Princess Nightmare Moon's squeaks, chirps, and clicks were in a much deeper register than most of her creations could manage.

Two black and grey shadows emerged from a dark corner of the storage room and saluted with leathery wings.

She pointed a hoof, squeaked and chirped imperiously, sending one galloping off to scramble a squad from the barracks. A dozen of her stormtroopers to send through the mirror, if Twilight and Rarity failed to return.

There were many, many more if that wasn't enough.

While she and the remaining guard waited in the storage room, Princess Moon posed in front of the mirror, flaring her black wings dramatically and grinning to show off her pearly-white fangs. If all went well perhaps she would get the chance to visit the new universe and enjoy some therapeutic shouting. She so seldom got the chance for a really good stomping and shouting these days. Ever since her sister's return from exile it was lessons in Friendship; hosting court parties; cutting ribbons on foalcare facilities; solving diplomatic crises with chat and tea instead of blood and screams.

Pah!

It was dull and depressing.

Though it was… nice… that her sister ruled the Day with a golden hoof once more. Taking over the day shift saved Moon from dealing with the arrogant geldings of Solar Parliament.

But she'd give anything for a lovely bloody border conflict or violent revolutionaries to crush beneath her hooves like so many grapes! The closest thing to a proper scrap since Daybreaker's return was that stupid food fight in Appleloosa! And even that had been neatly wrapped up by the Elements of Harmony before she'd arrived. It was embarrassing! Charging in to slaughter those who dared challenge the State's authority, with a Century of Guards and a Wing of moonfoals all thirsty for bison blood, only to have peace break out.

Peace!

Moon furiously hissed and spat, making her armour-clad companion rattle.

Oh well, at least there'd been pie.

With any luck Twilight and that clothes horse would get captured or worse and start the lovely little war that she-

Twilight galloped out of the mirror, with a frantic Rarity on her tail.

Princess Moon gaped, startled from her bloody musing.

Twilight ran past her and pin-balled off the guard's armoured chest. Rarity's hooves slid on the stone floor, but she crashed into Twilight. They fell in a shrieking heap of flailing hooves.

Princess Moon inhaled to shout at them, but before she could get going, another pony came tumbling through the mirror and sprawled on its side at her hooves.

With legendary alicorn-brisk cogitation, Moon assessed the situation: destroying the mirror was the most obvious way to avoid further invasion from a hostile universe. The most immediately gratifying response as well. To smash! Might be worth it, even having spent months building the blasted thing.

But she restrained herself and contemplated her sister's lessons on, ugh, 'kindness'.

She could toss this clumsy invader back, then destroy the mirror. But that would waste a potential asset before understanding what was going on.

No smashing. For now.

Decision made, she flipped the mirror face down on the floor and quickly moved a hoofful of heavy brass telescopes on top, effectively building a stone wall in front of the mirror.

That would suffice.

The little pony at her feet was still knocked silly, so she ignored it and turned to her Elements. Twilight sprawled in a most uncharacteristic way on the floor, getting dirt on her usually spotless hide! Rarity sat, gasping for breath, hugging her wailing friend.

"What is going on?" Princess Moon demanded in a tone that brooked no argument.

"The worst. Thing. E-ever!" Twilight sobbed. "I stole my First Kiss and it tasted utterly, utterly viiile!" She broke down into incoherent sobs and hiccoughs.

"What?!"

Rarity panted and pointed to the purple pony at Luna's hooves. "We bumped into ourselves in that other universe and their Twilight kissed my Twilight and chased us through the mirror."

Princess Moon snorted a dismissive little snort. Little wimp! She had heard of stranger happenings and had kissed even stranger things with her own licorice lips. She focused her attention on this other Twilight… who stank like a bordello on Monday morning! Moon lowered her head to snuffle at the pony and savour the randy funk coming off of…

Him!

Dusk Shine groaned and opened his eyes.

He looked up, and up, and up, at the massive black pony looming over him, her muzzle a whisker away from his. Huge green eyes with slit pupils like a dragon's sent a jolt of fear through him! Then her black lips slowly peeled back into a feral white-fanged grin!

His mouth opened but the only noise brave enough to venture out was a high pitched squeak.

Princess Moon chuckled. A merry sound that was out of place for such a monster. She hadn't felt true petrifying fear like this in such a long, long time! Delicious! She scooped up the little stallion in her magic, hauling him into the air as she trotted for the door.

"Stay here and keep an eye on the mirror", she ordered the guard and paused a moment to speak with Rarity and Twilight. "Thank you for bringing me a new toy. Remain in the palace and cleanse yourselves in the royal baths. I'm certain my sister will wish to speak with you when she rises and you know how she hates an unkempt pony."

"Twilight?!" Dusk, turned upside down in Princess Moon's inflexible magical grasp, thrashed his legs uselessly. "Twilight, help me!"

But Twilight just sat there in Rarity's forelegs, shocked silent, staring at a stallion with her own colour, mane, and even her cutie mark on his rump. Tears and mascara trickled down her cheeks.

"If anypony needs me, we'll be in my bedchamber!" Moon's howling laughter echoed in the Observatory as she trotted off with Dusk in tow.

Rarity floated on her back, legs spread and limp, adrift in a hot tub fit for alicorn princesses.

Steaming floral-scented water soothed her tense muscles. She was exhausted after a sleepless night of 'adventuring' to strange worlds but the sound of scrubbing, splashing, and Twilight's angry muttering kept her from dozing off.

Twilight squatted on a slatted wooden floor in the washing area and fiercely scrubbed her hooves for the fourth time while also brushing her teeth. Her magic worked all five brushes with the furious determination of a pony washing away memories as well as the - by now imaginary - filth on her hide and in her mouth. Soap and toothpaste foam slurped down a drain as she tipped a bucket of hot water over herself.

Her gorgeous mane and tail hung limp and dripping, hours of work by the Palace's beauticians ruined, as Twilight stalked to the tub. Grumbling angrily she dunked a hoof, then practically threw herself in.

Wavelets rippled and broke around Rarity as Twilight slumped on one of the benches around the tub's rim.

Lazily rolling her head to gaze at her purple friend, Rarity asked, "Feeling any better?"

Brow deeply furrowed, Twilight pursed her lips and blew bubbles in the water. She sat up a little and said, "I feel a touch cleaner… on the outside."

Seeing her dear friend shudder despite the steaming hot water, Rarity rolled over and chest-stroked to the side of the tub and settled on the bench. She didn't say anything but just sat close to Twilight, letting her friend know that she was literally by her side in this trying time. She felt a tingling touch on her flank as Twilight's long tail was stirred by the hot tub's gentle current.

She shivered and felt a tiny bit guilty for the stolen caress.

Idiot! Pining after Princess Moon's apprentice. She was just as sappy as the object of her affection.

Twilight had devoured all of the fairy tale romances hidden away in Princess Moon's private collection. Books that were banned and burned, with only a few originals horded away in secret libraries. Why the princess had them was anypony's guess… she wasn't exactly the romantic type. In private, Twilight loved to gush over fantastic medieval heroes, noble princes, and fated romance. Memories of an age long-since liquidated by the glorious Pony Republic of Equestria.

