I think it says something about my mind that a journey between the realms of time and space was becoming routine by now. The once surreal images and concepts that I travelled past were now barely worth my notice, never mind being interesting anymore. On the plus side, it let me put my head down and concentrate on my travelling. I even threw in a couple of loops and rolls just for the hell of it.

So, it was with some surprise that as I neared the obvious and strangely large portal leading toward the realms of Skyrim, a group of nine lights moved to block my path, forcing me to come to a stop. For several moments we just hovered there in space, me and the ring of lights. I tried shifting over to the left, and the lights moved with me. I moved to the right, same thing. Up, down, even looping around, the lights kept blocking me from getting to the portal.

“Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do,” I said out loud with a little frustration. “Hey! Flashlights! What gives?”

“It speaks,” said one of the lights, in a giggling voice.

“It is disrespectful,” said another light, this time in a stern male voice.

“It is a hard worker,” a third voice said, male as well.

“Uh, hello?” I ventured. “You know you can talk to me, right? I’m right here.”

“Quiet, mewling worm,” growled another voice, and my stomach shrank against my spine as something in that growl screamed “predator” at both my human and pony instincts. “We are discussing your fate.”

“My fate?” I asked, ignoring both my instincts and the order to be quiet. “Hey, if my fate is being discussed here I think I should have a say in it.”

“QUIET!” that same predatory voice said, in a thunder that shook all around me. “YOU SHALL BE SILENT.”

A glow of magic appeared around me, blinding me with its light, and when it went away I saw two things right away. First, I had been very thoroughly muzzled. There were openings for my ears, eyes, and nostrils in the device wrapped around my head and nothing else. Second, I was no longer floating in mid-space. I was instead standing on the palm of a dragon’s paw.

I followed the paw to the wrist, then the leg, up the body and to the head of the massive dragon who now towered over me. Arrayed around us, in a loose circle, were eight human-like beings bursting with power and light in the entire spectrum. They were all looking down at me, and I almost wet myself as I clued in and realized who they were.

They were the nine Divines of the Elder Scrolls canon. Gods, or at least deathless beings who were so powerful as to be no different than gods, and I had pissed them off. I didn’t even bother trying to get the muzzle off or getting around it. If they wanted me to be quiet there was no way I had any chance of stopping them. There are other ways to communicate though, and I bowed in the pony fashion, as deeply as I could to the dragon who held me in his paw.

“Hmm,” Akatosh, Dragon God of Time, and ruler of the Divines growled, “it seems the creature is not entirely devoid of sense or courtesy. I will allow you to listen to our deliberations as to whether we should blot out your existence or not.” I bowed again to Akatosh and sat down as respectfully as I could.

As God of Time,” Akatosh continued, to those around him. “I am in favour of the creature’s death. His travels are an affront to time’s ordered pace across all of Creation. “

“He is merely doing his job,” said a male voice from before. “I, Zenithar, say he should be spared. He is a hard worker, and should be allowed to continue in his work.”

“He has been touched by both love and affection,” said a melodic, female voice. “I, Dibella, say that his song should not end here and now. He has much music to bring to the universe yet.”

“He breaks convention, and the order of things. His mere existence rewrites what has been and what should be,” a male figure holding a book said. “I, Julianos, say that the creature’s affront to order and logic should end here. He is not even a mage.”

The score was tied two for two, with five of the Divines to go. I could only hope that Akatosh would follow a majority view, as it was obvious anything else would result in the paw around me closing shut.

“I have no particular issue with what this creature has done, but all things have their time and there can be few ends as good as being directly destroyed by your will, Father,” said a giant man with a spinning wheel above one of his hands. “I, Arkay, say that this creature should find his final rest here, but let it be done painlessly, and with honor.”

“He runs and flies, without wings. Even the dragons use wings when they leave the ground,” an airy blue haired woman said. “I, Kynareth, say that he should die. What he does is an abomination.”

Two to four, with three to go. Unless all of the remaining three were on my side, things were not looking good for this little pony.

