Well, I think that went rather well. I thought as I walked down the halls of Canterlot palace.

It had been an hour since the bomb detonated, and the reaction was what you’d expect.

Mare’s screaming and covering up their naughty bits while Stallions suffered from sudden erections and anime-esque nosebleeds.

Apparently it was worse in Canterlot with how all the mares, both noble and common maids, grew out and their tops burst open as their breasts moved up and grew in on their chests.

And I mourned many of the guards who were nearby to witness such an event as Equestria’s military had the most sacred yet cruelest form of protection.

The double-edged sword that is the crotch-plate.

The doors opened for me as the guards and I walked into the main throne room-turned court.

And as I set foot inside, I was promptly knocked down and clamped into one of the stockades, enchanted to be unbreakable and was magic absorbing.

Can’t break it, can’t manipulate the wood to escape.

Clever girl. I mentally praised, just as I heard some familiar grunts and the stockades next to me clamped shut.

Discovering it to be none other that Starburst who was imprisoned next to me.

“Hey… come here often?” I wise-cracked, rewarded with a crack to the head from the butt of a wise guy’s spear.

“We found her in the Everfree, your majesty, using this in an attempt to escape capture.” the guard pulled out what was essentially ODM gear using magic instead of gas.

“You're making a mistake…” Star said.

“You don’t have a say in the matter, criminal.”

“How am I a bad pony here? I was minding my own business when this.. whatever it is, detonated.”

“Don’t play dumb, we know of your agreement with the perpetrator.”

“Just because we have a contract doesn't mean we do everything together. You captured me while I was testing my Omnidirectional Mobility Suit prototype… how you caught me is actually quite a testament to the guard.”

“... your hook missed a branch and you slammed into one of the trees, didn’t you?” I asked, clearly not believing that bullshit.

“Close… I.. well, I ended up spearing a guard that got in the way of one of the trees.. it only punctured the armor, thankfully, and not his body.”

“Well their skulls shouldn’t be the only thick things on hand-”

“Enough!” I flinched at Celestia’s raised voice. “Orgran the Red, Starburst Cog, you are accused of one joint charge of disrupting the natural order of all of Equus, Starburst is charged with one account of assault, and Orgran charged with ten accounts of assault, one count of resisting arrest and 3 charges of destruction of property alongside piloting an unregistered vehicle referred to as a… quoted from official documentation, a ‘Hell-Knight’. How do you plead?”

“Not guilty, your grace.” I said. “For one I had registered the Hell-Knight on the same day as its construction, Mayor Mare just has terrible organisation skills when it comes to paperwork.”

“Not guilty, your highness. I had no association with the device that disrupted the natural order and the puncturing of guard armor was involuntary, a mistake.”

“You say that!” a unicorn with a black mane wearing a red suit that matches the shade of his coat walks in. “but the prosecution has proof of your involvement in the production of this explosive!”

“I’m sorry, who are you?” I ask.

“Inches Cornerworth.” I hold back a mix of a laugh and a groan at some joke made by the universe. “But the fact of the matter is the ‘Anthro Bomb’ would not have been able to be created without Starburst’s expertise.”

“... You doubt the engineering expertise of a dwarf? Are you trying to declare to the court that you're stupid?” Starburst beat me to the punch.

“Oh to the contrary, we are aware of Orgran’s skillset, but many of the parts within the device and the schematics seem to be… pony, in origin, the detonator, for example, uses a magic receptive material for the button and casing, which is common for devices that are used by creatures with hooves, also many of the bombs mechanisms to the magic injection chamber and dispersal array, all originate from one of your drafts of a, quote, ‘Monster Girl Transformation Cannon’, not only proving your hooves were involved in construction, but also the motive of you using this detonation as a test-run.”

Starburst facehoofed, well, facepalmed.

“Orgran has access to my blueprints, and hello?! It's a bomb that used magic, of course the detonator would be a magic conductor! All of your evidence is just circumstantial horseapples!”

“But of course one of the most damning pieces of evidence is how you’re working so hard to push the blame.”

“You've got me chained up for a crime I didn't commit, During an ongoing war that will most likely end with your oh so precious world order shredded to pieces, and instead of Doing something about it, like Orgran did, you're engaging in this farce of a trial! This is quite literally childish, and I, for one, move for the trial to be suspended until such time that Equestria isn't at risk!”

“We had already made a vote on such a thing and it has been denied, this trial will continue until a final verdict is made.” Luna stated, and gestured for Inches to continue.

“Which is working in my favour, we don’t just use evidence, we also use the defendant’s actions, for example, throughout this trial you could’ve simply proven Orgran’s innocence and then both of you would’ve been found not guilty, instead you have opted to attempt to prove you had no involvement in this crime and therefore force your friend to shoulder the blame and take the full punishment in your stead.”

To be honest, by how she wasn’t trying to help me I had felt a little betrayed.

She sighed. “sorry, Orgran.. I’m no lawyer, and it's obvious they've already decided our fate… we're probably not getting out of here alive.. Princesses.. my last request is that you make my death quick.. and absolute. I don't want to be brought back as a monster to be raped by the Caribou….”

When she looked, it seemed they hadn’t heard her, but in truth I had silenced her words.

“Oh you are not giving up on me, Starburst! You’ve been thinking inside the box! The goal here isn’t to prove we didn’t do these acts, the goal is to prove my plan has not disrupted Equus’ natural order.”

“.. goddess, I am so stupid..”

“Besides the death penalty was removed from Equestrian law 500 years ago.”

“Okay.. *sigh* I'm good now.”