Twilight frowned, her cheeks bulged, and Rarity counted down in her head, 'Five… Four… Three… Two… One… … Minus one… Minus two… Mi-'

Slightly off cue, Twilight huffed, "She kissed me, Rarity! I kissed me!" Water splashed as Twilight flailed her hooves. "A mare kissed me and it was sooo depraved! My First Kiss, my very First Kiss, tasted of apples and sweat and salted slugs! I'm ruined, Rarity! Ruined! No prince shall ever come to rescue! I'll languish forevermore in my dusty library, doomed to merely read of love and never, ever taste the sweet fruit of-"

"Twilight!" Rarity interrupted. "That wasn't your 'First Kiss'!"

Twilight sniffled and turned her head, an eyebrow arched in curiosity. "Nopony has ever kissed me before, and it most certainly was an, ugh, kiss. Of a sort. An unspeakable sort. Pray tell how that was not my First Kiss?"

The elegant, courtly mare was even more beautiful with her smeared mascara and heavy eye shadow scrubbed away. After a few moments gazing into Twilight's bloodshot eyes Rarity untangled her tongue and said, "Y-yes, it was a kiss. B-but if you think about it, you actually have kissed other ponies before. Your parents, your brother, Princess Moon's hoof…"

Twilight's brows furrowed as she pouted. "Those were not First Kisses."

"No and this wasn't either. First Kisses are romantic, magical, two-souls touching…" Rarity didn't believe a word of it. Twilight would go on and on and on about her silly romantic fantasies and though Rarity knew it was nonsense, it was kind of sweet that Twilight truly believed.

One of the many things Rarity luh luh luh… liked about her friend.

"I certainly would not want to touch the soul of that depraved version of myself." Twilight made a delicate 'blech' sound and stuck out her pink tongue. "But you are right. You're always right. I get in such a tizzy and you bring me back to my senses. Merci."

Twilight wrapped her forelegs around Rarity, drawing her in for a warm, wet, splashy hug in the hot tub. Hesitantly, Rarity responded, daring to touch and squeeze Twilight and burying her muzzle in her damp mane. She loved Twilight's scent, especially now that she was freshly bathed and not hiding her own beautiful odour with the overly rich perfume that she favoured.

"Rarity?"

With a soft 'mmhmm' Rarity snuffled next to Twilight's ear, lost in the sensation of their water slick coats pressing together. Their cheeks touched. It wouldn't take much to turn her head and plant a - hopefully real - First Kiss on Twilight's lips.

If only she dared.

"Rarity dear, are you quite alright?"

The hint of concern in Twilight's voice made Rarity jerk away with her ears and face blushing a bright pink. "S-sorry. It's… uh… too hot. And wet. Yes! Too hot and wet."

"Ma cher, are you feelin-"

"Not you! You're not too hot!" Rarity's eyes widened as she realised that Twilight might be insulted. "I mean, you are! You are hot! Totally hot! B-because you're in the tub! With me! We're both too hot and too wet! Together! In the tub!"

Drowning herself was the only sensible option! Quickly submerging did at least shut her fool mouth!

The double-doors to the bathing room slammed open and Princess Moon stomped in with a body-servant trailing behind. Sans royal regalia, her blue starry mane hid inside a very large, very pink towel done up in a tall beehive-shape atop her head.

Even Twilight, who had lived in Canterlot her entire life, didn't know what protocol dictated in this situation. One couldn't exactly perform an appropriate obeisances while neck deep in - as Rarity had helpfully pointed out at great length - hot and wet water.

Rarity broke surface and rubbed her eyes as Princess Moon eased her impressive bulk into the tub. The alicorn-rump-sized wave pushed her back to Twilight's side and she picked up where she'd left off with her blushing, stammering, and generally acting a complete foal.

Twilight ignored her silly friend and ducked her head down into a sort of sitting bow, dipping the end of her snoot in the water. She spluttered a little and said, "H-horrid, uh, morning I guess it is by now, Dear Princess. Did your tête-à-tête with that bizarre stallion go well?"

"Horrible morning, Twilight. Rarity."

Princess Moon waved to the servant and she quickly brought a silver tray with a bottle of exquisitely dark syrah, a crystal goblet, and selection of bitter chocolate bon-bons.

She snorted and said, "That little morsel was not entertaining at all! How am I supposed to have any fun if he keeps blacking out?" She waved her hooves in the air and let them fall into the tub with a splash.

"How rude", Twilight said.

The servant set her tray by the hot tub, filled the glass with ink-dark wine, and backed away to wait patiently with fluffy pink towels, monogrammed with a black crescent moon, draped over her back.

Princess Moon gobbled a bitter chocolate with a crunchy black widow centre, and offered the tray to Twilight and Rarity.

Twilight took one look at the chocolates shaped like spiders, mouse heads, and puddles of tentacles and shook her head. "Umm… thank you, but no thank you. Wouldn't want to spoil breakfast." Or throw up in the bath.

Princess Moon snickered and tossed a couple more into her maw. She hadn't really expected them to bite, but it was funny all the same. There was nothing quite like teasing the Tartarus out of her deliciously innocent right-hoof mare. At first, cultivating Twilight's naiveté had been a pain in the rump! But it was a necessary sacrifice. Moon had hid her collection of porn under her fortunately vast bed; frightened away anypony who might ask Twilight to the Grand Groaning Gala; and subtly encouraged her young student to enjoy romantic fantasy rather than earthy pleasures. She even guarded the little mare's dreams to keep them suitably foal-like. The most difficult thing was restraining her own healthy lust! Dragging Twilight off to devour that juicy romantic cherry had been a constant temptation. But she had to be kept innocent, pure, and ignorantly trusting to bring Daybreaker back.

Now, well, it was mostly just habit… and it was hilarious to make Twilight squirm.

"I gave up and threw him into a cold shower. He awoke briefly while I was scrubbing his backside, but one look at Old-Fang-Face next to his meat and two veg and his eyes rolled up and he was out like a light again." She grinned, showing off her long and pointy pearlies.

She eagerly anticipated her vague mention of the stallion's cock and balls reducing Twilight to flustered stammers and an adorable blush.

"Good." Twilight scowled.

Moon's eyebrows shot up and even Rarity stared.

Water splashed and bubbled.

The servant quietly stifled a cough.

"What?!" Twilight glanced between them.

"Ah, well, it's just not like you to be so angry", Rarity said in a soothing tone.

Twilight hmf'd. "You try being assaulted by some depraved version of yourself and see how you feel about it. That queer stallion may not have been the foul creature who kissed me but- Actually, perhaps it was! Perhaps it's a shape shifter?"

Princess Moon swallowed a gulp of wine so thick with tannin it could strip paint. "I very, very thoroughly examined our 'guest' and he's a simple unicorn like you, though marinated in a delicious crust of cum."

"C-c-c-c-…" Twilight's face flushed cherry red.

Moon grinned wickedly and licked her chops. Finally, she'd gotten the response she was looking for!

