Toying Around

Arbiter swung open the bathroom. His first sight was the toilet, which was absence of Chief. Unless he was hiding in the bowl, which Arbiter didn’t think Chief would be in.

Peering around the room, he eventually could see Chief riding on a rubber duck in the sink, full of water.

He froze, staring at the sight. A heavy, awkward silence hung in the air.

“hi”  

“What am I looking at?” Arbiter managed to say.

“wat does it look like mothaducka lol”

“Motherducker. How witty.” he climbed up the cabinet and stood next to the ‘pool’. “Are you being a pirate again?”

“silly arbiter piretes dont ride ducks”

“That may be true but it wouldn’t surprise me if you were pretending to be one.”

“im not a 4 yr old”

“No. You act more like a three year old.”

“stfu whorsefucker”

Arbiter could see a piece of paper with writing on it in the corner of his eye. He turned and approached it, staring at the drawings on it.

They were crudely done in black felt tip pen. It was a picture of Arbiter and Twilight and their bodies were awfully out of proportion. A small penis jutted from Arbiter’s crotch. It was arguably the only thing that was drawn well; Chief had a knack for drawing dicks but hardly anything else. Arbiter also had a visibly (but badly done) sad face and was talking in a speech bubble:

“theres nowere 2 fit it in :(“

Arbiter moved his eyes away from the grotesque figure that only vaguely resembled him. He focused onto the picture of Twilight now.

None of her limbs were the same size as another and no attention had been paid to her mane and tail. Her horn was also curved slightly. She had dots for eyes and her mouth was wide open as she was speaking.

“no worries arbiturd i can stik my horn up ur ass”

Arbiter looked away from the cartoon and stared at Chief.

“do u like it? rofl”

“It’s genius. I can really feel how the artist was feeling when he drew it.”

“oh rly?” Chief titled his head to the side slightly.

“Yeah. I can feel his stupidity. I think half of my brain cells just died from looking at it.”

“shut it fuckface u don’t apreciate troo art” Chief pointed objectively at his criticiser.

“If this is true art then I don’t want to appreciate it. Twilight looks like an inbred monstrosity.”

Chief raised his arms in self-praise. “exactli wat i was aiming 4”

“Right.” Arbiter picked up the paper and began walking to the toilet. “I’m putting this where it belongs.”

“on teh fridge?”

“No.” Arbiter dropped the paper into the open toilet bowl. It floated slowly towards its inevitable fate.

“noooooooooooooooo” Chief wailed.

Eventually the paper made contact with the water and absorbed the liquid, forever running Chief’s work. Arbiter then jumped onto the toilet handle, forcing the equipment to flush the paper away to the sewers.

“I’m sure the rats will appreciate it.” Arbiter deftly jumped onto the toilet seat lid and then onto the floor.

“and the alllygatorz” Chief got off his duck and out of the sink.

“Yes. Maybe even the teenage mutant ninja turtles will as well.” Arbiter muttered as he left the bathroom.

Chief dropped down to the floor and began to follow the alien figurine. “imma play on the Xbawx nao”

“You can’t. Twilight and Greg are on it.”

Chief stepped out in front of Arbiter. “wtf u let teh purpel prick on teh Xbawx?!!?1”

“It’s only fair to let her have a chance on it.” Arbiter brushed aside Chief and kept on walking.

“fien i can go on the compooter then” Chief rushed past Arbiter.

“The tissue is waiting for you.” Arbiter said then went to the chair and climbed up it. The controller was in Greg’s legs now, as he showed Twilight his skills in online matches. She seemed quite disgusted at the games. Or rather, the players.

“How can everypony be this rude?”

Arbiter looked to Twilight. “Everypony?”

She looked at him as if it was a no-brainer. “Well yeah. Everypony, somepony, nopony.”

“I think the term you’re looking for is ‘everybody’.”

Twilight blinked, realising her mistake. She then grinned sheepishly and giggled quietly. “Oh yes, forgive me.”

“It’s fine. Your grammar is better than Chief’s by a long shot.” Arbiter looked to Greg. He was far too occupied with playing the game that he couldn’t write anything to say. He listened intently though.

Arbiter looked again at the screen. “The online community allows people to say what they want without consequence. It allows people to show their meaner side.”

