The clutter of student's telescopes, tall mirrors, book shelves, orreries, and other obscure arcane devices were pushed against the wall. Castle staff had lugged a large mattress up the stairs, laid it on the floor, and several Squires were busy dressing it with bed sheets and a comforter. Rarity and Elusive ever-so-politely bossed the other ponies around to bring their vision of a stylish and comfortable love-nest to life. The results were barely more than a dirty mattress in an alley, which only had limited appeal if you squinted and were in a particularly dirty frame of mind, but it would have to suffice. At least the lighting was suitably subdued since there were no windows and only a few dim golden-hue magelights mounted on the stone walls.

The Apple and Rainbow twins stood off to one side, quietly chatting and getting snuggly while they waited. Princesses Luna and Umbra tinkered with Starswirl's mirror, modifying its enchantments to make constant high-frequency scans of the Multiverse.

Dusk skidded to a stop in the middle of the room and shouted, "Wait! Don't start yet!" He waved his hooves frantically to get everypony's attention.

A half-dozen pillows fell out of the air and smothered Elusive as Twilight trotted over to her brother and forgot to keep her magic grip on them. "What?! What's wrong?"

Dusk gasped, "There's… There's a problem and I-" He noticed the snuggly group of ponies staring at him and said, "Oh! Hey… Apples and Rainbows. That'll be an ideal test." He hopped up and trotted over to them with a curious Twilight at his heels.

"But I'm afraid you two-" he pointed at Rainbow Blitz and stallion Applejack "-can't be part of it."

Blitz sat back from where he'd been nuzzling mare Applejack's muscular neck and loudly whined, "Awww, come on! Seriously?!"

Dusk closed his eyes and held up his hooves to forestall everypony's complaints. "Hold on, everypony. Give me a chance to explain, please?"

After a few moments the Rainbows and Apples settled down, though Applejack blew a rude, wet sound that made her lips flap.

Once he had their attention, Dusk said, "Alright, I noticed some strange things about the data we have for the Core universes. So I took some readings off of the local universes that we've actually visited through the mirrors and I was able to determine what some of it means relative to a universe's composition."

Seeing that Rainbow Dash was starting to nod off he decided to summarise rather than explain the process of teasing knowledge from differential comparisons of complex data sets. "It turns out that in the Core universes there are no male Squires. Blitz, Applejack, Elusive, Butterscotch and I don't exist in them!"

There was stunned silence for a few moments before Twilight said, "That's… really weird. Are you sure?"

Dusk nodded and said, "I've checked my figures several times. You remember that one universe we went to that only had male Squires? They called themselves the 'Members of Harmony'?" Twilight nodded and he continued, "I was able to compare its dimensional readings to the Core universes and our own. There's little margin of error. We-" he gestured at himself and the other two stallions "-don't exist in The Core."

"Oh my gosh! They all died?"

Dusk shook his head and said, "No, Dash. I don't think we ever existed there."

Applejack had a squinty, thoughtful look as she asked, "So… how do they make foals if'n they ain't got no stallions?"

"Oh, they have stallions. I detected Prince Sombra's signature and also Shining Armour, but not their twin sisters." He tapped a hoof on his chin and thought for a moment. "Maybe that's it? No twins?"

"No twins? How in Equestria do they get hiched and raise foals?"

Dusk shrugged and said, "I don't know, AJ. Maybe their typical family units are a stallion, a mare, and their offspring?"

Applejack stuck her tongue out. "Eugh! That's disgustin'!"

Everypony stood quietly for a few moments as it sank in: Living without the constant companionship and reassurance of your twin by your side. Having only two parents. Dating and marrying a single pony. Raising a family with only one spouse to help. Solo sex.

In a rare display of empathy Blitz muttered, "Those poor lonely ponies." Rainbow Dash wrapped a foreleg around his shoulders and gave him a comforting squeeze.

Twilight sighed and said, "I'm afraid my brother is right. Under these conditions we can't risk having Blitz and Applejack participating in the test."

"Wut the hay?!" Applejack yelled, "Ah ain't foolin' 'round with just Rainbow Dash!" She waved a hoof at her and said, "Don' get me wrong, Dashie. Yer a right tasty mare an' one of mah best friends. But it ain't natural fer a pony to be rollin' in the hay without their other half now is it?" She shuffled her rump across the floor and wrapped her forelegs around Applejack in a possessive hug.

Blitz nodded his head vigorously and pointed a hoof at Applejack. "What she said goes double for me! I mean, I'm all for kinky stuff, but 'blegh'. Gross! You wouldn't do somepony without their twin and Dusk in on the fun, right?"

Twilight shuddered at the thought and leaned her shoulder against Dusk's comforting warmth. He wrapped a foreleg around her shoulders and squeezed. Dusk didn't have any experience with anything more involved than what Blitz might have termed 'first base', which of course meant that Twilight didn't either. Despite that, he could sympathise with how the Rainbow and Apple twins must be feeling about this news. But what could they do? Risk destroying their universe? It was a conundrum.

Twilight rubbed her forehead and asked, "Uhm… I don't suppose you boys could just hang out in the room during the experiment and not, you know, get involved?"

Blitz barked a laugh and jabbed a hoof at Applejack. "He might be able to hold back, but me? Not buckin' likely."

Rarity came trotting over, all smiles and delicate beauty.

"We're reaaaadyyy…" she announced in a sing-song voice.

"Do please try not to make too much of a mess, it took us ever so long to-" Sensing the tense situation she halted and said, "Oh dear. Something is dreadfully wrong, isn't it?"

Dusk dolefully explained the problem and much to everypony's surprise, Rarity collapsed to the floor laughing and kicking her painted hooves in a most unbecoming manner. This caught Elusive's attention and he came galloping over to find out why his sister was acting so uncouth.

Once again Dusk had to go through explaining the situation. He found himself wishing that he'd brought the matter up with everypony around the Observatory table so he could have saved having to repeat himself. At least it was good public-speaking practice and gave Rarity time to recover from whatever silliness she'd been overcome with.

After elegantly rising to her hooves and dusting herself off, Rarity dragged her brother aside and they had a whispered conversation. Seeing the white unicorns leering over their shoulders at the Apple and Rainbow twins was kind of unnerving.

Rarity cleared her throat and said, "We have a solution for your little dilemma. Just wait right there and we'll fetch it from the Canterlot Carousel."

"Really? What-", Dusk started to ask but they cantered out the door, giggling like drunk schoolfillies.

Applejack looked at Applejack and asked, "Is you worried too?"

"Eeeeyup!"

"Gedit-off! Gedit-offa-me!"

Rarity shielded her eyes from Rainbow Blitz's flailing plumage. She tried (and failed) to keep the amusement out of her voice. "But it suits you, darling! Don't you think he looks simply marvellous, dear brother?"

A blushing Elusive coughed behind a polite hoof and nodded. "Oh y-yes… Like it was tailored for him. I believe the phrase 'bird in a gilded cage' would aptly describe our dear Rainbow Blitz right now, oui?"

Rarity tittered and said, "Come now, Blitz. Don't keep everypony waiting - it's time for your big debut!"

"I'm not going out there! Get. This. Thing. Offa. Me!"

"Oh, Blitz. You're being a silly-billy", cooed Rarity as she trotted around the furious stallion. "Why can't you be more like Applejack about this? He's such a stallion's stallion and took it with a certain je ne sais quoi, non?"

