With me on her back, Derpy plunged through the fake TARDIS door and into...somewhere else. We flew forward into the Space between Spaces, the Gap in Reality, the Dimension of the Mind, What Lies Between, or any one of the hundred different attempts to name what was between here and there.

All I knew for sure was that I was being carried through a swirling kaleidoscopic mass of colour, shape and sound that confronted me every second with the billion contradictory truths of existence. So, I did what any brave and rational being would do when they had all of this shoved in their face for the first time. I threw up.

I tried to lift my head and at least project my spew outward into the interdimensional what-the-fuckery, but I hadn’t been in my new body for very long so it was all I could do to make sure my mouth was open properly. Derpy, my poor brave friend, who was carrying me to her home, grimaced as she felt barely digested chinese food coat one of her haunches before dribbling overboard, or was that over-pegasus?

“Sorry,” I groaned out, closing my eyes against the sensory onslaught, only to find it did no good. “Is it always like this?”

“You get used to it,” Derpy said, flying along without using her wings, which were curled protectively over me. “The first time is always the worst though. You should have seen me during my first crossing. I swear, there was a trail a blind yak could follow from one passage to the next.”

“God,” I urped, fighting my brand new digestive system to retain what little it had left. “Please don’t say ‘Yak’, please.” Derpy tried to avoid laughing at me, I could tell, but she couldn’t prevent a few suspicious giggles from sneaking past her muzzle.

Right about then, Discord floated up beside us. The bastard was perfectly at home floating through the chaos of WTF space, in fact, he was doing a leisurely backstroke as he drew close. All I can say is that it was a damned good thing my transformation into a little pony hadn’t given me laser eyes, because otherwise Discord would have been a barbecued boss, with extra crispy bits.

“How you doing Ji...James?” Discord asked, taking a bit of mercy on me as he saw how I was feeling. “That’s quite the shade of green you have going there. Especially for a brown furred pony.”

“Not so good, boss,” I said, burping again as a nearby black hole tried to explain auto mechanics to a quantum banana.

“It’s hardest the first time,” Discord assured me, repeating Derpy’s advice before waving a paw and cleaning her side. “How well can you control your neck?”

“Just a bit,” I said. It hurt my pride a bit to admit my inability to control so basic a thing, but it’s always best to be honest with one’s boss.

“Okay, I’ve got something for you to try,” Discord said, and he took a moment to wrap something wide and soft around me to secure me to Derpy’s back. Derpy looked back and nodded her thanks to Discord as she uncurled her wings from me.

“Pushing my gut against Derpy’s back is helping a bit,” I said gratefully, as a foul smelling burp emerged from my muzzle to try to make a liar out of me.

“James, hold it in if you can, please,” Derpy begged me, concern for her coat in her voice. “We still have a ways to go before we make it to Equestria.”

“Okay, James,” Discord said, his voice intent. “I want you to look at the back of Derpy’s neck.” I raised an eyebrow in disbelief, which was a good sign, and I raised and lowered it a few more times just to make sure I could. Another muscle group doing what I wanted them to, at this rate I’d be able to walk to the store sometime around Christmas. Which made me wonder for a second if ponies even had a Christmas.

“Why do you want me to stare at Derpy’s neck?” I questioned. Then to divert myself a bit more, I added, “I mean, it’s a nice neck and I could watch it for hours, but why?” Derpy coloured, distracting me from the swirling mass around us, as I had hoped.

“Her neck is moving around relative to you and you don’t really have to move your head to see it,” Discord explained. “Oh, and just so you know, the office has a very liberal policy about employees dating one another.”

“DISCORD!” Derpy yelped, completely embarrassed now as she picked up a little speed to pull away from the jigsawed creature, and I realized that something about the past conversations had hurt her and she didn’t consider them as the light distracting banter either I, or Discord had intended.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you,” I told Derpy, meaning it fully. “I was trying to distract myself, and flirting with an attractive mare seemed to be a good way to do it.”