“He is a man. Or at least he carries the soul of Men within him,” a stocky man said, plainly. “For that alone, I, Talos, say that he should live. There are other reasons this one has favor in my eyes, but his humanity alone is sufficient.”

“It is not fair that he has not been given the chance to speak in his defence,” another man said, firmly. “I, Stendarr, vote for mercy and say that due to this miscarriage in justice he should go free, with our blessings.”

The score was tied, and I pummeled my brain trying to remember who was left. I looked up only to see the last of the titanic figures shrinking down toward me, becoming human sized. A moment later a motherly figure stood before me, and the woman reached out and stroked the side of the device that clamped my mouth shut.

“Such fear, but bravery too,” the woman said. “You have both the power and the arrogance of the young. So many possibilities lie before you. Do you know who I am, pony who is a person?” I shook my head, unable to speak still.

“It seems our tribunal is tied,” the woman said. “Akatosh, as mine is the final vote, I ask that his fate be mine to decide and shape as I see fit. Do you accept this?”

“As we are tied, I grant you this judgement,” Akatosh growled. “But know that this shall not always be so, Mara”

“Thank you, noble Akatosh,” Mara said, and a bolt of realization ran through me. Mara was the Mother-Goddess of the pantheon, not to mention she ruled over love, fertility and compassion. If there was any one of the Divines I could count on, it would be her. It seemed pretty darn likely I was going to die another day.

“Ah, you know who I am now?” Mara asked, a smile on her face and I bowed low, rubbing my nose against her sandaled foot. It certainly couldn’t hurt to suck up a bit.

“Such reverence, or is it thanks?” Mara asked, and I bounced my head back and forth to show that it was a little of both. “James, you have forgotten something. I have yet to say whether I will spare your life or not.”

Fear went through me as I realized she hadn’t. I’d merely assumed she was going to. In reaction I tried to step back, and Mara reached out an easy hand to grab me by my collar. She sat herself down, cross-legged and dragged my head and body down into her lap with no effort at all. I lay across one of her legs, with my head and neck held in place by her hand on my muzzle and collar. I was at her complete and total mercy.

“I could kill you now,” Mara said, running her free hand down my neck and across my body. “I promise that you will feel nothing but the joy of being held by your very own mother in your final moments. I would even be willing to carry word to her of your fate, if you ask it of me.” I tried to shake my head in negation but her hold on me was absolute, and I felt Mara’s free hand wrap around my windpipe. Not squeezing, but enough that I knew it was there.

“I have already decided what I’m going to do with you though,” Mara said, looking down at me and I did my best to plead to her with my eyes. “I will spare you, but only if you obey my next commands without hesitation. Try to resist, even for a moment, and your end will come.”

There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t even move my head to show my acceptance or denial. I felt the hand on my throat shift to a spot that would allow Mara to crush my windpipe in an instant if she chose.

“Say nothing, and open your mouth,” Mara said, releasing her hand from my collar and muzzle, as she did so the muzzle disappeared and I opened my mouth as wide as I could. A ball of light appeared in her hand, and it moved toward my mouth.

“Swallow,” Mara commanded.

I closed my mouth around the sphere and did my best to gulp it down. It burned like a ball soaked in peppermint, with a core of Carolina Reaper sauce that someone had set on fire with an arc welder, and my lungs and throat went into automatic spasm. I felt Mara’s hand move on my throat and I thought I was done, until I realized she was stroking my throat, working my swallowing muscles for me.

With a final, quivering gasp, the ball of power passed through my throat and into my belly. From there a warm glow spread to my extremities and settled into my groin in particular. I looked up at Mara, shaping my expression into the best, “Are you kidding me?” I could make.

“Oh, the look on your face,” Mara said, laughing a little and taking her hand from my throat. “You have obeyed my command and passed my trial. You shall live, little pony. More, I grant you and yours passage to Nirn.” She looked at me expectantly. I said nothing.

“Ah, my apologies,” Mara said, stroking my body and ruffling my mane a bit. “You may speak now.” I didn’t move, but I did get the sense of the other gods moving away from us.

