Not*worthy: A Story of Sex and Introspection

I wake up in the middle of the night with a slight headache. I drink some cold water and go back to bed.

The next time I wake up, it’s still dark outside, though I see the hints of a sunrise through my bedroom window. I lie still on my back and fold my hooves over my belly. I stare at the ceiling. My house lets in more natural light than Berry Punch’s apartment. My eyes flick between shapes in the stucco, like finding images in the clouds.

I’m awake like this for less than a hour when there’s a sharp rap at my door. I sit up, startled, and listen.

“Mail delivery!” calls a high pitched voice. “Mail delivery for Mister, uh, let’s see here… Noteworthy?”

I drop my head and rub my eyes. “Silly mare…” I mumble. I slide off my mattress and plod through the house, opening the front door without circumstance. “Hi, Derpy.”

Derpy beams at me, each of her eyes doing loopty-loops in her skull. “Hi, Notew-eerrr-Mister! I have a, um, a package for you!” She glances up and down my street. There’s nopony around, but she bumps her saddlebag with a hoof and shrugs. “It’s a real, uhh, a real special one. Like a secret. I have to come in!” She clears her throat. “To, y’know, get a-uhhh, signature! Yeah!”

My eyelids are half closed. “It’s Sunday,” I say. “What happened to no post on Sundays?”

Derpy clears her throat. “Umm… well, I can actually answer that.” She kicks at the ground. “There are several deliveries from yesterday that we didn’t have time to deliver, given that… oh, can I just come in?” She stomps her hooves and frowns at me.

I grin. “Come on in, Miss Mysterious Mailmare,” I announce. I step to one side and usher Derpy inside.

She sighs visibly and hurries in. The grey feather of her wing accidentally brush against my face as she enters. I shudder, and feel a bit warmer.

I close the door behind her and shoot her a skeptical smile. “Really, Derpy? Why not just sneak in quietly?”

“I hope nopony saw me.” She drops her mailbags on the ground and flicks a blue cap off her of her blonde mane. “I-I-I can’t stay for long, y’know. We gotta do this quick!”

“Do what?” I ask, and I’m suddenly tackled by her passionate embrace. Derpy is kissing me harder than I’ve ever been kissed in my life. Her tongue is going wild behind my teeth. Our lips slide over and against each other. Say what you want about Derpy, but she’s a fantastic kisser.

Even so, I push her away. “Whoa, Derpy, slow down! What’s this about?”

“I need to let off some steam, Noteworthy,” she says, tearing her uniform off and throwing it aside. It’s strangely sexy. “You still down to fuck?”

“Heyo!” I let out a surprised chuckle and my eyes momentarily mirror hers. “Uh, what? What is that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t remember?” The raw energy coursing through her starts to fizzle.

I hold out a hoof. “No, no, I remember, Derpy! I remember, it was about a month ago, you brought a package for me and you looked really sad and I asked you what was wrong, yeah?”

Her batteries recharge in an instant. She creeps toward me, spreading her wings at her sides. “Yes! And you complimented me like nopony ever has, and you stroked my wings, and we banged!” She jumps for me, hovering a few inches off the ground while she pulls my head into her chest. “Now let’s do it again!”

“Why? I mean, yeah, that’s great, let’s do it! But… can I ask why?”

“You said I could come back anytime, remember?” She lands and presses our snouts together, staring sadly into my eyes. “I’m a busy mare, but I need this, Noteworthy. I need you inside me!”

“Woooow, okay!” I nod quickly. “Yeah, okay, umm… you wanna go back to my bedroom?”

“No!” She literally picks me up and flies us into the kitchen. “Here! Here, against the oven!” She stands up, turns around, slaps her hooves onto the stovetop, and spread her plot cheeks in my direction. “Shove it inside me! Now!”

“Where is this coming from?” I ask. I stare at her soaked, quivering pussy and feel my penis emerge between my legs.

“I’m so stressed!” She spreads her hind hooves farther and looks at me over her shoulder. Her wonky, golden eyes are pleading. “My daughter Dinky needs a tutor at school, my boss at Hoover’s Movers is threatening to fire me, two ponies quit the mailforce this month and I’m working extra shifts, and I just. Need. Your. Dick!”

“Oh, so the Sunday thing is true?” I ask.

“Yes! I have to start my route! Go on and fuck me, Noteworthy!”

