Author's Note

there was a half-way chapter before this, but it was caught out by Wild Balance as to how bad it was so it's gone, thanks Wild, helped me out a lot and now we can do an ACTUAL chapter.
p.s. yes Raven doesn't stick around long, that's the point.

Chapter 5: NORMANDY CAN'T HANDLE THE DWARF!

I watch as the Normandy landed where that mountain used to be. Welp, time to meet a friend from my past.

You’re probably wondering how I know this guy, right? Well it’s quite simple, we chatted online, made a few stories and played a few online games, despite distant memories of his voice and his old name, he always went with his alias.

Raven Lunaris.

So Raven Lunaris, now Raven Shephard, has just shown up. Is he a girl? I’ll fucking laugh he rule 63’d himself.

The hatch opens and… out comes a hovering tank-like vehicle.

Well, fuck.

“Starburst.” I say to the scientist Unicorn. “Go inside.”
She didn't listen.. “I'm curious about these beings.”
“GET THE FUCK INSIDE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I KICK YOU IN!” she yelps and runs inside… after a moment I sigh and send a little paper aeroplane note.

sorry, I just want to keep you safe.

After that I wait to see if the tank will slow down.. but it's not. No, it jumped. “The fuck?!” I exclaim in my moment of confusion, and it turns to face me, it's heavy bore cannon pointed to the horizon, then Raven comes out.. along with two alien crewmembers. “Sup, Bitches?”
“Raven? Is that you, ya crazy bastard!?” he mirthfully chuckles.
“A father and in the flesh!”
“A father? When did THAT happen?”
“Eeh, about 1235 years ago.” he replied.
“Damn yer old.” he chuckles.
“And the only human to recover from a bad case of dead as fuck.”
“Wait, for real!? What’s next ya gonna say you became a ‘stoner’?”
“Faust turned me to stone.. so I could always be there when I was needed.. Of course, I was Para-gade, so the nobles were overjoyed that I was no longer shooting at their hooves every time they tried to negatively bring up Tia and Lulu's origins..”
Hmm… maybe he… I think to myself. “So do you think you’re like Samurai Jack then? You know the whole unable to age thing by being outside your own time?”
“I became immortal, yeah.. it's.. Odd, seeing EDI and the Normandy.. knowing I'm just as eternal as them, now… I haven't seen or heard of Faust since she left.”
“That’s harsh, though considering your crew are with you I doubt you were the only one to get that gift, and me? Well where I’m from Dwarves are naturally immortal! Unfortunately so are Elves.” I start grinding my surprisingly strong teeth.
“Actually, most of the crew didn't, but all my away team crew did.. the mortal crewmembers just, moved on with their lives… our world has A LOT of pony satyrs..”
“You mean, like anthros, right? ...lucky bastard.”
“Actually, anthros, oddly, only started after Tia and Luna cast a spell, no, I mean full pony bottom, human top.. they're absolutely adorable!” He shows me a holographic photo of a woman holding up a toddler.. with pony traits from the waist down, yet human from the waist up..
“Ya still a lucky bastard for having anthros in the first place!”
“I pretty much got pseudo-raped that day.. And thus, Tia and Luna were conceived…”
“Raven… think here, I am an angry beer-soaked beard on legs that enjoys all the pleasures in life, I am in a female dominant world which would clearly be harem material if not for my morals and one problem… they’re all quadraped ponies, and as such couldn’t even give me a hard-on in their dreams!”
“Wow.. Sucks to be you.”
“It’s why I had Starburst work on cloning more of my kind through my blood, I think it might be this body but I can’t wait to meet a female of my kind, I can imagine it now… she walks over to me, we look into each other’s eyes, then we proceed to beat the crap out of each other in a fist fight until we fall to the floor and make out after getting so worked up!” I have a thought. Yep… definitely a Dwarf thing.
“You sound just like a Krogan…”
“Oh no we find who we like how many humans do, the fighting’s just to determine who wears the pants in the relationship, if I lost I’d still have a girlfriend, just that she’d have me by a leash calling her ‘mistress’.” he smiles and chuckles, then he gets a notification on his Omni-tool.
“Oh, gotta go.. Things to do. Call me when you wanna chat again!”
“Will do! Shine on ya crazy diamond! our contract is complete!” with those words he disappears, and so does everything he brought.
“... nice meeting him again… even if he’s gotten weird.”
“Say, Who was that?” I jump at the new and familiar voice.
“DAMMIT STARBURST DIDN’T I TELL YA TA STAY INSIDE!?”

Anyways, while all this was going down, Canterlot was going to SHIT.

...granted it made sense it was going to shit after the disappearance of an entire mountain, moving on.

Celestia was back in court, the elements of harmony present and already briefed on the situation while the solar diarch is trying and failing to calm down the nobles. “My little ponies, please!” she exclaims. “There is no cause for panic, I assure you the situation will be handled immediately!”

One of the no-balls starts squawking. “NO CAUSE!? AN ENTIRE MOUNTAIN HAS DISAPPEARED! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYPONY TO BE CALM!?”
“I understand but-”
“WE’RE DOOMED! OUR KINGDOM IS LOST! THIS CREATURE WILL DESTROY US ALL!” another bastard screams.
“Now wait this is clearly-”
“IT’S THE END OF EQUESTRIA! EVERYPONY FOR THEMSELVES!” oh this one seemed to be Blueblood.
Also, Celestia kinda had enough of this bullshit, especially knowing guards were most likely being trampled outside by riots of panic and fear.
“SHUT UP!!!”
Everypony stops in their tracks and stays silent, except for Twilight. “Celestia, I was expecting it to be a more regal phrase-”
“Don’t. Twilight. Not right now, I am too infuriated to be tactful right now, and besides I know more than anypony that being informal and straightforward always seems to get their attention. Now! All of you in this court today, I am ashamed, you are supposed to represent the best of Equestria and now you panic over the loss of a single mountain, even when we have already faced threats that have done much worse, but in truth, we cannot assume that Orgran is a threat, we are Equestria, the icon of Harmony herself, and as such we must not judge those before we have met them!”
“But princess-”
“No! We will not send forces to subdue him and the elements will not be sent to imprison him.”
“What!?” the Mane Six ask in surprise.
“We will wait for him to reveal himself, and then I will meet him personally to see what this ‘Orgran’ wants, if he shows hostile intent, only then will I send the guard, and if that fails, the elements, understood?”
The nobles all nod worriedly, still nervous of my actions.

To think, me and Celestia were on the same page even if we didn’t know it.

I wanted her to find me.