Toying Around

“So er...I’m Twilight Sparkle. Who are you?” The pony said, peering at the toys and spider in front of her.

“wtf is a gay pony d0ing here?! this is horseshit, litreal horseshit”

Arbiter turned to Chief. “Yes, she is made entirely of her own shit.” He sighed and looked at Twilight. “I must apologize for his behaviour. His brain is as thick as his armor. I’m the Arbiter and this is Greg.” He pointed at the spider.

Greg began to scribble onto a post-it note.

Hi there :) Nice to meet ya

Twilight couldn’t help but wince at the sight of the spider’s loathsome appearance.

“and im teh Mast3r Cheef and i r teh best no cont3st” Chief began to flex his plastic arms and make a variety of poses, designed to show off.

“He’s the best at pissing everyone off, so try your best to ignore him.”

“stfu split-lip dont u start turnin peeps against me”

“Oh don’t worry; you already made a big impression on me with your knife.” Twilight said.

“oh i can c were this is going every1 hate teh Cheef 4 no reason” He began to walk away from the trio. “see ya asswholes ill be on teh Xbawx”

“No surprise there.”

“Xbawx?” Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“Xbox actually. It’s a gaming console that Chief plays practically all day.”

Twilight kept her eyes on Arbiter nodding and slowly shuffling away from Greg.

“I was afraid of him too but he’s a nice guy. Give him a chance.”

Twilight slowly turned his head to look at Greg. He started to write once more in response.

I hope we can be friends :D

“See?”

“You seem nicer than that Chief so I guess we can be friends.” Twilight gave Greg a smile, although it was slightly forced.

“How was the journey?”

“Journey?” Twilight seemed genuinely mystified. “What journey?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just woke up in that box. I don’t recall any details of what happened before I was inside.”

Arbiter and Greg exchanged a quick glance.

“Well anyway, it’s late. I suppose you’ll want a place to sleep and luckily the bed I rest in is huge.” Arbiter looked at Greg. “Goodnight Greg, sleep well.”

Nighty you two. And welcome, Twilight, it’s good to meet you :3

"You too Greg!" Twilight waved at the the arachnid as he started to crawl his way to his hidden, webbed domain to resume his slumber.

“Follow me, Twilight.” Arbiter began walking back to the giant bed, with Twilight following close behind. The lights hadn’t been switched off yet; clearly Greg was waiting for the pair to get settled.

“So how much do you know?”

“About what?” Twilight mused.

“Everything.”

“I know that I am a toy and the fact that this world is dominated by humans.” Twilight stated it like fact, without any emotion behind it.

“That saves a lot of explaining then.”

Before long, the two had arrived at the bed. Arbiter began using the bed sheets to climb himself up. Twilight quickly followed suit but found it to be a very hard exercise. By the time she had gotten up, she was visibly worn out.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah...just fine...give me a moment to recuperate.” The unicorn said through heavy breaths.

“You’re panting.”

“Uh-huh...don’t you?”

“No.”

Twilight sat on her flank and began to slow her breathing to a normal rate. Arbiter peered at her hooves, baffled.

“How did you even get up with hooves?”

Twilight looked at her forehooves and then at the Arbiter before explaining. “I just did.”

“I guess I should stop questioning ourselves. All logic fucked off the moment we were sentient."

Once Twilight had fully recovered, Arbiter led her to his sleeping area on the bed. It was on the right side, closest to the way they had gotten up so it was a very short walk there. However, cushions had obscured it from view somewhat. The amount of folds and creases in the area was evidence enough to Twilight that this was the Arbiter’s spot.

The pathetic journey took longer than expected, as Twilight was having difficult traversing the mattress. So lost her balance as her hooves sunk into the bed.

“There’s plenty of space. So go ahead and pick a place.”

Twilight giggled lightly.

“What?”

“You rhymed, that’s all.”

Arbiter paused for a moment. “Oh yeah, so I did. Haha.” He then looked down, becoming silent for a moment. “It’s a shame you arrived in this apartment.”

“What do you mean?”

“Most of the time, you can cut the tension with a knife. Chief is an absolutely toxic being, as you might have noticed already. Greg’s the nicest one here and he is cursed with a monstrous appearance.”

Twilight shifted about uncomfortably. Her slight movements were enough to warp the mattress to the extent where Arbiter could notice.

“I’m sorry. That’s my main fault: I’m too blunt. Too cynical. Anyway, I need sleep.” He began to settle down into position, ready to continue his sleep.

