Irony's Tale

I know how long this trip is going to be, nearly fourteen hours of driving. We’ve made it through Illinois and into Indiana. The sun is rising, and traffic is starting to become an issue. Though a quick glance at Moon Shadow tells me her horn is still lit. We aren’t worth noticing, especially to the local police. Mindy is snoozing in the back with Soarin, who had insisted he join us in this. I note a Pilot travel center near Gary, Indiana, and I glance down at my gas gauge. Frowning, I reach out a finger and tap the plastic. The needle stays pegged on full. We’ve been running full bore for over two hundred miles. I would expect us be down to a quarter tank or less.

“Looks like we’ve got an electrical fault.” I murmur softly, “We need fuel.” I ease off the accelerator in preparation to take the exit.

Moon Shadow giggles, “No, your gauge isn’t lying to you.”

That almost gets me to crash as I come up on a minivan doing the speed limit. I gasp and pull the car around the much slower vehicle. A glance in the rear view mirror shows that the driver of the other vehicle didn’t even respond. That spell is quite effective. I glance over at Moon Shadow, “How?”

She glances at a pickup truck as we pass it doing nearly double it’s speed. “We can’t slow down, we can’t stop unless we absolutely have to. So, I’m making sure the fuel tank is full.”

I frown, “How?”

She gestures to the econobox sedan I shift over to avoid, “Quick use of teleportation.”

I pass a semi on the shoulder, two other cars are in the other lane. Passing the semi, I pull back onto the road surface, “I’m gonna need new tires after this.” I growl softly to myself, then louder, “You are stealing the gas?”

Moon leans back, looking supremely uncomfortable, “Irony. You know I wouldn’t do this normally. We risked quite a bit every stop we’ve made up to now, but Discord is in DC. We have to stop him. The sooner we get there, the less lives at risk.”

“But it’s stealing.”

Moon sighs, “I know it is, I’m not taking from any tank less than half full, and I’m only taking a cup or two at a time. I’d leave cash in their car to compensate, but I don’t have any on me. We need to get to DC as soon as possible.”

I focus fully on the road, a work truck is towing a trailer with a skid steer on it, I glance to the side and shift lanes to pass it like it’s standing still, “I still don’t like it.”

“I don’t either. But I see the need.”

Lightning Dust pops her head up from snuggling with her brother, “If we stay here, we’ll have to get accepted. Right now, humans would freak seeing you fueling your car.” She frowns, “With that cool spell you’ve got, they won’t notice you. But we need to be accepted, or we need to all go to Equestria.”

I glance at the pegasus in my rear-view mirror. “Accepted…we are so different from them. How will they ever accept us?”

Moon looks back at Dust, “They were able to accept bronies, different religions can live in peace, sometimes. It takes time for the cooler heads to prevail. And it’s never going to be perfect.” She floats up her phone, “The world is falling apart right now, Dust. Mindy said Discord is behind it, and I believe her. He thrives on his namesake, even the guard thought he was reformed after Fluttershy and the Elements worked on him. But then he did all of that to us.” She looks at the phone a long moment, then sets it down. “The Elements are back in Equestria. And the bearers are here. This isn’t Discord we are going to, but a shadow, a fragment, of him. Maybe he’s not as powerful as he was in Equestria. We might be able to banish him, or turn him to stone. I may not have been a guard, but as Luna’s apprentice, I was taught some really strong magic.”

“Magic that you don’t fully remember.” I remind her.

“I know that. But we have to confront him. We have to stop him from continuing on with this. Maybe we can persuade him?”

Dust slams a hoof into the seat, “Persuade the Lord of Chaos from doing what makes him who he is? I don’t see that happening. We have to defeat him.”

I shift lanes, one of those fully electric vehicles is tooling along just above the speed limit, I nearly blow it’s doors off. “Wouldn’t it be nice if we were able to end this with a simple conversation?”

Moon sighs, “I wish that were possible.”

Mindy yawns and stretches, blinking her eyes as she looks around, “I’m hungry. We have any food?”

I glance in the rear-view mirror again, “There’s MRE’s in a duffel in the back. I like keeping a week or more of supplies in the trunk. Non perishable so we don’t have to worry.” Again, I lift a booted hoof off the accelerator.

