My Yellow Diary
Written By: Vessel
Categories: Tragedy, Sad, Dark
Rated: T (border-lining on M)
Summary: A joke gone horribly wrong. False accusations left and right within the majority. Three broken victims left in the aftermath. (Deconstruction Fic)
It is night time. I sit in front of a lake, keeping myself almost completely still as the chilly breeze caresses my face. It blows, billowing the strands of my mane and fur ever so slightly. I can feel my skin riddled with goosebumps, my body shivering constantly in an attempt to generate heat. The blades of the grass tickle my haunches, making the cold even worse than it was before. It doesn't help that I'm still somewhat soaked to the bone, the water clinging onto me even as it's slowly dripping down to the grass underneath me. I can barely even see the moon-lit sky under my matted bangs. I can hear the crickets chirping, their soundscape dominating everything else I could've heard at that time.
Do you have a good visual of that? Do you have all of that in your heads?
Good, because I'm about to tell you a story of how I got here.
It all started several months ago... I think. Or maybe it was years? Now that I think about it, time seems to fly by in moments like this. A few minutes can seem like hours. A few hours can seem like days. A few days can seem like months, and a few months can seem like years. It goes on and on and on without end. Though you may be young, it's as if your body has reached its natural limit. You can't bring yourself to lift a hoof, take one more step in any direction, and you're just wondering when you are finally going to collapse. It scares me to think that it only took a minute for me to lose my perception of time.
But in any case, it was a long while back, when Rainbow Dash and I were still pulling pranks on the folk of Ponyville. It was a deep contrast to what it is now. The day was bright, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky to be seen for miles. Though the heat was too much for most, it was never enough to keep us down. On the contrary, we were quite happy and jovial thanks to anticipation of our upcoming prank. Each day within the week, we selected one of our closest friends to be the victims of a really fun prank, including each other, of course. We were always careful around Fluttershy, knowing how scared she could get in the face of a particularly nasty surprise. This pattern would exist every other week in order for preparation and planning purposes.
The most recent victim we had was Applejack. The plan we had was perfect for the situation. See, she was going to have this big sale of Zap Apples the next day to everypony, and she had the stash hidden within that large barn of hers. Before you ask, no, we weren't going to steal them. We knew better than actually ruining the hard work of someone else just for fun. That would have been mean and inconsiderate. So, we settled on performing what we had done last week – painting the apples. This time, however, we were going to paint the multicolored Zap Apples red so that Applejack wouldn't tell the difference between them and her regular apples unless she washed them off in water. She as well as her customers would get a good laugh out of it.
We waited until the dead of night fell. We snuck into the barn with the designated red paint that I had bought and carefully worked on each individual apple. It was hard, considering every little spot had to be covered and the layer of paint was perfectly even. We also had to make sure we spilled as little paint as possible, as we didn't want to clean up too much. On top of that, we did get side-tracked by our own occasional chatter and laughter about what was going to happen. But we didn't care. It was all for fun, and fun could not be had if our prank was exposed too quickly. So we made sure to cover every base before we sneaked back out to our own homes, eagerly waiting tomorrow for the fruits of our labor.
All in good fun, right? Right.
So, we made sure to hide out somewhere early in the morning where Applejack would set up. I almost burst out in laughter at her grinning face as she helped place the stand with the rest of her family. She wasn't the only one, for just about all of them had varying expressions of amusement. Clearly, they knew what we had done, but chose to leave the apples the way they were for the sake of pranking the customers. Once the sub-victims started showing up, we had to leave since we didn't want any coincidental eye spotting us out. All the while, we couldn't get rid of the grins on our faces, knowing that they would be in for a surprise.
They, as well as us...
It was a few hours later. Five of us minus Applejack were in Twilight's library, with Rainbow Dash and I cheerily bragging about our shenanigans to the rest of the girls. All of them found it humorous, but Twilight and Fluttershy voiced some disapproval of the possibility of us messing around with the Apple Family's sales. We were quick to assure them that it wasn't the case, and it would be found out soon enough that the apples had been painted over. It was enough to soothe that disapproval as well as any nay-say that would've come otherwise.
That was when I experienced the most frightening thing in my life, and when everything began.
When Applejack nearly kicked the door off of its hinges, I was rendered speechless and shocked. But when she stormed in, my heart almost stopped beating at the look at she had directed to Rainbow Dash and I. It wasn't just the simple annoyance or anger that one would have after being subject to a prank they didn't like. No, her narrowed slits of eyes bore into me and my soul could have never been described as simple anger. The curl back of her lip and the baring of her teeth could not be described as simple irritation. The way that her presence seemed to make the temperature drop several degrees could not be described as simple disapproval of our harmless fun. It was a look that I thought could have never existed on the faces of anypony I knew, even if they were furious. At that moment, she looked like a manticore ready to pounce on a rival for daring to step one foot into its territory.
With a Southern accent full of snake venom and a tone that was on the borderline of murderous, she spoke three words to us.
“How could you?”
And I, frightened and naive, answered her.
“What are you talking about, Applejack?”
Had it not been for Rainbow Dash snapping out of her fright and moving quickly to restrain Applejack in that moment, my neck would have been snapped in two.
Applejack explained everything, unleashing both her anger and the ugly truth on all of us. It turned out that the paint that I had gotten wasn't the washable, non-toxic brand I usually bought. It was something that the Apple Family had also been tricked by. When the apple slices were consumed by the unlucky customers, the reports of them being poisoned spread very quickly. They had to be rushed with great haste to the hospital, and each of them were diagnosed with lead poisoning. One of them, a young colt, had died before he could even make it. In addition, the Apple Family was getting sued for invoking the health problems. All of the victims would die later on.
So, long story short, Rainbow Dash and I became mass murderers, and Applejack was the one suffering for it.
