You the AN to the ON are strolling down a red carpet adding some spins and throwing spiderman 3 finger guns like weaponized sex appeal. Mares swooned to your left and right. Stallions popped full on boners when you gave them a cool nod. Children weren’t allowed within a block of you. Not because you were a predator, as far as the ponies knew, but because your mere presence was rated twenty one and above by the pony communication commission. You were walking sex and you loved it.

You made your way down the carpet after a few pictures in your classy jinco jeans and affliction long sleeve shirt. In big bold letters surrounded by thorny rose vines and black angels wings were the words ‘MARE LOVE’. When you reached the door at the end of the carpet you turned and threw you middle fingers up in the air and the crowd lost its mind and started chanting, “fifteen! Fifteen! Fifteen!” You moon walked backwards through the doors, the ponies outside still barely audible.

Walking down the halls you found the dressing room with a big green star and headed in, taking a seat in plush white hair salon chair you gazed at your sexy ass self. God you loved you, but not as much as these ponies loved you. Popping your neck you let a content sigh leave your lips as two sexy ass neighsian mares walked in shutting the doors behind themselves. One had blue with a pink mane and the other the opposite. The Blue one cleared her throat and addressed you. “Hello Mr. Mare Love, we’re here to get you ready for the show.”

You smiled at her and caressed her chin. “Excellent,” you glanced at the pink one, “Sisters?”

The pink one smiled back with a blush and replied, “Twins.”

“Most Righteous.”

Just over fifteen minutes later you C walked out of the room, the scent of thoroughly satisfied mares and your Gucci for Stalions cologne wafting behind you like sirens song as you walked up to the backstage curtains to wait for your que. You listened as Late Night chatted up Ra Ra, talking about her new single and the clothes she was wearing. He started to ask her about her love life, “So Colatura, there’s been murmurs that you’ve found a new stallion.”

She laughed into a hoof with a light blush and nodded as he proceeded with the questions. “Any chance you’ll tell us who?”

A playful glint came to her eyes as she made a show of pretending to think about it. “Well I could tell you, but he’s going to be here in just a moment I believe. Why don't you ask him?”

The crowd let out an scandalous oooohhhhhhhhh while Late Night made an amusing shocked face that reminded you of Chris Pratt. “Well why don't we invite him up here then!”

You walked out on stage with a wave, a mare passed out in the front row as the crowd went nuts. You sat down between the two of them and Late Night spent a few minutes getting the audience to calm down. “So Mare Love, can I call you Anon?”

“You know you can LN,” You replied cooly.

“So are you and Colatura an item now?” he asked while setting his front hooves on his desk.

“You could say that,” you replied as you winked to her, “It’s amazing what a night in Prance can do; isn’t that right RaRa?”

She giggled into her hoof again before you pulled her closer to you and wrapped an arm around her neck, resting it on her back as she sat on her hooves next to you on the couch.

Late Night continued with his questions, asking you about the latest gossip, some predecided funny stories to share before coming to your career, “So Anon, where does it come from; the inspiration for your songs and acting.”

You weren’t going to tell him the truth of course, the ponies would flip out if they knew it was all stolen from earth. Your music from Eminem and Coldplay, your acting from tons of famous actors back home all tweaked just enough to fit equestrian culture and not be too vulgar, just enough to shake the scene up a bit. So you hit him with the tried and true bullshit, you explained that it came from your childhood and life experiences and they all ate it up. When asked you explained that the fifteen chant came from how long you lasted in bed on average much to the shock of Late Night who thought it was only a rumor and it continued on from there as talk shows always do. The show was winding down so you leaned over and gave RaRa a little kiss to send them into a frenzy once more, but as you leaned back instead of RaRa, a tall dark alicorn sat in front of you with a disappointed and judging glare. “Really, Anon?”

You leaned back with a confused face while the crowd kept shouting fifteen as everything blurred and you started to wake up.

You came to with bright light in your eyes and pebbles in your back. Opening your eyes you saw Spike and a worried looking Scootaloo leaning over you. You stared at them and they stared back at you before she asked a question, “Anon why were you mumbling fifteen over and over again?”

Sitting up you cleared your throat and dodged the question, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You started to dust yourself off as you stood up and looked around. You were standing in the middle of the road in ponyville market, “What happened?”