“Aye aye, cap’n!” I say. I leap onto her back.

Derpy is in fantastic shape: the muscles in and around her wings ripple through tight grey fur. Her waist is so thin, and her plot blossoms outward like a flower blooms from its stem. I put my hooves on the countertop on either side of the stove and slide my throbbing penis into her vagina.

“OOOOOHHH!” Derpy thrashes her head about. Her blonde mane layers over itself. Every second she gets sexier. “YES! Oh, hurry up, fuck me!”

I pull out and push back in, slightly deeper than before. Her pussy is wet and loose, but it’s so warm and I love how excited she is.

“Yeah, Noteworthy, yeah! Hurry!” She glares at me over her shoulder through strands of her mane that have fallen over her eyes. “I don’t have all damn day!”

“Yes ma’am!” Her passion is infectious. My heart beats harder as I move inside her. I run my hooves down her back, from her shoulders to her thick, round plot.

Her tail hangs to the left, shaking with pleasure. “Oh yeah! You’re so much bigger than Dinky’s stupid father! He didn’t know how to treat me! Not like you―oh, Noteworthy, right there! Fuck me!”

“You are so amazing!” I say. “Derpy, holy crap, you’re so exciting!”

“I am?” Her voice is suddenly scared.

“Yes! Gosh, you’re butt is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen! Your mane is so wild and hot, you’re so cute and so naughty at the same time―”

“Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oooohhh!” She tossed her head back and shouted at my ceiling. “You make me feel amazing!”

“Tell me more about―ngh―how I’m better than your husband.”

“My ex-husband,” Derpy growled. “My stupid lazy cheating whore of an ex-husband!”

“Yeah!” I nod. I thrust faster. My tongue is hanging out of my mouth. “I’m better than him?”

“He’s nothing compared to you!” Derpy declares. She bumps her ass backward, knocking me toward the kitchen’s small island. I’m suddenly squished between the island and her giant round ass, pounding backward into my groin again and again and again. “Ah! Ah! You’re so long and thick compared to his tiny cock! You do me hard and fast, and he never wanted anything to do with me!”

“He’s insane!” I laugh at the light fixture above us. “He’s absolutely crazy! You’re so hot!”

“He always called me stupid!” Derpy grunts. She pulls herself away from me for just a moment.

I watch her like an audience to her acrobatics. She spins around and, to my delight, uses her wings to hover in front of me. She lifts her hind legs up and to the sides, then aims and flies straight downward. My penis plunges inside her. We both shout as she swings back and forth, suspended by her wings.

“You’re a real stallion, Noteworthy!” Derpy says loudly right into my ear. “You’re so nice to me! And you’re so good at sex!”

I grab her little waist and pull her as close to my body as our pelvises allow. She squeaks in delight as I use my forelegs to swing her quickly back and forth, in and out, plowing her mid-air, burying my dick in her dripping pussy while her legs spasm around my ribcage.

“This feels so good, Derpy,” I tell her. “This feels so good for me.”

“It feels ammmaaaazing! Oh! Oh! Oh!” Each shout gets higher pitched. “Oh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, Noteworthy, I’m gonna―I’m gonna―!”

“Me too!”

We moan. We shout. We cum. I wrap my forelegs around her back and hold her close to me. Her entire body is shaking. My penis is spraying into her womb. We quiver and yell into each other’s necks until the orgasms level out, and we drop together onto my kitchen floor.

“Yes… yes… yes…” Derpy keeps saying into my coat.

“That was incredible, Derpy,” I whisper. “That felt so good. I’m sorry I came inside you.”

“It’s okay,” she says, stroking the back of my mane with both hooves. “It’s okay. I can’t have any more kids. It’s fine. It was perfect.” She kisses me below the ear. “Let’s do it again.”

“Yeah,” I say. I’m nodding fast. “Yeah, whenever you want. You’re incredible. I love your wings.”

She giggles and wraps the grey appendages around the both of us. I make a high pitched squeak and bathe in the sensation for as long as I can.

“Would you ever… run away with me?” I surprise myself with the question.

Derpy laughs again. “What?”

“Would you ever leave Ponyville? Just move away to somewhere else. I dunno, Manehattan?”

Derpy laughs and shakes her head. “Ponyville is my home, Noteworthy. I want to raise my daughter here.”

“Of course. Of course, I’m sorry.” I swallow air.

