Super Short Clopfics!

You're walking along the path to Fluttershy's cottage, a box of chocolates in one hand, a bunch of flowers in the other, and thoughts of romance in your mind.

You're not sure if she'd rather eat the flowers or the chocolates, but you're prepared for either.

Fluttershy should have been your first choice. She's quiet and shy and likes animals and probably won't be too rough in bed, unlike Rainbow Dash. She's almost certainly got a cure for fleas, unlike the mayor. And if she has some weird kink, you're sure she'll ask you first. Unlike Rarity.

Plus, she's about the cutest pony in town. It turns out she was even a supermodel once.

Back on Earth, it would be leaked nudes; over here it's leaked unnudes. You cover a snicker.

Your snicker covers a rustling noise in the bushes, and you run right into Big Mac. He eyes the flowers and the chocolates critically.

"Goin' to Fluttershy's cottage?"

The path doesn't really go anywhere else, so you simply nod.

"Thought so." Big Mac pauses to collect his thoughts. "Ah'm not a pony of many words, so Ah'll make it easy. If you hurt her, we'll hurt you."

"We?"

Big Mac nods over your shoulder. Bulk Biceps has landed behind you.

"Look," you say. "Let's be reasonable, guys. Big Mac, you're dating Sugar Belle or Cheerilee or Marble Pie or . . . well, I don't even know. No need to compete."

"Ain't about me."

"Yeah!"

"And Fluttershy's an adult. She can make her own choices."

"'Course she can. And if she wants to"--his face twists like he's sucking on a lemon--"roll in the hay with you, that's her business. And if you hurt her, that's our business."

"What about. . . ." You bite your tongue. Telling Big Mac that you fucked Applejack is probably a bad idea.

"Ah know you an' AJ did it. I don't care about that, neither. If she didn't like it, she could break you in half."

"Yeah!"

You think about telling Big Mac and Bulk Biceps that you haven't meant to hurt anypony, and you think about telling him that the only party who's gotten hurt in your many midnight assignations has been you, but instead you take the coward's way out. You hand him the box of chocolates and give Bulk Biceps the flowers, and then you turn around and slink back towards town.