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Author's Note
This is either going to be my greatest idea yet or my worst idea yet. Mare Do Well has kind of been a unknown to the series, unfortunately connected to an episode a lot of people don’t like. I know it would seem like she would be a serious character in canon but I honestly can’t see it. This is really the first time I’ve ever shifted between first and third person but I think the way I do it works out. I hope. I really do hope this story is well-received because it’s not meant to be taken seriously, at least most of the time. If it wasn’t obvious, I am planning on doing an actual (serious) Power Ponies fic since I have to admit after doing research on the group I’m slightly intrigued by their stories.
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It was a dark summer night in Maretropolis. Close to midnight, most ponies were sleeping at this hour while others were walking home, whether sober or intoxicated. However, they weren’t quite paying attention to what was going on behind the scenes.
A large group of ponies, the kind of group you didn’t want to run into whether on a sunny or rainy day, were located in the back alleys, some loaded up to carriages loaded with boxes of the kind of things that would easily get you at least five years in jail. Right here it was about a few millennia’s worth of jail time.
One of the ponies made a go gesture and the rest of them were off, heading towards the outskirts of the city. Little did they know they had a certain pony tailing them.
On the edge of the Buffalo Bridge, a mare wearing a purple cape, black body suit and matching mask and hat was currently on her phone looking up information on The Bachelor. “Ugh, I swear if he chooses Rose I’m gonna go on a huge Twitter rant,” she groaned. She looked up and saw a large group of ponies and carriages below her coming her way. “Show time.”
She put away her phone and stood up, positioning herself to jump off at the right time. “By the way kids…never try this at home.” She took a deep breath and then jumped from the ledge. Letting gravity do its thing, she managed to crash into one of the carriages, causing driver, wood and contents to go everywhere. Gravity and earth ponies were a destructive combination.
Now I know what you’re thinking: “Isn’t that the dumb character from that dumb episode from that dumb show?” Well okay, maybe that last part isn’t quite true but yes, it is I, Mare Do Well, and yes that episode was awful. I never felt so insulted in my life.
The second thought you’re probably thinking is: “I thought she was a hero! Why is she taking on drug dealers and smashing shit up?” Well first of all, you want heroes, you can go talk to the Power Ponies. I tried joining their group on Facehoof but they banned me permanently. Second, I’m not a heroine, I’m just a mare on a mission. No really. Heroes like the Power Ponies don’t throw shurikens at the ponies I’m about to kill, it’s all about preserving life and all that boring shit.
To answer the second question, well, that’s a bit more complicated which means I have to give a little bit more background information so perhaps it’s best I go back to the beginning to explain who I am. And no, for the last fucking time, I’m not Fluttershy!
My real name is Jade Juniper, which pretty explains my dark blue coat and green eyes which my dad always used to say were gems. Kind of ironic now considering I’m wearing a mask but I admit it’s an attractive quality. Some ponies know me by Jade, but more know me by my other name. It all started on a cold wintry night in Maretropolis…
Ten years ago…
Jade had only recently finished the first half of her first year in middle school and she and her father were currently on their way home from the station. Jade’s father was an officer in Maretropolis and he wore his badge with pride. Nothing made him happier than the feeling of protecting this city.
They passed by the local florist and her father stopped. “Hmm…I think I’m going to bring home some flowers for your mother. Do you want to help me pick some?”
“Ugh, really dad? Flowers?” Jade looked disgusted.
Her father chuckled. “When you get older sweetie, you’ll fully appreciate them. Alright, I won’t be long.” He went inside as Jade waited near the window, looking around the city. The snow on the ground made Maretropolis look like one of those old snow globes she used to own. Sometimes its name really showed on nights like this.
A pony went past her and went inside to the florist. He happened to have a scar above his right eye and when Jade glanced at him, she couldn’t help but shudder. Thankfully the pony paid her no mind.
She returned her gaze towards the skyline and thought about when spring would come. Of course, that meant more school but it also meant getting ready for soccer tryouts in the summer. That was something she was looking forward to.
Suddenly, there was a scream from inside and as Jade turned around, the same pony from before rushed out the door, almost knocking into her. She quickly went inside and took two steps before freezing in her tracks.
The sight she saw was horrific, but even more so because the pony she saw laying there was her own father. Lying in a pool of blood that was slowly getting bigger, his face told her he was already gone and the spots in his coat showed that he had been stabbed repeatedly in a short amount of time. The store owner was already calling the police and it wasn’t long before the sounds of sirens could be heard. Jade could only stand there and stare at her poor father who had already departed from this world.
