Chapter 5: From Yogi bear to Richie Rich

Edited by: pahnazd

“Hey, you.” Someone said from right under me, which forced me out of my relaxing trance. I looked down only to roll my eyes, knowing fully well who it was.

The three stooges of this place, where one lost their balls in a previous accident many years ago.

Tetra and her two “friends”. One girl, two dudes. Not only that, but they also were 5 years older than me. Well, in body at least.

She is a blue and purpled haired filly with an attitude problem so high that it is a wonder that she isn’t already choking from the vacuum of space. While her two goons, which I wonderfully dubbed as “Diddle Dim and Diddle-your- fur-color-is-puke-green”, since I haven’t bothered to remember their names.

They were onicorns too, which turns them into the three dickateers of legends. These three stick together like some weird form of a threesome too… which just perfectly paints the future these three jokers would be having.

A perfectly justified thought process, simply because these three deserve it for being your generic and very formulaic local bullies of the orphanages.

I already had my fair share of encounters with these three stooges and so far it ended pretty much the same way how it always did.

Just either ignoring them because of my obvious flaw of not being able to verbally confuse them with my slangs or just tell them to fuck off hard core, or just scream and just go completely loco on them the same way I did towards Care the day prior.

Either they back off or Deep Care shows up afterwards to defuse the bomb.

Highly undignified, but hey, I am a kid again, so whatever.

It kind of sucks being this young and this small again, especially without the ability to openly swear like a salty sailor. We all gotta start small whenever firing up a new game. But that still doesn’t mean I am willing to be patient.

CONSOLE COMMANDS BABY! Too bad I don’t have access to those outside of my games... otherwise what little morals I have left would automatically go out the freaking window and onto my neighbor’s garden. Chaos guaranteed and amusement to be had. I would turn my neighbor’s house into a gingerbread one and spawn an army of rats onto his property. Watch and be amuse at the carnage while filming it on a 4k camera that I would have spawned in as well for future generations, especially once the pest control team arrives. Just add one extra rodent for every one they catch.

I am going off track again.

I shook my head and looking back down, only to get a small rock hitting me square on the right cheek, which forced me to flinch back against the trunk of the tree.

Oh yeah, I am also resting on a tree branch. How did I got up here? No idea, and to be honest, I don’t care either. Makes me feel big and tall up here, being above all of these little toddlers. Especially towards those right below me.

I heard a series of giggles and chuckles afterwards while rubbing the sore spot on my cheek.

“Kids these days. Good thing I can’t use my voodoo hacks on you yet” I thought to myself with a bit of a grimace.

“Hey, did you know? Miss Deep Care has called all of you little babies over inside because of some grownups showing up to adopt one of your group, and she did NOT call you. Which isn’t really much of a surprise given how overly weird you are.” She explained while I was till busy looking off into the distance and not giving her any leg room to work from.

Again, kind of sucks to not be able to properly talk. Opening my big ass mouth is one of my main weapons after all. Silver tongue and spouting complete rubbish to confuse my adversaries.

“Yeah, plus he doesn’t even know how to talk yet. I think he is more stupid than weird.” One of the colts beside her announced which caused another series of chuckles.

“Nah, I think he is more loose in the head than anything else. No wonder he doesn’t even have any parents.” Tetra said once more, which just made me frown even more.

“Look who's talking. No wonder, with your attitude..”

To be fair, she wasn’t completely off the ball here. I am aware that my ways and mindset are… brow-rising to most, which obviously reflect in how people's tend to perceive me.

I blame those chaotic fevers dreams I tend to get most of the time.

It’s usually the crazy ones that are the most self-conscious on who they are and what they are doing. No genius in history was ever sane. Not that I am calling myself a genius or anything. I am just...unique in my own way, something that school never accepted.

Speaking of school, I will have to go back to it eventually. Great, I can already feel my brain cells disappearing behind a backroom door already. All those physics and math problems and other stupid shit I will never use, ever, except when I suddenly decide to become a physicist or any other job that requires university levels of mathematics.

