Into Ashes: Act I

Chapters

Day 1
Day 2
Chapter 2 - The Wing'ed Equine
Day 4
Chapter 3 - Bonding
Day 9
Day 10
ACT I - Fields of Gray
Chapter One - In Search Of

Day 1

Gentle… I feel the soft warmth of a sunbeam against my cheek. I slowly bring my eyes open to a crack. The gentle rays of sun tenderly cascade through the gaps in the ceiling. Morning, morning is finally upon me. And so begins my first day completely on my own.

Ugh, what a rough night. I don’t feel like I got very much sleep. Truth be told I don't think I even actually fell asleep at all until the very end. It got so cold last night my constant shivering kept me awake. And what was with that.. weird dream? I don't remember anything about it. Only a faint feeling, a feeling of.. Being called to something, like I had missed out on something. But what was it? I’m not sure. Whatever it was it was just a dream.

I bring my eyes to fully open to find myself coated in a blanket of ash and surrounded by fallen bits of wood. I guess my makeshift ceiling patch didn’t hold and ash gradually poured in overnight.

I lay motionless for several minutes, dwelling on the discomfort of the passing night before I decide to get up and start my day. The basement is a mess, practically just as trashed as when I found it. Bits of wood of all sizes everywhere. I guess a bit of cleaning up is in order.

I spend the next ten minutes or so collecting up all the junk-wood and tossing it out. Some of it I carefully inspect for usefulness, but much to my surprise (or lack thereof) it’s all garbage. But it’s just a start, no need to get discouraged just yet; I have an entire town in front of me to pick through. Oh boy… It’s going to be a long day.

The sun is already up passed the horizon. By now the drones have gone back into charge mode and given way for me to take the day. I throw on my backpack, tend my rifle to my arms and - Oh yeah, it’d probably be a good idea to make a list of important items to keep an eye out for before leaving. I sit down, pen and paper in hand and begin brainstorming.

Things to find

Wood/Kindling
Better Shelter?
More clothes?
Food/Water
Rope?
Any tools
Decorations (why not?)
A bigger bag

As I write my stomach growls in mild protest. I didn’t eat anything all day yesterday and I could probably do with a quick bite right now. No, no, I need to conserve what little food I have as much as possible even if it means starving myself. I’ve gone longer with less food anyway. But just in case I’ll be sure to bring a Zeta-Ration and some water out with me today.

I empty out my bag of everything and pack only what I need for today’s excursion. Shortly after gathering my gear for the day, I guide back through the tunnel and step outside the breach.

Today… Looks just like any other day. Hazy, a brown-gray smog shrouds the world around me like a dirty fog. Tiny tufts of soot drift down from the sky like snow. The obscured orange sun, masked by the haze is only just now peaking over the vista. A chill breeze bites the morning air. It’s a beautiful day to defy the apocalypse.

I waste no time before starting my search, though I approach each rubble pile methodically. The first few “houses” I assume are all the same. I climb amongst the rubble only to find most of it to disintegrate upon contact. Each chunk of the skeletal building I touch simply turns to ash with a slight nudge. It’s a wonder how anything is still left standing. This causes me to take a more cautious approach to my search as I would not want to diffuse the wrong structure and have it all come down on top of me. But among these piles near my “home” I find nothing of interest.

Gradually my search takes me further and further from my start point. Eventually I decide to start sketching out a map of where I’ve been, marking what I’ve explored and what I have yet to sift through. In one of the houses I do find something of interest however. A small broken picture frame. Shattered, void of a picture, the frame cracked, and otherwise of no value. What is valuable however is that the wood it is made from is still healthy and can be burned. I decide to keep it and shove it in my bag. I’ll need a lot more wood than this if I want a decent fire that’ll last more than five seconds. I continue my search.

As expected the more I search the more I come across the same things. Everything I search through is useless and uninteresting. I do find something of value every now and again though. In what I can only guess is the remains of a general store I find a large knife along with a small pocket watch tuned to the local time. 7:46 am it reads. In another house just down the road I find more burnable wood, another ruined picture frame and a few small lumps of coal.

I search on for the next few hours. The next time I check the watch time has passed to 12:30 pm. After having dug through what feels like half the town I decide to reward myself with a small snack.

I climb to the top of a large heap of rubble and find a large flat stone at the top. How the stone got up on top of this heap, I don’t know. But at least it’s a convenient spot to sit down on and eat. It even comes with a nice open view of the town.

I open my bag and pull out the Z-Ration. Spaghetti in Red Sauce (Artificial) reads the labeling on the outside of the package. Mmm.. one of my favorites. Too bad I don't have anything to warm up my meal with just yet. I guess I’ll save the actual spaghetti for later and just eat one of the side items for now instead. The side item of choice, Garlic Snack Bread. I rip open the packaging, tear out half of the bread and pack the rest away for later. Though it is only a small portion, the nutrient density packed into this bread is more than enough to sustain me for some time.

As I sit eating atop the stone, I have an excellent view of the town. But as the day has progressed, thicker and thicker the ashen haze has become. Gusts of wind in the area have been kicking up dust and laying it out all over town, limiting my view to only about 100 meters. The ash has become so thick that every now and again I have to wipe my bread clean of it. That doesn’t stop me from enjoying it though.

Everything is ash. The sky is ash, the ground is ash and now even my food tastes of ash. Somehow even my water, tightly sealed in its container picks up a slight hint of the telltale taste. Or maybe it’s just from all the polluted air I’m breathing in all the time. I’m surprised that given the current ashy state of things I was able to find anything not completely burned in those houses at all.

1:16 pm

As I feel ready to get back to my search, just as I start climbing down from the rock I notice the remains of a very large tree in the heart of the town. It really piques my interest. And given that I have so much time left in the day, I prompt myself to go check it out.

I climb down from my perch and weave my way through the streets and wreckage, being careful to map out my path as I go. Given that everything look the same in all directions, one could easily get lost.

When I happen upon the tree I can see that there is not much of it left. All its branches have been blown clean off, scattered around the area. The entire front portion of it has been blasted wide open, exposing its insides to the outside. A small fire still burns at the edge of its trunk.

The lack of homeownership here makes me feel invited to waltz right in and explore. It appears to be the remnant of someone’s home. There are several shelves lining the entirety of the main lobby walls. A winding staircase leads to the now missing second floor, and several doorways lead to many different rooms and nooks, all of which have also gone with the blastwave.

In the main lobby, a hint of color on one of the shelves catches me in the middle of my studious search. Most of the shelves are filled with, as one would guess, ash but not this shelf. On this lonely shelf rest a hint of tattered red peeking out from the surrounding ash. I go to it. Very gently, I brush the ash from atop the object. It appears to be a.. Book of sorts. What could it be about I wonder. Hmm, perhaps inside there are pictures or diagrams I can use to understand its contents. Ooh, what if it’s something that could give me more insight to the Equine culture? I think I’ll give it a look.

I’m very careful to pull it slowly off the shelf. But, to my dismay, the cover has been burned soft and wilts within my grasp. And as I lift it from its resting place the pages turn to ash and spill to the floor all over my boots. A wave of hollow disappointment washes in. Damn, what a shame. I’ve always been fascinated with the Equine culture and how many of its facets are similar to my own. That could have been my chance to have a glimpse into their lives through their own eyes. But I don’t know what I was expecting. Of course it was going to fall apart like that. Like all other things it too has turned into ashes.

I stand for a moment, staring down at the pile of sadness now at my feet. How disappointing, I really would have loved to look into that book. I take a step back and hear a crunch of glass. I look to my ash covered boot. Beneath it, yet another picture frame. I lift my foot and bend over to pick it up. At first I think it just another one of those useless frames but I notice something very peculiar. Attached to it in the bottom right corner, barely hanging by a thin piece of tape, a piece of picture. It’s just a small portion of the larger picture, but what is included in the picture fascinates me deeply. The picture is of a small… purple and green lizard creature of sorts. It smiles, waving its hand happily to the camera. The hoofs of others peek in at the corners but I can’t make anything of them out. Those are Equines I assume. The picture is torn just at their feet. I haven’t seen this type of creature before. Perhaps the owners kept it as a pet and treated it like family. It’s smile seems so… happy. So genuine, so belonging…. I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be a part of an actual family.

I decide to keep the picture, and stick the tape to the side of my rifle scope. Might as well keep it as a token of interest, a nice keepsake of memories long gone. I give the rest of what I deduce to be a library a thorough search but I find nothing of worth, nothing that is worthy of more than a mere passing glance.

3:16 pm

All the wading and sifting through rubble has been hard work. My supply of water is already running low. Perhaps this is cause to call it quits for today, I don't want to work myself too hard with as little sustenance as I have. I decide to head home.

The walk back seems much longer than I remember it taking to get here. Maybe I’m just secretly lost and don't want to admit it to myself just yet. But a check of the ol’ map tells me I’m on the right track I think. It’s hard to tell. And what definitely isn’t helping is a dust storm is beginning to brew. The breezes blowing throughout the day have substantiated into strong gusts, and now a blinding dust storm is on its way to blow through the town. This isn’t going to help me get home any quicker.

4:04 pm

Trudging through the heavy wind thick with dust I somehow manage to meander my way back home. The storm is getting pretty bad. My basement is mostly protected but that doesn't stop an annoying amount of ash from blowing in through the ceiling. It’s not showing any sign of slowing down either, so I guess it’s safe to call this a signal to end the day. And what a long day it was. Actually it went by faster than expected but still, the amount of digging and sifting I did today is worthy of a nap. I feel exhausted. I might as well lay down for a bit. There’s nothing to do outside with that storm abrewin’ and nothing of real value in my pack so, why not. I’ve earned a nice nap. Nice.. Ha..

I set my gear down, lay in the ash and curl up, trying to close my eyes and rest but the howling wind and peppering of ash makes it.. Difficult. Eventually though, I do somehow manage to reach that respite despite all the racket.

- - -

I open my eyes. Tired.. Groggy.. Hungry.. But somewhat refreshed. The dust storm has mostly settled down and given way to the night. Now only a gentle breeze whimpers outside. I sit up to find myself again coated in a blanket of ash. It all spills off my chest as I come to an upright position. I decide to check the time. It’s dark, almost too dark to read my watch but as my night vision kicks in I can barely make it out. 9:29 pm.

Hmm.. Maybe I do have enough wood to start a fire. The nighttime chill is beginning to set in and it would be nice to actually get some sleep tonight unlike the previous night. I open up my bag and, without bothering to take things out by hand just dump everything on the ground. Out falls the picture frames, my z-rat and water, all the wood and everything else I collected today. Turns out I gathered a lot less wood than I thought I did. A truly pitiful amount to be honest. Obviously not enough for a fire, it’d just be a waste to try and burn what I have right now. Angrily does my stomach growl for my attention. I decide to eat the rest of my snack bread.

I pull the snack bread back out of the package and without cleaning it, bravely shove it into my mouth. This was a mistake. I should have cleaned it off, now it tastes more of ash than garlic but somehow I manage to chew and swallow my first bite without gagging on the added seasoning. I’m more careful with eating the rest.

The biting chill of the night gradually becomes more strident. But in my exhaustion from just waking back up I feel like I can ignore the cold and just go back to sleep. I lay back down and close my eyes, reflecting on the events of the day.

You know what maybe this whole surviving on a dead planet thing isn’t so bad. I mean just look at all the cool stuff I found. So much more than I could have expected and it’s only my first day. And all of the wood I found that can still burn. Pretty exciting. I got a brief look into the history of this place… *yawn*.. Oh who am I kidding. This sucks. It sucks real bad. Food tastes awful, it’s cold, I have no one to talk to, I’m being hunted… *sigh*.. I don’t know what to make of my situation. It’s too easy just to bring it all to an end right now but… It might still be worth seeing what lies ahead. I guess I’ll just keep letting things play out… For now.

Day 2

Another terrible night of struggling for sleep. Like last night the coldness of the dark hours kept me tremoring in place, groveling for anything I could find to keep myself warm. I ended up trying to curl up with my backpack as something to help cover my body. But it failed, and so another almost sleepless night passes. Again.. With that strange dream as well. I had it again, only to awaken with little to no memory of it other than that far-off feeling I can’t quite understand, just as the time before. Strange.. The familiar feeling of a calling still rings inside my soul, but the feeling is too bleak to manifest a clear meaning.

The lack of adequate sleep over the passed few nights prompts me to sleep in a little longer. Afterall, sleep can be just as important as food or water in a survival situation. I’d probably die of exhaustion before I died of starvation out here, especially at this rate. And what harm could come of sleeping in a little late? I got plenty of time to get done what I need to do.

- - -

Hours pass. I wake back up feeling a tad more renewed. My first urge is to check the time, but as my muscles awaken and I bring them to bare, a hefty burden of lethargy weighs me back down to lazy stillness. I feel the need to fall back asleep but, as comforting as that would be I unfortunately know I’ve already wasted enough time. I reach into my pocket for the watch. I feel around… Nothing, It’s not there. I check the other pocket… Also nothing. It probably fell out of my pocket in my sleep. Ugh, that means I actually have to get up and look for it.

I lay there for a little longer, eyes wavering, debating how much longer I want to enjoy just laying here. But at some point I let out a sigh and sit up, spilling the accumulated morning ash off my body. I guess waking up covered in ash is going to be a daily thing. I feel around the ground, digging under the ash in search of the watch and just as I had expected, I find it buried not far from where I languished. A quick check of the time. 3:40 pm. Still plenty of time left in the day for - 3:40?! Damn I really wasted a lot of time sleeping in! That’s a lot of time to make up now. At least the weather today seems much calmer than yesterday, with the haze having cleared up substantially for better than normal visibility.

I grab my z-rat from yesterday, throw it in my bag and scurry out the entrance, bag and rifle in hand. Once outside I hurriedly gait my way to where I left off on my map, back over near the library.

As I come to the library I feel somewhat compelled to search it again but I know there won’t be any point in doing that. So, back to searching houses I go.

- - -

“Searching through these houses is just a waste of time.” I tell myself, the rushing sense of dwindling time still perforating through my body. And Indeed a waste of time it turns to be, as I find nothing in the houses around the library. No matter how deep the search or how long I spend digging through the wreckage, nothing of any sort of remark turns up. This area of town seems completely fruitless. After searching several houses, a check of the time is again in order. Already 4:30.

Somehow while digging through another house, I get an idea. I know that city centers were used as the main focal points for coordinating targetry for the laser arrays. So, it would make sense that maybe things further from the town square might be less embellished and I would have more luck searching there. I don't know if that will hold true, but maybe it’s worth a shot. At this point I don't have much concern for taking a risk like this because for now, the only thing I have to lose is time. And It seems like a good enough idea anyway.

I leap from the house currently under my search and head back the way I came. From the looks of my map, my house is roughly halfway between the town center and the outskirts, so for the sake of keeping close to home I’ll head back there and then continue out to the far reaches of town.

In short time I make it back to home and continue down the street into unexplored territory. I don't bother with rummaging through any of the houses I pass. To me, everything's a waste of time until I get outside of town. I crudely note the path I take down on my map, which ends up looking more like a child's drawing than an actual hand drawn piece of cartography. The path takes me down a single, widened street that branches off into several smaller trails and walkways. The actual size and complexity of the town surprises me the more I explore. I didn’t imagine it to be so sprawling. The curiosity to go down one of the numerous other side streets is strong, but I must stick to the main road and follow it to the end. I pass by several buildings, not paying attention to a single one. Further and further does the road take me and before long the density of houses begins to decline. The number of offshooting trails disappears as well, until finally the trail gives way to the sparsely populated outskirt region of town. At the end of the road, with only one or two houses to my flanks, I find a very peculiar shaped building. The building, somehow mostly intact but too burned to make out any fine details, was built circular compared to the cubicle design of the rest of the town. The roof, also mostly intact, has tipped inwards and collapsed down to the ground floor. While still only somewhat structurally intact, it seems the idea that these buildings on the periphery of town are to be less sullied has some fruit to it after all. Perhaps this building might even make a modest replacement for my hovel, which would be most alluring if it turns out to be sound on the inside as well. But there is only one way to find out.

I climb over the debris where the doorway used to be. Once above it and on the inside I am met with a sight most intriguing. Several half melted plastic Equine mannequins lay strewn about mixed in with the rubble, some of them still draped with charred, discolored fabrics. An amalgamation of assorted scissors, pins, needles, and rolls of twine and fabric litter the floor. All of this adds up to be some sort of sew shop, the workplace of the local seamstress who must have supplied the town with clothes and other garments. These fabrics must have been in short supply or very lavish in price however, I do not recall seeing very many clothed Equine. And of course, curiosity piqued, I must resume my digging now that I have finally found a place of mild interest.

In my own inquisitivity, somehow I end up digging through the trash to find out more about their culture more than I do what I original came for. I’m still so easily fascinated by these little bits of history I’m finding in my search. I yearn to learn more about them, if only there were more intact records of the bygone days to learn from. My hunger to learn more about these creatures grows more and more profound the more I dig through the sew shop... As does the hunger in my inner workings. Speaking of which, given that I haven't had much to eat lately it might be high time for a snack.