Now you know why there should be a “Sad” tag in this story, but FIMF wouldn’t let me do it. Make no mistake about it, I loved my father very much. In fact, I wanted to be a cop just like him. But everything changed that day. My mother was never the same again and for me…I wasn’t sure what to do. I had two choices: either I could go wallop in my sorrow for all my life or I could push forward and still make something of my future.
I chose option three, which was to find the bastards who done this and…well I don’t think I need to spell it out for you. Of course, it would be a number of years before I would be ready and finally get the lead I’m currently on. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t prepare.
Eight years later…
Between then and now, I busted my ass, making myself stronger and quicker. I still had school to take care of, but needless to say after graduation that’s practically where it ended. I took up a small role as an investigator of sorts, looking into situations people had and handled them “delicately.” My body count hadn’t even started yet. Once ponies were aware of how good I was, that was when I started charging and boy did that add up quickly.
But I think that’s enough for now. I’ll explain how I got the suit after I’m done kicking ass.
As the debris fell from the sky, the other ponies quickly surrounded her, but Mare Do Well wasn’t worried. “I should probably warn you all, I’m really good at kung fu.” The ponies seemed to ignore her as they charged forward, causing MDW to sigh and shrug before punching the first pony that came to her in the jaw, most likely dislodging a tooth or two.
She moved quickly for a pony her size as she dodged two simultaneous attacks and grabbed the two ponies’ heads and knocked them together, knocking the two out. However, she was quick to notice that the remaining ponies had weapons. “Ooh it’s going to be that kind of fight huh~?” With quick sleight of hoof, she now had two shurikens in her hoofs. “Good thing I know ninjitsu too.”
She then flung both her weapons sideways, hitting both ponies directly between the eyes as she rushed forward and jumped, kicking the pony in front of her with her back legs and causing him to hit the wall with a sickening crack. She dodged another swing and managed to grab and throw the pony into his fellow cronies. “Man, I know fillies that can put up a better fight than you guys-”
She suddenly dodged as she felt the cold steel graze against her suit, ripping the fabric and cutting through the skin. If she hadn’t moved quickly enough, it would’ve stabbed her in the side. “Motherfucker!” she snapped. She looked towards the pony that happened to throw the knife and had to admit she was slightly impressed. Only slightly though.
She moved with such quickness and pounced on the pony, knocking his head into the concrete and inadvertently cracking his skull. She got up and looked at the cut. Luckily, it was just a graze but it hurt like the worst paper cut, although a mare like her was used to the pain.
“Well I’d give that an eight of ten despite my little blunder,” she told herself. “Now let’s see…” Suddenly she saw a pony running off. “Gotcha.” The pony that she was chasing was bigger but slower than her and she managed to knock him down before he got too far away. She turned him over and upon seeing his face noticed a familiar scar on the top of his right eye. This didn’t surprise her since he was the one she was looking for.
“Hey there…remember me?” she asked. The pony looked at her in confusion. “Oh…right the mask. Well, I remember you very well. Nine years ago, it was a cold winter night here and we first met at a flower shop.”
The pony stared at her for a few moments and then his face curved into a smirk. “You’re that little filly…”
“Yeah, that I am. And guess what? Father Warming’s come to town and right now you’re on the top of his naughty list…unless you’re willing to tell me who really belongs on the top. I know you were ordered by somepony from above to kill my father and you’re going to tell me who.”
The pony only shook his head as he grinned. “Even if I did tell you, you won’t find him. He works from the shadows.”
“Oh does he? Well, I got news for you: I was born in the shadows so I can assure you, I will find that little cocksucker and when I do-”
“Mare Do Well!”
Mare Do Well let out a loud sigh. “Timing couldn’t be worse…I’m a bit busy right now!”
“Why don’t yeh step away from that stallion nice and easy?” Mare knew that voice all too well. She looked up and just up the road was Mistress Mare-velous and Fili-Second. “You know, I’d love to but we’re kind of in the middle of a conversation right now.”
Fili-Second stared around at the amount of bodies on the ground. “Yeah, I can certainly see that. Look, you know why we’re here so don’t make this difficult. We really don’t want to have to use force.”
Mare just rolled her eyes and got up before pointing at the pony. “Don’t move a muscle.” She then causally walked over to the two mares. “Look, for the record, they drew first blood, not me.”
“So yah didn’t bust up that carriage right there?” Mistress asked, looking skeptical.
“…That was like that when I got here.”
Mistress sighed. “Mare Do Well, ya can’t keep acting like judge, jury and executioner. Vigilantism is against the law.”
“That’s rich, coming from you six,” Mare argued. “You think cause you all special powers that you’re above the law. And for crying out loud, can you please ask Matterhorn to return my letters, I feel like she’s ignoring me for no good reason.”