After a bunch of screaming and crying, everyone had come to an agreement. Twilight made Rainbow Dash and I promise that we would apologize to all the families for their losses. All of us knew that would never be enough to make up for what everypony lost. But what else could we have done? Somehow find a way to revive all of the ones lost? Even I know that such a thing was “black magic” and considered forbidden by Princess Celestia herself. Even if we could, I don't think it would've lessened their disappointment of our slip-up. It certainly did nothing to appease Applejack, who had forcefully dragged Rainbow Dash for a private talk somewhere else once. Of course, with what had happened with our introduction, it took a lot of convincing to the others to be alone with either one of us. At the same time, no one could blame her for flying off the handle in the state that she was. Thanks to our “harmless fun”, she was getting punished for what we did.
Once Rainbow Dash and Applejack had left, however, neither one of them returned to the library. When the four of us left Twilight's house, I could see a glimpse of Rainbow Dash as she flew away to her house. Even in the dark, I could see that she had never stopped to even look back at where we were. Applejack had not even come within her sight, and we could only guess that she went straight home before any of us could spot her. Either way, it showed that neither one of them would be willing to talk about it. Then again, with guilt placed up on my own shoulders, I don't think I was in the condition to be helping anypony, let alone those two. So I simply trudged on to my home, crawled into my bed, and slept with my nightmares.
Mr. and Ms. Cake never said a thing to me. The twins never paid attention to me.
Morning came all too quickly. It seemed as it would go like any other day. I get up, I make my bed, I clean myself up, and I eat breakfast. That was the usual schtick before I go on any particular trip out of my house, right? But I skipped breakfast and headed straight out of the house, ignoring my growling stomach in the process. I know, quite an unhealthy move on my part. But eating would mean sitting at the table, and sitting at the table would have to face Mr. and Ms. Cake. I couldn't bring myself to do that, not then. But even considering that, I can't help but wonder if it was the right thing to do.
As I walked on towards the stadium where I would make my big speech with Rainbow Dash, I noticed that there were far too many stares on me for comfort. When I looked back, I saw that everypony that had a visual sight of me were giving me nasty glares and harsh stares. There was an expression of every kind, ranging from fury and scorn to disappointment and sadness. But what hurt me the most was the heartbreaking looks that some of the fillies and colts gave me. Although each face varied in type, all of them asked one simple question.
How could you?
And I, saddened and miserable, answered them.
I don't know.
It seemed that they were not innocent enough to be able to hate.
What seemed like an eternity was actually a walk that lasted a minute or two. I reached the stage where a good amount of Ponyville's citizens resided. I did my best to sneak past them. After all, it was bad enough that I had drawn negative attention before I even got there, right? But still, even my efforts were somewhat wasted, as I could still spot a few glares and sneers in my direction. So the length of the walk was dragged on until I actually got to the backstage, where all five of my friends were waiting. Although it relieved my pain somewhat to see all of them, I was very happy to see one in particular.
I can still remember everything about it.
I lunged forward with a squeal of “Dashie!”, embracing her in a hug which was readily returned. When we both pulled away, we took good looks at once another. She looked worse for wear, with bangs underneath lightly bloodshot eyes and a slightly messed-up mane. However, she still wore a smile that told everypony that everything was alright. It was a pleasant sight to see at the time, and I found myself unable to pay attention to anything else.
“Hey, Pinks...” She said in a teasing tone, though the weariness in her voice kept the effect from being considerable enough. “You all right?”
I wanted to tell her that I was more than okay, now that I was with her and with all of my friends. I wanted to agree to her insistence that everything would be all right. But deep down inside, I felt as if that if I dared to speak those words, they would nothing but a lie. Don't get me wrong, I like to make people smile and laugh. I like to keep moods at ease. But lying to anypony would just make it more painful when they found out about it. I don't like lying to my friends under any circumstance. So I hung my head down and let out a heavy sigh.
“No...” I told her. “In fact, I don't think I ever will be...”
“Oh, come on...” She did her best to cheer me up, really she did. “That doesn't sound like the Element of Laughter to me.”
But it just didn't work.
I sat myself down on my haunches, raising one of my forelegs and covering my teary eyes. When I spoke, I could barely keep my own voice together due to the choked sobs threatening to come up. “I must be a really bad Element of Laughter if I can't make myself smile, huh?” I asked, trying to put on my best smile. But it must've come off bad, because it wiped Rainbow Dash's own weary smile right off of her face.
“Pinkie...”
“I'm a terrible pony, Dash!” I couldn't keep it together anymore, so I had let the tears flow freely from my eyes. “I'm the one who just snatched whatever paint can I could find without looking at it first! It's my fault those innocent ponies all got put in the hospital and that innocent colt died! I didn't mean to hurt anyone! I never meant to hurt anyone! But I did! I did!”
It was at that moment where I felt like a filly again. I had fallen down from running too fast, sprained an ankle, was reduced to crying in front of the ones closest to me. But when I really was a filly, my mother or father would rush to my aid. All I needed was a few days of rest and I was back up on my hooves again. But once again, the difference between that type of injury and this one reared its ugly head. This time, no one could hope to heal me, not even myself. Can you imagine what that's like, to feel so helpless in a time where everypony needs you the most?
“We both did.”
The somewhat stern tone Rainbow Dash took with me made me jerk my head up in surprise, but I ended up flinching slightly when I saw her level an equally stern glare at me. “Don't try and pin all of this on yourself.” She told me. “I'm the one who suggested we even do it in the first place, remember? This probably would've never happened if I kept my mouth shut. It's my fault just as much as it's yours!”
“But you aren't terrible ponies!”
It was Fluttershy's voice that made us look upon her with surprise. For a moment, she looked as if she was ready to bolt due to the intensity of our stares. But despite her meekness, she continued to speak and even approach us as she did so. “All you did was make a terrible decision.” She said softly, her eyes wavering. “You had no idea this was going to happen.”
Rarity was up next. “Yes, even though the burden of responsibility falls on you, we won't judge you as terrible.” She told us. “A bad pony would not even have the decency to be regretful about it. Besides...” She gave us an encouraging smile, one that got the message clearer to me than Rainbow Dash's had. “How could we ever call you terrible? You're our friends, and that's something that will never change even if we do.”