Squinting his eyes at her Blitz grouched, "If that's fancy-speak for 'pissed off' then, sure. He only said 'Eeenope' about a dozen times before you and AJ muzzled him."

Blitz sat up and struggled to shove the bejewelled belt down his hips but Elusive had cinched it very tight. While he was distracted Rarity slipped in under his flared wings and clipped a leash onto the collar around his neck. Despite being stronger than either of them, two against one was a losing battle for the pegasus as he was dragged and pushed out of the curtained off 'changing room'.

"Ta-dahhhh…" Rarity waved her hooves in a flourish as she presented the reluctant Blitz to the Apple twins and his sister, who were laying together on the mattress.

"Oh my gosh!" Rainbow Dash hopped up from the makeshift bed and stalked around her brother, checking out the straps and shiny gold cage he was wearing. "Bro! You… You look like a total dweeb! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" She fell over laughing and hiccoughing while Blitz wrapped his wings around his furiously blushing face.

Applejack scooted to the edge of the bed to have herself a look-see. His get-up was a lot fancier than her brother's abstinence tack of brown faux-leather with brass buckles and jingling brasses. Blitz's was a web of bejewelled, shiny red straps with a frilly fringe. A golden cage wrapped around his balls and sheath, and there looked to be just enough 'expansion' room that it wouldn't hurt… much… but it would certainly keep him under control.

Applejack nodded and said, "Yup! That'll do 'er." She smirked and shook her head. "Heck, that'll keep him from doin' 'er. Heh."

Rarity tittered and unclipped the leash from Blitz's collar. She waved and trotted for the door, "Well then, we'll get out of your manes. Bonne chance!"

Before leaving, Elusive leaned close and whispered into Rainbow Blitz's ear, "Now be a good boy and maybe you'll 'get into my pants' later, mmm?"

Chewing on his lower lip, Blitz's eyes were glued to Elusive's rump as he sashayed out the door and shut it with a flare of magic as his hiked-up tail wiggled out of sight.

With a frustrated hiss Rainbow Blitz turned away and reluctantly settled onto the bed.

"Come on, Dash!" called Applejack, "Git yer tail on over here an' let's get this here show on the road. Don't ferget - first one t'finish buys a round Friday night."

After the a couple of loud moans managed to seep through the door, Princess Celestia cast a silencing spell and the Observatory's occupants were spared any further accidental écouterism.

Princess Luna and Prince Artemis kept a close watch on the Multiverse map's spells. Twilight and Dusk took turns checking on a measuring stick clamped into a retort stand next to the map to help them plot any movement of the mote that represented their universe. Everypony else was left to their own devices to find ways to fill in the time.

But there was little to actually do in a shuttered stellar Observatory in the day time.

Nothing further to discuss about their peril or Twilight and Dusk's strategy for saving them.

Prince Solaris and Princess Celestia quietly sipped tea and nibbled slice-after-slice of cake - the only indication of their nervousness. Celestia was winning; 15 to 8.

Princess Cadence and Prince Tempo practised ballroom dancing, standing on their hind legs, forelegs wrapped around each other's barrels as they swayed and spun to music provided by Pinkie Pie and Bubble Berry. It wasn't particularly good music, but their enthusiasm more than made up for the odd assortment of plastic novelty instruments.

Rarity and Elusive played chess and sipped demitasse after demitasse of tea… but no cake as they were watching their figures.

Fluttershy brushed Butterscotch's mane and they quietly talked, sharing worries about how their many, many animals friends must be upset after being left alone for so, so long. There really wasn't that much to worry about as they'd arranged for the Cutie Mark Crusaders to pet-sit for them and surely six very capable foals-

Butterscotch whimpered. Maybe they did have good reason to worry!

Nopony had seen the Sovereigns of Laughter since the last snack break. Which was a much more sensible thing to worry about! Even reformed, they shouldn't be left unattended for long stretches of time - or short ones for that matter.

Dusk peered at the measuring stick and thought he saw a twitch. He held his breath, as though merely exhaling on the map might cause its little sparks to scatter.

"It moved!" he cried when the pinpoint of light accelerated swiftly down towards the table. The motion had mostly stopped by the time Twilight leaped off her cushion and pressed her cheek up against his to see for herself.

She laughed in relief and announced, "It's an acceptable vector too. It's working, everypony!"

There was a surge of celebration around the Observatory - cheers, hoof stomps and the low booms of a pair of party canons being fired. Tinsel, glitter, streamers and little foil wrapped chocolate bits showered the room. Fortunately, Dusk Shine anticipated this and threw a shield spell over the Multiverse map.

Once everypony had settled down a little and confetti had been fished out of tea cups, most eyes turned to watch the door to the storage room. Waiting for Apples and Rainbows to come out to join in the celebration.

They waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Until Rarity coughed, trotted over to the door and lightly rapped on it and called out, "Helloooo? Are you decent in there?"

Princess Celestia cleared her throat and said, "Oh. I am sorry Squire Rarity but I forgot about the silence spell. Just a moment."

The spell dropped and the Observatory was treated to the sound of Applejack's voice crying out in a loud, throaty yell. After a few seconds of mare-in-throes-of-bliss, Celestia slapped the spell back in place.

Pinkie Pie burst out laughing and shouted, "Sounds like Dashie wanted a second helping of apple pie!" She and Bubble Berry collapsed on the floor and rolled around, snorting and giggling.

Rarity backed away from the door, her eyes wide in shock. "Umm… P-perhaps we should give them a little more time, yes?"

Twilight poked her brother, nodded at the measuring stick and asked, "Are we still moving?"

He checked and shook his head. "No. It seems that a dramatic shift in relationship equates to a singular transition in the Ship dimension. That's a bit disappointing but matches our theory's projections." He grinned, gleefully rubbed his hooves together and said, "Now that we have a sample measurement we can guesstimate how much relationshipping is required to reach the Core. Let's hit the abacuses!"

Twilight snorted indignantly as they settled down with paper, ink and the aforementioned tools of calculation.

"Abaci."

"Abacuses!" Dusk grinned impishly and shook his box of rods and beads at his sister.

"Abaci!"

A half hour of good-natured arguing and calculation later and Twilight Sparkle stood on the table, preparing to lecture the Sovereigns and Squires again.

At least those who were present - the Rainbows and Apples hadn't emerged from the storage room and the Sovereigns of Laughter were still AWOL. The other Squires waited patiently for her to speak and she felt a little queasy thinking of her friends as 'tools'. That was essentially what the Squires had to be (herself included - a terrifying thought quickly squashed) if they were going to save their universe.

Princess Celestia smiled at Twilight and rapped her golden-gavel shod hoof on the table to call everypony to attention.

"Okay." Twilight smiled, gestured at the Multiverse map and said, "It's working! We've moved a little in the Ship dimension and according to our calculations we have enough Ship potential in the room to reach the Core universes."

Twilight patiently waited for the honking of party favours, cheers, politely stomped hooves and a couple of quiet 'yays' to die down.

Thank harmony the on-hoof supply of pink pony party projectiles had been used up already.

"Once our current experiment finishes-" Twilight waved a hoof at the still-closed storage room door. "-we'll run another one. Take another measurement to confirm our calculations and, basically, just keep going until we're safe." She inhaled, held it a moment. "So… So that means we need to figure out who goes next. Umm… Dusk and I have considered a few scenarios and it looks like our next most potent relationship is Rainbow Dash and, well, it's Fluttershy."

