Princess Luna's Dirty Secret

"Oh Luna! I'm so tired! You go ahead and keep watch on Equestria now, it's already evening anyway," Princess Celestia announced. She trotted off to her bedroom to get some rest. Princess Luna was not in the mood for watching over Equestria. She was going to go have some fun tonight. Well she had fun everynight...

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The perfect nightclub was called "The Trash Heap" and Luna went there everynight after her sister went to bed. Her favourite mare performed there frequently and Luna hated to miss the chance to enjoy her body after her performance. Vinyl Scratch, AKA DJ PON-3. At night, most ponies at the Heap were drunk and tipsy so no one really recognized Luna. Many regulars who came there had had a one-night stand with the princess before. Her first visit to the Heap was a couple years back after Nightmare Night. Party pony, Pinkie Pie, one of the mane six, had begged Luna to come have some real fun. Yeah, some fun it was. Luna had done the unthinkable with three stallions and eight mares that night. Included in the eight was the mane six, itself: Pinkie, Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack. All of them were dragged in by Pinkie to go to the Heap.

Luna stood at the bar sipping some Vodka. Sometimes the princess didn't even know what she drank at the club. Vinyl was almost done. Her tunes were the best, Luna stomped to the beat. She saw something weird in the crowd. A pegasus crashing into everypony who was dancing. The pegasus trotted over to the bar, Luna got a good look at her. She was grey and had a weird bubble-looking cutie mark. But the most unusual thing about the mare was her yellow eyes. They were looking in different directions!

"Um, who are you?" Luna asked the unsual pegasus.

"Derpy Hooves!" Derpy giggled and grabbed a huge beer from the bar counter. She gulped the whole jug down. Luna was horrified. Derpy's eyes swiveled around and then she burped. Luna felt like this pony was high or something!

"Hehe! I love your mane, so sparkly and long! Hehe!"

Luna was suddenly flattered, "Thankyou! You're actually pretty sweet, Derpy. I'm Lu-  I mean I'm Lucy! Hehe.."  Luna couldn't tell this random somepony her real name! What if she told everypony about her?

"Really? I thought you were Luna? You know I'm a mailmare? I deliver to your castle!"

"Oh.. Um well don't tell anyone. I don't trust anypony at this club, I just came here to meet somepony and have a drink," Luna admitted, blushing. Derpy laughed and asked Luna to come out onto the dancefloor.

"I don't dance Derpy..."

"Neither do I, did you see what a ruckus I created out there? C'mon Luna!"

Derpy pushed Luna onto the floor and started dancing to Vinyl's tunes. Luna blushed, and tried to not just stand there.

"Aw Derpy, I can't do it! You're so good at it!"

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" Derpy and Luna laughed. The music stopped. Luna had to ditch Derpy quick so she could meet Vinyl, but she just couldn't... As awkward as she was, Derpy was really cute and Luna felt really hot around her. She watched grimly as Vinyl grabbed her bag of equipment and left the Heap.

"What are you lookin' at?" Derpy asked, trying to look and see what Luna was so interested in.

"Nothing! Look Derpy, the Heap is gonna close soon it's 3:00 in the morning. I'm supposed to be watching over Equestria too," Luna said having her last slurp of Whiskey.

"Your leaving? But I don't want to go home alone, tonight! Luna atleast come home with me for a little bit! Please!" Derpy pouted. She looked so cute. Luna couldn't resist, she kissed her. Derpy's eyes swiveled around and she blushed.

"Where do you live?" Luna asked.

"Cloudsville," Derpy smiled. She felt like she had a crush on Luna...

The two mares flew up to Cloudsdale, both thinking about the fun they'd have that night. Derpy led the way to her home, it was small but cozy. The bedroom was grand though, the bed was made of clouds. Luna layed down on the bed and smiled at the mare next to her,"I think I love you..."

"I don't know if it's all that beer I drank that's talking or what because I think I love you too..." Derpy whispered, she kissed Luna. The two drifted off into a sleep of love...

The next morning, Derpy woke up alone, where was Luna? She smiled at the memory of yesterday night and got ready to deliver mail. Was it a one-night stand? Derpy hoped it wasn't she really felt for Luna, her princess. She must've left because of these stupid eyes! Derpy thought, glumly. She sighed,"No pony will ever love me because of my freaking eyes! Damn it!" Derpy cried and cried until she spotted a letter for Celestia in her pile of mail to deliver. She had to go to the castle! She could see Luna! Derpy wasn't going to bump into anything today, she was going to fly as fast as she could and do her job right. No more complaints from that bossy Rainbow Dash. All she ever does is sleep with that one pony from Sweet Apple Acres, snorted Derpy. Nope, today Derpy was a lovestruck mare and not that retarted, idiot pegasus, everypony thinks she is.

The first letter in the mail bag was for Rarity. Derpy snorted, that prissy unicorn who thinks she's all that! She flew to Rarity's Boutique and heard a conversation going on from the window:

"I'm not kidding Rarity! Twilight said everypony knows about Luna's affair with some mysterious pegasus last night at the Heap! Pinkie saw the two and told everypony this morning! Isn't it just disgraceful that our Princess Luna, instead of watching over us at night, does this crap?" A young purple dragon complained to the lovely white unicorn.

"Oh Spike, didn't anyone tell you? Luna is a total slut! She has been in bed with almost everypony, after getting drunk at the Heap! Including Twilight, Fluttershy, AJ, Rainbow, and I! All because of Pinkie, who probably has been in bed with her many times before! It was horrifying! I'm no fillyfooler, Spike! Pinkie Pie got us all tipsy at the Heap, we couldn't control ourselves! Ugh! Celestia herself is probably sleeping with her too, no wonder no one can tell Luna to stop, she's hypnotized everypony! What a slut!" Rarity whined. Derpy growled, Luna isn't a slut! But are all those things true? She hovered inside and handed Rarity her mail, then slipped out of the shop, quickly.

There was only a few more letters after that, and Derpy was ready to deliver the last letter to Celestia in the evening when Luna would be out. But as she hovered near the balcony of the Canterlott castle, she heard strange things:

"Luna, you need to stop your affairs and visits to that Heap! Everypony is complaining!" Celestia complained.

"But Celestia, may I remind you how many affairs you have had? And how many you've had with me?" Luna said.

"Those were hot times.. hehe but Luna, I've stopped my ways! Just get one mare partner and have a relationship with her, don't have different partners! And stop going to the Heap!" Celestia stormed out of Luna's bedroom. Luna stood on the balcony, crying. Derpy gave her the letter.

"I heard that conversation..." She said. Luna nodded and put the letter on the table in the room.

"I hate myself I'm such a slut! I need to stop this bad habit and stick with one mare, you," Luna whispered. Derpy blushed and shed a tear.

"I love you, Luna..."

"I love you too, Derpy..."