Diplomacy is tasty

by Barealot

Ulmug's Second Meal: Rack of Earth Pony with a side of flashbacks

Previous Chapter

"Let me see if I understand you, your highness. You fear your boarders are severely compromised by your unprepared military, and the fact that your vaunted princesses of the sun and moon do not have the power to fight off an invading force. Is this correct?"

The regally dressed Orc was almost dumbfounded by his visitors admission of her countries vulnerable defenses. He even blinked a few times to try and see if this was some kind of dream, and that an alicorn princess wasn't selling out her nation to his people for basically nothing.

"You are indeed correct Lord Bulgrum."

The princess was so self assured however. She sat calmly across the table from him, sipping on a levitating goblet while their revealing conversation took place. She had something up her proverbial sleeve, but the Lord could not see it. He decided to press the issue.

"With this in mind, you came to us, a nation of, as you describe it, the most militarily advanced species on the planet. You even are aware of our specific dietary needs of live meat. You are aware that you're basically handing your Equestria to us on a silver platter, yes? Why would we make a deal with a nation you yourself said we could conquer quite easily? "

He was expecting her to show fear at what he said. In his eyes she had made a grave blunder and had practically gift wrapped her nation into his hands. With his nation going through a famine, all that meat that was ripe for the taking was making him salivate in anticipation. Yet still the Alicorn did not look fazed. In fact she seemed to perk up at his pointing out this obvious fact.

"Do you know what a human is?"

He was perplexed by this change in topic, and it was plainly evident on his face because Twilight took his silence as an opportunity to continue talking. She paced towards the window as she did so, keeping her voice loud and clear for the Orc Lord to hear.

"Humans are a lot like Orcs. They are tall, bipedal, and they have a perchance for meat as well. They are also quite adept at warfare. I know because I got to be one of them a few times now. You notice the more obtuse differences at first, like how hands feel and what walking exclusively on hind legs is like. However its after you leave the body that you discover how their brain's chemistry is fundamentally different from what you are used to. There is a reason why they lean more aggressive than us ponies, they are quite literally wired that way."

"As interesting as this is your highness, I fail to see how this relates."

The purple alicorn rounded on a hoof and gave the orc a broad smile, a hint of humor in her voice as she continued. He had a feeling like he was playing right into her hoof and he wasn't sure if he liked that idea.

"Human's have this intriguing concept in their societies known as 'mutually assured destruction.' Do you know what that means?"

Tension could be felt in the room now. He had a sinking feeling he knew where this was going, but he needed to be sure.

"I know what the individual words mean, but I'm afraid I've never heard of the concept. What is this 'mutually assured destruction?'"

"Glad you asked!" Twilight's horn flared up and summoned up a strange map that hovered above the both of them. It depicted continents and countries he was not familiar with at all. Twilight happily continued her lecture as he stared at the strange topography, letting her words wash over him as she animated the vision before him. "Many of the larger human nations have these things called Weapons of Mass Destruction, or WMD for short. With them, they have the power to wipe out entire countries with a single attack. They are absolutely devastating on the environment as well, making the country inhospitable for a great number of years after the bombardment. If only one of these nations had this power, they would essentially rule the whole world, being able to wipe out any enemy that stood against them. However it isn't just one of these countries that has these WMDs, its many of them. If they were to use a wmd on a nation that was also equipped with them, that nation would fire their nation destroying weapons right back at them, destroying both of these nations in the process. Do you know what the humans do because of this knowledge?"

"I'd imagine they do not use these weapons at all out of a sense of self preservation."

"Exactly! Since these nations understand the threat of mutually assured destruction, they do not use these weapons at all. Rather they keep them for security purposes. Now lets bring this conversation back to our relationship between Ponies and Orcs. While yes, you do indeed have the power to devastate Equestria and enslave us, I'm afraid you would only get to enjoy that victory for a few moments at best."

Twilight took her forehoof and pointed out the window towards the sun hovering high in the sky.

"Do you see the sun?"

"Yes, I do."

"If we were to fall as a nation, our last move would be to aim that sun directly at this planet."

The silence that filled the room was deafening. The casualness of how this pony had told him that their species would bring about an abrupt apocalypse should their nation fall gave even the orcs pause. They were seeing this Alicorn in a whole different light now.