“Um, thank you for not killing me?” I half-said, half-asked. “Am I allowed to know what you’ve done to me?” Mara laughed, and then did something I hadn’t expected. She lifted me up and hugged me to her very ample chest. I’m talking Oktoberfest beer waitress in a corset ample, and for the first time in forever, I didn’t feel myself start to react to a type of sexual contact. Not even when she kissed me on the brow.

“I’ve put a portion of my essence in you,” Mara said, holding me close and I swear to Celestia it felt like she was treating me like a stuffed animal. “You’ve likely already noticed that its given you a little more control over your fertility, and it will help you during your trials to come.”

“Trials?” I asked, feeling Mara’s head resting on top of my own. “I thought I passed?”

“Ours? Oh, yes,” Mara said, running a hand through my tail and curling it around so I could see the green streak now in it. “In fact, you were never in any real danger. But we were not happy to see someone intruding on our realm without even an attempt to ask for permission, plus we had our own purposes for what we did.”

“So, the whole thing was a trick to get me to eat that ball?” I asked, noticing the green streak and stomping on my anger as best I could. “I could have refused it?”

“Of course you could have. We would never interfere with your free will,” Mara said, smiling down at me. “I would have made sure that your death was as painless as possible.”

“B-but you said I was allowed to refuse to eat the ball if I had wanted to,” I sputtered, confused and a bit scared.

“I never said that you wouldn’t suffer consequences if you refused,” Mara said, tapping my nose. “Your soul would have safely made it to its rest. As I said, you were never in real danger.” I gulped as I realized my definition of danger and Mara’s were vastly different.

“So, um… Can I go now?” I asked, wanting to get the hell out of there before I had a bunch of side quests dumped on me, or before Mara and company decided to force me into another choice that wasn’t one.

“So impatient to be on your way. You have willingly taken a portion of our power into you. We now have a degree of dominion over you, and may ask certain tasks of you in the future,” Mara laughed, setting me onto my hooves in front of her, and I saw that we were now sitting in a grassy field with the entry portal to Skyrim at one end. “So yes, bold pony, you may be on your way, but a word of caution. While you are in our realm, you will do our bidding as well as that of those who sent you.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Thank you, Ma’am” I said, bowing low to the goddess again, and wondering how side quest screwed I was. “Thank you for all your help.”

“You’re welcome. Oh, one last thing,” Mara said, catching me just as I was turning to go. “There will come a time in your future, when you will have a particular need of me. Call my name, and the Diarchs willing, I will come.”

“Why would you do that for me?” I asked, puzzled. The gods of the Elder Scrolls loved to screw with mortals, as they had just demonstrated. Offering help in time of need out of the goodness of their hearts was almost unheard of.

“Because, it is my nature,” Mara said, turning me firmly towards the portal and whispering in my ear, “and because I watch over all mothers.” Before I had a chance to question that, she grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and the top of my hips and tossed me through the portal.

There was the usual sudden pressure feeling around me that I felt after crossing through a portal, and I saw rocky ground hurtling up at me. I’d practiced my landings after a couple or bad touchdowns had wound up embarrassing the crap out of me, and leaving some really interesting bruises. This time however, I landed with my hooves on the ground. Which would have worked fine, if it hadn’t of been for the extra forward momentum Mara had given me.

I managed to eat up most of the momentum by pinwheeling my legs, but I just didn’t have enough time or space to finish the job and I wound up doing a standing face plant into a wall of rock. Thank god, Skyrim wasn’t one of those cartoony worlds or I’m more than sure there would have been a giant sign with “Splat!” over my head.

“Nice cliff, soft cliff,” I said, into the stone before slowly peeling my sore muzzle away from the rock wall. I took a few moments to look around me and try to get my bearings. I was in an area with rocky ground, but relatively fair amounts of vegetation. Birds chirped around me, bugs hummed and I saw a few butterflies nearby.

