Double Diamond wished that there was a clock visible from where he was standing, because it felt like he’d said nothing to Party Favor for hours. Party had said three words, to which even a simple “Hi” would’ve sufficed as a response, yet Diamond couldn’t force out a single syllable.

He wanted to ask how party had been. How the flight over had treated him. Why he’d taken that flight in the first place. What possessed him to come all the way to San Franciscolt. To walk into this bookstore. To just waltz straight back into his life again after two long months of absence. Still, nothing came out. He just had too much to ask.

A part of him was absolutely furious. While getting settled in was rather easy, the main reason he’d went to San Franciscolt in the first place was that it was advertised as a place a stallion could discover himself. Having a helping hoof could’ve maybe let him actually explore himself a little bit deeper. Or at all. But no, nopony was there to help him. He didn’t even know why Party had stayed in Canterlot in the first place if he was just going to come here like this.

But the rest of Diamond just wanted to forgive him. What was in the past didn’t matter, especially if there was even the slightest of chances that the stallion might stick around for more than just this passing encounter. They both knew what the other was into, and they were both okay with it. As much as he didn’t want to admit it to himself, this could very well be the start of something wonderful. Or the end of all the hope that had kept him going up to this point.

The first thing that he wanted to know… No, the most important thing in this entire situation was to find out just why Party Favor came all the way out here in the first place. Chances were that answer would tell him far more than any other individual question he could think to ask.

“Party… Celestia’s Mane… I mean, I’m happy to see you again, but what the buck got you out here dude? Not enough parties in Canterlot?” As much as he tried to joke around, the words still came out shaky, coated in the nerves Diamond tried so hard to suppress. He wanted to kick himself for approaching a friend with so much trepidation. Even if something didn’t feel right, the pony in front of him was probably the only reason he hadn’t tried to off himself a third time.

“Well I heard this cozy little book nook had one of the biggest Love Song collections anywhere in Equestria and I wanted to peruse the wares! What I didn’t expect was that the other fan Chapter mentioned was my favorite slope bunny. I didn’t figure you’d be into this kinda stuff… I hope you’ve got more surprises like that in store!” For those last few words, the stallion’s chipper tone shifted to a somewhat musical vibrato, his eyes lowering to half moons.

Diamond was taken aback. Was Party flirting with him? Already? The fact that they were standing next to a monumental smut collection aside, the sudden advance caught him completely off guard. “Dude, unless you were planning parties for Celestia, I don’t think you’d be willing to drop that kind of airfare just to browse clop fodder.”

“Oh, I…” Party Favor took a bit of a pause, seeming like he was searching his thoughts. “I got a good deal to get over here. Besides, stuff was getting kinda samey in Canterlot. Everypony wanted a garden party, or some quiet little soiree. Not that they didn’t have big, noisy parties; it’s just that they wanted a track record to host those, and I came here to get one. See the side of the city you’ve probably been rockin’ for the past few months.”

Diamond blushed in embarrassment. He hadn’t just heard about the parties happening across San Franciscolt, he’d seen plenty of evidence. Technicolor fliers were plastered across every inch of wall the city would give, sometimes even over one another. They sounded so interesting. A lively nightlife with DJs both new and familiar, catering to every taste imaginable. They seemed so inviting in the streets, the eye catching neon glow practically calling out to anyone. But he could never bring himself to actually go to one.

He could never decide on exactly one reason why, but something always came up. Sometimes the cover charges made him shy away, but he was usually afraid he’d seem out of place, or he wouldn’t know how to dress. Deep down, maybe there was some lingering worry that he’d lose himself in an unfamiliar atmosphere, or that maybe it would be too familiar, and he’d just be a buzzkill like back in school.

The party planner noticed the sense of malaise tainting his friend’s expression. At first, he’d thought to ease the conversation into a certain subject, but subtlety was for ponies at ease with themselves.

“I also came out here to meet up with you again D. If all I wanted was parties to my name, Manehattan or Baltimare would’ve done just as well for my track record. Nowhere else in Equestria has you though, and that’s what made the choice so easy. Might as well know somepony in town, right?… Well, I mean, other than the cutie behind the front desk, but even I didn’t expect that warm of a welcome”

“Yeah, Chapter’s life story comes free with admitting you like Love Song books.” Diamond couldn’t help but snicker. Even with as little as they’d said to each other, it felt more like Party Favor had come back from another room, not a whole other region of Equestria. Just as silly, slightly lewd, and easy to talk to as ever.

