Don't Look Inside

by Elu

Chapter 67: Through the Eyes of Others

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As Sirius limped down the hallway to the classroom he needed, he couldn't help but notice ponies glancing and even staring at him. They tried to pretend like they didn't look but the former human could see the truth quite clearly as his eyes scanned the surroundings.

His longsword bumped against his side as he walked, creating a peculiar noise that was almost silent but could be instantly recognizable. There was a faint rattle as well as irregular gait that made Sirius stand out in terms of making sounds. Because of his limp, the way he walked was different from others' especially in terms of rhythm. There was a slight increase in speed as soon as his injured leg was used. It was a subtle thing but others noticed it without even realizing it.

All the students in the school came to know whom Sirius was. In their eyes he was a warrior, a protector who would stand up against evil no matter how big it would be. He might be silent during the classes but his actions spoke for themselves, making him quite an interesting pony to look at.

He was admired by most, envied by some, and even feared by a certain few, mainly the troublemakers that messed with other students or even teachers. No one approached him due to the ever so subtle fear and uncertainty. However, there were positive sides to being famous. Colts wanted to be like him: brave, strong, and willful. Fillies liked him because of those qualities and more: mystery, looks, and the ability to defend others. No one knew where he came from, a strange pony with a foreign name not seen before, but he managed to win the Grand Tournament of Equestria and save the country from evil changelings and their power-hungry queen. He did it all by himself, going through fire and frost to do what had to be done.

Sirius had become a legendary pony like the famous bearers of the Elements of Harmony, but in a different and much more interesting way. While the bearers were just normal ponies possessing artifacts of immense power, he was self-sufficient warrior from the unknown, having fighting skills to match even those of Nightmare Moon, the darker alter-ego of Princess Luna that was feared to this day.

No one knew who Sirius was or what he felt. The only pony he talked to was Iclyn and no one dared questioning her about him, fearing his wrath. He had proven to be capable of hurting others without any restraint, something most ponies couldn't do even in extreme situations, as rare as they were at the time. He was an enigma, a mystery, someone who could be seen clearly but not through. He wasn't hiding or running away, he was out in the open and didn't fear to do what he deemed necessary to be done.

Sirius stared ahead of himself as he walked through the school. His eyes bore a fake careless and slightly tired look, his pace of walking was slow, his movements seemingly relaxed but still fluid. He moved through the crowd of ponies with ease as most of them stepped aside to let him pass, ignoring anyone and anything, including the stares and even signs of affection from single fillies

To those fillies, he looked quite well indeed even without taking into account his personality traits. While he wasn't exactly muscular, he was slim, something that was rare among stallions of his height. Speaking of his height, he was taller than most ponies of his age, he was even taller than a lot of adults. It made him stand out of the crowd and be quite noticeable among the students.

His very short mane gave him the appearance of a warrior from the past. He had barely noticeable white streaks in his mane, telling those who saw them about how many things he had been through. Sirius intended to keep the mane short so that the white in it wouldn't be too noticeable.

Another permanent damage to his body were the scars. They didn't make him ugly at all, instead making him handsome in an interesting way. While scars can be disfiguring, Sirius didn't have any hideous scars on his face, and so he didn't have to worry about looking ugly. In truth, even in pony culture and society, scars meant masculinity and strength, especially among the pegasi.

His purple eyes had something in themselves as well, making it easy to get lost in them. When he talked to anyone, he tended to look into their eyes as if he wanted to see their very soul. Some found it interesting, others found it scary, but all could agree that his look was hypnotizing. It could also be heavy and unsettling at times but it was rare.

Sometimes, fangs could be seen in his mouth when he spoke or ate, making others guess that he had lunar pegasi heritage, and that kind of ponies was rare to meet outside of the largely unknown Night Guard of Princess Luna.

Despite everything, Sirius walked confidently. His steps told others of his strength and will to continue going no matter what. Even his limp didn't make him look weaker, instead making him look like a battle-hardened veteran who went through inferno and frost and dusted off the ash and snow like it was nothing.

