The next few days passed by without anything crazy going on. For the first time since I arrived in this insanity I actually had some time to decompress and mellow out despite it being a really busy time. Lyra finalized the deal for my new place and I moved off of Derpy’s couch and into my own place.

It took me four days to explain to Lyra why American football and ice hockey weren’t some strange form of gladiatorial combat, in exchange for all her services with the paperwork. In hindsight, referring to “Sudden Death Overtime” with such enthusiasm might not have been my smartest move.

My new home wasn’t much to speak of: Main room, kitchen, bedroom and a loft area. I didn’t even have indoor plumbing. Water came from a pump outside and the er, facilities was an outhouse. The house had a fireplace in the main room for heat, but I had no firewood. Derpy had told me to contact a pony named Burnt Oak for that, but with summer coming on in Ponyville there wasn’t much need for heat right now, so I had time.

My fridge wasn’t like what I had back on Earth either. No quietly humming box of cold for me, no sir. Instead, the fridge actually had a miniature blizzard up where a fridge freezer usually is and that spread cold down to the rest of the food. The normal process is that you get a weather pony in once a week or so to refresh the storm keeping the fridge cold. It’s something of a lucrative side line for the weather teams, and something I was able to dodge, thanks to Derpy.

Speaking of which, Derpy and I spent a lot of time being seen together so that we gave a good impression that I was “taken,” and I swear she grew a little taller with every jealous look that was sent her way. She’d even braided one of her primary feathers into my mane. Not one that had been naturally shed either. She had gone and plucked a living feather from one of her wings and then braided it into my mane with the little electric tickle I’d come to recognize as pegasus magic.

“Oh James,” Luna said, in a soft emotional voice, as she braided her own silver crescent token into my mane that night. “Promise me that in the years to come, you will never do anything to hurt Derpy.”

“What? Are you kidding? I’d rather have my legs cut off than hurt either of you,” I said, half-turning before Luna stopped me so that she could finish what she was doing. “You know that, so why are you asking?”

“It’s just…” Luna sighed, and I felt a slight tug as she fused a bit of my mane around her charm. “Pegasi only use a living feather for this with those they see as lifelong companions. The feather is still alive, because Derpy merged it with your mane. She has literally given a piece of herself to you.”

“She knows we aren’t really a couple, uh trio, right?” I asked, a little worried. “Maybe one day we might be more but…” I shrugged, running out of words.

“The term is ‘herd,’ and she knows our stallion, she knows,” Luna said, turning me to face her. “But, she like you, also knows that one day you might be ‘more.’ The feather does not mean you are wed, just that she views you as a close intimate. Twilight and her friends have all exchanged similar tokens in the past as well and they are not a herd, if that puts you at all at ease.”

“It does, I mean we just settled on the whole friends bit,” I said, feeling relieved. Derpy was my best friend and it would kill me if I had to hurt her by saying ‘no’ to something she wanted and I didn’t.

“‘Best friends’ is the term you used, I believe,” Luna said, smiling somewhat wistfully. “I have had few enough of those in my life, fewer of whom are still alive. This is something you do with best friends.” She ran a hoof over both her and Derpy’s tokens in my mane, and I felt a terribly sad moment as I pictured Luna looking into an old box with millenia old tokens of friendship from long dead ponies.

“Hey, it's okay. I’m here,” I said, giving in to the impulse to hug the Princess of the Night.

“What is this for?” Luna said, both pleased and surprised at the hug.

“You looked like you needed it,” I said, releasing the taller mare.

“I think that you needed it rather more than I,” Luna said, taking a deep breath. “Now, enough of melancholy, as we must speak of serious things with a sober mind. Shaushka, as expected, evaded our search and so I needs must give you a primer on how the changelings operated in the days before Thorax.”

Over the next hour Luna gave me a quick overview of how the changelings used to be. Something of a fairly major threat as it turns out, including one major invasion during which Luna had been drugged by a disguised Chrysalis. Luna had a habit of not being picky about what she ate or drank just before bed, and had chugged down a knockout potion like it was water which had made her sleep through the entire invasion.

“Speaking of collapsing in bed, you appear to be very tired, our stallion,” Luna said, noticing that I was nodding off. Night had fallen a couple of hours earlier and it had been a busy day.

“Ya,” I yawned, for the fourth time. “Sorry, been a long couple of days.”

“And I understand you have a delivery in the morning. Time to put our stallion to bed,” Luna said, as she scooped me up in her magic and headed toward my bedroom.

“I can walk, you know,” I muttered, tiredness stealing away my tact.