“Okay Arbiter. Goodnight.” Twilight said, making her way to the far left of the bed.

“Night Twilight.”

“You did it again.” She smirked.

“So I did.”

Twilight slowly lay down on the bed, sinking slightly into the mattress. It was very comfortable, unlike the packaging she woke up in.

The moment Twilight settled down, the lights went out.

~~~

“Hello?! Anypony there?!” Twilight screamed. She was trapped in pitch darkness and could barely move.

Something was surrounding her, encasing her like a caterpillar in a cocoon. Only she wasn’t peacefully resting.

“Please?! Someone, anyone, help! I’m trapped!” She lashed out wildly but only struck something cold and tough.

She had just awoken in this nightmarish place. Only it wasn’t like waking from a peaceful slumber. It was more like being brought back violently from death itself.

From the second she was conscious, information flooded her mind. It told her that she was meant to be an inanimate object and that this world was ruled by humans. Were they responsible for this madness?

She kicked madly once more. No luck. Then she realised she had a horn. Maybe if she attacked hard enough...

She head butted the walls of her prison. She tried again. And again. Each attempt was met by failure.

If she wasn’t panicking now, she definitely was at this point. She could feel her eyes beginning to water and she felt lukewarm tears drip down her cheeks.

But if she was a toy, how could she cry?

Questions without answers bombarded her mind. Where was she? Why was she going? Why was she alive?

She kept flailing at the barriers but nothing seemed to work.

“Please! I’m so scared, someone free me! I’m begging you!”

Twilight suddenly woke up and was breathing heavily. She shivered, attempting to calm herself down. It was unfortunate that she had to recall her first few moments of life in that manner.

She spread her limbs out, sighing with relief. She could move about again. Daylight was also trying to shine through the curtains of the bedroom window.

She looked to her side. Arbiter was lying there, asleep. He looked so lifeless in comparison to her. Why was that?

Maybe it was just the way they were both made. All toys were different after all.

She raised herself and crept past the Arbiter carefully. As she reached the edge of the bed, she stared down at the floor. She couldn’t make that jump without injury. Therefore, she slid down using the hanging bed sheets.

She opened the bedroom door (another struggle for her) and began to explore her surroundings. The television was on, flashing bright images and emitting strange sounds. It caught her eye and her curiosity so she trotted over to the chair and began the long climb up.

When she got up, she saw Chief sat with the Xbox controller on his lap, enjoying his favourite pastime. He was surrounded with bread crumbs and the leftover crust of toast lay to his left.

“So this is the Xbox.” Twilight had just climbed her way up onto the chair and was staring at the dauntingly big television screen.

“yeh” Chief said simply. He was far too focused on the current game he was taking part in.

“What game is this then?” Twilight asked.

“Halo reech”

“What’s the objective?”

“cant u c u dumb whore horse??”

“Alright alright, calm down. Sorry.” Twilight rolled her eyes.

After a period of silence from the pair, the game had ended. Chief’s team had lost embarrassingly; the enemy had more than double their score.

“WTF Y DOES BUNGIE ALWAYZ PEAR ME UP WITH R3TARDS??!!1!” He slammed a button on the controller, declining an offer to search for another match.

“You seem to be missing your shots a lot. Maybe if you-“

“THATS CUZ THEY HAVE HAXX SO THEY MOVE ARUND LIEK RETARDS SO I CANT HIT A GODDAMN THING!!!” He shook around violently.

“Well yes, that is part of the problem, it seems.” Twilight said.

Chief suddenly (and perhaps surprisingly) calmed down and began to stare at Twilight.

“...what?” She began to back off a little.

Suddenly, Chief leapt into action and tackled Twilight to the ground. Being almost eight inches tall, he easily overpowered the six inch pony. She landed onto her back and was too shocked to defend herself. The toy merely peered at her some more.

“wtf theres nothing there”

“Eh?” Twilight tilted her head and stared at herself.

“WHAT TEH FUCK IS THIS HORSESHIT TEH ONLY LADAY H3RE AND I CANT EVEN FUCK HER IF IM DESPERET!1!!1!!!”

Twilight snorted angrily and bucked Chief away with her hind legs. The force of the kick was enough to send Chief fly into the back of the chair.

“oooooooooow”

Twilight quickly got back up. “Are you psychotic or something?!” She yelled.

Chief rubbed his chest, which was where the kick had impacted. “lol don’t wurry i wuldnt fuck u ever ever ever ever”

“Chief, what did you do this time?” Arbiter had now arrived, standing next to Twilight.

“she kiked me reeeeally hard arbiter”

“Only because he tackled me!”

“It hasn’t even been twenty four hours yet since she arrived and already you’re trying to fuck the only woman in the apartment.”

“y r u taking her side arbiter??? dont u remember teh timez we shared arbiter? lol remember arbiter?”

Arbiter went quiet for a few moments, looking away, before finally speaking again. “Exactly. Now apologise.”

“...”

“Apologise.”

“...”

“Chief?”

“fuck no and fuck u both” Chief said, jumping off the chair and going to the bathroom.

“Sigh.”

“What is wrong with him?” Twilight asked, sounding disgusted.

“I don’t know Twilight. I don’t know.” Arbiter stared at the television screen, then looked at Twilight. “Do you want a go?”

“I’m content with watching, thanks. Hopefully you’re better at this than Chief.”

“I’m far superior to him.”

Meanwhile, Chief had locked himself in the bathroom. The floor was covered in small, square brown tiles and the walls were a plain white. A standard toilet was opposite the door and next to the toilet was a cabinet with a sink on top. To the far right of the room and toilet was the bath.

Chief was sat on the edge of the toilet, his legs dangling in the air. The whole room was quiet.

A small post-it note then slid under the door.

You okay?

“yeh now fuck off u ugly skank"

You sure? We can talk about it.

“lol no thanks dr.phil now piss off and eat a fly fuckface”

Fine.

“good”

No other notes passed through the door.

“greg?”

There was no response.

