Author's Note

Back to Mylinian shenanigans and lulz from our favourite Dwarven Bastard!

Chapter 27: CRYSTAL EMPIRE! wait, no, we're building from last chapter... DIDN'T THINK THRIN'S VISIT WOULD ADD ANYTHING, DID YOU?! YOU THOUGHT WRONG!

*Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.*

Come on… I can sense it…

*Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.*

There you are! I’m so close! I just need to-

“Hey dad!” Starlight said as she appeared behind me

*ziggy zoopie bop-pop doobily doo!*

“AGH!” I jump and grasp my chest. “Starlight! Be careful! You made my heart doobily doo!”

“I made your heart do what?”

“I… nevermind,” I shake my head. “Why are you here?”

“Oh! Celestia sent you a message.”

“Don’t tell me, the crystal empire has returned and they want me to help Twilight and the others to stop So-”

“Actually they’re just informing you that Twilight and the others left already and they want you to not worry while they’re gone.”

“... Starlight, retrieve the dragon lantern Twilight gave me.”

“Okay dad.” she said as she head off.

Now I bet some of you are groaning, ‘really? Going to meddle in destiny affairs again? jeez Gary Stu grow a spine.’

Firstly, FUCK OFF!

Secondly, KISS MY ASS!

And thirdly, even if I didn’t have this future knowledge I’d still be wanting to help out my FRIENDS! The only difference is that future knowledge me doesn’t interfere where he is not needed, and with his awareness of Pony Society, does not make things worse.

As for things like Sonic Rainboom, even if I was friends with the Mane Six by then I couldn’t come, even with a cloudwalking spell I’m too heavy…

...it’s actually rather upsetting to know a spell considers you ‘too heavy’ to work since spells are inherently meant to say fuck you to physics.

So I’m not doing this to take away the spotlight, I’m doing this so my friends don’t have to deal with the horrible shadow-demon while Cadence slowly dies from having to keep a shield up.

While SHINING ARMOUR. THE CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD. HUSBAND TO PRINCESS OF LOVE MI AMORE CADENZA! IS FUCKING USELESS!

*crack*

Ah fuck I broke my pen.

Is it obvious how much I hate how much the male cast gets screwed over in this show? The only one that isn’t getting the short end of the stick is Discord, yet another reason why he’s my favourite character.

Aha! New pen! Now let’s finish this… aaaand done!

*fwoom!*

I watched as the wisp flew off.

{POV CHANGE: THIRD PERSON, CRYSTAL EMPIRE}

“Alright girls let’s-” Twilight was cut off when a scroll appeared in front of her.

“What is it sugarcube?” Applejack asked.

“It’s a letter.”

“From Celestia?” Rarity inquired.

“Not sure… ‘Dearest Twilight Sparkle. Sunny D-a is being an idiot again.’”

“It’s Orgran.” the group all chimed at the same time, prompting giggles to follow before Twilight continued.

“‘Fortunately it’s not about not giving you guard detail or deciding not to handle the situation themselves, they were correct in understanding that they couldn’t really figure out a solution to the problem, not like a certain unicorn can in any case,’” Twilight blushed a little. “*ahem* ‘the main problem is that they left behind the Dwarf that has intricate knowledge of both Dark and Equestrian Magics from studying the Caribou Crystals’...”

There was the sound of a Facehoof that echoed through the palace.

“WHY DID I NOT BRING THAT UP?!” the unicorn said, irate. “‘This letter is to smooth things along, I cannot explain everything in detail or else I’d be holding your hand, so instead I’m gonna give you vague clues, double check your crystal faire book, the artifact is real, take spike with you, check the boss chair, dark magic on chair, good magic on door, to save time remember the gravity spell, and finally the most important tip… never put the burden on yourself… your friend, Orgran.’” I smile. “‘P.S. send… nudes…’ OH THAT PIG!” she huffed.

To clarify, thanks to the Anthro-Bomb’s ‘transition effect’ ponies had gotten a new perspective on their bodies, so clothing did become a casual thing once everything settled, especially since they weren’t as resistant to the cold as before.

{POV CHANGE: ORGRAN}

“So what were you working on before?” Starlight asked, pointing to the totem I was originally focusing my magic on.

“Well, you remember the Rustbeards?”

“You mean those undead Dwarves?” she shuddered at the memory. “Yeah, why?”

“A long time ago before I ended up here I fought the Netherlord with a group of friends, when they died I had assumed the Nether Magic of the land made it so their souls could never return, but I was mistaken!”

“...eh?”

“We all were linked to a respawn totem, designed to bring us back from death unless our souls were lost to the afterlife, the Entropy of Nether Magic was believed to force those lost to the afterlife when in truth it actually made them cling to the real world even more!”

“...”

“*sigh* the Nether Magic didn’t make it impossible for them to respawn, it’s just blocking the anchor that lets a totem reach out and pull their souls back from death, so I’m using a recreation of our old group totem, since the old one was clearly destroyed, and trying to force the anchor through the wall.”

“I don’t get it, if that was possible, why not use the totem to bring back all those Dwarves?”

It was a good question, but it did have an answer. “I only have so much Arcanite on hand, this totem used the last of it, the more people you link, the more Arcanite you need to sustain it… besides, they all wanted to pass on, they were too broken to live their lives as before.”

“Oh…”

“But these 4, Interse, Selena, Onera and Hearth, my oldest friends were killed by the Netherlord, their last battle was so anticlimactic, so painful, I don’t want them to pass on after that, especially not after the bonds we made with each other… I… I have to try, for them, even if I fail…”

“I got it, dad… need any help?”

“...I’d like a hug…” I say, and in response she picks me up, the act of affection managing to soothe the stress of today, and once she finished I turned my attention back to the totem and went back to work, undead and earth magic hand in hand to pull them back from the brink.

Closer…

And closer…

Ever closer…

“AGH! Work already you stupid piece of-” I kick it.

And it began to glow.

“OH SHIT!” I tackle Starlight out of the room and close the door, crashing into Pine.

“Ow! What was that for!?” he barked out before the explosion erupted in the room we were just in. “...well I can safely say that would warrant such haste… I’ll go tell Hella you blew up your lab… again.” he huffed as he walked off.

“I… I fucked it up, I had one chance and I let my emotions get the better of me.”

“Dad…” Starlight said quietly, placing a hand on my shoulder as I rested my head against the door…

My eyes opened wide when I heard a series of groans.

“Ugh… what happened?”

“Hey! Get your tail off my face!”

“Get your face off my tail!”

“THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS!”

I burst into the room, seeing four figures piled onto each other in front of the still intact totem.

“Orgran! Get your fat ass over here and help us up!” the blonde haired warrior yelled.

I was crying, I could not hold back the laughter and joy of what I saw, I dropped to my knees and yelled in victory.

“I DID IT!”

…

“Okay what’s up with him?”

“Shut up, Hearth.” the three groaned at the oblivious reptile.