Trading Places

Chapter 1

        Have you ever sat back and really thought about just how funny irony is? No, seriously. Irony is a strange literary device that, when used properly, can create some very dreadful or very interesting scenarios. Both situations are hilarious. Why do I find dreadful things hilarious? Beats the shit out of me. I guess I'm just weird like that. The literal definition of irony is words or things being used for something other than their literal intention. One of the biggest events in my life happened in a sense of irony. Or reverse irony. Whatever. You'll see what I mean soon enough. Because on the cloudy Tuesday this story starts, I was sent to a place I never expected or wanted to see. In the flesh or otherwise. So sit back, grab something to drink, and enjoy this story. It's a doozy.

        It seemed like any other morning. I got up at 6:15 and got in the shower. Then I spent at least ten minutes just trying to get the water to be the right temperature. Yeah, I know. I'm picky. Then I got dressed, went to the kitchen, made myself a perfect breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon (chewy, it HAS to be chewy) and toast. This is always done by 7:00. What is it with girls and taking forever to get ready? I have no idea. And since my first class isn't until 9:00, I sit back, turn on the tv, and enjoy as I eat my breakfast.

        As 8:30 approached, I packed up my backpack with everything I would need for class today, and headed out the door of my tiny, little apartment. I got in my car (an old '76 Ford) and drove to school. To anyone in high school who is under the impression that college is easy, I want to clear something up right now. COLLEGE IS A PAIN IN THE ASS. My first class today is Psychology, and my professor is a stuck-up, old douche who doesn't care about anyone but himself. He also seems to be devoid of anything resembling emotions. All that is in addition to the fact that the class is really difficult.

        But that isn't the worst of it. The guy who sits next to me, my best friend, won't shut up about ponies. It's kinda hard to be best friends with a guy who is a man child who is into My Little Pony. I'll never hear the end of it. "You need to try the show, dude. You'll love it!" "Why don't I show you some of the fan art?" It's the same thing every damn day.

        Today he was trying to convince me of this My Little Dashie thing, which is apparently the best fanfiction ever written in this God forsaken fandom. "Come on, Carl, it's really good! I just know you'll love it!"

        "No, Austin," I said. "For the last time, I will not try this pony shit. I will not look at the fan art, and I will not read My Little Dashie." He himself may be easy to convince, but I'm not. It's actually come back to bite him in the ass before, because it makes him really gullible.

        "One way or another, you will get into this show," he said after a short pause.

        "Yeah," I said. "I doubt that."

        "Hey!" the professor yelled. He may be yelling, but he didn't seem angry. Again, no emotion. "No talking in my class! Or I'll kick you both out. Understand?"

        "Yes, Professor," we both said quickly.

        "Good," the professor said, turning back around to the blackboard and continuing the lecture.

        After a long pause, Austin leaned over to me and whispered, "One way or another."

        I didn't even bother with a response. I just ignored him and listened to the lecture.

        The rest of the day was boring as usual. I aced a test in Calculus, but I was always good at math, so that wasn't anything new. At the end of the day, I got into my old, crappy car and drove off. By the time I got home, I was tired, grumpy, and I just wanted to sit down and watch tv. After I found something to watch, I decided to relax. But then, a strange sensation came over me. I was burning up. I just got hotter and hotter, and it felt like I was on fire. I needed to do something, but I couldn't move. I was on fire and I couldn't move. Then, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I felt the sensation of falling. Not in any particular direction. Just falling through space. What the hell is going on? I thought. Am I dying? And then, nothing. It was over.