Munching on a cookie, Twilight Sparkle was talking to Spike while reading. "I just can't believe that nopony cares." She nibbled a bit more of her fillyfriend's creation. "Is this how it is for everypony? Do we really not treat mares and stallions all that differently?"

"Depends." Spike was laying on his back. Beside his head was a bowl of crushed gems that were the perfect dragon snack food. "Stallions are the most common types in the Royal Guard, and mares are the more common leaders." He reached out a claw to grab a handful of gems and started munching on them. "Everything else is pretty balanced."

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Spike."

"Mmff." Spike gulped down the gems to free his mouth for talking again. "Well, what've you done to try to let them know you're a mare?"

"I have tried just about everything!" Turning the page in her book, Twilight tossed a hoof in the air. "I started going around without my armor on, and all that happened was even more mares turned to stare at me… Does that happen to all stallions?"

"Just us cute ones." Spike's smile grew as he reached for more gems.

Twilight froze for a moment, not wanting to fully contemplate Spike's reply. "I tried getting those fillies—Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo—to do my mane and tail. I was hoping for braids and bows."

"I saw that, it was awesome! How did they even find out about Yakyakistan war-braids anyway? It looked great!" Laughing, Spike almost curled up into a ball.

"So while Rarity was undoing the atrocity, I got her to do something a little more chic." Twilight's memory brought back flashes of the hairdo Rarity had constructed. "I didn't know a Mohawk could be that big…"

Spike had set his comic book down on his belly and was staring up at the ceiling. He gave a soft sigh and uttered one word, "Rarity…" With a new challenger for "Most emotion carried by a single word" firmly set, Spike smiled wistfully.

"That's another thing, isn't she a little old for you?" Squinting at the page, Twilight worked her way through a simple spell while she chatted. "She is a mare, and you're—"

"A brave, gallant dragon!" Performing a perfect sit-up, Spike stuck out his tongue at Twilight. "A dragon can dream, though." And he did.

"It is like they have some kind of filter, and once their minds are made up about whom somepony is, it is impossible to change it." Nibbling on another cookie, Twilight reflected on how good things were going with Pinkie "let's just keep having fun together" Pie. "Like the other day:

Kisses, I had decided, were just about a close third behind books and lists. Pinkie's lips were soft in all kinds of ways that I had never thought of something soft being so good before. Our eyes always focused on each other for just a moment before mutually fluttering closed, and then we both were in it just for the touch.

Today, Pinkie was in a boisterous mood. I could tell because her tongue was tickling the tips of my lips and making me want to curl my hooves and squirm in delight. Opening my eyes, I saw her looking, waiting for that exact moment.

I coughed and gasped. "Pinkie!" My gasping was replaced by laughter, but interspersed with more coughing. She had blown a raspberry against my lips at the last second and it was such a "Pinkie Pie" thing to do that I couldn't hold it against her if I tried. "You are irrepressible!"

"Made you smile!" Pinkie's voice and laugh was infectious, and I knew it wasn't just me it affected. All around the mare ponies seemed happier, their days brightened simply by seeing Pinkie. Leaning in, I kissed her briefly on the snout. "I." Another kiss. "Love." And a third that lingered a little more. "You."

Pinkie seemed to explode into movement, and I was suddenly caught up in the most intense kiss of my life. She held me close, pulled me against her with her forelegs and her lips were all I could think about. Her tongue didn't tease this time, didn't play games, it pushed into my mouth and flicked around to all the places she knew I was sensitive, and a few new ones.

Breaking the kiss, Pinkie smiled with an intensity she reserved for intimate moments and tricky baking. "And I love you too, my little book worm." Just knowing that tone and those words were for me made my heart catapult into the clouds higher than any pegasus could reach. "But I gotta go back to work. Have some cookies!"

Setting me back on my hooves, Pinkie Pie disappeared in a cloud of pink. Where she had stood, a bag of cookies—the paper covered in love hearts—sat. With my magic I picked up the bag, only to hear a pony behind me clear their throat.

Turning, I saw Big Mac standing almost right behind me, and his eyes were narrowed, focused. "Uh… Hi McIntosh."