“We follow a code and we do things within the boundaries of law!” Mistress snapped. “All Ah’m saying is if you don’t stop what you’re doing we’ll have no choice but to bring you in.”
“And trust me, the MPD has been noticing your activity lately,” Fili-Second said.
“Well in that case, you’re welcome for busting up this little drug run,” Mare said. “Look, this guy here is the only link I have to the bastards that killed my father, a police officer mind you so if you really have an issue with all this and try to get in my way, all I can say is suck my metaphorical dick.” She turned around to leave but suddenly a golden lasso wrapped around her tightly. “Oh Mistress~ I didn’t think you were into that kind of foreplay…~ Unfortunately I’m taken at the moment.”
“Dear Celestia you’re perverted,” Mistress said.
“Um…guys…” Fili-Second said. “That pony’s gone.”
Mare suddenly looked over to where the pony had been laying and saw that he truly was gone. She put her hooves to her face in shock and swore heavily. “CELESTIADAMNIT! MOTHERFUCKER! You just lost me nine years worth of effort! I hope you’re satisfied you damn hick!”
“If ya really think insulting me is going to goad me you’re mistaken.”
Mare sighed heavily. “Alright…fine…I didn’t want to do this but you leave me no choice.” Though her legs were tied, she managed to grab a small capsule on her belt and casually tossed it. Upon impact, the capsule shot off a white gas, causing both Mistress Mare-velous and Fili-Second to get distracted and start coughing. Once the gas dissipated, they saw that the mare was gone.
Mistress sighed. “Ah shoulda figured that was coming…”
“Now what do we do?” Fili-Second asked.
“We let her go for now…she’s bound to show up somewhere again soon.” The two of them headed back to headquarters. “It’s a shame really, if not for her ethics she woulda made a good addition to the team…”
There's a Sex Tag Here For a Reason
Maybe its time for me to back up a little. I already explained my background but you’re probably still wondering where Mare Do Well fits into this equation. Well, before that, I was a mare that took up requests to hunt down little pricks that thought it was cool to go after poor defenseless mares. At that time, Jade Juniper already had a reputation of her own.
The stallion made his way into his apartment, carrying a bag of groceries with his magic. He closed the door and put the bag onto the counter and turned on the light. He quickly jumped as he saw someone was sitting on his couch.
“Hello Rusty,” the mare said. “That’s your name right? Boy, I sure hope your last name isn’t Tool because that would be plain embarrassing. Then again, I guess it explains why you probably haven’t gotten laid in months, am I right?”
“W-Who-?”
“Shut the fuck up, you don’t get to speak unless I tell you. You know why I’m here don’t you?”
The stallion suddenly went pale. “Wait, I didn’t do anything wrong with that mare, she gave me consent-”
“And how old was she Rusty?” The mare got up, causing the stallion to back up slightly. “Did you even ask her!?”
“N-No…”
“You’re quite the sick fuck, aren’t you?” Rusty wasn’t sure how, but the mare suddenly had a knife in her hoof. “I should do Equestria a favor and rid you the temptation to fuck anything for that matter.”
“W-Wait I’m sorry! It was stupid and I should’ve controlled myself better but I’ll stop I promise!”
“…You promise?”
“Yes! I’ll even go to a therapy class if I have to!”
The mare was silent for a moment. “Alright Rusty, you seem like you’re telling the truth. But if I hear one peep, and I mean one peep that you’re misbehaving, I’m going to pay you another visit and this time you’ll be missing a limb or two.”
“I-I understand.”
“Good. And Rusty, if you really need to get off, just watch some damn porn or something.”
“You’re getting soft Jade.”
“Suck my dick Bread Winner.” Jade was currently at a bar that simultaneously served as a hub of sorts for ponies like her. Of course, unlike her, most of them, stallions and mares alike, looked like they could rip your spine out of your body. “It’s about getting a message across and it’s hardly effective if the SOB is dead. Besides, it’s not like he’s well known to his peers.”
“Still, you didn’t cut off his dick?”
“Tempting, but I don’t want to be identified as one of those feminist cunts.”
“Yeah you’re definitely not one of those.”
“Well I’m glad to hear you say that.” She then raised her glass. “Cheers to not cutting off ponies’ dicks.”
So there’s my line of work. I’ll have you know I actually did cut somepony’s dick off once. It was…messy. That’s mostly why I don’t do it if I don’t need to. But I’m gonna stop talking about dicks now.