“Oh, don’t worry.” Mindy says with a giggle, and with a pop, my bugout duffel is sitting before her. I slam my hoof back down on the accelerator, one side effect of the not being noticed spell, I have to actively avoid someone who has no idea that I’m there. With the moderate traffic going on right now, it makes me glad I’ve missed rush hour in the Chicago metro area.

“Oh, come on!” Mindy shouts, several silvered bags suspended in her magic, “Shredded Barbeque Beef? Chicken with egg noodles, maple pork sausage patty, Rib shaped BBQ pork patty? Is there anything here edible?”

“I’ll take the chicken with egg noodles.” Soarin says, only to get the bag thrown at him. He chuckles as he rips into the bag.

“The pork BBQ sounds good to me.” Dust chimes in.

“ARGH!” Mindy shouts as another bag is tossed at Dust. The turquois pegasus grins smugly as she tears into her own.

Moon Shadow floats one in front of her, “Cheese Tortellini in Tomato sauce.” She glances back at Mindy, “We have exactly one vegetarian option.”

I duck my head, “Sorry, I packed that when I was human.”

Moon leans her head against my shoulder, “No worries, love. There is more than just the entrée in each of these. The pegasi can stuff themselves on the rest.”

“Beef? No thanks.” Dust says through a mouthful of her meal.

That gets a laugh from me. Out of the corner of my eye, Moon’s magic has torn open the MRE, a stack of crackers are floating in her magic, she brings out some peanut butter and smears it on the crackers, Mindy is pouring black beans on a couple of tortillas and spreading the cheese sauce on them. Her face intent as she works, finally she takes a bite. A tap on my lip has me opening my mouth. As I close it, a crunch and my tongue is greeted with creamy peanut butter. I chew happily, looking over at Moon. She takes a delicate bite of a cheese tortellini, keeping an eye on me, “We are going to have to stop, but this will delay stopping as long as possible.”

***

The pegasus lands on the roof of the apartment building. He takes a moment to fold his wings, he’s not the fastest flyer, but a quick nap on a cloud that was drifting in his direction did make life easier. He checks his small pack, and pulls out a bottle of water. Still not adept with his hooves, he rips the top off the bottle with his teeth. A few quick gulps has the bottle empty. He trots to the access door, thankfully it’s unlocked. Though given his email conversations, that’s to be expected. He stops for a moment, stairs. Going up is easy as a quadruped, but going down them is another story. He half extends his wings, more for balance than anything else. His unshod hooves clop down the concrete stairs slowly, worrying that he’ll tumble head first down to the landing. He makes the first landing, then a second. Glancing at the door, it opens inward. He groans as he wraps his lips around the stainless steel of the door, a quick turn of the head has the door unlatched. He backs up slowly to open the door, then he quickly slips through before the heavy fire door can close on him. He flaps his wings slowly, keeping his hoof falls on the floor as quiet as possible. Soon he’s at his destination. A quick glance side to side and he brings up a hoof. Three quick raps on the door later, his ears pick up the clop of hooves inside.

“Who’s there?”

“A friend.”

“How do we know you are a friend.”

The pegasus grins, “Because we’ve talked on mic, you know me. Let me in before some curious human sees me.”

The thunk of a dead bolt is music to the pegasus’ ears. After a moment, the door opens, and a pale blue face with a green and blue mane pokes it’s head out. Cerise eyes stare into purple. She smiles, “It’s you.”

“Of course!”

The mare opens the door further, “Hurry up, get inside.”

***

Moon has been driving for the last couple of hours, I’ve curled up in the back seat. Dust has a wing over me, and Soarin is up front with Moon. Moon has insisted we get some sleep. We’ve been lucky, the parts in addition to the entrees in the MRE’s have us feeling okay. I feel a small twinge in my stomach, but not enough to worry. This could get rough, and going in without eating at all would be almost as bad as going into a fight with an overfull stomach. The only stop we’ve made was around the back of a convenience store with several gallons of water appearing in the car and Dust providing a few twenties from the ATM to pay for them. She grumbles about overpaying for water every once in a while. Then she takes a big gulp and calms down. It’s been a long day, and getting through the nightmare that is the DC beltway has been a source of stress. I feel the pegasus mare against my back, why is she so important to me in the short time I’ve known her? I remember Moon from Equestria, and as a human before we turned, she was just as important to me. I understand why Moon and I are a thing. But why is Dust a thing for both of us?