Best of all I was on a rough stone pathway that was leading down from a cave further up the hillside from where I had emerged. I could scarcely believe my luck. If I was right the cave at the top of the path was the one that came out of Helgen. Which would make this the path that led to Riverwood and the tavern there that Delphine ran, in her guise of a common innkeeper.

I started down the pathway, and as I went it became more and more paved, even as the bushes grew a little more common. I rounded a corner and found myself looking at a round platform, overlooking the nearby lake and decorated with three standing stones.

“Hot damn!” I yelled out and went forward to have a look at the stones. As I had expected they were the three standing stones for mage, warrior and rogue. Most importantly their presence meant I was on the right track, which was a good thing as I noticed how low the sun was on the horizon. I did not want to be outside of a town come nightfall.

I trotted along, and as expected the path alongside the river became a small cobblestone like road. I made good time, stopping only to briefly examine the bodies of a pair of long, lean wolves that lay to one side of the road. The Dragonborn had been this way, that was for certain, remembering the trail of corpses I left behind me when playing the game. I picked up my pace only to slow down to barely nothing as I saw the small campsite with soldiers just outside the gate to Riverwood.

Damn. Soldiers there meant the Dragonborn had already come and gone through the place and started his, or her, quest to rid Skyrim of dragons. Oh well, if I was lucky he hadn’t taken Delphine yet on her mission to rebuild the Blades.

“Hey, what have we here?” a soldier asked, getting up from his tent and heading towards me. “Looks like one of the villagers lost a pony. Come here, pony. I won’t hurt you.”

“I’m not lost,” I said, watching the soldier jerk with satisfaction. “But thank you for your concern. How safe are the roads?”

“By the Divines,” the guard swore, and his hand fell automatically to his sword. “What sort of creature are you? What are your intentions?”

“I come in peace, faithful guardsman,” I said, trying to reassure the guy, who was just doing his job after all. “I’m what I appear to be. A pony. I’m a courier, on my way to deliver items.”

“I’ve never heard of a talking pony before,” another guard said, walking through the gate from the village. “Maybe it’s one of the locals playing a trick on us?”

“Guys,” I said, sighing. “You have cat people, lizard people, orcs, at least two kinds of elves, on top of four different flavours of human. You’re seriously trying to tell me you have problems with a talking pony?”

“Well, when you put it that way,” the new guard said. “Okay then, keep the peace and be on your way.”

“Yes sir,” I said, stepping through the gates into Riverwood proper and the sounds and smells of the village came to me. A strong man was bent over an open forge nearby, I could hear the hammering from his shop, smell the forge smoke. Beyond that, from the nearby river, came the steady sound of sawing and I could just make out one end of a crude sawmill. The man at the forge laid aside what he had been working on, and I saw him start hanging his tools up on a nearby rack.

“Hello,” I said, stepping up to the blacksmith. “Alvor, isn’t it?”

“Yes, what can I…” Alvor began, his eyes went wide as he noticed me. “What in Talos’ name are you?”

“I’m a courier,” I said, nodding respectfully to Alvor. “I’ve got a delivery for Hadvar’s friend and one for Delphine, who I believe runs the inn here?”

“Hadvar’s friend?” Alvor asked. “Oh, you mean the stranger. Yes, you missed them by a few days. I told them to head down to Whiterun to see the Jarl. The next day the Whiterun Guard was here to help keep things safe.”

“What about Delphine, is she still in town?” I asked, and I noticed the sun was setting. I’d cut my arrival almost too close for safety’s sake.

“Oh, she’s where she’s always been, running the Sleeping Giant,” Alvor said, standing up as he put away the last of his tools. “Orgnar is a good sort, but I’m not sure he could run the place if she wasn’t around.”

“Well, thank you very much,” I said, and then an idea hit me. “Say, would there be any chance of me being able to get a meal and a place to sleep from you? I can pay.”

“Why don’t you want to stay at the inn?” Alvor asked, looking at me with a good bit of suspicion in his eyes.

“I’m a pony,” I said, looking up at him. “I’m unusual and strange, and while I do want to get my job done I would honestly feel safer around a family than a bunch of random strangers.”

