Culture shock

Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Damn it's cold here...

Maybe picking a fight with anything that moved wasn't such a good idea. I found myself in what could best be described as a dungeon, complete with chains, dripping water and rats competing with each other and the prisoners for food. I've been down here for maybe a week, chained to the wall, contemplating what's next.

Footsteps coming down the passage grab my attention. I haven't seen anyone since I woke up, and I'd like to set things right.

"John."

Not a question, more of an observation, like I was being studied. I look up, and see the same horse? that captured me before I ended up here. Now that things are under a little less pressure, I take the time to have a good look, and maybe take a different approach to things.

"How can I help you?" I don't want to beg, no one deserves to have to do that, but I'll play nice this time around. People tend to be a little cross after getting beat on, and I'd prefer to not have a repeat performance.

"You can start with explaining why you assaulted your doctor, two orderlies, destroyed hospital property and attempted assaulting me." Judging by the stern, feminine sounding voice, I'm gonna say it's a she, and she is pissed. And wearing a crown apparently. This is gonna suck for awhile.

"To be honest ma'am, I'm very freaked out by the circumstances that I find myself in, from when I woke up immediately after my crash, all the way to now. I'm sorry that I assaulted the doctor, but I couldn't help but feel threatened."

I pause for a second, trying to gauge her reaction. Nadda.

"I've never encountered... Magic before, nor talking horses and-"

A vaguely horse-like snort stops me short, and her annoyed glare makes me realize I'm doing nothing more than digging myself into a hole. I stop, wondering how many years aggravated assault would fetch me on another planet. Not to mention trying to assault their queen. God I'm boned.

"It appears as though we're not seeing eye to eye here." She says. Her look turns hard, and I can feel a very explicit warning. "I can understand being thrust into a strange world, and reacting to defend yourself, but know this: I will not tolerate violence against my ponies. You will make this right. Do you wish to do so? Or would you rather spend what few days you would otherwise have left chained to the wall?"

Well, I can't say I was expecting that. "Ma'am,-"

"Princess."

"Sorry, Princess. Yes, I would rather make things right with you. How do I go about that?"

"Come with me."

After a really long walk, surrounded by spear wielding horses, I find myself in an elegant chamber. They didn't shackle me, but the magic fields around my wrists and ankles still made anything more than an awkward shuffle impossible. The entire trip was punctuated with looks ranging from morbid curiosity to disgust coming from anyone we passed. For her part, the Princess remained silent, almost serene. Must be fairly easy for her, trying anything at this point would result in a John-kebab, and I'm a man of my word. I'll behave.

She sits down, doglike (Horses can sit like that?) and regards me, thinking.

"Can I trust you to behave if I remove your binds and dismiss the guards?"

"Yes Princess."

She nods, and the guards file out. I'm able to move freely again, and I take the opportunity to rub my wrists and get the blood flowing in my legs again. Some feelings you just don't forget...

She studies me more, and I begin to get nervous again. I don't see a judge, or any means of execution, but I'm sure she's more than capable of... handling things on her own.

"What are you? Are you a new kind of Changeling?"

"Excuse me? I've never heard of a... Changeling. If you're asking for my species, I'm a human." I recap the events leading up to my involuntary placing here, and her expression slowly starts to go from stern, to soft, to curious.

"I wonder.... Could he be up to some wierd prank again...." She pulls out a scroll and feather pen, and starts writing. At this point, I'm starting to have questions of my own. I watch as she finishes writing, and then seal the scroll. I was starting to feel like I was in the medieval times, everything is so old fashioned here. Up until her horn lights up, and the scroll disappears in a burst of green flame.

"Can I ask something?" I gotta figure something out. She simply nods.

"Where am I?"

"You're in the city of Canterlot, capitol of Equestria. This is my personal meeting Chambers, in the Royal Palace, where myself and my sister rule." Just as she finishes answering, out of nowhere a blinding purple flash appears right next to me, where a small purple horse, with wings and a horn like this white one, appears. Bags stuffed beyond capacity slung over her back, her expression is a strange mix of overwhelming excitement and worry.