With a shrill "Eep", Fluttershy dove under one of Princess Cadence's large wings and did her best impression of a teeny-tiny mouse that nopony should be able to find. Had she fled the room to hide she might have gotten away with it, having mastered the art of not being noticed from her little rodent friends.

While Princess Cadence and Butterscotch tried to coax Fluttershy out, Rarity waved a copy of the relationshipping chart and pointed out, "Twilight, darling. I can't help but notice that there are six of these relationshipping lines connecting yourself to dear Rainbow Dash, but only five for Fluttershy."

Rarity's raised eyebrow reminded Twilight far too much of a displeased school marm taking a student to task for an incorrect answer.

"Umm… Y-yes, that is true. B-but I have to be out here to, you know, take measurements and do the math and… and stuff." Twilight turned to beg her brother to back her up. "That's right, isn't it Dusk? We have to do the math stuff, right?"

"Technically, anypony could note the-"

Twilight whisper-hissed, "You want to wear that chastity belt next?!"

Dusk's eyes went wide as he sat up and declared, "No! I-I mean, yes! Yes, that's right, Twilight, my dear thoughtful sister. We do have to be out here keeping an eye on things. Yep! Many numbers to math."

"Great! Then it's settled", Twilight said as she turned around to address everypony in the Observatory. "Next up is Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy!"

There was another quiet "Eep" as Fluttershy dove under Princess Cadence's other wing. Butterscotch and Cadence gave Twilight a dirty look and re-started trying to winkle Fluttershy out of her new hiding place.

Twilight bobbed her head sheepishly and whispered, "Sorry." She blamed it on too many 'lessons' in theatrics from Princess Trixie.

Dusk's quill made a satisfied scratch as he checked 'Celebrate 1st Experiment Success' off his checklist and scratched a line through 'Commiserate 1st Experiment Failure'. The next task was 'Extract Subjects from Test Chamber'. Taking a page from Princess Celestia's own playbook (Volume IV) he decided that this was a task best delegated.

"Rarity, Elusive. Could you check on the Rainbows and Apples."

Rarity frowned. "Why us?"

"Umm…" Generosity? Grace? Tact? "Tact?"

She sighed and got up. "Oh, very well."

"I would have also accepted 'Because we know how to make a entrance'." Elusive winked as he pranced to the door.

Princess Celestia dropped the silence spell and much to everypony's relief things had quieted down.

Rarity knocked and waited for a moment, to be polite and to cast Dame Lovelace's Sultry Scent Dissipater, before she barged on in. She found Dash and Applejack both passed out after a long hard shag while Blitz was desperately trying to teach Applejack how to use a manepin to unlock his chastity belt.

"Dibs! Me first!" Blitz yelped while pushing Applejack out of the way. "This blue pony's gotta set of blue balls that you wouldn't-"

Rarity cocked an unimpressed eyebrow and stepped around him to assist Applejack out of his harness.

Blitz snorted angrily. "Hey! I called dibs!"

Ducking past Blitz' thrashing rainbow tail, Elusive bumped shoulders and murmured, "Now, now. Good things come to ponies who are patient."

"Yeah, yeah. Patient schmashiant. Get this thing offa me already!"

"Open your mouth."

Blitz grimaced. "Whaaa- GLURK!"

Quick as a mongoose, Elusive did up the locking buckle which secured the ball gag he'd stuffed into Blitz' muzzle.

Rarity clucked her tongue. "Darling, is that really necessary?"

"Mmmmf! Mmm mm mmmmf mmmmmmmmmm!"

Elusive ducked away from thrashing feathers. "Do you want to endure the whining when he finds out he'll be standing by during the next experiment too?"

"Wuuuf?! Ffff mmmf!" Blitz made a break for the door, but pulled up short as it was completely filled with a looming wall of dark blue prince.

"Ah, just the pony I wanted to see." Prince Artemis pushed into the room, catching a struggling Blitz with one of his tremendous wings. "I have a few words of advice before you must face this trial. Techniques I invented and honed during my long time-out upon the Moon with only my sister for companionship."

"Mmf mmmmmm!"

"You have my sympathies. Now attend my words and you may survive mostly intact."

Tempo dragged him off to a corner while a sweaty and satisfied Applejack led her brother, who was walking funny, away to showers in the servant's wing of the palace.

"Make it quick", Twilight called after them. "We might need you for more relationshipping!"

Elusive's horn flashed as he cast a quick cleansing spell on the chastity harness they'd taken off of Applejack. With a few adjustments he expertly resized it to fit Butterscotch.

He complained, "Ew… It's still warm", as they strapped him in.

Fluttershy's panted, "I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this." She stalled, as if it were the edge of a cliff at her hooves rather than the threshold of a storage room.

Rainbow Dash trotted over and nuzzled her cheek. "Relax, babe. I'll have you screaming in ten seconds flat!"

"I can't do this! I can't do this!" Fluttershy's hooves scraped on the floor as she scrambled back.

Prince Tempo sighed and called out, "I got this one."

One quick 'zap' later and Fluttershy grabbed Rainbow Dash and hauled her towards the bed. Everypony evacuated the room and Butterscotch sighed heavily, gave them a last mournful look, and shut the door.

Bubble Berry nudged Prince Tempo and chirped, "I guess that makes you a de-can't-er."

Tempo groaned. "Squire Bubble, that was a stinker."

"Whaaaat? You certainly de-can't-ed Fluttershy's whining! Ah! Ah! Geddit? Wine-ing!"

Celestia briefly considered casting her silencing spell on something other than the storage room.

Despite Rainbow Dash's boasting it was approximately 8 minutes and 45 seconds before Dusk and Twilight saw any dramatic acceleration in the Ship vector.

While they were waiting, the Sovereigns of Magic excused themselves and vanished in a tacky explosion of purple smoke. With things apparently taken care of, they left on more important business: to rejoin their court who were camped outside the walls of Griffonstone. One of many stops on their grand tour of Equestria's 'allies'. It was important to remind violence-prone neighbours that there would be consequences if their squabbles spilled over the border. A Great and Powerful 'circus' displaying Equestria's overwhelming horn-headed artillery usually calmed any hot heads.

Twilight sighed with relief after the Bloated and Annoying Trixie left and settled down with Dusk to go over their calculations. Her contentment didn't last for very long. She frowned and circled the results of a long and convoluted calculation, and slid the page in front of Dusk.

"Ohhh papercuts." It was one of the worst curses that she'd ever heard Dusk Shine use, trotted out only for especially terrible occasions.

"What do you think's causing it?" she asked as he hopped onto the table. She followed him and they peered at the Multiverse map, noses almost touching the glowing motes.

"I think, ummm…" He jabbed a hoof at the lights which hung near their own and asked, "Did you notice if these ones have moved as well? Maybe we're dragging them along?"

Princess Luna loomed over their shoulders and said, "Yes. I saw them move during the most recent… 'event'. Is this important?"

Twilight groaned. "We didn't account for pulling any other universes along with us. I guess it makes sense since we're all kind of connected."

Luna's horn glowed for a moment and a scattering of red motes appeared on the map, filling in an empty area on the limb sticking out of the main body of the Multiverse. "You may also wish to know that the loss of universes has spread rapidly since we began. I estimate we have perhaps half a day before it reaches us."

She stepped back and gestured to her brother. "Come, Artemis. We must raise the Moon… and hope there will be need to lower it come the dawn."