Twilight submerged to cool her head in the tub's steaming hot water.

Meanwhile, in the universe 'next door'… I mean the first one. The one with all the twins. I'll call it the 'Twinverse' from now on so it's clear, okay? Anyway…

There was something real queer about swinging a pickaxe at a mirror. Especially when, instead of shattering, the steel point just passed clean through and kicked up a puff of rock dust and pebbles.

Applejack waited until his sister got her pick clear and then swung his at the same spot. He winced. Expecting shards of glass to go flying. They'd been at this for half an hour and that fear wouldn't go away. The mostly silent impact was also pretty creepy. The only sound came through his teeth from the pick itself.

It bit deep and stuck. He tugged and the corner of a dark-grey square stone popped through the surface of the mirror.

"Yeehaw!" cried Applejack, "We'll be through this here wall in no time! Ah hope the others'll be done with their fancy math'magics soon. We gotta git Dusk back afore Twilight…" She trailed off and shook her head to clear the depressing thought from her mind.

"Come on, bro. Let's git back at it."

"Eeeyup."

Applejack wedged his prybar into the mirror's surface and began levering out the stone so Applejack could get her hooves on it.

Under the Observatory's dome the remaining Squires and the Sovereigns of the Night huddled around one side of the round table. Red, sleep-deprived eyes shocked open wide as Princess Luna served each of them a round of tiny moon-shots from her private coffee blend. Most held very still, aside from the odd tremor, afraid a ear-twitch might make them shatter. Pinkie and Bubble jiggled like hyperactive paint mixers beneath the Rainbow twins.

Ball gags had been deployed.

Twilight gazed at the oily, black surface of her shot for a few minutes before gulping it down in one hit while the others timidly sipped their foul tasting Elixirs of the Night Shift. She made a face at the bitterness but otherwise hardly reacted. Her limp mane's colours had faded almost completely to grey and her cutie mark was difficult to see as it lost contrast and blended into her drab coat. She felt nauseated, abandoned, and afraid. The throbbing hangover and sore plot didn't help. Why oh why had she let Blitz talk her into trying anal?

"Twilight?"

She jolted and looked into Prince Artemis' concerned eyes. "Uhh… What?! … Your Highness?"

He smiled encouragingly and his deep, mellow voice soothed her frayed nerves. "You were telling us what you had learned from our scans of the new universe."

"I was?" Twilight blinked and pawed at the scrolls lying on the table. "Oh, right. Umm…"

She shifted uncomfortably on her pillow while the other Squires looked on with concern evident in their eyes. Except for Rainbow Dash who sat on top of Bubble Berry's prone body. Her eyes were closed and she had a dopey smile on her muzzle thanks to the pink stallion's coffee-induced vibration.

"Umm…" Twilight umm'd and ran a hoof over her scribbled notes. "It looks like they don't have twins like us, just all mare Squires."

Like the version of herself she had drunkenly smootched before everything went to the diamond dogs. Twilight winced and went on, "They have a Princess Luna and a Princess Celestia, a Prince Sombra, Shining Armour, Princess Cadence. Umm… All the usual ponies we've found on the other Core universes really. The only relationship that I've found so far is Shining and Cadence, which is a bit strange. I can't figure out why we ended up 'near' them. Must've been a lot of skewing in other dimensions… Caused by… Umm…"

Princess Luna cleared her throat to get Twilight's attention. She asked, "Is there aught you have learned that will aid in determining a stratagem for your brother's safe return? As they have placed their mirror against a wall it seems they do not wish to parlay."

"Umm, well, if they've never seen a male Squire before they might just be shocked and curious about it. Once we break through the wall a few Squire pairs could go through and talk to them. A little friendly… uh… Wha's'a word? Diplomancy?"

Twilight's head wobbled and she just wanted to lie down and have a nap. Her head drooped before she snapped back upright and blinked her gummy eyes rapidly. No! No, she had to stay awake! If she fell asleep now, without Dusk, she'd never wake up! Such was the fate of all twins when one of the pair passed away. The other would Fade, sleep, and join their sibling in the afterlife. But Dusk couldn't be… be… No! It just because he wasn't in this universe anymore! Was there a way to prove it? Twilight listlessly shuffled her hooves over the mess of scrolls on the table.

Blitz growled, "I've got a better strata-thingy! I say me 'n sis dive through the mirror, we grab Dusky, fly him back and then dump that mirror into a hole in the ground. Wham, bam, thank you, dam! Job done." He squirmed and struggled to keep a fierce expression as Pinkie Pie jiggled and got a little hoofsy.

Elusive tut-tutted. "A valiant notion but I believe Twilight's idea of diplomacy is the more suitable plan. Why risk antagonising our new neighbours when this may be a simple misunderstanding?" Blitz glared at him and his white ears flushed a lovely shade of rose pink. "O-on the other hoof, perhaps we could keep a daring rescue as our backup plan?"

Princess Luna glanced at her brother and raised an eyebrow. After a moment of careful, majestic contemplation, his square chin dipped in a nod. They must try to wrap up this mess before their bossy older siblings awoke and made a stink.

"Very well", intoned Luna in her a very serious and dramatic voice. "The Squires of Generosity and Loyalty will visit this new universe and attempt to use diplomacy to win back Squire Dusk. If that fails, retrieve him by surprise and brute force."

Twilight nodded listlessly.

"The remaining Squire of Magic must also sojourn through the mirror", said Prince Artemis.

Wait! What?

"Buh? Wuh?" Twilight hardly felt the princess' calming nuzzle through the fog and numbness that was slowly consuming her.

"It is our best chance to halt your Fading. I know you don't wish to do this, that you feel sick unto death. But you should recover quickly on the far side of the mirror, Squire Sparkle. Come, let us delay no longer." His teal magic scooped her up and the gathering of Squires and Sovereigns broke away from the table. They trotted to the storage room to check the universe breaching team's progress.

Back to the other verse. Umm… 'Mooniverse'? Gods that's corny. 'Inverseverse, Reverseverse?' … 'Perverseverse?' Okay, that has a kind of poetry to it. Really awful poetry. Perfect.

Meanwhile in the Perverseverse…

General Blueblood nervously licked his lips and wondered for the umpteenth time how he kept letting himself be talked into ridiculous missions like this one. The guard should have sent one of the palace couriers, but they had all preferred a night in the dungeon over approaching Princess Moon's bedchamber. Even the guards had quaked in their armour at the thought.

He could hardly blame them.

With a nervous twitch he retrieved an envelope from inside of his uniform's tunic. It contained the Guard's message vis-a-vis the strange noises they had heard coming from the face-down mirror. He crouched and slid it under the door to the bedchamber, then stood straight and tall while gathering his courage. The scars on his regal hide and the many medals on his uniform spoke eloquently of his courage leading from the front but this was a foe on an entirely different scale. Surely, Auntie Moon wouldn't inflict her foul lusts on a relative? Even a distantly related one?

His throat felt too thick to manage a nervous swallow and he held his breath while slowly raising a hoof.