“Scootaloo hit you with her scooter,” came Spikes reply.

Groaning you rubbed your face and walked over to the nearby fountain to splash some water on said face. “I think I’m going to head back to the library.”

Scootaloo ran over and jumped up on your legs like a small puppy. The flightless little bird horse looking up at you with big eyes, “I’m sorry Anon I didn’t mean to!”

You pet the little floof and give her a small smile, you were an ass but you found it hard to be mean to the foals. They were far too pure. “It’s cool scoots I just need to rest for a bit.”

She nods back and hops down to go collect her scooter and heads back off down the street, telling you she’ll see you later. Spike walks up to you and looks at you expectantly. Shrugging you walk off in the direction of the library and motion for him to follow you. A short walk later and you’re back home, you kick off your shoes and flop on the couch, purple boi sitting down next to you. You fish your phone out of your pocket and connect it to the magic projector twilight had set up. Shortly after arriving you found it still worked, well sort of. Apparently the ambient magic of the world charged it through the wireless charging in the back of it. A shady deal with Discord later and it was once again connected to the internet of your home, you of course tried to get help from the other side but everyone wrote you off as being a troll or a lunatic. Seeing as you had no close family members or friends to confide in you just gave up. But you did have fun sending a nasty reply back to your boss when he sent you an email demanding you come in to work or get fired.

You scrolled through some shows online and finally decided on some cartoon about kids fighting a supercomputer trying to take over the world; you didn’t want to traumatize spike with ninety percent of human media, at least not yet. You’d save it for a boring day. You whiled away a few hours watching the cartoon with an admittedly decent story and bomb soundtrack before falling asleep, this time thankfully with no weird interruptions to your dreams.

When you wake up spike is watching a Katt Williams special, you shrug and roll back over, it should be mostly harmless. That is until spike asks you what blueberry weed is and your cringe. Sitting up you pause the video. “Is it like poison joke?”

You shake your head, having had an unfortunate experience with that just recently. “No spike it’s just a flower that makes people happy when they eat it or burn it. Remember when I told Twilight about how I got here?”

The dragon looked at you with recognition. “Ohhhhh, that mary-wants-a stuff.”

“Yes spike the mary-wants-a stuff.”

“You never told me why it was illegal.”

“The government said it was dangerous because of politics or something.” You replied while getting up to get a glass of water.

“Why would they do that if it’s not dangerous?”

“Some power move or something.”

“So kind of like the the snobby ponies in Canterlot, the lords and stuff.”

“Yup, they were always doing shady stuff.”

“Were your royalty bad ponies?”

You sit back down and take a few sips. “We didn’t have a monarchy. We had a democracy, the people voted on who would lead.”

He looks back at you confused again. “But why would they vote for people who only wanted power?”

“That’s a complicated question little bro, see money was really what gave people power in our world and people with money were the ones who really got to decide who was elected. The short of it is that they could pay people to tell lies or ignore things and pretty much controlled everything that way. Starting wars over religion and resources was really common.”

“Oh I remember reading about old religions in one of Twilights books, what kind of religions did you have back home?”

Now you knew you had done it, you didn’t expect him to be so interested in that particular part. “Ok Spike, this conversation stays between us but since I’m actually kind of enjoying talking about all of this stuff I’ll explain.” You started to explain about the major religions and why they fought all the time to Spike, occasionally coming to a question you didn’t know the answer to. You explained to him about the wars in the middle east and how extremists would twist religion into something to start fights, but that most religious people were good people, you didn’t want him thinking humans were just violent, even if it was kind of true. You stayed as far away from judaism as you could, that can of worms was not getting opened on your watch.

After about an hour of discussions and a few surprisingly astute observations and debates with Spike about morals and duty the conversation winded down and eventually died with Spike’s final statement. “I don’t think I like your world.”

You busted up at that for a few minutes, the absolute absurdity of you explaining your worlds geopolitics to an underage dragon suddenly settled in your mind.

“That’s fair enough.”

He looked back over to you and he seemed nervous so you decided to ask him about it. “What’s up?”

He chewed on his cheek a bit and looked to the side before meeting your eyes, “wanna go buy some drugs?”

Author's Note

Did some proof reading, should be better now.