An Archaeologist In Equestria

When Twilight said I would be meeting her sister, I PANICKED. Rapidly, I paced back and forth along the crystalline floor of the friendship castle as she called it, my nerves racked. OH MAN OH MAN I'M DEAD I'M DEAD I'M DEAD I'M DEAD I'M DEAD I'M DEAD I'M DEAD I'M DEAD I thought, but then I started thinking out loud, to which Twilight snapped me back into reality.

"Chase! You need to calm down. Besides, you're overreacting. You don't know how she'll react. She might even like you for all I know!" Twilight beamed at me. Did this help you ask? No. Not one bit.

I sigh in defeat. "You're right. I'm overreacting. Maybe you should escort me. Who knows what'll happen?"

"Follow me." Twilight says.

I'm in her air balloon. A FUCKING AIR BALLOON!

"Whoa. That's a long way down. And I snagged myself in a tree branch. That was only because I got lucky." I say, looking down. "Say, Twi? How much further do we have to go?"

"We're halfway there. Why?"

I sit down, not wanting to look at the ground, five thousand feet below me. "When we get to this, 'Canterlot' let me know. I think I'm gonna puke."

"Well, Chase, you won't have to puke, because we're here." Twilight says. OH SWEET MERCIFUL GROUND! I'LL NEVER TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED EVER AGAIN!

The hot air balloon finally landed on the ground in Canterlot, where you'll never find a more wretched hive of snobs and tightwads. The whole town, including the castle was situated on the side of a mountain. I'd like to meet the genius who thought that that was a good idea. I stomped my boot on the ground to see if it would collapse, and to my relief the ground didn't give in like I anticipated.

"Chase, you coming?" I silently respond by following her lead. I'm just gonna be honest with you, Canterlot wasn't anything I was expecting. I was half-expecting a grimy brick and mortar town, but instead Canterlot was all colorful and looked like something out of a Dr. Seuss book.

All around me, I could see various shops, ponies meandering about, going about their day, without a care in the world. Eventually, Twilight and I made our way to Canterlot Castle, the home of the two sisters. Once inside, I had to admire the place, although it was kinda flashy and showy for my tastes. Then again, what do I know?

"This way," Twilight said, directing me to a flight of stairs that led up to Princess Luna's room.

"*pant* *wheeze*... 597. 598... ha! 599. Aaaaand, 600! Whew! And you'd think... *wheeze*... it would kill em' to install an elevator." I leaned over on the railing, trying to catch my breath. I looked to my right hand side and saw a nighttime themed door. "Must be this Princess Luna's room."

I knock lightly. No response. This time, I knock louder.

"Enter." a voice responds.

Finally! I thought. A response! Les do dis!

I enter her room and close the door behind me. The room was very dimly lit. I waved my hand in front of my face.

"Mine apologies. Allow us to get the lights for you." She does so and the room becomes brighter.

I scratch the behind of my head. "Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?"

"Why not?" Luna sassed back.

I chuckle, waving a gloved finger at her. "Good one, never heard that one before."

"Please, sit." I do as she instructs, and she gets up to grab a bottle of moonshine and two glasses.

"I don't drink." I say. "Besides. I'm only 20."

"In that case, you've reached our drinking age."

"Oh well then. Don't mind if I do."

Then, we had a long back and forth conversation, with her asking me about myself and my world. I gladly answered her and told her everything, including the moon landings.

After about three or fifty drinks of the moonshine, I was laughing hard, mostly cause of the stuff that Luna told me about herself and her sister and because I was wasted and drunk. But, all good things had to come to an end, and I had to leave. "Weheell. It's been fun and all, Luna, but I gotta go now. I gotta ghet mayshelf situated."

After I made it down the stairs, Twilight was waiting for me. "So how did your meeting with her go?"

"Huh? Oh great! I had loads of fun." I say, staggering my way towards Twilight.

"Alright. You're obviously drunk."

"Moi? Drunk? No I'm not." I denied.

Twilight rolls her eyes at me and levitates me onto her back. "You are so bucking drunk."

"No I'm noooooooot!" I whined, hunching over.

"Oh, Rainbow and the others are so gonna get a kick out of this." Twilight says, trotting away to the train station.

"Y'know what Twi? Yer a gerd friend." I slurred out.

Rainbow Dash was laughing. And I mean LAUGHING. She was having a field day with my dilemma. To which I kept vehemently denying.

"Was it really that bad?" Starlight, who I met earlier in the day, asks Twilight.

"Well shucks." Applejack says. "Ah knew mah cider was strong stuff, but dadgum. Ah had no clue the princess' moonshine was stronger. Ah'll have to see for mahself how strong it is."

"Regardless, look at Chase! He's drunk off his flank!" Twilight says, pointing to me, still on her back.

"I am not drunk! I don't *HIC* care what you say!" I rant, getting off her back.

I lean on Applejack's shoulders. "Heeey. Y'know if you look real close at reality, you can see the fuckin' dragons in your kitchen?"

"Say what now?"

"Chase, I'm really sorry to do this to you." Twilight says before I black out and join the world of unconsciousness.