“That makes a fair bit of sense,” Alvor said, rubbing his chin, “and my little Dorthe would love to see you. Maybe a little more than that if it’s okay with you.”

“As long as I don’t wake up with my tail braided… again,” I said, extending my hoof. “Do we have a bargain, sir?”

“We do,” Alvor said, shaking my hoof. “Don’t worry about payment, whatever you feel like in the morning will do fine.”

“Sounds good, when should I come by for dinner?” I asked, pleased that I’d been able to contract a safer place to stay than a room in an inn. There was no way I was going to be in any danger sleeping in a house with a small girl in it. Well aside from the danger of being treated like a stuffed animal that is.

“Sigrid probably already has dinner going,” Alvor said, stepping down from the forge area, as I followed him. “But she always gives me time to get an ale from the inn before I eat.”

“That sounds great,” I said, noticing I was gathering a few looks. “I can make my delivery there and then we can come back for dinner.”

“You can go over to the inn on your own,” Alvor said, pausing at his door. “I need to let Sigrid know we’re having company for dinner and overnight. Anything in particular she needs to know about your food? We’ve got some hay around.”

“Whatever you're having for dinner should be fine,” I said, chuckling slightly. “I’m not big on tons of meat, but other than that I’m okay with anything your wife has ready to go.”

“Sounds good,” Alvor said, opening his door to go in. “We’ll see you in a bit.”

I nodded my understanding and headed over toward the Sleeping Giant Inn. More than a few people were headed toward the large porch with it’s entrance door, and I gathered a few looks. Surprisingly, little else though. Making my way inside, the place was far, far busier than it ever was in the game, and it reminded me forcibly that I wasn’t playing the game. I was actually in Skyrim.

“Hello, is Delphine around?” I asked to the huge man behind the counter, when I finally got to have my turn in front.

“What the hell are you,” Orgnar asked, staring down at me.

“I’m a courier,” I said, and I began to hear several mutters of surprise behind me. “I’ve got a delivery for Delphine, is she here?”

“Over here,” Delphine said, coming out of a room. “I’m Delphine, you have a delivery for me?”

“Yes Ma’am,” I said, walking towards her, ignoring the staring crowd around me.

“In here please, I don’t want everyone to see my mail,” Delphine said, opening the door to the room for me and I walked in.

“Where should I p-erk,” I gurgled as something wrapped around my throat cutting off my air. Through the roaring in my ears I heard the door shut behind me.

“What are you and what are you doing here?” Delphine hissed in my ear, and the garrote she had around my neck loosened just enough for me to suck in a breath.

“Courier,” I gasped, trying to pull in more air. “Package. Left saddlebag.” The line around my neck loosened off a little more and I was dragged over to the bed in the room. Delphine tied my neck to the foot-board, rendering me barely able to move and she went through the saddlebag, heavy gloves on her hands.

“Package indeed,” she said, pulling out what looked like a small book wrapped in paper and studying the label. “Delphine, Riverwood.”

“See?” I asked, trying to gain a little more slack in the line. “I’m just here to make a delivery.”

“Not so fast,” Delphine said, crouching down in front of me and pulling out a wicked looking knife from a fold in her dress. “Who sent this?”

“Just the courier,” I said, managing to find a spot where I could breathe. “Do you do this to everyone who brings you a package?”

“Just the ones wearing a form I’ve never seen in my life,” Delphine said, pressing the knife to a spot just under the point of my jaw. “You know more than you’re saying.”

“Look,” I said, caught between the point of the knife and the tightness of the cord around my neck. “I’m a courier. Yes, I know where the package is from but you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me,” Delphine said, lowering the knife an inch. “Just so you know, I’ll be able to tell if you’re lying.”

“Oookay then,” I said, hoping she could handle the truth. “I’m a transformed human from an alternate dimension working for a Spirit of Chaos who has resolved to send things to people in other worlds so as to make life more interesting in the universe.”