“...you girls just had to take the words right out of my mouth, didn't you?” Twilight complained, although smiling as she made her approach, as well. “I guess that leaves me with no alternative, then. Come here!”
With that being said, all five of us crowded together for a group hug, embracing each other as tightly as we could. With their touch, I suddenly found myself being able to breathe easier than before. The smile that appeared on my face was much more genuine, and my troubles were washed away within an instant. At that moment, nothing could take away the elation that they had given me.
Until I looked at Applejack.
There she was, standing away from the group. One of her hooves kept her hat low, the brim shielding her eyes and any expression that could've been made out otherwise. Her face was turned away, almost as if she was ashamed of something. The blanket of emotional warmth couldn't shield me from the cold, lonely aura she was exuding. But despite that, she didn't make one move to try and join us. At the same time, only I seemed to acknowledge her. Why weren't the others paying attention to it?
Unfortunately, I didn't have much time to think about it, as Mayor Mare had interrupted the moment with the notice that it was time for Rainbow Dash and I to step forward.
I could tell you about how extremely nervous I was. But of course, you probably knew that, didn't you? Who wouldn't be when about to face an angry crowd and apologize to said angry crowd? If you aren't, then I really have to give you credit. In fact, maybe you should've been the one to go instead of me – and that's not simply because I was suffering from severe stage fright. Sure, I had a fellow sufferer right beside me and ready to take the pressure if it lessened my own troubled mind. But emotional support can only provide so many barriers.
Which do nothing to prevent physical harm.
As soon as I stepped out from the curtains and onto the stage, something hard crashed into my head, and I instantly fell into the world of unconsciousness.
I don't know how long I had been out. I could barely feel anything, save for the cold wood of the stage itself. Brief trips back to the surface of unconsciousness had told me that the world around me was in chaos. My eyes saw ponies fighting and struggling against one another with punching, kicking, and head-butting in a display of unrestrained violence. My ears heard screaming, but my muffled mind wasn't enough to hear what any of them were actually saying. In one of those fleeting moments of sight, I saw that I had been dragged behind the podium so that I wouldn't become an easy target. When my mind finally got to a point to where it remained stable, I heard Twilight's voice ring out above me, calling for Applejack to help me. Seconds afterwards, my body was lifted onto the said pony's back. They raced off, through the chaos that was unfolding all around us and off to safety.
It seemed as if all six of us had been the target of aggression, from what I was told later. Out of the victims that had been rushed to the hospital, we had gotten the worst out of it. I had taken on a skull fracture thanks to the object that had knocked me out. Applejack had suffered a case of two black eyes and a fracture to her right hind leg. Twilight had her horn nearly chopped off thanks to one of the meaner ones. Fluttershy, thanks to her having not taken part in too much of the fighting, had gotten out with only scratches and slight bruises, nothing too serious. However, she was quite shaken up over what happened – not much of a surprise there. It was nothing compared to Rarity freaking out over her injury... which was nothing more than a lost tooth from being struck in the jaw. She was also freaking out over the fact that it was a stallion that hit her. Though, I can guess why. It'd pretty much be saying “You're ugly enough to get punched in the face”. And for somepony like Rarity, that would be a serious blow to self-esteem.
But Rainbow Dash...
She suffered a concussion, several broken ribs, a wing which had bones snapped and misaligned everywhere, and multiple bruises on her body. She had been beaten to the point of unconsciousness, and the depth she had gone under made it extremely difficult for anyone to bring her back to the surface. The good news out of it was that she would be able to recover to a “stable” extent. But the bad news was that her wing couldn't be reset back to the way it was. It would be a very long time before she ever flew across the skies again... if she would be able to fly at all.
But that wasn't what baffled me.
This was Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash, the pony that rivaled Applejack in terms of toughness and resilience. If anypony messed with her, she'd be able to beat them to a pulp right away. She should have came out of that scuffle, laughing and bragging like she always did. Yet, she had came out with the worst of injuries compared to the rest of us. How could she have allowed herself to get beaten so easily? How could she have made herself look so vulnerable to all of us? It was just something that Rainbow Dash would never be caught doing – looking weak when her friends needed her the most. So what happened?
Then it hit me. Maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe I didn't live up to my expectations as the Element of Laughter, after all. Maybe I was so caught up in my own problems, I just didn't have the time to help Rainbow Dash with hers. If I hadn't been so mopey all the time, she would have been fine. She would have kept her ability to fly, and she wouldn't have been so downhearted as she was. But instead, I abandoned her to pity myself. My selfishness had gotten in the way of our friendship... and now, it cost Rainbow Dash one of her most treasured gifts.
Fluttershy is such a liar.
We spent varying times in the hospital, from a day to several. Rarity and Fluttershy were the first ones out. Applejack, Twilight and I were next to go. However, Rainbow Dash stayed behind due to the extent of her injuries. We each made daily visits in the hopes that she would wake up from her slumber. But despite talking to her, reading her stories, and even shaking her a little from time to time, she didn't stir at all. This was a pattern that continued on for a week. The only one who had not come was Applejack, who had suddenly disappeared once again. Maybe she had already saw how futile our efforts were...
That is, until one day when it was my “turn” to visit. I was sitting by her bedside, a hoof on hers as I stared at her. She seemed to be so peaceful at the time, sleeping soundly while the rest of us worried over whether or not she would actually survive. For a moment, it seemed like she had regained her confidence and her strength, and in that careless moment I allowed myself to actually believe that things were going to be hunky-dory.
That was when she woke up, acknowledging me with a voice that shook me to my core.
“...Pinkie?”
And I, scared and shocked, answered her.
“...yes?”
Had it not been for where we were, it would've actually been funny.
After getting over ourselves, we talked for a brief while. All that time, I was fighting myself to keep from hugging her and accidentally making her bandaged wounds worse. I mean, who wouldn't be extremely happy when seeing their friend wake up from a coma? Who could easily hold themselves back in that situation? But, there were two things that kept me from doing it. One was the fact that she still looked and sounded so weak. I was afraid that if I hugged her, I would've broken her in two. Despite the smile on her face, she conveyed the same weariness that she had given us at that stage. It confirmed my fears – my and our efforts to make her smile had failed.