I still live in Maretropolis in a small apartment complex that looks like it hasn’t been updated since it first got built, but hey the pay’s decent and I even got my own roommate…even if she is a bit of an oddball. Moonlight Raven is her name but I just call her Raven for short. She’s cute and all but she’s…well…
Raven was sitting on the couch with her rear legs crossed and her front hooves pointed up. The cape and hood she was wearing hid her face slightly as she had her eyes closed in concentration. She was chanting slightly in a language that was unfamiliar to most other ponies.
The door to the apartment opened and Jade walked in and peered around the corner. “Oh sorry, did I interrupt you flicking the pearl?” It didn’t cause a retort but then again it never did, as much as Jade tried.
“It’s nice to see you too Jade,” Raven said dryly. Actually, she always sounded like that. She then opened her eyes. “Did you end up cutting somepony’s balls off tonight?”
“Nah, not this time…though I did give the pony a fair warning that it would happen if he fucks another underage filly. Wait, I thought you weren’t all for violence?”
“I’m not…but if it solves a problem…” The slight smile on Raven’s face was a bit unnerving, although it didn’t bother Jade much.
“Alright well…you go back to praying whatever demon god you worship.”
“He’s not a demon god!”
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention something. Don’t insult Raven’s faith, whatever that may be. Oh, and don’t touch her food. Especially don’t touch her food, although I personally don’t because I think she’s a vegan. The fact that she hasn’t tried to kill me yet pretty much says we get along just fine. Unfortunately, she’s not a fan of sex, something about how it’s just a weird side effect of hormones or something like that. I just think she’s straight.
Which brings me to another important point of this story. In a way, I was kind of a loner. Losing my dad was a big deal for me and once I moved on on my own, I always felt like something was missing, something that I needed to keep me satisfied because honestly hunting down and beating up people wasn’t quite doing it for me. Neither was masturbating.
But then something interesting happened, in a bar of all places.
Jade was currently nursing a rum on the rocks in a bar called “Wild Cherry” which she assumed was either named after the owner or part of a rather entertaining night of passion. Jade financially was in a comfortable position, although her mother had been bugging her for the past week, wanting to know more about this “job” she was doing. She didn’t know that her daughter was peering into others’ lives or, if necessary, threatening them.
Part of her wondered what her father would think. It wasn’t the career she had in mind, but it was her own version of justice without all the red tape and boundaries. For all these years, she hadn’t forgotten what happened and even to this day she’s been trying to collect any information, no matter how small.
Her results were nary and few, although this didn’t surprise her. What she did know was that the SOB that gutted her father was part of a larger organization that involved drug and sex trafficking. In other words, she was getting her hooves into something way past her league. Currently at least.
Jade had been doing research into ways she could improve her health and fitness. That was when she found out about the age of ninjas. A thing of the past now, ninjas were a force to be reckoned with. Not only were they quick, they were strong and they executed their moves quietly, like wind on the leaves. They also knew karate and could snap your shins off, or at least that’s what popular culture says about them. Jade had no teacher who could help her so she had to take matters into her own hooves, diving deeper into the culture, learning their ways, their behaviors, and their diets.
Jade was a pretty fit pony, not including the fact that she was indeed an earth pony, but she had to be stronger, quicker, and quieter. That was how she could go toe-to-toe with these kinds of scumbag ponies.
For now, she could afford to splurge at least a little bit. She allowed her eyes to gaze around the bar before the sound of a hoof slamming into wood caught her attention.
“Oh come on!” Jade followed the sound and saw there was a pegasus over by one of the arcade machines. By the sound of it, she had just lost whatever game she was playing.
She looked towards the pony but couldn’t help but look at her figure. Pegasi were well defined by nature but this particular pegasus had nice curves while maintaining a nice figure.
Whoa wait a minute, hold on. What, you weren’t expecting that? A mare can’t be attracted to another mare? Figures, you all have to assume we’re straight unless we tell you otherwise. Actually, technically, I could be considered bi but let’s be honest, females make up almost two thirds of the population so is it really a surprise if there are a lot of lesbians in our world? Wait, what was I doing again? Oh right, ogling the sexy pony.
Jade got up and went over to the arcade section next to where the pony was standing. “Tough game?” she asked.
“Ugh, it shouldn’t be for me, I’m usually good at these kind of games,” the pegasus growled. “I guess alcohol and motor reflexes don’t mix well after all.”
“You obviously missed your sweet spot then.”
“Huh?” The pegasus looked at her in confusion.
“You know how they say ‘a little alcohol to calm the nerves’? Sure it slows your reflexes down slightly but it helps you focus on what you’re playing.”
The pegasus stared at her for a few moments and then her face broke into a grin as she laughed. “That sounds so stupid.”