“I...see...” Twilight said. “I don’t think I will play online after all.”

“That’s understandable.” Arbiter replied. “Chief would probably prefer that anyway.”

Chief himself was stood before the computer monitor. He was on YouTube and after searching ‘stoopid fucking ponies” and watching several videos, he had found himself at one called APPLE.MOV.

It was a cartoon depicting several ponies, one of which looked exactly like Twilight. There was also a tiny dragon who was obviously stoner.

“roflmao” he said out loud as he watched the video. Once APPLE.MOV had finished, he watched DRESS.MOV. He did this until he had watched every MOV episode available.

Once he had seen them all, he turned around and peered at Twilight from afar. “hey twilit!!!”

Twilight looked at the source of the noise. Upon discovering it was Chief, she frowned a tad. “It’s Twilight. What do you want?”

“whatever vampier lol chek this out” Chief shook around rapidly to emphasise just how important this was.

Twilight sighed and began to trudge her way to Chief.

“Wait.” She paused, turning her head around to look at Arbiter. “I’ll come with you.”

“Thanks. I don’t think I have the strength to deal with him alone just yet.” She smiled softly.

“It’s no problem.” he walked past Greg. “Have fun Greg.” the spider waved a limb in response.

The duo made it to Chief without much of a problem. Twilight seemed to exert more effort than Arbiter but she didn’t seem as tired as she was after scaling the bed.

“ok chek this shit out” Chief turned to the computer mouse and clicked play on the video. He had selected MAGIC.MOV, since it featured the Twilight look alike the most.

He looked at her and pointed at the on screen Twilight when she appeared. “look its uuuuu”

Twilight grimaced and tore her vision away from the video. “That clearly isn’t me! That...” She repeatedly jabbed a hoof towards the monitor whilst she attempted to find the words. “That is a gross, twisted version of me!”

“It’s nice to see you embrace your pony side, Chief.” Arbiter said.

“qwiet this aint abowt u” Chief turned to Arbiter.

“No, hence why I’m walking back to the Xbox now.” he prepared himself for the journey back, walking to the edge of the desk.

“n0t so fast its my turn fuckers swaaaaaaag” Chief ran hurriedly to the chair.

Arbiter let him run and looked back at Twilight. She had figured out how to change the webpage to Google and was about to type into the search bar.

“You coming, Twilight?”

She didn’t look back. “No no, I’ll just do some research.”

“Alright. Be careful though, the internet harbours a lot of horrors.”

“I’ll keep that in mind Arbiter, thank you.” she began to type but Arbiter had already left.

Back at the chair, Chief violently snatched the controlled away from Greg and forcefully exited the current match the spider was participating in. “my turn shit fer face”

Greg hastily grabbed a post-it note and his pen.

Hey! D:<

“u can shout @ me all u want bu—oh yeh u cant lol” He sat the controller on his legs and signed in on his own Xbox Live account.

Greg didn’t bother replying to the Chief but greeted Arbiter when he arrived.

Wb :) where’s Twilight?

“Still at the computer.” Arbiter grabbed a second controller, which was tucked away at the back of the chair behind Chief. He sat down next to the SPARTAN figure. “I’m playing with you.”

“fien” Chief said. The lack of complaint either meant that he accepted this or he couldn’t be bothered to argue. Chief and Arbiter had some enjoyable exploits together on Halo: Reach but Chief found the split-screen awful so it could’ve been either.

“lol gay lololololol swag” He continued, just managing to catch a chance to use Arbiter’s words against him.

“Great. Another brilliant catchphrase from Chief.” Arbiter said as he signed into the game with his account.

With the trio’s eyes focused on the TV screen, they did not notice the fact that Twilight was looking up the very same pages that Arbiter himself had looked at earlier.