~~~

There was a calm, casual atmosphere in Sword Base. It was an asymmetrical map with several glass walkways and bridges forming a canopy above the floor. The outward walls of the two sides were both a metallic grey but the insides were mainly white. The main difference in color between them was the fact that one side had red ambient lighting and the other had blue.

On the ground were two, shallow pools of water. The smaller one had a golden, curved structure with a hole in the middle; barely passable for art. The other body of water held something a lot more interesting; an eye striking piece of alien tech that stuck out like a sore thumb. The circular base of it was purple and in the middle was a glowing blue energy that floated endlessly. This was a gravity lift, designed to launch users high into the air.

The lighting was bright, largely in part due to the huge window that loomed at one end of the wall of the space in between the sides. There was also small, white lights adorning the bases of the side walls.

Two SPARTANs were stood chatting to one another next to the gravity lift. One was colored red with purple adorning his lower legs and arms. The other was colored in solely dark grey but unlike the other, he had a clean silver vision on his helmet instead of the dull yellow standard one. The red soldier had grenades adorning his lower torso and had two big conical shaped shoulder pads, one of which had a large knife on. The grey SPARTAN had many pouches on his chest armor and big, cuboid knee pads.

“So us two were there, right, pinned against the wall with these two blue fuckers charging towards us.” Said the grey SPARTAN.

“Don’t be a dick and leave a dramatic pause. Get on with the story.” The red sighed.

“Fine fine. Anyway, so there we were. I thought my amazing kill streak was about to be ruined until this third blue bitch comes jumping towards us all.  He chucks a sticky and it lands on one of the other blues, who then runs into the other and blows up along with him!” The grey laughed smugly.

“Did you thank the final blue?” The red asked, somewhat sarcastically.

“Fuck no, dude. Took him down easily. I couldn’t tell if he was trolling or if he was just a fucktard.”

“Heh, probably the latter. I swear half the people who play this game play with their butt cheeks or something. ” The red snickered.

“They’d probably improve if they did that.”

“Hey guys.” Said a much younger sounding voice than the other two, who were deep and masculine. His armor was very basic in comparison to the others and it was coloured turquoise and green.

The red and grey turned to inspect the new player.

“How old are you?” The black asked, after a short moment of silence.

“Uh, thirteen. Why do you ask?” Answered the teen.

“Shit, they let any babies play these days.” The red turned to the black.

“You said it. Did you even read the age rating on the game cover you retard?”

“Well yeah but that’s only a guideline really.” The thirteen year old said.

“No it’s not. It’s to prevent immature shitheads like you from ruining the game.” The red said coldly.

“If you bothered to notice, I’ve been polite to you all the time we’ve talked.”

“Oh, I heard his voice tremble a bit there. I think he’s gonna cry.” The black scoffed.

“Then he’ll get his mom to scold us!” The red added, joining in with the laughter.

“Do we have a problem here, gentlemen?” An elite wearing the sangheili general armor approached the group. The armor was gold and certainly impressive. His helmet had two big crests reaching towards the sky and a big round horn protruded just above the alien’s face.