BANG! BANG! BANG! He hammered at the door, turned tail, and fled as quickly as his courageous hooves could carry him! Sometimes a rapid advance to the rear was the only sensible strategy.

"Baaarb! Spiiike! Somepony's at the door."

Not hearing any reply, Dusk Shine weakly struggled out of a soft comforter and blearily looked around.

Huh.

Weird. This wasn't their bedroom.

His fur bristled as he remembered.

This was HER room!

Dark-blue-almost-black walls spangled with glittering stars. Black velvet drapes over tall windows. Silver scroll-work on the wainscoting and furniture. A large 'X' shaped cross of stained oak with leather straps. The colossal bed he lay on was surrounded by bat-like curtains that echoed the wings of that monstrous alicorn!

He might have soiled the silky black sheets if his bowels weren't already completely empty from being tortured by that nightmarish version of Princess Luna.

Raw animal terror sharpened his senses.

She wasn't here!

This was his chance!

He muttered, "Move", to his stiff legs. "Move, move, move!"

With numb limbs he struggled to the edge of the bed and tumbled off to sprawl on the black marble floor. His skull throbbed with a terrible headache and his legs trembled like a newborn foal's. A small part of his dazed mind wondered if this was what a hangover felt like. He'd never had one before and started on a mental list of the novel symptoms in order to compare the experience with literature on the subject.

No!

No time for that!

He stallionfully struggled up onto his hooves and snuck to the door, warily glancing around the room with his ears perked for any sign of Princess Gelding-Fangs. He pressed an ear to the door but didn't hear anything other than his own ragged breath. Stepping back he grasped the door handle with his magic but hesitated when he spotted an envelope lying on the floor.

Giving in to curiosity, he scooped it up and tore it open.

TO: HER ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCESS NIGHTMARE MOON STOP
FROM: LUNAR HOUSE GUARD SERGEANT ~~SWIF~~ FOR TARTARUS' SAKE STOP WRITING MY NAME STOP

UNUSUAL NOISE OBSERVED FROM MIRROR STOP ADVISE IF SAFE TO RAISE AND DETERMINE CAUSE STOP OH BUGGER IT STOPPED STOP AWAITING YOUR ORDERS STOP

He stared at the missive for a few moments before it clicked. A mirror? The runny mascara he'd seen on Twilight before that demonic version of Princess Luna hauled him away? Somehow he'd stumbled into another universe and it sounded like the other Squires must be trying to rescue him! He sighed with relief. They were coming for him! If he could sneak out of here and make his way to the Observatory, he'd be home.

He crumpled the note and stuffed it into the screaming mouth of a creepy bust. At least he hoped it was just a bust and not somepony who'd been turned to stone!

Crouching low he gently pushed the door open a little and peered out through the crack. The room looked just like Sovereigns of Loyalty's office back in his own universe.

Well, not exactly: Artemis and Luna didn't use whips, manacles, dildos, or pony statues dressed in latex gimp suits for decor.

With a shudder he tore eyes away from implements of sexy torture and crept out into the room. Thick carpet kept his numb hooves from making a sound as he took cover behind a black leather couch and snuck over to the open doorway out to a hall. From where he crouched he could just see a guard in dark purple armour standing on one side of the door and there was no doubt another on the other side.

Hmmm… How to get past them?

Perhaps an aural illusion? That nightmare's voice was similar to Princess Luna's, so he might be able to summon the guards into the bedchamber.

Dusk Shine closed his eyes and - though he felt weak, sore and dizzy - he focused on building the spell's matrix. First he had to 'hear' the phrase he wanted to cast in Princess Luna's voice. Something like 'Guards! Come at once!' might work? He would need to crank up the volume to make it eye-wateringly loud. Gathering the necessary magic to cast with was a struggle, more then it should be, but he persevered.

And… Ready… Steady…

"Fetch that useless lump from my bed at once!"

Guards galloped into the room as the spell's glow fizzled out from around Dusk's horn, uncast. He crouched low, trying to press himself into the carpet as Princess Moon's tall black figure stomped through the door. She had her mane up and wrapped in a ridiculous fluffy pink towel but the wicked zeal in her dragon's eyes struck terror in Dusk's heart. He squirmed quietly as his testicles tried to reascend into the relative safety of his churning guts.

"H-he's not here, Princess!" one of the guards shouted.

"WHAT?!" Dusk's ears rang as she stomped towards the bedroom and yelled, "Well look for him you dolts! Check under my bed! They always try to hide there!"

Dusk forced himself to stand. Now, while they were distracted was his chance! He tip-hooved towards the hall and straight into Rarity and Twilight. Twilight! He couldn't help himself, feeling lost and sick, the need to run to his sibling for comfort overrode all logic.

He threw himself at his sister in a grappling hug. "Twily! Thank the stars! I missed you so much!"

"Unhoof me you uncouth oaf!" she shouted into his ear while struggling to push him away.

Princess Moon stuck her head out of the bedchamber and cackled. "Never mind! Got him!"

Clapped in chains! Stuffed into a gimp suit! Strapped to the cross and flogged! Tossed back onto the monster's stained bed sheets and violated with rubber… things!

Dusk feared that any and all of these would happen after he was prised away from Twilight, so it was a shock when he was cordially invited to breakfast.

This universe's version of Rarity cordially invited him anyway.

The monstrous princess simply scooped him up in her magic and dragged him along while Twily - not his Twily - glared at him while working a brush through her stylish mane.

He'd been an impulsive foal!

He and Twily, his sister, not this other mare, weren't concerned with appearances. Ink-stained hooves, a short mane and tail that were easily washed and ignored, no makeup, an interest in fancy clothing that could only be measured in negative integers. Why bathe every day when there were so many books left unread?!

No, this Twilight was not his sister.

Instincts howled at him to clutch at her like a security blanket, but her glare made it clear he'd be lucky to get away with all his limbs if he tried again.

Princess Stompy-Hooves carried him into a small dining room that was beautifully decorated in the same blacks, blues, and purples with silver highlights as her bedroom. On one wall hung a token Sun-themed banner woven from white silk and gold thread but otherwise the hall was stamped with her Night theme. In the centre, a dining table surrounded by comfy-looking sitting pillows for a dozen ponies.

The princess' magic dropped him unceremoniously onto one of them while she settled at the head of the table, lithe as a panther stalking prey. Rarity and Twilight sat next to one another on the opposite side from Dusk.

Princess Moon lifted a small bell carved from transparent crystal from the table and rang it. The beautiful, delicate chime was followed by a bellowed, "BREAKFAST!"

A half-dozen servants rushed into the room, some bearing trays and others pushing little carts. They quickly set the table with coffee, tea, milk and cream, shugar, muffins, scones, croissants, pancakes, cakes, jams, syrup, honey, butter, eggs prepared in a variety of ways, bacon, ham, and a tropical forest of fruits.

Dusk winced as he rubbed his abused ears and then again when the stink of rancid cooked flesh wafted into his nostrils. The meat was set at the princess' end of the table but the reek was inescapable and his already queasy tummy threatened to empty itself!

Rarity and Twilight seemed immune.