Finally, Sirius, Iclyn, Anastasia, and Wind Rider entered the classroom. Taking their respective places, they prepared for the lessons to start. There was just a few students in the classroom aside from the four. Interestingly, Sweetwater seemed to be absent.

"Sirius, I want to ask you something." Iclyn said quietly, gaining the attention of the former human. "Ever since we made love, you've barely, well, showed any affection to me. Is something wrong?"

"Should we discuss it right now?" Sirius replied just as quietly as he looked around. It looked like no one was listening to their conversation.

"I just want to know." the filly explained. "I, um... I haven't hurt you, have I?"

"No... I just don't want to do anything in public."

"Well, uh, pretty much the whole school assumed we've been a thing since the first week." Iclyn said. "There shouldn't be a problem, really. You can do anything to me if you want. Heck, even bend me over and do it right here if you like."

Sirius glanced at her in surprise, his cheeks bearing a pink tint. He nervously fidgeted in place as he processed what was told to him. The idea of having sex again did come up a few times but he didn't want to bother Iclyn with it. He wasn't sure if he could make the first move.

"Even that? In public?" he asked with great uncertainty after looking around once again. "Won't it get us both in trouble?"

"Well, I have no idea, actually." Iclyn shrugged. "But I heard the rumors that it had happened a few times. I don't know about the consequences, though." she placed her forelegs on the desk and lifted herself up slightly. "I guess you want to do that?"

"...No. I'm just curious." he shook his head, and Iclyn sat down. "I'm... not into that." he added nervously, and then said: "I'm, um, not very... romantic or even, uh... I don't even know anything about relationships."

"It's still okay to show some love, you know?" the filly leaned in and kissed him on the lips. He returned the soft kiss but didn't continue it, opting to part instead.

"I'm... not comfortable. I'm sorry." he said as he averted his eyes.

"It's alright." Iclyn assured him. "Still, it's an option whenever you want to do it."

Meanwhile, Anastasia was blushing as she turned away from the two. That display of love left her flustered as she nervously shifted in place and tried to look at something that wasn't either of two lovers.

She remembered that Stanislav didn't show anything to her at the school or anywhere else. He never tried to kiss her or even touch her without permission. At that time, she dismissed it as just him being awkward and nervous around girls. However, he did care for her in a number of different ways that didn't involve physical contact. He was always there for her when she needed him, always ready to listen to whatever she had to say, and he did it regardless of his own problems.

The girl sighed quietly, her ears folded and her eyes looking down, her posture weak and fragile. She wished those simple days of youth could return. She would study with Stanislav again and have no worries about anything. Maybe she would be able to act differently? She never knew how to respond to his affection that seemed all too sudden for her back then.

He was one of her best friends. While he was never talkative even with her, he was a good listener and was always willing to share his thoughts and give advice if asked for it. Anastasia had no idea he had been harboring deeper feeling for her, and those feelings went beyond friendship.

Maybe she could've handled the situation differently? She didn't know. She never had the natural ability of Stanislav to read people's thoughts. He could always see behind the masks of others and the girl was always fascinated by it. She knew it wasn't mind reading, he could be fooled. However, most people didn't have that ability to wear an impenetrable mask that he wore.

Anastasia remembered how strange he looked when he first entered the school she was studying at. They were both twelve, him being a few months older than her. He wore casual clothes of dark colors that didn't catch the eye. Those clothes were slightly baggy, hiding his almost unhealthily skinny appearance. His dark-brown hair was messy and unwashed, his skin pale, and his dark-green eyes bore a heavy gaze.

"How about you introduce yourself to us?" their teacher said. Stanislav was standing in front of the whole class, his discomfort hidden underneath a neutral and seemingly bored expression as he stared at the shelves at the end of the classroom.