“Yeah well, you’re only saying that cause you haven’t tried it yet.”
“Ha! I’m a pegasus so I think I’m proving that myth wrong. I’m Blossomforth by the way but Blossom is fine.”
“Jade Juniper, but you can just call me Jade,” Jade responded. “Let me guess…you’re in the Academy?”
“If you’re talking the police academy you’re close, but wrong profession. I’m actually part of the Wonderbolt Reserve.”
“Okay, I’m impressed. I’m guessing its tough going?”
“Hmm… not really. I finished my Academy training not too long ago but I was recently made a Wonderbolt so tonight is my night to celebrate.”
Jade looked around. “Any of your teammates here?”
“Oh…no unfortunately. The few friends I have are either too busy or not the type to drink. Actually, I’m also here to de-stress I guess.”
“Let me guess…that one teammate you just hate?”
“Oh yeah…her name’s Lightning Dust and she just thinks she’s better than anypony. Hell, she probably thinks she could do circles around our CO. I’m surprised they even let her in.”
“Well…if you’re by yourself, you mind some company?”
Blossom smiled. “I’d appreciate that…but I should warn you I’m not one who gets drunk very often so I apologize in advance if anything goes crazy.”
“Oh I’ve seen my share of crazy…”
About two hours later, the two mares each had about ten shots in them and were giggling like school fillies. “…so the next morning my CO walks into our barracks, right up to Thunderlane’s bed and says, ‘I know you’re happy to see me Cadet but do you have a license to carry that thing?’”
“She’s that good-looking?” Jade asked.
“Well…yeah,” Blossom said, blushing all of a sudden. “She teases a lot but she’s very strict about following guidelines, much to the dismay of many of the male cadets.”
“Alright…there is one thing I need to know to get it off my mind: pegasi. Do they really have good stamina when it comes to sex?”
“Hmm…why do you ask?” Blossom smirked.
“Well look, earth ponies will argue their case saying it’s in the genes, while pegasi say the same thing and the unicorns…well…they obviously don’t but they use their magic to keep themselves going.”
“Ooh those are fighting words!” Blossom cooed. “Hmm…it’s quite the debate isn’t it?”
“There’s only one way to settle this.”
“Oh…?”
The door to Blossom’s apartment blew open as the two mares were practically connected at the mouth. Sure, maybe it was the alcohol talking but neither gave a shit at the moment as Blossom guided both of them to her bedroom. “We have to be quiet,” she whispered. “I got two other roommates here and they might be sleeping.”
“Well, I hate to break it to you but they say I’m good with my tongue so you’re probably going to be screaming like a baby alicorn by the time I’m done with you.”
“Ooh I do love when you talk dirty~”
Oh she screamed alright. I have to admit though I may have been wrong in my assumptions. Pegasi really can go a long time cause boy was she horny and I ended up being bottom bitch for awhile. Not that I minded of course.
About two hours later, both mares were panting hard as they laid next to each other. “Well…that was definitely one of the more exciting bouts of sex I’ve ever had,” Blossom giggled.
“Yeah…masturbating ain’t got nothing on this,” Jade said tiredly.
“Aw…you’ve gone that long without it?” Blossom kissed her neck.
“Well, I can’t really go up to a girl and ask, ‘You like pussy?’”
“Oh I wouldn’t have minded actually…”
“You say that afterwards.”
Suddenly, the door opened and two pairs of eyes peered inside. One was a cream colored earth pony and the other was a mint-colored unicorn. “You guys still fucking?”
“Uh…”
“It’s alright, those are my roommates,” Blossom said. “Jade, meet Lyra and Bon Bon. Sorry, were we making too much noise?”
“It’s nothing we’re not used to,” Bon Bon said. “I only ask cause…”
“She wants to join in,” Lyra smirked.
Jade just stared at the two ponies.
“Oh…I forgot to tell you these two are actually lovers,” Blossom smiled. “We also tend to…have a threesome from time to time. You think I’m crazy, you haven’t seen these two in action.”
“Wait…you want to do a four-way?”
“Blossom’s pretty good at wearing ponies out so don’t feel bad,” Bon Bon said. “If not now there’s always the morning.”
Jade just looked at the two of them and looked back at Blossom. Fuck it. “Oh what the hell…you can never have too much pussy.”
I learned something important that night. You may think you’re the only pony in the world who’s different, or so different that you fear others may cast you out, but then you realize you’re in the same boat as many others and those are the kind of people who you should be with. That and holy fuck Blossom wasn’t kidding these two mares are awesome! We’re making four-ways a daily thing now!
Author's Note
You can never have too much pussy.
Best quote ever. 