“You don’t have to try to make me feel good, James,” Derpy said, and this time I could hear the sadness in her voice. “I know how ugly my eyes make me.”

A sudden anger rose in me, as I imagined the possible events in her life that could have triggered her comment. People had been mean to my friend. Derpy was a wonderful person, brave and caring, she had risked her life to protect mine and I was filled with the resolve to find those responsible for causing my friend pain, and give them a heaping portion of payback.

“Derpy, we haven’t known each other long, so you can take what I say as a fairly unbiased opinion,” I began, as Derpy kept her eyes on our route. I could tell she was listening to me by how her ears both swiveled back to lock onto my voice like twin radar dishes. “You are a fine, lovely mare. I’m just starting out as a pony, but even I can tell you have a physical beauty that is small only when compared to your inner beauty. Not only are you attractive but you have a good heart to go with it.”

“You mean that?” Derpy said in question, a mix of surprise and hope in her voice.

“Yes, I really do,” I said, and I swear her smile lit up WTF space for miles around us. “But I have a more important question for you.”

“What’s that?” she asked, her smile dimming a few levels while she dodged what looked like a clock assembling itself inside out. I shuddered a bit and concentrated on the blond mane in front of me.

“What do I look like, as a pony?” I inquired, and I could see her ears, which had been flattening, perk right back up again. I made a mental note to keep a careful watch on pony ears as they were obviously great indicators of what a pony’s mood was.

“Well...” Derpy said, her voice trailing off and I was seized with a sudden fear that maybe I looked absolutely awful as a pony. “I’m going off of memory here because I have to keep an eye on where we are going, but...” I felt my own ears trying to focus on what Derpy was about to say. “I would say that you look...um...good?” she finished.

“How good?” I asked, not because I’m ever self-conscious or anything. It was just that end note in her voice had me a bit worried.

“Well,” Derpy began, again. “You have a strong neck, a good head and face, along with classic earth pony legs ending with nice black hooves. You might need to get those shod, by the way. Your barrel is nice. Not too wide, or too thin. Ribs seem to be in the right spots and number and your ah...um....” She trailed off.

“My what? My tail, my nose, what?” I demanded, eager to know if I had any aesthetic flaws built into me.

“Your...package,” she said, and I saw her blush again.

“My what?” I said, trying not to squeak out the word, as I divined what she referred to, and the ancient fear of all males assailed the tower of my self-confidence with battering rams.

“Your stallionhood,” Derpy said, using an obvious euphemism. “I only saw it for a few seconds, but to me it looked a little on the...” My heart seized. “Big side of things.” My breath came out in a whoosh. That was a problem I could live with. Then, Derpy went into a broad, sweeping turn and I felt myself sliding a bit with her motion. I tried to clamp down with my legs to hold on better but my brain fired all the wrong nerves and all I did was flail around on her back, making the slide even worse.

“Um,” I said, in a squeak that had nothing at all to do with fear as I began to slide off of Derpy’s back. “A little help?” By the time she had turned to look at me I was already lying against Derpy’s side. The only thing that was keeping me attached to the pegasus was whatever Discord had wrapped around us to help keep me in place.

“Oh no!” Derpy cried out and she aborted her turn, rolling to her side and trying to lever me back to a proper spot on her with her wings. I don’t know much about trans-dimensional travel, but I knew this couldn’t be good. Between my misfiring muscles, Derpy’s struggling and our mutual aerobatics, I somehow wound up on Derpy’s underside hanging from the broad band of material like it was a cargo sling.

“Need any help, you two?” Discord inquired, oozing up alongside us. “Because you’re both way off course now and it’s going to take forever to double back to the Gate for Equestria. Unless...”

“Unless what?” Derpy said, a little annoyance in her voice as she began what I assumed was a very gentle turn back toward our exit.