Another was when I told her about her condition.
You wouldn't believe it with your own eyes, even if you saw it. At first, she was a bit alarmed but certain that I was doing nothing but joking around with her. But when I kept quiet, she started slowly freaking out. Soon, her insisting became pleading and begging, and her nonchalant tone had changed to one of desperation. My heart was breaking, and I was tempted to just leave the room simply because I was unable to console her. The weight of our emotions crashed down when she finally stopped. But in exchange for her silence, we both broke down in tears. In the end, we ended up hugging each other, sobbing on each others' shoulders. It was the only bone that would ever be thrown to either of us.
Nothing eventful came up until nightfall – where one of the strangest things happened to me.
I can't describe it. One moment, I was dreaming. The next, I was wide awake, my eyes shooting open. It was as if I had been shaken awake by somepony else. But there was nopony in the room. The Cakes were fast asleep, and the house was still and quiet. Yet, there was something that had pulled me out of my slumber. As my senses came to, I could feel my body moving out of my bed and out of my room. I was moving on my own, yet at the same time, it felt like every step I took was being taken by somepony else. I remained clueless, even as I walked down the stairs and out the door.
Suddenly, I felt the urge to run. Abruptly, I felt this sudden weight in my chest, my heartbeat picking up speed second by second. My mind had no idea where I was going. But my body clearly knew what it was doing. So unconsciously, I galloped down the path as fast as I could straight to the Everfree Forest. My eyes took in the sights – a full moon beaming overhead, every star shining for everypony to see if they were awake. The chilliness of the air made me shiver and caused goosebumps to form on my skin. With each and every leap of distance cleared, my heart felt as if it would rip out of me at any given minute. Soon, it became very clear what this feeling was.
Apprehension.
I didn't know what. But something really bad had just occurred. Was this my Pinkie Sense telling me? Or was it simply something in the back of my head that I couldn't get rid of? Either way, I knew that for some reason, I was being pulled straight towards the spot where it had happened. Even then, I could not realize how much the ripples within our pond had grown or how many there were on the surface. Even then, I was so blind to the truth until it had struck me right in the head, just like what the angry mobster had thrown.
And before I knew it, there it was.
The pond I am now sitting in front of me was completely clear. There was no sign of lily pads, pond scum, or even any life. All in all, it was something that hadn't been touched by even the insects. At first, I was confused at the lack of activity and the fact that the weight in my chest hadn't gone away. If this was my Pinkie Sense, then why did it take me here? I couldn't see anything wrong with the pond other than its eerie stillness. As I leaned in to take a closer look, I saw something out of the corner of my eye.
A piece of paper – certainly something out of place.
My curiosity getting the better of me, I stuck my hoof in to pull it out and inspect it. Upon peering, I could see that it had writing on it. So of course, I read it.
Dear Friends,
Sorry that I didn't have the time to let any of you visit me when I was awake, with the lucky exception of Pinkie Pie. But as it was, time doesn't wait for anypony, even the fastest flier in all of Equestria! I figured the only way any of you would know that I left is if I left a letter behind. Most likely, Pinkie Pie and her wacky Pinkie sense will find it first.
My heart skipped a beat.
So, yeah. It's been real fun, girls. We hung out, we laughed, we argued, we cried, and we stuck to each other like glue. Once again, I'm real sorry for just up and leaving like I am. But it simply couldn't wait anymore. I'm taking a leave from Ponyville for a while, to pay a visit to Mom and Dad. It's been a while since I've even bothered to see them. Don't know when I'll be back, but I can guarantee that I'll be away for a long time. However, I did make sure to leave you something in the pond. Take a dive and find out what it is!
Your friend,
Rainbow Dash
Now, I can easily say that I'm not much of a swimmer. But in that moment, my curiosity took over, and the wonder of what she had left for us seemed more appealing than my earlier gut feeling. So naturally, I took in a deep breath, braced myself, and plunged straight into the pool. I dog-paddled down to the bottom, my eyes open and trying their best to look through the waters. There was only one thought in my head, and that was the happy anticipation of a surprise. Maybe it would be some sort of scare prank? Or maybe she dropped some sort of weird present!
When I got to the bottom, I was quick to discover that it was neither of these.
When I got to the bottom, all I saw were two magenta eyes staring into my own.
And I screamed.
With newfound energy pumped into my body, I raced back up towards the surface. There was a pain in my chest that was increasing due to the lack of air, and my lungs were begging for release. My eyes were nearly shut, as if what I saw would go away if I just closed off my sight. They didn't open back up even when I burst through the surface of the water and hastily climbed back up onto solid ground. I lay there shivering and cold on the grass for what seemed like forever, not making one attempt to stand back up. Slowly, I rolled onto my back, letting my eyes open to see the moon directly over my head.
For the first time, the timber wolves were not the only ones to howl at the moon.
I didn't care who heard me. I broke down right then and there, sobbing and wailing my heart out. The salt from my tears would've probably been enough to kill the grass underneath me. But I've already killed too many ponies, with a new one now added to the list. I had failed to help her, failed to make her laugh, and failed to cheer her up as I always did. I wasn't there for her when she needed it the most, even when the ripples were at their strongest. By the time I had noticed, it was already too late.
How could you lie to me, Fluttershy?
But, I guess this isn't the time to be pointing hooves at anypony other than myself.
That's why I'm doing this. I'm going to follow her and find her again, wherever she went. I know I won't come back – at least, not as you would've wanted me. But I can't leave her thinking that I abandoned her where she needed me the most. I'll leave behind my own memento, right beside hers if I can. When I see her, I'm going to fall at her hooves and apologize for what I did to her. If her family is there, I'm going to apologize to them for letting their daughter down. Then I'll come back. I don't know how, but I will. So please, all of you, wait for me until I'm done. I'll be back soon.
Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
Until then, farewell and goodbye.
