Irony's Tale

Harts Fire keeps his grumbling under his breath. Changing into a pony has taken away his hands, and while the wings are awesome, magic would be nice from time to time. Especially when it comes to lifting fifty-pound bags of horse feed, opening them without destroying them, and then getting the right amount into each feed trough for his horses. The wings are helpful for some of this, he’d lost enough height with the change. Finished with the feed, he floats slowly over by the entry door and deposits the half-used bag. Turning back, he looks at the two horses he has owned for the last few years. Oliver, his roan gelding, was one he’d ridden quite a bit. High spirited and quick on his feet. Oliver is munching happily away on his feed, teeth crunching through the alfalfa nuggets. There is a bag of them inside the house for Harts. He floats over towards the other occupied stall.

“So, what ya think, Molly?”

He gets a whicker in reply. The horses have pretty much accepted his change, though he won’t be riding Oliver again, he’s not really shaped very well to sit in a saddle, and putting one on the seventeen hand tall horse would be a chore with his current shape. Molly, the dapple mare of his. She always puts a smile on his face, even as a pony now, with her being affectionate, and she was a wonderful dam for the few time’s he’d paid a stud fee for her to be covered. But no foals at the moment for Molly. He drops to the floor and rears up to unlatch her stall and pull the door open.

“Harts?”

The pegasus turns and looks as the door to the barn is slid open and a familiar face is revealed. “Good morning Saffron.” He says agreeably. She slides the door shut behind her and takes a few steps in. Molly takes a few steps out of her stall and stops, snorting a bit at the other pony there. “Easy girl.” He reaches up a wing and pats her on the neck. He looks at Saffron. “She gets a little possessive at times.”

Saffron’s eyebrows rise as she takes a few steps closer. “I was a city girl before all of this. I’ve lived in the DC area my whole life.” She sighs. “Now I’m out in the country. I haven’t heard a siren or a gunshot since I got out here.” She shakes her head, her ears flopping. “I think I like it.” She stops, her eyes bright with tears. She backs away a few steps. “Sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Harts rubs Molly’s cheek for a moment before moving over to Saffron. “I know it’s a bit of a culture shock to be out here. But it’s actually quite nice. The nights offer their own music, if you care to listen.”

That gets a shy smile. “Well, I have listened, and I can hear it. Way different from what I’ve gotten used to.”

The clop of hooves has Hart’s looking over his withers, Molly is working her way closer. “You’ll find living here will give you a new perspective on life. And I think you’ll like it.”

She sighs. “I was a city girl as a pony too, I think. I remember my father and I.” She suppresses a sob at the mention of her father. She takes several deep breaths. “We were in Canterlot, before that we were in Manehattan.” She flicks her ears back and forth. “We cooked, we owned a restaurant. It wasn’t as successful as we wanted, but most of the ponies that did visit really liked our food.” She glances at the horse who is sidling herself closer. “Why is she doing that?”

Harts looks back at Molly. “She’s just came off of a late season, it’s pretty late in the year for heat, and she no longer is in heat. But she is possessive, she might consider you to be a rival.”

“Can she tell I’m a mare?”

“Of course she can, a horse has a very sensitive sense of smell. Definitely better than a human’s, probably a bit better than ours as ponies.” Harts leans his head back and runs his cheek against the large horse’s cheek. “It’s okay, Molly.”

Saffron’s eyes narrow. “I know what you said. But that wasn’t in English.”

Harts thinks for a moment. “I think it was our language, from back home. Some would call it Ponish, some would call it Eponese.”

“I think Eponese works better, a more accurate translation.” She says, then she switches to English. “How do I remember a completely different language?”

That gets a chuckle from the pegasus. “You grew up with one language, then you grew up again with our native language here on this Earth.” He switches to Eponese. “Both are your home language. I wasn’t even aware of switching. But on thinking back, when I’ve been talking to the horses here, I think I’ve been talking our pony native language.”

Saffron turns her head and ends up nose to nose with Molly, who has sidled up directly in front of the unicorn mare. “Do they understand our language?”