"How'd you do that?" Big Mac walked up beside me, his tone accusing me of the highest of crimes… or so it seemed.

"Do what?" My size let me stand up to most stallions, but McIntosh was another matter. I felt small, tiny compared to his obvious muscle and mass. "I don't—"

"When Ah kiss my fillyfriend, Ah can't help but go rock hard." Big Mac's words shocked me enough that I couldn't actually follow them. They lined up in my head, and I am sure he said them, but no sense came.

My mind reeled and tried to put together meaning, but when a big hoof grabbed my back leg and lifted, everything in my head seemed to explode at once as McIntosh looked under my belly. "Hey! What are you doing?!"

"I knew it!" Big Mac's exclamation filled me with dread and hope at the same time. Surely he had seen enough to know I was a mare? "You are using magic to hide it!"

My foreleg lifted up and planted firmly on my forehead. "You have got to be kidding me?"

"So Big Mac thinks you are using magic to tuck?" Spike's claws both flew to his mouth in desperation to hold it closed. Eyes bugging out of his head, he managed at least five full seconds. Rolling around on his back, Spike let loose the biggest gales of laughter in his life. "You… and Big Mac…"

"Sure. Laugh it up." Twilight tossed a pillow at Spike, not that it affected him in the slightest. "So then I find out he was telling other stallions.

"You are such a good pony to bring all these. The foals love the adventure books." Nurse Redheart was carefully putting the books I had brought down, one by one, onto a little cart.

I was starting to manage not blushing every time I saw a stallion. It seemed like no matter who I talked to, Big Mac was walking away from them, an annoyed scowl on his face. I was taking a stack of books to Ponyville Hospital, and had just set them down at the nurses' office, when I heard a sound behind me.

"Psst!"

Turning my head, I spotted a unicorn stallion wearing the worst shave I had ever seen. He wasn't just synonymous with the hospital, he was notorious. "Doctor Horse?"

"Psst!" It was Doctor Horse making the ridiculous noise, and every brain cell in my head warned me that talking to him would be a terrible idea. "PSST!"

If a simple groan would've gotten me out of talking to him, the one I deployed would have been it. It was perfect, and Nurse Redheart gave a knowing titter when she heard it. "Excuse me, I think I have to talk to the doctor."

"Probably for the best." Nurse Redheart went from inspecting every book to looking right at my plot the moment I turned. She didn't think I noticed, but there was a reflection in the window beside Doctor Horse.

"PSST!" Doctor Horse looked eager, and now that I was facing him his face lit up. Backing up, he made room for me to enter his office. The room was glass fronted, with little blinds lowered to give him privacy. "What's the spell?"

I blinked, not catching on to his meaning at first. "Spell?" As if to answer, he lifted his leg and I saw a lot more than I ever needed to of a stallion. I turned away as quickly as I could, but even closing my eyes left a flash of the outline of his partially erect length. "Why would you…"

"The spell! Big Mac said you had a spell that would hide when you had a hard-on!" Doctor Horse walked to his door and, with his magic, opened the slats. I could see—not as well as he could, obviously—Nurse Redheart bending down to pick up the last of the books, her tail partly raised.

"The spell…" I didn't even know if there was one, but I knew for a fact that giving it to Doctor Horse was just about the worst idea I could ever have. "Let me get this straight. You want a spell to hide your… meat… so that you can walk around the hospital ogling the nurses?" His eager nod was not so much that it would make him lose sight of Nurse Redheart outside. "I can't believe this."

"What's not to believe? Come on, you can't hold out on me!" His tone was almost wheedling now, and while there was a spark in me that had sympathy for him, I had a lot more for the nurses he was going to have free-rein with—optically speaking at least.

"Look, I don't have—"

"Mac said you do, and he never lies. He said he saw it plain as day, or not." It took all my focus to look at Doctor Horse's head only. The one time my eyes strayed down I saw him again.

"Look. There is no spell, it just…" And then it hit me. There was a spell, it was a simple one too. An illusion that would fit the part exactly. I closed my eyes and begged Princess Celestia's forgiveness for what I was about to do. "Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anypony else?"