"Thus, we have mutually assured destruction. We have our military might, you have a sun to burn us all alive if we use it against you." The Lord hated saying these words, but at the same time there was a begrudging smile on his face. For prey, these ponies were quite inventive when it came to staying alive.

"Precisely! However I didn't come here to threaten you with fiery death, I came here to help you with your virtual famine! Your people require live, sapient food to eat, and that is not an easy commodity to come by. You have to capture neighboring species, enslave them, then they don't even last that long. Its a messy, inefficient system for feeding your people."

"And you have an answer to this problem?"

"I think with some negotiations we'll be able to come to an agreement that will satisfy the needs of both our nations."


This whole experience had been nothing short of surreal to Applejack. She was slid up closer to the Orc along with Pinkie like a slab of meat, and some pat of her was not actually minding it. She hated the critters attitude towards her person and his utter disregard for her dignity, but at the same time she wanted this strange experience to continue. She was starting to understand where Rainbow was coming from in that regard. Pinkie was laying down next to her, similarly out of breath from the pervasive heat that had only just died down inside of them. Inside of them both right now were racks of fully cooked and marinaded ribs, waiting to be freed from their fleshy confines. Such a fact would have been fatal in any other circumstance, but the combined magical genius of Twilight and Starlight made sure it didn't affect anything too vital.

Both of the earth ponies faces and manes were still covered in liberal amounts of the orc's cum. Applejack was going to wipe it off with her hoof at one point, but she didn't because she seemed to realize the ambassador liked it better if his seed stayed on their faces. He seemed almost proud of himself after he had finished his handiwork, taking pleasure in making sure he got as much of their faces as possible. Right now however, everyone's attentions were squarely on the pink and orange chests displayed before him. He leaned forward to watch the show, his torso pressing into their splayed hind legs as he did so.

Twilight and Starlight gave a tentative nod to eachother before they began.

"Alright Girls, brace yourselves."

The earth ponies clasped eachothers forehoof for support for the new surge of pain that was about to hit. AJ's free hoof flew to her mouth as it began, hissing and squeezing her eyes shut as she felt her skin begin to part. Pinkie was letting out weak yelps as she writhed about, her grimacing face and flattened ears indicating this part was not so fun to her. Ulmug enjoyed how their hind legs and tails wriggled and swished about. Their horned comrades slowly peeled open the flesh of their chests, revealing the delectable ribcages underneath.

The ambassador leaned back a bit and lifted his hands towards the two earth ponies entrances. His fingers freely caressed and toyed with their twitching cunts, mixing pleasure into the agonizing pain they were experiencing. Applejack tried to raise her cum covered face to protest, but the pain in her chest forced her back down and made her grit her teeth in agony.

Then the ribs started to split and splay outwards. Twilight and Starlight had to put noise dampening fields around their friends heads as they squealed out. He worked his hands even further into them during this, enjoying the feel of their vaginal walls constricting around them almost in sync with the other. AJ's legs were fighting between crossing themselves and futilely kicking at the Orc. Her hooves didn't do much to the solid body and face of the ambassador. Though she could buck a tree of its apples, her kicks seemed to dissipate when they came in contact with orc muscles. If anything it just made him smirk a bit more.

Then it was done. All at once the pain stopped as their ribs locked in place in their new unnatural position. Before the orc and his helper ponies was two splayed racks of earth pony. The Ribs stuck out in perfect symmetry with the other side, covered in meat and sauces that were layered onto them as they were cooking. The mares internal organs were covered up by an opaque shield to protect them from the air and dining that was about to take place.

"They're all set Ambassador Ulmug..." Twilight said, panting from the exertion of magic. Starlight was even more haggard from the experience thanks to how much Applejack was writhing about. Ulmug hadn't stopped his assault on the two Earth ponies cunts however. He was now using his whole fist to jack hammer inside them, enough for their soft bodies to vibrate. He had been working his way up to this the whole time they were in pain, and now that relief had come they were reaching their climax at a rapid clip. He seemed to know this, and he signaled for the two horned ponies to release the sound dampening field just as their folds violently clamped down around his wrists and hands.

Now that their faces were visible again, it was clear they were covered in sweat with how matted both of their manes had gotten. Even Applejack was mewling out moans of both pleasure and pain as she road off her climax, soaking the orc with her juices. Pinkie had a dopey expression of joy on her face, her eyes rolled in the back of her head and her ribbed chest heaving in delight from the feeling.