As Twilight watched them go, joined by Princess Celestia and Prince Solaris, her vision went all watery. She wiped at her eyes, sniffled, and leaned against Dusk's warm side, seeking a little comfort in her brother's presence. Dusk draped a leg over her shoulders and gave her a squeeze while he studied the map.

The Observatory dome echoed with cheerful and enthusiastic music. Pinkie Pie and Bubble Berry each had three instruments going at once, including cheap, plastic party favours, but the resulting music was eerily beautiful. For certain measures of beauty. Princess Cadence danced with Elusive held in her forelegs, while Rarity dipped and trotted with Prince Tempo. That is until she spotted Dusk and Twilight huddled together on top of the table and looking quite miserable.

"While this dance is simply divine, my Prince, will you excuse me for a moment?" Rarity stepped away and dropped to all fours.

Prince Tempo bowed graciously and moving with quick, fluid grace he stole Elusive away from his sister and whirled the startled stallion away in a quickstep tango.

Rarity trotted around the large, circular table and taking note of their sad expressions she decided to set propriety aside and hopped up onto the table so she could engage Dusk and Twilight in conversation.

"Dahhhrlings, you look as if somepony told you that Spike and Barb have mange… again."

Dusk sighed and nodded. "Hi, Rarity. Yes, well, it looks like we're boned."

Cocking her head to one side Rarity asked, "'Boned'?"

Twilight wiped a her eyes and made a quivering half smile. "Yep, we're hosed."

"'Hosed' and 'boned'? I take it you're not referring to what you expect to happen when it's your turn in the closet?"

Dusk snorted a laugh and shook his head. "No. It's-" he gestured at the map "-we're not going to make it. There isn't enough 'ship' potential after all. We made some assumptions and didn't take into account the congruent vectors of-"

"Tut tut tut! Please, I'm just a simple fashionista extraordinaire! There's no need to delve into the esoteric details. Not enough 'ship' potential? Not enough relationships? Hmm…?"

Rarity gazed at the Multiverse map and said, "Do you remember the gorgeous dress I made for Miss Cheerilee when she and Jauntilee almost married the middle Apples? What am I saying?! Of course you remember!"

Twilight groaned, "Rarity. If you have an idea can you just, I don't know, tell us without a dress-making allegory?"

"Miss Twilight Sparkle! You made us sit through your lectures about 'Multiverse this' and 'relationshipping that'. The least you can do is indulge me a brief story about my passion and I promise, promise, promise you that it will help. Probably."

"Fiiine."

"Ahem. As I was saying - do you recall Cheerilee's dress? The pink taffeta and organdy number with spinel and topaz accents? Oh, it was just heavenly if I may say so myself! Well, we had just finished the first fitting and I was cutting out the fabric for the real dress when I discovered that somepony had made off with all my organdy. I later discovered that Sweetie and Silver had used it to make parachutes." Rarity chuckled and shook her head at the memory. She'd been furious at the time but now the utter silliness of her younger siblings trying to use parts of a wedding dress to leap off of tall trees and into mud puddles was actually rather charming.

"So there I was, with nary a hope in Tartarus of finishing the dress in time. Elusive and I searched high and low through Ponyville but of course nopony sells amaranth pink organdy in our quaint rural village and there was no time to import more. Well, I was galloping past the cheese makers on the south side of town when I was struck with inspiration!

"I purchased several yards of used cheesecloth, cast some remarkable spells of my own invention upon it and created 'lactorgandy'! Oh, how it shimmered! I've been doing a brisk trade with fine fabric stores across Equestria ever since." Rarity breathed on one of her perfectly manicured hooves and polished it against her chest fur.

Twilight umm'd, "Umm… That's an… interesting… story, I guess. But unless you can turn cheesecloth into Ship potential I don't see how-"

Rolling her eyes in a dramatic fashion Rarity said, "You need more 'cloth' to save our universe, and we have plenty of perfectly serviceable 'fabric' right here." With her freshly polished hoof she reached past Twilight to boop Dusk Shine on the end of his snoot.

"B-but that could skew the vector in unpredictable ways!" Dusk spluttered.

"Perhaps, but would you rather our universe be skewed or skewered?"

Dusk nodded and said, "I- I guess it's worth setting up a new experiment, Twily. Worst case scenario is that we die trying."

"It's settled then." Rarity held hooves up to her muzzle and called, "Elusive! It's our turn, cher frère!"

"Wait. What?" Twilight's ears flopped about in confusion.

Dusk Shine nodded and said, "It makes sense. There's just us and Pinkie and Bubble to go, and if we do it this way we can get measurements from a lower-potential relationship and can calculate how much skew we'll end up with."

A slightly out of breath and sweaty Elusive trotted over and asked, "Do I have time for a quick toilette before we begin?"

The storage room door opening and a very satisfied Fluttershy swaggering out was answer enough. The yellow pegasus floated across the room with a big smile on the matted fur of her face.

Rainbow Dash stumbled out and leaned against the doorframe with her tongue hanging out, she was sweaty and trembling with exhaustion.

"Eluuuusiiiive! Get your ass in here!", Blitz yelled from inside the room. "I'm tired of being a good boy!" It sounded like he was close to tears, if not actually crying already.

Rarity giggled and gave her brother a playful shove, "I think that's your cue."

He gestured at Butterscotch as he stiffly hobbled out of the storage room and asked, "Don't we need the-"

"Oh no, cher frère. We're throwing caution to the wind. Go on, you know you've always wanted to."

"Eluuusiiiiive!" Rainbow Blitz's voice was thick with desperate need.

With a sheepish grin and an all-body-blush Elusive ducked inside while Rarity tried to tug Rainbow Dash back into the room.

"Noooo! Wawity! Ah need a bweak!" Dash scrabbled to hang onto the door frame, "Ah can'd feel mah tongue!"

Rarity giggled and said, "That's quite alright. You just lay back and let me take care of you for a while, hmmm? Let me pamper you, darling."

Dash squinted suspiciously at Rarity. "No! No diaperth."

Rarity tittered as she shut the door.

Their celestial Sovereigns returned from playing volleyball with the Sun and Moon, and behind them came freshly-scrubbed Apples.

"How do?" Applejack asked, her muzzle still graced with a satisfied smirk. She rubbed her mane with a damp towel and asked, "Equestria's Number One slut still hard at it with Rares?"

"And Elusive and Blitz."

Twilight explained the latest developments, leaving out Rarity's 'inspirational' cheesecloth speech.

"Well ah'll be. Should'a held off clearin' yer pipes in the shower there, bro."

Applejack shook his heavy head, flinging water droplets from his shaggy mane. He gingerly sat beside Prince Solaris and slumped down to rest his chin on the table.

"Ahhhhhhh…" he sighed in blessed relief.

Dusk's ears twitched at his sister's irritated grunt.

"Something wrong?" he innocently asked as she quickly shoved away the Relationshipping Chart - with a mere two lines linking their cutie mark to three apples at the bottom.

"Eeeh… nope! Aha ha. Aha ha ha ha haaa…"

Dusk opened his muzzle to say something snarky or supportive, he wasn't sure which, but was interrupted by Pinkie and Bubble blowing a loud rendition of The Royal Entrance Fanfare - with kazoos. They stood at attention to either side of the stair entrance as Discord and Eris proudly strode up into the Observatory, arm in arm. Behind them scurried an invasion force of pint-sized Discords and Erises (or Erisii if you like), with a smattering of bewildered ponies wearing white aprons and poofy white caps mixed in. They carried platters and baskets, tureens and ice-filled buckets, loaded with a feast the likes of which Canterlot had never seen before!