"I'm Stanislav Zima." the boy said quietly but still loud enough to be heard. Anastasia looked at him with interest. It seemed he was from Russia, judging by his name and surname. However, there was absolutely no accent. "I came from another city. You can call me just Stas."

With those few words being said, he went silent as he observed his new classmates, his gaze going from one face to another. He gave equal time to everyone, including his future friend. No one had caught his interest as of yet.

"Well," the teacher said, breaking the silence. "You may take a seat, Stanislav."

The boy nodded and went to the desk where Anastasia was sitting, which was right in front of the blackboard. He sat down to her left and unpacked his things. He put just a few items onto the desk: a notebook, a pencil, a pen, a ruler, and an eraser. He didn't even bother to say hello to the classmate he shared the desk with. He stared at the teacher as she began writing on the blackboard and explain what was being written.

Anastasia wrote down what the teacher dictated to the students. She often glanced at Stanislav only to see him staring at the blackboard, following teacher's hand with his eyes.

The teacher turned around to explain something and immediately noticed that the new student hadn't written a thing.

"Is there a problem, Stanislav?" she asked him warily.

"No, there isn't." he shook his head, seemingly not understanding the issue.

Everyone looked at him, interested in the reason why the teacher asked him about that. He felt uncomfortable under so many stares but he didn't let it show as he looked at the teacher.

"Why aren't you writing, then?" she inclined, a small frown present on her face.

"I'm listening." Stanislav replied. "Trying to understand."

"Understanding comes with learning, and to learn something you need to have it first." she replied. "Be so kind and write everything down, boy."

"Why?" came a genuine question.

"If I check later and not see a single word, you'll get a bad mark." the teacher turned back to the black. "So, students, here we..."

The lesson continued normally from then on. However, Stanislav was scolded at by the end of the lesson since he had very little in his notebook. It was his first warning from a teacher, and the girl was sure he was angered by it judging by the look on his face.

Even back then, he was a very interesting and yet a strange person. He was never afraid to question what he found illogical or unreasonable. He had changed since then, and Anastasia didn't know if Sirius did such things anymore. He surely stood up for himself and those he cared about, that trait of his hadn't changed in the slightest.

It was a simple and good time back then. At least she wasn't stuck in another world for who knows how long.

She felt as lonely as ever. Her mind was clouded by dark thoughts as she thought once again about returning home. Princess Luna promised her to find a way but if there was none? What would she do then? She missed her family and friends very much, would she be able to move on?

She hoped there was an answer to each of those questions.


The classes were uneventful and passed as usual, just as they should. After the final class was over, the four went to the cafeteria to grab a bite before going home. The colt was walking with a smile on his face. It seemed like he would fly up to the ceiling while not being a pegasus judging by the spring in his step. His ears were perked up and his eyes were beaming with happiness ever since he met his father. With the issue resolved, he had nothing else to fear. Most importantly, he was supported by his friends and it seemed he befriended Sirius as well.

Wave glanced at the former human and couldn't help but wonder about why did he help him. Sirius wasn't the most friendliest type of pony there was and he had met Wave Rider just once outside the school, and even then the two didn't talk much, especially about anything that would lead to friendship between the two. The colt had to admit that he was wrong about Sirius — he expected him to stand aside or not do much. Instead, Wave could say his life changed because of him.

As for Sirius, he didn't think about it too much. He expected nothing in return, and he did what he did for his own reasons, not because of obligations or anything meaningful like friendship. He was glad the issue was resolved peacefully, though. In truth, he didn't expect it to go like it did and he was surprised he didn't have to use any force to make things better. He remembered having problems with Anastasia's parents because of their strictness but he never dared to speak against it.

Anastasia was pretty relaxed after the classes ended, her dark thoughts gone. It was a long way for her to learn the language but she was already getting a hang on other things such as geography and math, the lessons that she went through on that day. She didn't graduate on top of her class for nothing, after all.