“We could… um…” She sits back enough for me to see her face and tucks her mane behind an ear. “We could maybe go on a date sometime, though. Right here.”

I smile sadly. “I would really love to, Derpy.”

Her uneven eyes grow wide. “Y-y-you would?”

“Yes.” I touch her chin. “But I can’t.”

Her sad frown hits me hard. “Oh…”

“Not for any of the reasons that you’re thinking,” I say. “I don’t care about your eyes. I think you’re so attractive. And I don’t care that you have a daughter. I’d love to get to know her, actually.”

She looks away, toward the front door, toward her discarded uniform. “But… there’s somepony else, isn’t there?”

I put on a steely expression and shake my head. “No, Derpy. There’s no one else.”

She gapes at me. “Then… what is it?”

I shrug. “I’m afraid.”

She leans closer. “Afraid? Of what?”

“Hurting you.” I push my mouth to one side. “Becoming another ex.”

“Oh, no, no, Noteworthy.” She hugs me tightly. “I made a mistake with my ex-husband. I knew it from the start. You’re nothing like him. You’re so sweet.”

“So I’ve been told.” I clench my jaw. “I’m not that great, Derpy. I’m not worth your time. You said yourself, you’re a busy mare, and I’d just get in the way.”

“Don’t say that.” She smiles at me. “You make me happy.”

I smile back. “Thank you.”

“Just… just think about it, okay?” She gets to her hooves. “Whew! Heh… I’m shaking.”

I stand up, too, and help her out of the kitchen. “You wanna clean up?”

“Nah, I’ll fly through a cloud or two before my next deliveries.” She puts on her uniform while I fetch her hat. “Will you… er, I mean, if you wanna think about it, y’know, going on a date sometime, will you, um… let me know?”

I nod once. “I promise, Derpy. I’ll think about it.”

Her wings flutter. She sticks out her chest, beaming once again. “Good. That’s really good.”

I drop the hat on her head. She giggles, straightens it, and kisses me on the cheek.

“Bye, Noteworthy.”

“Bye, Derpy.” I stroke her mane. “Thank you very much for the special delivery.”

Derpy tries to wink at me. At least, I think she does. And then she opens my front door and flies away.

I watch her soar up into the sky and burst through a fluffy white cloud. Her wings briefly shimmer in the sunrise, and a shiver goes down my spine. I back up into my empty house and slowly close the door.

Run away with me? What was I thinking? Neither of us would be happy. Derpy is adorable and sexy and really exciting, but… I don’t think we’d get along beyond the bedroom.

I had hardly lied to her. I don’t mind her eyes, or that she has a daughter. I have a thing for wings, too. But she’s quite a few years older than me, and she’s a hard worker. I’m still living off of what my parents gave me. I don’t much like to work, but I also don’t buy much. I can live like this for years to come.

I’m not sure Derpy would like that about me. Nor would I particularly like raising her child. I know, it’s shallow and petty, but it’s true. And if I’m going to be honest with anyone, I might as well be honest with myself.

I tisk at myself and return to the kitchen for some breakfast. I nearly slip in a puddle of Derpy right in front of the stove. It makes me laugh more than anything, and I clean it up without complaint.

Wings. Maybe it’s just the wings. Her mane is nice, too. And that plot… wow, there’s the real kicker. I never thought of myself as much of a plot guy, but sweet Celestia, does that mare have a plot. I closed my eyes and imagined it bumping against my belly. It was enough to give me chills.

I’m a better lover than her ex-husband. She thinks I’m good at sex. It’s hard to know if she’s right; I refrain from asking any of my mares. Twilight wouldn’t know. Rarity probably wouldn’t tell me. Cheerilee had mentioned a past lover once, but they never explored her real desires.

Going through a list like this makes me think of someone in particular. I groan as a fresh wave of guilt washes over me. I stare at my kitchen and feel my stomach rumble. There isn’t much food here anyway. I might as well―

No! That’s going too far. I can ignore this. I can push it aside like her beautiful face. Nothing about this line of thought is exciting or intriguing to me. I will feel nothing but guilt, disgust, and fear of being caught. It’s a worthless venture; the costs outweigh the almost nonexistent benefits by a hundred times.

I open a cupboard… and close it immediately. Next thing I know I’m on my way to Sugarcube Corner. I’m lucky they’re open for breakfast on Sundays.

I guess I was right: I only have enough willpower to keep one mare out of my mind.