“Nonsense, a mare takes care of her stallion,” she said with a smirk as she opened the door and stopped in surprise. “Where is your bed?”

I’d barely been able to afford the house itself and an actual bed was a luxury I just couldn’t afford yet. What I had instead of a bed, was a pile of second hand blankets and a few pillows that I’d arranged into something of a soft nest in one corner of the room. Beside that were a couple of candles and stack of language and math primers intended for preschool foals.

“Don’t have one yet,” I told Luna as she carried me into the center of the room at her side. “It’s on my list. You can put me down now.” I struggled a bit against Luna’s magic, more for show than anything else. She responded by folding my legs against my body and lifting me onto her back between her wings. I was getting more tired by the second so I put my head down on her warm back.

“No stallion of mine sleeps on the floor,” Luna declared, igniting her horn causing me to jerk my head up just as I was beginning to close my eyes.

“Wait Luna, stop,” I said, begging her to hold off. “We aren’t actually a couple, remember?”

“We needs must keep up appearances, James,” Luna said, in the voice of someone explaining something obvious to an idiot. “There is not a pony alive who would believe I would allow a metamour of mine to sleep on the floor.”

“Please Luna, don’t,” I said, quietly in her ear. “It’s important to me that I do the stuff for my home myself. Besides, you can always complain to ponies about ‘how stubborn’ I am.”

“It is no trouble for me to provide you with a bed, are you sure you do not want me to get you one?” Luna asked, twisting her head back to look at me.

“I appreciate it, but no thanks,” I said, relieved that she was listening to me.

“Very well. All mares have some complaint about their stallions, so it will add some veracity to our tale I suppose,” Luna replied, lifting me off her back and settling me amongst the blankets, which she then began to wrap around me. “You will, however, permit me to ensure you are settled for the night.”

“You don’t have to tuck me in,” I said, somewhat testily. “I’m a grown ma… person.”

“You will not fight me on this, our stallion,” Luna said, arching an eyebrow over her smiling face. “Consider it your compromise for my accepting your refusal for a bed.”

“Yes Mistress,” I sarcastically grumbled, as the Princess of the Night wrapped me up in a warm weave of blankets and cushions.

“It is good that you are coming to recognize your proper place at our hooves,” Luna said, with a chuckle and a kiss on the forehead. “We will see you after work tomorrow.” I harrumphed a bit, too tired to worry if Luna was being serious or not. Luna turned off her horn and left, leaving me to fall asleep within minutes in my cozy nest.

The next morning I woke to the sun shining through my window, and the birds chirping with disgusting happiness. There were a lot of nice things about living in Equestria. The weather was managed, healthcare was great, and the rulers were reasonably benevolent, which hid the terrible evil that was the fact that a lot of ponies were up with the dawn.

“Thank God, Celestia didn’t take an interest in me,” I muttered, cursing the daystar as I carefully got myself undone from the sheets and blankets that Luna had wrapped around me. The pattern of tensions in the fabric made for some interesting idle speculation as I undid the last sheet wrapped around my withers and I made my way to the outhouse.

On the way back in I grabbed some water from the pump to brush my teeth with and give myself a wipe down with a cloth and cold water. That done, I made my way into the kitchen and opened my fridge. Which held a pitcher of cold water and nothing else. Lacking a glass I drank straight out of the pitcher and it made me realize how little I actually had in my new home. It was a little depressing, until I reminded myself that there may not be much in these four walls, but they were my walls, dammit.

I just stood there for a few minutes, drinking water and wondering if I could snag something to eat at work, when a knock on my back door heralded the arrival of Dinky and Derpy.

“Thought you could use some breakfast,” Derpy said, offering me a basket of her ever present, and ever delicious muffins.

“Saved my life,” I said, as I all but inhaled a muffin in two bites. Little Dinky looked up at me with a mix of shock, horror and amazement at my savage attack on the baked good.

“Momma, I think James is gonna need more than six muffins,” Dinky said, her voice piping high. I just smiled and gave the adorable little unicorn a hug. If the princesses were alicorns would that make Dinky an “Adoracorn?”

The three of us sat in my bare kitchen, eating muffins and drinking water. Soon enough though we headed for work, dropping off Dinky at school along the way. After we waved goodbye to Dinky, Derpy welded herself to my side draping a wing over my back as we walked in lockstep toward the Pony Express.

“Derpy,” I said, flicking my head a bit so that the braided feather in my mane was exposed and visible to all. “Luna told me what using a living feather means.”

“Thought she might,” Derpy said, flushing slightly. “I know we haven’t… done anything, and we probably never will, but I just wanted to show you that you’re the best friend I’ve had in a long time.”

