I opened the door to my apartment, fumbling with my keys as I did. The heat of the paper bag I was carrying threatened to turn my fingers into barely cooked sausages. Getting takeout had seemed like a good idea at the time, particularly with a loaded bank account. Sometime in the next few hours, my boss was going to be showing up to take me off to my first shift and I didn’t want to deal with cooking or the mess.

“Dammit,” slipped out of my lips as I dropped the bag. Moving quickly, I stuck out my foot and intercepted the bag before it hit the floor. The bag hit the top of my foot, and robbed of its momentum, toppled gently to one side to land on the floor. Not gently enough though, as the only container of my beloved sweet and sour pork fell out, the lid popping off as it spilled its contents across my cheap tile floor.

“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about burning my hands anymore,” I said to no one in particular, tossing my keys at the kitchen counter and looking at the ruin of my meat dish with a sigh. Scooping up the bag, I put the surviving food onto my kitchen counter and busied myself cleaning up the spreading red mess of sweet and sour sauce. Dumping the remains into the trash, I pulled out the two remaining intact containers, and was just opening them up when I heard a hollow knocking sound.

I looked at my now closed front door, but the knocking didn’t come from that direction. The knocking came again and I swiveled my head around, tracing the sound, and as the knock repeated a third time, my eyes tracked to the sliding glass door leading to my tiny third floor balcony. Standing there with a smile on her face was Derpy, in her grey pegasus form, a hoof still raised where she had gently been rapping against the glass.

“Holy crap,” I said, sliding open the door. “C’mon in, Derpy. How long have you been out there for?”

“Just a few minutes,” Derpy said, with a little giggle. “Remember, I’ve been flying high cover for you all day.” I stepped aside as she trotted in, my vantage point letting me see the seam of the long cut she had taken on my behalf earlier that day.

“You,” I said, pointing at Derpy and freezing her in her tracks. “You’re hurt. On the couch, now.” Derpy looked a little hurt at my raised voice.

“No giving me sad looks,” I said, recognizing the puppy dog look for the ploy it was. “You got that cut defending me. The least I can do is make sure you’re patched up before Discord gets here.” Derpy stopped giving looks that threatened my blood sugar and switched to something more low-cal as she went over to the couch and perched herself on a cushion.

“Okay,” she said, “it’s not bad though, sure it’s still bleeding a bit but...”

“No arguing,” I said, rummaging through my kitchen cabinet for my first-aid kit. “My folks taught me that you always help your friends whenever you can, so let me help. You like noodles or cooked vegetables?”

“Well, they aren’t muffins,” Derpy said, flashing that adorable smile again. “But if you’re offering, I am kinda hungry.”

“Ha!” I shouted in triumph, as I found my medical kit and pulled it out, placing it on the kitchen counter. While my co-worker watched, I split my surviving food into two bowls and brought them with the medical kit over to the couch. Derpy lay down across the couch to eat and I realized that without an end table of any kind, things were going to be kind of awkward. I’d have to lay everything on the floor while I worked on her or run the risk of knocking something over as I did. Derpy saw my indecision and came to my rescue again.

“Why don’t you sit on the couch and I’ll just lay across your...lap,” she said, clearly not completely familiar with human anatomy, but she figured out why I started to hesitate when she saw my cheeks heating. “Hey, it’s okay. No need to be embarrassed, I mean it’s not like we’re the same species or anything.”

“Okay...fine, but don’t get upset if something should...ah...come up,” I said, sitting on the couch as a giggling Derpy made some room for me. I put her bowl of food on my left, and my bowl and the medkit on my right, then patted my lap “Alright, lie down and try not to squish anything important, okay.”

I have to hand it to the pony, she could move delicately when she wanted to and she stepped over me with a gentle grace. I caught the faint scent of vanilla as her mane passed my nose and she stood over and across my lap. She then lowered herself, stretching out her length as her barrel became a warm weight in my lap.

“You okay?” Derpy asked me, her head swiveling back to look at me with concern.

“Ya, I’m good,” I said, and I leaned forward over her spine to look at the cut she had taken from the muggers in the alley.

Her wound was both better and worse than I thought it would be. The slash stretched along nearly the entire length of her barrel, from just before her front shoulder it drew an angry line along her flesh, almost all the way to her hip and I could tell we had been very, very, lucky. The cut traced over what were likely several vital areas and had it been deeper Derpy could have bled out in that alleyway. As it was, I could tell the cut had been re-opening whenever Derpy had moved, likely whenever she flew.