I take a moment to clear a place to sit down. My throat is dry from all the ash I’m forced to constantly filter through my airways. I open my pack, pull out the z-rat from yesterday and.. Hmm. Ah shit, I didn't pack any water! I must have been in such a hurry to get out the door I forgot to properly prepare for the day. This suddenly makes me realize that, coupled with the fact that it’s already 6:00 pm that I should wrap up my search and head back home for the night. I can always enjoy my dinner break when I get back home anyway. Yeah, I guess It’s time to head back.

Before leaving I stuff a few tattered sheets of fabric in my pack. These will come in handy as blankets, and although I still have yet to gather a sufficient amount of wood for a fire, this might at least help a little with keeping myself warm through the night. Damn, if it wasn’t for this fabric today would have been completely fruitless.

I gather my things and climb back over the same pile of rubble I used to get in. though I am disappointed at the lack of progress made today I can at least confide in knowing that the outskirts of this town might just prove to be a very excellent source of survival equipment. As I come back down to the outside ground I look out to the hills. Far off in the distance, much further from the town in comparison to other buildings, I see a structure perched on top of a moderate hill. From here I can’t see much detail, but what I can see is a large square wall. Perhaps over there is another building, and given its apparent size from this distance, it looks very well preserved. I check the time.. 6:05… Sundown is in just an hour an a half. I probably don’t have time to make it there and back before then. It would probably be smarter just to head back home. I can always come back to it tomorrow when I have more time. THEN AGAIN… Today has been rather unproductive hasn’t it? Hmm.. I stare at the watch. Tick, tick, tick, tick, 6:06, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick….. With each passing tick, my stance on whether to go to the building waivers back and forth. For and Against, To go there or to go home. Tick, tick, tick, tick, 6:07…. It would be risky, and I can always go back on the next coming day. Oh but how my curious nature loves to get the better of me. But who knows exactly when the drones begin their prowl. It could be after sundown, but it could just as well be as the sun is setting.. The longer I take to make this choice the more time I lose… You know what, forget it. It’s too risky given how much time I have left. I’ll just head home now and come back when I get another chance. Better to give myself more time to search through it anyway.

On second thought…

Against my better judgment I decide to go investigate the lone structure anyway. It shouldn’t take too long to get there. So long as I move quickly and stay focused I should make it there and back with time to spare. Looks to be about 15 minutes to walk there, then I’ll search for 10 minutes tops and then 15-20 minutes to get back. That should get me home before 7:00. I’m there, I’m in, I’m out, I’m home. That quick.

I begin the walk, sights set on the bleak structure silhouetted on the horizon. At the pace I’m going I don't bother to map out my path as I go. There’s nothing this far out of town to draw on a map anyway. The building up ahead appears to be the farthest building from the town. The barren, monochromatic landscape does not lend well to landmark references, so every so often I look back behind me to get eyes on the sew shop for reference. I continue my brisk pace up the hill, all the way up, never slowing down, but constantly looking back to the shop and checking my watch. I reach the summit at 6:20.

The same logic I used earlier about building damage seems to hold true even out here, as this building looks to be in even better condition than the sew shop. The building is large and rectangular with a slanted roof. It’s so well conditioned that even the front door is intact. The only real damage I can see is the steeple, or what's left of it, has fallen from its roost and has been thrown far from the foundation, now laying half buried in the ground before me. A large metal bell is buried alongside it. I approach, and upon closer examination I notice the walls riddled with small bullet holes. They can be found on all sides of the building, mostly gathered in a dense band about waist high. The infantry must have hit this place, and from the looks of it they hit it pretty hard. There must have been Equines still inside when the invasion hit, and from the looks of things, they made a stand here. Unfortunately, I doubt anyone inside at the time would have survived the onslaught. Hundreds of bullet holes can be found in each wall.

I walk up to the front door and press in on it. It crackles but doesn’t budge. I fiddle with the doorknob and press against the door with my shoulder, but still it refuses to open. Perhaps a solid kick is in due favor to open it. The door is locked, and my boot is the key. I wind up for a mighty thrust and power into the door with all my strength. My foot easily smashes through the wood unopposed. The front face of the door cracks, splintering in all directions from the point of impact. But it is a stubborn door, still just as locked as it was five seconds ago only now my foot is caught on the other side. I try to jostle it back out, hopping around and doing every sort of kicking maneuver I can manage while standing on one leg to free my other leg from its sharp, pointed grasp. One kick too hard, and my balance fails me. I fall and land flat on my back. Only after I come crashing down does my foot free itself from the clutches of the stubborn door… How typical.. Good thing there's no one around to see this.

You know what, forget the door. I try to show the building a little respect by entering through the designated passageway and I end up on my ass. Again, I find myself in a position where I’m not entirely sure what I was expecting.

There must be another way in. And after a quick look around of the building, indeed there is. The entire side wall that faces away from town has collapsed, spilling down into a nice ramp one can walk over to get inside. I climb it, and make my way over and inside the building.

The moment my feet hit the rickety wooden floor my nose comes ablaze with a horrific odor. Putrid, foul, something in here is rotting away and not being peaceable about it. The smell is so nauseatingly malodorous I’m forced to cover my nose and mouth, but still even the taste of the odor permeates through into my mouth.

After looking at the contents of the room, the scatter of paraphernalia makes it more than apparent as to the purpose of this building. Several broken child-sized desks lay thrown about, many of them stacked up against the front door. That explains a lot. A blackboard, broken in half lays toppled over at the front of the room. An assortment of pencils and burned notebooks and small backpacks can be found scattered about the floor. This used to be a schoolhouse, and from the looks of it, class was still in session when the invasion arrived. I guess the town hadn’t received warning of its arrival until it was already upon them.

As ghastly the idea that this room was full of children at the time is, I try to ignore it and put it passed me. For along with the education related materials I find, I also discover that much of the floorboards are made of healthy, perfectly burnable firewood. The excitement of this discovery sends me into a mad dash to clear the floor and gather up as much of the wood as I can. I start throwing desks and stools around to make way. I uproot several desks, haphazardly tossing them every which way until I lift one too many and happen upon a grizzly site. I find the source of the horrendous odor. A young Equine’s charred corpse lies underneath a broken desk. It’s whole body crusted over from severe burns. But in my frenzy I’m able to look passed it at the floor. Beneath the corpse, a crack in the floor, a good place to start dismantling the establishment board by board. But in order to get my hands to the crack I have to move the body. I pick up the desk that lay on it, but stop the moment I lift it. The body’s blackened, blistered skin sticks to the bottom of the desk, peeling off from the body like an overcooked marshmallow. Melted on the inside but overcooked and crusty on the outside. Gooey red strands of coagulated blood latch onto the inside of the skin, stretching out as the skin is pulled off the corpse. I let out a groan of disgust. The gruesome spectacle of peeling skin from a fresh body prompts me to drop the desk and just leave the corpse where it lie. I shudder in repulsion at what I just did as I walk away and search for another place to begin tearing up the floorboards. It fortunately doesn't take me long to find another hole in the floor, the whole place is full of holes.

Now gleefully distracted by all the sweet sweet firewood I’ve happened upon I forget about the body and the smell and start ripping up as many floorboards as I can and shove them in my bag. They do not come up easily. They are nailed down to the floor tightly, and often break in half as I use my strength to bruteforce them from the foundation. I’m only able to fit five or six large boards in my bag, plus an entourage of splinters. The fabric I collected takes up most of the room. Hopefully this is enough for one full night of glowing warmth though.

More than elated about the prospect of a full night of rest, wrapped up in sheets and embraced by a warm fire, I forget all about the time. But after I pack my bag full of as much wood as I can fit into every nook and cranny, remembering about my time constraint hits me like a wall. In a mild panic I check the time. 6:57.

I’ve already more than overstayed my welcome, I have to hurry home quick! Sundown is in just half an hour!

I leap over the downed wall and sprint back down the hill. The sun is already caressed by the hillsides, almost halfway obscured behind their veil. The weight of my pack doesn't slow me down one bit despite the unwieldy and unbalanced cargo. It jostles up and down on my back as I hastily canter down the side of the steep hill. I keep my eyes glued on what I think is the sew shop up ahead. A healthy supply of adrenaline courses its way through my muscles and keeps me focused on the task at hand.

I make it to the sew shop. I’ve lost a little breath, but I check the watch and decide there to be just enough time to slow down to an amble and be able to make it back on time. Phew, what a jog. I haven’t done any sort of physical conditioning in quite some time. That quick little jaunt almost hurt. The time is 7:04, a little under half an hour till the sun is fully beyond the scope of the land. That should still give me plenty of time to just mosey my way on back. I shouldn’t be expending so much energy anyway. I slow down to a casual pace and follow the main road back to my home.

What another lucky find. That much firewood all gathered in one place? What are the odds. I think it’s safe to say that firewood can be crossed off my list. That much wood will keep me supplied for a very, very long time.

I follow the long road all the way back. My home is now just in sight, not more than ten heaps of rubble away. And good timing too, the orange sun has set, just barely peeking over the clandestine hills that eclipse its rays. I can’t wait to get home and heat up my spaghetti and enjoy some nice, hot chow. I gotta say it, that risk I took really paid off big time. Finally, after all that searching I finally found something that will help me. I can’t wait to try ---.

A very sudden and vehement snap breaks all silence around me. The snap is soon followed by a series of small crackles and moans and groans of wood. I stop dead in the middle of the road. Not far ahead of me, a still standing house begins to stagger, off balance, waving back and forth before completely collapsing and spilling over into the street in a huge cloud of ash. A structure that size, with that much support still holding it up for that long surely would not have collapsed on its own. It couldn’t have been from me, that’s clearly one of the houses I have yet to check. Something else must have disturbed it. It couldn't have been the wind, this breeze is too gentle to even move something as light as parchment. The only thing strong enough to have toppled over something that big is…. Oh no... Drones.

I dive into a nearby crater and bring my rifle to bear on the house. The adrenaline that had already wound down kicks back into gear. There’s no way a JN87 could have done that. My heart sinks knowing that it could only have been the work of a JN88. They’ve finally found me. One must have been tracking me down this whole time, this is right by my house! I peer through my rifle scope and switch the visual setting to Thermal. I train my rifle to the base of where the building once stood. My thermal optics more than easily bore right through the thick cloud, almost as if it wasn’t there.

The cloud from the building's wake ascends into the sky, consuming the entire street around it. The only way to see passed the heavy veil is through my optics, which have yet to pick up any sign of a thermal signature. The drone must know it made a very detectable noise, and is now hiding amongst the ruins until it calculates it to be safe to come out. Crafty bastard… But that’s okay, so long as I have my rifle trained on the house I can get the jump on ‘im. The moment he pops his stupid little head out of the rubble for a scan, I’ll blast that son of a bitch with a full-power shot.

I press a button to get a range from the laser range finder built into the scope. 73 meters. I’m outside the range of its onboard radar, but only just. I wait.. And wait.. The sun is well passed the precipice and the shroud of night gradually sets. But I must remain vigilant. Any moment now I know that little bastard is going to pop its head out for a scan. I know how these things think.. Part of my survival training included and in depth course on how to deal with both types of drones. The problem with fighting these drones is, you have to have the jump on them long before they can get the jump on you if you want to have a chance. But I know exactly what this drone is doing, it can’t fool me. Aaaany minute now. I just have to wait.

A bead of sweat dribbles down my forehead and onto my nose, where it hangs just at the edge. I ignoring it, keeping my rifle dead set on the house. The mood is tense, as the drone and I are locked into an unnerving game of waiting.. Waiting to see which of us is foolish enough to make a wrong move. A real Who Sees Who First Wins scenario. I remain just as motionless as the drone. Not a sound can be heard…

Much time passes. It’s just beginning to get dark, and still no sign of the drone. I know he’s in there…. But what if he hasn’t come out yet because he knows I'm here.. Shit that means it’s probably signalling for assistance.

…. Shit.. Shit..

Fuck what am I going to do. If I move I might miss my chance but if I stay too long backup might arrive. I can't just sit here, one of us has to make a move. Fuck, oh fuck I am ready to just pull the trigger.

Slowly does the shroud of night increase its shadowy grasp on the landscape. The high-strung intensity of the stand off has me anxiously fidgeting in place, unsure of what my next move should be. One of us has to make a move now, and it looks like it's going to have to be me. I decide to slowly stand up, keeping my rifle dead set on the rubble. Cautiously, bit by bit, step by step, I begin my approach. I keep my finger on the trigger, ready to blast anything the moment it moves. I meticulously skim over the entire pile, scanning back and forth for any sign of something out of place. But despite having moved much closer, my thermals have yet to pick up anything. It can’t see through the debris. It might be using its own camouflaging to hide from me. I stop in the road and switch my scope back to Color. I carefully scan the debris for anything unnatural, anything that looks even a touch off from what I know too well to be in these houses. Slowly, silently, I creep forward to the pile. C-c-c-cruuunch.. I do my best to silence my footsteps, but in this deathly silent world they are the only thing to make any sort of sound. C-c-c-cruuunch……. C-c-c-cruuunch…….. C-c-c-cruuunch…….

After what feels like an eternity I finally reach the pile. It’s just in front of me. I try to suppress the beat of my own heart, but no matter how I try to calm myself it beats like a drum inside my chest, pounding, with a deep rhythm I can almost hear. Bu-bum, bu-bum, bu-bum.. I scan the entire ground around the house, switching between Thermal and Clear periodically. I’m even so bold as to nudge the rubble with my foot. My heartbeat escalates. Bu-bum bu-bum bu-bum.. Oh how’d I love to just fire round after round into this, but I know I can’t be so careless with my precious stock of ammunition.

I start gently poking at the debris with the end of my rifle, ready to jump back at any moment should the slightest movement provoke me. My finger tenses around the trigger, but applies no pressure as I do not want to accidentally let loose a round.

I continue to poke different spots, moving small pieces of wood and uncovering small portions of the rubble underneath. But… There’s nothing. No sign of any sort of metal or artificially mimicked textures. Perhaps.. Perhaps my paranoia is simply getting the best of me. There just doesn't appear to be anything here. Maybe it did just collapse on its own, giving way under its own instability.

I let out a prolonged sigh and begrudgingly lower my rifle.

I feel the urge to scan the surrounding area but.. I know that if anything tried to escape I would have seen it. I would have seen whatever it was scurry off in any direction. Sigh.. Perhaps it really was just the building collapsing under its own weight. Oh shit, what the hell am I still doing out here then? There may not be a drone here but the threat of one being in the area is still very real. I need to get home.

I hop off the pile, still wary for.. Something to happen. And just as I start to walk away from the pile a hint of color in the debris catches the corner of my eye. I raise my rifle back up, and again flows in the adrenaline. BU-bum BU-bum BU-bum... I stare down where I saw the color. Through my Clear optics, buried in the rubble I spot a blot of pale yellow. But.. No part of a drone could be this color. Unless…

I set down my rifle and begin throwing the debris from the pile. Did I just find what I think I found? I keep digging. Soon more color emerges. More yellow, and now strands of pink. Did I..? I think I did.. I think I just found one!

I hurriedly clear the debris, pumped up by knowing what I just found and knowing what time it is. Beneath the rubble, after much digging and tossing I uncover it. Fur of creamy yellow.. Main of carnation pink.. An icon of three butterflies on it’s thigh.. From it’s dainty physique and rounded snout, female. I’ve found a survivor..

Oh this changes everything!

I press two fingers against the inside of her neck. Yes.. Yes there is a pulse. She’s still alive! A little battered up but hey, there’s a pulse!

Now comes the point at where I must make a life altering decision. Do I just leave her here? Leave her to the drones for them to pick clean? Or… Should I take her in…

It’s a difficult decision. I carefully weigh the pros and cons of each side. On one hand, If I take her in that’s just another mouth to feed. On the other hand, I could tend to her wounds, patch her up and maybe gain her trust and have a companion...

I think over the options carefully, the pressure of getting back into the safety of my hovel still pressing down on my already weighted decision.

I…

I.. Hmm.

I can’t leave her. If I leave her here, a drone with find her and might soon discover my encampment. And I can’t just pick her up just to dump her somewhere else. It’s already late enough as it is and that most likely won’t sit well with me afterwards. I.. I have to take her in.

I dig her from the rubble and gently pull her out. I don’t know how injured she is, so I make sure to move her with extreme caution and support as much of her weight as uniformly as I can.. She’s small, only about half my size but that’s average for a female Equine. Lightweight too, I have no trouble lifting and moving her.

After getting her on my back I grab my rifle and quickly amble down the road to my house.

Damn my morality..

Once inside, finally back inside the safety of my hovel, I gently lay her down on the floor, far from where I usually sleep for she could wake up at any moment. She won’t be out forever. Despite having an entire building collapse on her she seems to be in relatively good condition. But for now she’ll rest. Who knows how long it’ll before before she wakes up. It could take minutes.. Hours…. Days…… Shoot I hope it doesn’t take days, I don't think I can contain my excitement for this situation that long. I--.