Rarity quickly assembled hers and Twilight's usual breakfasts on their plates: toast, Eggs Henedict, fruit for herself and fancy quiche for Twi. Twilight occupied herself with the complex ritual of brewing fresh tea.

Dusk didn't didn't want to seem ungrateful, especially since being invited to breakfast had gotten him out of that horrific bedroom, so he took a croissant and nibbled one pointy end.

"Tea, Mr… ah…?" asked Rarity, levitating the pot over to his cup.

She was the only pony at the table who acknowledged his presence, but her attempt at polite conversation was forced and awkward.

"D-Dusk Shine and yes, please." He glanced at her, smiled and felt his face and ears growing hot. It was difficult meeting her eyes without remembering the moment she'd cried out while his face was buried between her silky white thighs. No. Not this Rarity, but a Rarity. His limbic system and gonads couldn't tell the difference.

She finished pouring and glanced at him. "Are you alright, Mr Dusk Shine? You're pale and… sweaty."

Twilight snorted and muttered, "Disgusting", before raising her snooty muzzle and looking pointedly away from him.

"I do feel kinda ill", he admitted and distracted himself with adding milk and shugar to his tea. He glanced at the princess who was gobbling down tubes of fried pig intestine that had been auto-cannibalistically stuffed with other parts of the unfortunate swine. He felt disgusting, but she was several orders of magnitude more revolting!

For Rarity this breakfast was surreal experience. A little like chatting with a funhouse reflection of the powerful, refined, desirable mare sitting by her side. This 'Dusk Shine' was so physically similar to Twilight that she felt slightly flushed and her tongue was one misplaced word away from a flustered stammer. But he had none of the courtly mage's refinement or poise. An anti-Twilight pleb. What she might have become if Her Highness hadn't adopted her… and if she'd been born with a penis. Even his fur colour was pale and washed out compared with Twilight's rich, silky smooth coat and mane.

"You really should eat more, Mr Dusk Shine. Some fruit or a muffin… or do they eat meat where you're from?"

A loud rumbling growl came from the feral beast at the head of the table.

Princess Moon glared with her sharp fangs sunk into a toast and bacon sandwich. Butter, grease, and saliva dripped from her maw as dark magic slithered around the various plates of meat and slid them closer.

"No!" Dusk yelped. "No, we don't. Ah… perhaps I'll just have some fruit?" His wavering magic plucked a few grapes and placed them on his plate, though his appetite had fled the room leaving him stranded with a mouthful of salty saliva.

"Ummm…" Rarity fumbled for something to talk about to relieve the tension. "Maybe you could tell us something about your world? You have a sister who looks like Twilight?"

Dusk nodded numbly and said, "Yes, and my twin sister is also called Twilight." Poor Twily - she was probably frantic right now. "Everypony has a twin in my universe."

Rarity gasped with delight and asked, "I have a twin brother in your universe?" She imagined a vaguely masculine version of herself modelling the latest sartorial styles. While she specialised in clothing for mares, it would be an interesting challenge to tailor something for her otherworldly 'cousin'.

"Yes, his name is Elusive."

Princess Moon growled, "And what of me? There are two of me over there?" That could be tricky if they were going to conquer the place, though interrogating a version of herself who was equipped with a schlong could be amusing. Very amusing.

Dusk winced at Princess Moon's disturbing giggle and said, "There's nopony quite like you… Princess." Thank the stars, Moon, Sun, and earth beneath their hooves.

"Ah ha ha ha haaa…" Moon covered her disappointment with an insane cackle, spraying bread crumbs and bacon bits. "Excellent!" Ah yes, keeping the useless lump of flesh around and plying him with food and friendly conversation was proving an effective a tactic for extracting information. Just as her sister's boring lessons in diplomacy had promised! Though it was nowhere near as much fun as a quality-time in the dungeons.

The three unicorns grimaced and reached for their napkins. Dusk caught Twilight looking at him as he wiped his cheek but when she noticed that he'd seen her she let out a little 'hmf' and turned away. He looked across at Rarity, she shrugged and smiled wanly while flicking something unpleasant from her short mane.

Dusk forced himself to eat one of the grapes and washed it down with a sip of tea. Setting the cup down he cleared his throat, stood up and said, "That was delicious, thank you. Ah, may I be excused?"

"SIT YOUR RUMP DOWN!"

Dusk collapsed onto the pillow in his frantic need to obey that Voice and sit his rump back down immediately!

Princess Moon briefly delighted in the waves of fear rolling from the quivering lump of barely-a-stallion but then wilted a little under Rarity and Twilight's disapproving stares. Fiiine. She could take a hint. This was exactly the kind of diplomatic triviality that her sister was trying to teach her about… and Tia would be joining them at any moment! Time to trot out the velvet stockings for her iron hoof, lest she have to endure another dire, soft spoken lecture on good manners.

She coughed and in a dulcet if growling tone she said, "I mean… Please remain seated. First you must meet my little sister, Princess Daybreaker, and between us We Shall Decide YOUR FATE!"

Darn it!

She'd carried away again at the end and spoilt it.

Hearing that he would meet this insane universe's version of Princess Celestia kicked Dusk hard in his amygdala! Legs tensed to leap up and obey frantic telegraphs from the Head Office to relocate, post haste! Moon's glaring dragon's eyes kept his rump firmly planted on his pillow.

He swallowed the dry rocky lump in his throat.

Princess Celestia was the kindest, wisest, most sensible of the Sovereigns in his own universe. In this one, maybe she was the opposite of her… big sister? 'Big' sister?!

Rarity refreshed his tea and seemed about to pick up the broken remains of their conversation, when the doors on the other side of the dining room silently swung open on well-oiled hinges.

Princess Daybreaker trotted majestically into the room with Raven Inkwell walking by her side. Rarity and Twilight immediately stood and - after a nod from Princess Moon - Dusk wobbled up onto his hooves as well.

Daybreaker really was the little sister.

She was shorter than Raven!

He lost sight of her behind the table as they approached, but her white horn and pink mane bobbed above the edge of the table; she had a curly mop that would have looked at home on Pinkie or Bubble. Daybreaker was obviously experiencing the proportionate dwarfism that long duration starvation of magic induced in alicorns, who were otherwise eternal in nature. The Lunar Sovereigns had been similarly diminished by their exile to the Moon, though not to this extreme.

Raven lent Her Highness a helping-hoof to climb up onto a booster pillow.

Moon pounded on her chest with a hoof and burped loudly. She grinned and cheerfully shouted down the long table, "Gōdne morgen, besorgu lýtling sweostor!"1

Daybreaker smiled and nodded her small, graceful head. "Gōdne morgen, Móna."2 Her melodious voice was only an octave higher than his own Princess Celestia's, which sounded strangely deep and resonant coming from such a little pony.