“Say, I’ve got a question for you,” I said, breaking open the medical kit and retrieving some antiseptic wipes, while Derpy set her food between her front hooves.

“Mmm?” Derpy asked, with her muzzle half-buried in the savory goodness of vegetables and noodles.

“This may sting a bit by the way,” I said to her, as I ripped open the pack of wipes. “You were flying all over town today. You aren’t human and you obviously aren’t a drone or a plane. How come nobody saw you and freaked out?” I started cleaning out the cut along its length being careful to make sure I got the disinfectant into the cut itself. As I expected, Derpy suddenly raised her head from her food bowl, hissing in pain. She turned her head to look at me, reproach plain on her face.

“Hey, I warned you,” I said, not stopping my work even though I could feel her muscles bunching and quivering on my thighs. Derpy swallowed her mouthful of food and I could tell she was controlling an impulse to either run away or give me a good wack.

“You humans don’t look up much,” Derpy said, scrunching up her face as she closed her eyes and lowered her head to the cushion, food forgotten. “And even if you do, by the time one of you realize I’m not a bird I’m usually out of sight.” I finished cleaning the long wound and took the chance to rub her ears and lightly stroke her back in an attempt to make her feel a little better. My efforts met with success as she hummed with pleasure and I could feel her muscles begin to relax.

“Sorry about that,” I apologized to her. “I had to make sure the whole thing was clean.” I kept up with the ear rubbing with my left hand even as my right fished some gauze out from the kit.

“It’s okay,” Derpy said, her voice a little dreamy sounding and I felt her relaxing even more. “It just surprised me with how hard you had to rub in there.” Her breathing began to fall into a steady rhythm.

“Hey,” I said, stopping my ear rubs, “don’t fall asleep on me now.” I laid a long strip of gauze along the wound, measuring it against the length it had to cover as Derpy lifted her head back up.

“Hmm?” she asked, then shook her head. “Wow, you’re good at that. Are you all done?” She bent her head back into her bowl of food taking small bites.

“Not quite,” I said, and Derpy’s head shot up, eyes widening.

“Easy,” I said, running a hand down the back of her neck. “I just need to find a way to keep this gauze from flopping around. It won’t hurt at all, but is it okay if I just wrap a bandage around you?”

“Should be,” Derpy said, lifting her body a bit, as she bent her head back down to concentrate on her food.

“You got lucky,” I said, rolling a big stretchy bandage around her. “A little deeper and things could have been pretty bad. Derpy gave a little “whoof” of air each time I snugged the wrap after I passed it underneath her, but otherwise she did her best to ignore me while inhaling her food. I guess flying is pretty energy intensive, because she managed to polish off the last of her food about the same time I finished wrapping the bandage around her.

“That feels pretty good,” Derpy said, flexing her wings slightly. It seemed she knew better than to actually extend them while she was in my lap, otherwise I would have gotten a face full of feathers. “I can still move my wings too, thanks.”

“No worries, but you should take it easy for a bit,” I said to her. “A cut that big really should be stitched up, which is more than I can do. Seeing as I can’t exactly take my pegasus coworker into the hospital, you’ll just have to take it easy for a few hours and give that cut a chance to start closing on its own.” I put the last of the medical supplies back into my kit and grabbed my now cold food. Cold chinese takeout is still good chinese takeout though, and I started slurping down noodles and veggies with as much vigor as Derpy had.

Derpy just nudged her now empty bowl to the end of the couch, and proceeded to snuggle a little more against me, closing her eyes. A few minutes later I finished my own bowl of food and laid it as far as I could reach to the other side. Derpy barely stirred at my movements, her eyes closed, her breathing deep and regular. The food and the late afternoon sun combined to relax me, the sleeping pegasus a pleasantly warm weight in my lap and against my body, as I felt my own eyelids growing heavy.

My last conscious thoughts were of how comfortable the couch was when you had someone to share it with.

“Well, this is something I certainly didn’t expect to see,” a voice said, waking me as the light turned on. I blinked, rubbing sleep out of my eyes to see the form of my boss, Mr. Discord, standing in my apartment. The light of the setting sun backlit him, shadowing his features slightly. Derpy was snoring lightly, still sprawled across my lap, still soundly asleep.

“Um, it isn’t what it looks like,” I said in protest, nudging Derpy between her wing roots in an attempt to wake her. She moaned a bit and kicked a rear leg out, hoof twitching.

“Oh really,” Discord said, a grin lighting his face.

“She fell asleep, and I didn’t want to wake her,” I said, rubbing my hand back and forth in the same spot. Derpy didn’t wake, but instead gave a throaty moan that had my eyebrows climbing up to my scalp.