"Sure, whatever. I need it!"

Right then I was willing to do anything to both get out of his office and not have to see his throbbing, hard shaft again. And that tore it, now I couldn't stop thinking about his jutting, glistening length. Shaking my head, I quickly recalled the illusion, and tweaked it a little in my head. "I need paper."

Paper and a quill was practically thrown at me, and with my head bent over it I didn't have to look at Doctor Horse's huge shaft, or mentally picture it going into things. Scribing quickly, I jotted down the spell and finished it up with a flourish. To my horror, I realized I had signed it.

"You. Are. The. BEST!" Doctor Horse snatched the page away and his horn lit. Casting the spell was simple, it was no harder than some of the first spells a foal would learn. The magic bubbled in the air and wrapped around the Doctor's hindquarters.

I watched as his hips took on a slightly slimmer pose, and realized in my haste the spell wasn't just hiding his maleness, it was making him look slightly feminine. I had a moment of terror, when I expected Doctor Horse to scream at me in horror.

"This is perfect!" Doctor Horse caught sight of himself in the window glass and gaped. "And I have a cuter ass than Nurse Redheart!"

I knew he was rock hard, he knew he was rock hard. We both knew this fact and both had widely varying opinions as to how great it was, based entirely off the look of rapture on his face. "I… I am going to go now…"

"You actually gave him a spell that let him ogle mares?" Spike stared at Twilight in shock. "But… What would Princess Celestia think?"

"I feel terrible!" Twilight dropped her head to the floor and covered her eyes with both hooves. She lay there in terror of what Spike's report would bring, until her ears perked up. The sound of a baby dragon laughing riotously caused Twilight to pull back a hoof and peek. "Spike?"

"This is the funniest thing ever! And he was too busy staring at his own butt to ogle the nurses'?" Spike exploded into further bouts of laughter that no further words could escape.

"Huh…" Twilight pulled her other hoof away from her face and sat up. Thinking about the situation, she realized he had been more focused on his illusory derriere to chase after the nurse. "That… that might be a good thing…"

Twilight smiled and started to laugh along with Spike, remembering Pinkie's motto that "laughter was the best medicine." Then she froze. Her mind finally connected the dots, and she realized what the spell's effect would lead the Doctor, and anypony he spoke to about it, to believe. "They are never going to believe I am a mare! They are going to think it is the spell!"

Spike's laughter stopped and he sat up. Looking at Twilight, his little snout curled into a screwed up and scrunched expression, and then laughter to dwarf all the rest pealed forth.

Author's Note

Twilight Velvet and Night Light: what are your thoughts about Twilight having feelings for another mare and how do you feel about that?

"That's two questions." Twilight Velvet lifted her head from the scroll.

Night Light nodded. "And for two ponies. But I think we can answer them all the same." He drew a deep breath in, held it a moment and then let it out with a big grin. "Our little Twily has a fillyfriend!"

"It's wonderful!" Twilight Velvet seemed in complete agreement. "I remember when I first fell for a star-gazing stallion, his telescope was so—"

"This is rated E, Sugarcup." Night Light tapped Twilight Velvet on the snout.

Shaking her head to clear her of her husband's ill-timed hoof, Twilight Velvet blew a raspberry at Night. "No, it is M. We can talk about all the naughty bits we want, but not about using them."

Night Light raised an eyebrow and leaned in, pressing his snout to his wife's ear. His lips worked, and the longer he whispered the more and more excited Twilight Velvet looked.

"Excuse us!" Twilight Velvet lifted her husband up in her magic and started trotting for the exit. "I have some... uh... stars I need Night to look at with his... optical... equipment..."

So I do this "Ask x" thing, x can be any pony within the story. You can ask them anything and ~~I~~ they will definitely hopefully reply. Keep the questions appropriate to the age-rating of the stories and of course, ~~I~~ they will answer the best question(s) in the author notes of the next chapter. The more votes a comment has the more likely I will get it to the right pony to answer, try and keep it to one answer per post! ~~I~~ They will pick one question per chapter.

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