Harts carefully takes a few steps away, turning as Molly snorts softly in Saffron’s face. “Not in the same way you or I think. They have a lot of similarities with our ancestors. That I’m certain of based on a lot of things.” He stops, watching the two mares. “Okay, now snort right back at her, a little more forcefully.”

Saffron follows what Harts has said. The larger mare flicks her ears and takes a step back. That gets a smile from the Pegasus. “I think she has accepted you as a breeding mare in the herd now.”

Saffron looks at Harts, then back at Molly, then back at Harts. “I’m not in heat anymore.” She stops for a moment, blinking. “That wasn’t very pleasant, but the other mares had a quick heat right after changing back.”

“I know, I’ve heard. I think it’s your hormones normalizing after the chaos of Discord’s magic fading when you turned twenty-five.” He grins. “I’m glad stallions don’t have to go through that.”

She smirks back at him. “Breeding mare?”

He moves over and rubs his wing along Molly’s withers. “They aren’t as complex as humans or Equestrian ponies. They don’t think in such concepts in general. As a breeding mare, she’s aware that she’s the lead of her own herd, and will act to protect other mares and foals, and will also be possessive of the lead stallion in the herd.”

“Does she consider you part of her herd?”

He nods. “She recognizes me as a caregiver, but she’s also done much the same with me once I turned into a pony. As far as she’s concerned, I belong to her, and she belongs to me.” A whicker from the horse gets his attention. “She’s happy, she’s got food, she’s happy with life right now, I would think.” Molly turns a bit and heads over to her trough.

Saffron watches the horse start to eat, crunching through the alfalfa nuggets. “She is pretty.”

“So are you.”

That gets a snort from the unicorn mare. “Me?” She lowers her head. “No, I’m not. I wasn’t pretty as a human, very few men would give me attention, and most of them simply wanted me to open my legs for their own pleasure.” She sighs. “I’ve looked in the mirror since I changed. I’m okay, I guess. But I’m no Princess Cadance.”

She’s stopped by Harts wing cupping her muzzle and he pulls her head up to where she’s looking directly at him. “I won’t deny that Princess Cadance is a beautiful mare. But you give her a run for her money.”

Saffron blushes. “But with this unmanageable mane, my coloring…”

“It’s beautiful.” Harts says confidently. “You’ll make some stallion or mare happy, and they will do their damndest to make you happy.” He reaches his head forward and nuzzles her cheek. “Anypony with eyes can see, Saffron.”

“I’m damaged. My father…” She stops, tears dropping from her eyes.

“Yes, the one who killed him has been sent on to the next world. He may have died in terror, but he is at peace now. The show didn’t really talk about how we deal with death as ponies.” He stops his ears flicking. “It was a kids show after all. But I have a few memories that have come back.” He leans down to look her in the eyes. “It’s not blink and you are done, you are nothingness. I’m pretty sure Discord proved that by blasting our souls into this world. We have lives, we have a soul. We don’t know for certain what happens to that soul, the Princesses didn’t know for certain themselves. But we continue after these bodies cannot continue. Have faith, your father is truly in a better place.”

She takes a hesitant step forward, then a second as she collapses against him. She still has tears streaming down her face, but she’s not sobbing, she embraces him tightly, getting him to hug her back, bringing his wings into the hug. She rests her chin on his withers. “Thank you, Harts.”

They stay for a bit before… “Molly, what the hell?” Saffron shouts as she springs back from the pegasus.

That gets a chuckle from the pegasus as he pushes the horse’s posterior away. “She wants attention.”

“She peed on us.” Her eyes widen. “She just winked. Doesn’t that mean she’s horny?”

He reaches up a hoof and gently touches the unicorn’s horn. “Well so are you.”

That gets a deeper blush. “I was talking about her wanting sex. I thought she wasn’t in heat.”

“Oh, she’s not.”

The confused look on Saffron’s face gets a bark of a laugh from Harts. “Saffron, humans and ponies aren’t the only ones on this planet to enjoy sex without procreation.”

Saffron’s eyes are wide as she looks at the horse who is waving her tail and winking and at the pegasus, who’s wings are extended a little bit. “Wait a moment.” She shakes her head. “You, and her?”

Harts smile gets a snort from Saffron. “Only since you turned pony?”