Quite literally.

They crested and broke like a wave over the petrified Squires and Sovereigns, swarming around the table to spread a patchwork of table cloths. Plates, glasses, cups, and cutlery were rapidly deployed and all the little Discords and Erises grinned as they stood at attention, paws and claws grasping handles atop silver domes covering the serving dishes placed around the table.

"Soup's on!" Eris cried in her raspy contralto while Discord enthusiastically rang an obtuse triangle.

Little draconequses hefted up silver domes and promptly exploded, sending a cascade of clanging metal into the hollow centre of the doughnut-shaped table.

It was breath taking!

Or, rather, Dusk held his breath in case it stank as horrific as it looked.

Directly in front of him lay a gigantic serving bowl heaped with what might be dark purple spaghetti - except the fat danger-noodles slithered around one another in a serpentine fashion. He barely held a filly-ish scream behind clenched teeth. Green and brown muck slathered on the 'noodles' steamed as bog-like bubbles rose to its oily surface and popped with petite farting sounds.

Eris' paw and clawed hand grasped his shoulders and her warm, furry chest pressed against his back. "Ooo… Ssso much tenssssion", she hissed in his ear. "Relaaax, Dusky Doo. I ssswear it'sss all vegetarian and won't bite."

He flinched away from her ticklish forked tongue and gasped for air.

"Hahhh… Hahhh… Oh! Hahh… T-that… That actually smells really good." Scents of asparagus, tomato, squash, mushroom, and a mish-mash of unidentifiable savoury vegetation fought a pitched battle in his eagerly snuffling nose. Citrus, herbs, and spices performed a pincer movement and soundly thrashed his olfactory epithelium with a wave of drool-inducing delight.

"Sssee!" She giggled and patted his head. "Dig in!"

Dusk eyed a tureen of mashed potatoes and gravy which eyed him right back. "You promise? There's no hidden surprises?"

She cackled and floated over his head. "Don't be ssstupid! Of course there's surprises! But nothing that would hurt any precious widdle pony. We may seem a touch mad to you dull harmonious creatures, but if any of you are unable to, ahem, perform, it'll be my pert little tushy on the line too."

She waggled said mis-matched rump cheeks in his face before sailing across the table to pounce on Pinkie Pie, who was happily stuffing frosted pupcakes into her maw.

Tails wagging, yipping and yapping, the cakes seemed just as delighted with their fate.

One by one, the Squires and Sovereigns hesitantly sampled the chaotic cuisine. Dishes that might escape were usually only served to visiting griffin dignitaries and required a watchful eye to keep them corralled on one's plate. The entire roast 'sheep' made of vanilla cake, complete with a fluffy white fleece of spun shugar and jelly internal organs, was particularly disturbing. Grapes with hissing fuses exploded like fire crackers in Dusk's mouth and leaked colourful smoke from his nostrils. Fine wines from Canterlot's vast cellars eased any remaining tension, and even Fluttershy was coaxed from beneath the table.

Between bites of trembling Seizure Salad and dodging swipes from fruity Bear Claws, Dusk and Twilight kept a wary eye on the Multiverse map.

Twice, rapid shifts sent them scurrying to their abacuses ("Abacai!") to feverishly revise calculations. While they were clicking beads and splashing ink around, Rarity opened the door and called out for somepony to pretty please fetch a stack of towels. Evidently unleashing a pent up pegasus stallion was an extremely messy affair.

A few minutes later Prince Artemis tapped on Dusk's shoulder. He gestured at the maps and said, "It moved again."

"What? Really?" Dusk rubbed his head with a ink-stained hoof before comprehension dawned on him. "Oh! Of course! Rarity on Dash, Elusive on Blitz - or, more likely, Blitz in Elusive - and then Elusive on Dash and Blitz on Rarity." He turned to Twilight and giggled in a slightly manic way. "Twice the relationshipping potential! And with all of the combinations and permutations of relationships for all twelve Squires, minus the obviously incestuous pairings-"

From the other side of the room a sharp-eared Pinkie Pie sang, "Or not!"

Twilight yelled back, "No, Pinkie Pie! Ugh!"

"Whaaaat?! It's fun!"

Dusk coughed and struggled to regain his composure. "Ahem… As I was saying. With all of those various combinations and permutations we should easily have enough to reach The Core even dragging a dozen other universes with us."

Twilight hopped up onto the table to get closer to the map and with a squelchy squish she accidentally stepped in a Leech Cobbler. She plunked her rump down next to the map and scrubbed the squirmy things off of her hind hoof with a napkin. She grimaced and wished she hadn't blindly accepted Eris' assurance that everything was vegetarian. She waved to get Princess Luna's attention.

"Can you make the map display some of the other dimensions for me? I need to check if we're getting skewed away from the Core."

The resulting flickering and twisting of the map made everypony feel a bit ill - or perhaps the squirmy food was to blame - but Twilight confirmed that their universe's trajectory was acceptable even with the male twins doing their part. They'd end up near some unknown sector of The Core, but they could do it!

She grinned and yelled, "It's working! We're going to be alright, everypony!"

Discord stood and ting-tinged a fork against his oversized wine glass filled with slices of burnt toast.

"Attention everypony!"

He raised his glass and declared, "To our heroic Squires! Their pricks and poon will lead us into a new age of, ugh, peace and prosperity for all! Their dirty deeds this day shall go down and swallow in history! To commemorated their heroic humping I've commissioned a spectacular stained glass window for the castle's grand entrance. Well hung in place of pride, where everypony in all Equestria can see and be touched in inappropriate ways. Well done, every pony!"

"Hear, hear!" Eris cried while banging on the table, making her cutlery dance a clinking minuet.

A ragged cheer went up from the other Sovereigns.

"We are not installing that window", Celestia whispered after a big swallow of wine.

"No?" Prince Solaris withered under her glare. "No. No, I suppose not."

The storage room door creaked open and Rarity trit-trotted out, humming gaily.

"Ooh! Supper! Fabulous!" She settled at the table by Princess Umbra's dusky side, spritzed herself with eau de cologne, and quickly assembled a cress and daisy sandwich. She carefully avoided anything grotesque and wiggly… which wasn't easy. "I'm simply famished! Could you pass the Grey Poupon, s'il vous plaît?"

Dressed in a fancy waiter's uniform, completed with white apron, Discord loomed over Rarity's shoulder to present a stoneware jar on a silver tray. "It's-aaah verra frresh, mademoiselle. Trays pee-quant!" he slured in an outrageous mockery of a prancypone accent.

"Oh! Oh, ahem, ah, merci… I think." Mustard spoon at the ready, she cracked the lid and frowned at the colourful contents. "This isn't-"

"Vous ask-eh-vou'd pour les Gay Poupon? Oo-wee?" Discord smirked and waggled his fluffy eyebrows at Rarity's dismayed countenance.

She huffed and refused to give him the satisfaction of an answer! Rarity pouted and angrily spread a layer of the striped sauce on her sandwich, where it reminded her of the tail-end of a pony she'd become intimately familiar with.

Rainbow Dash stumbled out of the storage closet with her proud wings drooping almost to the floor. She hobbled an erratic, half-awake path to the table while Elusive emerged behind her with an unconscious Rainbow Blitz slung across his shoulders.

