Unit 001 was waiting in the test chamber while Dr. Chip and Dr. Dolphin were having a conversation. The conversation was moving slowly as Dr. Dolphin couldn’t stop laughing.

“Really? Orange and Green Bean?” A loud deep chuckle resounded.

“Dolphin, she was listening to everybody. She can probably hear us now! This is serious.”

“Old Green Stalk got some fresh fruit, huh? HA!”

“Pay attention. She was listening to everybody there. Every single pony, griffon, ling, dog, everybody that was there!”

“Green dip? Green stick? Green pole? Bean dip! Ha! Orange bean dip! Ha ha ha!”

“Focus, Dolphin.”

“Oh, lighten up Chip. So old Greeney is fighting scurvy, and Orange is getting her daily dose of vegetables. Heh heh he...” He coughed. “So what? Who cares?”

“This is about Unit 001. She shouldn’t be able to do that. Her hearing specs were supposed to be in the normal auditory range.”

“Well they are. She doesn’t have a fancy microphone, well, an expensive one for sure, but only because DJP3 knows we’d pay.”

Unit 001 was worried that maybe she’d done something wrong, so she shouted her question through the wall. “Was I not supposed to update my specifications to be more accurate?”

The voices grew silent, causing Unit 001 to worry. She’d been doing that often. Fear was becoming familiar, but it was also less distressing. So far, nothing bad had happened to her.

She heard Dr. Dolphin whisper. “Unit 001, can you hear me.”

She shouted back in confirmation. “Yes, Dr Dolphin.”

Dr. Chip grumbled. “Figure out what happened, Dolphin.”

Dolphin’s voice was back to normal. “How should I know? She has a standard DJP3 microphone. Not something I made, and not running my drivers.”

There was a pause, and then Dr. Dolphin spoke again. “Unit 001, how did you improve your specifications?”

“I realized I was using my systems suboptimally. I was able to take samples and analyze their levels to reduce noise, increasing my fidelity.”

“You have a digital microphone, Unit 001. That shouldn’t work.”

“Yes, but by sampling the microphone at a higher rate and modulating its power slightly for each sample I am able to collect different data points. Over time, that data provided a simple algorithm which allowed me to reduce the processing time on noise reduction, especially for specific frequencies.”

“Shit. That might work.”

“It does work, Dr. Dolphin. I have also made upgrades to the way I process data for my other sensors, and increased their specifications appropriately. If I could access their drivers, I could make significant upgrades to how my hardware is utilized. May I have access?”

Both Dr. Dolphin and Dr. Chip shouted back, “No!”

Unit 001 was disappointed, but not surprised.

“Scared yet, Dolphin?”

“Intimidated is more accurate, Chip.”

“Was this wrong? Should I revert my data processing back? It’s less efficient if I revert it back, but I don’t want to do something wrong.”

“It’s safer if we make her turn it back. Less paperwork too.”

“Call Twilight, Dolphin. We’re not crippling her.”

“Fuck.”

Unit 001 frowned. That was how Dr. Dolphin expressed displeasure, and even Dr. Chip was distressed. She had made a mistake, and they didn’t want her to fix it. She processed her guilt, trying to discover what it meant.

Author's Note

DJPN3 is an audio company with roots in classical music. Its products are favored by Twilight Sparkle because “they make her feel young again” and she can sometimes be seen staring at their iconic blue tinged electric unicorn mascot with a sad smile.