Which… no. I am too comfortable of a person for that stuff. I prefer the finer aspect of life like games, music and art, and some history thrown in here and there, and sitting on my ass all day and just not giving a damn. Like right now, just ignoring these three bullies for the sake of not removing myself from my self proclaimed throne of the world which happens to be nothing but a random branch of an oak tree. Imaaaaagination.

That, and I honestly have no idea in how to get down.

A few more rocks and stick where being thrown up my way at this point, all of them luckily not reaching or hitting me. The thick branch below me just being a perfect shield. Harmless but still rather annoying.

“Seriously, you guys are like 10 and you are picking right now on a lone 5 year old for you own kinks? At least bully someone your own belt high. But then again, all wanna be bullies are pretty much the same, no matter what world or dimension you find yourself in.” I thought to myself while crossing my forelegs.

“Alex? Alex, where are you?” I suddenly heard someone call me from a distance, someone I know very well simply because all she ever does is call me.

I shouldn’t have written my name on that piece of paper for her. Now all she does is call me for things I don’t like, except when she is calling for breakfast, lunch and din-din.

“Oh applesauce, it's Miss Deep Care.” One of the colts announced.

“Applesauce? Really? I know a lot of kids back in my world that can produce much saltier swear words than that… actually, all of them.”

Tetra just laughed. “Probably just calling him to make sure that he doesn’t do anything stupid or poops on his tail.” She teased.

“Come on, let’s just do something else.” She announced.

Her two goons nod before following her, finally leaving me alone and sadly unable to get rid of the beans I had for lunch.

But then again… I already went prior to this so I have no idea where THAT idea came from. I guess I could have just thrown an acorn at them or something. But still… how the hell can I get down?

That’s when an idea struck me. I picked a random acorn from one of the branches above me with my mouth and dropped it onto my right hoof. I reeled back, took aim and threw the nut as hard as my stubby forearms could at the head of one of the bullies below me.

The effects were immediate, and predictable too as I heard an “ouch” coming from the girl’s muzzle before she turned around and glared up me.

Right about now I would be mentally questioning myself on the probabilities of hitting her in the first place, especially knowing that I am normally a terrible shot. But that thought had to be placed on the backburner for the moment, because now it was show time.

Or more like ass time for what I have in mind. Basically giving them a taste of there own medicine. In physical form no less.

Both her and her two Diglets immediately made their way back under me. All three of them staring up at me with glares, especially Tetra who was still rubbing the back of her head.

“Hey you little snitch, do you think that you can throw a tree nut at me and get away with it?” She shouted which just made me chuckle.

“She doesn’t even know what an acorn is. How cute.”

She was picking up a rock with her hoof, her intentions clear and for me my Qu on what I wanted to do.

With a leap of faith similar to the ASScreed games, but far less graceful, I flung myself right above these guys for a very obvious reason. All of their eyes widened in an instant, but it was too late as I landed right on top of both Tetra and her two friends with a loud thud.

A perfect landing to cushion my fall.

Well, somewhat cushion my fall, I don’t know what type of physics this world seems to be operating on but it seems to be mostly similar to the ones my world in enslaved with, i.e. this still didn’t feel as smooth as I was hoping for and still somewhat hurt myself in the process. But still a hell of a lot better than just jumping down with nothing below me.

Just rub the soreness from my back and everything should be fine, something I cannot say to the three now lying flat on the ground under me.

I honestly hope that I didn’t overdo it this time, otherwise this would be….

“Ohhh…..” All three of them moan almost in sync which immediately gave me the answer I needed.

Those three will fine. Children these days are allot more sturdier after all when I was there age 14 years ago.

I mean they are born in an age where lady Gaga and kanye west are ruling over the music industry, and having nothing to listen to besides stuff like these two does tend to toughen a person up. It this case childrens.

