I am nothing more than an enigma.
I am a shadow cast by a shadow.
I am a loyal dog, beaten into submission, acting mindlessly because my life depends on it.
I follow orders; nothing more, nothing less.
I have no opinion or choice.
And I sound a little too dramatic…
_-_-_
Let me start at the very beginning.
I was born…
…to a mother and father who were both unicorns, as am I…
…with a grey coat and mane, orange eyes and highlights that stand out against the grey…
…to a mother who named me Cinder, but has never called me by that name…
…into Ponyville, a town that would remain my home until I was ten…
…into a world where everyone is fooled into believing in peace.
When I was a filly of ten, I got my cutie mark. I discovered my talent while playing a game of hide and seek with my friends. The first few games I stood behind a tree, and was easily concealed into the shadows. By the third game, and me winning both the others, I decided to test my ability. I stood in the middle of an open space between trees yet still in the shadow of them. My friends moved all around me, but never noticed me.
When I moved out of the shadow, they didn’t notice. Then I snuck up on them and screamed, scaring them all. After another day of testing my skill, I came to know it as my special talent and received a cutie mark of a black dagger.
Most families will celebrate when a foal gets their mark, but mine did not. They asked me what it meant, and when I told them, my father got a sly look in his eye. He was once part of Cilestia’s guards, and knew things that most ponies didn’t, and had the connections to make things happen.
My parents were never kind and caring. We never had any money, and it was no surprise that they abandoned me for food. Some could consider it an act of love… giving me a better life, being raised by a princess, but I would have been happier if I had been ignored.
I was sold to Celestia because of my abilities… and then I went through hell…
_-_-_
Not everything can be done with diplomacy, and someone has to get their hands dirty. Unfortunately that person is me.
For the next four years after being sold to Celestia, I was trained in the art of killing. Deception, stealth, and combat came naturally, and I was never forced to train. I was treated well if I did what I was told, so I followed orders.
In four years, I was a master of assassination, and at fourteen, I had finally realized what my talent could do. With my morals in place, I refused to ever train again, and with my refusal came a world of pain that I had never needed to experience.
I refused, and was given three strikes. After those strikes, I was tortured. I bled my life away, brought close to death, pulled back. I died several times, was rehabilitated by Celestia, and tortured again. When I broke, the torture continued until I agreed to a curse that would keep me from ever disobeying Celestia. This was a strange curse, the pony being cursed must agree to it, but then it can never be removed and has no repercussions to the caster. It also causes the bearer to never age past the time it is cast.
I hate Celestia for this curse and for using me to do her dirty work.
_-_-_
I am trapped in this place, any command that is given, I am forced to complete. My friends and family are gone, and I am alone, broken, and left to my guilt. I was given the order to never kill myself or commit murder without the princess’s permission, so I am stuck here.
I am dead inside; I am a mean, cruel, sarcastic pony; mechanisms I have enabled to deal with the guilt of killing. At fifteen, after the curse was placed, I began ‘working’ and have been ‘working’ for two years. After the first year, I killed twenty three. When Luna came back, I received a little more work. I killed forty last year.
Celestia has been… I don’t have a word for it. Evil, kind, cruel, honest, brutal, motherly, and every other thing a pony can be. She has a switch she flips and she can change personality. Most of the time she acts kind, but sometimes she will beat me for no reason, much like an abusive parent. She does whatever she wants to.
The law? She is the law… I am her plaything.
My life isn’t all bad. My life in the castle is wonderful. The only pony with any power over me is Celestia, and everypony else lives in fear of me, except for Lily; without Lily, I really would go insane.
I could have anything I want, but I don’t take advantage of it. I view myself as only a member of the military, known as Shadow, short for Shadow Dagger. My real name is never used, not since I received my curse… the code name sounds stupid in my opinion.
I am Celestia’s most trusted guard, and am by her side most of the time, seen or unseen. I am her’s, to be ordered around, and I have no say in the actions directed of me. The only one who can order me is Celestia though, so it is not as bad as it could be.
I hate myself and my life. I have no control. It is a terrible life that no pony should have…
Guilt.
When you see an intelligent being’s life fade, because of you, there is no getting it out of your head, for as long as you live, no matter how hard you try. You will never forget those you have killed.
_-_-_
But that is enough feeling sorry for myself. I will continue to kill, because I have to, hoping to wake from this nightmare.
Bang! Bang! “Shadow, Celestia would see you!” comes from the other side of the door.