Harts shakes his head and his smile widens. Saffron rolls her eyes. “Okay, I’ll go get in the shower. You come inside when you are done.”

***

The hotel room was tiny to say the least. Little more than a single bed, a table with a chair, small TV, and bathroom. The room didn’t even have a kitchenette. It seemed like a rule for airlines, the shorter the layover the better the room. A twelve-hour layover and you get the grand suit in London, a two-day layover and you are in a shoebox.

Melanie sat, her leg bouncing nervously as she waited on the phone before she heard the voice on the other end, “Tina is that you?”

“Melanie? Surprised to hear from you so soon, is there a problem with the hotel room?”

“You guys booked me into a shoebox again, so nope, no problems.” Melanie said, looking up at the mirror in the door. “We had a passenger turning into a pony on the flight.”

“Ouch, well at least they didn’t have to divert.” The woman on the other end said, “I have you on the schedule for a two-day layover, were you thinking of going home instead?”

“I.. no, I need to know, is that pony thing contagious?” Melanie asked.

There was a pause on the other end, then a sigh, “No, Its determined at birth. The passenger was born that way, it’s not something you can catch. You had the training same as all of us.”

“I know but, I didn’t know if I trusted it,” she gulps, “What if they lied to us?”

“They di… wait Melanie, isn’t it your twenty-fifth birthday? Did… you get a cutie mark?” The woman asks quickly.

“I… oh…” Checking, she sighs, “Nope, no mark…it’s just.”

“Just what?”

Looking at herself in the mirror she sighs, “My hair has started turning green. And it’s growing out a lot.

“Oh, but no mark? Green, huh?” Tina says and humms softly, Melanie can hear the clicking of a keyboard.

“What? What’s going on?” Melanie ask, her voice rising in a panic.

“Calm down, breath, and relax. Hang on a sec,” Melanie can hear more typing, then a pause, “Ok I pulled up the help sheet, here’s what we got. No marks could mean griffon, mule, horse, or one of the other races, or a foal, who was cursed before they got their mark. Though since your hair is growing out, I think we can cut out griffon’s, and since it’s green, mules and donkeys in the show have only been shown with dark colored manes. So, I’m guessing we can rule them out. So, likely either a horse from Saddle Arabia, or a foal.”

“Got their mark? How do you get your mark?”

Tina giggles softly, “You’d have to ask a pony on that, apparently it’s something to do with discovering who they really are inside, their purpose or meaning in life, or some metaphorical, metaphysical thing like that, all Zen Buddha stuff, that I have no idea about.”

Melanie whimpers softly, “What am I going to do?”

“Nothing, you are going to wait there quietly. I’m going to get in touch with the airport, see if they can send a pony over to talk to you. I’m taking you off the rotation, and I’ll book Sara in, she’s standby.” Taking a deep breath, Tina continues, “Just relax and try not to freak out too much.”

“Thanks Tina,” Melanie said looking at the mirror again.

“I… I just thought of something.” Tina went on with a humm, “From what I understand these ponies were all cursed by Discord in person, so if the passenger and you changed on the same day, you two might have known each other as ponies, or been in the same area at least when cursed.”

“Really?”

“Well Discord could teleport, but after the first clump he changed, well, I figure he would just be changing small groups as he caught them.” Tina says. “Of course, that could just be me over thinking things and being dumb.”

“Tina,” Melanie sighs, “Aside from the rooms you book for us, you’re never dumb.”

***

The knock on the door breaks Joel from a dead sleep. He blinks a few times, looking around the hotel room. He sits up in the bed. Confusion abounds for a moment before his attention is grabbed by another soft knock at his hotel room door. He grabs his glasses and walks over to the door. “Who is it?”

“Nuan.”

His eyes widen as he pulls open the door. If she didn’t look so pathetic he would have laughed. Seated on Charged Up is Nuan, her lower half is trending towards fully pony, her face and jaw have subtly been reshaped, then her eyes. His own eyes widen. “Nuan, your eyes.”

Hers widen. “What’s wrong with them?” She almost yelps.

He shakes his head. “No, sorry, nothing wrong with them. I’m guessing they’ve gone to your pony coloring. They are this two tone purple, and are utterly adorable!”