"Friendship is Magic..." she whispered to herself.

~~~

It was just another typical match in Battle Canyon.

The map was quite small in comparison to others in the game, which allowed for maximum carnage. Two steel bases stood opposite each other. One had red lights and the other had blue. Both were identical in structure and layout.

The artificial Sun shone over the map, brightening the playing field. In between the bases were big brown rocks dotted about on the grass. There was also a small river running through the map and over that, was a giant rock archway.

“Wassup faggots?!” yelled an orange SPARTAN. His gamertag was PwnersRUs. Pwners’ armor was large but certainly not in charge as it served no purpose other to make him think that he looked cool.

“Oh God not another one...” sighed a forest green colored SPARTAN. He had just exited the front door of the red base and had bumped into Pwners’ avatar.

“What did you say shithead?” Pwners stopped in front of the green soldier and stared right at him.

“You’re just another loud mouth aren’t you? Please do us the service of shutting up and letting others enjoy the game in peace.”

“Hmm...lemme think about that...” Pwners looked down. “Hmmm...Nah!” he then sprung forward and smacked the green with his pistol. The green SPARTAN’s shields flashed, a tell-tale sign he was ready for a finishing headshot, which Pwners gladly gave him.

The green’s body fell to the ground, blood pouring out of the helmet for a split-second. Pwners then stood over the corpse and repeatedly moved himself up and down, performing the classic teabag.

“Eugh, such an asshole...” The green muttered. He soon respawned and went over to Pwners.

“Oh, so you want round two now douchebag?” Pwners challenged.

“Do we have a problem here, gentlemen?” TheEliteVindicator walked up to the two players.

“Yeah, this guy is being a loudmouth.” The green muttered.

Pwners spun around, looking up. “Aaaaaaaaaaw yeeeeeeeeah and proud of it!” he proclaimed loudly.

“I’ll have to ask you to please be quiet.” Vindicator said calmly but there was a hint of sternness in his voice.

“Fuck you I’m not shutting up for no one!” Pwners replied.

“Are you sure? Last chance.”

“Damn right I’m sure!” Pwners exclaimed. “Last chance for wha—“he was cut off by Vindicator’s sword slicing into him, killing his avatar instantly.

“Oh you’re so dead motherfucker!” Pwners shouted.

“Going to need some assistance here. Some troll doesn’t quite get the message.”  Vindicator said to seemingly no one.

“Who are you talking to?” the green asked.

Vindicator ignored him and ran into the red base. Up on the rocky archway, another Sangheili avatar had appeared. He was colored purple and whilst his armor did look impressive, it wasn’t as grand as Vindicator’s. Unlike Vindicator though, he had a helm that covered his entire face, with two glowing eyes for the avatar to presumably look through. He had a sniper in his hands as he surveyed the map.

Vindicator walked slowly in the red structure. The inside was certainly uninviting. Almost all the building was just a series of narrow corridors.

He turned a corner and saw his prey. Pwners quickly fired his pistol repeatedly in vain but he could not disable Vindicator’s shields in time. The Sangheili once again thrusted his energy sword into Pwners’ armor.

“Ok! Those times you got lucky but now I’m gonna bring the pain!” Pwners said arrogantly.

Both the Sangheili on the map snickered lightly. The sniper turned around and found his target. With a quick scope in to get accuracy, he pulled the trigger. A bullet burst forth from the barrel of the weapon and flew straight into Pwners’ helmet. His body hit the ground before the smoke trail from the bullet could disappear.  Pwners had barely just exited the blue base where he had spawned from.

“You guys are really pissing me off now...” Pwners said angrily.

“You mean we weren’t before?” The sniper scoffed.

Again and again, Pwners tried to defeat the two Sangheili and every attempt resulted in his own death. The scene soon looked a maimed animal who desperately sought death to end its suffering. Eventually he stopped his offensive and tried to hide.

Vindicator and his teammate kept slaughtering him without mercy.

“Ok ok I’m sorry! Just please stop griefing me!” he wailed, his voice breaking. He was knelt down in a corner of blue base. Vindicator stood dominantly above him, his sword prime for the kill.

“Looks like you have learnt your lesson, yes?” Vindicator interrogated.

“Yes! Yes! Now Please! Leave me alone!” the distressed player pleaded.

“I am afraid we cannot do that.”

“Wh-what?”

“You see, people like you often do not get the message. If we had just left you to your own devices, you would have tormented people again with your trolling. My group will continue to monitor your activities. If we see you trolling again well...I think you know the rest.” Vindicator explained.

“Who are you...?”

“We are the Anti Trolling Alliance. And I am TheEliteVindicator.” he stated bluntly before finishing Pwners off once more with his weapon.

In all the hunting they had carried out, the two anti trollers had failed to notice the fact that Kevin had observed all of their actions.