Unit 001 was quite busy while Dr. Chip ate. Pony after pony would come up to her and say hello. She would say hello back, and then they would ask her a question or two, sometimes followed by poking her. She didn’t mind that they poked her, she understood the value of calibrating sensors. It was the constant barrage of new ponies she had to make data files for, and try to keep updated simultaneously. She was currently tracking 122 ponies and 2 griffons, all while trying to keep their data files updated. It was almost too much and her response times were slowing down drastically. She chose to ignore Dr. Chip while he ate, she had a fairly comprehensive file on him already.

She decided to speed the greeting process up by preempting when she could. “Hello Dr. Orange.”

The orange earth pony mare who was about to greet her looked startled. “How did you know my name?”

“Dr. Green Bean greeted you 8.2 minutes ago. I updated your data file with your name then.” Unit 001 smiled to relay her satisfaction. That had been an easy question.

Dr. Orange looked at her suspiciously. “That was across the room. Did you hear everything we talked about?”

Unit 001 smiled. “Of course! I have the capacity to detect sounds as quiet as -13 decibels in the standard conversational frequencies. If I am not being selective to conversations, I can record sounds as quiet as -10 decibels across the standard pony hearing range, and as quiet as -5 decibels across a much wider frequency range.”

Dr. Orange paled. “But… everypony else was talking...”

“Yes. I have been updating their data files as well. Differentiating speech sources is a simple matter of processing power once I have the files recorded. I have optimized this process… but…” Unit 001 frowned to express her distress. “It is still very taxing to my processing units for me to observe everypony in here.”

Dr. Orange stared at Unit 001 with her mouth agape. Unit 001 grew concerned. “Dr. Orange. You do not appear to be healthy. Would you like me to get Dr. Green Bean? He is familiar with your vitals.”

Dr. Orange’s response was a high pitched “No!” She looked around in a panic, and then spoke quickly. “No. Please. I’ll be fine.” She glanced over at Dr. Chip who was happily nibbling on a pancake as Unit 001 watched her in confusion. “Chip! Get over here.”

Chip looked up, pancake still in his mouth, to see a panicked Orange, who emphasized. “Now!”

He looked longingly at the rest of his pancake, and then sadly stood up and walked over. “Yes?”

“Your android is monitoring everypony in this room.” Orange accusingly glared at him.

“And?” Dr. Chip seemed unconcerned, which made Unit 001 feel better about the situation. She had been briefly worried that she had been doing something wrong. Dr. Green Bean was watching them from across the room, and his concern appeared to be growing. He was probably concerned about his friend’s vitals. That had been the subject of their conversation earlier.

“It’s monitoring everypony!” Orange frantically repeated.

Dr. Chip squinted his eyes and shook his head in slight disbelief. “And so are you.”

Unit 001 was concerned about Dr. Orange. Her vitals were skyrocketing. Since she had optimized her sensors, she could accurately infer the excitement level of a pony—a new metric she came up with to help her predictive algorithms—by monitoring their heart rate. Dr. Orange was very excited, but it did not appear to be healthy. Unit 001 was worried about her health, and so decided to consult an expert. She shouted across the room, “Dr. Green Bean! Dr. Orange appears to be in distress. Since you are an expert, please assist in her relaxation. It might be necessary to use the techniques that had success last night.”

Unit 001 was pleased as the room grew silent. It became much easier to monitor everypony when they weren’t talking, allowing her to catch up with updating their data files. She smiled serenely as she waited for Dr. Green Bean to fix Dr. Orange. Strangely, Dr. Green Bean began to turn red as his eyes went wide. Unit 001 knew this was a sign of distress. He was probably concerned for his friend.

Dr. Orange looked horrified, and then shouted to the room, “It was just a massage!”

Unit 001 smiled as she processed the new information. “Updating my data on massages to include tongues and genital manipulation.”

Meeting so many ponies at once was turning out to be very informative.

Author's Note

Discord hasn’t been seen for over thirty years, but sometimes his influence can be called upon by his worshipers. He’s decided that he likes people to admire him, so he’s trying to be a god, randomly dishing out malevolence and benevolence with complete disregard to the worshipers actual request. This has caused Twilight Sparkle and Princess Luna great frustration as every time they attempt to contact him with something serious, they are greeted by a fish with a note tied to it. The note says nothing, and then the fish laughs at them as it slowly turns into a daisy. It’s most unsettling, and Twilight Sparkle and Princess Luna have ceased attempting to contact Discord for the time being,with one exception. The draconaque had always loved riddles and puzzles, so Twilight had been sending Discord ever more complex puzzles, and he's been sending them back complete, often followed by his own, usually insane, puzzle. So far Twilight has accomplished seven of his puzzles. He has accomplished every single one of hers.