"Princess, your wing please." Nervously the Alicorn walked over to the orc and offered up her wing, blushing slightly as she looked away. As he pulled out one of his hands from the Earth ponies, he wiped their fluids off on Twilights purple features, ruffly feeling around her appendage as he worked to get his hands clean. She could feel herself have a chill at the sensation of her wing getting damp in this debasing way.

"Head down please"

As she bowed her head his second slicked hand went to her mane, using the strands of it to scrub off the mare cum and leave it dampening the alicorns multicolored locks. She wanted to argue with him, appeal to the nice conversations they had during the day, but it would unravel the talks they had already had up until this point. She could not renig on a promise of hers so early on if this negotiations were to work.

"Tell me Twilight, can your horned assistant perform the healing tasks alone once I'm done with my meal?"

"Yes I believe so. You can, right Starlight?"

"I can, but why is he asking?" Starlight had a distinctly nervous tone in her voice.

"Because I'd like to taste test the sauce, and I'd like our princess to lather her horn in it for me to try."

Twilight gulped at this. She knew what this was going to mean. If the Orc wanted too, he could just incapacitate Starlight as well and have his way with all of them. She had to trust that he was willing enough to keep to the codes of their diplomacy deal so far to not abuse it. She did not want to be caught with her proverbial pants down if she could not deliver on the ultimatum. With a deep breath she nodded and smiled at the Orc "Alright, we can do that."

The alicorn moved over to Pinkie's side and looked at the rack of ribs. If it weren't for her spells to keep her from getting sick she probably would have fainted at the sight before her, but for now it was just deeply uncomfortable. Bowing her damp head, Twilight rubbed her horn between two of Pinkie's ribs, causing her to jolt slightly from pain. She played it off with a strained smile though and let Twilight finish getting her horn covered. Still, having the sauces on her most prized extension of herself made the move back to the orc feel so agonizing.

"Excellent, I've been wondering what these taste like."

He toyed with her, probing her horn with his tongue and lips, making her wince and feel creeped out as she forced herself to let him do it without retaliation. Her horn was so sensitive to his touch, it made it very difficult to control her magic. Part of her just wanted him to do it already, while the other part was wishing that he was kidding and that this was just a test of her commitment to the deal. Then the jolt of pain happened, accompanied by the loud crunch of his teeth on horn. Twilight bit her lip hard and squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to sit still. Her wings ruffled with a mind of their own as he took his time, nibbling off a piece of her horn at a time, enjoying the sparks of magic inside of his mouth as he chewed. despite herself she felt tears in her eyes. She managed to just keep them hovering there instead of sliding down her cheek. Soon it was just a stump, which he took pleasure in filing down even further with his rough tongue till she resembled something like a pegasus with an injury on her head. It made her feel so bare. Her magic wouldn't respond to her either, which was deeply anxiety inducing, but she still had to keep her composure. She couldn't let the Orc break her, not this early.

"Both the sauce and the horn were quite tasty. I may have to try that white one's horn tomorrow. Alright Princess, you know what you're supposed to do while I eat. Now miss...Starlight was it?"

"Yes. I'm not on the volunteer list though." Starlight was quite adamant about that point. She wasn't an element of harmony, and that had come quite in handy when this particular situation came along.

"Of course your not. However you ARE Twilight's assistant right now, so while I won't eat you per say, that doesn't mean I cannot order you to do things during my meal."

"What if... I refuse...."

He smirked at that, "you won't. While The princess preoccupies herself with her task, and I indulge in some ribs, you shall remove my shoes and worship my feet for me."

Starlight looked affronted at the notion, but the hornless Twilight shot her a look that said she should and would have to do what he said. It was a look that told Starlight she would be in deep trouble if she messed this up for her mentor. With frustration glowering her features, The unicorn hissed out that she would comply.

