The Nightmare and Me

Thanksgiving. The dreaded day that women are allowed to pig out as much as possible.

I naturally loved it.

"Nightmare, you can rakebetter than that. You are a magical technicolor pony, I'm a bland little human. Make a bigger leaf pile." I instructed her.

"But it's haaaaaaard," she Whined like Rarity in A dog and  pony show.

"Not as hard as getting rid of your Facebook profile picture," I retorted. "Rake."

She snorted and got to work with the plastic red rake.

"Todd, heel," I commanded the handsome now-red fox near the back door. He bounded over and made his signature monkey-cat sound. "Yeah, I love you too."

"Ana! Where you going!" Nightmare didn't say it like a question.

"I'm walking Todd. Go feed Bruce and Jaws when you're done." I told her over my shoulder. Bruce and Jaws had eaten the other shark.

"Okay," she sulked and levitated all leaves in the backyard into one huge pile, casting the rake aside.

I glanced backward at the massive leaf pile, a childish urge rising in me. I bite my lip and walk on.

If you believed that last sentence, you don't know me at all.

I turned and made a mad dash toward the pile of reds, oranges, and yellows, with Todd hot on my heels.

A wild cheer ripped itself free from my chest as I sailed into the pile, past Nightmare's dumbfounded expression.

"Why did you do that?" she asked angrily as I crawled out of the leaf pile, maple leaves in my blonde hair.

"It's fun, see?" I picked her up and tossed her into the leaves.

She flailed in the air and a panicked expression flashed across her features. She screamed when she hit the pile and Todd monkey-cat barked.

"Wooooo!" I yelled before jumping in again in an incredibly mature fashion.

Nightmare gasped as her head broke the surface of the leaves. "Help me, I'm DYING!!!!"

She was nearly as tall as me in all my 5'7 glory now, so it was pretty funny.

She scowled at me as I was doubled over in peals of laughter.

"It's not funny! I could have drowned," she snapped.

"Oh Nightmare, you so crazy." I sighed.

"Uh, Ana, you so crazy?" she shook leaves out of her mane. Todd monkey-cat barked again.

"Guess what?" I asked her excitedly.

"What?"

"Thanksgiving's in a few days!" I twirled.

"Thanksgiving."

"Feast." I said. I paused. "That is a weird word, isn't it? Say it; feast. Feeeaaaast. Feast. Fea-"

"I get it. What do we eat?"

"Turkey, stuffing, sweet potato sweets, weird cranberry stuff, green bean stuff, and biscuits. Lots and lots of biscuits." I dreamily smiled at the memory of fattening foods.

"Ooh, sounds good," Nightmare licked her lips.

Another thing I found unnerving was that she eats meat.

"It takes forever to cook, but it's allllll worth it in the end, with the napping, and the football watching, and the forced puking-" I stopped myself. "Forget that last part."

"What part?"

"Good."

The next few days were a whirl of shopping, cooking, and singing along to The Living Tombstone's Good ol' days.

I had been getting headaches on a regular basis, and I had trouble remembering how to cook a turkey, even though I've done it a million times before.

But nonetheless I cooked the bird and my eyebrows safely (kinda).

Nightmare was in the middle of complaining about how Modern Family needs her to become perfect when-

"It is," I announced grandly. "Finito!"

I placed a brown-black turkey on the table and Nightmare stared at it apprehensively.

"Ana," she said quietly. "Move away from the turkey. Now."

"Why?"

"Do it."

I walked away from the turkey and watched in comedic horror as Nightmare Moon confronted a blackened bird.

"So we meet again, old foe. You think your chicken minions can bast this house? No, I'll stop you this time!" she fired a laser beam at the turkey, my turkey.

"What the-" I began as it got up and ran around the dining room.

"Die, fiend!" she shot more lasers at it, some richocheting around the room.

I yelped as one took what was left of my eyebrows off.

Todd snarled and chomped down on the turkey's leg. It flopped on the floor, lifeless once more.

"Did-did anybody else see that?" I asked, wide-eyed.

Nightmare chuckled, slightly unhinged from the ordeal. "I may have cast a come-to-life spell on Turkoitis instead of a burn-in-he-"

"I get the idea, Nightmare. Let's just eat the potatoes and cranberry stuff."

I leaned back in my chair, feeling bloated. "Ugh,"

Nightmare burped across the table, sending midninght blue sparks spiraling through the air.

My life is perfectly normal, isn't it?

I got up to use the little girl's room and had to grip the table to keep steady.

"Whoa there," I chuckled.

"Anything wrong?" Nightmare asked.

"No," I replied.

Todd whined from underneath the table.

"Are you full, buddy?" I asked him.

My vision blurred for a moment, but returned to normal.

What was going on?

My legs slipped from under me and all my limbs shook with uncontrollable fits.

"Ana!" Nightmare screamed and everything went black.