“Well, I do have more of those sheets. So I could just tie James in place where he is right now,” Discord said, smiling with a pranksters grin. “Whaddya say there, Jimmy? Derpy could really put on some speed if you were all safe and secure.” I considered his words for a moment or two. Subtle, Discord was not, and I was sure he was up to something. Then again, it was a safe bet he didn’t intend any harm. Embarrassment sure, but everything Discord had said or done so far had either been to help me or prepare me for my job.

“Go ahead Boss,” I said, looking him in the eye to subtly remind him of his responsibilities. “If it helps out Derpy, I can take it.” There was a blurring of motion, and I felt soft pressure against my back and then against my belly. When it was all done I realized I had been spun around and wrapped tight against Derpy belly to belly, like I was a baby in a sling against their mother.

“Discord!” Derpy said in complaint. “What the heck did you do?” Derpy wiggled a bit as she glared and tried to settle my mass against her.

“What?’ Discord asked, all innocence. “James is safe and secure now, and you can put on all the speed you like. We can be back in Equestria in five minutes.”

“Don’t worry about it, Derpy,” I said, putting as much reassurance in the words as I could. “It is a little embarrassing, but let’s be honest, when it comes to moving I’m about as capable as a newborn right now.”

“If you’re sure, James,” Derpy said, smiling down at me. I smiled back up at her and went limp, letting the bands hold me in place, keeping my treacherous muscles from working me free. Seeing my smile and hearing my words, Derpy began to use her wings for flying instead of trying to hold on to me and went into a tight turn, pumping her wings as she did so.

We began to put on real speed in the turn and it was obvious Derpy had been holding back before in an attempt to keep me safe. With my safety no longer at stake, she was free to act like the creature of air and sky that she was, and for a minute I simply enjoyed the feel of wind rushing past us. Derpy leveled out from her turn, inertia slid our bellies across each other and I began to feel a familiar tingling heaviness come from my lower regions as they were rubbed.

I closed my eyes and tucked my head against my chest, trying to mentally block out the sensations of soft fur rubbing across me, and I realized that my position had also put my nose into the soft fluff at Derpy’s chest. The vanilla smell of her exertions was growing in my nose and I began to panic a tiny bit as I realized that while my conscious nervous system might still be pretty screwed up, my autonomic and semi-autonomic systems were working just fine.

“Doing okay there, Jimmy?” Discord inquired again, flying up beside me. The git had a smug expression on his face and I knew in that split second that this is what he’d had in mind when he fixed Derpy and me together like this.

“Doing just fine,” I said, in a voice that could have sucked moisture out of the Sahara. Payback might ride a slow horse Discord, but it was going to come for you as soon as I could arrange something suitable in an extra large cream pie. ”How long until we get where we’re going?”

“About another minute or so,” Discord said, snapping his fingers and suddenly wearing a pair of trousers with the words “Robbie’s Rocketpants” emblazoned on them in international distress orange. “I’ve got to zip on ahead and open the Gate. See you in a minute.” Mini jet engines popped out of the sides of the pant legs and ignited, rocketing Discord forward.

As he left I realized that I had completely forgotten about my imminent embarrassment with Derpy and considering he had set the whole thing up, it was probably why he had started that conversation with me. I didn’t have time to dwell on what he was up to, because true to Discord’s estimate, about a minute later Derpy said, “Here we go, hang on!” Then, doing a quick barrel roll we plunged through some sort of portal and a bright light filled my vision.

“Welcome to Equestria,” I heard someone say through the glare of arrival.

Author's Note

A short chapter while I get back into the swing of this story. Expect a lot of new chapters over the next few months.

If you want to say "Hi" or anything, you can find me often on Damaged's Discord server. Just be aware, the server is for 18+ as any and all conversation there should be considered NSFW. You can also find me hanging out in Second Life as "Penalt Godenot." Frequent hang out locations are the YouMustObey sim, which is welcoming to all avatar types and has some very mellow tunes that I find good to write by. I can also be found in Trotsdale or The Burning Mare near their central fires.

Take care, and thank you for your readership.