“Purple eyes? That’s impossible!”

He steps back to allow them to enter. “Says the woman who is turning into the magical talking pony.” He closes the door behind Charged and follows them to the bed. “I’m sorry, if you had called I would have…” He looks down. “Why did you take out your implant?”

She sniffles. “I didn’t.”

“Wait a moment, your implant was on your right leg.” He looks up at her. “But as a pony, you’ve lost your left?”

She nods. “Well, left rear, since I’ll have four.”

He kneels down for her to get her arms around him, he lifts and helps her onto the bed. Charged shakes her body out then bounces a few times on the spot, “Wow, Thank you! Talk about taking a load off."

With a soft giggle Charged tilts her head, "Don't worry Fuff, you aren’t actually all that heavy, but it’s awkward to carry another pony on your back, that’s for certain. I don't know how Twilight carried spike around so easy.”

“Oh, har har.” She looks up at Joel. “What am I going to do?”

Joel reaches over and grabs his watch from the nightstand. He taps the face to bring up the screen and looks at it for a moment. “Well, in about two hours, we are going to head to the Los Angeles office and get some measuring done. Those legs are certainly a different size and shape from last night. We are going to have to build you a new one.” He smiles at Nuan. “And I know one of the best new fabricators for this design, and we are in luck since she’s just in from the UK office.”

Nuan blushes. “I’m going to be losing my hands soon probably sometime during the day.”

“And we’ll be seeing if you are a unicorn or a pegasus.” Chargie chirps.

Joel ignores the earth pony as he kneels before Nuan. “May I?” At her nod his expert fingers quest around the stump. “Any pain?” He looks up at her.

“No.”

“Good. This seems to be a well healed injury. Ah, ponies knew how to do complex surgeries.”

Chargie leans forward. “What?”

He lifts her stump, smoothing the fur out. “They implanted a fitting in the bone. So, fabrication shouldn’t be all that hard, the joint will have to be made, but I don’t think it’ll be that difficult for someone with your talents, Nuan.

“Is that metric or imperial?”

“Pardon?” Charged says, her ears flicking.

Joel reaches over and touches the earth pony’s cheek. “Some prosthetics are simply screwed into the implanted fitting, and if this is the case, we’d have to determine the thread depth, angle, all that jazz.” He runs his finger along the edge of the metal piece. “But I don’t think this is the case. This looks like you would have an expanding fitting, where you tighten a nut or screw, and the stud expands ever so slightly, with the lip on the outside, it won’t be going anywhere, and removing it would be easier than something that could get corrosion and then be like an old bolt in a car engine, where you have to destroy the implant to get it off.” He looks up at Nuan. “It looks like the ponies knew their stuff when it came to engineering something like this. I’m seriously impressed here.”

“That’s amazing!” Nuan says. She lifts up her stump and feels around the implant. “So, am I going to have to get a new prosthetic.”

Both are distracted by a squeeing giggle from Charged, who had hopped up on the bed behind Nuan. She’s running on the spot causing the entire bed to vibrate. “Fuff! You are getting wings!!!”

***

The knock on the door disturbed Melanie’s rest with a groan, pulling the pillow over her face she huffed, “Go away.”

The knock comes again, “Melanie? Can you come to the door?”

“Who is it?” Melanie says with a half whine, not wanting to move, “Can’t you just leave me alone?”

“It’s Officer Drizzle, I was asked to come see you, to check up on you and see if you need help? You know, just a welfare check.”

“Yeah right, what kind of a name is Drizzle?” Melanie says with a sigh, looking at the clock.

“A pony name, my mom gave it to me.”

“A pony name?” Melanie moans, then she sits up quickly, “Pony?”

“Yes, could you open the door please? I don’t really like talking to doors.”

“Sorry, I just got off a long-haul flight. I’m tired, I’m stressed,” Melanie opened the door, looking side to side before looking down.

“Oh don’t worry, I know the feeling and worse, long haul flights on a cargo plane, through rough weather to boot,” Smiling, the little violet pony with amber mane and tail holds up a small box tied with string, “Happy birthday and happy rebirth days.” She says tilting her head with a giggle.