“Yeah we do. This kid is pissing us off. I swear, his kind shouldn’t be allowed to play.” Said the grey.

“’His kind’? That’s rather derogatory, don’t you think?” The elite remarked. His voice, like the harassing pair, was deep and masculine but he pronounced his words more clearly.

“Who invited the dictionary? Jesus, stop busting our balls.” The red groaned.

“Oh, I’ll do more than that if you keep on harassing the teen.”

“Yeah, like what?” The grey mused. The teenager stayed silent, merely looking on.

“Like this.” The elite quickly exchanged his plasma pistol for an energy sword. As its name implied, the blade in question wasn’t made out of steel but of pure energy that sparkled a fantastic blue. Two thin blades ran parallel to each other, getting thinner at the top. The hilt was very simple: merely a metal rod with grooves for where digits could grip onto and small holes on the side where the blade spawned from.

Before the pair could do anything, the elite immediately lunged forward and swiped his sword upward. The sword’s ethereal blade sliced into the red’s chest, blood flying out of it. His lifeless body fell to the floor.

“Oh crap.” Squeaked the grey. He quickly ran into the gravity lift, launching him into the air. He landed safely on the highest walkway. He then turned and headed towards the red side, entering a room. It was long and narrow, with the end leading to an open vent and balcony. Near the entrance was a staircase leading to a lower level.

Undeterred by this sudden action, the elite followed the soldier’s movements. Entering the room, he saw no visible sign of the enemy but his radar told him that he was below him, on the lower room.

He slowly walked down the stairs and jumped down off the side of them, turning in the air to meet his opponent.

The floor of this room was pale red and appeared to be tiled. In the center was a long white table with several holographic monitors.

The target was backed into a corner and presented easy pickings for the elite. The alien rushed up to him ruthlessly, ready to strike.

But the grey warrior had plans of his own. He had picked up a new weapon: a shotgun. He fired it at the elite and sidestepped the incoming strike. The elite’s armor flashed a bright blue, evidence of his energy shields vanishing; he was vulnerable.

The elite suddenly rolled to the side, just barely dodging another bullet. The grey fired another shot but again, the elite dived out of harm’s way.

Having enough of this, the target headed to the walkway that was to his left. If he was fast enough, he could place another ambush.

The elite followed, hot in pursuit. He managed to catch the enemy jumping off the side. He quickly lobbed a sticky grenade towards his mark.

Success.

The grey could hear the infamous hum that the grenade made before exploding.

“Ah crap.”  He wailed again.

The grenade detonated, instantly killing its host. The grey’s body dropped to the floor, right in front of the stunned turquoise player. The elite landed on top of the corpse shortly after.

Sure, the two bullies would respawn but a quick check on the score board showed that two players, B1tchhoard3r and Sexxyfuck1nbeast, had left the game. Clearly the elite’s combat prowess had proved an effective deterrent.

“Uh…thanks I guess.” The turquoise said, a little baffled at the situation.

“No problem. It’s what I do.” The elite responded.

“That’s the point of this game though, killing people.” The turquoise soldier joked, snickering.

“True. But what I meant was dealing with trolls.”

“TOSERS already does that though. I was one of them, actually.”

The Terms of Service Enforcement/Response Squad (TOSERS) was effectively a policing organisation for Halo: Reach. They dealt with those who ruined other’s online gaming experience, mainly by banning the offenders. There were five ranks in the organisation and those at the top were given special hacks designed to make them a formidable banning force. Despite this power, they generally used their power responsibly.

Unfortunately, they were not popular with everyone. Their strongest opposition came in the form of a clan of hackers known as Chaos Theosis. The group tormented TOSERS and also had the power to ban players. At their height of power, they were well on the way to banning every player on the network. Unlike TOSERS, their hacks also banned their victims from Xbox Live itself.

Thankfully, they were all vanquished and all those that they had banned had their bands lifted. Since that incident, TOSERS had been reformed and been made a smaller more streamlined organisation where only the best players could take part in. Their current influence though, was minor.

“TOSERS eh? Tell me, did you leave because you found them to be useless slackers?” The elite asked.

“No, they booted me. They needed reforming and I wasn’t a part of that plan. Still, that’s the way the cookie crumbles, eh?”

“Yes.” The elite paused. “What’s your name?”

“Kevin. Yours?”