I clear my throat and settle down. I still have my own self to take care of. Right now, and until she wakes up, it’s back to business.

I should get a fire going.

Chapter 2 - The Wing'ed Equine

Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

The Wing’ed Equine

I dump my collection of wood on the floor. Grabbing one of the sturdier boards I gathered, I use it as a shovel to dig a small pit in the center of the room. Then, I search through the ash for any rocks I can find and line them around the pit. I push all of my wood and kindling into the pit and pull out a spark tablet. All the spark tablet needs to catalyze is a single.. drop, of, water… Drip. I toss it into the kindling. Within seconds the spark tablet sizzles and pops into life, igniting the thin splinters and tinder. I gently blow on the youthful embers to help them grow, help them spread. They breed into a small, dancing flame. It flickers and mingles with the wood. Soon the little dancing flame, having blazed through its infancy, grows and matures into a lively, roaring fire. The radiant warmth steadily swells and embraces me in its kindly hospitality. Before long the entire room is teeming with warmth, illuminated, repelling back the malevolent gloom and chill of the twilight hours with flickering orange radiance.

Ironic… The same force that wrought so much chaos to this world.. Is the most comforting and soothing thing I’ve experienced in a long time. All my troubles.. All my worries and fears melt away with the fervent enthusiasm of the fire. As ever present as those danger still remain, for once I find myself able to relax and take my mind to a different, more receptive state. I feel.. Safe. I feel secure protected in my little hovel. I feel.. At home.

I can’t speak for the Equine however, still motionless on the floor across the fire. She’s probably a long way from home, missing her friends, her family, her loved ones… I can’t imagine what she must have been through to have made it so far in this world. Maybe, over time, after she is revived from her dire slumber I can work to gain her trust and have a companion to keep with me in these dark times. She will be difficult to convince however. I need to show her I’m not like the rest of my kind. Show her that surviving together with someone else is more meliorate than on one’s own. That’s probably going to take a significant amount of effort. All she knows of my people is violence, slaughter, and barbarous savagery. But maybe over time she will come to and see that I’m not the malicious villain she will receive me to be.

Now would probably be a good time to treat some of her injuries while she’s still out cold. I grab my first aid kit and slowly make my way over to her. She remains comatose, numb to the sound of my footsteps. I kneel down beside her and inspect her injuries. There’s not a whole lot I can do for her other than basic treatments to make her more comfortable and prevent infection. But after a meticulous examination, it looks like that's all I’ll have to do.

I start off my treating a small cut lining her cheek. The blood is still fresh, soaked into her thin, creamy yellow fur. I pull out some disinfectant and a cloth, and gently wipe away the blood. As the disinfectant comes to contact that wound, she winces slightly. I reel back, afraid she might wake up but still she remains unconscious. After a brief moment of apprehension, I continue my treatment. At least I know she’s receptive to pain, that’s a good sign that there’s still something going on in her little head. A few small douses of water help wash the blood away. Next I peel open a small band-aid and place it over the cut. That’s all I can do for that, now onto the next.

The bottom of her hooves are also in poor condition. All cut up and burned, probably causing her troublesome spikes of pain as she walked. I do my best to clean and disinfect them. Again, upon contact with the stinging disinfectant she winces but does not awaken. After cleaning her hooves I wrap them in a few layers of bandage tape. That should at least make it a little less unpleasant to walk around. On to the next..

There are only two other injuries I find. Her wings are in a crippled state, the feathers mangled and crooked, and there’s swelling in her front left knee, likely from a breakage or fracture. Now, I’m not exactly an expert in Equine physiology. Treating feathered wings, or any kind of wing for that matter, was definitely not covered in my Combat Lifesaver courses. Nor was ever having to treat an alien creature and nurse it back to health. I can’t be certain I’m actually helping her at all so I decide to skip the wings and treat her leg instead. I can’t blame myself. After all, I’m just a Scout, not a doctor.

The swelling in her leg isn’t too severe. Hopefully her knee has only been fractured. The only thing I can do for this with what little aid equipment I have is fashion an improvised splint. I grab two long pieces of spare wood from the rubble pile and place them parallel to either side of her leg. I use more of the bandage tape to secure them somewhat tightly, and tie the bandaging at the top and bottom of the splint. There. All these applications should at least make things a little bit more comforting for her when she wakes up. Maybe she’ll see my handy work and that might help further with gaining her credence.

I leave her to what is now her side of the room and go back to mine. I find it funny.. How something so meek and fragile can be so unharmed after having been through so much. An atrocious Invasion of her home, an orbital bombardment, a building collapse and who knows what else has transpired in her time.

I still have no idea how she’ll react when she wakes up. She’ll obviously be very frightened of me but it’s not clear where that could lead. My presence might provoke some sort of hostile response which would not end well in her favor. Should I.. build a cage or something? Keep her contained just in case? Maybe bind her so she can’t escape? No, I need to gain her trust through fair treatment, not handling her like some animal. Besides, she’s pretty crippled and even if she did turn hostile there’s not much she would be able to do in her condition.

I spend the next few hours watching over her. I end up opening my spaghetti meal and heating it up for dinner. How amazing it tastes.. Warm food. I never realized what a morale booster that would be. I only eat half of it, sealing the rest back in the container and storing it for later. It wasn't exactly a kitchen prepared meal but who am I to complain. It’s warm food on a cold night, and it’s one of my favorite edible delectables. Eating only half is more than enough to quell my languishing appetence for the time being.

12:30 am

Enough time has passed, I’m sure that she won’t be waking up anytime soon. I pull out the two sheets of fabric I picked up at the sew shop. They’re both tattered and full of holes, but layering them over each other covers most of it into one solid blanket. I hold the sheets over the fire, warm them up a little bit and then curl up tightly with them on the floor. Ah yes, so warm, so comforting. Their embrace staves off the cool night air, leaving me in a state of coddled, jubilant serendipity. Finally, after all this time I might be able to have my first peaceful night of sleep. The only thing that could possibly keep me awake is excitement, anticipating the revival of my little Equine rescue. I begin to think that at some point I should name her. They say it’s dangerous to name things in dark times because of attachment, but what harm could that possibly bring me? But that idea passes. Excitement turns to withering fatigue. My eyes, already closed become heavy with debility from the lack of sleep. Soon, I begin to slip into the welcoming abyss of a good night’s rest..

Day 4

Yesterday, Day 3 was very… Uneventful. In the early afternoon, I made a quick jaunt over to the old schoolhouse for more firewood with an empty pack. I headed straight back home after gathering a full load. Nothing else was done outside, I didn’t want to spend too much time afield just in case my new “friend” decided to wake up. I also made a few small renovations to my home throughout the day. I used one of my sheets and a few pieces of wood to make a door flap for the entrance. Along with that, I cleaned up all the ash and debris inside and cleared out most of my floor space. There’s quite a bit more room inside now, plenty of room for I and my rescued survivor to have a comforting amount of space. I still wake up every morning covered in ash. Perhaps on another day I will run back to the sew shop for more fabric and plug up most of the ceiling to finally put an end to that.

The only event of the day to excite me was, upon returning from the schoolhouse I had notice the Equine had changed positions. I made a bit of noise and splashed a little water on her to see if she would wake up but still, she remains deeply engulfed in a comatose. But it was still very stimulating to have found that she moved in her sleep. She could be awake any day now. I’m still terrified to try and predict how she’ll react. These circumstances are certainly… Unique. I never imagined I’d be in this kind of situation. Stranded, alone on a dead world, cut off from all I know, taking care of some alien I found in a pile of refuse who’s technically the enemy… Definitely a very unique scenario I was in no way prepared for. And yet here I am, still somehow managing to handle things well.

- - -

The start of day four was slow at first just as the previous day. I haven’t made any preparations for the day for I sense the waking of the Equine is imminent. I’ll only go out today if an extreme need arises but that is unlikely. Today can just be a rest day that is well deserved. I’ve been working hard, burning a lot of calories that are not easy to gain back. Everyday I can feel myself getting a little bit weaker as the malnutrition sets in. But that’s okay, because for now I have everything I could possibly need. Eventually I’ll have to go out in search of a reliable source of food and water. But until I need to, that can wait. I’ve only made it through one and a half packs of water from my original eight, and still haven't even finished an entire Z-Ration. These things will someday become an issue but like I said, for now I have everything I need.

11:43 am

I’ve been sleeping in all morning. I lazily roll over, dust myself of the morning ash and check the time. Almost noon. But I don’t care, I have nothing planned for today anyway.

As noon rolls around the urge to eat something hits hard. I decide to check what’s left in my Z-Ration but debate on weather or not to eat it now or save it. The moment I reach into my bag and pull it out I hear a faint noise that petrifies me. It was soft and quiet, almost completely inaudible but there’s no doubt in my mind about what made the noise. I slowly turn to the Equine. It was her, she made the noise. Twas the sound of a stifled whine. She has curled herself up into a ball, facing the wall opposite the room from me. The moment I’ve been waiting for, the moment of her awakening has finally arrived. Now.. What the hell do I do next?

I listen to her as she lets out a series of pathetic whimpers and sniffles. I am careful not to make even the slightest of sounds. But she is less cautious of her own noise discipline, and soon the petty snivels turn into what sounds like someone quietly crying to them self. What do I even do? Do I say something and announce my presence? Does she already know I’m here? Is she crying because she scared, or maybe just in pain? What would I even say to her?

“Hello?” I say in a calm voice.

Her quiet sob quickly disappears and she coils up tightly. But no response other than that. I know she’s definitely awake and alert now.

“Are you.. Okay? Do you want something to eat?” I know she can understand me.

Still nothing, not even a peep. She just lays there silently, frozen in place. She must be startled to the point of being inanimate. I would be too if I suddenly found myself in the captivity of the aliens who inexplicably destroyed my entire world.

After some time passes, still not a single murmur of acknowledgment exchanged between us, I decide to stand up. Her ear perks up and twitches over to face my direction. She can hear me coming. I quietly take a few steps over. She curls up tighter and tighter every time my heavy boots imprint into the ash. But I continue closer, doing my best to remain as silent as I can manage. One step too close, and she raises her head and snaps over to look at me. Her eyes meet mine and she freezes. My eyes meet hers and I freeze midstep. On my face, an awkward expression of being caught off guard. On hers, a grimace of complete fear and terror. Eyes wide, mouth agape in shock. She is the first to move. She turns away from me and tries to stagger to her feet. But in her weakened state, legs provoking too much pain, she can barely manage to hold herself up. She’s in too much pain to stand, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to escape. She lets out a series of half screams, but her voice breaks and cracks as she desperately tries to pull herself across the floor away from me. She’s even too weak to vocalize properly. All the while I remain in place, still so bewildered as to how to handle the situation.

She gnaws at the bandages around her hoof at one moment, the next moment she continues to try and drag herself across the floor. She switches between the actions, clearly in such a panicked state that she doesn't know what to do either. With all the strength she can muster, I see her start crawling for the exit.

“No no no no no!” I say. “I’m here to help you see? Don’t be afraid, I’m not going to hurt you!”

I say whatever I can think of to try and calm her down. But still she continues to try and pull herself to the exit, a trail of tears drop to the floor in her sluggish path. But eventually, not even halfway across the room yet she gives up and breaks down into a heavy, hopeless sob. Even she knows it’s no use, and that she’s too weak for her own good. The situation to her is forlorn, her attempts to escape are in vain, and realizing the pointlessness of it all she quits. Now she just lays in place, crying loudly on the floor. A small puddle of tears forms on the ground beneath her eyes.

I.. I don't even know what to do. I continue to stand in place.

12:30 pm

By now she appears mostly to have calmed herself. Her heavy sob has dwindled back down to a pitiful whimper. What does a guy even do in this kind of situation? I know that she desperately needs something to eat, and even more so something to drink, but I’m afraid if I try to approach her again I might be met with the same reaction as before. And I can’t just leave her unattended like this, who knows what she’ll try. I guess my only option is to go back to waiting. That’s what I’ll do, I’ll start up another fire and hope that I can gain her trust and comfort via proximity.

1:15 pm

She still hasn’t moved, not even an inch since her last little episode. But she has stopped crying. I can’t tell if she’s just being quiet or has slipped back into an exhausted slumber or if she’s just listening and waiting. Or dead. I hope she hasn’t died on me, that would be most tragic.

1:20

“You know… It’s probably been a while since you last had some water. I have some if you want it. In fact you probably need it. So I’m just going to get some out, and then I’m gunna walk over very slowly, not trying to hurt you in any way, just trying to get you some water.”

I stand up, a packet full of fresh water in hand and slowly tiptoe over. She still hasn’t moved, I can’t tell if she heard me or not. She’s so hard to read.. But I am getting closer to her, much closer than she allowed me to last time.

Once I am but a few steps away, she tightens back up into a ball.

Well, at least I know she’s still awake. And she isn't trying to escape yet so that's… good. Perhaps she knows she’s too weak and has given up completely. I am very certain however that she has zero trust in me. Everything I’ve said to her could have easily just gone in one ear and out the other for all I know. But I am close, practically in arms reach of her.

“I have some water for you.” I say, pulling the rubber short-hose out for her to drink from. “Okay, I’m just going to squat down beside you, we’re gunna get reeeaaal close, and I’m just going to put this hose in your mouth for you. Okay? Okay. Here we go.”

Her eyes open half way as I kneel down but she doesn’t look at me. She just keeps her eyes fixed on a point ahead of her. They seem dead, her whole physique seems worn but I know she still has some fight left in her.

As I bring the straw close to her snout she turns her head away, avoiding the straw. Puzzled, I try to speak to her. “It’s just water. You need to drink this, it’s good for you, yeah?”

I make another attempt at putting the straw to her mouth, but likewise I’m met with the same reaction. She turns her head to avoid the straw. This slightly frustrates me but I understand. I hide my annoyance, I’m still determined to do what I must to gain her trust.

“Okay, you don't want me to give it to you, that’s fine. I’ll just set it here beside you instead. If you’re thirsty enough you’ll drink it eventually.”

I set the water down by her head where she can see it and return to my side of the basement. It’s not long after I sit down that I see her begin to reach with her lips for the straw. Yes, she’s actually going to drink it. A warm sense of accomplishment begins to grow within me. It builds further as she successfully reaches the hose and begins drinking.

“Make sure you drink it slowly, just sip at it for now.” I say, still happy to see what she’s doing. She must have heard me. At first she was trying to swallow up all she could but now that I’ve said that she’s slowed down. I don’t know if hydration works the same for her as it does for me. Drinking water slowly when dehydrated is just something they tell us in training.

I’m elated to see her continue to drink. I almost want to get up and sit back down right beside her and have a nice chat but I know she’s not ready for that yet. I don’t even think I’m ready for that yet either. I do feel like she’s starting to trust me though if she's willing to accept my offering.

“You must be hungry.” I say aloud. “I’ll heat you up something to eat, hold on.”

But what does an Equine even eat? Boy, that’s a question I never thought I’d have to find an answer to. I only have a very basic understanding of their culture and lifestyle. I’ve never been so up close and personal with one before. At least not since… Nevermind, that’s a memory I’d like to forget.

I remember back to our Old Earth History classes. Sometimes those classes would cover things like wildlife. I seem to remember about a thing called a horse which looks just like these Equine only much larger. I recall that they liked grassy and grainy foods as their primary diet. But those were Old Earth horses, not Gliese 581g Equines.

Grain… hmm.. I could give her the rest of my spaghetti ration. That has grain in it, artificial grain at least. A half portion would definitely be a sizable meal for a creature her size.

I come to the realization that I do indeed now have a second mouth to feed, and that cuts my rations in half. I need to start thinking of a way to reverse that.

I take the spaghetti meal and set it in front of the fire to warm it up a little. The Equine continues to sip on the water, a little over half way done with the entire packet. She must have been exceedingly thirsty, I don’t recall seeing her ever stop to take a break.

I let the spaghetti heat up for only a short time before picking it back up and bringing it to her. As I approach I’m careful to let her know of my intentions. “Now this, this is human food, okay? I can’t promise you’ll like it but it’s all I’ve got.”

I place the package by her head, the open side facing her mouth. This time, instead of moving her head away, she shoots an unsure look at me. I can see an almost calm look in her wide blue-green eyes, only a slight visage of fear in them. I motion her to eat. She looks at it curiously, cautiously. She begins to tongue at it. A quick taste is all she needs to realize what it is. Her expression instantly changes, and she shoves her snout into the package, trying to eat like she hasn’t eaten in days. It probably has been days since she last had a decent meal.

She struggles, the further in she reaches with her snout the further away she pushes the package. She’s going to need a little bit of help. I grab the back of the package and hold it to her mouth. She doesn’t react to my hand being so close. She does however continue to ravenously consume the spaghetti, slurping it up and using her tongue to scoop as much of it as she can into her mouth. Her snout is covered in the red sauce, looking like a child enjoying a messy meal for the first time. She’s almost thankful for my assistance. It surprises me that she’s able to finish the entire portion so quickly. She must have been without a meal for quite some time.