“Why do you think I’m showing it off?” I asked Derpy, leaning my head close and again noting the jealous and admiring looks my pegasus was getting. “I’m pretty good at meeting people and getting them to like me, but until I met you I didn’t really have anyone I’d call a ‘best’ friend. Thank you for being that friend.”

“Anytime, James,” Derpy said, and we walked like that the rest of the way to work.

“Good Morning, James,” Discord said as Derpy peeled off to the little office Discord had given her by his own. “Want another easy trip or are you up for something a little more challenging?”

“Does ‘more challenging’ come with a bonus?” I asked, seizing on the opportunity. “I sorta overspent, and I didn’t want to ask you for an advance on my pay, but if you’ve got something that comes with a bonus that would be great.”

“More challenging, eh?” Discord asked, stroking his beard. “There is a run I could have you do, I wasn’t planning to send you on it until later though. But if you think you’re up to the challenge. Well, who am I to stop an ambitious young stallion?”

“Hang on a sec,” I said, sudden caution flaring an alert in my mind. “What makes this run so hard?”

“Multiple deliveries to multiple locations,” Discord said, grinning as he saw my eyes widen. “Plus the most important delivery is to an individual who will almost always be on the move.”

“How long will it take, do you figure?” I asked Discord, trying to work out how I was going to deliver to someone who kept moving around, until I remembered the spell Luna had put on my one shoe.

“Not as long as you thought it would a few moments ago,” Discord said, looking down at my hoof with a raised eyebrow. “However, considering the area involved is large I think four days should do the job. So, do you want the run, or would you prefer something easier?”

“Bring it on,” I said, with my best sneer, smiling up at Discord.

“Alright then, let’s get your packages and get you set up,” Discord said, with an equal smirk back.

We turned and walked toward the departure area and as we entered the cavernous hall I was surprised to see a couple of ponies exit the room through interdimensional portals just like the ones I used.

“Hold on a sec,” I said, feeling an ear flick in annoyance. “I thought the whole point of hiring me away from Earth was because you couldn’t get anyone or anypony who could handle the mindfuck of going to other dimensions.”

“For the most part that still holds true, my intrepid courier,” Discord said, looking pleased with my recollection. “Since you started making runs though we’ve discovered that once a trail is blazed, other ponies can follow in the path of that first pony. We still need you, badly, but it seems we won’t have to overwork you quite as badly as I thought.”

“Wait, you planned to work me into the ground?” I asked, letting a little heat into my voice.

“Well, it was either that or dunk you a few times into Pinkie’s Mirror Pool,” Discord said, while I tried to figure out what a Mirror Pool might be.

“Right,” I said, deciding to let the matter drop. “So, where am I going and how much of a bonus is there going to be?”

With a bit of a flourish Discord pulled a cloth off of a table, revealing two packages and two scrolls. With them was a map which had the words “Imperial Province of Skyrim” written on it. My eyes went a little wide and despite my attempt to keep them under control I could feel my ears flatten themselves against my head.

“I’m guessing you recognize the place?’ Discord asked, his ever present grin welded in place.

“Sure do. Holy crap, boss. Do you know how dangerous that place is?” I asked, my memory bringing up what I knew about my destination.

Like a very large number of people I’d played my fair share of Skyrim. I’d made my way through the questline as a stealth archer and had really enjoyed the game, to the point where I had bought all three DLCs. Even though I’d really played only two of them. I wound up getting so intrigued trying different combinations of things I’d never made my way all the way to the end again. One thing I did know for sure, Skyrim was a place of danger and beauty, especially to an unarmed pony.

“Three of your four deliveries are in towns or cities,” Discord said, oozing confidence in my abilities. “Delphine at the Sleeping Giant, General Tullius in Solitude, the Jarl of Riften and of course, the Dragonborn. One a day shouldn’t be hard for you to pull off.”

“Discord, you’re forgetting that I have to travel between those locations,” I said, in protest. “I’ll have to haul ass to get to those places and there is no way I can make it from one to the other in a day. Two days, if I don’t run into anything I can’t handle, but not one day. On top of that you’re also forgetting the big thing.”

“What’s that?” Discord asked, appearing genuinely surprised at the objections I was raising.

“I have to catch up to or intercept the freaking Dragonborn,” I said, emphasizing the title. “They can fast travel, they aren’t nailed down to a single location, and even with the advantage of the spell Luna gave me in my shoe, they can literally be gone by the time I get to where they were.”

“Okay fine, you win,” Discord said, rolling his eyes. “What do you think you are going to need for this?”