I stopped, having to breathe and having said my piece. Delphine’s face was just a few inches from mine and she stared into my eyes trying to determine if what I said was true. I stared right back, up until the moment there was a burst of pressure and a snapping sound. The strangling cord fell away, and I took my first deep breath in minutes.

“That has got to be the second craziest story I’ve ever heard,” she said, helping me stand up. “But I believe you. Sorry about the rough treatment, but you wouldn’t believe how dangerous being an inn owner can be.”

“No worries,” I said, rubbing my throat. “What convinced you?”

“Other than the fact that you’re the first talking horse I’ve ever seen in Tamriel?” Delphine asked, to which I nodded. “There’s also the fact that no one would invent something like that just to bring me a package.”

“Well, thanks for not killing me,” I said, pointedly not looking at the wardrobe against the wall that I knew would slide out. “I appreciate it.”

“You know a lot more than you’re telling, aren’t you?” Delphine said, and I knew she was trying to decide if she should kill me on the spot to keep herself safe.

“Yes, and just like I kept things from you, I’ll keep things from other people,” I said, and I saw her relax a bit.

“I can’t ask anymore than that,” Delphine said, shaking her head. “Sorry. Let me make it up to you. Some coins for your troubles.” She pulled a small bag that clinked heavily from a spot by her bed.

“Thank you,” I said, stashing the bag alongside Discord’s. A few moments later I was leaving the inn and I swear every eye in the room was on me.

“What are you all staring at?” Delphine asked in a loud voice behind me. “Never see a special courier before? Fast as anything.”

I chuckled to myself as I left the inn. Delphine, bless her, was normalizing my appearance by calling me a ‘special courier.’ The only problem would be if someone decided that I was worth robbing. Hopefully I would be able to outrun anything that came after me. I was still wondering about that as I retraced my steps and knocked on Alvor’s door.

“Ah, it’s the little courier,” Alvor said, Nord hospitality to the fore as he opened the door and looked down at me. “Come in friend.”

“Thank you for your hospitality,” I said, then I saw a tall red-haired woman setting places at the table. “You must be Sigrid, thank you for taking in a weary traveller.”

“Think nothing of it,” Sigrid said, but I could see my courtesy pleased her. “When my husband told me that we would be guesting a courier, I didn’t truly believe him when—”

“A pony!” a little girl shouted, tackling me and I hung on for dear life while the girl did a great imitation of an anaconda. “You got me a pony! I’ll be so good to him. I’ll feed him and take him for walks and brush him every day… ”

“Dorthe—” Alvor tried to interject.

“... and water him and change his bedding and… ” Dorthe kept on with all the ways she was going to take care of me.

“Dorthe—” Sigrid said, trying to get a word in edgewise.

“Oh, and just wait until I show Frodnar!” Dorthe boasted, and I could see her parents exchange a worried glance, trying to figure out how they were going to pry their daughter off of me.

“Hi there,” I said, deciding to take a hoof in matters, and Dorthe let go of me, stumbling back in shock.

“He TALKS!” Dorthe shouted, followed by a delighted gasp so deep I was worried about the oxygen level in the room. Alvor, seeing his chance, swooped in and scooped his daughter up into his arms.

“You are the best father ever!” Dorthe squealed, hugging her father so hard I thought his eyeballs were going to pop out. Sigrid rolled her eyes in exasperation and shrugged at me. I smiled back to let her know I was fine and no harm was done. It shouldn’t take long to convince the little girl that I wasn’t some incredible pet her father had gotten for her, right?

Right?

Author's Note

Okay, confession time. I've never played Morrowind or Oblivion. I played Arena when it came out, and was impressed with how big the world was. I played Daggerfall, and absolutely loved the ability make my own spells. Skyrim, I played the holy hell out of, grabbing all three DLCs for my XBox and really enjoying all the different ways to play.

ESO, I loved until they nerfed the crap out of AoE spells.

I realize that my interpretation of the gods of the Elder Scrolls might not be exactly according to canon but I'm running with my impression of them from my gameplay

Raise your mugs to my suffering editors : Sandstorm94 and Coyotethetrickster. Fill their cups, with ale or wine or beer...

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