Irony's Tale

To say Phoebe Wright is in a bit of a pickle is an understatement. She’s on her layover in New York, her five on, two off, run spending alternating nights in New York and London, now she has two nights off in the USA to try to relax. As if relaxing was an option, it wasn’t the fact that her hair is turning green, and not just some flat dark green or simple dye job green, but this was a two-tone green with streaks all throughout her hair.

Normally she’d kept her hair short and neat for most of her life, all women were required to have their hair pulled back in a bun, and it’s now growing well outside British Airways regulations for flight attendants. She’d already called dispatch, letting them know that she’s sick.

With that outbreak of that stupid virus a few months ago, employers, especially airlines are super skittish when it comes to someone saying they are feeling sick. Even the tail she that had sprouted in her sleep had not overwhelmed her really, she understood what was happening. Ponies are happening…to her!

No, the real problem is her dreams. On her flight to JFK, she was in her jump seat during some turbulence and suddenly she was elsewhere. She remembered flying, with a sister. They were scared, almost too scared to think.

“Five score divided by four,” She says softly before shivering and giving her head a vigorous shake. “Why those words so scary? What do they even mean?” She puffs out her cheeks, “And for that matter, I don’t even have a sister.” She closes her eyes, trying to call up the memory of that dream. But all she gets is that voice, causing another shiver down her spine.

She smacks her lips deciding on something to calm her nerves, yeah, some tea would be a great thing right now, a nice chamomile would be perfect. She rotates out of the bed. Then she looks down and lets out a loud yelp.

A matter of seconds later, there is a knock at her door. “Miss…miss, are you okay?”

Trembling with the shock setting in, Phoebe tries to put weight on her new feet, errr, hooves. The plush carpet of her hotel room providing good traction. Most of her legs are still normal or at least work normal to a point, allowing her to totter over to the door and wrenches it open. Looking out see sees a human standing there, then as if everything in her world just scattered all at once, she falls forwards, tears flowing down her face, “Why is this happening to me?” She whimpers before beginning to cry uncontrollably.

“Whoa there,” He grunts in surprise as he catches her, his white shirt getting stained from the woman’s tears. Gently he strokes her mane one holding her, looking around, then looking down with a soft sigh, “Its ok, hush, you’re just turning into a pony. You’re safe.”

Phoebe sniffles. “A pony? What? How?”

He helps her balance back on her hooves. “It’s hard to explain, I’m not totally sure myself but, my niece went through the change a couple of months ago.” With a soft sigh he closes his eyes shaking his head gently, “She went back to Equestria, though and I haven’t seen her since.” He puts his hands on her shoulders helping her stand up. “Do you have family? Someone you can call?”

She nods. “My mum is back home in Manchester, but that’s a seven hour flight.” She wipes her eyes.

The man looks at his companions, another woman of the same age as him. They both look to be in their mid-fifties with another man that’s about her age if not a bit older than her. “If you need someone to talk to, some support, we helped Jennifer through her change. If you need something, anything, we are just down the hall there.” He points. “Room 1405. We were just walking by when we heard you cry out, scared the dickens out of my wife here.”

Phoebe nods sniffling and mumbles softly, “I’m sorry. Thank you, though.” She blinks a few times. “I kind of had training on this for my job, but I never thought…”

“That you’d encounter anyone like it? Or that something like this could ever happen to you?” The man says gently.

She shakes her head slowly, “When I first heard about it, I thought it was some Hasbro April-fools joke.”

He motions into her room, “You call your mom, let her know what’s going on. If you want, we can sit with you for a bit till you get a hold of her. If not, just tap on our door, okay?”

“I…” She takes a deep breath then nods again. “Thank you, mister…”

“Holcomb, Glen Holcomb.”

She smiles as she takes a step back. “Thank you again.” She murmurs as she closes the door.

Turning she looks at her phone sitting on the bed where she had discarded it. She hadn’t even bothered charging it yet, first to tired, then to distracted to do so. Carefully, almost experimentally, she takes a few steps forward before she moves over and sits on the bed.

Her British Airways crew training on the whole pony thing came to the forefront of her mind. Stay calm, it’s not contagious, keep the passenger and other passengers calm. If necessary, isolate the passenger to prevent panic but keep emotional support people near them, do not administer drugs or alcohol, do not treat this as an aircraft emergency situation or divert the aircraft. Advise port authorities on arrival of the situation. Do not disembark or force a passenger a pony into any country that is or could be deemed unsafe for them.