“At least eight to ten days,” I said, thinking rapidly. I’d always avoided Riften as much as I could when I’d played the game, but the other two places I knew well. “Plus, I’m going to need some gold for expenses.”

“What?” Discord asked, and it did my heart good to see I’d surprised him.

“Gold, money, mullah, pesos, yen, the thing what makes the world go round,” I said, in a sing-song voice. “At the least I’m going to need to lay my head down someplace reasonably safe at night, and I don’t intend to forage like an animal even if I am built for it now. That means I need money to buy those things.”

“I want receipts,” Discord said, in protest. “Receipts for everything.”

“Discord,” I said, patiently, because I knew he was only being difficult, “we’re talking Skyrim here. I’d be surprised if ten percent of the people I’m going to run into even know what a receipt is, never mind have any idea or ability to write one. You’re just going to have to trust me.”

“Fine,” Discord said, harrumphing. “Ten days, and a bag of gold coins. But I want each one accounted for.”

“Hey, “ I said, remembering the first batch of gold Discord had paid me with. “None of those chocolate gold coins either, okay? I need to be actually able to spend the money you give me. Besides, why are you so worried? You’re freaking Discord, what do you care about a little gold?”

“I’m not allowed to just make money out of thin air anymore,” Discord said, deflating a bit. “Apparently when you give everyone in Equestria a bag of gold in celebration for Celestia’s birthday you’re ‘causing hyperinflation’ and ‘sowing economic chaos.’ I’m Discord! I’m supposed to be causing a little chaos every so often.”

“I’m sure everyone appreciated the gold,” I said, patting my boss on the side. “Anyway, as soon as you get me some I should be able to get on my way.”

“Where you going?” Derpy asked, coming into the departure area, a stack of papers tucked under one wing.

“Skyrim,” I said, smiling at my best friend. “Looks like I’m going to be gone for at least a week. Can you tell Luna about it so she doesn’t worry about me?”

“James,” Derpy said, handing off the papers to a pony I recognized as working in Requisitions. “Luna is going to worry about you as much as I will. I’m pretty sure she won’t be able to see you in your dreams while you are in other worlds.”

“We’ll just have to take it as it comes,” I said, giving Derpy a quick nuzzle for appearances sake. “Help me get ready?”

“Sure,” Derpy said, and her dextrous wings plucked my four packages off the table, loading them into my saddlebags. As I stood there, another pony came up and fastened the bags around me, heaving the belly strap tight so it wouldn’t slip. I nodded my thanks to the pony just as Derpy slid a couple more things into my bags.

“Some trail rations,” she explained, seeing my questioning look. “Compressed alfalfa with molasses. Just in case you do need to bed down out in the wild, or you can’t secure a meal. You’re a pony, after all. Those people might get a little odd at seeing you looking to buy a meal from them.”

“Good point,” I said. I’d gotten so used to being a pony after the past few weeks that occasionally I forgot how weird it had been in the beginning.

“You should be going with a full field kit,” Derpy said, frowning slightly, which was strange to see on the face of my usually bubbly friend. “Water, fire starting kit, basic medical kit, a good knife, plus a few other things. But we’d have to get you into a full equipment harness to carry all that and I would want one that was made just for you.”

“Next time,” I said to Derpy. “How do you know so much about all that anyway?”

“I’ll tell you one day,” Derpy said, her face shifting from serious to a bit mischievous. “When you get back, we’ll trot over to Rarity’s and get you fitted out for something. I’m sure she’d love to get her hooves on you again.”

“What, and make you jealous?” I said, and Derpy snickered as I teased her lightly.

“All set!” Discord announced, breaking up our little moment and passing me a heavy bag labelled ‘Swag’. “James, whenever you’re ready.” I looked up to see the portal taking shape at the far end of the room with Skyrim’s distinctive downward pointing arrow over the top of it. I suddenly felt a small tickle on the side of my neck and I looked to see Derpy had her nose pressed to the fur underneath my mane deeply inhaling my scent.

“Hey, it’ll be okay,” I said, putting the bottom of my head on the top of hers. “I’ll see you in ten days, tops.”

“Okay,” Derpy said. “But you take even one day longer and I’m coming after you.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I said, smiling as Derpy stepped back and sketched a salute with one grey wing. I tossed one back, spun on my rear hooves and charged forward to plunge toward my next challenge.

Wuld Nah Kest

Author's Note

Here's hoping James doesn't screw up any shouts he runs across. God knows I ran myself off cliffs a few times with Wuld when I thought I had Fus ready to go. The next chapter or two will be dealing with James in Skyrim. Also, ran across this while finishing up the chapter...

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