“But back to the subject at hoof,” the party planner gained a dopey grin as his forehoof reached over to contact the bookshelf. The athlete simply sighed, it seemed he’d made sure to pack his propensity for terrible puns as well. “You’re not getting away before storytime. Come on, spill, how did innocent little Double D find his way into this hardcover den of iniquity?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Diamond chuckled, rolling his eyes slightly as he tried to picture the sort of story Party might be expecting.

“Oh trust me, San Fransiscolt’s a weird place, I could see it happening.” The planner retorted.

“I didn’t even get it here, some guy at the skydocks in Canterlot must’ve tossed the wrong book when he was arguing with a newsie. It was the only thing I had on the ride over, so I decided to give it a read, and I was hooked on the spot. I basically found this place by accident, that first one was what really started it.”

As he spoke, the stallion dug through his saddlebag, producing the blank-covered volume he’d become so familiar with. As he inspected it, the azure stallion gave a mock expression of disappointment.

“Reading smut on an airship ride… I’m not sure if I should be disappointed or proud of you. What are you gonna do next, go out after dark? Go clubbing? Try some sushi? Where will the madness eeeeeend?” The sudden shift into hammy delivery was paired with a melodramatic hug that ended with Party Favor sliding off of Diamond and onto the floor, his eyes scanning noticeably upwards with a knowing grin “Or who knows, maybe you’ve got the urge to try that stuff for yourself now?”

Diamond wanted to deny it, but his expression was far too incriminating to even try. Half the time when he was reading, he’d put himself in Chrys’ position. Tied up, mewling under his breath, and waiting for whatever would be dished out next. He’d even tried tying himself up at home every so often as he clopped, but he wasn’t the best at knots. Though even with his novice ropework, he already knew how much better the struggling made absolutely everything.

The idea of somepony else tying him up far more securely than he ever could on his own made Diamond’s knees weak, something Party could easily see from his carpet-level view.

“I-I mean… yeah… but I’ve heard stuff like that… I’ve heard it’s kinda dangerous… y-you’re tied up, and you can’t do anything to stop your partner… You’re utterly at somepony else’s will.” The athlete’s voice was trembling as he shifted his back hooves, trying to dull his arousal.

“Isn’t it just the best?” Party spoke with a dreamy, almost nostalgic expression, striking a sensual pose before rolling back to his hooves. “The idea of being spread out, bent to the will of a pony who wants you to feel more pleasure than ever before. There’s no way to stop them from taking you to your limits, and leave you teetering on the edge, begging to be brought to your peak…”

Party had almost become lost in thought before looking back over to Diamond. Every single bit of the stallion told a story he was happy to see. The shocked expression was the first component he savored. While there was a major element of surprise, there was almost a twinge of curiosity, like he wanted to hear more. His front hooves were stone still, but his back hoof was up, visibly making small rowing motions like an excited mare.

And he definitely was excited. although, Party didn’t want to call too much attention to the athlete’s slowly growing arousal. The planner figured that he probably knew.

It took a few seconds for Diamond to get his thoughts together. He wasn’t sure if he agreed with everything Party said, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on. Beyond the thought that it seemed like his friend had been through it before, he started to wonder just what he’d want to go through. Everything he’d read on the subject of BDSM sounded erotic beyond measure. However, he also knew reading something and going through it were two different things.

“Party… have… have you done this sort of stuff before? I mean… I’m not one to judge, we both know where we are, but…” There were so many things he wanted to say, so much he wanted to admit, and so many ways he could lead the conversation. But he could be honest with Party Favor, and he knew as much. He needed to be honest and let the words flow.

“But I’d want to know what it’d be like before trying it out myself.”

The shock faded quickly from the blue stallion’s face. Of course it was only natural for Diamond to be surprised at himself, even a bit of embarrassment at his own frankness. But he had it. The proof he needed to know what he wasn’t just hunting for a box of grid squares.

The smile curling up on the side of his lips was only natural. He knew Diamond to the core after their stint together in Starlight’s village. He couldn’t ask for much more trust than the athlete had just displayed, so he figured he could return the favor.

“I… happen to have some first-hoof experience. About a week or so after you left I found myself in the company of some ponies that liked this kinda stuff. I’m not gonna lie to you D, it was intimidating, but they kinda helped me ease into things… by giving me a couple Love Song books to look over.” A soft giggle welled up in his throat. He hadn’t even gotten to the juicy parts yet, and the stallion in front of him was practically tripping on his scarf to lean in for more.