Laying in bed, I think about how I can never seem to get enough sleep. Woken by a guard who has no purpose in this world because I do all the work, I open my eyes. I have a huge bed, and lay on one side of it. On the other side is laying a white and pink female pony.
“Shit” I sigh. I forgot she was here. If I am Celestia’s plaything, this white and pink pony, named Lily, is mine.
She is the only thing I have for myself. She is a servant in the palace, and we have … a relationship. Celestia can’t know that part. She just thinks of her as my plaything. I sometimes wonder if she isn’t just that.
Pretending she isn’t there, I jump out of bed and trot to the door. I pull it open, and the hall is empty outside. I leave for the throne room. “I hope she’s in a good mood,” I mumble to myself.
_-_-_
When I get to the throne room, Celestia says “out of sight!”
With that I fade from view, with Celestia staring at where I was standing, I move around the room to just behind the throne.
Just as I make it there, the doors open and a violet unicorn with pink highlights, named Twilight, walks through them. Celestia treats her much better than she treats me. I wish I had her life… but I don’t wish my life on her.
Moving across the room to stand next to her teacher, Celestia smiles to her, and she smiles back. I roll my eyes…
The doors that had closed behind her, open again and now a large green stallion enters with a few armored ponies following who were obviously mercenaries. He moves across the throne room, then bows to the princess when he reaches the stage.
“What is wrong Commander Greenhorn?” asks the imposing princess.
Continuing in a bent position, “Your Majesty, I wish for Miss. Twilight Sparkle to be reprimanded for the destruction of my personal property, and also the injury of my family.”
“What has Twilight done?” I roll my eyes again; she had received that report a day ago.
“Because of some experiment, she has destroyed my house, and hurt my son and daughter!” says the Commander accusingly.
“I shall pay damages. I will also heal your foals. Does that seem compensation enough?” says Celestia in a calm, condescending, and uncaring voice.
“NO! I WISH HER BANISHED! She deserves nothing more than to be SENT AWAY, so to never cause any damage EVER AGAIN!” yells the green pony, anger flashing in his eyes. “You could never replace the history!”
“You shall remain calm in my court, Commander. I will do what I see fit, and there is no reason to banish Twilight. She is doing important research, and must continue reporting to me about it!” responds the queen, minor worry in her voice.
“CALM! My CHILDREN were hurt. How can I be CALM. Attempted murder and you are letting her go free?” He is all out yelling at Celestia, and also taking a few steps toward her.
Celestia sits on the floor next to Twilight on the stage. “Please calm down Commander Greenhorn, you’re over reacting.”
“NEVER! You put your student before the good of Equestria and its citizens. She almost killed my children, and you want to let it go unpunished! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!”
He takes another step forward. Celestia picks a hoof up off the floor then slams it down, signaling me. Crap, I think to myself. Intimidation.
In an instant I move out from behind the throne, make it around to the back of the green pony, avoiding the ponies surrounding him, and cut his tale off. I remain in the shadows and unnoticed using my magic and talent. I make it back to my hiding place before anyone even noticed I was there.
Then suddenly there is a green tale falling through the air.
The commander notices the weight difference, and looks back to where his tale was...
His eyes become large with shock, and then shock turns to extreme anger. “HOW DID-”
“THAT WAS A WARNING” booms Celestia, in the royal voice Luna is known to use. “COME NO CLOSER!”
“I SHALL DO WHAT I WANT, AS LONG AS YOU CAN.” he takes a step forward, as his companions raise their spears using magic. They look afraid and weary. I face hoof.
“Unfortunately for you this is MY KINGDOM.” Celestia lifts both hooves and slams them to the floor.
Two hooves means immobilization and imprisonment. Death if absolutely necessary. I sigh as I quickly move out from behind the throne, and put the two closest guards unconscious in a matter of seconds by using magic. I move to intercept the last guard and using my hoof to hit him in the head, because I have used too much magic. I hear Cilestia yell for the guards, meaning it has been almost five seconds since her hooves touched the floor. I move behind the Commander, and put him unconscious using my hoof as well.
After putting everypony unconscious, I remain invisible, standing next to the Commander. Making sure they don't escape, and also admiring my own handy work. Mostly I wanted to see Twilights face as...
Thump, thump, thump, thump... all four ponies fall to the floor in the order I hit them.
Its all I can do to keep from laughing as it registers to Twilight what had just happened. Her face is an expression of horror, and fear. She looks up to her princess, and back to the bodies. The guards enter and pick up the motionless bodies as I move back to behind the throne.