The Orc snorted in amusement at her little staring match with her princess and used that time to unbuckle his pants and let them fall his ankles, stopped by his dress shoes before sitting back down on his chair. Starlight could see now that it had a oblong hole in it where his crack and scrotum were made accessible to a now hornless Twilight whom was getting beneath his seat. The "Task" that Twilight had became quite evident. Starlight felt almost relieved to be on foot duty when she watched in both disgust and a bit of awe as Twilight pushed her muzzle up and ran a flinching tongue across the orc's taint, letting it curl into his crack before repeating the motion again. She watched the hornless alicorn shiver at the flavor, involuntarily twitching her entire body and screwing her face up before she made yet another swipe of her tongue into his crack. Starlight couldn't even take her eyes off of Twilight as she absent mindedly unlaced the orc's shoes, her own mouth gaping a bit as she watched twilight take one of his emerald orbs into her mouth and suckle the fleshy sack around it. It wasn't until the orc snapped his fingers in Starlight's face that she sprang back to attention and busied herself with getting his shoes off. She didn't know why she felt so compliant now, but something about Twilight servicing him in this way made her feel less uncomfortable about the idea of licking the orcs feet.

Meanwhile, Ulmug was now finally able to focus his attention on his meal. He slid Applejack closer to him first, enjoying her groggy rebellious expression as she splayed out for him.

"Quit making me wait..." She growled at him with as much energy as she could muster "Finish this so ah can get ta healin already."

He responded by putting his index finger on the nearest rib and slowly moving the cooked piece around, making her voice hitch in pain. Her nerves were still very much in tact, as requested, and it gave him an automatic mute button whenever he desired it. Without another word he leaned in and ran his mouth along the proffered bone, sucking up the meat and sauces at the tip with an amicable sound of enjoyment. The horned ponies had definitely done a good job on this to be sure.

Twilight was fighting her own gag reflex as she continued her long task ahead. For the duration of his meal she was going to have to keep her tongue working into his ass, along his crack, and allow for some time to suck on his ball sack as well. It wasn't part of the original deal, but he was being so pleasant during their talks that she thought giving him some reward perks would be a good call. She regretted that idea now, but there was no going back on it. She could only close her eyes and try not to focus on the salty flavors too much as her tongue continued to probe along the inside of his crack. It wasn't so bad after her taste-buds grew used to the flavor anyway. She ended up finding a rhythm to it, craning her neck and bobbing forward and backwards as she burrowed her tongue between his cheeks and trailed his rectum. She even kinda started to like soaking his sack inside her mouth after the third time doing it.

Starlight meanwhile had managed on finally getting his shoes off. Between the intricate tie they had, her distracting mentor, and the sounds of Applejack's moans, it had been some effort to focus hard enough to get them off. However her effort was rewarded by revealing two very large emerald soles in front of her face. As she settled down on the floor and tucked her legs in for the long haul, these two things took up the bulk of her field of view, alarming her with how much surface area she had to cover with her small tongue. They exuded a strong musk that was both an affront to Starlight's senses as well as strangely alluring. She never knew of something that both made her want to recoil and draw closer, but the huge soles and toes before her seemed to be just that. It took quite a bit of effort, but she managed to work herself up to make a small touch of her tongue on his heel. It caused her to shudder at the taste, but she found herself going for another swipe, longer this time. She hated the harsh flavors it put on her tongue, but at the same time it felt somehow pleasant to feel up the wrinkles of his sole with her tongue. As much as her nose wrinkled and her taste-buds protested, she continued to coat the orc's sole with saliva.

While Twilight and Starlight's mouths were complaining, Ulmug's was in heaven. He had wanted to take his time with the farm pony, but the more he ate of her rib meat the faster he wanted to devour it. He had easily sucked several ribs dry of their meat and sauces just to enjoy it all at once before gnawing into the bone. As his hands grew sticky with the ribs sauces, he used Applejacks thighs for napkins, rubbing the sauce off into her orange fur and cutie mark. The farm pony hissed and cussed under her breath, but after the initial bout of pain she was able to properly ride out every uncomfortable moment. It felt strange as her ribs gradually vanished into his stomach though. She just kept feeling lighter as it went on, and some weird part of her was strangely accepting of it.

Pinkie meanwhile was watching in earnest, waiting for her turn to come. It was a rare thing for an orc to run into completely willing prey. Usually they had to go into neighboring countries and capture the prey, bring them back with them with no guarantee that something was going to impede them. Occasionally though, willing prey would wander into their territory and beg to be eaten by them. They were few and far between, and they probably had something wrong in the head, but they were a gem to have none the less. The only downside was they didn't last. This Pinkie however was going to regenerate after he was finished. If there were more ponies like her, that wonderful rarity would become a renewable commodity for the orcs.

