(A)Nonsense

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. Twilight was enjoying her second cup of coffee, going over her list for the new week. A small yawn came from behind her. Spike had finally woken up, it seems. Setting her list down, she hopped off the chair to greet her number one assistant.

"Morning, sleepy-head," Twilight cooed as she nuzzled the semi-conscious dragon.

"Mmrrng," Spike mumbled, submitting to the strange pony ritual of rubbing faces together.

"I already made pancakes, so eat up when you're ready."

"Mkay." Spike crawled up into his own chair and plopped his head onto the table, already falling back asleep.

Twilight quietly sighed to herself with a smile. That silly dragon loved to sleep in. Perhaps she should let him. He's earned it.

knock knock knock

Twilight glanced at the clock in the kitchen. Seven-fifteen. That's strange. The library was closed on Sundays, and her friends never visit this early. Curious about the visitor's identity, she quickly trotted to the front door.

When she opened the door, she found herself face-to-crotch with one of them. A human. They've been popping into Equestria fairly often over the past few years. They always have the same name and the same general purpose.

"Ugh. Anon, why couldn't you bother Pinkie or Fluttershy? I'm not in the mood to deal with you right now." It's safe to say Twilight's happy morning was now ruined.

"Wait, what? How do you know my-"

"Shut it. Just tell me which one you're here for so I can give you directions and get back to doing nothing."

"Which... what? I don't understand."

Twilight tried to keep her irritation in check. "Sex. Which pony are you here to fuck? I'll point you in the right direction and you can leave me alone."

"Oh, um... I'm actually here for everyone."

Fantastic. He's one of those Anons.

"Ugh, fine. Let's get this over with," Twilight grumbled as she turned around, spread her back legs, and raised her tail. "Don't bother with foreplay, just stick it in."

"I was kind of hoping for a bit of romance before we-"

"Not. In. The. Mood," the purple unicorn growled over her shoulder. The sooner he could fuck her, the sooner he could fuck off. The rest of the ponies in Equestria might be fine with the impromptu harems every few weeks, but Twilight has gotten sick of it. She could barely tolerate the Anons that came specifically for her. There were a lot of them and they arrived often, usually with some obscure fetish she had to deal with.

"Fine, geez," the Anon mumbled before dropping his pants. He was already hard, because of-fucking-course he was. He wasted no more of Twilight's precious time and finally inserted penis into pony.

"Ahh, that's good. Yep. Oh, Celestia. Golly gee. I love your fat, monkey dick," Twilight droned in monotone.

Like most Anons, he came fairly quickly. Releasing herself with a slurping sound, Twilight stood up straight again and turned to face the newly-crowned horsefucker.

"Now leave." She tried slamming the door, but Anon jammed his foot against it.

"Aren't you going to tell me I need to work on my stamina? Maybe offer to help me practice?" She could hear the hopeful tone in his voice and it filled her with disgust.

"No." The grumpy librarian succeeded in slamming the door this time. Hard.

knock knock knock

"I swear to Slaanesh, I will rip your balls off," Twilight whispered to herself. She counted down from ten to calm her nerves. She opened the abused door to reveal the awkwardly grinning human.

"What." If he asks for a blowjob, I'm using my teeth. All of them.

Anon shuffled his feet, refusing to make eye contact. "I was just thinking... You know, since I'm already here... I might as well get Spike, too."

Twilight just looked at him, completely devoid of emotion.

Anon started to sweat under the intense stare, clearly expecting things to be much easier than they were. "A-actually, I'll just come back later, okay?"

Twilight snorted and slowly shut the door, not blinking until it closed all the way. She turned around and trotted back to the kitchen, dripping semen along the way. Spike was fully awake now, reading a letter that he probably just recently barfed up. He looked up when Twilight sat down heavily in her chair with a wet smack.

"Another Anon?" he timidly asked.

"Yes. If I have to deal with any more of them, I'm going to kill everything."

Spike grimaced and held the letter out to her. Taking it in her magic, she recognized Princess Celestia's flowing script. There were six shiny golden tickets for the next train to Caterlot attached with a small clip. She took those and placed them next to her now-cold cup of coffee. The message was short and concise: an Anon was in Canterlot and wanted to fuck the Princesses and the Elements of Harmony, one after another.

The paper burst into purple flames, the ashes falling onto Spike's pancakes. "Aw, man."

Ignoring him, Twilight and stood up and made her way upstairs. Her body moved automatically, numbly tossing essentials into a saddlebag. When it was completely full, she walked back downstairs and headed straight past Spike, who was still mourning the loss of his breakfast.

Stopping at the door, she glanced longingly at the glass case sitting on the front desk. Inside of it rested the Alicorn Amulet—an artifact that could easily give Twilight enough power to kill every Anon in Equestria. She might even be able to get away with it.

"...Maybe one day," she sighed, leaving to gather her friends. At least she wouldn't have to deal with this shit by herself.