-Pinkie Pie
My Yellow Diary: Closure
A/N: This is one of multiple endings that will be written, set from the third person narrative and taking place straight after Pinkie Pie has finished writing the letter. This one in particular is considered to be the closest thing to a "good" ending. However, once again, I made sure to leave some parts open to interpretation for the sake of keeping it interesting and you readers guessing. I'm predicting, though, that not many questions will come out of it. But hey, that's just me. You might think otherwise.
On another note, it's up to you to find out what the "deconstruction" element is. So shoot away!
Pinkie Pie slowly set the notebook down on the grass beside Rainbow Dash's note, looking down on both with fond eyes. They had been positioned so that anyone that would come across the lake wouldn't have to shift either of them in order to read it properly. The moonlight that covered the area would make both of the mementos visible as they would have been in the daytime. It was at the very least one thing she could take solace in. She was tempted to say that reuniting with her friend was another, but that would be saying too much. After all, she would never know Rainbow Dash's forgiveness unless she spoke the words herself. This was the only way to know.
She took a few steps back from the items, turning to face the pond itself. It was as if she had just stepped on scene once again. The water was still, with the occasional wind causing ripples to form on the surface. In the midst of night, the light shining down on it made the sight all the more beautiful to behold. But for the mare that stood in front of it, it was a mask that hid the grisly truth that lay within its depths. That, however, was something that she was prepared to get over in just a few minutes.
She closed her eyes, taking in deep breaths in order to mentally prepare herself. She had heard a saying somewhere that drowning wasn't painful. The real reason why most regarded it as the worst way to die was because of the fear itself. The combination of being unable to breathe and continuously sinking was not a pleasant experience, even in theory. But she couldn't let that stop her. After all, it was just fear coming into play, wasn't it? What she was about to do was a good thing. Not only would she get the chance to apologize, but she would also rid Ponyville of the one that had taken so many lives. Everyone would be happy to see her gone for the time being. It was a win-win situation.
She smiled. "Here I come, Dashie..." She walked towards the pond's edge, her knee pinching a little as she lowered her head to see her reflection in the pond. Her mane was straight and long in contrast to its usual curly and puffy appearance. Her cerulean blue eyes had lost their light, leaving behind the same blankness she had seen within the eyes that she had stared into moments ago. But there was an expression on that face heartwarming enough to welcome her and erase whatever doubt she could've had. There was nothing to be afraid of here.
Then it clicked.
Her knee had pinched.
Her pupils shrank, her breath caught in her throat, and every muscle within her body nearly froze up within that very second. With as much speed as she could muster, she whirled around in order to face the danger that her Pinkie Sense had picked up. But she was far too late. All she could see was the underside of a shovel before a sharp pain dominated her head and a resonating clang shot through her ears. Against her will and without any clue as to what had happened, she succumbed to the darkness.
Unconsciousness is nothing but a void. Once you are swallowed and sent to the depths of its belly, you lose yourself and everything serves as your make-up. Thoughts sink down to the bottom and back of your mind. The feeling of your heartbeat inside of your chest is nonexistent. All motor functions shut down and not even the wind can be felt blowing on your skin. You can only guess whether you are on the ground, in the air, or under the water. It is the closest one can come to death without actually dying.
With such a justification, it was no surprise to hear that when Pinkie stirred, she was a little more than disoriented and confused. Slowly, she opened her eyes to a half-lid and raised her head a little as soon as she could feel the first of her nerves reawaken. Through her hazy vision, she could only see everything as a swirl of colors. There was a greyish-white mass directly in front of her vision and a brown mass on the opposite end of where she was. To her left, she could feel the faint touch of heat, her ears barely picking up the sound of embers crackling. As more and more of her consciousness surfaced, she slowly placed her hooves on her face and let out a soft moan.
"Up already? Guess ah shouldn't be surprised, considerin' it's you we're talkin' about."
Like a bullet out of a gun, all haziness was shot out of her mind the moment she heard that voice. She sat up, her head swinging to face the one who had addressed her. The figure was standing right beside the fireplace that she had heard, with green eyes meeting her cerulean. There was a fire poker held in one of its front hooves, the tip pointed towards the ceiling like a spear. Even in the room where the only source of light was the burning blaze, Pinkie could see the locks of a blonde mane.
"Applejack...?" She asked quietly, her quiet voice still expressing considerable surprise. "Did you-"
"Eeyup." Appleack was quick to cut her off, taking a few steps back and allowing her visage to be seen. Her ponytail had been undone, leaving behind long and unrestrained locks of her mane to hang down over her shoulders. She carried a neutral attitude in her tone as she spoke, turning herself towards the fireplace and poking at the logs with the rod. "Had to drag ya back here, dry ya off, and make sure you didn't catch a cold. Ya looked like you were sittin' at the pond for quite some time, after all."
Pinkie remained silent for a moment, allowing her vision to explore the setting that she was in. Now that her haziness had faded away, she could see that the mass of brown was actually the wood of the four walls that made up what she presumed to be Applejack's room. The mass of white was a sheet that covered her hind legs. As she reached to slide hooves through her mane, she realized that it was no longer wet as it had used to be. However, it was still long and perfectly straight.
"How did you know where I was?"
The question earned her a snort. "How could ah not? You were screamin' so loud, ah think even the timber wolves were runnin' fer cover."
It was starting to unnerve Pinkie at how casual Applejack was sounding when addressing the situation If she actually heard the crying, then she must've known how distraught the pink pony was. If she had stopped the suicide, then why wasn't she scolding her for even thinking of performing the act in the first place? She was sure that it was what anyone else would've done in that given situation. She was also sure that another immediate option would've been to show concern and worry. None of those options seemed to be taken into account. All the Southern mare seemed to be interested in was poking at those logs in order to keep the fire going.
Then she thought about it. Applejack, ever since the mob attack, had disappeared from the radar of her and her friends. Out of all six of them, she was the only one who had not visited Rainbow Dash when she was hospitalized. According to Rarity, attempts to visit Applejack at her farm ended up in failure, as the rest of the Apple family had claimed they hadn't known where she was. It was only now, right after their rainbow-maned friend ended her life, that she had shown up to anyone. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed all too coincidental.