Taking a deep breath she looks around and nods, “Isolated, check, no drugs, check. Port authorities, ok.” Picking up her phone she’s dialed a number at JFK. And after being bounced around a few departments she finally hears a new voice. “Immigration and Customs authority.”

“Hello, yes…I,” Stopping for a moment Phoebe took a deep breath, “i’d like to report turning into a pony.”

Silence on the other end of the line. Finally, the other person clears their throat. “Okay, is this a joke?”

Phoebe gulps then exhales, “No, I’m a British national on US Soil. A British Airways employee, we were told that arriving off international flights, we’d have to call port authorities if a passenger or crew member started turning into a…” She looks down at her hooves. “Well, a pony.”

“I understand, one moment please,” And a click. Phoebe blinked a few times then pulled her phone away to look at the screen before putting it back to her ear, no they didn’t hang up. She huffs and leans back picking up a pillow to hug as she puts her hooves up on the bed. She stares at them for a long moment, then brings a leg up. They look kind of small, she squints as she watches the line of fur, it’s above her ankles, and is slowly working up towards her knees. She’d always been good about shaving her legs, wearing skirts most of the time at work means she wanted to keep up appearances. But now, she doesn’t have hair, she has fur! She suppresses the urge to whine.

“Miss? Miss, are you there?”

Phoebe clicks the phone over to speaker, setting it down on the table by the bed, “Yes, I’m here.”

“Okay, Sorry about the confusion a moment ago. We do have to deal with prank callers from time to time here. Faked calls, false reports. You understand.” Clearing their throat, “But we do have directives from DHS when it comes to dealing with foreigners arriving and turning pony.” She can hear papers being shifted. “It’s been fairly quiet recently, no real new ones in several weeks. But I am finding a few recent ones. Ok here we go, first, can you describe your cutie mark? It’s likely the first thing that appeared.”

“Cutie mark?”

“Yes, it would show up on your upper thigh, just under your hip. It’s usually some sort of picture, or symbol. Stars, or a star cluster, compass, an item like a book, fishing rod or such.”

Phoebe looks down at her thigh. “No, no mark.”

“Okay, that is unusual, but not unprecedented. Do you have feathers on your head or mane and tail? And what color are they?”

“Well, I’ve got hooves were my feet should be, and a mane, it’s sort of a two toned green.”

“Okay, so equine for sure, likely pony, dark or light?”

“Oh, somewhat of a lime color and a much lighter color.”

“Have you umm, ok this question is a little hard but, have you changed or started to change genders?”

“What?” Phoebe almost screams into the phone.

“Well, it seems like the birth ratio back in Equestria is heavily skewed towards female, so a lot of men have turned into mares.”

“Well, I’m already a girl, so I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

That gets a chuckle. “Okay. How about coat color? It usually starts with ears, then the legs start turning into hooves.”

“Ears?” She reaches up and her eyes widen. “I’ve got pony ears? How did I not notice before?”

“What color are they?”

She glances down at the fur that’s up to mid-calf on her. “Yellow, a light, buttery yellow.”

“Hmmm, ok now that’s odd.”

“What’s odd? At this point I don’t think I could handle much more odd here.” She fights to keep her voice level.

“Well, yellow coat with green two-toned mane and tail, along with no cutie mark. Sounds like something happening in Los Angeles. We got a report from American Airlines in their reporting. A flight attendant for American Airlines is turning into a pony as well.” There is a pause for a long moment. “I really shouldn’t be telling you all this, for privacy concerns. But it just seemed odd, two flight attendant’s, birthday is one day off, but that can account for being born across the pond from each other, but the same coloring and both not having cutie marks.”

Phoebe’s eyes widen. “Barley!”

***

“Kerfuffle.” Nuan says softly. She’s back in her hotel room, Joel had sent them back so he could get ready. Of course, Charged has decided to take a bath while Nuan is sitting on her bed, holding her old prosthesis in her hands as the transformation has made it almost to her waist. She’s gratified that she’s remaining a girl, though. Charged had said that watching a penis turn into female parts was kinda traumatizing. Apparently she had been quite pleased with her former member. Though in Nuan’s experience, guys who say they have big packages tend to have normal packages. Though as a human, Nuan hadn’t had all too many lovers, she liked guys, to be sure, but she wasn’t chasing after them the way some of her school mates tended to do. She had always chalked it up to being an amputee, and not really wanting to put herself out because of that.

