Author's Note
A complete rework of a story I had begun writing some time ago. There are more chapters to come. You can also read the companion story featuring Starlight Glimmer titled Get to Heaven if the premise of this story interests you. Thank you for reading.
Iamundernodisguise
It was unusual for Sunset Shimmer to be at rest. Ever since she was young her mind had been focused on climbing, on learning, on becoming more than what she was. The notion that who she is now was enough was a new concept, a welcome change to the self-deprecation that pervaded her life previously.
She owed much of it to Twilight, really. It was immeasurably fortuitous that their paths crossed when they did. To try so hard and to be beaten so soundly was one thing but to receive absolution in the place of vengeance cemented the place Twilight had in her heart. The direction provided by her in those few moments they spent together as friends changed her for the better and it was a change she was happy to bring with her back to Equestria.
Still, it was strange to be back here. It was home and it wasn’t. She had become so accustomed to human life and the trappings that surrounded it that the simplicity of pony life still seemed fresh and almost unreal at times. If she wanted fresh vegetables or eggs she need only visit a neighbor and trade something of value. If she wished to see a friend she could ride a train or hire a carriage. No more cellphones, no more computers. It was nice.
These were the thoughts that filled her head most days, idle musing of how far her life had come. The last time she was a pony she was making off with Twilights’ crown, filled with the kind of determination only hate could bring. Now her soul felt clean, bared to the beauty of the world around her. She took delight in the cooking of a meal for her friends, in the way the sun broke through the leaves in the trees.
Life wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows, of course. She would go stir crazy without obstacles to tackle or challenges to overcome. So it was that she found her old perfectionist streak transformed into a desire to change for the better when the opportunity presented itself. Lately, however, she had begun to feel stuck in her role. So it was that she asked to speak to Twilight today.
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They met in Twilights’ crystal palace and wandered its halls, talking of the change the two of them had undergone since their time in the human world. Sunset spoke excitedly of her time with the alternate Twilight and the other Elements, of the things she had learned from them. Twilight spoke of training Starlight and Trixie, two ponies whos’ stories mirrored her own in ways she found eerie at times.
“Do you ever feel stuck, Twilight?”
“Stuck? That’s a good question. Sometimes, yes. There are days where I feel like I should be progressing in ways that my mind or body aren’t yet ready for. It takes time to accept that you’re not always going to be the pony you want to and even longer to know that that’s okay.”
“I appreciate that. It’s just strange for me to feel this way because I’ve always felt like my life was building up to something, like I was doing everything for a singular purpose. It used to be a desire for power and nothing else but that’s changed. Now… now I don’t know what I’m living for.”
Twilight stopped when she heard this. That look of concern was all too familiar to Sunset. It seemed like there wasn’t a moment that went by that Twilight wasn’t concerned with the feelings of her friends. Sunset supposed that was the nature of the Princess of Friendship, wasn’t it?
“Not to make it sound like I don’t enjoy living, of course!” Sunset scratched her chin with her hoof, a sheepish look on her face. “It’s just… I don’t know what’s driving me anymore. I don’t know what my goal is.”
“Sometimes… sometimes you don’t have to have a goal. Sometimes you have to be yourself for nopony else but you. I’ll get nervous some days without a problem to fix or a monster to banish. Then I remind myself that that’s why I worked so hard when there was a problem. It was to have those days where all I had to do was loan a few books out or help bake a cake. I live a complicated life to enjoy the moments of simplicity.”
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As they walked through the halls, Sunset noticed a change of scenery start to overtake them completely. The ambience darkened and the scene took on a dream-like fog, a liminality creeping over everything around her. There was a warmth and a light coming from the side where Twilight walked beside her, betraying the unreality of the moment she found herself in. A voice not unlike her own spoke, coming from all around her and deep inside her mind simultaneously.
”Do you know who you are?”
Sunset kept her vision trained ahead of her, ignoring whatever figure now walked the halls beside her. It was best if she knew as little about this situation as possible, she decided.
“I think so? I’m Sunset Shimmer. I’m a friend of Twilights’ and many other ponies as well. What more do I need to know?”
”You have much to learn of yourself, dear Sunset. To accomplish that, you must first let go of the self you have constructed.”
A warmth touched her chest and began to spread through her body like wildfire, burning through years of perception. Almost immediately her concept of self washed away and she found herself afloat in a void of non-identity. She was no longer a pony or a human. She had no horn, no wings, no legs to stand on. She wasn't a mare, a stallion, or anything else. She was herself, a unique creation in an infinite sea of unique creations.
The voice came again, from inside herself. She felt the words in her throat, her vocal chords vibrating and lips parting to produce the sounds she heard now in her heart. Her heart, a drum of water pumping the miracle of life to her body.
”You see now who you truly are, yes? You see yourself with no disguise, no flesh to burden your sight. Feel the truth, Sunset, for it shall be your only guide in these trying times.”
Finally she turned her attention to the figure next to her and found it was herself she was looking at. It was her being realized, her dreams given form. She was completely alight, wreathed in spectral fire. She had wings and a horn and the air of totality that Sunset had sought since she was a filly. It was her without borders. It was who she was meant to be. Just as quickly as the vision began it dissolved, leaving her standing stock-still in the hallways. Twilight stood in front of her, looking her up and down.
“Sunset, what happened back there? You just… stopped walking entirely. I saw your eyes roll back into your head! What sort of crazy magic have you been dabbling in?!”
“You’re not going to believe me when I tell you this Twilight but… I’ve had a vision. One I very much need to tell you about.”
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That day they spoke about what she had seen and what it could have meant. Twilight made a promise that they would meet with the Royal Sisters the next day to figure out their next course of action. So it was that tomorrow became today, and Sunset awoke to find wings where there were none before.
