Shivered Timbers' Sexty Minute Ponies

Cold Beans
by Shivered Timbers

(Prompt: Pinkie Pie's peculiar proposal. I just don't know what went wrong.)

Pinkie crouched low, tail twitching back and forth. "Today's the day! It's now or never, Pinkie ol' gal, ol' mare, ol' bean... Mmm, beans for breakfast! That's a great idea!" Grinning at the thought of beans in her future, she hopped toward the library entrance. There were important proposals to be enacted.

The door creaked open. It was dark inside, and smelled of wood and musty books, like it usually did. Shadows from the windows played across the floor, bathing the room in half-formed thoughts. The only sound was the thumping of her heart in her chest. She slunk around the rug, tip-hoofed up the stairs, and crept to the side of the bed.

"Twilight?" she called, her voice barely a whisper. "Are you awake?"

She reached out with one trembling hoof and stroked the curve of cheek before her.

"Why Pinkie," said a sleepy voice, "it's you! Whatever are you doing in my bedroom so late at night?"

"I came to tell you something very, very important, Twilight," Pinkie said in her most serious voice. "You have to promise not to hate me though."

"I could never hate you, Pinkie!" There was a soft laugh. "You're one of my best friends!"

Pinkie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Good, because that might all change in a second."

"Pinkie, whatever could you possibly mean?"

Pinkie's eyes opened. "Twilight, I want to have sex with you."

There was a gasp. Pinkie pressed her hoof to her lips.

"I can't take it any longer, Twilight. Seeing you alone night after night, nopony to cuddle up with or share your feelings with. You deserve somepony like that, and I want to be that somepony! I'm in love with you, Twilight. And I don't just want a relationship with you, I want to go all the way!" She hopped into the air. "I want to take your second plate to home base! I want to bat for extra innings and then get fireworks because fireworks happen in baseball sometimes, and then we can have hot dogs and popcorn, and..."

"Pinkie."

Pinkie stopped.

"Yes, Pinkie. I'll do it. I've always wanted somepony to snuggle and have fun sexy times with, and I can't think of anypony who I'd rather have share my bed and my body than you, Pinkie Pie, my bestest friend ever."

"Oh Twilight!" Pinkie leaned forward and pressed her lips to the soft face. A hoof reached down and touched her tenderly in her most private spot. With a sharp, ragged intake of breath, she was on her back, moaning in pleasure as her lover took her to new heights of ecstasy.

She giggled and moaned and rolled on the floor. The hoof knew how to drive her wild, just like she'd always dreamed. Every touch was like lightning, each caress an ocean breaker. With each stroke of the hoof, her voice got squeakier and squeakier. Things became slick between her legs, and her most favorite part began.

"Oh Twilight!" she yelled. "Cover me in jam and call me a pancake! Take me to the zoo so I can play with the monkeys! I'll be your miniature pirate forever! I'm gonna bust the walls down like I'm full of kool-aid, I..."

With a soft moan, she arched her back and let out a cry of utmost relief.

The image of Twilight faded from her mind, to be replaced by tears.

"Why, Twilight?" she whispered, drawing the ponikin close to herself. She wiped the stickiness from her hoof over the soft cloth face, nuzzling the side that was still dry. "Why can't I just talk to you as more than a friend? Why am I such a coward?

"And why do I say such stupid things when I come?" She sniffled. "It's because I'm just a stupid pony and you'll never love me because I'm not smart."

Her eyes clenched shut and she cried until the tears stopped. In the morning, it would be cold beans for breakfast again. But for now, it was another night with Rarity's lost ponikin as her only companion.