Twilight, Rarity and Raven Inkwell settled onto cushions now that both princesses were seated. After a moment of blank-minded staring at the diminutive Sun Princess, he tore his rude eyes away and plonked his rump down onto his pillow. He wasn't certain how this 'deciding of his fate' was supposed proceed but for the next few minutes it was just a gaggle of ponies quietly sipping, nibbling, and trying to ignore Princess Moon's open-mouthed smacking and chewing on greasy pig corpse. Dusk prodded a grape in a circuit round his plate and stole a glance at Princess Daybreaker out of the corner of his eye. Was she waving a small gold-shod hoof at him? Yes, yes she was. Swallowing a nervous lump he politely turned to face her.

Her calm voice was a soothing balm to his shout-raw ears. "Ƿes hāl. Hū hātest þū?"3

Raven set her large coffee mug down and translated. "Her Highness greets you and asks-"

He cut her off. "Ƿes hāl. Ic hātte Dusk Shine. Ēadig, þeċ tō mētenne, cwénsdohtor Dægbrecaþ."4 Having read many, many, many Middle Eoh scrolls Dusk knew the language well enough, though he could only hope that his grammar and pronunciation weren't too awful.

(They were.)

Princess Daybreaker grinned and merrily clapped her hooves together. For a moment she looked very much like a excited teenager who'd just been given tickets to a concert - if said teenager had freakish black eyes with fiery gold irises.

Dusk Shine shuddered slightly over how creepy that looked on an otherwise youthfully-innocent Princess Celestia.

What followed was more of an interrogation than a conversation as she politely demanded that Dusk tell her everything that had led to his sudden arrival in Her realm. The questions were asked in a soothing, polite way but were also very direct. A teacher grilling a student during an oral exam. He was hard pressed to gloss over the more… intimate details of how the Squires had rescued their universe. She seemed satisfied with the explanation that the various Squires had 'dated' one another, but by the twinkle of amusement in her unsettling eye, Dusk feared that his euphemism hadn't fooled her for a second.

Rarity's heart beat a little faster as she listened to this handsome stranger displaying an unexpected and dreamily academic skill with his tongue…

With tongues!

Language!

Mind out of the gutter, miss. She was vaguely familiar with Middle Eoh from her research of ancient fashion trends, but she could only pick up a few words of their conversation. With a delighted grin she elbowed Twilight, but quelled her gushing praise of Dusk. Twilight's ears were flat and her lips bunched and twisted in a snarl. Oh, right… That Twilight's freakish, otherworldly 'twin' could speak with Daybreaker would be an grating reminder of own self-inflicted ignorance.

While attending Princess Moon's Coven for Tyrannical Unicorns,Twilight had used her many sycophants to translate old scrolls while she snuck off to read romances. That fateful day of Daybreaker's return, after all the fire and fury was dealt with, she couldn't even speak to the Royal High Solar Majesty she'd fought so hard to save!

Rarity turned back to follow the conversation and it was getting to an interesting bit - going by Dusk's red face and garbled mispronunciations of Princess Moon's name, 'captive', and 'bedchamber'. Suddenly he gasped, his eyes rolled back into his head and he keeled over onto the table while a bright glow of magic coursed over his body! Where the wave of shimmering light passed, his faded fur burst into rich colour that matched Twilight's coat perfectly.

Daybreaker blinked in surprise, looked at her sister and raised an eyebrow. "Moony, what mischief hath thou wrought upon him?"

"Who, mineownself?" Moon raised her hooves in a placating manner and protested, "I admit freely that I hath terrorised him, molested him, and there may hath been some tongue lashings - thou knowest our nature - but of this here now, I knowth nought more than thee."

Twilight and Rarity glanced back and forth between the two alicorns, not following a word of the rapid exchange in Middle Eoh.

Dusk groaned and suddenly realised why he'd been feeling so horrible - it hadn't been a hangover at all but The Fading!

"T-Twily…"

Twilight grimaced and jabbed a fork at the cad. "You stay away from me you heinous grabber and groper, you!"

Dusk sat up, laughed and inhaled a deep, relieved breath that was somewhat spoilt by the stench of rotting pig. He waved a dismissive hoof in her direction and said, "No, not you… My Twilight! My sister. She's here!"

Princess Moon leapt up onto her hooves and roared, "WHAAAT?!" Dusk squeaked as her magic scooped him up like a bushel of apples and she stormed out of the dining room shouting, "GUARDS! TO THE OBSERVATORY, NOW!"

With her hooves pressed over her ears Rarity wailed, "Could somepony please explain what's happening?"

With a sigh Princess Daybreaker pushed away her half eaten slice of carrot cake and muttered something in Middle Eoh.

Raven grimaced and translated, "Apparently, we're being invaded."

1 - P. Moon: Good morning, dear little sister!
2 - P. Day: Good morning, Moon.
3 - P. Day: Hello. Who are you?
4 - Dusk: Hello. My name is Dusk Shine. Nice to meet you, Princess Daybroke.

Earlier, back in the Twinverse…

There was something about a stallion in armour.

It wasn't haute couture by any stretch of the imagination but the stunning display of muscular physique and martial metal made Elusive's heart skip a beat. He tugged one last strap tight on Rainbow Blitz's crupper and patted his flank, "There. All set, sweetie."

"Don't call me sweetie."

Blitz also wasn't keen on 'honey', 'nuzzle-pie', 'daaarling' or 'munchairy'… Whatever the buck that meant. He was a STALLION not some froo-froo filly!

But when his frustrated gaze met those beautiful blue eyes and he saw Elusive's sweet smile, further protests died on his lips. Whether he liked it or not - and he sorta did - his heart had been claimed by a froo-froo stallion. He put his lips to better use than bitching, and leaned forward to lightly smootch the unicorn. Only to have his cheeks cupped in tingling magic as he was pulled into a much more passionate kiss.

Pinkie Pie's soft cry of "Awwwww" made his ears flush cherry red.

Warm wet tongue-wrestling was interrupted by Blitz' sister hip-checking him, making her matching armour crash loudly against his. "Keep in your sheath, Lover-Colt. Heh! We got work to do."

Donning full plate and chainmail was a terrible idea for a pair of pegasi who who were all about speed, not lift. But the shiny clattering plates strapped to the Rainbow Twins were foil-thin metal on balsa - designed to impress rather than protect. Costumes for mock-warriors advertising Las Pegasus casinos. That didn't stop Dash and Blitz from puffing their chests, strutting, and being even more insufferably cocksure than usual.

Princess Luna eyed the Elements of Loyalty attached to their shiny peytrals and had sixth and seventh thoughts about sending the powerful artifacts to a different universe. If the Squires didn't come back they were so, so screwed! Sol and Tia would be furious and it'd be 'to the mooooon' time all over again. Oh well, she'd grown tired of daily Court sessions and another thousand-year break might be nice.

Artemis noticed his sister's gloomy glances at the Elements and patted her shoulder. "Don't worry, it will be fine."

"Make sure we bring the HexBox and Nightmarecast this time."

He chuckled warmly and nodded, "Of course, though it won't come to that. Have some faith in our Squires."

Blitz nipped his sister's ear in revenge for breaking up his froo-froo time. She honked her outraged surprise and they blasted around the small room's ceiling as she tried to bite his tail.

Luna sighed heavily, frowned and stared at Artemis with half-lidded eyes.

