‘Hey Jared?’ The rather annoying nasally voice of Discord spoke up in my brain. ‘What are you going to do when you get home?’

I ignored the Lord of Chaos and continued scrubbing out the massive bowl boss used to mix dough. It had been a rough night, I’d barely kept up with the normal dishes and only now was I getting to the larger stuff. It was 9:45 PM on a Sunday. We closed at 8:00 PM. Everyone was tired and nobody could explain why we were so busy. Thankfully my music kept me calm most of the night.

‘Hey... Hey Jared.’ Discord continued to mentally prod me and I continued to ignore him.

‘Leave him be Discord, he’s working.’ Tia’s melodious voice said, sounding somewhat annoyed.

‘Thanks Tia.’ I thought in response as I finished scrubbing. I sprayed out the bowl, flipped it over, and shoved it in the dishwasher. I took a moment to stretch, hearing a few loud pops from my spine, and walked over to the other side of the dishwasher to retrieve the bins full of forks and knives. I yawned as I slowly plodded my way out towards the front of the restaurant. I heard the waitresses talking at their table. When I came up and set down the bins of silverware there was a chorus of “Yay”s.

One of the waitresses asked. “Why’d you wait until the end of the night to do silver?”

“Reasons.” I responded flatly in my standard monotonal speaking voice.

I limped back to the kitchen. (The limp came from a car accident years ago. Which is why I had a love of walking and a dislike of vehicles in general.) I continued with my work in relative silence, however I did have people to talk to.

‘Sorry. It’s been busy.’ I apologised to the two extra-dimensional beings metaphorically looking over my shoulder.

‘It’s fine Jared, I understand.’ Celestia responded with a giggle.

‘Oh now he talks to us.’ Discord however, sounded pouty.

‘Don’t be a Dicklord.’ I mentally thrust a finger in Discord’s metaphorical direction as I began the last few things I had to do before I left for the night. Namely, emptying the traps, squeegeeing off the countertop, sweeping, mopping, and taking out my trash.

‘Ha! I should use that!’ Tia guffawed.

‘I gotta admit, that was a good one.’ Discord chuckled.

I tied off the trash bag in my trashcan and rolled the trashcan out to the exit, I got stopped by Jake, the main pasta chef.

“What’s up?” I asked in a way that sounded more like a statement than a question. Then again everything I said sounded like a flat statement.

“I got you something.” He grinned at me and I followed him into the office attached to the kitchen.

“You didn’t have to do that.” I said as he pulled out a blue gift bag from his bag behind the desk.

“Yes I did.” He grinned at me.

Taking the bag , I fished around inside and pulled out a $20 Blizzard gift card and three Funko Warcraft Movie blind-boxes.

‘Ooooooooooo! Yus!’ I mentally cheered.

My mouth turned up into the barest hint of a smile. “Thank you.” I looked up at Jake, who was still grinning.

“You’re welcome.” He nodded. “You going to open the boxes?”

“Calm down. I will.” I stated. As I began peeling off the plastic outer layer of the first box, I looked back to Jake. “You’re getting my doubles like normal.”

“Dude, you don’t need to court me. We’re already friends. Plus, I’m married.” Jake chuckled in response.

“How is Randy by the way?” I asked as I blindly tore open the first blind box.

“He’s busy, I haven’t seen him in a couple days.” He shrugged.

“That can happen. Conflicting schedules.” I nodded as I punched a hole in the black plastic back that housed my prize and tore the bag open. First spoils: Guldan. My small smile remained. ‘Oh Hell Yeah!’ “Now I don’t need the other two boxes. I got the only one I need.”

‘Oh! That horrible monster? You like him?’ Celestia asked, clearly bristling.

‘He’s a good villain. People remember good villains.’ I responded, setting Guldan on the desk.

‘Tartarus yeah they do!’ Discord cheered.

‘Dicklord you’re not a villain anymore.’ I pointed out.

‘Awww, now I’m sad.’ Discord deflated.

‘Don’t worry, You’re much better now. I’m sure we can get the Elements to release you when the time is right.’ Tia said cheerfully.

‘I ship it.’ I chuckled.

“I can take the other two off your hands then.” Jake returned my attention to the physical realm.

“Fuck you.” I stated, staring at Jake as I began blindly ripping into the second box.

“I thought you were straight?” He grinned.

“I can make exceptions.” I blinked. Jake’s grin died and he got a very bewildered look.

“Are you being serious, because I can’t tell.” He said a little dumbly.

“You will never know, and that’s the best part.” I said, looking down at who I got. Box #2’s winnings: Orgrim Doomhammer.

‘Never mind what I said. Now I’m done with the set!’ I mentally cheered once again.

“Yay.” I maintained my smile.

“Two down, one to go.” Jake chuckled. As I looked back up at him I noticed he was looking at something behind me. Finding that odd, but not really caring, I set Orgrim next to Guldan and began opening the final box. Last box’s spoils: Blackhand.

‘I give up. I’m not going to say it.’ I mentally giggled.

“Wow, the two main orcish villains and the one true badass next to Durotan.” Jake said looking impressed. “You’ve got the luck of the draw.”

“Because I believe in the Heart of the Cards.” I nodded. “Thanks again.”

“No problem.” Jake shrugged and began retrieving his winter coat and other winter gear.

I turned around only to find that the sink area was swept and mopped, the sink was clear, and the Trash had been taken out and replaced with a new bag.
I looked over to the kitchen entrance to see a couple of the waitresses looking at me and giggling. ‘Clever girls.’

‘Well that was nice of them.’ Tia said cheerfully.

‘I think they want the D.’ Discord mused.