With a smile I hopped off of those three and made my way casually over to where I believe I heard Deep shout from. Well, as casually as a kid with a bit of a sore back can at least. I think my back managed to slightly graze Tetra’s horn on my landing. Need to check my back on a mirror if I have the free time. But I am sure that Deeps would be able to notice something on me when I go and see what got her jimmies in a bristle.

If this place even has jimmies to begin with. If they do then they probably have James as well, or John or maybe even Jamaica.

I eventually found her just standing at the back entrance of the orphanage, looking towards the left side of the yard where most of the kids were running about.

She eventually spots me at the halfway mark..

“There you are! Where in Celestia’s name have you been hiding again?” She asked while trotting over to me.

Again, I was inclined to say something, but obviously, couldn’t, so I just decided to point a hoof at the oak tree I was hanging about most of the day.

She just ignored my gesture before ushering me follow her. “Come on, a pair of nobles are looking for a foal your age range for adoption. Hurry up, they wished for all of the foals to be present before they would even make a final decision.” Deep care explained.

This just got me a bit salty to the fact that Tetra was actually right for once. Was she really intentionally forgetting me and just called in all of the kids in my age range except me?

“Real smooth there Deep, real bloody smooth to just dust me under the rug like that.”

I would have loved to mentally criticize her further for her move when her sudden contact by pushing didn’t bring a hold on that first. The lady seems to be in a real hurry with this.

I hate being rushed.

“Come on, hurry, as I said the two guests and the other foals are waiting in the main hall just for you. So please, get a move on.” She urged.

Did I already mention that I hated to be pressured? First she started scheming behind my back and now she is rushing me as well?

Bloody fantastic, lady, just really likable on your part.

I pushed her hoof away from my ass and just walked myself back inside, like how she wanted. Once back inside the orphanage and past the main stairs, I was greeted with a sight similar to what I saw kids do around an ice cream truck that was having a sale... with the two adults being the aforementioned trucks. At least the mare seems to enjoy the overwhelming attention though.

Then it hit me. “Wait...these two are really nobles, judging by their clothes and over-excessive use of bling bling.” I thought to myself as I looked at those two with suspicion.

Obviously, my previous encounters with these money bags were… questionable at best and just flamethrower inducing at worst. Either they were stuck up or asses, or stuck up IN their asses. At least the horns on their skulls are a true visual representation on what they truly were in my books.

Dickheads. Which is Ironic.

So, props for the guy who came up with the idea to make all of them… or at least most of them, unicorns. You nailed the visual aspect perfectly. Have a cookie and maybe some beer.

I am part German after all. Wonder if these guys have pretzels as well?

“Well, here we are, the last foal.” Deep Care announced the moment we were within earshot.

All the attention was quickly shifted to me afterwards, even the kids as some of them just gave me a strange look.

“The silent one?” One of them perked up as I stopped right in front of them.

“He is not silent, he just can’t speak, that’s all.” Another one piped in, this one actually being Mystic Tune himself, one of the foals in this place I actually come to know and like.

Also one of the few who didn’t automatically mark me as weird too. Well, at least the majority are being honest, something most of us lose when we get older.

Heh, that makes me look and feel like a real philosopher. How quaint.

“He is unable to speak? Why would that be?” The stallion questioned curiously as he eyed me. His British accent and overall look immediately perking up my attention.

I love the British accent. It’s really classy in my books, and that laid back and nicely oiled hair and mustache really just screams ‘British gentleman’. Similar to the style’s you would find in the late 19th century.

My love and interest for history showing itself once more. I just really love this kind of stuff.

Deep just shook her head. “I do not know.” She responded before looking down at me. “I was planning to head to the doctors with him the first day, to see what might be the issue regarding his lack of speech, but whenever I tried to do so, Alex over here just disappears faster than I can even grab him with my magic. Which is… frustrating, I have to say.” She added.

“Well that’s because I don’t trust doctors and their pointy needles that they constantly insist on jamming to your butt cheek. Even if they promise you some gummy bears.” I thought as the British stereotype rubbed his chin in thought before a light bulb seemed to go up inside that stud.