Leaning to her side a bit Melanie sees a second pony, another pegasus, holding thee boxes balanced on her foreleg keeping back behind drizzle. “Your friend?”

“Oh this? This is the angel of the skies.” Drizzle says, holding her head high with pride as she motions back to the brownish pegasus.

Whimpering, the second one flattens her ears and whines, “Please don’t, my names Jet Streams and no, I’m not an angel.”

“Umm okay. Hi, come on in, there isn’t much space but…” Melanie motions inside for the two ponies in the odd blue and yellow uniforms.

“But we’re little ponies so we can make do,” Drizzle said, trotting in, “Streams brought pizza, including desert pizza.”

“Oh lord, scratch that, she is an angel, I’m actually starved.” Melanie said as she sat down on the chair while the two ponies looked at each other before climbing onto the bed.

Streams cringes and sighs as she sets the boxes on the bed. She opened them up, and ripped the lid off one of the boxes, “We have triple cheese, with caramelized onion, roasted garlic, and mixed peppers here, half plain cheese, half cheese and mushroom, and finally, an apple cinnamon with icing glaze.

Melanie sighs, “No pepperoni or bacon?”

“I didn’t want to risk meats that might make you sick,” Streams says, “Sorry.”

“Jet Streams here is our pizza expert. She loves the stuff since her change.”

“Since before, though I think I was a regular with Pegasus pizza in Cloudsdale too.”

Melanie takes a pair of slices, putting them on the lid and carrying them back to the desk before sitting down. She sighs and shakes her head, “Cloudsdale?”

“Pegasus city in Equestria, built in the clouds, has a weather factory, stores, homes. They show it in the Tv show a few times.” Drizzle says, “Have you seen the show?”

“No, I was too old for it, I was like 15 at the time when the series started,” Melanie said, “At that time was into stuff like The Twilight Saga.”

Drizzle giggles, “Maybe it was the name, Princess Twilight.”

“Nope, cuz I also watched the Hunger Games. TV wise, it was things like Gossip Girls and Pretty Little Liars.”

“Well now, I kinda liked shows like the Ponies, Ride, Mia and Me.” Drizzle says as she has some pizza, “I guess I always like horse shows.”

“How about you? Melanie asks, looking at Streams.

Gulping, Streams flattens her ears, “Umm, I kinda liked anime, animated movies, anything that I could lose myself in. Escape from the world. From reality.”

Drizzle smiles and strokes Streams mane with her wing, “Its okay.” Looking back to Melanie, Drizzle smiles. “Streams had a hard time growing up, she didn’t get along with people, didn’t understand people well, I guess she was always more pony than human.”

“But I’m not,” Melanie says, then shakes her head. Putting her pizza down on the box lid she sighs, “I’m human, I’m supposed to be human, I have a life, a job. This isn’t supposed to happen to me.”

Drizzle pulls her head back, “Sorry, I know it’s hard, but it’s something we’ve all gone through…”

“Just because you’ve changed doesn’t mean you know how I feel, I…” Melanie starts to tear up and looks down, “I don’t know about ponies, I don’t remember anything about them. It’s not who I am.”

Drizzle looks at Streams and sighs, “We don’t know if you’re a pony, but from your mane color I’d say you are. The problem is without a cutie mark we can’t be sure until much further in the change. You are returning to what you were born as, what you were always meant to be. Discord took that away.”

“But I don’t remember, I don’t know anything about being a pony,” Melanie says, “I’m just stressed out and I can’t deal with this. Maybe if I had followed the show or remembered who I am, it would be different.”

Closing her eyes, Streams lowers her head taking a deep breath before starting to sing, “Feel the light.”

Drizzle blinks looking at Streams, the shock in her expression vivid for Melanie to see. “I’ve never heard you sing…”

“Shining like the stars, tonight.” Looking up to Melanie slowly, Streams motions with her wing, “Remember what we forgot, I know it’s a long shot…”

Melanie wipes tears away from her eyes looking at the pegasus, tilting her head.

Streams sits up, her voice carrying a bit louder as her emotions melt into the song, “But we’re bringing your heart back, were bringing them all back…”