‘Yes and no.’ I responded to each in turn.

“Thanks.” I raised my voice so it could reach them.

“You’re welcome. Happy Birthday.” They responded. I nodded in return. I had a feeling they were planning something. They better not sing. I hate birthday songs. They make me feel awkward. Unfortunately, everyone at work knew this.

Having nothing else to do, I clocked out of work at 10:12 PM, geared up in my winter gear (A large puffy winter coat.), tossed my new winnings into the gift bag, and slung the bag onto my arm.

“You know I could give you a ride home.” Jake mentioned.

“No thanks. I prefer walking.” I responded. “Thanks though.”

‘But Jared, it’s cold out.’ Tia responded in a half-whine.

‘Nope. No cars.’ I mentally stated flatly.

As I headed out of the restaurant, a rather unwelcome sight greeted me as I trudged into the snow. All six of today’s waitresses were standing together in the lightly falling snow. The moment they saw me they began singing. My small smile shifted into a small frown. I walked up to them as they finished. “This is why I waited to do silver.”

“You knew we’d sing to you? How?” The waitress who originally asked me about silver asked, sounding surprised.

“Jared Sense.” I stated. I got a chorus of laughs as everyone said their good nights and I began my journey home.

‘Huh. That reminds me of someone.’ Tia mentioned.

‘Yeah, I got the same feeling.’ Discord agreed.

I, on the other hand, had no clue what they were talking about.

I stopped at the first light less than a block away from work. The snow appeared to be getting heavier. ‘So,’ Tia spoke up. ‘What are you going to get with your gift card?’

‘The Rise of the Necromancer pack for Diablo 3.’ I responded as the light turned green and the walk sign popped into existence. ‘I’ve been waiting for that for-’

‘Jared! Look out!’ Tia’s mental scream accompanied a deafeningly loud car horn.

I looked to my left just in time to see high beams and the front of an SUV.

I can’t really describe what happened.....

I was flying.....

There was pain..... pain-ish... I couldn’t feel my left arm or left leg...

I got the distinct feeling of weightlessness...

I... wasn’t exactly falling....

I was cold and I couldn’t see much....

There were flashes.... Like looking out a car window when the car’s speeding...

A dusty red planet with vile green rivers...

A valley of dark brown-black ground that looked dead... Shambling.... things.... trudged around it on legs that looked broken....

A world of scorched black stone..... some massive..... thing.... covered in eyes...... towering in the distance.....

A hole torn in reality....... slimey purple tentacles.......

All the while I heard Tia’s voice echoing into my mind, slowly getting louder.... more distinct....

‘Jared! You- You’re going to be alright! You’re going to be fine!’

‘I-I’ve got you! I-I’m bringing you to me!’

‘Shenanigans!’

‘Discord! What are you doing!?’

‘I’m giving him my Birthday present... Doesn’t everyone want to live a power fantasy?’

I felt....

Words can’t....

Pain....

Bones.... shifting.....

Everything......

What’s happe-

What’s going o-

‘What. Have. You. DONE!?’

Suddenly reality seemed to reassert itself as I painfully slammed into something. There was a clatter of metal and the sound of shattering ceramic.

My mind was hazy. Everything felt.... wrong.... Was I bleeding? Something was running down... everywhere......

In the fog that was my vision and mind, I staggered to my feet. My balance was off. There was something coming out of my back.

I was..... In a kitchen? I was in a bright pink kitchen.... I half-heard shouting voices.... cries of shook... of horror......

I saw a door... A way out....

I half-limped, half-fell towards the door. I reached out a gnarled, gray-skinned hand. I felt.... something... push out of my hand and the door was blasted apart by a weird blending of sickly pale green, and ghostly light blue light.

I fell out of the doorway, hitting the dirt beyond hard. I wanted to just lay there... Everything hurt.... But I felt I needed to leave.... I didn’t know where I was going....

‘Discord where did you send him!?’

‘Ponyville. He can meet Twilight.’

‘After what you did!? Are you insane!?’

‘Not anymore... Wait..... Oh.... Oh Faust...... What have I done?......’

I forced myself to my feet once again, staggered, and slammed drunkenly into a wall, simultaneously crushing a few garbage cans. I was in an alley. The sky above was blue yet some things were moving clouds, turning the day overcast....

There were gasps, and screams...

Cries of alarm...

Fear......

Terror....

I vaguely heard someone nearby talking...

“Oh my Faust! Are you okay Mister!? You’re bleeding everywhere!”

I drunkenly swayed and turned towards the voice. My hazy vision focused on the face of a.... pony? A pink pony.... A pink woman pony? Why was she wearing clothes? That’s Anthro right?......

“Help.... Help me....” I rasped in a voice not my own.

“Hey! Get away from Pinkie!” I heard a woman cry from somewhere......

My spine exploded in pain as I want flying... I hit the ground and both heard, and felt something on my back snap. Whatever it was was hanging by a thread of something....

I tried to stand.... My legs weren’t working....

Purple horse lady?.... Did she do something? Her horn... Horn?... Why does she have a horn?.... Her horn was glowing....

I felt my stomach lurch and I vomited. Bright, almost neon, green something.... splattered over the ground and down my gray, apparently well muscled, chest and stomach. Was that blood? It looked too..... thick.... to be blood...

That’s silly.....

Blood’s not green.....

Everything’s.... fuzzy....

‘Jared! I’m coming! Hold on!’

‘Tia? What are you doing in my head?’

‘Jared? JARED?!’

Everything went black.

‘Jared... I’m sorry.... This is all my fault...’

Author's Note

Edit: A tiny change. Changed Dickord to Dicklord. Joke term thanks to Pyrotechnic.