“See? I knew you were hungry.” She continues to eat as if I don’t exist. Though the package is almost completely empty she continues to tongue and sniff around for the last scraps she can find. I pull it away, her snout dripping with sauce. She raises a hoof slowly to wipe her face but stops as she notices the bandages. I see a look in her eyes as she examines them. I can tell she wants to take them off, she looks for a place to start unraveling them. “No, keep those on. I put them there, they're to help you get better.”

She looks to me and stares into my eyes as I speak, an unsure look across her face. The side of her mouth, still covered in sauce quivers slightly. It quivers for a short time, I can already tell that some part of her wants to smile. She perks into a very faint half smile before stopping herself. We hold our gaze for some time. Seeing her try to smile raises me into a half smile myself. I decide to ask her a question. “So.. Do you speak?” She drops her smile to a frown at my question and looks away. Forgetting how weak she is, she tries to stand on her own and walk away. But just as before, the moment she puts weight on her fractured leg she staggers and falls back to the ground.

“No no no, don’t try to stand.” I say. “Here, I’ll just give you some space instead.”

I walk back to my half of the room and sit down. She’s still looking away from me, her head down in a mournful bow. I speak to her again. “So now that I’m over here, aaaall the way over here, let’s try again. Can you speak at all?” She offers no response. “You’re pretty shy aren’t you?” This time her ear perks up to face me when I mention the word Shy. I guess it’s a way to show she agrees somehow. “That’s alright, I understand. We have plenty of time to get to know each other though yeah?”

I spend the next few minutes trying to coax her into saying something but she seems adamant to not use her voice. Eventually I give up an decide I’ll try again later.

2:51 pm

The fire is beginning to burn low. Regrettably I’ve already used up my entire stock of wood. It is now time for me to make another run to the schoolhouse. “Alright stay here, whatever your name is. I’ll be out for a little bit but I’ll be back with more wood.” As I come to the door flap I look back to her. She sits on her hind legs staring at me. There’s no expression on her face. “Okay, just wait here. I’ll be back.” I leave in hopes she’ll still be there when I get back.

I really should come up with a name for her at some point. I’m thinking I should wait a little longer before picking one, until I uncover a little more about her personality for something that fits. The only trait I’ve noticed so far is her glaring shyness. And quiet, she’s very quiet. I can’t wait to find out more about her. Maybe when she can walk well again I’ll bring her out on expeditions with me and we can have some nice bonding time. I know that there’s a voice inside her somewhere, I guess it’ll just take a considerable amount of time to unlock it.

3:44

I return home with my backpack filled to the brim with as much wood as I could manage to cram in. There’s still so much extra wood back there. Running out of fuel for my fire won’t be something I'll have to worry about for a long time. Food however is becoming an issue. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll go out and try to hunt down some sort of trace or clue that might lead me to some. I have no idea what that clue might look like but nevertheless, I have eaten less than one days’ worth of food in the last five days I’ve been out here. I had a scheduled ration plan but all that has changed since I picked up this survivor. I don’t even know where I would ever find food in a place like this though.

I slip through the door flap with my bag so full the wood sticking out of the top gets caught on the fabric and almost tears the whole thing down. Once inside I notice my belongings scattered, the wing’ed Equine poking her nose through them. She notices me before I’m able to do anything about it and panics before guiltily walking back to her side. She’s finally on her feet! That intrigues me more than why she was rummaging through my gear. Though all of it is now scattered across my side of the room, I decide to not let it get the better of me. “Curious little one aren’t you?” She ignores me and continues with her bashful stifle.

Without acknowledging her I clean up the mess and unload my haul. The fire has reduced to just a few dying embers but it doesn’t take long to bring it back to a roar with plenty of fuel to eat.

I must admit, this day is getting more and more interesting by the hour.

- - -

Both of us sit in silence on opposing sides of the fire. My gaze is focused on the dancing flames. The Equine, sitting upright on her hind legs, hangs her head low. We both seem to be in a state of deep reflection. While she thinks of.. Whatever she could be thinking of I think about what the hell I’m going to do next. I start making up plans and ideas for traps in case I run into a drone. That soon transpires into thoughts of how I’m going to further take care of this survivor, and maybe what to name her. All these thoughts are only to pass the time. As of yet, her and I have nothing to do to pass the time but sit quietly, thinking and watching the fire. At this time of day it’s too late in the evening to do anything productive outside but also too early to fall asleep. The stale doldrum has me trying to figure out anything I can do to make the time pass quicker so that the next day may come.

I look to my Equine friend. Head down, eyes closed, deep in her own private thoughts. Her long pink main drapes over half her face, almost touching the ground. I wonder what she could be thinking about. There’s only one way to solve that mystery. I could ask, but I already know her only response will be reserved silence. I’ll leave her to her thoughts for now. Between us is a somber calmness, the silence only disturbed by the crackling fire. By the look on her face I can tell she’s having unpleasant thoughts. Probably still coping with the recent traumas inflicted on her. Those thoughts are most likely a sensitive subject and it would be best not to bring them up.

8:00 pm

Hours have passed and still neither word nor wandering eye has been shared. Not until, as I stare into the heart of the fire, I notice her make a brief glance my way. I look back, but she simply looks away. The silence between us is now starting to get a little awkward. The tension is almost palpable, as I know I want to say something but my mind and mouth refuse to agree on a uniform phrase. We trade off a few more awkward glances. Every time I look at her she looks away, and not long after I also avert my gaze she returns with hers. The next time she looks I try to catch her and make contact, but she simply shuts her eyes, but also subtly clears her throat.

“D-d-do you h-have and more f-food?” She finally breaks the uncomfortable silence. Astonished at the softness yet clarity in her smooth voice, I stare at her. The question catches me off guard, as if a ghost had nuzzled its way up to my ear and tickled it with strands of silk. I give her a surprised look.

“You finally spoke.” I reply. She lowers her head further in embarrassment. Then, yes, I realize what she asked.

“Oh, y-yes of course I have more food. Hold on let me go get some.”

All that is left from the Z-Ration I’ve been slowly working on is a half melted stick of butter that was supposed to be for the snack bread and a pair of plain tortillas. It’s not much to work with but it’s all that’s left for this ration. Looks like I’ll have to make due.

I lather both tortillas with the butter, heat them up by the fire and carefully hand her one. She eases into taking it from my hand, not sure what she’s looking at. She grabs it with both hooves and takes a bite. Though I know she’s still hungry she doesn’t seem at all enthusiastic about this as she was with the spaghetti. But she doesn’t shy away from eating it, clumsily holding it between her bandaged hooves and taking small bites.

“It’s okay to say something.” I say reassuringly. “It would help a lot if you did, communication between us is going to be important.” She makes no gesture of response.

“Do you have a name?” Again, nothing. She doesn’t even bother to look up from her food. “Okay, well if you don’t tell me your name I’ll just have to make one up for you.”

There’s a certain special name that’s been lingering in my mind for many years. It’s the first thing that pops into my head. A long time ago, I once had a wife who was due to bare a child that never came to be. The name for my late daughter still holds its place in my memory. I hold it close, like the name of a lifelong friend whom I could never forget. It’s perfect for the moment.

“Okay. you won’t tell me your name yet so… Allie. I’ll call you Allie.”

And so from here forth until she finally gains the bravery to speak again, and maybe confides in me enough trust to let me know her personal identity, this shall be her placeholder.

The rest of the evening is uneventful.

Chapter 3 - Bonding

Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Bonding

Over the last 3 days a lot has happened between Allie and I, but not a lot for us. It's been the same thing every day. Go out, get more wood, more fabric, look for sustenance, dig through some rubble, rinse and repeat. Though I’ve been going out more my main focus has been back at home taking care of Allie.

She's really starting to open up. We’ve gotten comfortable enough with each other that I can approach her without issue. She's not much for chatter but she chimes in with a question every now and again; Where are you going, can I come too, to which my response is usually “Not until you can walk well on your own.” I guess she's really itching to get out of this cramped, dirty hole and stretch her legs. She is making quite a speedy recovery however. She’s been able to stand and walk on her own the only thing I’m worried about is for how long. I wouldn't want to go out with her and end up having to carry her back along with whatever we dig up. The other day I took most of her bandages off. The only thing she has on now is a knee brace I fashioned yesterday. She is on her way to a healthy recovery, much faster than I could have anticipated in the beginning.

Turns out Allie knows the layout of this town. She spent most of her life here, says it's called Ponyville or something like that. She won't tell me much about it. All I know is that she and all her little pony and animal friends used to call it home. I’m anxious to find out more but I know she avoids talking about it. I guess she's still coming to terms with her new reality. I’m still trying to come to terms with things myself, or at least why the hell I'm still here and have made it this far.

As far as resources go we’re about halfway through our water supply and coming up on halfway through food. On my own I managed to stretch a single Z-Ration out for five whole days. But now that I have her to take care of we managed to finish another one in just three days. Aside from our seemingly irreversible food situation, everything else is just fine. We have plenty of supplies and comforts at our disposal now. I got around to making us some sleeping bags and finally clogged up the parts of the ceiling where ash keeps leaking through. The only luxury we lack now is something to pass time. Yesterday Allie showed me a game called Tic-Tac-Toe which was pretty fun at first, but after a riveting session of 63 games in one sitting, it lost its charm. We’ve been trying to come up with other ways to fritter away the passing hours but it always comes back to sitting and silently watching the fire. Or making small, mindless renovations.

Day 8

Just over a week, one long week since my desertion. Today also would have marked the start of the 4th month since planetfall. I’m still somewhat surprised with myself I’ve managed to make it this far with as little adversity as I’ve run into. I used to be sure I would have been spotted and killed off by a drone by now, but I’m either just really lucky or they're not doing their jobs right. That or me running out of a vital resource and perishing as a result, or something along those lines.

8:24 am

“Alright Allie, I’m going out for a long time today. I probably won't be back until around sundown so I'm trusting you to stay here and do… Something. I don't know, just stay here and be safe okay?”

I pack my bag with a spot of food, water, and an extra 30 rounds of ammo and prepare for a long day. The lack of drone sightings has me a little on edge. I’ve been bringing extra ammunition along with me and occasionally scouting the borders of town for them but not a single one has turned up.

I throw my bag and rifle over my back and confidently head for the exit.

“Can I come too?” Allie asks timidly as I open the door flap. She looks at me with a spire of hope in her eyes, head tilted slightly to one side.

“Not today. I’m going to be doing a lot of walking. Just stay here like I said.”

I turn for the door but stop again as I hear her trotting up behind me. Defiantly, she seems stern that she wants to make today the day. I notice now the she no longer trembles when she puts weight on her bad leg.

“You sure you're able to go that long? We’ll be walking awfully far.”

She looks to her injured leg and then back to me, and nods.

“Okay, you can come. But I’m not carrying you back if you fall out.” I say jokingly.
Once beyond the breach Allie stops abruptly. There's a blank expression on her face as she surveys her ruined hometown, taking it all back in. I give her a moment with her silence before alerting her. I guess being cramped up in that hole for so long she forgot what the outside world had turned into. Eventually she moves on, not commenting or expressing a thing. She follows me around town as if it's business as usual.

“Alright, our priority for today is to find a way to restock our food and water supply. So just keep your eyes out for anything that might help us.”

We wander through the town silently. So silently that if it weren't for our footsteps the only sound one would hear is vacant ringing in the ears. Allie does not comment on anything she sees as she passes through the streets. I can see she's avoiding looking around much. She doesn't know it but I’m guiding our way to the library tree to see if she can't help me learn a little more about the place. It’s a little bit of a walk, so I decide to strike up a conversation.

“Sooo… Ponyville eh? You used to live here?”

She lets out a heavy sigh and says “Yes”, a twinge of sadness hangs on the end of it. Perhaps this wasn't the best question to start things off with. But oh well, I already said it so I might as well go with it.

“Is there anything you can tell me about it?”

“Um, W-well it used to be a nice little town. Before The Inferno…”

“The Inferno? Is that what you call it?”

“That's what we all called it.”

I stop in the middle of the road. “What? We?”

She looks at me with a mixture of sorrow and anger. “There used to be more of us.” she says, continuing on down the road.

I must have struck a nerve, she seemed uncharacteristically upset with that one. I wish there was something I could say to dissuade her negative outlook of me. But I know there's nothing. Despite how morally against I ever was about how we handled the invasion, In her eyes I will always be one of those monsters. I doubt I will ever truly be able to gain her full trust.

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean to be angry.” she says. “It's just been really hard--”

She stops to let out a few tears. Again, an overbearing sense of guilt washes over me. I go on and try to say something that might peacefully dissolve the situation.

“It's okay. I don't blame you at all for how angry you feel. What we did was pretty horrible, and I know that to you I’ll always be the bad guy. But for what it's worth, unlike the rest of my people I knew what we were doing was wrong. Believe me, if I had the power to fix everything or stop it all from ever happening in the first place, I would.”

She makes no remark, but continues on walking and gazing to the ground. I sigh, and continue with what I was saying.

“You’ll never trust me and may not ever like me but that's fine given what my people did but, *sigh*, I just wish I could show you I did what I could to avoid this. And now look where I’ve ended up.”

She continues with her silence. After a short while though she apologizes again. “For what?” I ask.

“I just don't know what to say. I just… Oh please don't be mad at me.”

I reassure her that I’m not. She goes on to say -

“But not everything was destroyed. The sun and moon still rise like they're supposed to. Somewhere out there, the two princesses are still working to make sure day and night pass as a symbol of hope for ponies like me to not give up.”

As much as I want to tell her the truth about that I stop myself. I know full well that her sun and moon goddesses are dead. As my role in the invasion, my unit was tasked with wiping their capital city off the map in the first days. We knew about their “princesses”, how powerful and influential they were, so our main objective was to kill them. Their entire culture revolved around these two, so command decided that destroying their center of morale would be the fastest way to get the Equines to submit. I was one of the first soldiers on the ground. I know what I saw. I saw the tank round that killed their sun goddess. It obliterated her. And it wasn't long after that that an infantry company reported that they had killed the moon goddess. The sun and moon still rise as they are supposed to, from the rotation of the planet, not some farcical magic powers they had. It was all a big hoax, and yet even now she still believes in it. I don't have the heart to tell her this, so I won't.

We come to within view of the library.

“Do you know what this is?” I ask

“Yes. This.. this tree used to be the town library. Twilight and all my friends used to come here all the time. *Sigh..* Twilight..”

Allie walks into the center of the library and stands still. She reminisces about the good memories she used to have here. But instead of digging through anything in search of memorabilia, she just stands there quietly, respectful of the silent nature.

“Let’s go.” she says, after several minutes of reserved peace. As usual she seems to be avoiding bringing up her past.

“Okay. You can lead the way now.” I say. “You know your way around this place better than I do. Anywhere specific you want to go? Maybe show me your old house or --”

“No!” She cries out. Her voice echoes through the barren streets. “I mean.. no. We can't go there.”

“Alright, fair enough. Too sensitive I'm guessing?”

“Umm.. Yes.. and it's very far from here, I don't think I could make it all the way there.”

“Okay then, so should we--”

“Let's just stay in the town. I’m sure there's still sooo much more to find here. I still need to get used to the new.. Ponyville.”

“It's fine. Come on, we got plenty of town to explore!”

I follow my map and lead us to unexplored territory. Once there I instruct her on what to do.

“Alright Allie. So basically, just sift through all these piles of rubble and let me know if you find anything interesting.”

I go to the nearest house to me and begin digging. Allie comes up beside me and starts picking up the smaller debris she can actually lift.

“Fluttershy.” she says.

“Huh?”

“My name. My name is Fluttershy.”

“Oh so she does have a name. Fluttershy huh? Fitting, you're shy, and you have wings.. Makes sense.”

There's a moment of silence as we dig together.

“So.. what's your name?” She asks.

I pause and hesitate about telling her my real name. In the culture I was raised, personal names have no use other than being able to give ourselves a personal identity. It's seen as taboo to talk about your personal identity with others, and it's only ever revealed to those whom you become very close to. It's just another facet of our society where everything is for the greater good. There is no self, everyone works and lives for everyone else. Anything that is held personally from others is frowned upon. Only one person has ever known my name, my late wife.

The way naming works for us then, is while one is developing in a surrogation pod, a computer randomly assigns you an Old Earth first name and last name. And the initials of that become the first two letters of your three letter name. Mine are J and A. The third letter comes at the moment of birth.

Each surrogate pod takes a slightly different amount of time to fully developed a human newborn before birthing. It helps promote genetic diversity, which is difficult to find naturally aboard a starship where most people have become infertile. All births are automated and closely regulated. Each birthing order consists of exactly 26 births, 13 male and 13 female, one for each letter of the alphabet. I was born the 25th of 26 in my birthing order, so my final initial is X. My name known to all aboard the starship is “J-A-X”. I don't bother to explain any of this to her however.

“Jax. My name is Jax.”

“Umm, well, it's nice to meet you Jax. Why do they call you that?”

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you about it some other time."

“Oh, okay.. I’ll just keep digging then..”