“You know,” Discord said, snickering, “the area between a pegasi’s wing roots is a highly erogenous area.” I swear my eyes must have been the size of teacups, they bulged out so hard, and I lifted my hands up and away from Derpy’s body.

“Um, how do I wake her up then?” I asked, barely daring to move. The last thing I needed was to accused of impropriety on my first day.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’ll wake her for you,” Discord said. He stepped forward and then frowned, kneeling and gently reaching out to touch the bandage I’d wrapped around Derpy. “What’s this?”

“We ran into some trouble earlier today,” I said, as Derpy rolled a bit in her sleep, presenting her belly toward Discord and grinding her back against me. “She got cut pretty good, but it should be okay.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Discord said, and I could hear the displeased growl in his voice. He snapped his fingers and the bandage fell away from Derpy, seemingly of its own accord. The gauze still lay against Derpy’s body and was stained in places where it had absorbed bits of blood, but wasn’t soaked through and overall was in good shape.

“How did you do that?’ I asked, marvelling as I noticed Discord had changed to his mismatched body pieces form.

“Magic,” Discord said, and with a wave of his paw the gauze was lifted away to reveal the cut. Now that there had been a couple of hours of time for it to heal, the wound looked to have scabbed over completely, and Discord nodded in satisfaction. “You did a nice job on her. I think we’ll just let it heal on it’s own from here.”

“Thanks,” I said, smiling. “So, what’s a good way to wake up a pegasus?”

“Same way you would with a human,” Discord said, putting a paw on her front shoulder and shaking. “Time to get up, Derpy. We need to be heading for home.” Derpy blinked and stretched, her body movements making for some...interesting sensations in my lap, which I fought down.

“Oh, hi Discord,” Derpy said, cheerfully and completely at ease where she was. I, on the other hand, was quickly becoming a nervous wreck. Before, I’d been too worried about Derpy’s wound or food to take notice of what she was laying across.

“Good evening, Derpy,” Discord said. “Why don’t you get off the lad and let’s get things going here.”

“Okay, boss,” she said, standing up carefully and jumping off the couch. She didn’t seem to notice my sigh of relief, but Discord shot me a knowing smirk. He sat down on the couch beside me and pulled up a small table that hadn’t existed before.

“How did you do that?” I asked, then realized I was sounding like a broken record, I held up a hand as I answered my own question. “Wait, magic right?” Discord smiled at me like a teacher looking down on a favored pupil.

“Right, and you’re taking it all in stride,” he said, and I could tell he was very pleased with himself. “That ability to just accept things and go with them is part of the reason you passed your test. Also, I usually don’t use this much magic in a realm outside of Equestria, but I won’t be here much longer.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding to him. “What’s next?”

“Next, I have to give you one last chance to back out,” Discord said. “I won’t lie, we need somepony like you. But we aren’t going to kidnap you and haul you off to Equestria against your will either. So, are you still in?” I pursed my lips, leaned back and thought for a minute, looking around my apartment as I did. All around me was second hand everything, the items of someone who was just another cog in the wheel. Just another drone marking out their time from birth to the grave. Screw that, I was going to do things, things that would be remembered.

“I’m in,” I said. “So go ahead, zap me with the mojo.”

“Oh ho ho,” Discord laughed, with a smile. “It doesn’t work quite like that. Do you remember what Derpy was wearing the first time you saw her?”

“Ya,” I said, with a bit of a frown, “she was wearing a choker or something.”

“A collar, to be exact,” Discord said, drawing a rolled strip of leather out from a pocket or something. “This one, is yours.” I picked it up and looked at it. It was exactly what Discord said it was, a collar. A black leather strap with a buckle on one end, holes on the other, its smooth length only broken by a black and white yin-yang medallion of two winged unicorns chasing each other, nose to tail.

“Seriously?” I asked Discord. “You seriously expect me to wear a collar, like some kind of animal?”

“Well, you are some kind of animal, aren’t you?” Discord said, “Besides, a collar is practical, goes on easily and your neck is one of the parts that will change the least in size.”

“Which reminds me,” I said, shooting at a look at Derpy. “What about...you know.” I gestured toward my lap.

“Not to worry,” Discord said with a laugh. “You’ll be a fully functional stallion in Equestria. Unless you would rather be a mare that is. I can arrange that.”

“No, no,” I said, quickly. “Being a stallion is fine.” I quickly unrolled the collar and lifted it to my neck.