“We’re getting close.” Moon says softly, herding the car through a turn on the narrow streets. The US Congress has an office building for their staff. There’s an underground garage for parking. But we don’t want to risk the security endemic to such parking. The members of our government park their vehicles there. Capitol police patrol them pretty thoroughly, and cameras likely abound.

I point a hoof, “There.”

She nods and pulls the car adroitly into a space on Constitution avenue. As a former Marine when I was human. I remember that document, what it meant to me. And finding that Discord, even if it’s a shadow of him, is trying to become the chief executive of this nation. I find a seething rage roiling in my mind at that thought. That document is about order and prosperity and freedom. He is about the exact opposite. I may not agree with the man currently in the White House on everything, though he was quite decent to us when he visited. Discord is a million times worse. As the engine ceases it’s grumbling, Moon pops both doors and I stride around to the trunk.

Inserting the key and turning has the trunk open, I pull out my duffel bag with my armor, then I stop. That project, that I couldn’t leave behind, I glance over at the turquois pegasus curiously looking around.

“Dust.”

She turns and looks as I bring it out, "I made this, before I even met you. I didn't know it was for you until I saw you in action. There is no pony I know that can use this effectively, but you, Dust."

She frowns as she moves forward, I kneel and present them, a flick of the hoof moves the cloth covering. I do get to see her eyes go wide.

Soarin whistles softly, "Oh my Celestia, Irony. You made Dust a set of wingblades.”

After a bit, I help the pegasus put on the blades, and just as I suspected, they were a perfect fit. Though I’m a bit distracted as Moon puts on her armor, Iron Man style, everything flying around her and attaching in a cloud of her magic. Quite quickly, we are ready to go, with Moon doing the same for me with my armor. I glance at the firearms in the trunk. They won’t help against magic. At least not against Discord. I nod to Moon, who lights her horn and suddenly we aren’t worth noticing. The sun has just set, so it’s time to move. I lead the way, it’s a quick walk to the entrance to the Old Executive Office building. The large building has cameras and security at the entrance. Moon and Mindy work together to open the front door. I glance at the guards in the lobby, they seem to be tense, but even looking at us doesn’t get them to recognize anything is amiss. Mindy taps the elevator button and the ding of the elevator gets a curious guard to poke his head in our direction. Not seeing anything interesting has him turning back quickly.

I breathe deeply as the doors shut, looking at Moon, “That could have been a shit show. You see what they were armed with?”

Moon nods, “They take security seriously here.”

The ding of the elevator reaching the floor galvanizes me. We are about to confront the contender for the US Presidency, who is likely a shadow of the Lord of Chaos. I take the gibbering fear and shove it down deep. We’ve lost to him once, that’s why we are here. My memory of him banishing me runs through my head, suppressing my shudder, I watch the fur along Dust’s back rise. She’s having the same thoughts I am. I hope this doesn’t go too bad. Moon leads the way, her magic opening the door to the outer office. The young man working at a desk looks up at the door opening. He adjusts his glasses as his eyes slide right off of us. I grin as we head towards the inner office. I put my hand on the door handle as Moon drops the cloaking spell. His reaction is priceless, his eyes bulge as he flinches back. I growl, “We need to have a few words with your boss.” He nods silently, not really understanding what’s going on.

Walking in, it’s a normal office. Plush carpeting, a big desk, guest chairs on our side, and the fading light from the windows frames a chair, which slowly turns around. Corddis looks entirely normal, in a dark blue pinstripe suit. He glances at me, “Well Irony. You were the first to be banished. Interesting to see you here.”

“I knew it.” I growl.

He rolls his eyes, “You think I would send you ponies here without making your lives difficult? I know of your little group in Iowa. Some of the humans required a minor push. The gate will be destroyed, and you ponies will be stranded here. No matter what you do.”

I can feel Dust talking but cannot hear her words. A glance has Moon talking, so is Soarin. Is Discord messing with our perspectives? I take a step forward, “The ponies will stop you. Here, and in Equestria.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” He says with a rich laugh. “Unless you know how to stop a stealth aircraft.”

I blanch a bit, then I take a step forward, “We will defeat you, no matter what your tricks are.”

He smiles, “I’ve only begun my tricks, Shieldbreaker.”