"I love you..." Rarity confesses into your ear, sending a weird tingling sensation up your spine. It's kind of weird to go from eating beef stew like a normal everyday joe, to slaying dragons to save kingdoms. Cause y'know. That's how most self insert stories go.
Just a moment ago you were helping Rarity get her daily quota finished, as you tried to sneak in a couple of hours on Clash Royale to let your clan know that you were alright, and you would still reign as clan leader for many years to come. Admittedly, you are personally attracted to her a TINY bit as well, but not in a realistic way. More like an "I think you're cute, but I don't know you well enough to stick my dick in you, and also I like human ass a lot more" type of way. But anyways, she stared at you with pleading eyes, almost begging you to confess your feelings to her as well.
"Uh, thanks. That flatters me, really." You shudder.
"Oh... I see darling..." She turns away from you, sadly, and very dramatically, "I see we do not share similar feelings for one another..."
"No, of course not... Partially because Human on Pony would be technically considered beastiality, and if a family member caught me doing that, which they probably wouldn't, they'd get the whole family to shun me for that." You mutter, before scrolling through your phone to uncover all of your OOF memes to be where you left them last.
"But... We would never have to let anypony know... Nopony has to know..." She pleads once again.
"There is only one thing I'm more dedicated to than my life; not a wife or a girlfriend- Memes. Memes are my life. They are the root of my being. My mother was a meme, I am a meme. So, I suppose my love interest IS memes." You retort, simply shrugging it off.
"Memes? Oh, Sweet Celestia, your simply adorable when you act like that!" She laughs, scooting closer to you on the couch you were kicking back and relaxing on.
"What? Me talking about memes turns you on? Do you even know what a meme is?" You ask.
"No deary, But I would suppose it's something oddly hilarious."
"Actually, you got that pretty much right." You confess. "Here, take a look."
"What's a school shooter?" She asks, studying the OOF meme like an equation.
"That's not the point. The point I'm getting to is that me and you can't have anything between us. My Mom and Dad just think I'm a weirdo who plays Super Mario Bros. all day, which is the code word for Call of Duty, and my sister thinks I'm a normie piece of junk who posts bad Halo Deviantart." You explain.
"Your family shouldn't limit your love interests!" She outcries.
"That's where things get tricky. You see, it's kind of hard to believe, but you and your friends have a whole fandom circulating around you. And most people who aren't in that fandom instantly get the wrong idea about how that it works. Typical brony stereotypes. I'm not a brony, just to clarify that. So me, dating you, makes absolutely no sense. Sure, I can see why other ponies might see you as attractive, hell I think you are a little bit attractive. And cute. Definitely cute. But I just can't see myself kissing you, or having sex with you for that matter." You say, giving plenty of examples.
She instantly blushes, and her tail seems to lose a bit of it's sort of 'Excitement' to it, but you can't really blame yourself for it. Nature put down basic rules for everyone to follow-
Number one; Don't get killed. Number two; Don't fuck your family, because the results can get pretty fucked up. And, last but not least; Don't fuck animals, cuz it just don't work.
Pretty simple, if you don't say so yourself.
"I... I'm sorry. You're just the type of pony, I mean, person I felt like I could really connect with you know?" She asks.
Spike instantly engulfs your mind, with fleeting visions of him helping her through thick and thin, all in the means of getting laid. If anyone deserves Rarity, it's him. Not you.
"Uh, I guess so. But honestly, I'm more afraid of my little sister than I am of seeing your pussy." You shrug.
"Sweetie Belle wouldn't mind. Personally, I feel like she could use another parental figure around the house." She adds to her previous statements.
Staring at your phone still, a single message is sent through messenger as you talk with Rarity.
You heart begins to pump, as you open up the app and open the message.
Little Sis: Don't fuck any ponies while your there, mister >:(
"Uh, I need to take this real quickly, Rarity." You step out of the room and furiously respond with texter thumbs that go 9000 mph.
You: I'm not! Promise! And you aren't my boss, anyways. Im 4 years older noob
Little Sis: You better not, or I'm telling mom your a horse fucker
You: How tf would you know if I fucked a pony
Little Sis: I have my ways. When you go back in there with Rarity, tell her to suck a dick
You: Dude, she might suck mine if I say that
Little Sis: Shit your right. But fr, dont let her have sex with you
You: Wait how did you know I was with Rarity
Little Sis: I told you! I have my ways, dipstick! Have a fresh meme, you addict!
You stare in shock and wonder at how much of a normie your damn sister is.
Slowly, you re-enter the room with Rarity.
"Well, Darling? How did it go?" She asks.
"It went, uh, good. Very good." You lie.
"Did you get to see any of those memes things?" She asks.
"Uh, yeah actually. My little sister sent me a picture of an alien on LSD, or shrooms or something."
"Oh... Well... I mean, I really do want to share a bond with me and you. I feel like you are my special somepony, and I want you to at least give me a chance. Please..." She asks, pushing closer than ever to you.
Your sister flashes through your mind, and you honestly want to ignore her. So you know what? You will not let your sister control you! You are a grown man!
"Yeah, Rarity. I'm willing to give this a chance, So long as it's in a VERY SECLUDED ROOM, and no one can see this."
"Sweet Celestia! Really? Th-Thank you so much!" She shouts with glee.
"Uh, no problem..." You reply sort of confused. She really must be wanting some of your dick to be praising her god like she was at Sunday school.
"Oh yeah... Sometimes I need outside sources to get me off. So don't be afraid when you see all of my "toys". You freeze as she stops outside her door.
"Wait, do you mean dildos n' shit, or KINKY n' fetish shit?"
"I mean both, darling." She opens the door, and you reach for your phone in your pocket as an operating table comes into view.
"uh-oh" You whimper.
"First honey-sweetness~, I need to see if you can trust you." You raise your eyebrows as she drags you over to a picture of Twilight showing off her glorious bare flank, with a very suggestive look plastered on her face.
"Where did you get a picture of her naked from?" You ask, suddenly intrigued.
"Spikey-wikey does the most adorable things for me." You squint your eyes at her, before your phone vibrates.
"Hold up, gotta take this."
Little Sis: You better not fuck her
You: Why do you care so much?
Little Sis: Cause the police said if you did then you can't come home with little horse human ponies, and if u can't come home I can't fuck you
You: what
Little Sis: I didn't finish my sentance
You: Sorry, continue
Little Sis: Aw man u made me forget
You: ...
Suddenly, Spike walked in and everyone fucked.
Oh yeah your family calls you horse-fucker now.
(mhm yea cause you know you would smash them pon-E's)
...
DONT CLICK IF YOU GET OFFENDED horse fucker
Author's Note
just dislike and move along pls I no hate cloppers tho i'm jfk
idk
