Clash of the Legends

Cadence, despite her best efforts, had suddenly locked lips with Luna. Side effect of the button, sudden instinct, she was unsure, but she found herself snogging Princess Luna. And she was enjoying it. Luna was pulling away as hard as she could, tealy-green eyes wide in an expression of extreme shock. Shining had no clue what was going on; he was simply enjoying the mare-on-mare action in front of him. Even though the Guard Room was empty of Scorch's clones, it would only be a matter of time before Guard Scorch shouts something along the lines of 'LESBIAN ACTION IN GUARD ROOM! GO, BEFORE IT FINISHES!'.

'That creep can see EVERYTHING, Shining thought, watching the two Princesses desperately attempting to unlock lips. 'But then again, who DOESN'T want to see this? Dayum, this is hot.' Shrugging, and taking up guard by the door, he crouched, strained his back to keep the huge crossbow steady, and began to scan the corridor. Meanwhile, his mind was saving the memory of the two mares, whilst trying to remember what the plan was.

Escape, kill as many clones as possible, then turn on each other? Some plan. Maybe Luna's pressing the button-thing, and she'll be too busy with Cadence to notice if I hit them with a pole? Shining considered his own plan. He also thought of the burning question; what had happened to the ORIGINAL competition? 3 V 3, not 3 V 3 V 250. And in the event his team lost...he shuddered at the thought. His team was down one man. The other team consisted of goddesses. Who, somehow, have managed to bring the huge issue of Relationships into this battle. Seriously, Scorch and Luna? What kind of sick bas-

"GUH!" came a sudden feminine gasp behind him. Luna was stood panting for breath, cheeks redder than her new coltfriend's fur, and a string of spittle hung from her lips. Cadence was almost the same; save for the fact that she looked to have enjoyed it. "Cadence, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" Luna wheezed, chest hammering in and out.

"No idea," Cadence elatedly replied, "but to be honest, you did well." Luna simply stood in stunned silence, jaw agape. Her cheeks almost melted at the heat rushing to them.

"N-no..." she stuttered in reply, shaking her head slightly. "I-I...no. My loyalty lies with nopony, nopony at all."

"Not even your coltfriend, Scorch?" Shining cut in, not removing his gaze from the hallways.

"SHUT UP." Luna roared in return, causing Cadence and Shining to go into absolute fits of laughter.

Scorch had thankfully remembered the train tickets. Among the assorted 'Too bad!' and 'Better luck next time!' cards left by his bedside, one card was from the unicorns who were putting him in hospital. It was a small note that simply read 'For the journey home.' and attached he found one train ticket to Canterlot, with no set date to use on. So, in effect, he could stay here for a week, come back, and still use the ticket. But this town was full of nutjobs, why stay for longer than necessary?

Trotting into the carriage alotted by his ticket, he was unsurprised to be greeted by a plain box room, table in the centre, baggage rails, 2 benches, and walls. The window was simply displaying a crowd of ponies stood by his carriage, and an iddylic view of the town. Bright buildings, fountains, statues, the usual town. Hanging his black cloak up on the rail above, Scorch groaned, and sat down on the cushioned chair. There was an ashtray in the centre of the fake wooden table, to which Scorch immediately, yet casually, peered about the room for tobacco, and a pipe. He just wished he would have been allowed to keep the stuff he carried when he died. That pipe looked lovely that he picked up.

Shame.

Just then, a tan stallion arrived in a conductor's uniform. Blue eyes peered from behind glasses, as the frail unicorn levitated a small ticket clamper in front of Scorch.

"Ticket, sir?" said the colt, to which Scorch levitated his own ticket out of his magical non-existent pockets. The conductor smiled, a loud click was heard, as the ticket was returned to Scorch's pocket at a smooth pace. "Thank you. Have a nice journey back, sonny."

"Thanks." Scorch beamed back. He couldn't get over the use of the word 'sonny'. Scorch, considering Discord's curse of immortality (or is it a gift?), Scorch was just a week younger than Princess Luna, but well over a thousand years younger than Celestia. Scorch's older brother, Frost Tail, had a fling with Celestia once, but without immortality like the two sisters received upon becoming rulers, he passed away millenia ago. Scorch visits his brother's grave in the place where he was born, and as the headstone says his last words.