He nibbled on his lower lip for a moment and quietly said, "Fair point. I'll pack our Friendship the Gathering cards and an overmillenia bag - just in case."

Oh well, there was little reason to put this off any longer…

"Squire Elusive?!"

Elusive tore his eyes away from the flying carousel ponies and trotted over to stand at attention before Prince Artemis and Princess Luna. He saluted smartly and said, "Yes, darl… Ahem. Yes, Your Highnesseses?"

His Element, a brilliant blue diamond, was pinned to a red silk cravat wrapped around his neck and tucked into the crisp collar of a slim, double-breasted jacket of blue sharkskin. Elusive had toned down his usual flamboyant style as he and his sister were to lead Equestria's negotiations with Other-Equestria. In the dusty meeting rooms that awaited he would portray the 'Bad Guard' to his sister's 'Good', and he needed to project a sober and business-like personae. Of course his sister had many more options when it came to her ensemble - something which Elusive bitterly envied. Sartorial fashion was always so dull and drab compared with what mares could get away with! Rarity wore a tight-fitting dress made of shimmering beryl samite, spangled with glittering diamonds sewn in swirling patterns. An understated tiara graced her brow while her Element rested at the base of her slender neck, as centrepiece for a silver choker. A small taste of Equestria's regal nobility.

Together they would negotiate for Dusk Shine's release and an initial treaty for contact between their two universes.

Normally, the Squires of Magic would take these roles. With them out of action, Elusive and Rarity's experience dickering over bolts of expensive fabric would have to see them through! Royal court was not world away from a raucous rialto after all.

Elusive smiled hopefully and waited for Prince Artemis' orders.

"Is everypony ready?" asked the prince.

"More-or-less." Elusive glanced up at the squabbling Rainbow twins.

Princess Luna barked, "Squires of Loyalty! Front and centre!"

In a blast of wind and feathers they landed on either side of Elusive and saluted.

Rarity sensed her cue and snapped her blush compact shut. She trotted over to join them and asked, "Has anypony seen Twilight?"

Butterscotch had been waiting for the right moment so he could politely interrupt and now was the perfect time! He had to let everypony know just how upset he was! Frustrated to tears with how much time they were wasting while poor Twilight's condition grew worse by the moment.

"Um…"

Rarity glanced at him and saw Twilight slumped over in his hooves, fast asleep. "Oh my stars and bridles! She's fallen into the Last Sleep! Rainbows! Go, go, go!"

There was a momentary scuffle while both Dash and Blitz tried to dive into the mirror at the same time.

In the Perverseverse…

Rainbow Dash's inner ears protested as she came out of the mirror. She was falling! Her wings snapped out from her sides and slowed her fall as she opened her eyes.

Blitz passed through the mirror and also fell, crashing into his sister's rainbow flagged bum as she hovered in place. Normally, he would have been turned-on by this but his helmet smashed into her crupper and made a horrible sound - like being thrown down the stairs with an entire kitchen's worth of pots and pans. They briefly tangled and then separated as Blitz's wings fwoomped open.

They were outside, having fallen through a crudely chiselled hole in the stonework ceiling above them. It was the underside of the 'cap' on a mushroom-shaped tower which was the spitting image of the Observatory back home. Though it was made of almost-black granite, instead of white marble, and decorated with silver stars and half Moons.

The Observatory in both universes was on the west edge of Canterlot, perched over a sheer cliff which dropped into a deep valley.

Back in the Twinverse…

Elusive bravely galloped towards the mirror and cried, "Allons-y, chère sœur!"

Perverseverse again…

Rainbow Dash stared at the boulder strewn valley floor, hundreds of metres below her hooves, and yelped, "We have to stop them!"

"No time!"

Elusive dropped through the mirror's shiny surface and screamed like filly as he whipped past the Rainbows.

Blitz dove after him and yelled, "Catch Rarity!"

Staring up at the mirror with wild eyes, Dash yelled back, "Who's gonna catch-"

Twinverse…

Twilight Sparkle rubbed her muzzle and whined, "Why did you kick me?"

"Saawreee! That was one HECK of a twitch-a-thrash!" Pinkie Pie panted and wiggled happily on the sweat-soaked bed sheets. "I never ever ever felt one like that before."

Twilight licked her lips and giggled, "Wow! I'll have to write Tongue Twister and praise his guide on genito-lingual technique."

"Naaah! You're not that good, Twilywily."

Pinkie leapt to her hooves, almost bouncing a crushed-looking Twilight off of the bed. "HEY! There you are!" Super-duper excited, she flails her hooves at you and yells, "Hiii, everymonkey!"

"Pinkie! What in Equestria are you-"

"Nooo, don't go! I like it when you wa-"

Ahem! In the actual Twinverse…

Prince Artemis gently scooped up Twilight's limp, grey body in his magic and carried her to the mirror. Princess Luna sighed and solemnly draped necklaces with both Elements of Magic around Twilight's neck.

Artemis nuzzled her ashen mane, murmured, "Good luck, little one", and floated her into the mirror.

Perverseverse…

A wave of light washed over Twilight.

She gasped and her eyes fluttered open. A breeze that quickly grew into a roar streamed through her short mane and she could swear she heard somepony yell her name. As she limply tumbled she saw a stone wall whipping past; Rainbow twins, Elusive, Rarity; the underside of the Observatory's dome; sky, clouds, birds; tiny trees far away, and sharp boulders rapidly approaching.

"Eep!"

Her pupils shrank to pin pricks.

A sleepy fog of half-formed dreams burned away.

Facts, figures, runes, incantations, physics formula, and anatomical trivia didn't so much dance through her head as collide in a violent mosh pit.

Shiny's Sturdy Shield? Kinetic energy from this height would easily overpower a shield's internal damping and she would be turned into pony pizza against the inner surface. Wonderous Wing Transformation? There was enough time to cast but only the skeletal structure would form before she impacted the ground… or the ground impacted her. It was relative. Relatively awful no matter how she looked at it. Even if the matrix simplification she invented on the fly (ha!) would actually speed wing development, there was no time to learn how to use them. She'd read every treaties and foal's book on the subject of pegasi flight, sending graded copies with red marks for poor grammar and punctuation to the authors, but she was painfully aware that knowledge was no substitute for experience. Fifty Grades of Hay and Venus im Peltz hadn't prepared her for the Shipping Gala, had they? Stars but her anus hurt. Gah! Not helping! Blind teleportation? The risk of materialising inside of something solid should be minimal but kinetic energy would still be lethal unless she could find - a quick calculation - a five metre deep feather bed to teleport over. She estimated an 83% chance of a successful telekinetic grapple to the tower wall whipping past, but the required tensile strength for a connecting field to stop her mass at terminal velocity would transfer a load via her horn that would be more than sufficient to internally decapitate. Boosting the connecting field's elastic coefficient to avoid that would give her 0.34 seconds of modest deceleration before losing the grapple. Not enough to decrease velocity for a survivable impact with the (BUCK ME!) rapidly approaching terrain! Multiple, sequential grapples with an exponentially decreasing success rate per attempt was better than nothing and might buy her time to come up with a better solution. Her horn lit as she cast the first grapple. A relatively simple spell it left her free to hyperventilate, ready the next grapple, consider other spells, calculate forces, velocities, and estimates of injury severity.