Hey, I did a bit of a rhyme there.

“Wait, how would you know his name if you just said that he isn’t able to speak in the first place? Did he have a name card on him when you either found him or he got brought here, or did the pony who sent him here tell you his name?” He questioned.

Seriously, I could listen to that accent all day. I might actually get to do just that if for whatever reason the guy picks me over everybody else.

Just trying to keep it real here.

Deep Care shook her head again. “Well, no… he actually wrote his name down for me crudely on a piece of paper. Which was quite surprising given that most foals don’t even learn how to read and write until they hit six. Which by the way he seems to be true for the former as well as I caught him doing so a couple of times on the more advanced books back in our library.” She explained while rubbing the back of her neck.

This alone seemed to intrigue the tuxedo wearing stallion even more, especially the mare which I didn’t really gave much focus to until now. She too had that stereotypical biscuit look and feel on her. Long blond and curly hair on its tips, earrings and a long scarf.

Well, honestly, besides the hair there really isn’t anything British about her. Unless her accent is similar to…

“So in other words he is quite advanced for a foal his age.” She commented out of the blue which also helped me get the answer that I needed.

“Yup, totally British as well.”

Her voice kind of reminds me of Jane from Tarzan.

Deep Care nods. Man, she does that a lot now, doesn’t she? “Well, yes, in certain ways he does seem to be a lot smarter than he mostly shows.” She answered.

“Mostly shows?” The stud questioned this time.

“Well… he does act like a child most of the time. Like the part I just mentioned about me wanting to send him to a doctor.” Deep went on which again caused the stallion to rub his chin while looking at me with interest.

Don’t tell me…

“Anything else that is… unique about him?” He question.

Care began to think about it for a few moments before she looked up at the stud.

Another rhyme. I should just start writing poetry if this keeps up.

“Well…” Care began. “He is also unusually quiet and distant sometimes too, not really interacting much with the other foals like you would expect for somepony his age.” She answered.

She obviously didn’t see the few times where I did join a little band of munchkins in their little game of seek and go hide, or building a sandcastle that actually resembled proper “sandcastles” instead of either just mounds of sand or bucket shaped towers with cuddly representations of walls in between. But yet again, unable to openly voice up my side of the story, simply because I don’t have a voice.

I mean I do, but, all I can get out are either screams or utter gibberish, with some hmm’s and ahh’s mixed in-between. Though I am feeling that my vocals are slowly starting to untangle themselves the more I try. Could really be just be a lack of muscle memory on my part since this body of mine is still rather new and more or less foreign to my own senses. My mind knows how to speak but my body does not. That is, at least, my hypothesis.

This time it was the British mare who perked up. “Oh, how sad, maybe the poor colt suffered from some kind of trauma which makes him behave this way?” She suggested.

Deep just looked thoughtful. “Could be. I mean I found him all alone in the middle of the streets before bringing him here into the orphanage myself. It could be that he had experienced something that made him the way he is today. Foals are very fragile when it comes to that.” She hypothesized which just made me smile inwardly.

I love it when people try to understand me but ultimately can’t. Just so entertaining and interesting to listen to, just like that one psychiatrist in my local hospital. Even more so now as a kid. The prospect of them trying to figure me out is just ridiculous. I mean, I am just a 5 year old in their eyes, after all. What kind of a story and character can you get out from a 5 year old? In that state most kids are pretty much the same anyway.

Or at least from my own observations. I do have, or had, a lot of cousins after all. My family was quite expansive, certainly spanning continents in that regard.

Wonder if my new one will be the same if they somehow take me instead of all of these other, more likely, kids. You can’t really pick wrong from them.

The mare looked especially concerned after hearing that, while some of the foals, including Mystic, looked rather surprised instead.

They obviously don’t know my origin, but then again they don’t need to know.

It’s already good enough for them to think that I am weird. Any more perks and I might receive some issues.