Brasses on Butterscotch's chastity belt jingled as he hopped up to help get Blitz settled on his cushion.

Elusive winced and waved a hoof at the belt. "Oh, I am so terribly sorry. In all the rush I completely overlooked that you needed to be unlocked."

Butterscotch blushed and murmured, "Oh… It's okay, I don't mind. I… I kind of like it."

Princess Celestia's hoof rapped on the table to get everypony's attention. Elusive smiled and winked at Butterscotch before prancing off to take his seat. On his right side, Pinkie lay on her back, hooves in the air and tummy turgid, while on his left, Prince Sombra sneered and tried to scrub frosting splatter from the lapel of his dour jacket.

"Attention, everypony and draconequus." Celestia tapped her gavel-hoof a few more times and beamed motherly affection for a pair of foals who had earned a gold star on their school report. "Squires Dusk Shine and Twilight Sparkle. The experiments have been successful? Is our universe truly saved?"

Twilight fairly glowed, now that Hocus and Trixie had buggered off, and she could bask in Celestia's praise. "Yes! Yes, there were a few, ah, anxious moments but according to what we've learned, we can do this! So long as all of the Squires participate."

The round of stomping and cheers was rather muted as various ponies were unconscious, stuffing their faces, or reclining with a bellyfull of muffled yapping. Princess Celestia smiled and opened her mouth to shower Twilight Sparkle with praise, but then Dusk Shine had to butt in and ruin the moment.

"Just in case, I've drawn up a contingency plan for relationshipping the Sovereigns."

Princess Celestia's regal ears folded flat to her head and she tentatively asked, "O-oh? Surely you jest, dearest Squire Dusk?"

"Nope! I've been refining our dimensional analysis profiles and found that Sovereigns also have useful relationshipping potential. See?" Dusk held up a partly finished chart.

Celestia's eyes locked onto the crudely sketched sunburst of hers and Solaris' cutie mark. Many, many lines linked it to other Squires and Sovereigns - especially Dusk and Twilight, who she thought of as foals-from-another-mother. Even a few to her Lunar siblings!

Unaware of Celestia's dismay, Dusk plunked the scroll back onto the table and picked up his quill. "I'll have this finished in a few and we can set up the next experiment. It's a shame Hocus and Trixie left…"

"Oh. T-that is most… excellent news." Princess Celestia rose to her suddenly sweaty hooves and prodded her brother to get up as well, "But you'll have to excuse us. Night has fallen and we really must rest before we are needed to raise the sun. Isn't that right, Prince Solaris?"

Nervously eyeing the new chart he nodded eagerly. "Yes! Of course! Can't be helped. Good evening everypony and good luck!"

Dusk hopped up to chase after them. "But we'll need to borrow your bed! It's the only one in the palace that's big enough for everypony."

If Celestia could have gotten any whiter she would have blanched. "Oh, no no no! Sorry, but we really do need our rest!" She faked a massive yawn. "Ahh hmmm… So sorry but I must decline for we desperately need sleep, right now! You have our royal leave to borrow our sibling's bed! Good night!"

She shoved her brother out of a window and leapt out after him. Dusk skidded to a halt at the window ledge and watched them frantically flap away into the night, like startled pidgins.

"Cadence? You're leaving us too?" Twilight whined as her former B.B.F.F. (Babysitter Best Friend Forever) and Prince Tempo beat a retreat to another window.

Prince Tempo coughed and said, "W-well it's just… Uh… Prince Sombra! Surely you noticed he's gone?"

"What? He's right…" Elusive blinked in surprise at the empty cushions where his Sovereign and Princess Umbra were sitting moments ago. "Huh."

"I fear he's gone back to the Empire to freebase crystals. You know how he gets. Right, sis?"

Cadence nodded eagerly. "Yup! Can't have him going on a bender and enslaving everypony again." She guiltily hid behind her brother's bulk as they scampered for the window.

Twilight waved her hooves in the air and yelped, "But what if we need your spell?"

"You'll be fine! Believe in yourself! Call us! Bye!" With a loud flapping of wings they made good on their getaway, flying north as fast as their wings could carry them.

Dusk sighed heavily as he sat down at the table, he prodded Twilight's rump and pointed at where the Sovereigns of Laughter had been a few moments ago. Fabric tubes vaguely painted to look like Their Chaotic Majesties waved from side to side, flailing noodle arms in the air.

Prince Artemis sighed. "Please accept my humble apologies for their cowardice, Squires Twilight and Dusk."

"Indeed. Our fellow Sovereigns' behaviour is most deplorable", Princess Luna declared. "Rest assured that my brother and I are loyal to our cause and will do all we are able to aid you."

Dusk Shine brightened and asked, "So, about borrowing your bed…"

Princess Luna's eyes narrowed and she hissed, "Pray do not test the depths of our loyalty, Squire!" A heavy dark aura spread from her body and her voice took on a gravelly edge of cement mixer. "The soil of our Moon would make an adequately soft mattress."

"Eep!" Dusk ducked behind Twilight and tried to think small thoughts.

Prince Artemis chuckled and said, "I'll have the palace staff arrange a larger bed or two in the storage room. Do try to avoid eating anypony, dear sister." He got up and headed for the stairs as Luna spluttered.

She settled back onto her cushion and groused, "Slip up just once and you never hear the end of it."

Feeling more than a little creeped out Twilight shuddered and turned to address the Squires. "Okaaay… Anyway, I think we should all finish eating and grab forty winks while they get the room prepared. It's going to be a long night, everypony."

The Squires gathered seating cushions to make a nest, and curled up together to get some shut eye while palace staff prepared the storage room. Luna cast an isolation dome over their corner of the Observatory so the racket and light wouldn't disturb them.

"Psst… Are you asleep?"

Dusk rolled over so that he was snoot-to-snoot with his sister and murmured, "No. I can't sleep. I'm too worried. Are you okay?"

Twilight shook her head and whimpered, "Nooo."

Dusk drew her in for a hug and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I just… I thought our first time would be something… well… special. Romantic. Magical."

He chuckled and nuzzled her ears. "Me too. But I can't imagine anything more special than saving the whole Harmony-blessed universe with all of our friends."

Twilight pressed her forehead against his neck and sighed. Dusk could hear her frustration and anxiety.

"Tell you what, Twily. When all this is over we'll ask Celestia and Solaris to throw a grand ball here at the palace. We'll invite everypony's families, have a huge, romantic wedding and then go on a week long honeymoon on the Fancy Riviera."

Twilight snorted a giggle. "Moms and Pops going to kill us."

Dusk smirked and said, "Oh, I think Papa Night Light and Mama Luminescent won't mind, but it's gonna take some fancy hoofwork to convince Papa Velour and Mama Velvet. Having many son and sister-in-laws and potentially lots and lots of grandfoals should make them happy though."

Twilight yawned and nodded. After their elder siblings' bug-infested wedding, having an enormous herd wedding would be a piece of cake. Hah! No. It would be crazy. But at least they'd be here to 'enjoy' it.

Dusk's lips quirked in a crooked little smile as his sister gently snored into his ear.

Princess Luna kept a close eye on the Multiverse map's depiction of universes winking out.

The palace staff, under Prince Artemis' direction, hustled to clean and prepare the storage room. His millennias of wet dream voyeurism were put to good use, transforming the stuffy room into a romantic boudoir.