“Haul them to the border of Equestria. Stay there until they wake, then tell them they are all banished for treason.” the lead guard bows to her and leaves, following the other guards carrying the bodies.
“Princess, wh- what just ha- happened to them? They suddenly collapsed after you stomped your hoof.” Twilight asks, looking at her mentor, confused and slightly fearful.
However her princess is not paying attention. “I fear there will be repercussions for this, I will be safe... but Twilight will not be... she needs protection, they will go after her to get to me. No choice, I have to send protection with her... should I sacrifice my own? I have many guards, I will be fine, plus I'm an alicorn, and I only have her to do the dirty work. Okay, this should work...” mumbles Celestia to herself thinking no one can hear. Now to the whole room, “Show yourself Shadow!”
I release the spell. I become visible a few feet away from the stage. I am sitting on my haunches, looking at the princess with disgust. “What an angry bunch, although I'm glad they weren't too problematic. Getting up this early makes me tired... who knows if I could have handled them if they had been more of a challenge,” I say sarcastically.
“How late do you want to sleep, your highness, it's already afternoon,” Cilestia responds, disgusted.
“I had to leave Lily!” I say with an attitude.
“Oh, you don't like her like that, and she doesn't like you either. She is just a distraction to you!” Celestia responds with the look of disgust even more prominent.
“Exactly! And let me ask, WHY do I need a distraction?” I yell at her. Ready for the beating that is going to come after this.
“Ummm... sorry...uh... hello?” Twilight interrupts our argument.
Celestia looks a little surprised by the new voice in their conversation, and looks to Twilight. She smiles at her and looks back to me. “This, Twilight, is my... best military artist, Shadow Dagger. She will be protecting you for a while. I fear this fight with the ex- Commander will have repercussions, and they may use you to get to me.”
“So I will be staying here? With you?” Twilight asks, a look of apprehension on her face.
“No, Twilight. I can't ask you to uproot your life. You can remain in Ponyville,” favoritism... wait...my parents!
“Wait! I can't go there. I was born there. I don't want to meet up with my parents!” I say honestly. “I don't need to ever see them again after they abandoned me.”
“Don't worry, they moved just after they were paid. And you are going! That is an order!” she explains.
“Yes ma'am.” I say. “Can I bring Lily with me?”
“No! Of coarse not! You will be keeping to the shadows. Now, leave us and get ready to go to Ponyville, and you will be riding with Twilight in a carriage which leaves in an hour,” Celestia says with a dismissive glance.
“Okay, fine. I will be ready. And I will be happy to get away from you!” I yell as I leave the room. That was not a joke either.
I walk through the door, and leave the throne room without another word. That could be seen as disrespectful but I don't care I have things to pack.
_-_-_
I enter my room to find a sleeping Lily in my bed.
I push her out...then laugh as she jumps back up trying to figure out what had happened.
“Oh, sorry... ummm, whats up?” she asks.
“It's past noon.”
“SHIT! This is what you do! We have sex, and then I'm late for work the next day. I can't figure out if I like you or hate you! Celestia! I'll be lucky if they don't fire my flank!” she yells. I have to love the way she talks. She is the only one who doesn't fear me enough to speak her mind.
“Oh, calm down. They won’t fire you for fear of pissing me off; I won’t stop them, but they don't know that. Last night won’t happen again for a little while, anyway. I have to go and babysit Twilight in Ponyville,” I respond with a disgusted tone.
“Well that sucks, I might just miss you. What with your yelling at me, drinking, then molesting me...” Lily responds as she makes my bed and cleans up the room. I walk around collecting weapons that I carelessly throw about.
“Oh, you enjoy the last part... I think… I'm usually drunk by then.” I say as I close a saddlebag that is now filled with weapons of all kinds.
“Ppffftt, like I'm sober. But thats not the point... I-I...screw it!”
She throws down the trash she was collecting. She runs to me and tackles me to the floor. She begins kissing me furiously. I push her off of me and get up off the floor.
“I can't come with you?”
“No.”
“I'll miss you,” she says quieter now.
“Me too,” I say in the same tone.
“I love you...” she says in a whisper. We were almost touching lips again.
“Me too...” we kiss.
I break it, put on my bag and walk out the door.
The only secret I have. Celestia would use her if she new, and that’s why we hide it. The love... not the relationship. I just don't want her in danger. She knows to keep it a secret, and I hope she does. I can't protect her while I am gone.
I turn around at the door, “be good” is all I say, before I fade into the shadows.