The Honorable Princess Judge Twilight Sparkle

”Heartstrings v. Doo” By Darklordcomp

Twilight Sparkle sat behind "the bench" her wings ruffling beneath her heavy black judge robes, and her mane itching from the tight bun it was tied into. She resisted the urge to groan, why she agreed to become Ponyville’s Judge for any crime that wasn't considered federal she'd never know. She had just gotten back from saving the Space-Time Continuum and singing a very snazzy song about friendship to her new student, Starlight Glimmer, when suddenly Mayor Mare trots on up to her, hands her a powdered wig and says “congrats Twilight, you are our new judge!”

Now here she sat, the following Monday, barely staying awake since Mondays were sleep in days for her and Spike (she was forced to agree to it by Spike, he stated that she needed the extra sleep since she barely slept on weekends anyway), Big Mac standing to the side of the bench in a bailiff uniform (which showed off his curves nicely…) and Spike sitting next to her in a raised chair, typewriter at the ready to take notes on all the proceedings.

She was about to turn to make conversation with Big Macintosh when the speakers that surrounded the room turned on and Starlight Glimmer her student/secretary announced that the court room would soon be full of ponies coming to watch the court cases. With a sigh Twilight got up and left the room, since apparently, the judge wasn’t supposed to be in the room when Ponies got there, and waited.

Waiting in the break room behind the bench Twilight sipped her coffee and waited for what felt like ages but was about ten minutes, for Starlight to call the courtroom into session. Twilight then made the trudge back to her seat and Big Mac called out “All rise for the Honorable Princess Judge Twilight Sparkle!” causing the ponies in the room to stand and Twilight to scream a little internally.

Taking her seat Twilight took a big breath and said “Thank you Big Mac, everypony you may be seated, the court is now in session.” Big Mac nodded and everypony sat down except for two ponies standing behind the defendant’s desks. Twilight recognized both, one of them was Lyra, a mint unicorn who was suing for 100 bits because of damage done to her Lyre and other musical instruments, the other was Ditzy “Derpy” Doo, who was…just there to defend themselves she wasn’t even going to counter sue, Celestia bless her.

“Right, the Court case of Lyra Heartstrings vs Ditzy Doo is now in session, do both of you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth while you are inside this court?” Twilight asked them both, receiving verbal acknowledgement from both.

“Alright then, Lyra can you explain what happened from your point of view?” Twilight looked to the fuming unicorn who looked eager to tear into the unperturbed pegasi across from her.

“Oh yea, Princess I’ll –” Lyra began only to be cut off from a stern cough from Big Mac

“Ahm sorry to interupt but that's Honorable Princess Judge Twilight Sparkle.” He drawls giving the mint mare a stern...glare.

Lyra huffed “ Honorable Princess Judge Twilight Sparkle, I’ll explain what happened.” Lyra then turned to Ditzy with anger clearly drawn on her face “This bubble head delivered me nothing but sawdust!”

The Honorable Princess Judge Twilight Sparkle banged her gavel “Refrain from insulting the accused, thank you” Lyra had the decency to be embarrassed before Twilight continued turning to the pegasus in question. “Now Ditzy, is this true, did you deliver Lyra saw dust instead of her…” Twilight looked back to Lyra.

“Lyres” the mint unicorn growled, recovering from her momentary embarrassment.

The pegasus shrugged. “I don’t know why there weren’t lyres in there. I’m almost certain I packed them.”

“You are not contesting the absence of the lyres though, is that correct?” Twilight closed her eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breathe. “Why is this matter appearing in court if you’ve already worked it out?”

“Because it isn’t worked out! I still haven’t received my lyres and it’s been three weeks since the incident!” Lyra fumed. “That’s why I’m suing for 100 bits so I can afford to order new lyres!”

Twilight could feel a twitch starting in her left eye. “Lyra it costs 100 bits to even have your case appear before court, even if you win the case today all you would accomplish is paying yourself back for bringing the case to court in the first place!”

Ditzy gasped. “Oh no! I can give her a hundred bits your honor if that helps!” Ditzy turned to her left and pulled out a bit bag. She rummaged through it for a minute before giving up and just throwing the bag towards Lyra only to have it land on the floor, a loud wooden smack sounding throughout the court. “Oops, I’m sorry.”

The Honorable Princess Judge Twilight Sparkle, in a very even and not at all heated tone, asked, “Ditzy, what’s in those bags?”

Ditzy moved over to pick up the bag before giving it to Big Mac. The stallion looked into the bag, and with the best poker face he could muster, walked it over to the Judge. Inside the rather large bag were half a dozen lyres.

“Ditzy… this wouldn’t happen to be your delivery bag would it?” the Princess Judge ground out, her hair starting to sizzle slightly. She used her magic to float the bag back towards the confused mare and waited seven long, painful seconds.

Ditzy squinted, her eyes uncrossing to focus on the bag floating in front of her, before giggling and saying “Oh yea, I grabbed it this morning thinking it was my bit bag!” Her smile then dropped and turned into a concerned frown. “Oh no, that means I don’t have any money for Lyra! Can I run home and get my bit bag for her?”

Twilight slammed her gavel. “The court will take a five minute recess so that Ditzy can go get her bit bag from home. Any objections?”

“Um… your honor?” Lyra raised her hoof. “I think I know where Ditzy’s bit bag is…” Lyra levitated a box onto the table. SHe opened it and upended it onto said table, spilling out a pile of sawdust. At the very end, a small bag fell out, landing on the top, sending sawdust flying everywhere.

“You found it!” Ditzy galloped over and hugged Lyra. “Thank you so much!” She took the bit bag, pulling out one hundred bits. “Here you go, Lyra!”

“Aw, thanks Ditzy.” Lyra turned back to the judge, who was curiously absent. “Where’d Judge Twilight go?”

Everyone looked around before, in a flash of light, the Honorable Princess Judge Twilight Sparkle was back in her seat. “Apologies about that. Had something to take care of.”

Everyone was confused for a second, before they heard a scream coming from a distance that curiously sounded like the Judge sitting before them.

“Now, I will render my verdict.” Twilight shuffled papers in front of her. “I pronounce the defendant, Ditzy Doo, guilty, and must pay a fine of one hundred bits to Lyra.”

“Okay!” Ditzy went back to her bit bag and withdrew another hundred bits, putting it in front of Lyra. “I got more deliveries to go take care of, bye!”

“Court dismissed.” With that Twilight teleported out of the courtroom, her chair catching fire because of the unnecessary amount of power she put into the spell.

In the little chair next to the bench lay Spike, forgotten and asleep at the typewriter the only words he had managed to type before drifting off to dreamland were the words “All” until his head hit the keys, causing the magic typewriter to cycle through “asdkadlksnadlknasdladnlkasndlasdks9andklsdnaldnskad” until it finally ran out of room on the paper.

When the excerpt was sent to Mayor Mare the next day she’d think it was just another prank pulled by Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash (Celestia forbid both) and would burn the paper and go to Twilight demanding a replacement be sent.

Thus the Honorable Princess Judge Twilight Sparkles day ended as it had started, with the Mayor being defenestrated.