The only person that just enjoyed the presence of her friends without much thinking was Iclyn. She tried not to thing much about what had recently happened — she was looking forward to the future and living in the present. She just hoped that she would spend a good life with the one she loved — Sirius. She walked near him, her side almost pressing against his. However, she wasn't sure he'd like her to show affection to him in public.

They sat down at one of the tables after they grabbed the food they wanted. They ate in a comfortable silence, each in their own thoughts. Some ponies joined them soon and tried to talk. Anastasia and Sirius were silent for their own reasons, Wave Rider was slightly talkative, and Iclyn was speaking most of the times. There were some questions that weren't too importnat, it was more like a friendly chat than anything else.

"Sirius, how are you so good with swords and yet you don't have a special mark?" one of them asked.

"I learned how to do it." he replied. "It doesn't take talent to learn. Spend years of training and you'll be just as good."

"I... don't really believe you." the questioner said. "I mean, to do something as well as you do sword stuff you just have to have talent."

"Perhaps." Sirius nodded slightly. He didn't think that it was talent that allowed him to get that good. He had a need, and he fulfilled it. Nothing more, nothing less. He wasn't inclined to argue over what he knew was true.

"Hey, Sirius!" a voice came from his side. He turned to its source and saw a filly roughly the age of his classmates. "Wanna bang?"

"I have a fillyfriend." he said, putting a foreleg around Iclyn and moving her closer, a slight frown on his face.

"Not planning on creating a herd yet?" the filly continued.

Sirius shook his head.

"Aw... Alright."

The filly went away, swishing her tail, flashing her private parts at Sirius. He didn't look, however. Instead, he pulled Iclyn and kissed her on the lips, showing others that she belonged to him and he belonged to her. He was certain he wouldn't need anyone else besides her. However, he did it out of his love and not because of the desire to prove anyone anything.

Iclyn was surprised but gave in to the kiss and closed her eyes. The kiss was slightly messy because of the food but it still felt nice for both of them.

"Uh, Sirius, I need to tell you something." Iclyn said after the two parted. "My parents need some help, and I planned to visit them anyway, and so I will have returned by tomorrow's morning. It's really personal between me and them, but I'll introduce you to them in the future if you'd like."

"Alright. Have a good time with your family, Iclyn." Sirius nodded with understanding. He knew how important family is. Unfortunately, he no longer had anyone but he wished the best for Iclyn.


He returned to the mansion without Anastasia. The girl decided to stay at the school and learn Commonlang by herself. Hesitantly, Sirius let her go and went home alone. He understood that she could just be searching for a different place to study at. Maybe she would befriend a few ponies, who knew? As with Iclyn, Sirius wished her the best. After everything that had happened to her because of him, she deserved something good.

As soon as he was back at the mansion, he took a refreshing shower before going to bed to rest. His injured leg felt uncomfortable, it was buzzing, and he needed to rest so that the sensation wouldn't become actually painful. He hated the fact that he couldn't use his legs as much as he used to but at least he didn't have to use a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

He limped to the bedroom and entered it. He put the sheathed sword near the bed and sighed, feeling the tiredness and even loneliness. He already wanted Iclyn to be back.

Sirius noticed something odd. One of her drawers was opened, what looked like a blue piece of paper partly seen in it. He remembered seeing something similar some time ago. He picked it up and brought it closer.

It was a midnight-blue envelope with a broken silvery wax stamp. He immediately recognized whom it was from. He frowned slightly — the stamp he had used once was intact. Another letter?

He looked inside it. There, he found a piece of paper. He pulled it out and took a look at it.

He read it. His pupils dilated, his brows going up, his mouth opened slightly, his ears folded against his head as his breathing and heartbeat increased. Anger appeared in his eyes as the letter began to shake in his magical grasp.

Dear Iclyn,

Sirius is dangerous to enemies and wary with others. Take it easy with him, it might be hard to be his roommate.

Sincerely,

Princess Luna


Author's Note

Confrontation with Princess Luna is inevitable now. What so you think about Sirius' next course of action? What will he do? I would like to take a look at your guesses.

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