She looks up at the large mirror on the wall. Half-way between pony and human, she’s got the pony ears, her new eyes, and her body has changed so much, and can’t forget the mane and the tail. But who is she? Is she Nuan, the gifted tech making prosthesis for animals and humans alike? Or is she the pony? She doesn’t remember what she did as a pony! She shakes her head. Is she Nuan? Will she stay Nuan? Or will Kerfuffle take over? And she not even remember her life on this Earth? She suppresses the urge to sob. Will she lose herself in what she becomes? She stands up on her one hoof. Chargie was right, strong legs are her birthright. She hops experimentally, well, until she gets a new leg made, she can get around just fine on just one, or three when the time comes. A quick inspection of her hands shows them entirely normal. Though looking at her middle finger, is the nail a bit wider than it was before?

“Halp!” The muffled shout from the bathroom gets her to look at the door. She stares in horror as she can see what looks like suds seeping out from under the door. Well, it’s time to see how mobile she is on one hoof. She hops once, then twice, she’s getting the hang of it. She doesn’t exactly collapse against the door, more on the door sill. She opens the door to see a wall of suds. Chargie’s eyes are closed as she fumbles with the lever to adjust the water. Then she sees the problem, the lever has somehow broken off, leaving a smooth stump that the earth pony can’t get any purchase on to move.

Kerfuffle yelps as she hops through the suds and lands sideways on the tub. She fumbles herself for a few moments before she’s able to shut down the water. She looks over at Chargie, the poor earth pony looks up at her, eyes red, her coat and tail still covered in shampoo. The large bottle from Nuan’s bags is on its side, top ripped off and the bottle empty. The Earth pony hiccups up a small cloud of bubbles. “I got shampoo in my everywhere.”

***

Harts Fire opens his eyes, he’s slept very well this last night. Though having a pony in bed with him is a good reason he’s so comfortable. He’s got his wing wrapped around her, along with his hooves. The unicorn is peacefully sleeping. He nuzzles Saffron’s cheek gently before withdrawing his wing and shifting to unlimber his other wing, a couple of short flaps has him out of the bed and he hovers over to the floor. He smiles as he lands softly enough that nopony could hear his hooves hitting the wood floor. Though apparently his movements have disturbed one somepony. She stretches a bit and blinks slowly at him. “G’mornin.”

He grins. “And a very good morning to you. Sleep well?”

She nods. “And you were a perfect gentlestallion, thank you Harts.”

“Oh, I’d never take advantage of a beautiful mare, my lady.”

That gets a happy giggle. “You never know, a mare might want to be taken advantage of sometime. Even if she isn’t all that beautiful.” She snorts softly. “Do you have to go take care of the horses?”

“Every day, it’s part of life out here. We have to take care of every creature.” He stops, looking back at her. “And yes, you are quite the beautiful mare.”

She can feel a blush spreading across her face. “Of course, that includes ponies here too.” She looks down at her grumbling tummy. “I guess I can get my own breakfast.”

He nods as he reaches up a hoof to pull the door open. “You know where the food is. We are getting pretty full now, a couple of Equestrian ponies showed up late last night. Until I figure out sleeping arrangements, they are bunking in with the horses.”

“If ponies keep showing up like this, until the portal opens again, we will need to build something.”

“Well, I’m not flush with cash, sadly. I can’t just call contractors and have them build buildings from nothing.”

She shakes her head. “No need there, we are ponies, we are the masters of our world, we can build. You have enough trees on the property, I’m pretty sure we can build something. And you never know, the ponies might have access to some money and supplies we might need.”

He nods. Heaving himself up on his hooves before he lets his wings take over. He loves being in the air, even if it’s just a few feet off the ground. He heads over to the door, the chime of magic resounds and the door opens, he looks back gratefully at Saffron before heading down the hall.

***

Phoebe is sitting in her hotel room, her leg bouncing nervously as she looks at the time on her phone, then the door. The woman from ICE had told her to stay calm, stay put, and relax, as if that was even an option. Her supervisor had said the same thing, though suggested maybe watching some tv to take her mind of things. Well, she’s staying put at least, she knew enough about us programing that she wasn’t interested. Normally, she’d spend a bit of time out in the City, enjoying the great food, window shopping, taking in the night life of the city that never sleeps.

But now she’s stuck in the hotel room, a shoe box layover suit. Drinking New York city water from the tap, asking the office to bring up ice. Ordering food in, at least there’s an app for that. Looking around she was getting a reverse claustrophobic feeling, it had been for the last few hours, as if the room was getting bigger.

With a huff she probes her mouth with a finger, her teeth feel different. A glance at her dinner, a fine rotisserie grilled chicken dish is sitting there, Boston Market had a half chicken with dill potato wedges and greens for a song. She reaches out and grabs a leg pulling it off before she moans softly as she takes a bite of the succulent flesh. Relaxing she closes her eyes savoring the taste trying to forget all else.