Twilight was completely silent as she dropped away from her fellow Squires.

Blitz struggled to hold onto Elusive as the terrified unicorn squealed and thrashed. Teeth clenched, eyes watering, he helplessly watched Twilight's death plunge.

Rainbow Dash was just as tangled up with Rarity, but when it came to daring rescues Dash had one big advantage over her brother: she wasn't in love with the mare shrieking into her ear.

"Back in a sec!" she yelled and threw Rarity upward as hard as she could.

Wings clawing at the air, Dash dove after Twilight, hooves stretched out forward and aft, and tail whipping behind her like feathers on an arrow.

Twinverse… I hope.

Prince Artemis swallowed the lump in his throat and turned away from the mirror to address the remaining Squires. "Ahem. Please claim your Elements from the armoury box-" he gestured at the iron-bound chest "-for in case we do not receive good news within the hour."

The remaining Squires slowly walked to the war-chest - the pink ones bounced, but they bounced solemnly. The mood of reluctant but determined preparation was shattered by Rarity's despairing wail as her head and flailing fore legs briefly popped through the mirror and were dragged beneath its surface again.

Squires and Sovereigns gaped in shocked silence at the mirror.

…

"Erm… Whut do we do if we gits bad news?"

Perverseverse…

Three moonfoals stood around the mirror, their fuzzy ear tips twitching at muffled yells and screams from beneath their hooves. Scattered playing cards, half-eaten bags of mango-crisps, and an empty hip-flask littered the floor.

Eeeiiie*ee (Red Fangs) glanced at his subordinates; Ee-ee-eee (Patter of Blood Dripping) and *iie*eee (Really Spooky).

He coughed and chirped, "It's your turn, Private Dripping."

The yells and shrieks of terror had faded to silence, but somepony had to go report this to the Sergeant.

"Yeah!" Spooky nodded enthusiastically and squeaked, "I reported the diggy-diggy sound, it's your turn, Drippy."

Dripping squealed and clicked a stream of Moonfoalese curses as she gathered her discarded helmet, spear, and silver moonshine-flask. "Fine! I'll go. But you guys'd better clean this place up in case he wants to see for himself."

"You heard her, Private Spooky. See to it."

Dripping's hooves clip-clopped on the Observatory's floor as she reluctantly ambled to the tower's stairs down. Her ears twitched at a distant thunder of stomping hooves and she stopped to cupped a bat-like wing over an ear. Princess Moon's shouts echoed weirdly up the spiral stairs.

Dripping's eye twitched and she whirled to gallop back to the storage closet.

Bursting in she breathlessly squeaked, "She's coming!"

Red Fangs and Really Spooky gasped! There was no need to ask who 'She' was!

All three of them scrambled to clean the mess, tossing it behind crates filled with random stargazing crap. They grabbed their helmets, spears, and foam ear plugs, and lined up in more-or-less parade stance. Princess Moon stormed into the room with Dusk Shine in tow, and they bowed, touching twitching snoots to cold stone.

Princess Moon posed dramatically, dominating the room with her huge black body and flailing blue mane of stars. She cut loose with a laugh that she had spent centuries carefully crafting to strike fear into her enemies giblets.

"BWAAAAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAA! GUARDS! SEIZE THE-"

She stopped, frowned, and glared at the mirror and its annoying absence of invaders to thrash.

It was exactly as she had left it: face-down and pinned by several telescopes. No heavily armed and armoured ponies spoiling for a fight - just three of her beloved moonfoals. She stalked over to them as the twenty-or-so palace guards she had collected along the way noisily filed into the room behind her. Her cute little descendants sat up and perkily saluted with their fetching leathery wings.

She caught the heady scent of moonshine on their breath and her mouth stretched in an approving grin. "Report!"

"We heard screams coming from the mirror", squeaked Lieutenant Fangs.

"Screams?"

"Yes, Your Dark Majesty!"

She cocked an ear to listen but there was just confused mutterings from the guards and whining from the useless lump as he struggled to escape her magical clutches.

Foal!

She could feel his writhing and wriggling; the impact of his hooves as he bucked and punched; a slight tingle as his weak telekinesis probed her own mighty grip on his fear-soaked and sweaty body. It was sad. It was pathetic. It was starting to make her nethers moist… Yesss… Struggle little stallion as I squeeze you inside of my-

Everypony was staring at her.

"Ahem!" She set her sexy wool-gathering aide for later and stomped over to the mirror.

With a casual flick she threw the heavy, brass telescopes across the room where they made a delightful crash of metal and shattering glass. She flipped the mirror upright and set to one side, revealing a large hole in the floor. The dim and dusty storage room was flooded with dawn's first light and gusts of cool air.

"Oh. My. Stars… This is just delicious", Princess Moon cooed. She spread her wings as she leaned over the hole and gazed down into the rocky valley far below. She floated Dusk Shine closer until his sweaty cheek was mashed up against her own and she forced him to look at the beautiful vista.

"Witness the splattery fate of your would-be rescuers, little lump. Isn't it delightful?"

She was just starting to get a good cackle going when an orange earth pony with a blond mane, wearing full plate armour, came charging through the mirror and crashed into her side.

"Fer Equestri- Oof!"

The little mare bounced off of course, but caught by surprise, Princess Moon staggered. Before she could recover a much larger orange-with-blond-mane stallion in armour slammed into her, and they sprawled across the floor.

Princess Moon's magic flickered out, dropping Dusk toward the hole and a long fall to the valley below!

Pinkie Pie and Bubble Berry burst through the mirror in a blinding explosion of colourful confetti, balloons and streamers. Dusk scrambled away from certain death as the pink ponies leapt on top of Princess Moon and began smacking her head and rump with bright red squeaky-hammer toys.

Butterscotch and Fluttershy flew out of the mirror - not actually flying but clutching onto one another with their eyes tightly screwed shut - they shrieked pitifully as they crashed down on top of Princess Moon.

Confused guards and moonfoals stared as the confetti settled and their Princess of Shadows, their Mother of the Night, their Midnight Terror, lay sprawled on the floor and took it like a bitch.

"ENOUGH!" she screamed and surged back to her hooves, hurling most of the Squires off - Pinkie and Bubble hung on and kept smacking her with squeaky toys.

"DUNGEON!" she thundered!

After a moment of confusion over who was going to the dungeon, themselves or the invaders, the moonfoals and House Guard surged forward with blood curdling yells and adorable high-pitched chirps of rage.

Author's Note

I loath footnotes in novels, but hopefully I've used them appropriately and they're not too distracting. (Please don't misunderstand: I do love Mr Pratchett's epic stories and Changeling Space Program, but my gods the never-ending stream of footnotes is almost physically painful for me. )

Please PM me if you spot any typos or if you're actually literate in Middle English (rather than just looking phrases up online, like me) and spot a problem with my 'Middle Eoh' dialog.

Various fixes courtesy of Cross Lament.