We continue to rummage through a particularly uninteresting house together. Fluttershy can only manage to move the smaller pieces of it all, which isn't much help but at least we’re working together now. The conversation picks up again while we move to search another house.

“Excuse me, Jax? Umm..”

“Yeah? What's up Fluttershy?”

“Thank you.”

I stop walking.

“For what?”

“For saving me and not leaving me there. E-even though you could have.”

“Well I couldn't just leave you there. Afterall, you and I? We're not so different.”

“And thank you for taking such good care of me. Usually I’m the one taking care of small, hurt little creatures.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Oh yes.” She turns to show me her side, pointing to the three butterflies on her rear thigh. “See these? This is my cutie mark. I have mine because I'm good at understanding and caring for other creatures.” She now seems somewhat excited to share this with me. She continues on -

“Usually only ponies have them. We each earn ours whenever we discover what our unique and special talent is.”

“Hmm, Interesting..” I try to think of how that all works but fall short for an explanation. But regardless, right now I’m deathly fascinated on the inside to be learning all of what she's telling me. “So how'd you discover what yours was then?”

She goes on to very enthusiastically tell me the lengthy story of her childhood. How she lived in a city in the clouds, fell from it into a forest and how she was enigmatically charmed by the wondrous nature she discovered down below. Much like myself, she was mesmerized by how beautiful this place used to be. The story goes on as we dig through the next several houses. It often distracts her from helping me sift but I don't mind. In all honesty with her being of such a small stature, she wasn't making much of an impact anyway. But it's still appreciable to see her try.

“And I spent the rest of my life in Ponyville which was the perfect place to meet all kinds of woodland critters. I had so many animal friends. I had a bunny named Angel, a big brown bear named Barry, a tortoise named Terry and.. Oh, I miss them very much..”

“Yeah, I can see why. But like I said a while ago, you and I aren't that different. We both used to have friends and family, a life, things we loved, and then we both lost it all and now, here we are. We’re both out here, just trying to exist and make our way.”

I try to change the subject to something a little less.. Despondent. “So this Twilight person you mentioned earlier… Who was she? Was she close?”

“Oh.. *Sigh* She used to be my best friend.. I don't really feel like talking about it-”

Fluttershy almost reverts back into a deep sadness but catches herself.

“Okay. I'm sorry for bringing it up then.” I really need to stop asking questions like that. “Let’s talk about something else then.”

“Like?”

“Like.. Oh, here's a question for you. The day I found you, after that house collapsed on you. What exactly were you doing there?”

Fluttershy, no longer in much of a mood to talk, makes a familiar response I used earlier when asked about my name.

“*Sigh* It's a long story” she says. “I don't want to talk about it right now.”

“...Fair enough.”

There's yet another long, awkward silence as we continue to scavenge. We make it all the way to the end of the street before we speak again.

“Um excuse me, Jax? Could we take a break to um, eat?”

I check the time. 1:33 pm already? Wow, where did the time go? I guess finally having someone to speak to while I do this really helped move things along.

I agree with Fluttershy that it's time to stop for a nice snack. I make a cozy spot for us to sit down at and pull out a Z-Ration. The first thing I pull from it, a large meal with three courses worth of food in a single package. Steamed Rice and Vegetables (Artificial) is labeled on it in red, dotted lettering. Perfect. Even though it's just the side dish for this ration it can easily feed a single soldier for an entire day, breakfast lunch and dinner all in the form of Nutrient Rice and synthesized vegetables. One quarter portion each should be enough to tide us over.

After taking her first bite of it, Fluttershy comments that the food tastes rubbery. To me it's what I’m used to, I never thought it tasted like that. All of the food I've ever eaten is artificial and has that taste. I explain to Fluttershy that where I’m from, we can't produce or gather food naturally, it's all processed and synthesized by bionic machinery. The added benefit of our food is that we can pack several times the normal nutritional value of a single meal into much smaller portions. Our food must be that way, many of us require very high nutritional diets. Fluttershy then goes on to tell me about a thing called farming, a form of natural food production I had never heard of. She describes that one can grow all sorts of fresh, luscious, amazing tasting foods. Some of which I never knew there was a name for like carrots, corn, and apples, which are apparently the most delicious fruit a pony can eat. The concept of fresh tasting food fascinates me so deeply that I end up asking Fluttershy to describe the taste of an apple several times. Each time she tries to describe it differently but I stop asking once I realize she's running out of ways to word it. It sounds so delicious, so ambrosial. What I wouldn't give just to try one.

Likewise with my poignant obsession with their culture, Fluttershy seems almost as equally interested in mine. We trade off telling each other about different aspects of our lives. I tell her about where I came from and she tells me more about Ponyville. I tell her a story I had from my training days and likewise she shares a story about a time she went to do a thing called swimming. Some of what I share about myself sometimes comes off as a little too complicated for her to understand. Things like starships and interstellar travel or even what space is. She never knew that the sky above even had a definite end. None of her kind had ever made it up there before apparently. Some technical ideas I try to explain to her don't quite hit their mark, and she naturally waves it off as some form of high level magic ponies had yet to discover. And, as she tries to explain the mechanics of magic to me I try to put some sort of scientific backing to it but also end up finding it puzzling. We both have a tricky time understanding each other's cultures but we're both ecstatic about getting the chance to explain it to the other.

We talk for the next several hours about whatever comes to mind, forgetting all about our mission for the day just to have a nice break from it all. For the first time I think her and I can agree we’re actually starting to appreciate each other’s company. In a way stronger than just two people trying to survive off each other. We feel a close bonding in friendship beginning to form. Oh how wonderful it is to have that kind of bond with someone again. I've spent nearly all of my life around the same faces everyday, rarely ever going beyond simply greeting one another as we passed shoulder to shoulder in a crowded corridor. Finally I get the chance to know someone on a personal level, a feeling I’ve been deprived of for quite some time.

5:00 pm

“Welp, Fluttershy, I think it's high time we get back to work yeah?”

“Oh, okay. Well it was lovely chatting with you.”

“You know for someone so shy you sure have a lot to say.”

She chuckles lightly. “Thanks.”

“It's evening time. Sun's getting low. We should probably start working our way back towards home so we’re not too far when the drones come out.”

“Drones?” She asks, tilting her head to the side.

“Yeah, drones. You know, those metal things that roam around at night?”

“Drones…” She looks to the ground, thinking for a moment. Suddenly she gasps, her mouth hangs open and her eyes widen with dread. She enters a petrified trance. Whatever she's thinking about puts her into a 1000 yard stare. “Nightcrawlers!” She says, jaw trembling.

She stands there, a hoard of terrible memories flood back to her all at once.

“Hey, you okay?” I try to snap her out of it, but she remains fixed in her trance.

“We have to go back." she finally says, almost inaudibly.

“What?”

“No no NO! We have to go back now before the Nightcrawlers--”

“Hey take it easy, we still have plenty of time before--”

“I need to go back now!” Her shrieked voice pierces the otherwise silent world. I hear it echo three times before everything lulls back to its naturally quiet nature.

“..Fine. We’ll go back.”

It's a quick 20 minute jaunt back home. I say quick, but it would have been much quicker if Fluttershy had not been so abnormally paranoid the entire way back. For the whole of the trip, she cowardly tiptoed behind me and I had to usher her on many times. She was very on edge, always looking around and acting certain that at any moment a 'Nightcrawler’ would jump out and attack us. No matter what I said or how annoyed I got with her, she persisted.

We get back and she has a change of mood once inside the safety of our hovel. Her paranoia melts away into a saddened embarrassment. “I’m.. I’m sorry for.. always being so scared..” she says, head hanging low and avoiding eye contact as usual. I am somewhat annoyed. Cutting our expedition short after making so little progress by two hours that we could have spent searching, it irks me. And then having to essentially coach her all the way back… But I know I must not show my displeasure. Unfortunately it's something I have to hold back, for I know if I let it out she would not hold up to it emotionally. That's the last thing I need right now, for her to go back to a sullen and hopeless disposition… I wouldn't have sat well with myself afterwards either. Despite how much she slows me down, how much trouble the swirling negativity in my head wants to make her out to be, somehow the more gentle side of my indoctrinated mind wins over. I'm not supposed to grow close to anyone, it’s heavily discouraged in our Mental Resiliency Training. Somehow, yet again I find myself growing close when I know I shouldn't. But I look at her and see something so fragile but familiar. So helpless. I look at her, look in her glittering wide eyes and see her.. as the daughter I never had. Or at least a fill for the one I was so unfairly cheated out of. Needless to say, my fondness and caring for her has grown warm within my naturally cold heart.

I hold back with any words I might want to say. Instead, we continue our typical voided ambiance.

- - -

“It’s my fault..” Fluttershy quietly murmurs to herself, just loud enough for me to hear.

“No Fluttershy, *sigh..* It's not. You're scared of the, 'Nightcrawlers’, and for good reason. It's okay to be scared out here you know. To tell you the truth.. I’m probably just as scared of them as you are.”

“It’s not that.. It's.. It’s.. *sigh* too painful to talk about.” She wipes a tear from her eye.

“Then you don't need to.”

“I’m sorry I made us come back so early.”

“You know you sure do apologize a lot. Heh, I might just have to change your name from Fluttershy to Apologyshy.”

She makes no comment to my little joke. Probably wasn't the right time for one. It was a dumb joke anyway.. But I can tell she weighs herself heavily on what happened in her past. Her mistakes.. How things used to be, it all still hangs heavy over her head.

“Look Fluttershy.. Sometimes you just gotta tell yourself that it is not that big a deal. So we lost a few hours. Oh well, we’ll have even more time tomorrow. Let's worry about moving forward and not looking back. Even I still have to remind myself of that everyday, but it works. It keeps me going. There isn't a point in looking back anymore, things aren't headed in that direction. This is just how things are now. You just gotta keep your head up. You gotta keep your eyes on what's ahead of you on the road. You don't have an option to do anything else. Right?”

“Right…”

There's a short pause, cut short but Fluttershy.

“I just feel like.. like I’m just slowing you down. I’m always so afraid of everything. I've always been afraid. It makes me feel so weak and unhelpful. Oh, maybe I should just leave you so you don't have to worry about me holding you back anymore..”

“What would you say.. is your biggest fear?”

“The Nightcrawlers!”

“No, not that. I mean inside you. We all have something deep inside of us we’re afraid of. Even I have things about myself I never want to come into my life.”

She takes a moment to think, but she seems like she already knows the answer but doesn't want to say it.

“Letting people I care about down.” She begins to cry a little more. “I let my family down, I let all my friends down, and now I've let you down-! I just can't do this anymore!”

I let her cry it all out before I speak again. She's gone far too long without having fully expressed herself. All that trauma and hurt she's been holding inside herself.. I just sit quietly, watching as she sobs heavily, letting all that badness come out. Some time passes before I let her hear my piece.

“I can't speak for your family or your friends, but I can more than certainly speak for myself. You haven't let me down one bit. But I won't lie to you. If I’m anything it's honest, so I'm not going to lie to you and say you've been doing everything right and you're not hurting me at all.. Yes, it would be easier if I was on my own. And you do slow me down. But I don't care. None of that really matters to me. Fluttershy.. You inspire me. You are one of the few reasons why I'm still out here trying my best. You may be scared but you are strong. I see a fight in you I've never seen in anyone before. Everything that's happened, everything bad you've experienced that’s knocked you down and kicked you on the ground and yet here you are. Still fighting, still kicking back. You say you can't keep going but you can. You've made it this far so why shouldn't you be able to keep on? When you can't walk through this anymore you just gotta look at your feet while you're telling yourself that. They're still going. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other, again, and again and again until you show yourself that you are indeed still moving forward. Just keep pushing, one foot in front of the other. You have to tell yourself you want to see the next day come, which it always does. Every day, no matter how bleak or bitter it was always has a sunset. It's what I’m doing. And I know you can too Fluttershy.”

My words seemed to have calmed her. She's stopped crying, though I know inside she still at odds with herself.

“I’ll leave you with this to think about. I know what you're going to say, that it’s just 'so hard to do’ but see, that's the thing about saying something is difficult. It means you can do it, it just might need a little more work. I've done it, and by that very fact that someone else has done it means you can do it too. The only impossible task you'll ever face is the one you never begin. The hardest part is convincing yourself that you can do it, but after that, you're golden. All you have to do from there is just.. do it.”

- - -

The rest of the evening is largely uneventful. At around 9:00, I help Fluttershy unruffle some of her feathers. She said she was feeling like they were healed enough for her to fly, so we straightened them all out as best as we could and she gave it a shot. Amazingly she did manage to get off the ground for a few seconds before their evident soreness brought her back down. The wind from her wings actually blew out the fire and I had to relight it. I think that's more of what brought her down than the soreness. She was about to panic again about blowing it out but it was fine. We ended up having a good laugh about it in the end. We were just more excited that she might soon be able to fly again than anything else. Fluttershy seemed more happy about it than I was. It really helped lift her spirits back up after her breakdown earlier.

But soon after, things went back to business as usual. Fluttershy and I brainstormed ideas about what we can do about reversing our food situation. She mentioned something about an old bakery on the other side of town. I was a little bit perturbed about why she hadn't mentioned it earlier but I dismissed any negativity I had. Stopping by the bakery sounds like it could potentially solve our problem for food and leave us only to deal with water. Even if it turns out to be but a temporary fix or even nothing at all it’s worth a shot. I’ll take what I can get. We still come up blank about water however. All the water within any sort of walking distance doesn't exist anymore, and I haven't seen any wells or taps around town either. We could dig for water, but even if we found some we have no way of filtering and collecting it. Finding water is truly becoming a challenge. A challenge that might someday bring us beyond the reaches of Ponyville.

Day 9

That dream.. That same obscure, barely comprehensible dream I’ve been having since Day 0… I had it again, only this time there was some clarity to it. I still can’t seem to recall any parts of it. The moment my eyes open, and I try to piece it all together it evaporates away like steam. The only thing that seems to persist is the feeling it gives me. This time it was noticeably stronger, felt like someone or something beckoning to me from afar. To do something for them. They need my help and are not able to do it themselves. I don’t know. I always wave it off as my mind still trying to cope with the very sudden change in lifestyle I’ve undergone. Though it is bothersome that I have the same dream every night and I’m never able to understand it, I’ll continue to ignore it for now. It seems to be getting clearer as the days move on.

I awaken to find that Fluttershy has already been awake for some time. She happily trots around, humming a tune to herself as she tidies up the place and empties out the fire pit. “Good morning sleepy head.” she says cheerfully, a smile on her face as she cleans.

“Morning” I reply, a yawn creeps from my mouth as I say it. “You’re up early.”

“I used to wake up early every morning because of the chores I have to take care of. I guess I’m still used to my schedule.”

“Tell me something Fluttershy, have you been having any weird dreams lately?”

“Hmm, no. I haven't been having any dreams lately. I used to dream every night but I haven’t had one in a long time.”

“I keep having this same dream every night. I feel like while I’m dreaming I know what’s going on but when I wake up it all just kind of disappears and I forget it.

“Oh, I wouldn’t know anything about that. I wish I could help you figure it out.”

“Nah don’t worry about it. It’s not important. It’s probably just a me thing."

“Okay..”

“How are your wings feeling?”

“Oh! They feel much better now, thank you.”

I smile. “Maybe we can try em out again when we’re outside, yeah? This time without a fire around.”

She chuckles lightly.

“So where should we go today… Oh yeah, we need to go stop by that bakery you mentioned yesterday. Do you still remember how to get there?”

“Um, yes, I should, at least I hope I do.”

“Well no rush, we got all day to find it. That should be our focus for today.”

I pack us only one ration of food and water, and an extra magazine of ammo because one never knows. I don’t expect our trip to find the bakery to take long, she makes it sound like it’s just on the other side of town which shouldn’t be very far.

We leave the hovel. Fluttershy leads the way. For once, she seems confident about being out here. I know it’s still difficult to traverse certain areas of town, as it all looks the same no matter where you go. We have often found ourselves trying to figure out if we’ve gone the right way or have just been walking in unguided circles. But not this time. Fluttershy seems much more self-assured that she knows where she’s going based on her foggy memory.

“Gah, where would we go to even find water? Ponyville is bone dry. All the wells are destroyed and there aren’t any ponds or lakes anywhere.. Think Fluttershy think..”

“Um.. Maybe we could look outside of Ponyville. In another town?”

“Maybe. How far away is the nearest town? I don’t want to start a trip there and end up still outside after sundown.”

She thinks for a moment. “Hmm.. Well Canterlot isn’t that far from here. If we leave early enough we might be able to make it there before the sun goes down.”

“Do you still know the way there?”

“Mm hmm! We used to take a train there instead of walking but it’s in that direction.” She points ahead down one of the main roads that lead out of town. The ashen fog obscures anything far in the distance. “Or at least, It should be in that direction.”

“Was there a lot of water there before?”

“Oh yes! There was lots of water there! There were fountains and waterfalls and rivers with the most beautiful gardens around them --”

“That might be our best bet then. If there were fountains then there must have been plumbing or some sort of irrigation system we can tap into. Good thinking Fluttershy.”

