Court Jester

Act 1 Part 2: The Job.

The quiet sounds of the night, crickets and cicadas, were there to greet me when I woke up. The room was dark, but not gloomy. The moon gently shined in the room through the window, the soft blue light illuminating the center of the room, leaving the rest of the room to be shrouded in darkness.

A desk against the far wall had a lamp made of metal. It was golden in color, but the gold looked painted on, evidenced by the small scratches that revealed its true color. The desk itself was not very different, except that it was higher up than any desk I had seen. I assumed they gave me the large room for minotaurs, but that desk and stool were overly large.

Then again, that minotaur I saw in Ponyville could've just been small for a minotaur. Keeping that in mind, I shambled tiredly over to the desk, hopping up on the stool. Once I was seated, I opened the drawers of the desk. Inside, I found two inkpots, three quills, a stack of parchment, some other office supplies, and a lockbox with a key nearby.

I opened the lockbox first, finding it to have about forty golden coins inside. Obviously, they didn't often check these boxes, assuming they were empty and that their patrons had taken any items they left in it. On one side, yay for money. On the other, I was tempted to find the previous owner of this room and return their money to them. However, logic won out. This money probably wouldn't be missed too much, if they had forgotten it like they did.

I debated furiously whether or not to buy a pack of smokes with this money, as I had none left. I reasoned that they couldn't be that expensive here, if they used gold for money. That meant their resources were plentiful. At least, that should make sense.

Anyway, the cost of eggs in horseland has nothing to do with what I was planning out. I needed a job. I also needed to map out my monthly costs. I decided to have three columns. Essentials, travel gear, and luxury. I decided to wait until I had an idea of the economy here before I finalized my monthly costs chart. Judging by how many coins I would get an hour, I would map out a whole month's worth of nine-to-five earnings and how much I could afford to spend in each column. I would also keep a good amount of money tucked away for emergencies.

With my chart ready, I decided to get an early start on the day. Before I did though, I did some inventory on my items, and I found a small version of the generator I had arrived with in my pack. I was kind of expecting it to turn up, but not like this. I put it on the ground, and it grew into its normal form. I chose to not question it and just say, "Magic."

That done, I clothed myself. I put my canteens into my belt, tucking my knife away in a small pocket I sewed into my jacket. I grabbed a bag of raisins and my bag of tools as well. I took out what tools I could and put them on my belt, the other ones I merely left in my duffel bag, expecting to be provided some tools if I went to do work.

I stuffed the money into one of the canvas bags on my belt. It was followed by my lighter and three rolls of gauze. With my belt and bags loaded up, I unlocked the door to my room, nudging the door shut with my heel. I turned, locking the door, then depositing my key into my left canvas bag. I went down the stairs, finding the bar to be empty except for a different bar-keep. He had a rag and three glasses in his telekinesis, wiping them down. He eyed me curiously as I left the bar, leaving the birch-wood interior behind as I exited into the early morning light.

Here's when things got strange.

Alright, so right then it was dawn. Then, the sun shot up into the sky, instantly becoming midday.

My jaw dropped, but it was hidden behind my gauze-wrapped face. I just turned my face back to the path I was traveling on and tried not to panic too much.

Ponies had just started leaving their homes a few minutes after that, giving me a few minutes of silence and a golden opportunity to beat any early morning traffic. Sadly, this opportunity was pretty much useless as I nearly got swept away in the ponies who were hurrying to get to their jobs. I elected to hurry my pace in order to get to the nearest general store, mapping out the dirt roadways of the town mentally as I went. Each of these roads were filled with ponies, doing their best to get to their work stations before they got fired for not being on time.

I had to push a few out of the way as I weaved through the crowd, finally coming to the place I was looking for. The general store looked a bit more like a convenience store mixed with a super market, but I didn't doubt that it would have some canned food and smokes. Entering the market, I found that there were only three check-outs, and no self-checks. Further investigation found that two workers were manning the check-outs, leaving one closed. At the back of the store, there were several aisles. Two seemed to have various food items on them. The others were dedicated to toys, beauty care, tools, and finally one had various trinkets on it. It reminded me of a dollar general, or a dollar store.

At the front of the store, however, were the smokes. They had several brands. Marlbucko, Camel, and a few other brands that were plays on cigarette brands from Earth. I bought three packs of the former, and one pack of arandom brand as well. However, it was only six bits, since I got four of them.