Bang Bang Bang

“And then it ended,” Sighing she look at the door and shakes her head, “So much for that attempt at escape.” She looks down at her hooves, she’s lost over twenty centimeters of height. These new legs are shorter than she thought. Sliding off the bed she hits the ground with a soft thud, before she walks slowly to the door and opens it.

“I’m just trying to get some peace; I really wasn’t expecting any…” She stops as she looks at the figure before her door. “Pony?”

The white pony with the light blue mane ruffles her wings. “Well, at least you are getting the lingo quickly. That’s gonna make life easier for you.”

Phoebe takes a few steps back before stumbling, falling back onto her butt as her legs don’t seem to like to reverse right this moment. “Ow… I… Sorry, I didn’t…”

“You didn’t expect to see a pony showing up at your door, let alone one in a wonderbolt like uniform. Hi, I’m White Lightning.” The Pegasus says holding out a hoof, before tilting her head, “Well, Colonel White Lightning of the US Airforce five hundred twentieth Air Police. Our job is to police the pegasi in the sky, train them on the rules of flight in the United States.” She glances over at the plate, her nose flaring as she inhales, her eyes slowly closing as her ears fall side to side. “And it looks like I’ve got a pegasus on my hooves. We’ll get you trained up pretty quickly.”

“What? How? I don’t know.”

White Lightning cocks her head to the side. “First off, unicorns and earth ponies really don’t like any meat. They say that meat tastes awful to them, like it’s been spoiled and then left out in the sun for a week. Pegasi like meat, chicken, some wild game, fish, and such. Second, you chose a career where you spend most of your time in the air. That’s very much a speedster pegasus thing as humans. Even some non-speedsters were drawn to such jobs.” She looks side to side. “I’m sorry, but I’m in a bit of a hurry, but we’ve got a few things going on ourselves when it comes to ponies not in uniformed service at the moment.” She smiles. “But you don’t have a cutie mark, and you are a bit short. So I’m going to assume you were a foal when Discord got you.” She looks back at the door. “I got briefed before coming here. Apparently a relative of yours, back in Equestria, was taken at the same time. And is in Los Angeles right now.”

“I don’t remember all that much, I remember the creature, Five Score…” She stops as a wing is placed gently on her lips.

“I know the term. We all do. That same horrible feeling crawls down our spines when that is said.” She shudders in remembrance. “But we don’t need to worry about all of that. I’ve talked to ICE, and American Airlines as well as your boss at British Airways. You are on administrative leave until things are figured out with this pony issue. They are extending paying for your room at the behest of the US government. But I would think you would want to see if you can find your…” She looks unsure. “Sister? Sorry, Barley could go anyway when it comes to pony names.”

“I remember Barley being my sister, yes.”

White Lightning nods. “Well, as luck would have it. We have to get a group of ponies across the nation today. So, would you like to come? We can get some locals of the 520th to see about helping you find Barley.” She glances around. “Would it take you long to get packed up?”

Phoebe looks around. She walks slowly over to her bag, she hasn’t really unpacked. She reaches over next to the bed and pulls her phone charger from the plug and places her tablet in its slot in her bag. Only seconds has her ready to go. “I’m totally changing forms. I don’t think I need clothes.”

“Well, yeah, most ponies do go naked most of the time. Though I like the uniform we’ve got as part of the 520th.” She puffs out her chest a bit. “But the others will be heading to the airport in DC. I’ve got a car waiting downstairs.”

“Wait a moment. DC? Can’t we just catch a flight out of JFK? Or LaGuardia?”

White Lightning shakes her head. “Nope, we are taking Pony Air.”

***

The US Air Force Sergeant driving the USAF police car must have been an Indy driver in a previous life, the need for speed, seemed to be possess more then just navy pilots. What should have normally been a four hour drive, they’d made it, at White Lightning’s insistence, in a shade under three. Official plates can be very helpful at times, as can the top lights. They turn onto the tarmac at Joint Base Andrews and slam to a stop before a small VIP transport aircraft, a civilian style business jet, wrapped in USAF colors with the US Flag on the tail. Stepping out of the car Phoebe follows White Lightning as they head towards the plane. “Why do pegasi need airplanes?”