A rainbow of soft velvet draperies hung from the walls and ceiling, hiding away mirrors, telescopes, and boxes of assorted equipment. Three beds were pushed together and dressed with spare sheets and comforters from Celestia and Solaris' royal suite. The cowardly Solar Sovereigns could just deal with the stains. Lanky Lemon & the Yearlings crooned a romantic ballad from the horn of a state-of-the-art phonograph, and a walnut sideboard was piled high with refreshments and stacks of soft towels. Its drawers were stocked with an assortment of 'marital aids' - fetched from the Canterlot Carousel by a red-faced squad of Lunar Guards.

With destruction looming close, Luna and Artemis shooed the guards and giggling maids from the Observatory, and woke the Squires. Thimbles of Luna's Own brand coffee were doled out, saturated with so much shugar it was practically a syrup.

Once the screaming had died down, Prince Artemis led the troop of caffeine-buzzing Squires to the storage room and gestured grandly. "Welcome, Squires! This may not be the most comfortable or auspicious chamber from which to save our universe but I hope it will suffice."

Pinkie and Bubble charged into the room and bounced on the beds while the rest of the Squires filed in.

The sole added touch Rarity just had to make was setting up a couple of incense cones which she lit with a touch from her horn. This wasn't the way she and Elusive had imagined their 'wedding' night but at least they were in the palace and her brother was, after years of pining, getting some quality time with Blitz. Now if only she could get her hooves on Twilight, everything would be perfection! This unheard of mish-mash of relationships might turn into something worth treasuring.

Princess Luna pulled Twilight and Dusk aside before they entered the room. She solemnly told them, "We shall keep a close eye upon the map. If we see ought amiss we will fetch you."

"Oh?" Twilight backed away from the door and a squeaked, "I-if you think there might be a problem maybe we should just stay out here and-"

Dusk's hoof over her muzzle cut off her breathless ramble and he shook his head. "Sorry, sis. We've got to be part of this. You saw how many relationship lines we have connecting us to everypony else, right?"

Twilight close her eyes, sighed and nodded. She wished Cadence hadn't bailed on them - a dose of Love's Spur would really help right about now!

"Come on, Twily. I'll be there with you and this has got to be easier than taking down Chrysalis and Pupa. Probably more fun too."

Twilight giggled nervously. "I don't know if anything could be more satisfying than that."

With the door closed and the silencing spell refreshed, Artemis and Luna trotted to the table and broke out a deck of cards.

In that improvised boudoir it was a night of burgeoning lusts.

Mutual appreciation of the most earthy variety.

Kisses and body fluids were exchanged and pleasure of all kinds were experimented with, aside from incest of course.

Well, except for the pink ponies who did whatever and whoever it took put a smile on somepony's face.

When stallions begged for momentary reprieve, marital aids were deployed - as were colourful plastic party favours.

Mares pleasured mares who did stallions like they're mares who did mares like they're… etc. ad infinitum.

It was a night of firsts for many Squires.

Twilight and Dusk both lost their virginity, as did Butterscotch once Pinkie Pie convinced him to take off the chastity belt.

Rainbow Blitz and Elusive thoroughly cemented their long-time maybe-kinda-someday interest in one another.

Bubble amazed everypony with his kumquat and waffle iron trick.

In fits and starts their strange little universe cut a wobbly path across the Multiverse, dragging a net of a half dozen other universes behind it. Eventually nestling near some of the queerer Core universes.

Vast ripples of destruction attenuated and faded.

Equestria, this royal throne to sovereigns, this land of silly hats and song, this happy breed of pones, this little world, this harmonious land set in a silver sea, by their blessed plots, this realm, was saved.

Meanwhile, in a universe that was now 'next door'…

"Thank you ever so much for agreeing to accompany me, Rarity", Twilight Sparkle said with a warm smile as they trotted side-by-side through the dark and empty halls of Canterlot. They passed solitary sentinels of the Night Court whose purple armour blended into the shadows.

It was very late at night - or early in the morning - and Rarity yawned before replying, "You're welcome. I'm always happy to help and I was already in Canterlot for the Hot Haute Couture Pageant." She chuckled and shook her head.

Twilight arched a graceful eyebrow and asked, "Mmm…? What has you so giggly, ma cher?"

"Oh, two of the featured designers are still working with padded 'power shoulders' this season. But my latest analysis of cultural trends confirm my prediction that slimmed shoulders to emphasise fuller flanks will be the fastest growing trend. They'll completely miss taking advantage of that growing target market." Rarity snorted cutely and had to slow down for a moment to adjust her stylish, red-framed glasses. "That and there was this diamond dog designer named Glaring Pug whose line-up consisted of ponies dressed as what appeared to be murderous clowns. You know, it could be interesting to investigate the influence of intra-species Bizarre Couture within Equestrian fashion to see if-"

Twilight's eyes glazed over as her friend nattered on and on about fashion this and marketing that. Much as she cared for Rarity - as she did for all of her fellow Elements, fellow friends - the entrepreneurial unicorn was frightfully dull when her… Well, Twilight wouldn't call it a 'passion'. When her 'studious interest' in fashion was in full swing. Certainly she had an inquisitive mind, a through education at the highest level, and well-honed skills in her craft. But there was no love, no passion, no Art! Just hours and hours of careful, dusty research and planning and plotting and perfect execution.

With a start, Twilight realised that Rarity's lecture had rambled to a stop and she was gazing at her with an expectant expression on her scandalously make-up-less but refreshingly beautiful face.

"Ohh ho ho hooo… That was very… amusing? Interesting? Umm-" Twilight's ears wiggled in embarrassment as she asked, "Did I detect a question?"

"I was just wondering where we're going."

"To a little tête-à-tête with Princess Moon in the Observatory. She noticed something…" Twilight paused and wondered how she could express this concept in laypony terms. "She felt a wiggle in The Force, as if a thousand voices had cried out and-"

"A wiggle in a whaaat…?"

Twilight shook her head and sighed. "Or did she say it was a 'jiggle'? Oh dear, oh dear. I'm afraid I simply can't recall the precise phrase the Princess used."

With a cutely snorty chuckle Rarity bumped into Twilight and said, "Nevermind. It'd probably go over my head anyway. Do you know what she wants us for?"

Twilight rolled her shoulders in a shrug as they walked down the last hall to the Observatory stairs. "I'm afraid not. You know what our Princess of the Night is like - so terribly dramatic and mysterious."

A pair of Princess Moon's elite moonfoal guards nodded to them and opened the thick iron-bound doors to the stairs leading up to Her Highness' private Observatory.

At the top of the long spiral stairs, Rarity tipped her head back and stared up at the dome. Enchantments made it so that regardless of the cloud cover, anypony inside would have a crystal clear view of the night sky, and it was a stunning vista.

Twilight looked around the large room but there was no sign of the Princess. One of the midnight black moonfoal guards came up the stairs, walked past, and gestured with a leathery wing for them to follow. He quietly led them to a storage room.

Princess Moon waited for them in the dustier and much less-spectacular closet. She nodded as they entered and set aside the large quill she had been making notes with.

"Rarity. Twilight."

Both unicorns bowed before the tall pitch black alicorn, who grinned, exposing rows of needle sharp teeth. She did so love seeing other ponies grovelling before her, somehow that never got old. But there was work to be done and the night wasn't getting any younger.