Next, I went to the food aisle. There, I found several canned foods. There were tomatoes, spaghetti with tofu balls, potatoes, fruit cans, veggie stew cans, canned beans, and canned peas. I bought a few of each, which only cost me twelve bits, as they are called. For the last item I needed, I went to the tools aisle, finding a wrench kit and a hotplate to only be fifteen bits.

I came up to the farthest left check-out and placed my items on the counter. The cashier started small talk as he counted up my total.

"You're from outta town. Where'dja come from?" He asked as he scanned a can of beans.

"I don't quite remember. I just started walking and didn't stop until I found somewhere." I said, giving him a half-truth.

"I know what that's like. Wanderlust brought me here too, and I couldn't be happier." He replied.

He asked me a question I didn't want to answer, "What happened to your face?" My breath hitched in my throat.

"I was in an... accident." I said, my tone melancholy. "I don't want to talk about it."

He was silent, until he rang up my last item. "Your total comes out to thirty three bits." I placed the desired amount on the counter, gathered my items, and walked home.

After dropping off my supplies, I made my way to the town bulletin board. I could see a large crystal castle in the background, which I hadn't noticed before then. I shrugged it off, taking a drag from the cancerstick in my mouth. The air was a little chilly, but I didn't mind too much. It was better than being stuffy and sweaty, that really made my... wounds hurt.

Anyway, the job board had several offers on it. Three people needed their roofs cleaned, four needed an assistant, and one needed a farmhand. Or hoof, in this case. I decided to take the three roof cleaning jobs, since those wouldn't take too long. I had done roof-cleaning, chimney cleaning, and just regular cleaning before. I could probably pass as a decent janitor with all the cleaning I've done to keep my home in decent condition.

The three roof-cleaning jobs each took about forty minutes. A fourth of that time was spent attempting to actually get on the roof, as I had to be very careful not to break the ladders when climbing them.

One thing to note, though, was that I was attacked when doing the second job.

I had just gotten up on the roof, when the pony levitated a rake and a shovel up to me. I picked up the shovel and began shoveling the leaves off into the pony's backyard, when a blue blur slammed into me. I went flying, tumbling end over end as the blue blur came back down, punching me hard in the stomach. I already had the air knocked out of me, so I slammed into the ground, trying to suck in air.

The blue blur came back at me, diving towards me. I rolled at the last second, hopping up. I ran quickly away from the scene, panting.

"GET BACK HERE, MONSTER!" The blur screamed as it came after me.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I replied, continuing in my mad dash away from the crazy flying sonic fangirl.

I continued running for a time, weaving through alleys in an effort to lose the flying menace, but she kept catching up to me no matter how fast I ran.

So I decided to run the other way.

She slammed on the brakes, giving me just enough time to duck into an alleyway before she turned.

I breathed slowly and lightly, watching as the blue menace flew above, looking down to find me.

Eventually, however, she left. I soon after returned to my job and the home-owner apologized profusely, refusing to make me finish the job. She handed me the payment for the job and pushed me out into the street. I decided to get the last job done quickly after that.

So here I was, staring at the vast orchard of apples in front of me. I began walking, but I was stopped when an orange pony crested the hill in front of me.

"Are ya here for the job?" She asked, a noticeable southern twang in her voice.

"Yes, actually. What's the pay?" I asked, getting straight to the point.

"Fifty bits per every ten baskets filled. Take it or leave it."

To make a long story short, I accepted. The rest of my day was spent toiling away at the apple farm, but I managed to rack up thirty baskets before six P.M. I was paid 50 bits for each ten baskets I filled, just as promised.

I returned home at eight, having dropped by a tailors' shop. I was informed that there were several tailors in Ponyville, but the one I visited was rated in the number two slot, the one that was number one was an overly frilly and girly shop owned by a mare named Rarity. However, the reason this shop was in the number two shop was that the owner was extremely good at quickly creating clothing. The owner had four pairs of clothes and two jackets done for me in about an hour.

Once I returned, I paid the bar-keep for seven nights, which was about sixty bits. My clothes costed me forty, so I was down a hundred bits, but each of the roof-cleaning jobs had paid twenty five bits, so I had one hundred thirty two bits in total.

With an uncomfortable burn in my muscles, I filled in the graph of monthly costs and then finally turned in for the day.