She smiles.

“If what you say is true, and there’s a chance we might find water, I think I’m willing to risk staying out for a night just to get there. It’s one of those times where the reward outweighs the risks. We won’t last long if we don’t at least try it anyway. Plus I always have this for protection.” I motion to show her my rifle.

“What is that thing anyway?”

“This? This is a DSR-22, that’s Designated Scout Rifle, model 22.”

“What does it do?”

“Well.. how do I explain this.. Do you know what magnets are?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well it uses a series of magnets and electricity to accelerate a small piece of metal, about the size of my thumb, to very high speeds to um.. hurt things that are far away.”

“Oh.. It’s one of those things…”

“... Yes, but I wouldn’t ever use it except to protect myself or you if a dro- a Nightcrawler ever found us.”

Fluttershy slowly begins to distance herself from me as we walk down the road. No doubt that she’s more afraid of it now that she knows what it is. Unfortunately I already know she’s probably seen weapons like these being used far too many times.

“Don’t worry Fluttershy. In the hands of the right person it can be a very safe and reliable tool for.. Defense.”

I hold my rifle up and look over it with fondness, proud of all the time and experience I’ve been through with this exact one. I think of it as someone I’ve known for the longest time, an inseparable friend who’s been with me through the best and the worst of it all. And I treat it much the same.

“I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life training with this rifle. Learning every function, every part, and last little detail about its inner workings. And so many years actually training with it.. I don’t mean to brag but I’m kind of an expert with this thing. And it’s got all sorts of cool features. It’s got thermal and infrared imaging, a laser range finder, a crosswind sensor, 20x optical zoom, and different settings for however much power I want to use behind the projectile. Like if I want to hit something that’s very sturdy or far away, I can set it to full power. Or if something’s close by and I’m trying to be quiet, I can power it down all the way to even make it non lethal. And it has a ballistic computer inside to help me hit targets as far out as 6000 meters. Yeah.. you probably have no idea what any of that means-”

“It’s very… Neat.”

Her previously pleasant mood seems to have gone down from the detail in which I used to describe my weapon.

“Hey, Fluttershy.. I wouldn’t ever use this on a pony. It’s for protection only and --”

“All of your friends did…”

I reel back a little at her statement. For some reason hearing her say this hits me harder than anything she’s ever said to me before, stabbing me right through my heart like an invisible blade.

“... Well I’m not like them, am I?” I try to sound confident that she should know I’m not.

She doesn’t say anything. She just continues to trot down the road with her head hanging low. Her lack of response says more to me than what she could have expressed with words.

I let out a long sigh. “How much farther to the bakery?”

Fluttershy stops to survey the buildings around us. “Umm..” she mutters, not sounding very sure of herself. “I think umm.. Maybe it’s this way? Or.. Oh, I’m lost..”

“Hey it’s fine, like I said we got all day to find it. Let’s just have a sit down while I look at my map okay?”

I spot a nice comfy place to sit next to a nearby pile of rubble. This trash heap has managed to collapse in such a way that it resembles a long wooden bench complete with a sturdy backrest. We sit down and I pull out my map and some water. I forget all about the troubling discussion we just had. Now that I have a good chunk of the town already mapped out, I should be able to pinpoint exactly where we are. “If you say it’s on the other side of town then we should be about half way there. Trouble is it’s probably in a part of town I’m still blind to.” I pull out the water pack and offer it to Fluttershy before myself. “Care for some water?” I ask.

She for some reason gives it a guilty glare before saying “Oh, yes please, thank you.” She takes a few small sips before offering it back. I, deep in a meticulous study of the map, don’t notice her offering it back at first. It takes a few seconds, but Fluttershy gets my attention by politely clearing her throat. I take the water back, still intently focused on the map.

“Let’s see.. Do you know which way North would be?”

“Um, no.. I wouldn’t know..” Again a stint of guilt permeates in her timid voice.

“Hmm.. So if we orient the map this way…. You seem so guilt ridden all of the sudden. Something on your mind?”

“Um, no. I mean.. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Hmm.. If we orient the map where a straight line from our house to the library is North… Then that places us somewhere in the eastern side of town.”

I take a sip of water as I continue to talk to myself. Upon first taste my attention shifts from the map to the water. Curiously it tastes somehow.. different. It’s a very subtle and yet very distinct difference. Water has always had one distinguishable taste to me but not now. Even if filled with ash, it still should carry the same filtered taste but this water tastes.. Dirty. And full of minerals. I hope Fluttershy didn’t accidentally spill another water packet but it seems evident that she spilled this one and got a whole bunch of dirt in it. But I hesitate to pin it as her fault. Afterall, it is hard for someone with no hands to hold something that was designed for things with hands. I wonder then, how much of it she spilled. Oh well, it’s not a big deal, there’s more important things to be worried about right now. We still have a couple of packets left plus this one which is more than just a few days worth of water. Enough to get us to Canterlot tomorrow. Canterlot.. Now why does that name seem familiar? It’s not a name or location I had ever been taught before. Not until Fluttershy mentioned it at least. And yet it still feels close to my heart and mind as the names Auria or Bastion, the names of two of the many sister ships that accompanied mine on the way to this planet. I can’t imagine any sort of way I would have come across that name before, but my thoughts soon faintly look back to the dream I’ve been having. I don’t dwell on it for long however, there’s still business to be done.

I give my map a hardy thwap with the back of my hand. “Welp! I think I know where we’re at, let’s get going.” I stand up, Fluttershy following in tow, and we continue on with our venture into unvisited territory. It is another stroll quilted in silence. I sense that the burden of guilt still hangs over Fluttershy. Every time I try to bring up anything about water, she gives me one of two responses - She either tries to sweep it up under the rug or avoids talking about it all together. I decide to speak against her guilt, and assure her that if she did spill the water for a second time that it’s no big worry. But that doesn’t quell her shaded guilt. The only sense I can make of her is that as we come closer to where the bakery is supposed to be, the more guilt ridden she behaves. I begin to think that she’s been hiding something about it from me and perhaps knows more than I do, but is doing a horrible job of hiding it. I hold back any more questions I have about it and subtly study her strange behavior. But due to my curious nature, the more guilty shades she expresses, the more intrigued I become.

10:33 am

“Well” Fluttershy gulps mid sentence. “H-here it is.”

I look up from the crude etchings I’ve been jotting down to a sight that.. Looks just the same and just as unremarkable as everything else in Ponyville. Just another crater in the ground overflowing with an amalgam of debris and scorched wood sticking out of the ground. It looks just like any of the other building around us. I’m almost unsure of what exactly she is alluding my attention to. “You sure this is the right one?” I ask confused, not sure if she’s just pointing to a random pile of rubble or if she actually knows this is it. But now, all her pent up guilt has transpired over into a stark certainty.

“Yes.” She announces confidently, wearing a brave but troubled grimace.

“How can you tell?”

She trots over to just in front of the rubble and picks up a sign in her mouth, bringing it back with just the same confidence. On the sign, characters of her written language are carved into the wood. A large burn mark covers most of the letters in the middle but she’s still able to make out what it says. She directs my attention to the inscription. “Okay? So what does it mean?”

She puts the sign at my feet and calmly takes a full breath. She then turns away to face the building. “It says Sugarcube Corner. This is it.” She speaks with conviction, still staring mournfully towards the rubble. I let her have another moment of silence before I speak. In that time I ponder her recent strange behavior. It perplexes me why she’s been acting the way she is. First she was cheerful, then overcome with guilt, and now she looks to this place as if she has returned to a site of a long forgotten but still painful memory. I can’t understand what is causing these mood swings.

I slowly walk up beside her and kneel down. “You okay Fluttershy? You’ve been acting very strange all day. What’s going on?”

She instantly jumps out of her current mood and into a nervous sweat. “OH, um. I-i-i-it’s nothing.”

“No, there’s definitely something up with you. Are you hiding something? Is there something about this place that you don't want me to know?”

“Um.. Umm..” She begins to pick up a small but nervous fluster. “I, uh..” She looks around for something to shift my attention away from her. “Oh look! There’s a thing inside the bakery! That sure does look interesting!”

She makes a skittish dash into the rubble. A hearty flap of her wings lifts her up and propels her over the rubble and to the inside floorspace. She lands directly in the center, and upon landing one of her front hoofs breaks through the fragile floor. She tumbles over forward and right on to her back.

“Fluttershy!” I run in after her to help. She groans in pain on the floor and doesn’t make an effort to pull her hoof loose. I cautiously tiptoe over the weak, rickety floorboards to her and pull her hoof free. It pops out of the broken floor. I examine it but find no immediate injuries.

“Are you hurt? Anything feel cut or broken? Tell me where it hurts.”

“I’m, okay, ow, please be careful. No, I’m okay I just tripped.”

“That was a pretty hard trip. You sure?”

She jumps right up to her feet. “Yep! See?” She quickly turns away and begins sifting.

“Okay what is going on with you Fluttershy? You can’t seem to control yourself today.”

She blatantly ignores me and continues to anxiously dig through the bakery. “Fine. You won’t tell me now but I’ll find out somehow. You’re starting to worry me a little…”

Annoyed, I go off and begin my digging on the other side of the pile away from her. I don’t know what the hell’s gotten into her. She’s definitely hiding something from me, I just know it! But I just can’t figure out what or why! It’s got to do something with this bakery, it’s the only thing that seems to be correlating with her mood swings. But what could it be.. I must dig to find out more.

I feverishly throw all of the debris out of my way, furiously trying to race Fluttershy to uncovering the floor. She had a head start but I can manage to shovel through it much faster than she can. A small bit of wood clocks me in the back of the head. I look over my shoulder to her. She’s still just haphazardly grabbing and throwing whatever she can get her hooves on in every direction. I don’t think she’s even looking for anything at this point. I think she’s just digging to dissuade my attention from her. I let out a sigh. What am I going to do with her? She’s starting to lose her mind and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s all just finally getting to her. All the stresses of our daily lives maybe? I don’t know. I guess I’ll just have to wait until she calms down and comes back to her senses. IF she comes back to her senses. She’s usually much more sensible when she’s calm so I’ll just wait until then.

- - -

I finally clear out a significant amount of floorspace. I notice a small round hole that a pile of ash is pouring into. I watch as it continues pouring in but never fills. While Fluttershy keeps up with her meaningless digging, I sweep the floor with my hands and clear away the ash. I peek through the tiny hole. I see nothing. Nothing but a black void beneath the floor. I angle myself to find a point where the sunlight can peek through as well, but to almost no avail. The only thing the sunlight does for me is confirm that there is indeed a cavernous space underneath the floorboards, but no allusion as to what may be inside. It’s too deep and too dark to see anything. I feel around the floor, and my hand runs over something cold and metal. I rub what I feel, and find a weak metal hinge camouflaged against the bleak gray.

Maybe if there’s a hinge, there’s a latch somewhere. I feel around the floor some more, wiping away all the ash with long, wide sweeps of the arms. Fluttershy eventually abandons her less than fruitful search and assists me in sweeping over the floor. After a short time she pipes up that she had found another piece of metal. I look to what she finds, and with a stroke of good fortune it turns out she found the latch.

I give it a slight tug, but nothing moves. An even heavier tug, and the whole floor around the latch creaks and groans uncooperatively, but still nothing happens. The board the latch is attached to bends and cracks, but nothing else moves.. Whatever this latch opens just doesn’t want to have its secrets spoiled. I stand directly over the latch, feet firmly planted to its flanks. Both hands tightly grip the rounded handle, and with a mighty heave I begin to lift the floor. Several boards crack and snap, doing their best to keep what is hidden from me but I prevail. One more powerful surge of muscle and I throw the whole floor hatch open. The hinges snap and the entire hatch flies clean off the floor and lands on top of all the rubble I moved.

Before us now, the entrance to a dark cellar. A rickety set of stairs guides down into its forlorn maw. Fluttershy and I stare into the void. We give each other a look. Both of us are curiously terrified of traveling down into the gaping blackness but know we can’t just leave this unventured. “Stay up here, I’ll go down.” I say. Before going down I peer through my rifle scope, Thermal mode already set. But I see no heat signatures, only a narrow path leading away from the staircase. Once confident nothing is going to jump out at me when I get in there, I place my foot on the first step. It moans with a very unhappy creak as I set my full weight on it, more than it was probably built to hold. But it holds steady, and I take another step down. The second step snaps after putting hardly any weight on it. I almost lose my balance but I catch myself. I carefully test each and every step all the way down. Every step forward further envelops my feet in darkness.

Only once I reach the bottom of the stairs, fully immersed in almost complete darkness does the dim incandescence of the sun help reveal the interior. All that lay inside, A short dead end hallway, with stacks of wooden shelves lining every wall. The shelves extend all the way to the back wall, and reach level by level from floor to ceiling. On many of the shelves rest dozens of torn and misshapen burlap sacks. A handful of them lay flat against the floor, spilled of their contents. A white powder, much whiter than the normal gray of ash has been poured from them. It coats my hand as I grasp a handful and let it all spill back down to the floor. I take another handful back up the steps with me and show it to Fluttershy.

“It’s flour.” she says.

“And what is.. Flour?”

“Well we can bake this into bread and eat that as food!”

“We can turn this into food?! Well how? Can we not just eat it raw?” I touch my tongue to it.

“No, we have to turn it into dough first and let it bake in an oven for a little while. I know all about baking, I used to help one of my friends make lots of tasty treats here.”

“So we can turn this into food.. Is this what has had you so on edge this morning? Did you know this was here and didn’t want to tell me?”

“What? No! I had no idea this was still here!”

“Then why all the nervousness? Why the mood swings? You’ve been hiding something from me, I know you are!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m not hiding anything!”

“Enough games Fluttershy!” My aggressive questioning almost has her to the point of tears again. “You’ve been acting weird all morning, and I want to know why. I have a hunch you’re intentionally keeping things hidden from me. If you knew we could find food here, what else do you know!”

“I don’t know anything! Please stop!”

“I thought that by now, after all I’ve done for you I would have gained some semblance of your trust. I took you in, I saved your life! And now you keep things from me that might save mine.”

“Jax I really didn’t know this was here, I promise! Now please stop yelling at me!”

“Doesn’t any of what I’ve done for you count for anything? I know you’re not telling me something and I just want to know what it is, that’s all I want. What could be so important that you’d have to keep it hidden?”

She backs away slowly, a tear rolling down her cheek. But she musters up the courage to stand up straight and confident to defiantly answer my question.

“I can’t tell you.” Her voice is broken and weak, choked by her straining to hold her tears back. “I’m going home!”

She thrust into the air with a flap of the wings and darts back down the road we came here on, tears dripping off her cheek the whole way. A sad, shallow feeling wells up from my chest and passes to the rest of my body. Watching her fly away, all by herself.. Disappearing into the thickening haze between us. Maybe… Maybe I pushed too hard. Maybe there is something that’s just so private to her that she.. Just doesn’t want to share it with me.

I feel an almost palpable sense of remorse as I lose sight of her. Of all I’ve been through.. All the dull training days, waking up covered in ash, all the killing, all the destruction.. Nothing has ever hurt me more than knowing I’m the reason I drive people I care about away. This wouldn’t be the first time that through my own selfish arrogance, someone near and dear to me slowly pulls tight on our cord of trust until it snapped and separates us. I just hope that Fluttershy knows her way back home.. And I hope even more that she’ll be there when I get back.

Without the right tools and knowhow to process this flour it’s all useless to me. This building has turned out to be just as desolate and useless as all the others. No point in continuing my search here when I know I’m not going to find anything else. Perhaps it is time I return home as well.

The walk home is.. Lonely. Just as lonely as the days gone by before meeting Fluttershy. Only the ambiance of the still, dead town accompanies me. The muffled bite of the ash beneath my boots, the delicate whispers of an afternoon breeze, and my own thoughts of hopeful worry for Fluttershy. Hope that when I return home she will still be there. Hope that she is still on my side. I know that when I get back, if she is still there she will be very wary of my presence as she was in the early days. I sincerely wish that I am able to sum up the right words to maybe bridge the gap in trust she now has with me. I don’t want to drive her away.. Inside I know that having her around, having someone to look after and take care of is my only real motivation to keep going. I don’t know if I would have made it this far on my own if it weren’t for finding her. I was constantly on the fence about the value of my own life before she showed up. By now I might have just offed myself or have taken a midnight stroll and offered myself up to a drone. She’s the only thing I’ve ever had to look forward to when I go to sleep at night. She was.. My only friend.

I spend the rest of the walk home preparing an apology. Eventually I arrive. The door flap dances in the soft breeze. I quietly approach and make a gentle entrance so as to not startle Fluttershy. I take a deep breath, the right words fresh on my mind and slowly open the flap and go inside. I step in, look around the room and there she… Isn’t. She’s not here.

- - -

I sit on the far side of the room away from the door, dejected and alone, and unpack my bag. I gather all my other belongings in one big pile. I move with a sense of heavy lethargy, hardly any motivation left inside me. I know what I must do however. I know what my purpose is but the ache inside my chest, thick and weighing me down, makes it all seem pointless.