“The books do a pretty good job of explaining what everything’s like. I can tell it’s been written by somepony with experience in the field… but actually being in the moment… D… It’s so much more intense than words can do justice. A good dom can take everything you are and just shape it into the image of bliss. Your world just hangs on the sound of their voice. Their command can bring you to your knees…”

“Or a single pleading whisper can leave you awash in an ocean of pleasure,” Diamond responded with a smirk. “I’ve read that speech enough to recite it in my sleep dude, paraphrasing it isn’t gonna get past me”

“Well, you might as well get used to it D. I’ve learned one thing with all the ponies that I met. You’ll be hard-pressed to find somepony into BDSM that isn’t a gigantic nerd. Catching yourself lapsing into prose is just going to be something you’re gonna have to live with. Care repeating the end of that speech back to me if you know it so well?” The athlete merely grinned and rolled his eyes. He felt if he was paying more attention, he could’ve seen this coming a mile away.

“Please, Chrys, you’ve heard my music. It’s brought you here, and I understand if right now you’d want to run as far away as your hooves would carry you. I’d get it. Hearing and being are two different things. But, I’d ask you trust me again, now, like you did at Rosemont. Even if you’re afraid, I’d want to shepherd you through that fear. I want to bare my soul all over again. I want you to be able to feel everything I am. I just ask your trust that my chambers are devoted not to pain and fear, but love and art.” Diamond bit his lip. The continuation to Chrys’ line was almost reflexive in his midnight reveries. It took no small effort to prevent himself from giving that same invitation to Party Favor.

“See, you’re a nerd just like everypony else. If you ever wanna do that kinda stuff, you’ll fit right in.” Party snickered to himself, moving back to briefly perusing the shelf.

“But I’m not sure if I’d want to do it with just anyone. I’d have to be able to put a lot of trust into somepony to even consider doing anything I read in one of these books… If I’m not careful who I’d pick, whoever had me tied down could…” Diamond felt a chill run down his spine. He didn’t want to think of what would happen next.

Diamond was snapped back to reality with the feeling of a warm hoof gently rubbing his tensed shoulder. The blue stallion across from him was smiling reassuringly up to him. The whole conversation had been an emotional roller coaster ride for the athlete, and right now he was right back to blushing as hard as he thought he ever could.

“I know it can be intimidating to find somepony to do it with. It is a lot of trust to give, and I’m a lot more of a risk taker than you. But if you’d still want to try it out… since you know I’d never dream of hurting you D… you’d trust me enough to be the one to do it, right?”

With that being said, Diamond could actually feel the heat radiating off of his cheeks and a good portion of his coat standing on end. Apparently he was wrong. Party certainly wasn’t incorrect about how much the athlete trusted him, with his body and his life. Still, something going from a wild pipe dream to an open invitation over a matter of sentences wasn’t something that was simple to process. Every last synapse in his brain tripped over one another to voice it’s opinion.

“Party!? I mean… I want to… I’d love to… but I couldn’t. Please don’t think I wouldn’t trust you… If anypony did it I’d want it to be you. I’ve…” The stallion rubbed the back of his neck with a front hoof. This was going to be the embarrassing part.

“I’ve never been with a stallion. At all. I haven’t even tried to play with my tailhole yet. I keep trying to get around to it, but my nerves always get to me at the last second. The worst I’ve ever done to myself was clopping with my back hooves tied together. I’m about as much of a loser virgin as you can get,” Double Diamond let out a self-conscious chuckle. “Never even kissed a stallion. Some colt cuddler I am, huh? “

The feeling of Party Favor’s muzzle against his wasn’t something he could take in all at once. It was like time stood still as the athlete came to terms with what was happening with him. The subtle taste of cake on his breath coupled with the soft flowery scent of his shampoo made the fluffy texture of his coat against his own feel like he was nuzzling into a downy pillow at some luxury spa. One that decided to nibble on his lip before pulling back, looking the most satisfied Diamond had ever seen him. The party planner’s rosy cheeks were simply the cherry on top of the whole situation.

“That’s one thing off the list, hey D?”

Diamond’s mouth was hanging open, his entire body radiating heat as he stared at the stallion. He tried to find some thought left in his brain that he could try to force out of his muzzle, but Party’s little maneuver seemed to do a pretty good job of clearing every last one of those out of his head. Instead of rational thought, a strange mix of emotions filled his brain. First was surprise of course, followed by a little bit of indignation. His first kiss with a stallion was now immortalized as a spur of the moment decision in the expansive smut wing of the local bookstore. Wonderful.