"Then... you know about what happened...?"
Everything stopped within its tracks.
When Pinkie's hooves rested on the floor, silence reigned supreme. The only thing that broke it was the fireplace's continuous crackling and popping. With each and every second that passed, Pinkie could feel the sets of her teeth press together and grind against each other. Her eyes narrowed, and she took a grim satisfaction in watching Applejack freeze under the death glare. However, it did nothing to soothe the fury that was building up inside of her.
"You knew, didn't you?" As she started to approach Applejack, she was rewarded with the mare turning herself around to face her and backing away. "You knew that Rainbow Dash would do it. I don't know how you did, but you knew. You stood back and let her do it, didn't you? And then you stopped me, just before I could go and apologize to her! I wanted to do something right for once, Applejack! You just had to take it away from us!"
"Pinkie-"
Anything Applejack was going to say as a means of defense was cut off when Pinkie lunged forward, colliding their skulls together in a headbutt that rattled her vision. With a grunt, she was toppled over and slammed onto her back. The force was enough to make her lose the grip she had on the fire poker, and it flew out of her hooves. With that one move, she had been stripped of an effective means to defend herself. So she had one more reason to become fearful when she gazed upon the snarl that had graced the once docile mare's face.
There would be no quarter given here.
Pinkie Pie lunged, pinning down her helpless quarry before it could even begin to recover from the brutal blow. Her hooves shot forward, capturing and pressing against the apple farmer's throat in a vice grip. A strangled yell escaped Applejack's lips, and she struggled against her oppressor frantically. But due to Pinkie's weight and positioning, she couldn't find enough room to kick her off. All she could do was grasp the hooves wrapped around her windpipe and vainly pull at them. Pinkie simply would not let go, genuinely putting forth all her effort in killing her.
"Why did you do it, Applejack?" She screamed, unable to stop the tears from spilling down her face. "Wouldn't you have want me gone, too? Wouldn't you have been happier? I killed all of those ponies, too! If I died, everypony wouldn't have to deal with me anymore! They wouldn't have had to deal with a murderer!" She lowered herself downward and continued to press down even harder, and Applejack's struggling became all the more frantic. "I hate you, Applejack! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"
Every single word tore at Applejack's heart, and the pain was far greater than the pain coursing through her neck and chest. At that point in time, she would've said and done anything just to calm the mare down. But she knew that even though she had saved Pinkie from ending herself, the psychological damage had already been done. Even if she had the ability to speak, nothing could be said to erase what had transpired. Even as she slowly began to lose consciousness, she was beginning to wonder if saving Pinkie Pie had been the right thing to do. But it was just too late for a solution, and the only thing she could do was to sit back and watch herself die.
It was at that point when Applejack's mind was slowly starting to fade away that an image of Rainbow Dash flashed through her head. Her eyes snapped themselves back open, and that was when she realized one thing.
Death was no longer an option here.
Not anymore.
So she gritted her teeth, summoned her willpower, and took a hoof to Pinkie's face.
In her rage, Pinkie had not seen it coming. The force of the blow that crashed into her jaw sent her straight off of Applejack, allowing the farmer pony to greedily gasp at the air. The pink pony, however, was left to stumble and roll across the floor like a tumbleweed until she lost all momentum. Upon stopping, she was on her hooves in an instant, a growl escaping her as she glared daggers into the equally sharp gaze of the recovered Applejack. Once their eyes met, both of the mares stood stock still. Once again, a deafening silence swept over the room, and not even the crackling of the flames could break it this time. Its light, however, was like a wall separating the two within the shadows.
Then, Pinkie attacked.
Time slowed down as she pushed her legs forward in a death-charge, throwing her head forward for yet another headbutt. In response, Applejack did the same. The space between them was wide enough for their acceleration to give them enough power for a painful hit once they connected with each other. But the glares they were regarding each other with promised nothing more than certain death. It was a matter of who won this twisted game of joust that would decide whose desires would come out on top.
Their skulls smashed together.
But this time, Pinkie was the one to falter.
Applejack's natural durability, thanks to years of applebucking, overtook Pinkie's by a long shot. So despite them moving at the same rate, the strike delivered to her was much harder. She nearly lost control of her motor functions again, staggering back in a helpless retreat. She shut her eyes, shaking her head violently in an attempt to get it together. However, all that did was make the splitting agony worse than it was. She tried to regain control, stiffening her legs in an attempt to keep herself from collapsing. But despite stopping herself from falling back, it felt as if she was still teetering on the edge. All she could do was open her eyes and swing her head back up to anticipate Applejack's advance.
What she received was two hooves smashing into her jaw, courtesy of a good old-fashioned buck.
Her vision exploded in stars, and for a brief moment, she was sent back to the void. She flew back to meet the opposite wall in a less-than-graceful crash, sliding down to the bed underneath her. A moan escaped her lips, and she wearily rolled on her stomach in an attempt to regain herself. But once she heard the hooves climbing onto the bed and felt the presence of her opponent's looming figure, she knew that her efforts were futile. So she placed her hooves on her face and started sobbing quietly, the motivation to move from her position lost.
"...why... why did you take it away from me...? Why..."
For a moment, Applejack didn't allow herself to speak, allowing silence to dominate once more. She continued to glare at the back of Pinkie's head, the teeth inside of her closed mouth clenching together. Although she found a dark pleasure in watching the bane of her existence squirm underneath her, she just couldn't find it in her to smile. No amount of agony inflicted would bring her true satisfaction. Even if Applejack allowed herself to kill Pinkie Pie, no reward would come of it. All it would've done was leave yet another life lost and hanging in the balance.
"That's somethin' ah asked mahself, too." Her words came to Pinkie's ears in the form of a low, cold, and furious tone. She lowered herself to the point of her stomach pressing itself against the other mare's back, ignoring the reacting flinch. She moved her head so that her mouth would be next to Pinkie's ear, continuing to say the condemning piece. "Y'all ruined me and mah family with yer lil' stunt. Right now, they're being herded off to Canterlot fer trial, and ahm not even sure whether or not they'll come back. Thanks to the both o' ya, the days of our apple farmin' business are numbered." She practically spat out the word. "So why didn't ah just let you drown yourself like ah should've? It would've been better for everypony if you just died, right?"