Face to Face on High Places
“So. I see you have wings.”
Sunset really wasn’t sure how to respond. The look on Twilights’ face described an emotion she couldn’t quite place. If she had to name it, it was somewhere between concern, jealousy, and suspicion.
“Yeah, I guess I do. I didn’t like… ask for them, or anything. I just woke up and they were there.” Her wings unfurled from where they were resting, as if responding to the conversation.
Twilight looked forlornly at Princess Luna, the look in her eyes pleading for some sort of guidance. Luna remained silent, except for this:
“Twilight Sparkle has mentioned a vision you received. Tell me, Sunset Shimmer, about that vision.”
“Oh, yeah, of course. It was… I was walking with Twilight, right. Then something supersedes my surroundings and I’m somewhere I’ve never been before. There’s this fiery figure walking next to me. I guess it’s me? And she talks, about who I am. Who I’m meant to be. I think she kind of killed me? In a way?”
“Killed you? How so?” Sunset wasn’t sure she had ever seen a more active listener. Lunas’ focus was on her entirely.
“Well… She touched me and I fell apart. Metaphorically. I just felt myself disintegrate. One moment I was Sunset Shimmer and the next I wasn’t. As quickly as that happened I became myself again? Except I was that figure walking beside me, seeing myself through the eyes of my non-alicorn self? I don’t know, it felt like I was two ponies at once. More than two ponies, really. It felt like I was everypony I could’ve ever been simultaneously. It was weird. Really weird.”
“Hmmm… It sounds much like the visions I had when I was younger. Much, much younger. I was just learning to walk in the dreaming world and you’d be amazed at the echoes of yourself you might find when every unconscious mind in Equestria is open to you. You felt like you were without a self, would that be correct?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly it. Like I wasn’t. Anything at all. I was nothing, but I was?” She clutched her hooves over her head. She wasn’t unintelligent by any standards but this dream magic still eluded her.
Luna placed a hoof on Sunsets’ shoulder. She felt compassionate understanding wash over her, permeating her very soul. “It’s alright, my student. It will become clearer in time.”
“S-student? But I thought- I mean... “
“Just for now. Celestia wasn’t able to make it and it sounds like the trials that stand before you wait not in the waking world but in the world of dreams.”
“... I see. I’m sorry if I sound unsure of myself, this is all just so sudden!”
“Yes, it is. We had quite a bit more time to prepare for Twilights’ alicorn journey, admittedly, but this is no less exciting. More challenging certainly but I relish a challenge.” The triumphant smile on Lunas’ face helped steel Sunsets’ nerves for now, at least. If the Princess of the Moon believed in her, then she couldn’t she believe in herself!? “Now I must leave the two of you to your task. I have work of my own to complete.”
“Of course, princess. Thank you for stopping by. I’ll let you know if we need anything else.” With a sharp crack Luna was gone, a faint jasmine scent hanging in the air where she previously stood. Twilight turned her attention back to Sunset again.
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“Twilight, can we talk?”
“Absolutely, Sunset! Let’s do it outside this time. It’s too nice of a day to waste.”
“I agree! Race you down?”
“You’re on.”
Moments later they arrived in front of Twilights’ castle, having both decided to forgo the concept of walking, instead choosing to teleport. When they saw what happened, they broke out into a fit of giggles.
“Twilight, I can’t believe you’d just cheat like that!”
“Oh believe me, when it’s life or death you worry less about the rules.”
This got them both giggling again until Sunset made an idle observation.
“Teleporting was… really easy. I feel so strong.”
“I know, right? But hey, let’s not get carried away. You said you wanted to talk to me?”
“Yeah. I wanted to thank you, actually.”
“Thank me? For what?”
“For everything! I tried to destroy you and you could’ve done so much, you could’ve really hurt me but you didn’t. I owe a lot to you, Twilight.”
“Jeez. I mean, I really appreciate you saying that but it’s not like I did anything out of the ordinary.”
“Oh, you have no idea how out of the ordinary it was. Do you know how long I was in the human world before you came?”
Twilight tilted her head, curious. “No. How long?”
“Two years. I spent two years there, building my…. Power base, I guess. Getting ready for whoever was going to come out of that portal after me. Looking back at it I was just torturing myself. I was being punished for my own reckless ambition. When you showed up, I thought I had you in the bag.”
“For a while there you kind of did. You were pretty serious about keeping that crown, weren’t you?”
“I was beyond serious, Twilight. Anyways, you showed me what friendship really felt like. I learned more along the way with the help of the girls and then…”
“And then…?”
“I fought you again, actually. Except it was like, real human you. Not pony to human. And you know what? Saving you, back in that universe, saved me. I wouldn’t be who I was if you weren’t there. Either time. I owe you a lot more than you could know, Twilight.”
By now Sunset had her vision trained on the ground. If there was one thing she hated more than depending on somepony it was owing them something. Admitting all of that hurt, actually. She knew more than anypony else there wasn’t growth without pain so she endured it, waiting for Twilights’ response.
“That’s…. I suppose that’s true, isn’t it. It’s how I feel about Celestia. It’s how I feel about Rainbow and Pinkie and Applejack and Rarity and Fluttershy and Spike and… Just about everypony I’ve ever met, really! I would quite literally not be who I am today if it wasn’t for them and you know what? That’s fine! I’m glad that I have others to depend on, ponies who can carry the weight if I can’t. It’s made me a better pony.”
If there weren’t tears in her eyes before there certainly were now. Sunset wiped them away before embracing Twilight with everything she had. The startled release of air from her dear friend told her that everything she had was quite a lot. After a moment she let her go, allowing the princess to catch her breath.
“Thank you, Twilight. I don’t know what the future holds for me but I know whatever it is, I can face it so long as I have my friends.”