Here lies Frost Tail,

Cold as stone. May Faust love his soul.

His last words really do say it all.

"GET ME BUCKING HELP, I THINK I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK, GET BUCKING HE-"

As Scorch pored over his memories, a sudden lurch of motion pushed him forward, smacking his head on the table and causing a yelp of pain and roars of laughter from the crowd outside. Soon enough, though, the laughter was drowned by steam whooshing from the engine of the train as it grindingly pushed forwards. The steel wheels yelled in pain as the engine forced them forward like master and sled dog. As Scorch rubbed his snout and picked up the chip of tooth that came from the molars, he realized where he was going. Home. Where he could finally have a hot shower, decent food, and see Serrated and Glinting again. They were probably missing him right now.

Obviously.

The moment Glinting Spear awoke, she was first in the shower. Usually, she'd be awoken by Scorch-Mane singing Never Gonna Give You Up in the shower loudly, but today she woke up because she WANTED TO. Stepping into the cubicle, and allowing the water to stream all over her athletic curves, she gently hummed as she put shampoo on her wings and lathered herself with it. All over her fur, mane, and tail, she made sure the suds set in before rinsing. Realizing she had 4 hours til she needed to be on duty, she allowed herself 30 minutes just stood under the rushing water.

From what the white Pegasus had heard, Scorch made 0 kills or shots, was killed by Cadence, and was on his way as she thought about it. Too bad, she was kind of hoping he'd be lost forever, and then she'd get a hunk of a stallion in her squad. Did she mention that Serrated Edge was now her coltfriend? No? Well, now you know.

Suddenly, she heard a hoof rapping on the door.

"Mornin', sweetie!" came Serrated's slightly rough voice. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," she replied, "Course I did, especially when I slept next to you, honey!" Both of the guards burst out laughing at her comment. The fun thing about not having Shining, Aerpion, and Scorch was that they could laugh at jokes that were bad. Usually, Shining would give her a friendly noogie with a hoof, before plowing his hoof into Serrated's ribs. On occasion, he'd then proceed to punch Scorch, just because it's funny to watch him get hurt.

All the other guards were loving their absence, too. More food, spare seats in the mess for other squad members to sit in, Archery Sergeant Hoofman wasn't as pissed all the time, and many other things that improved everypony's lives. Aerlion would no longer fall out of bed and land on the floor, which was funny, but it was still a good riddance.

After an hour of getting ready, the two were trotting side by side on a direct path to the mess hall. They'd always taken this route; faster, easier to navigate, and it had a stunning view. The pair of them continued up the hallway, before making a sharp left up to the turrets. As usual, Rangefinder was crouched with his bow, constantly with an ear and eye out for trouble in the bustling streets below. As the princesses were away, Captain Aquilinius had allowed everypony on the guards to move about the castle with no armour if they wished. Due to the extreme temperatures of the summer sun, currently being raised by a talented young unicorn and her brother, this was a good move that earned the Captain shiploads of respect.

"Morning, Range." said Serrated and Glinting simultaneously. A grunt of acknowledgement was their reply, so Range was in a tired mood. The two continued on, their trot leading them on a course to the mess. They reached it in minutes, mostly due to all the guards being in the mess for breakfast. Today was beans on toast, tomatoes, mushrooms, and egg; one of the better days. Just as they entered the mess, they noticed a few eyes look at them, before sighing and returning to their meals. The room wasn't too big, but it was pretty packed. Their table was just at the back of the room and to the right, next to Black Swoop's squad and near the officer's table. As the two sat down with breakfasts in magical auras, a grunt of greetings from the rest of the squad was a conversation starter.

"Mornin'." Serrated said, picking his fork up and sticking it into his tomato.

"Serrated." Acknowledged his best friend Arrow Arch. The two had met during the introduction all those years back. An officer explained the meaning of the 'Solar Creed', which was a set of rules based on how to live as a Royal Solar Guard. He paired trainees up, and they were intended to discuss the creed as a teambuilding exercise. After both turned out to have the same view, they ended up fast friends.

"Arrow." Glinting coughed through a glass of water.

"Well, it's a good day, huh?"

And so began another boring conversation in the Mess.