who realised with a grimace that she was indeed the owner of the confectionery stall he’d just demolished. “I don’t know where you come from, but around here—unicorns have as much right to exist as everypony else!”
“I’m sorry,” Kye said, more to Lyra than her friend. “A lot has happened to me over the past twenty-four hours. I have no idea if I’m dead, or dying. I could be hallucinating for all I know. I just… I need a minute.”
“Don’t you worry non, Sugarcube. You look right as rain to me,” said the hat-wearing pony, a warm smile on her muzzle.
“Thanks,” Kye muttered, savouring what little consolation he could. “So, uhh… what’s your name?”
“Ah’m Applejack, of Sweet Apple Acres,” she exclaimed, tipping her headgear with a hoof. “This here is Twahlight Sparkle,” she motioned to the purple unicorn still levitating the Yamaha, seemingly oblivious to everything else. “That there is Spike,” she pointed to the lizard—no, not the lizard, the dragon. He was still munching gemstones off the ground and looked rather bored with proceedings. “You already know Lyra,” she chuckled, nodding to the minty unicorn that had nearly murdered Kye just a few moments ago. “A word of advice—don’t ever get in a fight with Lyra.”
“AJ!” Lyra hissed, a few amber sparks igniting at her horntip. Kye recoiled, eyeing the magical appendage with trepidation. He had no trouble at all figuring out that it would be extremely unwise to fuck with Lyra.
“And our winged friend here is Rainbow Dash,” Applejack continued, ignoring Lyra’s outburst and pointing an orange forehoof to the feathery menace that had chased Kye halfway across the village. The pony turned up her muzzle as she hovered in the air, but broke the facade a second later by sneaking a sly glance at Kye.
“And I’m Bon Bon, the pony you owe a Saturday’s worth of bits!” the creme coated pony with the sweets on her flank cut in.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lyra scoffed, levelling her friend with a look of incredulity. “That wasn’t Kye’s fault. Rainbow’s, maybe, if you insist on pointing hooves-”
“Say what?” Rainbow yelled.
“Enough!”
All eyes turned to Twilight, who had apparently snapped out of her little trance. “Nopony need demand any bits. I think I may have a solution. Just, give me a moment.”
The glow from her horn intensified somewhat, spreading over the carnage of shattered glass, spilled stock, and bits of Kye’s broken pride and joy. Kye frowned, as he witnessed all of the debris break free of gravity. It seemed to move with a noticeable amount of fidelity, rather than just randomly floating up off the ground.
Something brushed his hand, and he looked down to spot a glowing shard of glass spinning toward a point in the air. Several other shards were also heading for the same point, just slightly to his left. Their speed increased, as though drawn to each other. They met in a flash of purple light, forming an intact glass jar.
Kye blinked. This world just kept slapping physics in the face. Wait… If that was possible…
Kye’s gaze snapped to the floating Yamaha. The forks were still bent. His face fell. In fact, nothing looked all that different-wait! No—the headlight wasn’t hanging out anymore! Plus, most of the cracks in the fairing had disappeared. “No way…” he breathed.
The ponies and the dragon watched with silent intrigue. Twilight’s eyes flicked over the ground, combing around for the smaller bits of glass. Several jars now floated in the air, some of them already being filled with the sweets that had been spilled.
Kye gasped, his jaw practically falling off his face. The front wheel of his ride gradually lifted off the intercooler. How the fuck? Twilight wasn’t even looking at the bike, yet it was twisting itself back into its original shape regardless. She still had her muzzle to the ground, searching for debris that had scattered under the broken stall. No, scratch that—the stall wasn’t even broken anymore. The wooden frame had apparently sprung back together, good as new.
Satisfied that she’d collected all of the wreckage, Twilight glanced at the floating jars. Four more snapped back to existence under her full attention, before being filled by a vortex of floating candy swirling around them. Once all the sweets were sorted, the jars neatly arranged themselves on the stall. Alphabetically.
“There. No harm done, see?” Twilight announced, before giving one of the empty jars a grimace. “If you don’t count Spike’s gluttony.”
All of the ponies were just as speechless as Kye, it seemed. Spike, however, just shrugged, smacking his freaky lizard lips together.
“Twi, that was amazing! I had no idea you could pull something like that off,” Bon Bon praised, clopping her forehooves together.
Twilight’s cheeks reddened, despite being covered in purple fur. “Oh, It’s just a Controlzee Reversal enchantment. Just a simple spell for cleaning-”
“Simple?” Lyra interrupted, shooting Twilight an incredulous look. “That spell is a quantifiable subcomponent of Starswirl the Bearded’s time altering paradigm. I’d give my left crotch nipple to be able to cast it.”
Twilight blushed even more. “We should really figure out what we’re going to do about Kye,” she nervously chuckled.
Kye’s bike floated over to him, its wheels touching down. There wasn’t a scratch on it. “Wow… Thanks for fixing my ride, but I think I’ll be going now,” he announced. Maybe if he headed back the way he came, he could find a way out of this place. It wasn’t particularly unpleasant, but he’d witnessed enough psychics bending shenanigans to last him a lifetime.
“No!” both Twilight and Lyra yelled in unison.
Kye blinked, halfway through swinging a leg over the Yamaha. “Um… why?”
“Some parts of Equestria can be really dangerous,” Twilight began.
“Yeah, some of the local wildlife can be very… unfriendly, especially if you don’t have magic to keep them in check,” Lyra added.
“Now wait a second there, missy!” Applejack interjected. “Ponies don’t need no magic to keep critters in check. Just gotta have the right attitude, and maybe a strong hoof.”
“Yeah, I don’t know if you noticed, but he doesn’t have hooves,” Lyra pointed out.
Kye rolled his eyes, flicking the bike’s ignition on. “I’ll be fine.” With a roar that made the ponies jump, the bike fired up.
“No, Kye, you really shouldn’t,” Twilight persisted, gently pressing a purple forehoof to his thigh. She could’ve easily stopped him from leaving with that horn of hers, but it was noticeably delaminated.
Kye let out a sigh. Twilight’s large pleading eyes had a lot more effect on him than her words. It was pretty clear he wasn’t going to win this argument. Besides, he hadn’t a clue where he was going to go, or any semblance of a plan. “Fine,” he muttered, finally admitting defeat. “I guess I could stick around for a while.” In horse-themed wonderland. Oh, what fun.
Author's Note
So... finally got around to posting this chapter. It's not like it's been sitting almost finished in gdocs for a couple of months or anything... 
Okay, fine. I'm an asshat for writing 5k then leaving it for an inexcusable amount of time only to then add another four hundred words or so. The thing is—this is isn't the only fic I do this with. I've got about four half written one shots just sitting there, waiting for me to pluck up the motivation to finish them. Oh, and not to blow my own horn here, but they're good. Some bits could of them could even be considered funny! Who'd have thought it? Me, actually writing something that can get you magnificent bastards to crack a smile. Hell, the next chapter of Slipstream is practically finished, but I've been so busy murdering radscorpions in Fallout 4 and revising the theory of learning how to drive trucks that it's just been sitting there for ages. Oh, yeah—the career change I haven't mentioned before now. I'm sick of driving taxis. Seriously, fuck taxi driving. I'm learning how to drive artics. Or semis, to you Murikans... Man, this has went on way too long for an AN. If you're still reading this, well done. You deserve a cookie.