Princess Moon led them to one side of the room and gestured with a massive bat-like wing at a floor-length mirror that had several glowing gems set in its frame. "I'm making a copy of Starswirl's mirror and while I was studying the original I felt a… disturbance. A great change in the many universes. That was when I noticed this…"

A stub of chalk levitated up from one of the many desks, held in the princess' green glowing magic. With a flick she tossed it at the mirror and instead of bouncing off it vanished! Ripples spread from where it struck, splashed against the mirror's rim, and quickly died away. In moments the polished surface was still again.

Twilight made an 'o' face for a moment before exclaiming, "It connected?"

"Yes. All on its own." Princess Moon growled and curled a lip at the device's impertinence. "I've tested its enchantments and the connection is surprisingly stable."

Twilight ran an appreciative eye over the mirror, not literally of course as that would be quite painful. To her highly-trained senses, Princess Moon's refinement of Starswirl's mish-mash of experimental spells glowed in intricate patterns that dancing with exquisite complexity. Such beauty! Such passion! Such style! It was enough to make a mare faint with joy!

Twilight bounced on her hooves like a giddy filly and sang, "Oh this is so terribly exciting! Do you want us to reconnoitre this new universe, Princess?"

Before Princess Moon could answer Rarity gasped and asked, "It's not that monkey universe again?!"

Princess Moon chuckled wickedly and savoured the horror that simmered in Rarity's eyes. "That's for you to find out."

Rarity's hide twitched and she grumbled, "Much as I want to finish my survey of their fascinating fashion I couldn't stand becoming one again - those long skinny legs and wiggly fingers. Ugh. I still have nightmares…"

Princess Moon winked and purred, "Oh, I know." She jabbed a hoof at the mirror. "Enough stalling! Get in there already. If there is some threat to Equestria or prize waiting to be plucked I would know of it sooner rather than later."

"Alright! Alright, look, I'm going." Rarity scampered away from Princess Moon's angry-face and sidled up to Twilight, who was still entranced by the mirror.

"Just have a quick look and come right back?" Rarity whispered in Twilight's ear.

"Mmhmm!" Twilight hummed. "I'll go first. Wait a moment and if I don't return immediately, follow me in. Agreed?"

"I understand. Good luck." Rarity's heart skipped a beat. Her friend was so very, very brave - or a trusting fool. She glanced over her shoulder at Princess Moon, who was eagerly rubbing her armoured hooves together like a filly waiting for her Hearths Warming present.

Twilight calmly sauntered through the mirror.

A little shiver ran down Rarity's spine. She would never get used to seeing somepony do that. After waiting for a few breaths, she swallowed, closed her eyes, walked towards the mirror, and face first into a pile of dusty fabric! She almost stepped backwards through the mirror again.

"Psst. Over here."

Rarity tiphooved (Hooves! She still had hooves. Oh, thank Moon!) along a narrow, dark corridor towards Twilight's quiet call. Drapery hung on her right and piles of odd boxes and equipment formed a cluttered wall to her left.

She found Twilight lying on her belly, peeking through a part in the draperies into a room beyond. Soft light from candles burned to stubs provided the only illumination and a strange hissing and clicking made Rarity's ears twitch as she lay on the floor next to Twilight.

She tensely whispered, "Where are we?"

"I think we have arrived in the same storage closet in the Observatory. Well, other than being in a different universe of course." She giggled daintily.

Rarity sniffed the air and pressed a hoof over her nose. "Augh! It stinks! Twilight, I think we should go back."

Twilight sniffed and shuddered. "What is that atrocious odour?"

"Y-you don't know what that is?"

With a shrug Twilight asked, "No. Should I?"

Rarity smirked. "Oh, Twilight. You poor, sheltered filly."

Twilight pointed with a hoof and whispered, "I think I see a bed out there."

"Why am I not surprised?" Rarity rolled her eyes. Just their luck to stumble into somepony's 'fitting room'. While it was occupied no less. She tapped Twilight on the shoulder and gestured back the way they had come. "We've done what Moon-y asked. Let's get out of here."

Twilight had to learn what the inhabitants of this universe were like! They were probably ponies since she and Rarity still were. Nopony seemed to be moving so she decided to heroically sneak in, and see if she could gather any useful information from observing who ever was asleep on that gigantic bed.

Maybe a princess? This universe's Nightmare Moon or Daybreaker? Oh, that could be delightful! Making first contact with royalty!

Twilight crept out of their hiding spot and Rarity snatched at her tail while hissing, "Twilight?! What are you doing? We should go."

Twilight whispered back, "I'll only be a moment, ma cher. Do not fret."

A few steps further and her hoof landed in something both slippery and sticky.

"Ew. What is this nasty, nasty substance?" She lifted her hoof to sniff at it and moments later was frantically rubbing it against a dry patch of carpet. It was something organic that reminded her of the revolting green snot in a changeling hive! The fur on her back bristled and she tensed to scuttle back the way she'd come. Somepony on the bed snorted and rolled over. Twilight couldn't see much in the dim candlelight but they certainly didn't sound like a changeling.

Or seem grand enough to be a Princess.

Gently placing her hooves on the edge of the bed she raised herself up to get a peek and found herself staring at herself.

Confronted with the sight of her own sleeping body Twilight gasped and woke the other mare.

Her other self blinked her eyes blearily while Twilight stood frozen. The other Twilight's lips curled in a goofy smile and she giggled!

"Wheee heee hee… It's another me! I think Applejack really did buck my brains out."

Gazing up at her own face's stunned expression, Squire Twilight's grin turned wicked and she suddenly threw her legs around the other mare's shoulders! Yanking her stunned and unresisting other-self close she gave herself a sloppy smootch! Her tongue was a battering ram, forcing its way into the other mare's muzzle and pillaging her cherry flavour lip gloss!

Twilight's muffled scream, only a few centimetres away from his ears, jolted Dusk out of a satiated doze. He leapt to his hooves on the springy mattress.

"Twilight?!"

His sister's dimly-lit rump charged away from the bed as she screamed her head off!

She'd seemed okay earlier, even happy once she got into it - or rather once Applejack got into her. But as he'd feared might happen, she'd snapped! He jumped from the bed to chase after her, and slipped on something slimy that almost sent him crashing to the floor.

As he ran, his barely-awake and cider-addled mind tried to catch up with what was going on. Did he just see Rarity back there behind the drapes before Twilight ran through them? He charged through the curtains and straight into a box loaded with clanking brass instruments!

"Ouchie!" He rubbed his snoot and turned toward the sound of scampering hooves, just in time to get a vague impression of somepony's rump going through a door.

"Twilight?!"

There was a door back here?

Ponies muttered questions back at the bed as they woke, but he didn't have a moment to spare if Twi was in full freak-out! He galloped for the door, intent on catching up with his crazed sister before things started exploding!

He had a brief flash of somepony galloping right at him from the other side and flinched!

Eyes shut, he tried to dodge!

His hoof caught on something!

Tail over ears, Dusk tumbled into the mirror.

Author's Note

Il meglio è l'inimico del bene. ~ Voltaire

Something I continue to struggle with: the desire to ensure every sentence is honed to perfection. Urgh. That said, I'm not immune to making typos, so please PM me if you spot one. :twilightsmile:

Now with various fixes courtesy of Cross Lament. :twilightsheepish:

Next Chapter

You Are Here

3 - Squires, Do Your Duty!

Author's Note