“Whoa, hold on there,” Discord said, holding up a paw. “What about your clothes?”

“My clothes?” I asked, not having a clue what he was going on about.

“Why yes, your clothes, your garments, your outer covers, your layers, your—” Discord said, rambling.

“Yes, my clothes,” I said, interrupting. “What about them?”

“Aren’t you going to take them off?” Discord asked, gesturing up and down my body. “Most of them will be ruined if you don’t, and those that aren’t will just slow you down.”

“Um,” I said, embarrassed, and then I looked around realizing I was sharing the room with a pegasus and a...whatever Discord was. Like Derpy said, we weren’t even the same species. So, I nodded, got up and began to shuck my clothes, including my boxers.

“Right, here we go,” I said, and I buckled the collar so that it was skin tight against my neck. Nothing happened. Nothing at all. “Um...is anything supposed to hap—”, I said, just as the biggest muscle cramp I had felt in my entire life struck, doubling me over.

“James!” I could hear Derpy cry out, concern and worry colouring her voice. “Discord, do something, it isn’t supposed to hurt him.”

“James,” Discord said quietly, touching my shoulder. “Breathe, relax. You have to accept the magic, let it flow through you and let a little chaos into your life. It hurts because you’re fighting it.” I grunted explosively as I curled over my belly, trying to nod my understanding. “Derpy, come here.” Over the sound of the grunts that were now my breathing. I could hear the clop of her hooves.

“Stand by his face, flapping your wings every few seconds in a steady rhythm,” Discord told her. She did, and every three or four seconds I could feel a cool wash of air blow past me.

“S-Sorry,” I gasped out, trying to relax. I could feel the power in the collar coiling in my body from neck to nethers. A warm, crunching feeling that was trying to pull every part of me into it. The cool air going over my body every few seconds was helping but it wasn’t enough.

“Feel the wind, from your friend,” Discord said, rhythmically. “Derpy is your friend, you trust her and you know she is here to help you. Just breathe with her.” My breath started to match the rhythm of the wing beats and I slowly felt myself beginning to unclench. “Yes, that’s it. Keep going, James.” Discord was right, the more I let myself flow with the air washing over me, the more my muscles unclenched and the less it hurt. I still couldn’t unbend myself, but the pain was rapidly fading away and that warm feeling in my gut began to spread through my body, relaxing and easing my muscles.

“Thanks,” I said, breathing easier but still laying on my side, as a new tingling sensation began to run down my spine, all the way down to my tailbone.

“My fault,” Discord admitted, face sad. “You’re the first non-Equestrian I’ve done this with. I’ll get it better in the next version, I promise, but in the meantime just keep relaxing.” I nodded and lay still, the tingling sensation down my back growing and spreading. I felt it spread over my front and looking down I saw what was causing the sensation.

I was growing fur all over my body. As I lay there and watched, a slow but steady tide of rich brown fur began to cover my skin. I held my arm in front of my face, watching the fur advance and I rubbed my arms together, savoring the new sensations as my brain tried to process a whole new series of nerve impulses. The fur felt surprisingly soft and sleek, like a cat’s and I grinned up at Derpy who had stopped her flapping, smiling right back at me. Feeling better I began to rotate to get up, but Discord stopped me.

“Some ways to go, you have, young pony,” Discord said, chuckling and pleased that I was over the crisis. “Just lay there and let things happen.”

“Okay,” I said, and I realized my voice was changing as well. It was softer, with a higher pitch. Still my voice, but different, and as I put my hands up to my head I felt that the fur had covered my entire face. My face and head were changing now, becoming longer and my hands touched my ears. Even my ears were changing, getting longer and moving up my head.

“Shouldn’t this hurt?” I asked, and as I did I could feel my shoulders and hips begin to change. The bones shifting and rotating from their normal position on my spine, as they turned me from a biped to a quadruped.

“Yes, it should,” Discord said, and I could tell he was watching the changes in my body with care, “and it did. Right up until you relaxed and trusted enough to let the magic in. As long as you let it happen, it won’t hurt.”

“Sounds good,” I said in answer, doing my best to keep my breathing steady. I noted that my fingers were fusing together now, my wrists changing in shape and function. I shot a glance down my belly, noting that my neck was getting longer and letting me look further down my torso. My pride and joy was fully covered in fur now and was being enveloped in what seemed like a second skin. At least I still had that. What was going on with my legs, or I guess I should say, my rear legs, was indescribable. The joints twisting and flipping.