"Y...yes..."
"Well, Pinkie...that just ain't the case."
"Wha-?"
Pinkie's teary eyes shot open as she heard that accusatory and furious voice regress to a bitter and unhappy one. She slowly turned her gaze towards the apple farmer as she felt the weight slide off of her back, watching in shaken confusion as Applejack lay down right beside her. Her blonde bangs were now overshadowing her face, effectively hiding her expression. All of the defiance and fury she had presented moments before had vanished, almost as if those emotions had never surfaced in the first place.
"Ah... ah want to think ya deserve it..." She said quietly. "But ah can't. Ah can be as angry as ah want, but ah can never bring mahself to actually wish a fate so horrible as death on another pony. The only way ah would ever do that was if ah hated ya, and...ah don't have in me to hate anypony."
"But-!" For a moment, Pinkie Pie found the emotional strength to raise her head up and protest against the merciful statement. "I do deserve-!"
"No, ya don't!" But Applejack was quick to shoot it down, silencing her pleas with a glare and a sharp tone. She let out a small whimper and lower her head back to where it was, listening to the farmer as she continued to scold her. "The only way y'all could've deserved anything was if ya done it on purpose! Ah know fer a fact that outta the six o' us, you and Fluttershy are the ones that would never jump up at the chance to hurt even a fly! So stop tryin' ta put blame on yerself, sugarcube! All it's doin' is makin' ya look even more miserable than ya should be!"
Silence. Now it was Pinkie's turn to avert her face away from Applejack, her mind needing temporary isolation in order for the statements to run through her mind. Once again, Fluttershy and Rarity's words surfaced from her memory, reprimanding her for her self-deprecation. Had it been anyone else, it would have been easy to dismiss such encouraging words. But these were her friends, the ones that she always put her absolute trust in. If they said that she wasn't a monster, then surely they had to be right.
Of course, that left something out.
"But what about Rainbow Dash...?" She asked quietly, finally raising her head up so that she could meet the gaze of Applejack. "She killed herself because I couldn't help her, wasn't it? You were arguing with her, and both of you looked so upset, and after what happened with all those angry ponies that were attacking us, I tried to help her when she woke up in the hospital, but it didn't work and she-!"
The voice that was raising its volume was abruptly silenced by an orange hoof.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, simmer down, Sally!" Applejack's tone as well as her face expressed nothing but surprise. "You mean ta tell me that Rainbow Dash actually woke up? She actually came outta her coma?" A wistful look replaced the surprise when she saw Pinkie nod, and she lowered her hoof away to let the mare keep speaking.
"She woke up when it was my last time to visit her. We were talking, and I was telling her about what the doctor said to us..." Although initially bright upon the memory of their conversation's start, her voice became increasingly gloomy as more of the memory revealed itself to her. She could feel the tears threatening to well up within her eyes again, and she had to blink several times to keep them at bay. "She... she was acting like I was joking... but when I didn't say anything, she started begging me to tell her that it was a joke. She looked so frantic and so scared... and when she started crying...I..."
It was here that she couldn't hold it in anymore, slapping hooves on her tightly shut eyes. "It was horrible...!" She said hoarsely, shaking her head back and forth in a repetitive motion. The pain in her voice was clear. "I was hugging her and I was crying too, but she wouldn't stop! I couldn't help her at all, Applejack! If only I actually said something, she would've never..." But she couldn't finish her sentence, breaking down and sobbing silently once more.
It was even more painful for Applejack to watch, and it almost made her want to start shedding tears herself. Of course, she always regarded Pinkie to be the "little kid" of the group due to her innocence and naivety. But she was also a grown mare, and she was quick to show it when the time needed it, even if it was in the form of occasionally outlandish behavior. This same mare was carrying on like a filly once a bully was finished with them, or after they had fallen and seriously hurt themselves. It made the situation feel all the more depressing.
But it was also where Applejack could put her "big sister" instinct to good use.
"Pinkie..." She cooed gently, moving over to wrap a foreleg around Pinkie's neck and shoulders. Her touch made the mare flinch once again, but did not receive any negative movement beyond that. "Ya did the best ya could. Every single one of us would've done the same, had we been in yer hooves. Even then, we couldn't say fer sure whether that would've been enough. Ya can't blame yerself fer that, sugarcube..."
"Then why...?" Under the soothing touch, Pinkie seemed to calm down a little with just enough composure to speak again. She lowered her hooves back down, allowing herself to lean into Applejack's embrace. "Why did she do it?"
"It's..." Applejack had to pause for a moment, breathing in a heavy sigh and closing her eyes for a moment. "There was somthin' long beforehoof that happened before all o' this mess. Rainbow Dash told me not to tell anypony else about it under any circumstance... but, now that ya asked..."
"Wha-"
Pinkie cut herself off when she felt Applejack slide her foreleg off and part away, shivering slightly at the loss of body warmth. She watched in silent curiosity as the farmer slid off of the bed and go prone when her hooves reached the floor. In turn, Pinkie turned herself around so that she could see what Applejack was doing. "Applejack?" She questioned hesitantly, her heart rate racing just a little bit faster when she saw those orange hooves reach under the bed to pull something out. When they were retracted, what she saw was a cylindrical straw basket with its lid closed.
"When ah woke up sometime durin' the night, this was lying right beside mah bed." Applejack said softly, her eyes wavering as she spoke. "Ah was a heavy sleeper, so ah never noticed any sign of it until I woke up on mah own." She lifted it gingerly in her forehooves, placing it in front of the confused Pinkie. "Go on, open it up."
Slowly, Pinkie extended a hoof forward to place on the edge of the basket. Because of the tone Applejack was taking, it was becoming increasingly nerve-wracking for her to even consider doing it. She might as well have been given permission to open Pandora's box, with the very risk of unleashing its evil on herself. But at this point in time, she knew she had no other choice. If she retreated now, she would never learn the truth. So she took in a breath to force the fear back down, gripped the lip of the basket tightly, and slowly pulled it open to reveal what was inside.
