The Nightmare and Me

Nightmare was about as big as a Newfoundland, and obsessed with scary movies. Probably because she's incapable of having nightmares.

She yawned when I told her about Slenderman. She laughed at all of the Saw movies. Jaws interested her and I'm glad, since it's Shark Week. She loves sharks now, and  since her birthday is coming up, I think I'll get her a barge fishtank and a couple of those hand sized sharks you get at Meijer. And maybe a book on taking care of them.

"Ana! Where's the peanut butter!" Nightmare yelled from the kitchen.

"Why should I tell you?" I yelled back.

"'Cus I'm makin' SAMMICHES!" she screamed.

Yes. I spoil my little freak of nature.

"In a second, I'm BUSY!" I screamed back.

I shuffled the pictures I took of her when she was a filly back into the manilla folder. I grumbled as I stalked  down the hallway.

"The peanut butter is where it usually is." I snapped without looking at her.

"Thanks," I sat down on the couch and pulled out my laptop from underneath the couch. Strangely, Nightmare hadn't discovered it.

I printed a picture of Howard Stern for Nightmare.

"Nightmare!" I called. "I have something for you!"

I walked int the kitchen holding the cheap printer paper. I stopped dead in the doorway. In front of me was Nightmare, the peanut butter jar rolling, empty, on the floor beneath her. Nightmare's cheeks bulged and tried to open her mouth. In her mouth was a horrific mixture of the jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly I have yet to find.

"Sweet Celestia! Spit it out, Nightmare. If you can't spit it, you're a freaking alicorn. Use voodoo or something!" I yelled.

"Umph cud gah faht! Theliti id i!"

"Spit it out. Now." my voice was calm and deadly serious.

She took note of my tone and spat most of it in the garbage.

"I said that we're out of bread, but I still wanted PBJ, so I just kinda..." she shrugged. Her catlike eyes honed in on the paper in my hand. "What's that?"

I showed it to her. "Ready for target practice?"

~~~~~~\o/~~~~~/~~~~~

Two weeks later, it was the day. I Googled how to take care of a small smark and was The Almighty Smart Person. Turns out they didn't have sharks at Meijer, so I went to an exotic pet store. There were some sharks; I got five. But while I was there, I decided to take a look around. I saw chameleons, gerbils, rare dog breeds ($1,850?), and... foxes?

In a display case near the back of the store, I saw a mother fox nursing several kits. I crouched down to get a better look. She was black and silver, except her ears had a little ging in them, and her feet were a rusty hue. Of all the fox kits, only one looked like her. It was a tiny male struggling to get a place at the Mom Buffet.

I stood up and strode to the front counter.

"I want the fox runt." I announced to the fat guy with a scrawny goatee at the counter.

"They're not weaned until six weeks. Wait Three and come back." he droned, tapping away at his computer keys.

"The one I want isn't getting any milk. It would benefit all of us if you just sold him to me." I felt my childhood disagreeance slowly seeping back.

"Look, lady, I can't do that. It's against store policy." he adjusted his glasses.

"I have a... proposal for you. You sell me the fox, I'll hook you up with my sister's phone number." I offered, noticing the  loneliness in his eyes. I almost felt bad for him. Not quite, though.

"If she is hot, I can discount the price. May I see her picture?" he licked his lips in a creepy way.

I unlocked my iPhone and scrolled through the pictures.

"Aha!" I stopped at a picture of boobs. Courtesy of my ex-boyfriend. "Is this good enough?"

His eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "I-I'll rings you up." Pervert.

I smiled much like Nightmare when he left. I wrote down the rejection hotline on a scrap of paper.

I know what destruction a fox can do, I did an essay in college about them once.

I strolled to the collar and leash section and picked out a dark leather collar and a chain leash. You need to have tough materials when dealing with sharp, white carnivore teeth. I also got a tennis ball six-pack. Last on my list was a litterbox and the granules.

I returned to the desk with the supplies. He had a cardboard box that shivered on the desk.

That will be... one hundred and eighty dollars."

I pushed the paper toward him. "Thank you," I said sweetly.

And then I got the hell out.

~~~~~~~\o/~~~/~~~~~~~

I had one more stop before home. Last week I put in a request for a special cake at the Cakery. Here's a hint: it has to do with sharks and red velvet cake. I picked it up and paid the lady.

When I got home, Nightmare was outside playing in the woods. Perfect. I brought the huge tank into her room and filled it up within ten minutes. Then I poured the sand in and put the decor and sharks in. C'est magnifique.

I got the cake out of the car and stuck a scuba tank-shaped candle in the shark on the cake's mouth. I ran out and got the sweetie peetie fox kit.

I shall name him Todd and he shall be mine. I thought as I put him on an old towel in my room.

I poked my head out the back door and screamed for Nightmare.

A couple minutes later, a bedraggled Nightmare Moon crawled out of a thicket, covered in burrs. She jumped and pointed her horn at a bush and disintigrated it.

"Coming!" she called.

She gasped when she saw the cake. "Jaws!" she rushed up to it with a happy gleam in her eyes.

I opened the junk drawer and groped for the camera. I tried to keep a smug look off my face as I pulled it out and took a picture.

I pulled a lighter out (I don't smoke, but lighters can come in handy) and lit the candle.

"Happy Birthday to you; happy birthday to you; happy birthday dear Nightmare; happy birthday to you," I sang. "Blow out the candle."

She inhaled deeply and blew hard. Some icing departed with the cake.

Looking at the cake, I mentally swore. I pulled out my iPhone and downloaded the Jaws theme. I put it back in my pocket before the birthday filly noticed.

And then we ate cake. Nightmare squealed in delight when she saw that the inside of the shark was red cake.

"Ana, that was awesome! You are an honorary Shadowbolt now." she announced after she was done eating cake.

"That's not all, look in your room."

Nightmare scampered toward her room. Once again, I unlocked my iPhone and I turned on the Jaws theme.

Nightmare was opening her door when I caught up. She ran into her room and screamed.

"NO WAY! THAT'S SO INCREDIBLY COOL! WICKED!" she ran in circles, still screaming.

I smiled and took a video with my phone.

She hugged me and pressed her face against the tank, careful so that her horn didn't cut the glass. "So I'll name you Jaws, you're Bruce, you're name is..."