Kevin was a good apple in a truck load of rotten ones. Most children his age were crudely offensive and had a massive amount of self-entitlement. Yet Kevin was proof that you shouldn’t judge someone by their age.

“Let me tell you something Kevin. TOSERS are useless. The only way to deal with a troll is to give them a taste of their medicine. Just like what I did now.” The elite sounded stern in his judgement.

“I’m not sure that’s a good rationale.”

“Believe me, it works. Now I must say farewell. Until next time, Kevin.”

Before Kevin could say goodbye, TheEliteVindicator had left the game.

~~~

The Arbiter stood on a wooden desk where a computer monitor, black keyboard and mouse were located. He had left Twilight to play a Firefight game on Halo: Reach. This was a mode that presented the player with waves of computer controlled enemies and was a good start for Twilight to learn the ropes.

Arbiter and Greg had watched Twilight play her first match and were impressed at her skills. She wasn’t perfect but she was certainly better than Chief. Arbiter put this down to the fact that she actually had intelligence and utilised it; she took cover, was patience whilst aiming and knew when to fall back from enemies. Of course, fighting against actual players was a whole different kettle of fish.

The toy was currently looking up My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic on the internet. He had heard of the brand before but never felt the need to look it up before.

He had discovered that Twilight Sparkle was the main character in the show and was joined by five other important protagonists. It didn’t really interest him, but he thought it may help to have some background information on the show.

What intrigued him the most was the fact that a large number of adult men watched the show: bronies.

“Either Jon’s a brony or Twilight was sent the wrong address.” He said to himself.

Arbiter looked to his right. There were a couple of tissues, just waiting to be used by the Chief.

“Scratch that, she was definitely sent to the wrong place.”

A sudden pop up on the monitor threw him off his train of thought.

Claire has come online.

In his reading of ponies, he had forgotten that he had signed onto Window’s messenger. He clicked on the tab and the service opened up, replacing the web page. He stared at Claire’s name. He could talk to her right now if he wanted to. He hadn’t done so in a while...

“I can’t.”

He closed the tab and resumed his search on ponies.

“Woohoo!” Twilight shouted from the chair.

Arbiter looked at the spider and pony then back at the computer screen. He exited the web program and switched off the monitor. He had decided he had done enough research; Twilight hadn’t mentioned the program so far anyway.

“I’m back.” He announced as he got onto the chair.

“Welcome back Arbiter.” Twilight said, eyes slightly narrowed. She looked deadly determined, which surprised the Arbiter slightly. If Chief could exhibit facial expressions, Arbiter was sure he’d wear the same frown that Twilight had.

It had only occurred to Arbiter now that Twilight was a far superior being to him and Chief. For one, she could make exceedingly detailed facial expressions for a toy. Her movements were also more fluid than the Arbiter’s or Chief’s. She would’ve looked like a being of flesh and bone were it not for her synthetic looking hair and her marshmallow like skin.

wb mate :)

“Thanks. How’s she doing Greg?”

Better than the Chief by far ;)

“Well that’s not very hard, to be fair.”

Twilight ignored Arbiter’s voice, far too in the zone. Her avatar (a female SPARTAN with basic, purple armor) was busy firing bullets into the heads of hapless aliens as they stumbled towards her.

“Despite the fact that I trained Chief, he’s still quite bad.”

“Aaaah!” Twilight screamed as her soldier got smacked aside by a Sangheili, instantly killing her. Luckily she still had six lives, out of ten.

“You still have a lot to learn.”

“Yes. And I will learn it!”

Arbiter and Greg exchanged looks. Even if Arbiter had just learnt that Twilight was very studious in the show, it still took him aback that a pony would even be playing a war game in the first place. That said, Chief wasn’t exactly the embodiment of the character he was meant to be.

Eventually, Twilight had completed the game and the screen now showed the menu.

“Well, that was quite enjoyable.” She commented. “I can see why you all play this Xbox so much.”

“Chief only plays Halo. But me and Greg get the chance to play other games from time to time.”

“Tell me, is it hard living with Chief?”

“It’s certainly a struggle.”

You said it lol

“Chief has his moments though.”

Twilight blinked. “He does?”

“Yeah.”

“I find that hard to believe based from what I have seen.” Twilight sighed.

“I don’t blame you.” Arbiter scanned the room. “Speaking of the devil, where is he?”

He’s locked himself in the bathroom : / says he’s fine though.

Arbiter shook his head softly. “I better talk to him then, before he does something stupid.” Arbiter then, slightly reluctantly, made his way to the bathroom.