I am a young man, and a reasonably manly one. When I drink beer, the word “Light” is nowhere to be seen, I eat my steaks rare, and when a three year old hands me a toy phone I answer it. In spite of that, in spite of being around somepony I trusted, I will admit to being a little scared as my body flipped and changed. I took the coward’s route and closed my eyes, unable to watch anymore. A second later, soft gossamer flowed over my head and long neck.

“It’s okay,” I heard Derpy say. “Nothing bad is happening, and we’re here with you.” I nodded, unable to speak. Which is when Derpy, Derpy the pony I trusted, who had probably saved my life, performed a shocking act of betrayal. With my eyes tightly shut I couldn’t see her reach a wing up, and start rubbing my ears. One minute I was trying not to whimper, and the next it was like someone had dumped a bucket of warm honey over my head.

“Glrbl,” I said sagely, as the incredible sensation flowed over me. It was like coming inside from a freezing cold day and getting wrapped in your favorite blanket, while sipping on a mug of hot cocoa full of marshmallows and snuggling a pair of puppies. All at the same time. All my cares, all my fears, everything, faded into insignificance from the wonderful feelings a simple ear rub was giving me. When Derpy finally stopped, my body felt at peace, the changes complete.

“Is that what if felt like when I rubbed your ears?” I asked a smiling Derpy, feeling my tail...my tail, flick back and forth of its own volition.

“Uh huh,” Derpy said, giggling and stepping back from me. As she did, I rolled to a sitting position, or rather I tried to roll to a sitting position. Instead of doing a motion I’d done at least a thousand times in my life, my body instead spasmed, with limbs going in every direction and I had absolutely no control over myself.

“What the hell?” I asked, looking up as I realized that it was an effort even to keep my head steady on the floor. Derpy’s face went from happy to sympathetic fast.

“You’ve just had every bone, muscle and nerve in your body rewritten,” Discord said, chuckling a bit. “Don’t be surprised if it takes your mind awhile to learn how to do everything again.” I was about to answer that with a retort when a loud pounding came from my front door instead.

“MISTER ALLENS,” a loud voice said, coming through the door. “This is the police, we need to talk to you about an incident earlier today.” My eyes went wide and I had sudden visions of Area 51, black helicopters and FBI agents who wanted to believe.

“We’ve got to get out of here,” I whispered, urgently. “There is no way they aren’t going to take us in, just because of what we are.”

“Is that so?” Discord asked, cracking his knuckles, a belligerent tone in his voice.

“They’re just doing their job,” I said. “You’ll make things worse if you do stuff to them.”

“MISTER ALLENS,” the voice repeated, along with the pounding on my door. “We know you are at home. We also need to talk to you about some coins you sold earlier today as well.”

“Can either of you get us out of here?” I asked, imagining men in black suits, with single letter names, closing in. “Like, now?”

“Okay, okay,” Discord said, and I felt myself being lifted onto Derpy’s back. “Just try to go limp Jimmy, and let Derpy handle everything.”

“I hate being called Jimmy,” I said, taking Discord’s advice and letting myself go boneless. I could feel Derpy’s wings holding me in place on her back.

“I know,” Discord said, with a smirk. One of his hands, the one that looked like an eagle’s claw became wreathed in blue fire, and using it, drew the outline of a door in the air. As I watched, he snapped his fingers and the outline filled in with the details of a blue panelled door with frosted windows, emblazoned with the Saint John ambulance cross and carrying a small white sign opposite. I knew that door, and if I could have, I would have face-palmed, or face-hoofed as was appropriate.

“MISTER ALLENS, IF YOU DO NOT OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW, WE’RE COMING IN!” the cop on the other side yelled.

“Time to go,” I said to Discord from my spot on Derpy’s back.

“Indeed it is,” Discord said, opening the blue door and holding it wide for us. A mischievous smile lit his face and as Derpy and I passed through the door we could hear Discord behind us, yelling as he followed us through the door, “Gobble Gobble Ackbar!”

Author's Note

And thus does our hero head off to Equestria

A couple of notes though. First off, I'm not ruling out future TG for James. In fact, I have a scenario for it to happen, but it has to be down the road awhile after a lot more story development.

Second, “Gobble Gobble Ackbar!” is a shout-out to my buds, The Blackpines Gaming Clan, and refers to an incident in Ark with a turkey and a brick of C4.

Third, it occurs to me that I should mention a couple of places I hang out in. The first is in Second Life. Where you can find me cruising around under the name "Pen Alt." The second place is Damaged's discord server.

If you do decide to swing by, be aware you will need to link your FimFiction account and that the chat can be very NSFW. All the best to all of you.