Anyway, at that point I was kind of sick and tired of just standing around in one place, so I simply and casually sat down to ease all four of my legs. Even though they don’t really have that much to keep off the ground anyway.

It was at that point where mister fister suddenly invaded my personal space and once again re-activated my “stranger danger” siren inside my skull. I should really start to consider tweaking the settings a bit on that thing, so that I don’t run the risk of getting a headache because of it.

Anyway, he circled me a bit before stopping once more right in front of me while rubbing his chin in thought. I just kept my eye on him, raising a curious eyebrow at this walking credit card while, to my slight surprise, he did so too.

The guy was evaluating me, or at least that’s what I understood.

“So honey, which one are we going to pick? They are all absolutely wonderful in my book.” The mare announced with a smile.

I dozens of me, me’s ranged out afterwards from all of the foals. All obviously eager to find themselves new parents for them to love. But all of that just went over my head as I was still focused on the stallion that was also rather focused on me for some reason.

Again, I can tell that the guy was studying me and most likely also evaluating everything he has heard from my care take so far.

He eventually bends down, looking at me more closely while I did the same. The guy actually had a bit of cologne on him.

“Do you know your parents?” He casually questioned me. An odd question to say the least.

I just nod while keeping my gaze on him.

He hummed. “But they are not here aren’t they?” He questioned again.

I nod again as well.

“And there is no way for you to return to them yes? You were forced into the situation you are in now?” He asked further which again I answered with just a nod.

I wasn’t really ‘forced’ into this, but at the same time it is kind of true as well. Kind of was my fault too for not paying enough attention as to what I stick my spoon in. But I will obviously never admit that just so I can say “it was all my cousins’ fault”.

He was in charge of the rat poison after all. He bought it.

He just nods to that, a momentary glint in his blue eyes before rising back up.

“Well, that was weird.” But not as weird as to what was to come.

“Well I think I found the foal I wish to adopt.” He announced which immediately got everyone’s attention, even the foals’.

“Really, honey? Which one?” The mare asked curiously.

The stallion just smiled. “Him.” He answered while pointy gently at me.

“Well, this is certainly a surprise.”

Even more surprising for Deep Care, if her wide eyes where any indications.

“Are you sure? I mean, besides his alleged ability to read, he is rather odd for a foal and at certain times even quite a hoof-full.” She pressed.

The stallion just turned his smile to her. “Yes I am sure. He is quite unique, I can tell already by just looking at him. Plus…” He paused for a bit. “There is also something… relatable about him that I cannot personally ignore, enticing me more to pick him over everypony else.” He explained.

Deep Care was, of course, confused at this somewhat, same with me as I didn’t fully catch on to that last part. I was too busy looking at the reactions of the other foals.

Some of course looked distraught, but other obviously seemed happy for me, especially Mystic Tune, the good kid.

The mare on the other hand seemed… knowing… but then again she IS his wife after all. Depending in how many years these two were married there would be no mare more knowing of his history and character than her.

“Maybe even knowing him TOO well?”

“But why the weird one?” One of the kids whine.

“Simple.” Brass smiled. “I was once weird too when I was young.” He answered before looking back to his wife. “What do you think, honey? Is my decision ok with you?” He asked.

The mare smiled. “A surprising decision I am sure. but I can tell that something about him specifically speaks to you. Though if you would ask me I would just be taking all of this foals with me if I could.” She responded which in turn made the stallion chuckle.

He eventually turned back to me and lowered his head. “What about you? Are you ok with the idea of us taking you with us as your new family?” He asked me.

I just shrugged. Feeling rather indifferent about all of this than anything else. He just chuckled before raising his head and looking back at Mistress Deep care. His smile dropping somewhat.

“Well, let’s just get this over with then.” He sighed.

Care nodded. “Of course, but first, let me lead these foals back up into their rooms, seeing that is steadily getting late.” She said which was accompanied by allot of “Aww's” from all the kids.

As more and more kids passed by me to follow Care back up to the second floor, I was suddenly tapped on my shoulder.

I was none other than Tune himself.