Ulmug leaned back from Applejack after he had finished with her portion of the meal and let her meat and bone settle into his stomach. It also gave him a moment to fully focus on the probing mouths beneath the table and chair. The princess had not relented her assault on his crack and scrotum since he started eating. He loved the feel of the cool air on him now that his sack was coated in her saliva. Her mouth felt like it was made to stick his balls into, and the idea of royalty digging their tongue into his ass was more than a little amusing for him. Starlight meanwhile was in a state of trance at his feet. She had been quite experimental with how she had done her job, sucking on his heels and the balls of his feet, as well as liberally coating his soles in her saliva with her tongue. She seemed to enjoy sucking on his toes the most. While her face occasionally scrunched at a fresh taste of sweat, over all she did not shy away from being aggressive with her ministrations. Watching her being so dutiful at his feet made his next idea feel all the more enjoyable to him.

Starlight had been enamored with suckling both of his big toes at once when something began pouring on her forehead and around her horn. Soon her nostrils were filled with a distinct acrid scent as the liquid streamed down her face. Her eyes opened up a bit, wincing at the yellow liquid invading her vision as she looked up at the seated orc aiming his shaft at her. Part of her wanted to retaliate with magic and attack him, but that was buried deep in the back of her mind. The most she could muster in retaliation was nibbling on his toes extra hard, however all that did was seem to massage him. Her teeth just could not pierce his surprisingly durable flesh. She just tried her best to ignore the stream after that, licking the soles of his feet while he hosed her mane and coat down. She was sopping wet by the time he was done, and she knew she'd be taking about a dozen showers before she went to sleep tonight.

While Applejack had been relatively quiet during his feasting on her, Pinkie was another story entirely. Twilight was curious of the giggles and chatter going on above her. If it weren't for the fact that she had to remain under the table during the duration of the meal, she'd have gone up to take a peek. Instead she resigned to moving her ears around and trying to hear what was going on while her muzzle resumed with burying itself between his cheeks.

Applejack had a front row seat to the antics however. While the farmpony recovered from the exhausting amount of pain she had just been put through, Pinkie seemed to relish in feeding the orc. Somehow she seemed to be able to either ignore the pain, or make it able to feel like something more enjoyable, because she barely even flinched when he bit into her bone and sucked off strips of cooked meat.

"So what do I taste like anyway? Am I like tangy, or sweet, or kinda salty, or a bit of all three? I wanna know!"

The orc responded by reaching over to an unattended rib of hers and peeling off some of the meat off the bone. Applejack watched in a mixture of shock and awe as he lowered the meat over to Pinkie and let it drop into her welcoming mouth. She looked pensive as she chewed her own meat, sampling the flavor the orc was getting to enjoy before she gave an appreciative moan.

"I taste good! I wonder what this would be like in a cupcake?"


Ambassador Ulmug had to admit to himself as he lay in the guest quarters of Twilight's castle that her propositions were sound ones. His initial plan was to see if Equestria was bluffing about their ultimatum of using the sun against the planet should they invade. If they were, then he would have advised going through with the invasion and enslaving the populous for food like they did with neighboring countries before it. However he was now seeing that such a plan may end up killing the proverbial golden goose. Unlike the non magical species they had conquered before, these ponies had ways of regenerating themselves and were highly responsive to their species's natural hormones. If he agreed to her terms of supplying military and technological support, the Orc's highly volatile and unreliable food supply problems would drastically improve.

Conquering these ponies were not even a matter of military strength, if the cyan mare slinking into his room was any indicator of their two nations relations to come. He could smell Rainbow's musk before she had even crept into the darkened quarters. Her cunt was quietly dripping and aching for attention, and her body was moving with a will of its own beneath his covers at the foot of his bed. He let it happen, watching the covers move and shift with her body beneath it as she shimmied over in between his legs in what she thought was stealthy maneuvering. It was only when he felt her face nuzzle into his shaft, letting out a relieved sigh, that he chose to lift the covers.

She flushed at the sight of him peering down at her. She looked almost like a cat that was prepared to flee at any given second, but at the same time she couldn't keep from staring at the object of her attention for too long.

"I...I thought you were sleeping...."