I lay my rifle down, and with it all the ammo I was carrying. I collect up all my remaining Z-Rations, including the half eaten packet of rice Fluttershy and I shared and write down a new ration schedule, made for one. Once I finish figuring and calculating out a new plan, I do the same with my water. All two packets I still have left. Wait. Three of them..Four...Five? Six?.. They’re all... full. Every pack I’ve finished and emptied, it’s all filled back up to the brim with fresh, glistening water.

I grab one at random and whip out the straw to drink. After my first sip I relax and melt into relief, engrossed by knowing I now have double the water from when I started. I down nearly the entire packet in one sitting, not stopping to take a single breath. I suck it dry, so happy to finally have had a chance to re-hydrate. It has the exact same dirty, mineral taste I noted earlier today. It’s all been refilled! But where could it have come from? How could this even be possible?

The answer hits me like a wall when I figure out how obvious it is. This must have been what Fluttershy was hiding! She knew where to find more water! How could I have been so opaque to have missed this? She must have hidden it from me to keep it for herself. How selfish of her.. But then again.. What would have prompted her to refill all of mine? Was she really beginning to care about me?

I am bluntly struck again by another revelation in thought. Canterlot.. If she knows so much that I don’t then maybe she wants me to go to Canterlot on my own. Maybe it’s her way of saying there’s more there for me! But then that also would mean, that… This kind gift of fresh water was a final parting message…

A loud crunch sounds from the door. I turn to look, and there she is, poking her head timidly through the flap. “Fluttershy…” I say, overcome with joy that I must restrain myself from expressing. “...You came back.”

Without looking at me she walks in. I can practically see the stormcloud hovering above her head as she slowly skulks to her side and lays down. I don’t say a word. I’m still overcome with happiness and mystery as to why she’s here now.

She sits up, takes a slow, deep breath, and then lets it out gently in its entirety. “I’m… sorry.” She says. I continue to remain silent.

“I’m… Sorry, I ran away.”

She pauses

“I didn’t want to. I just got so scared, and you were getting mad at me and yelling at me and I*sniffle* I just didn’t know what to do so I ran. And then I got lost and flew around and tried to find my way home and.. Please don’t be mad at me anymore. I’m trying my best..”

I leave a long space of silence. Fluttershy lays down on her back, wings unfolded flat on the floor, covering her face with her hooves.

“I.. thought you weren’t coming back.” I finally say, apology fresh and refined just waiting on the tip of my tongue. “And I’m glad you did. I was starting to get a little lonely again.” I chuckle insincerely. “I admit.. I did get a little bit.. harsh with you earlier. I’m just trying to make it through to the next day. Trying to survive. I just felt like you were keeping something that would help me do that away from me and, since it’s just you and me against the world now I wanted some of it too. I thought I had earned your trust enough where it was something that you owed me, and I felt threatened when you told me otherwise…”

My thoughts begin to stray off the rails in the emotion of the situation.

“...But you were hiding something important. And now I know what it is.”

I pull another pack of water from my pile. Fluttershy curls up with dread, anticipating I might be mad at her for going behind my back to refill my water.

“I can’t thank you enough for this. You’ve really gone out of your way to give me something special after all I’ve done for you. It really says a lot, that you really do care about me like I care about you, that you really want to help me make it through this too. And I think that’s very beautiful and kind of you.”

I put in a brief pause.

“But I have to know. I have to know where you got this from. After you ran away I realized just how vulnerable I am without your help. If I ever lose you I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just need to know in case we get separated again. And I know you care about me enough to surprise me with more of what I need to stay alive, so telling me where I can find more of it would help with that, yeah?”

She slowly sits back up, and as usual hangs her head in shame, avoiding eye contact. I remain silent, hopeful and eager that she’s finally calm enough now and will tell me what all the fuss has been about.

“I.. I..”

I lean forward with excited anticipation.

“....Can’t.”

I drop the water I was holding in frustrated disappointment. Fluttershy flinches at the sound of it slapping to the ground. But I try not to look or sound frustrated though my temper is beginning to boil.

“Look Fluttershy… I know it’s hard to look at someone like me in the eyes and say that you trust me. I get that. What my people did to yours is downright unforgivable, and I know you know that I was a part of it. And no matter what I say to set things straight, that vision of me is always going to be what fills your eyes. But I’m here just like you. Feeling the same struggle every day as you are. But you and I have to work together and share what we have you know?”

“I told you. I just can’t.”

“Then help me understand. Why can’t you tell me?”

She turns around to face away from me. “No..”

“It’s so simple Fluttershy. All you have to do is tell me where you got this water from and we can go back to the way things were, when I wasn’t so upset with you.”

“Noo..”

“Fluttershy.. Why not?”

“I won’t tell you why..”

“Fluttershy just tell me.”

“No, I can’t!”

“I just want to know! Why are you making this so hard!”

“Please don’t yell!”

“I’ll yell all I want until I find out where this came from!”

“Please stop!”

“Please tell me where you found it!”

“No!”

“Fluttershy tell me where you found it!”

“Stop!”

“Just tell me!”

“I can’t!”

“WELL WHY NOT!”

“BECAUSE THEY’LL KILL YOU!”

I stop and the mood drops at what she said. They.. They will kill me..

“...And because you might kill them!” she screams again.

“...What do you mean by They?... Who’s going to kill me?”

“Oh no, I’ve said too much!”

She bolts for the door.

“Fluttershy wait!” I yell as I jump up to run after her. “Don’t g--!”

I smash through the door flap to find nothing. Not a single hoof print or trace to show where she ran off to. There’s no sign of her in any direction. Except not until I look to my feet to see and pair of wing prints implanted into the ash. I look up and around in all directions, frantically trying to find where she went. But again, not a trace. Not a sound. Just the ashen snowfall gently drifting down from above. It’s almost as if the moment she breached the door she disappeared into thin air. The only sign she was ever here being the wing prints. This.. is her final parting message. But those too slowly fade away as a light breeze dusts them over. She’s gone.. This time.. Forever.

The sinking feeling I felt earlier returns, amplified by the emptiness I feel knowing this time she won’t be coming back. And now I stand here alone, the ashfall slowly building up on my shoulders, no better off than I was eight days ago.

And again a wave of remorse washes in from the seas of despair. Why does it always seem that everything I could have said differently, all the things I could have done better.. Every option that could have prevented a moment like this all becomes so clear only at the exact moment that it’s too late to change?

That, was the last time I will ever see Fluttershy.

I drop to my knees. Tears well up in my eyes but never flow. This is the second time I’ve fought so hard to keep someone with me only to have pushed them away with my own arrogance. First the love of my life.. And now the only hope in my life.

The rest of the evening is… Uneventful.

Day 10

Stupid Fluttershy. I take care of her, feed her, patch her up.. And as soon as she’s feeling back to normal she bails.

I angrily stuff all of my belongings back into my bag.

That’s what I get for trusting one of them.

All my food, water, and ammo, I shove it all where it fits.

Maybe I should have just left her to die in the rubble. I wouldn’t have ended up wasting so much time in this useless town. This place is garbage. Small sleepy country town? Pfft, what did I expect to find here anyway?

I throw two nights’ worth of firewood on top of everything.

I don’t know. If it weren’t for her I would have left Ponyville days ago. What a waste of my time and energy…

I make one final sweep to make sure I’m not leaving anything important behind.

I can manage on my own just fine. I’ve spent my whole life training for times like this. To be alone. Surrounded. Starving. Weeks or even months away from reuniting with friendly forces. I don’t need her… I don’t need anybody but myself. Canterlot can’t be that far. I already know which way to go, I just have to follow the roads.

How could I have let myself become so weak? To lie to myself and think I need someone else to survive? Nonsense.. Utter nonsense.. Nothing this world has to offer could possibly be more proficient at survival than I. I was bred to be the perfect warrior, the grandmaster of evasion and infiltration. The pinnacle of human technology and evolution.. What could I possibly be given that is so grand that I couldn’t survive without it? It’s not some stupid Equine that’s for sure..

I check the time. 6:31 am. Better get a move on, no telling how long it’ll take me to get to Canterlot.

I exit the door flap and tear it down, ripping the fabric away and stuffing it between my back and my bag. The morning is still very young. The sun is just barely beginning to peek over the hills. A morning nip still breathes heavy and cold against the back of my neck. I begin my journey down the same road Fluttershy pointed down earlier. I start following it all the way out of town, moving quickly, eager and motivated to get there as soon as I can manage.

I don’t care how far Canterlot is from here. I don’t even know if that’s really where I’m headed. I’ll run into something eventually. Anything beats the sad pile of hot trash that is Ponyville. If it takes me more than a day to get there then sobeit. Drones don’t frighten me. And either way, dead by drone or dead by dehydration, it makes no difference to me. But I’m not going to let anything bring me my death for me. I’ll walk straight through the night if that’s what it takes. I have my DSR. All it takes is one full power shot to completely obliterate anything or anyone I come across.

I quickly reach the edge of town. The far reaching buildings dotting the outskirts become nothing more than a fleeting memory in my mind as I pass them and they fade away into the thick fog behind me. I don’t even bother so much as to give them a final glance back. There’s no reason to look back there. The only way to look is forward unto Canterlot. From now on I’m only going forward with my mission, myself, and my life. I’ll follow it blindly but with confidence, going wherever the roads may take me.

- - -

Soon, it is midday. The warm yellow blob of a sun hangs high overhead. The ashen fog today is particularly thick. And it seems to only build as I strive further and further down this lonely road. I can barely see more than just a few meters in front of me in any direction. Everything everywhere, however close it may be is clouded in visual nonexistence. No terrain features, no buildings, no fallen trees. The only juxtaposition is the road, dirty and brown against the endless world of gray. Along the sides of the roads is just the same. Bland. Gray. Featureless. It’s almost surreal, like I’m caught in a dream where the ground in front of me stretches and repeats perpetually as I move forward. The only disproof of this not being a dream is every few meters, just off to the side of there road there’s maybe a petrified stick or solitary stone sitting alone and undisturbed. Just as covered in ash and damned to this hell as I.

I stop, dead, a faint glimmer of some lustrous metal sheen pokes me in the eye. Something in the road ahead reflects the light of the sun back at me. But what could it be?

I raise my rifle scope to my eye. The thermal signature I find is exactly what I would have guessed it to be. A single drone, JN87, folded up and vulnerable as it charges its solar cells, completely oblivious to the happenings of the outside world. The glimmer comes from light bouncing off the photovoltaic panels covering its back. What an unfortunate circumstance for this little drone.

It slumbers as it charges, unable to awaken until it is moved or loses its source of light. I power down my rifle, switching off circuits 10 through 6 for a half power shot. I take aim. It just sits there, helpless and unaware.. It’s so close I don’t even need to bother getting a range to it for the ballistic computer. I pull the trigger. St-clack! The supersonic crack of the round breaking the air rings out against the ghastly silence. The tungsten-steel bullet, only given half of what it could have had, smashes into the ground and blows out a crater several inches across, throwing up all that hardened dirt high into the air. The drone blows apart into three separate chunks, all of which are sent hurling skyward. It all comes plowing back down, kicking up more clouds of dust from their heavy impacts. All at the same time as the expended round’s battery casing is ejected from the rifle’s chamber and lands at my feet. The world returns to its reclusive silence, the dust settles, and I continue my way down the road with a grin on my face. Satisfied to know there’s one less monster in this world.

- - -

It isn’t long before I come across something else in the fog ahead of me. It’s only been a few minutes since my last encounter with something. This time instead of a small glittery point, I spot a huge hulking mass slowly manifesting in the deep fog as I get closer. It doesn’t summon much of my alarm as much as it does my intrigue. I continue forward. The mass slowly becomes more prominent. Once close enough I’m able to make out the fine details. Tracks on both sides, a turbine exhaust port, a turret, twin rail cannon… What in the world is this doing here? Who would just abandon a perfectly good looking tank on the side of the road? I get close enough to it and find no discernible impact marks or battle damage. Everything on the outside appears to be in perfect working condition. Perhaps the problems lie within. A tank and a drone all on the same stretch of road so close to each other? Maybe I am dreaming. Hmm.. If this thing still works it could save me a lot of walking. I’ve never been trained on how to drive one of these before, but I have all the time in the world to figure it out.

I decide to investigate the tank. I drop my rifle and bag to the ground beside the track. It’s a truly mammoth vehicle. The height from the bottom of the track to the top is almost as tall as I am. On one of the side skirts near the front, a foot ladder is carved into the metal. I use it to climb to the top of the front slope.

Once on top of the hull, I find that the turret hatches have been left wide open. “Well don’t mind if I do.” I say aloud as I pull myself up the steeply sloped turret armor. I peek inside one of the hatches. There’s no light inside, all of the master power units were left turned off. I listen, but also hear nothing. It’s completely abandoned, left here alone to slowly rot away. I wonder why the crew just left it here. Maybe they ran out of fuel? Unlikely, but maybe if there still some juice left in the batteries I can go through its maintenance logs and find out what happened, and also if this thing is still able to move.

I sit down on the edge of the hatch and lower myself in, feeling around with my feet for places to set them. Eventually I find a flat surface and drop down to the turret floor. I find the interior to be surprisingly spacious. There’s more than enough room for each of the crew members to not only work at their stations, but sleep there as well. You could probably fit all the gear, weapons, and tools of each of the four crew members and still have enough room to live comfortably. Several monitor screens can be found at each station, all of them surrounded by buttons, knobs and switches. I look to the gunners station. There, in the seat I find three boxes stacked on top of each other. It’s hard to see what’s written on them. There’s just barely enough sunlight coming in through the hatches to read the inscriptions. I step to the side to move clear of the hatches. The sunlight hits the crusty brown face of the box on the bottom, just brightly enough to read it. “Zeta Rations”.

I widen my eyes with excitement, and a grin stretches from ear to ear. I’ve might have just found more food! And a lot of it. Not only do these boxes hold several Z-Rations but packets of water as well! Yes! I finally found more food! I might as well crack open a box and start celebrating right now, this is literally weeks worth of food!

What are the odds? What a lucky find. A tank, in great condition, full of food and water - I knew I had something good coming my way! And I can keep it all to myself. There’s no one around to share it with, it’s all mine!

I snatch the box on top of the stack with vigour. At the same time I hear a metallic click that I ignore, blinded by my excitement. I pull the adhesive holding the box closed and rip it open. Inside, full casings of Z-Rations and water, all still packaged and untampered. My eyes glitter with the enthusiasm, enthusiasm to finally get rid of this never ending bout of starvation.

Just then I hear a loud metal bang, something drops to the floor at my feet. I look down, and there, just now rolling to a stop between my feet, a live grenade primed and ready to explode. “Uh oh.”

It was a trap!

I throw the box down and scramble back to the exit. I reach up and grab the side of the hatch ring and leap out. But just short of time. I only manage to throw myself halfway out of the hatch before the grenade detonates. The deafening blast hurls me out of the hatch. My upper body slams down against the top of the turret, and I roll down onto the front slope, smash my head against the armor and roll off the tank. I land face first on the ground and everything goes black.

- - -

Tug… Tug… Tug… Tug… My eyes twitch open to a world turned sideways. Ashen ground to my left and orange sky on my right. The tugging continues. The world stutters back and forth, gradually shifting from top to bottom. There is no sound.. No feeling.. No ability to move. There is only sight, the sight of an orange sun dropping behind the hills. Inch by inch, tug by tug, the world continues to shift.

I find enough energy to look up. My arm is ahead of me, raised from the ground. At the end of my arm, a blurry pink and yellow figure floating above the ground. It clings to my hand and heaves. It’s Fluttershy. Tugging at my arm, dragging me across the ground. I see six of her, and six of my arms. No, four of each. The blurred figures tightly phase in and out of each other.

I let my head fall back down to meet the view of the same sideways world as before. Ahead of me, in the distance, a shadowy, featureless figure of a winged unicorn approaches.

The tugging continues.

The figure is pitch black, black as night itself against the dying sunset. It comes closer at a steady pace. Soon I begin to see color. It’s mane, flowing elegantly in the wind is the only contrast from the dark figure. Shades of blue and purple, and shimmering white specks dotted within like the wake of a starry night. It continues to walk forward. Never stopping or changing speed, just an effortless stroll. The only sound I begin to hear, as the figure walks, is my own heartbeat. The thumping grows louder as the figure comes closer. But like the shadowed Equine, it too never changes in its speed or rhythm.

The shadow gradually closes the distance. My heart grows louder. The figure eclipses everything behind it. More and more of the world disappears behind it’s dark veil in its approach until finally, the figure reaches to just before my eyes. My vision is completely eclipsed. Buried deep in an abyss of total darkness. With the coming veil that drapes over the world I go blind, and the beat of my heart ceases to persist...

End of Act One

ACT I - Fields of Gray

PROLOGUE

Into Ashes

There it goes.. Off in the distance.. The last rocket off this blasted rock rises from its launchpad.