Within the innards of the basket, clumps of hair strands were piled on top of each other. Due to the darkness, anyone could have mistaken them for hay. But once Pinkie looked closely, she could see the colors of red, vermillion, gold, green, blue, and violet that made up their visage. Within the pile, she could make out the carbon steel of a kitchen knife. Naturally, a confused and pensive look crossed her face as she took the sight into her mind. "This...this is Rainbow Dash's mane!" She exclaimed. "But how... why would she-"
"Do ya know what the rainbow stands for, Pinkie?" Applejack interrupted.
"...good cheer for everypony?"
The helplessly clueless response earned Pinkie a few chuckles. "Nice to see there's still some o' the ol' Pinkie Pie in there..."
Applejack was quick to exchange her joking tone for a serious one, a smile replacing the frown as quickly as the frown had come. "But there's another meanin' I'm referrin' to. See, the rainbow's a thing that's usually associated with fillyfoolin'. Y'know, when a mare's attracted to another mare?"
"...was Rainbow Dash into that kind of stuff?" A different kind of hesitation was in Pinkie's tone as she asked the question. She wasn't one to judge others for their tastes, and she certainly didn't want to sound as if she was coming off that way. Fortunately, Applejack was quick to get the hint and simply shook her head.
"No, she wasn't. But..." She paused to draw in and exhale a deep breath before continuing – a move which made Pinkie all the more nervous. "Ever since she was a little filly, she's been havin' to live with bein' called one. From what she was tellin' me, just about everypony she knew personally believed it, no matter how much she denied 'em. More than once, a few of 'em even tried to get her hitched up with other mares just to continue the joke. At first, she found it funny... but after repeats of it..."
"It started to hurt..." Pinkie finished in a downtrodden but understanding manner.
Slowly, Applejack lowered her head, her bangs falling over her eyes. The memory that had flashed through her mind courtesy of her own words had shot a bullet through her composure, her tone starting to lose its controlled edge "Ah can't help but think..." She whispered bitterly, her shoulders shaking a little. "If... If ah hadn't said anything... if ah had just kept myself from shoutin' too much at her... m-maybe," Her shoulders shook even more, and it was clear that she was struggling not to shed tears. "Maybe she would still be here... maybe she wouldn't have took a knife to her own mane like she did... I just-"
Finally, she could hold back no more. A choked sob escaped her, and she had to press a foreleg to her face due to tears finally leaking out.
"Why did it have t' come to this, Pinkie...?"
All the pink mare could do was remain silent as her friend mirrored her previous actions. It was just like what had happened in the hospital. A once-strong and resilient mare had shed tears like a filly, courtesy of a tragedy that had befallen them. There was no reversal and no certainty if things would return to the way they had been. There was nothing that could be said or done to undo the damage. But this time, there was a crucial difference.
This time, she knew what she had to do.
Slowly, she got off of the bed so that she could sit herself beside Applejack. No longer did she feel the overwhelming depression on her shoulders, as the words spoken between them gave her a bit of relief from that burden. It wasn't much, and it certainly wasn't enough to make her instantly happy. But it was enough for her to find the strength to comfort someone else. Slowly, she wrapped her forelegs around the shuddering mare and gently pulled her into an embrace.
"Sssh..." She cooed, closing her eyes and waiting until the surprised Applejack relaxed a little. One of her hooves idly caressed blonde locks in a soothing manner. It mirrored what her own grandmother used to do for her back when she was younger and whenever she was greatly upset about something. Even as she spoke, she couldn't help but feel a bit of nostalgia. "Don't talk like that, Applejack. If you hadn't stopped me, you probably would've lost another friend. Rainbow Dash may be gone now... and we'll certainly miss her. But we still have each other, right? It could've always been worse..."
"...yeah..." After a moment of silence, Applejack breathed in a heavy sigh. "It could've always been worse..."
And so, silence fell amongst them once again. The only movement made afterwards was Pinkie resting her back against the bedside, keeping Applejack in her hold. Neither of them pulled away from each other, basking in the heat of the fireplace and the quiet that had overtaken the room. This time, the stillness was not something of tension, but rather one of resolution. There was no use crying over what had been lost. All they could hope to do was recover themselves.
Pinkie was the first to break that silence in order to restart their conversation. "...Applejack?"
"Yeah, sugarcube?"
"...when I said I hated you... I didn't mean it."
"I know."
"Do you think Rainbow Dash... really is in a better place?"
"Ah hope so, sugarcube. I hope so..."
Another silence. Then...
"...we look like a couple of fillyfoolers ourselves cuddling like this, don't we?"
The joke seemed to have cut through the emotional fog immediately.
Applejack's lips pursed together tightly, and she lowered her head in a desperate attempt to stifle her snickers. But it just wasn't working, and her stifles were threatening to erupt into full-blown laughter. She instinctively buried her face into Pinkie's chest, and the reverberations of her body was causing the pink mare to struggle holding in her own laughter.
"Gosh darnit, Pinkie!" Applejack stammered, shaking her head from side to side as best as she could. "Only you would just go and kill the mood like that!"
With a shaking and squirming smile, Pinkie gave the farmer her best bedroom eyes. "Well, that would depend, Miss Applejack..." She said in a somewhat theatrical and faux sultry tone. "Would you like to ride this bull?"
That was enough to break the dam. Both mares started laughing loudly and heartily, uncaring if they were heard from outside of the home. Applejack had taken to simply collapsing on Pinkie in her hysterics, and Pinkie herself had a hoof slapped to her face due to tears falling from her eyes. It was most likely a bad joke at best. But they were simply taking pleasure in being able to laugh with mirth and not bitterness. For the first time in that night, happiness could be felt without consequence. They knew that there would still be grief to deal with when the moment was over with, when everyone else gained knowledge of the tragedy. But it didn't matter. That situation would be dealt with as it was approached.
For now, they would just sit down and laugh beside the fireplace.