"Not quite yet. Were you just planning on sucking me off, or did you want something more?"

She flushed deeper and turned away from his gaze, trying to keep some semblance of her own dignity as her tail swished about beneath his covers. He leaned down to her, rolling the blanket back so he could whisper in her ear.

"I don't normally fuck prey in their cunts. It gives them a bit too much satisfaction in my opinion. However I do make exceptions in some cases. Would you like to be one of them?"

He enjoyed watching the wheels in the prideful pegasi's mind work. Her ears twitched about in enjoyable ways in the dimly lit room, accompanied by cutely frustrated expressions that all but telegraphed her inner struggle between hating the Orc and being deeply, unbearably horny.

Her frustration peaked when she looked up at him, her eyes wide and pleading as she nodded, biting her lip in a mixture agony and need. She squeaked as he grabbed her head and shoved it into the bed, pressing her face into it as he yanked up her hind quarters by the tail roughly. She let out a mewling noise as he unceremoniously shoved his cock deep inside her, making her hind legs quiver and quake at the forceful thrust of his hips. He did not ease her into the pounding. Every thrust was just as forceful as the last, making her wings spasm in delight. From what he could see of her expression that was being shoved into the mattress, her face was in ecstasy, and her tongue lulled out of her mouth as she smiled and panted. Her legs gave out shortly afterward as she went into full body spasms on his cock. He responded to this by gruffly lifting her up and leaning back, pumping her twitching body on his emerald shaft at an even rougher clip than before. Dash didn't seem to know what to do with herself, her limbs going in all different directions as she was pumped up and down, occasionally biting into her own forehoof as she road out another climax.

Yes, an alliance with their two nations could be quite beneficial. In fact, if they played their cards right, they may be able to have all the benefits of conquering a nation without even lifting a weapon.


"Where in Tarnation is Rainbow Dash?"

A freshly healed Twilight and Starlight leaned over the soaking farm pony, working in tandem to help with her healing process. Pinkie had been easier to patch up do to her injuries being neater and cleaner than the jagged mess that Applejack had going on with the remnants of her ribcage. He seemed to have made a point of being extra rough with the apple mare, which she theorized had to do with her more reluctant nature. They would have worked on her first, but Starlight insisted on healing Twilight so she could take a shower and thoroughly wash her coat of his piss. She still felt dirty even after the whole affair. The princess meanwhile was using some of her magic power to brush her teeth and tongue for the 12th time since they retired for the evening.

Rarity gave a snort at Applejack's question before flipping the page. "I passed by our ambassador's room, and I can assure you that Rainbow is most definitely occupied with other matters darling. The poor mare practically left a trail right to his door if you get my meaning. He sounded like he was obliging her need with gusto too given how loud she was being."

"He actually knows what his cock is for then? Ah was beginning to wonder what with how he hasn't stuck it where it aught to go since he got here."

"You sound almost bitter darling. Did you want the orc to give you a good dicking during his meal?"

"Shut it Rares, you're just acting smug cause he hasn't got to ya yet. He was talkin bout eating that horn of yours too so y'all better be ready."

"I can't believe he peed on me. Who does that? While I was licking his feet too, like, talk about disrespectful. Didn't even warn me or anything."

"Sounds like Discord and him would get along." Fluttershy said offhandedly with a knowing flatness to her voice, almost saying to herself more than to anyone else.

Twilight spit out the minty fresh concoction from her mouth, watching it vanish into thin air as it exited her mouth before addressing the room. "Thank you all for your hard work. As long as we all pitch in and make sure this all continues to go smoothly, these negotiations will be a great success. Soon Starlight and I are going to complete the more energy efficient version of this healing spell that even the common unicorn could be able to use, as well as a potion alternative when one isn't available. Once that's all done, and a few generations have gone by, the Orc and pony alliance will be as normal as the alliance of the three tribes of pony has been."

"Do y'all think that Celestia and Luna are going to be okay with all this though?"

"Leave the princesses for Starlight and me. I have it all planned out."


Author's Note

I'm really not feeling the idea sectioning off things people may not like in the fic anymore. If you have read up to this chapter, you likely already are into what I'm laying down anyway. That or you are a masochist. Either way I hope you enjoy this depraved nonsense.

As per request, I'm bumping up the word count for chapters.