White Lightning looks over her shoulder. “The 520th is made up of humans and ponies, and not all pegasi are speedsters or endurance flyers. Our officers need to cover airports and no fly zones across the country, as such it’s a lot faster to have ponies take air transport to get where they need to than fly themselves. At the same time, there are also non-pegasi who need to get around. Pony Air was created to help ponies move safely, especially for those without actual ID.” She leads Phoebe into the plane. “Okay, everyone, this is Phoebe, she thinks her pony name is Pickle, but that’s all she remembers.” She gestures. “This is Fleur with OSI, Goldie with CID, and Anthony OSI.”

Blinking, Phoebe looks up at Fleur, then Goldie confused, “OSI? CID?”

Anthony chuckles, “Sorry, its kind of like NCIS like the TV show, NCIS is navy, OSI is air force cops, CID is army cops.”

Phoebe blinks a few times looking at Goldie in shock, “I can’t believe it. That show…it was real?”

“Well sort of, NCIS, is based on a real department…” Anthony started before Fleur hits the back of his head with her hoof lightly.

“She meant My Little Ponies,” Fleur says giving her head a shake.

“I’ve only watched a couple of episodes.” She points to Goldie. “But I saw you in it.” She walks over and climbs into the seat. “This is really happening?”

White Lightning huffs, “Come on, I’m in the opening credits…”

Anthony blinks then smiles innocently, “Really? I must have missed that, I guess I need to watch the show more closely.”
White Lightning hops up in the seat next to Phoebe and glares at Anthony, “Yeah, I got to know a lot of these ponies before I changed. So, it wasn’t such a shock to me. Plus, Lightning Dust was super helpful during my change.”

Phoebe suppresses sobs, but that doesn’t stop the tears from flowing. “I remember her, from that episode where Dash became a Wonderbolt.”

“The same.” She looks around. “Okay, we need to buckle up.”

The door to the cockpit opens and out steps a human. He stops and blinks at Phoebe a couple of times before grabbing the mic. "Hello my little ponies, more emphasis on the little part to some, more than others. And welcome to pony air. The Air Force is more than happy to fly you nation-wide for the mere cost of paying your taxes. And you wonder why a toilet seat costs $50,000."

"In the side pouches of your seats you will find a questionnaire on how you enjoyed your service, and recommendations for the USAF. I am sure some General somewhere will be very happy to know they were filled out, though the actually forms may never make it past some corporal in a basement office."

"Meals today are provided by the US Army Quartermaster's, and comprise of MRE-P's, loaded with enough fiber to turn a human’s intestines into a log flume, and bottled water, made somewhere in Texas, I think. In case of emergency, remember to scream and panic before we hit the ground. Provided the plane stays in one piece, the emergency doors are there, there, there, there and there."

He shifts the mic to his other hand. "Since we have several pegasi in the group this flight, the pilot cabin door will remain locked, so we will not be able to hear your comments on how we hit every single air pocket and didn't use a thermal properly. Our bathroom is pony friendly, and if you have any problems, the Sargent here will be more than willing to help."

The pilot turns and re-enters the cockpit, the door clicking as it’s locks. So, apparently, he wasn’t joking all that much. It’s not very long before the plane has gotten clearance and claws its way into the sky. Phoebe sighs softly as the plane reaches cruising altitude. Though White Lighting puffed out a few times when the plane hit rough spots as it climbed. Though the crazy thing was, Phoebe felt…something…was off when the white pegasus started getting nervous. She shakes her head as she unbuckles her seatbelt. She’s thankful for the skirt, though what was mid-thigh when she was at work is almost down to her ankles. She growls a bit as she heads into the bathroom. She had noticed her breasts, which were not much to look at, had disappeared. White Lightning had noticed at the same time, and had folding a wing over her, holding her close while she processed the new information. She actually really enjoyed being held like that. Somehow it felt like her mother was holding her.

She locks the door and looks at herself in the mirror, well, at least she kept her blue eyes, but with the reshaping of her skull, she’s trying to figure out more of what’s going to happen. In a day or so, she’s going to look like those ponies out there, only smaller. She sighs before she unclips her skirt. She sits on the toilet and releases with a sigh. Though as the can feel the stream peter out, her eyes go wide. Not only did it sound different with the stream not heading down, but hitting the front of the bowl, but there seems to be a bit more down there than she was used to. She slowly opens her eyes and looks down.

Her scream gets almost instant knocks on the door, and worried voices filtering through. She staggers to her hooves and unlocks the door before collapsing to the deck. This time, the tears are flowing and she can’t suppress the sobbing.

“Pickle, what’s going on?”

Phoebe lifts her front half a bit and looks at the pony at eye level. “I have a penis!” She sobs.