He was happy though, that it happened to be with Party. At the moment, the unicorn was the first and last candidate for stallions he wanted to be closer to. If his first kiss was going to be with his rather eccentric friend, it was liable to happen literally anywhere. It wasn’t the most romantic setting, but that didn’t stop his heart from beating a million times a minute. The location didn’t matter. The feeling of their lips together took diamond to another world. It only made him want more.

The stallion leaned forward slightly, only to meet a hoof on his chest, and a rather playful smile on the unicorn’s face. While Party always seemed to be up for some little games, Diamond certainly wasn’t at this moment. His pleading expression voiced everything on his mind without even saying a word, though it seemed as if the party planner wasn’t about to be swayed.

“Oh? So one taste and now you’re hooked… maybe I should start charging for them,” Party Favor practically purred every word he spoke. Watching his friend fall head over hooves for him was a treat, but he didn’t want to make the athlete feel like he was being led on. He was going to let him know just how to get what he wanted.

“Say, if you’d want another one of those, why don’t we spend some time together? You’ve been in the city longer than me, D. So I was thinking, why don’t you help me do a little bit of exploring? See the sights, try some local foods, and maybe I’ll be in the mood to help you with a little bit of self-exploration by day’s end.”

“O-of course! I’m off work for today, so why don’t we head out to see a few places around town?” Diamond was so excited by the prospect he didn’t even realize that he was prancing in place like an excited foal getting his pick at the toy store.

The excitement however, banished all doubt from Party’s mind about what he had to do next. He tried his best to feign being aloof despite how much it made him feel like an absolute ass. He knew from experience just how easy it was to get caught up in the moment, to agree to something that got you in way over your head. They both did. It had to be done.

“Hold on D, I’m not sure how much I’m ready for today. I’ll tell you what though. Why don’t you end up finding me once you have a chance to think about it? I’ve got some stuff to do in the city, but I’ll probably be somewhere around here.” He expected the glare. The pout. But if Diamond wasn’t going to take the time to think about it on his own, it was best if someone else gave him the time.

“Tomorrow, then. Right here. I want you in this exact spot in twenty-four hours so we can talk about what I decide on,” the stallion marked the spot on the ground with a surprisingly aggressive thump of his hoof, his eyes piercing straight through the unicorn. “And don’t think I won’t be here right on time, I get off at four and this bookstore is a half-hour walk away from Slope Shredders. I have the day after off too, so the rest of my day is free.” The ‘and I’ll spend it hunting you down if you’re not here’ didn’t need to be voiced as far as Party was concerned, he was the exact same way when he was told to sleep on it.

“Alright, you’ve got me cornered. You’ll see me tomorrow no problem. Slope Shredders though… That’s not the kind of name I’d expect to hear around here. Wasn’t that where you got your scarf from?”

Diamond nodded, “Yeah, but at the one in Manehattan. Apparently, the one here was actually the first one Frostfire opened though. Truth be told, I expected all the sporting stuff around here to be surf shops, finding a store that even acknowledged winter existed blew my mind.”

Party felt a little bit of a rise in his chest. Frostfire was a name he knew, and that meant he’d get to give Diamond a pleasant little surprise. Still, that was for later, and while he didn’t exactly want to abandon Diamond again, he did have things left to do before day’s end.

“Well with that Froststone Slalom opening downtown, you better get used to being busy. Speaking of, I… Actually kinda am myself. Still have some stuff to do before I turn in for the night, and I’m sure you do to. It was amazing to see you again D... See you tomorrow.”

It was pulling a bandaid off. Neither of them wanted to leave, but they couldn’t exactly stay here forever. Still, Party’s silent little hoof wave as he departed was a somewhat bittersweet coda. Even if it wasn’t a conscious choice, he did the same motion when Diamond left for the sky docks, a detail not lost on the athlete.

Diamond figured he could interpret it two ways. He could let the memories of the unicorn’s first departure sting him again, or he could pay more attention to the fact that no matter how long it took, Party still found his way back. It was no surprise to the stallion which option his thoughts desperately rushed to.

But still, he was left standing there. Alone. He tried to level himself out, but his thoughts were still racing. They were flowing down old paths. Places he didn’t want to go anymore. He tried to remember what the doctor told him. How to breathe to calm himself down. But it wasn’t working. He’d let Party walk out on him. Again.

Of course he wasn’t going to stay. All a colt cuddler wants is a cheap buck. All they want with emotions is to play with them. Diamond wanted to shut it out. But no… he was weak. A little faggot who couldn’t control his own thoughts, much less what other ponies did to him. He wasn’t worthy. He couldn’t make those sermons stop playing over and over in his head. His parents weren’t staring over his shoulder anymore. Why the buck did it still feel like someone was judging him if nobody else was around?