"OhmygoshCelestiawhat'sgoingonIjustgotyourletterwhat'sahumanI'veneverheardofthemisithereisitdangerousshouldIgettheotherElements-"

"Twilight, calm down, it's right here. it?

"Princess, I'm actually called a he." It's at this point that the purple one, apparently named Twilight, looks at me, bug-eyed. She freezes for a moment, and slowly approaches. She gets within a few feet, wrinkles her nose, and visibly recoils.

"You stink."

"Well, I just spent a week chained to a wall, sorry." I extend my hand, intending to shake, and promptly found it, and myself pinned to the floor in a magenta haze.

"YOU DARE RAISE YOUR HOOF TO ME! Holy fucking shitbisquits she's loud when she screams. My ears are ringing like church bells, and possibly bleeding, I can't be sure.

"No! Where I'm from we shake hands when we greet each other, it's a sign of respect and friendship, I swear!"
At the mention of friendship, the magenta haze around me fades.
I'm still on the floor, dazed and checking my ears for blood. I don't feel any, but I'm sure there's some permanent damage in there somewhere.

"Twilight, please don't use the Royal Canterlot Voice in here." She almost sounds... Amused.

"Sorry Celestia."

"Is that your name Princess? Celestia?"

She nods, then motions towards the purple ball of neurotic energy next to me.

"Yes. And this is Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship." Did I hear that right?

"Is this the sister you were referring to earlier?"

"No, that would be my sister Princess Luna. There are a total of four Princesses at the moment, the fourth lives in the Crystal Empire."

"So who's the King, or Queen here?"

"We don't have Kings and Queens here, they all end up being evil. Perhaps maybe we should go back to figuring out what to do with your disposition."

Ok, Princess, and I'm assuming Prince, good. King and Queen, bad. Check.

"Sure."

"I summoned Twilight here because it seems it would be most beneficial to us all if we took a civil approach to our new situation, agreed?"

Nods. Pausing for breath, she pours herself some tea.

"As such, it is painfully obvious that there is a large difference between our two worlds. From what I gather, you're not even from this planet. I propose that the two of you work together in coming to an understanding of each other's worlds, customs, and history, so that in the likely event that this happens again, we don't have a repeat of last week. Agreed?"

More nods. Civil is nice.

"Your incident at the hospital notwithstanding, you appear to have good intentions. If Twilight is willing, I would like to send you to Ponyville to begin your work. You will stay in the her castle, under house arrest until we can figure out where to go from there. I will have a squad of guards there as a safety measure, but if you maintain a civil manner, I will call them back. Would that be possible Twilight?"

"Yes, I can accommodate that."

"Very well then. While John is staying with you, the only ponies that can know of his existence are the other Elements, Spike Starlight and Sunset. Sunset's knowledge of her dimension may prove helpful. Have you heard anything from Discord?" She summons a book and starts flipping through it.

"No, I haven't. Do you think this is his doing?"

Man, they got some wierd ass names here. I gotta figure out where they get this from.

"It's a strong possibility, the magic that brought him here resembles his magic. If he isn't behind this, maybe he can provide some insight. Have Fluttershy and Applejack talk to him. If there are no further questions, you should get started. Is there anything you would like to input John?"

"No, I'm sure that Twilight can bring me up to speed."

"Very well. Twilight, John, I wish you the best of luck."

Risking more ear damage, I cautiously extend my hand to Celestia, who after an understandable hesitation, extends her own, and we shake. Twilight looks on, curiosity getting the better of her, before she bows to Celestia.

"Are you ready? We're going to teleport back to my castle. It may be a little... wierd."

"Yea."

She steps closer, and her horn lights up, and seconds later, everything turns white. Well, at least it didn't turn black again.