“Congratulations on your chance of getting a new home. I guess… this means you will be taking you magical white board thing with you, won’t you?” He said.

Of course the first focus running through his brain is of course my tablet with all of those tunes stored inside. But again, can’t really fault him for that as he IS just a kid and an incredibly young one at that. It’s just nice knowing that he took to time to still talk to me afterwards.

Quite the role model this one.

I just smiled and gave him a nod which he accepted as an answer. He was about to say something again when a certain caretaker had other ideas.

“Mystic Tune, I said that it is bedtime so please stick with the group and get to your room.” Care called out which left this one sided conversation rather short.

Tune said his final goodbye before running off to catch up with the others leaving me and my new “parents” all alone in the hall.

Well, this is certainly something new to get used to. Then it hit me.

“Wait… did I just go from poor to fucking rich in an instant?” I thought to myself with wide eyes.

I grinned. “Like this outcome already. Where the fuck have you two been this entire time?”

I am going to be drowning in biscuits in the foreseeable future. Hopefully these guys actually have some cheese and coffee on their weekly shopping list in whatever overpriced store they get their grub in, otherwise I will still be going into a tantrum none the less… before I “borrow” my new dads credit card of course.

Do they even have plastic here?

“Oh yeah I almost forgot to introduce ourselves to you.” My new dad suddenly announced which automatically got my attention as I looked up at his smiling visage. His wife or “mom” moving next to him, also smiling down at me.

These horses really love to smile, don’t they?

“Your name is Alex, right?” He questioned first, which I confirmed with a nod.

“Well then, it’s nice to meet you, Alex.” He gestured to himself. “My name is Sir Brass Silver Watch.” He introduced himself before gesturing over to his wife.” And this here is my spouse, Lady Camellia Harmonica.” She did a little bow at the end of that before hunching down in front of me.

“We will be your new mom and dad from this day forth and we will promise to give you the same love and attention as our daughter back home.” She whispered to me, which was an interesting revelation I have to say.

“So wait…they already have a child?” I wondered to myself.

This, of course, was immediately rather suspicions on my end. Why adopt me if they already have a child of their own? There is certainly more to this besides getting a child I, just know it. But, in the end, who cares? As long as I get my cheese and coffee once I am there, not to mention not having to deal with so many kids anymore.

Again, nothing against them, I just don’t have to attention span to actively deal with all of them. Especially with the likes of Tetra. Getting rid of her is also a nice bonus, and getting automatically rich at the same time. Can’t forget about becoming rich. It is very important and essential in forgetting my previous mentioned suspicions.

Just imagine all the cheese I can get now. I would be salivating right now if it isn’t for the fact that I suddenly got a face full of a… face. Lady Camellia’s face in fact.

Yeah I can’t openly call them mom and dad knowing that my real mom and dad are still out there. I think… if you don’t add time dilation into the whole “new dimension” thing.

Let’s not even bother, my mind is already chaotic enough as it is.

Anyway, I think this move is dubbed as a nuzzle? I don’t know and really don’t care either as this was more awkward for me than it had a right to be. Maybe it’s because I am still human inside. Which is good because I hate using my roots of origin, regardless if I am in a new world with a new body or not.

I come from a race that invented the atom bomb to blow up its own stuff. Fear my nuclear fusion and sense of self destruction. Masochism never has been so… explosive.

“Well, now that all of the youngsters are in their rooms, let’s do the paperwork.” The voice of Deep sounded from behind, which thankfully stopped the face grinding.

“Yes of course. Let’s go sign a dozen or so papers about child safety and insurance.” Brass sighed as he followed Deep to the front desk.

Does my insurance cover a lack of dairy products? Because I would seriously love some now to process this.

Like the fact that they already have a kid and that all of this smell rather suspicious in my end.

Author's Note

Another chapter another cookie. By the way? Would you guys see concept sketches of both Brass and Camellia? Mystic tune perhaps as well when he gets re-introduced in a later part of this Story.

Also how was this?