He barely even processed Chapter’s excited ramblings as he left the store, nearly breaking into a full gallop as he headed home. Diamond wasn’t sure what he wanted to do when he got there. Cry. Scream into his pillow. Maybe both. He just wanted to go numb. To stop thinking. It felt like the only way he could get his mother’s voice out of his head was if he didn’t have one anymore…

He wished he was two separate ponies just so he could beat himself half to death over how stupid he’d been. He was running home, his medicine was there, it was supposed to help reduce episodes like this and stop them prematurely, but it was hard to think of any other ways to cope. His brain was reading back an itemized list of how many times in his life he’d screwed up. From ever being stupid enough to trust Malty, to just seconds ago, when he let himself get conned into thinking he could live a happy life. He ran up the stairs to his apartment and jumped into his bed, letting go of what minimal restraints on his sobbing being in public imposed. His eyes burned. His throat was hoarse. He needed something to stop the pain.

The stallion looked up from the tear tracks running down his bedside to the nightstand next to him. It would be so easy. Dawnflower was supposed to be ten times more potent than Redroot. One little gulp and he wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Just let go. Slip away. Nopony would miss him…

But before his hoof even touched the tincture bottle, he stopped.

What if Party was there the next day, and he wasn’t? Diamond was so caught up on how he’d feel, he never even considered the opposite scenario. His friend flew to San Franciscolt just for the chance to see him again. He probably had to search the whole city just to find Chapter’s store. Go on a hunch just for the chance to meet face to face again. Somepony who did all that, for the slimmest chance of seeing him…

They’d definitely miss him if he was gone.

In that brief moment of lucidity, a thought occurred. Since he’d moved to San Franciscolt, his parents hadn’t even tried to check on him. For ponies who could afford an airship as easily as airfare, a letter was an afterthought. They didn’t care. Not even after all the self flagellation he’d put himself through to be the son they wanted instead of the stallion he wanted to be. Why should he care about them if they outright refused to return the favor?

But at the same time if that was true, why did he still feel so ashamed of himself?

Diamond rolled over, not really sure what to think. He wasn’t sure what was more powerful, the shame over having kissed a stallion, or the desire for a dozen more. He’d mapped out more filly’s mouths with his tongue than he could care to remember, but all that time didn’t hold a candle to the inferno that quick little smooch lit inside him. He didn’t even know a kiss could feel like that.

He figured there had to be an explanation for what was going on in his head. That Party might know. Even with the obvious answer staring him dead in the face, it almost felt like it would pay off to ask someone. Even if Party’s little journey through self-discovery hadn’t taken him through an identity crisis, the unicorn could probably be probed for some of the basics.

At least assuming Diamond could muster the courage to ask.

He knew he probably shouldn’t be making assumptions, but at the same time, laying in bed, it was hard not to let his mind wander. Perhaps, Party had intended San Franciscolt to be somewhat of a training ground for him before they reconnected. Somewhere he’d meet some other colt cuddlers, and get all the dumb questions out of the way. It could’ve worked too, were it not for those meddling mental issues. So he was stuck, needing to ask what he thought were the simplest of questions about himself to a pony that had figured himself out long ago.

How thrilled the planner would be, Diamond pondered, having to live alongside someone else grappling with issues he himself conquered long ago. He knew it was in Party’s nature to be helpful, but the athlete could also imagine how tiring it could be if the situation were somehow reversed. He threw his head back against the pillow in frustration. They’d left on such good terms, and he was already predicting ways everything could go south.

How like him.

The sound of the dock bells broke him out of his own head. Even in this beleaguered state, Double Diamond realized he was stuck in a rut. Trying to figure out the innumerable paths to disaster wasn’t giving him any solutions on how he might avoid them. So it was time for bed, whether or not he wanted to. His body felt exhausted, and the stallion recognized the value in not letting his brain overwork itself further.

So he tried to set the stage for his dreams. Party. On a high balcony. Wearing a tux. He was smiling. They were both smiling. Where it went didn’t matter. Where they decided to go didn’t matter. What was important was that they were together. The stallion nestled into a pillow as his form finally slacked into the soft mattress. No matter where things were going to go in the future,

he still had his dreams.

Author's Note

A big thank you to everyone out there for putting up with the wait, I should have another chapter coming up soon! another big thank you to Seraphem, Katarina Mau, Paper Ponies, and Shrinky Frod for helping with the editing on this one!