Here I sit, alone, on the edge of a cliff, staring far across the open plains and rolling hills of what was once a beautiful world now turned to ash. Suffocated.. Withered.. Burned... Cleansed of all it used to be in its former majesty.

The gentle rumble of the engines.. The heavy cloud of exhaust billowing in its wake as it climbs high into the ashen sky.. climbing higher.. higher, quieter, softer.. The glow of the engines slowly dims and fades away until they are gone from sight. No more. Higher the rocket climbs. Higher.. higher... Gone. Gone from sight. Gone from this world. Gone.. with all aboard but myself. I, with only the bare necessities, remain on my own. Alone.. Marooned.... Stranded, on a dead, lifeless alien world. Forgotten.

Gone are the youthful days of this planet. What was to become my new home following the self inflicted devastation of the old world is now dead. Nothing remains. No life.. No Equines.. No Hope. All that remains is a lone soldier, me, and all the ashen souls of everything that used to live here.

We came from a star many light years away in search of a new home, after ruining our last. We've known of this planet for some time. Studying it. Monitoring it. Planning. Waiting, waiting for our fleet of nomad ships to finally arrive after generations spent in space and colonize the planet for ourselves. What we did not know however was that the planet already had a claim. A claim made by several species of semi-intelligent creatures. Most prominent of them being the Equine race. But we had come too far to turn away at that, it had to become ours. We had to.. Make room.

And so began our global invasion. Our mission, to systematically eradicate all sentient life forms to make way for our vast race. And we succeeded. With our overwhelming technology and power, everything was erased. Quickly too, it was a short invasion, much shorter than anticipated. Progress was swift, casualties were kept at a minimum, and everything rolled on so smoothly. But in doing so we upset the very delicate balance of this system. Not long after the Equine capitol and all her sister cities were destroyed, the world began to fall apart ecologically. The trees began to wither, the grass and brush slowly expired, flowers wilted.. It was as if our very presence began to suck the life force from the planet. Too quickly for us to do anything about reversing it. But we pressed on, and by the time our mission was complete, the planet had fully died, along with its inhabitants. It almost seemed that the life force, the breath and heartbeat of this planet was somehow connected to those who lived here.

What a shame. I had never seen such beauty before. Only in pictures, and sometimes in dreams. I had never seen so much green, so much life. All I knew was metal, and the infinite gaze into the stars beyond the glass of every window. That was it. No natural green. No animals, no nature.

So much had been lost it what was humanity's greatest waste of time that we saw fit to further ruin this perfect world despite it already having been rendered unfit for colonization. After the life force went away, we decided essentially that if we couldn't have this planet, nobody could. If there was anything left alive after our initial invasion, our next move removed it.

So began a slow process of engulfing every last square inch of the surface in a global firestorm. Our fleet orbited the planet north to south. As it rotated underneath, our ships drew long blazing arrays of lasers to scorch everything below them in their path. It was thorough and took weeks, and after a few subsequent landings the planet was officially declared deceased. And so we decided to move on in search of another home. The last of my kind to follow on in that journey are on their way back to the fleet right now.

And so here I am, the last of my kind to remain on the surface. But I was not left behind on accident. It was of my own doing, I chose this. Why? I can't say for sure, not yet. All I know now is that... Well that I don't know, I don't know anything anymore. Everything I know is over a hundred miles directly overhead, in space, and there's no way for me to reach it. This is not what I wanted, but it's what I had to do. And now I must... Do my best. Whatever that means. To carry on with the mission. The mission to claim this planet as home.

It will be difficult. I will be met with many challenges. Much adversity, strife, struggle, and pain is to come. But it is all of what I had mentally prepared myself for before making this decision. I won't last long, I already know that. But what is to be expected of living on a dead world? Of living on a world where everything has been burned? Destroyed? Ruined... Forever.. By my own kind. Everything.. Every last bit of it turned... Into Ashes.

Chapter One - In Search Of

ACT ONE, Chapter 1, Day 0

ACT ONE

CHAPTER ONE

In Search Of

Day 0

Welp, I should get a move on, and quickly. The sun is already well over halfway through its journey across the sky, sundown will be soon. I should head back to the town I passed on the way here, perhaps I can find some place to set up shop in its ruins. But I must move soon, for at nightfall, when the weary sun rests from its long journey, the true danger comes out. A danger in the form of nocturnal scavenger drones. They are the only other remaining remnant of the short time my people spent here, and pose a serious threat to my life.

The drones are split up into two models, the JN87 and the JN88. Both are extremely efficient at what they do. It’s hard to say which is better at harvesting meat, they are two very different beasts, but these differences help them work in tandem to accomplish tasks that one of the two models would otherwise have difficulty.

The JN87 is small, about the size of my fist. Its body and design is reminiscent of that of a spider with 8 sharply pointed legs, each tipped with prongs to help it cling to any surface. It is very quiet, and will often stalk its target for days waiting for the right moment to strike when the target is at its most vulnerable. Whatever it’s hunting probably wouldn’t ever see it coming until it was too late. It is armed with only one weapon, if you don’t count its sheer skill to remain undetected as one, a long spring loaded proboscis protruding from its mouth. It’s tipped with an extremely potent toxin designed to induce its victim into a deep and powerful sleep until all its organs inevitably shut down from the poison. Its victim can't cry for help, it can't scream in pain. Anything that came across a victim would think them in an exhausted slumber, unaware that they are slowly dying on the inside. At least the death following its strike is peaceful.

The JN88 however is altogether a different machine. The only similarity between the two drones is the body design. Like the 87, the 88 is also modeled after a spider only much larger. Imagine a mechanical spider the size of a fully grown human adult and all the horrors that would entail. Now imagine that still, but bristling with a wide array of offensive and defensive systems and a very bad attitude. Each of its 8 legs are pointed like spears. It can move very quickly, jump very high, and has an active radar tracking system so it never loses sight of its prey. Along with that, it carries two high voltage stun weapons: One attached to the end of its front right leg and the other, a retractable harpoon mounted on its back for a ranged attack. Also on board is an extremely sophisticated imaging system, a hyper-intelligent deep learning AI, and the ability to camouflage itself against any surface. Unlike the JN87 however, it will not stalk its target. It will kill on sight without hesitation.

Both drones are extremely dangerous and are the pinnacle of what they were designed to do – Hunt down and terminate any living creature they come across, to include myself. Though they typically hunt alone, they can communicate and work together should the need arise. But for the most part, during the day it is safe to roam freely. They only begin their prowl after sundown, spending all day in Low Charge Mode to recharge their solar batteries. If I come across one during the day, I should destroy it immediately while it’s vulnerable. It is however unlikely I will come across one out in the open in the middle of the day, they’re very smart about where they hide.

But I should move. If I remember correctly, the town I came across is only a few miles down this trail. It shouldn’t take me too terribly long to get there. But the big time waster will come once I arrive and must search for a suitable shelter to conceal myself from the midnight prowl. I don’t know what I’ll find there, but maybe there’s a way I can still salvage use from its remains.. I hope.

A quick inventory of all the things I gathered in my bag prior to desertion. I set my bag on the ground and dump out the contents. Let’s see.. A multi tool, that could come in handy. A fire starting kit with two spark tablets, definitely useful. 6 Zeta-Rations. Hmm, only supposed to be about 6 days worth of food but if I space that out I can probably bump that up to 12 or maybe 18 days if I’m good about it. 8 water packs, definitely going to need to space that out as much as I can as well, I don’t know how long I can make that last though.. Let’s see, what else is in here.. A first aid kit , notebook and pen aaannd.. Ah, my rifle silencer kit, and all the spare ammo I could fit into the 8 side pockets of my bag. Not exactly the best survival kit I’ve ever had but unlike the simulations, I can’t just expect to have exactly what I need. It’ll have to make do until I can start rummaging through the ruins of the town for anything of use.

I pack everything back into the bag, throw the bag over the shoulder, and begin my trek back to the town, rifle at the ready.

Even now, over 3 months since planetfall I still find myself silently appalled, still trying to comprehend the mass of chaos we brought to this place. The thick ash crunches beneath my feet like a soft layer of snow with every lonely footstep. This place, this whole planet used to be so beautiful. So full of green, so lush and rich with natural wonder. I can still vividly remember my first moments here, before the first bullet flew and the artillery thundered through the forests. The moment the landing ramp lowered from our craft, and I got first glimpse with my own eyes at the surface… Perfect. I was so captivated, enraptured by what greeted my gaze.. But it wasn’t to last. The splendor vanished at the crack of a rifle, when I was suddenly sucked back into the reality of what I was here to do. But until that day I had never known of creatures that flew, or seen the vibrancies of flowers in bloom. And the forests, woodlands and rolling green hills as far as the eye could see. It was something that not even the most vivacious imagination or ambitious dream could capture in full extravagance. But we just… destroyed it. We destroyed it all, everything. Blazed out of existence in a gale of fire. And now all that remains is ash. Everything burned, blackened and coated in soot. What took us centuries to do to Old Earth we managed here in only three months. Three.. Long.. Months. Full of nothing but killing and pillaging. Sometimes I can still see them, the battles I took part in. If you could even call them battles.. More like massacres.

I remember one day, I want to say it was about 3 days after our first set of missions had been carried out and we began to spread out into the surrounding countryside. We came across a flock of winged Equine all joined together in a massive swarm around a lake. They were flying laps around the lake, gradually flying faster and faster around in hopes of raising the water from the lake. It was a tactic they would come to use very often, to raise the water to their cities in the clouds and bring down a torrent of rain in hopes of bogging us down. We had caught them by surprise this time, the water was just beginning to creep up through their vortex. The moment we saw them we were ordered to fire. Every last weapon system the convoy could spare opened up all at once. I still see it, see the mangled bodies ejecting from the vortex and flopping to the ground everywhere around the lake. Not one Equine was spared, not one made it out alive. The moment the guns opened up the Equines dropped like flies. And then all the puddles of blood, mud and water on the ground.. And the smell.. You could smell it for a mile.

Very troublesome were the wing'ed ones. We were constantly on guard for their aerial guerrilla attacks, harmless as they were. But their faith never wavered. Their leader, the one with the rainbow mane, she rallied them to never give up until the last pair of wings had bore down against the air for the last time. Even more troublesome was she.. Despite being much slower than our jets she always some how managed to get away and reassemble her forces. I can't count how many times we ran into her and her flocks. She went everywhere we went, fighting in every fight we engaged in. Her and her flock were truly and undoubtedly loyal to the end. Never once did I see them quit, or retreat in fear. That was until we cornered the last of her and her band in their defense of their last cloud city.

Those who live here - who used to live here called us monsters and I'm somewhat inclined to agree with them. That's.. All we've ever been. Monsters. Destroyers. Consumers, always searching for our next source of food and fuel at the exploitation of everything we could get our hands on. It never sat well with me knowing what we did. Even if we had managed to capture the planet for ourselves and made it a home the notion of our intentions would have still sat skulking in the back of my mind. It just.. Infuriates me to no end how painfully careless we were to this place. Every time I think about it I can feel the glare of hindsight burrowing into my soul, heating up the trove of anger hidden deep inside. Boiling and churning in my body. Impossible to ignore, the inexorable rage that hides quietly within..

I stop in the middle of the road and drop to my knees. I grip the ash in both hands out of anger, closing my fist tightly around it. I can feel it all boiling back up inside me.

So much time... So much of my life, all 24 years of it, wasted! All that time spent training, all the time spent planning and preparing for this mission... And we just.. blew it. We had a chance, a chance to make a claim for ourselves and start new lives, real lives. We so carefully made our agendas to make this place our home.. but in our own arrogance and oversight, we just couldn't hold on to it! I think I was more excited than anybody else to finally get off that blasted ship. 6 whole generations of people lived and died within our fleet to get us here and it was all for nothing. And now countless more are to pass as they search for another chance.

I grip the ash, tighter. And tighter. And when my muscles begin to strain I let go, and let all the badness welling up within me out in a single lasting, lingering exhale. Anger turns to sadness.. optimism turns to despair.. I pick up the ash and let it slowly sink through my fingers. It flows between them, turning to a cloud as it all gently drifts back down to the ground.

Oh what’s the point! How stupid it was of me to go through with this.. Stupid! Why couldn’t I have just moved on with the rest of the herd! Why do I have to be so free thinking? Why couldn’t I have just stayed a pawn like everyone else...

I stay here for sometime, just sat down in the middle of the road contemplating the value of my own life. Eventually I look to the sun. It is now much farther along than before. Begrudgingly, with the weight of a time limit on my back, I decide to move on.

- - -

At about halfway down the trail to the town, I have a change in mood. I begin to think that, maybe, this won’t be so bad. Maybe, this could be an interesting little adventure I’m setting myself up for. Who knows what’s in store for me back in the town. I know I’m probably going to be killed off at some point anyway, but I'll be damned if I take the coward's way out. I have more dignity than that. Why not see where this little adventure takes me?

Some time later I begin to see the outer reaches of the town ahead. Not much remains of this sleepy little town. The only indication that there WAS something here at some point are the charred wooden support columns of buildings jutting out of the ground, all at angles and toppled over each other. And maybe a still standing stone wall here and there. Some of the rubble still smolders from the recent firestorm. It’s going to be hard to find a decent shelter given the state of things, but it’s all I have to work with so I must make due. Maybe after I explore the town a little I can find some place that I might call home, but I can’t spend too much time. The sun will soon traverse the horizon and let loose the nightly prowl of the dreaded mechanical beasts. I must pick up the pace.

I don’t bother with the buildings sparsely dotting the outside rim of the town, I follow the streets straight into the higher density areas before beginning my search.

Every ruined building I inspect is either just a deep pile of debris or a crater, or some combination of the two. None of which meet even the basic requirements of a shelter. I climb on and dig through as many piles as I can, finishing with one only to briskly move on to the nearest one after that. But nothing, not even the larger piles that look so promising on the outside come close to fitting the bill. Another glance to the sun urges me to pick up a mild jog. Forget digging through these, it’s taking up too much of my time. I run between the houses, giving each a once over before scuttling over to the next.

This one? No. Here? No. Nope, that one sucks. Nope, nope. This one is literally just a crater with a piece of wood sticking out of it. Nope, not even. No, no, NO…

Somewhere in the search I get the idea to just build my own shelter, but I decide that to be too time consuming. I don't think I would actually trust my skills as a craftsman either, that’s not in my repertoire.

The sun begins to rest atop the hillsides. I’ve almost completely run out of time, I have to make something up quick!

I run to the middle of a street, rubble piles on all sides and hurriedly look at each. But they are all the same, all just piles of uselessness. Piles of nothing I’d ever want to get involved in. Could I just climb into a random pile and try to hide in it? No, too many problems arise from that. What about that one over there? No. Nothing, nothing here is good enough for -

My eyes drift over to a blown out hole leading underneath one of the buildings. This might be it, I have to check this out.

Upon inspecting the hole I find a tunnel leading to a room underneath the building. Oh how perfect, and not a moment too soon, the sun has just crossed the precipice giving way to the night. What luck, what fantastic timing.

I squeeze through the tight entrance and guide my way down a short pathway into what appears to be an old unused basement. Debris densely scattered throughout, most of it collected in the center of the room but there is enough space for me to move freely around it. The ceiling is blown open to the sky. The building above has mostly collapsed over the gaping hole, giving me not exactly ideal overhead “coverage” but enough to suffice for now. My guess is that a bomb was dropped directly onto the house and smashed through the floor into the basement before detonating. The amount of displaced dirt beneath the house is a testament to the power of the explosion, I can clearly tell how small the basement was compared to what it is now, it’s quite roomy. What a lucky find. For what it is given the circumstances it’s perfect… aside from the mess.

I collect some of the debris and use it to plug up the hole I entered through. And use some of it to patch up the larger holes in the ceiling. The rest I shove tightly to one side of the room to clear the floor space.

I’ll wait until it’s light outside again before giving the area a thorough search. Who knows what I’ll find, I could be sitting on a veritable gold mine of useful survival materials right now for all I know. Or maybe just the opposite. But for now it is dark, almost too dark to see clearly within my new hovel. Alas, I must contain my curious excitement ‘til the sun restarts its long trek across the endless gray.

I really should get some sleep. I’m going to need it, I have many long days ahead of me. Today was just the start of a hopefully long adventure, who knows what the coming days have in store. I could be dead tomorrow for all I know, or maybe not. We’ll just have to find out won’t we?

I curl up on the dirty, ashy floor on the far side of the room away from the debris I moved. Now’s the moment that I realize I have nothing to keep me warm through the night. My only attire is my combat shirt, pants and boots. Not exactly a comforting ensemble. I could start a fire with my spark tablets but then again I don't really have anything I can burn. All of the wood here is already burned through to the core and I’d just be wasting my time trying to reignite it. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll go out in search of still burnable wood. That’s what I’ll do. First thing when I wake up I’ll compile a list of things to be on the lookout for, firewood being the most pertinent. But all must wait, for that time will come eventually. For now I must rest and await the horrific wonders that lie in wait in this world of ash.

I close my eyes, and attempt to lull myself into that deep deep repose...