I smile and remove the spell. “Your majesty, we believe our crime is non existent, our actions have not caused disruption of natural order.”

“Oh? Then please explain.” Celestia said, a knowing smirk on her face.

“They have been in preservation of it.” Starburst chimed in.

Celestia’s smile grew a little. “As I said, please explain why you believe that to be so?”

“I only heard parts of Orgran's announcement, but from what I heard, his actions, and mine, thanks to my designs being used, were to foil the plans of the Caribou to invade while we were helpless, figuring out our own bodies. We preserved the world order.. by just giving it a tiny little nudge. The Caribou would see this world order destroyed… that is all, your highness.”

“As proof of this prevention, I had said in my speech the crystals were reprogrammed to allow an instant transition, plus the crystals were designed to only target sapient species, so you won’t be seeing any anthropomorphic rabbits or manticores.”

“Well your words speak truth, and while the elements were disoriented, they can vouch that the change from quadruped to biped was not as jarring as it could have been, and I am proof that the original crystals did not have such a feature, and that even I was vulnerable… I thank you, Orgran, Starburst, for allowing your testimonies to be heard so that the noble court finally realized your innocence, I find the two accused to be… not guilty.”

Starburst fainted, and a guard moved to check on her. It just seemed to be stress exhaustion… probably from fearing for her life., so I decided to carry her home.

After a while Starburst woke up in bed, where I was keeping a stoic, yet not-creepy, watch over her.

Which was important since 1: the Caribou were not happy with my speech and 2: apparently Caribou ninjas are a thing.

She immediately gasped, and grabbed my arm. “We need to get to work!”

“Woah! Easy! Why are you panicking?!”

“They're coming..”

“I have good news and bad news about that, the good news is, no they aren’t yet, they’re preparing back in their kingdom.”

“The bad?”

“Their preparations involve summoning the demon they serve, and my nature’s sight is unable to reach over the seas, so I still don’t know what demon they serve, nor what ancient war machines they have unearthed, but luckily, we have something that they don’t.”

“A Dwarven Engineer!”

“Nope!”

“Easily replaceable Cannon Fodder!” I say, showing her the underground test area where I have spawning crystals for both purple and blue minions, along with turrets in a constant battle where no side is able to get the better of the other. This was where I practiced using the plans Thrin gave me.

“Nice.”

“And they’re pure magic construct, so you don’t have to worry about having them be slaughtered by the thousands since they’re not really alive.”

“Yep! Wait, Where's my OMS prototype?”

“Oh I scrapped it, not intentionally but it was either that or let the Caribou ninja steal it.”

“Oh, well. Wait, did you burn the schematic, too?! Please tell me you did!”

“Well I didn’t, we should be thankful the Caribou are prideful enough to think they could reverse engineer the prototype and greedy enough to not want us to use it.”

“Phew.. I've got the design memorized.”

“I’ve just been smart and have all my blueprints in Dwarven Scripture, since only me or Hella can read it… by the way, I bet you’re curious about the Hell-Knight, right?”

“A little.. but my mind is buzzing with my idea, I need to build it before I forget it.”

“No, you are not building ODM gear! Those things are only for ninjas or completely reckless idiots, and besides you almost killed an innocent with the prototype!”

“The finished version won't use harpoons, I learned from my mistake. And it would be very hard to harm oneself in a suit of armor that could limit movement in an accident situation.”

“Besides, it would never see military use.”

“Well, crap.. that idea will never see the light of day..”

“Listen Starburst, as a scientist you should be prepared for this, besides, I do have projects for you.”

“Remember how I was the one that hired you? Heh.. anyways, you said?”

“Well as you are the head royal scientist for the Dwarven Kingdom, I was hoping you could use some raw Dwarven DNA and find a seeding method we could use in the Badlands to allow my race to flourish again, I already have samples, and the crown of Elnir, in your personal lab for you to begin, while the other projects are for the terraforming of said badlands and any improvements you could make to the Firebat design or any modifications to allow Centurions to have specialist roles.”

“I thought up a new incendiary fuel.. but it's Really dangerous.”

“Work on it in your time, but right now, I want you in my quarters this evening, something involving Hella and a nurse’s outfit.” I say before walking off.

Later on, Starburst showed up in a nurse outfit, and walked into my quarters.

“You called, King Orgran?”

“Well first off I wasn’t expecting you to be up for it.” I say, actually surprised.

“wait, what?? I thought there was genuinely Something medical you wanted me to tend to..”

“Starburst if I wanted actual medical advice I would go to the hospital, are you completely unaware of the terms ‘kinky outfits’ or ‘role-playing’? In all honesty I wasn’t hinting at you to put on a nurse’s outfit.”

“... Oh.. okay.” She teleported it off, leaving her Stark naked. “It was rubbing my fur weird anyways.”

“You see, the main reason I called you here is because Hella learned a new spell ‘Gaia Connection’ which lets her create a link between herself and an object to either control it like a limb or feel sensations from it as if it was a part of her.”

“Okay..? What does this have to do with me?”

“She wants to try out the sensation part and… you ever heard of a Glass Dildo Strap-on?”

And then Hella walks in and stands behind Star. “hello Mom, want Nurse Hell to check your temperature~?” she blushed, and nodded, and I saw her start to become wet.

“Now I know this is about her, but would be opposed to me joining in?”

“By all means~.. I'm feeling really horny~!”

And so that night, I found myself in a three-way with my wife and her mom.

… that is really fucking kinky.

Author's Note

what do you call a bad clopfic with plenty of anal?

a story with too many plotholes!

also, why is nobody suggesting on the blog? I thought there'd be tons of people with ideas!