Author's Note

Curses, it's whiteoak019!

*screams in midterms season and drifts away in the wind again*

apples could talk and only non ponies can hear them?

"Hey hey, you there. Purple one."

Spike paused, staring in the direction of the voice.

"Yes, you! Up here ya bozo. In the tree."

His eyes panned up to the lone apple dangling from a branch.

"Excellent, excellent. See, I have a favor to ask of you."

Spike turned his gaze momentarily to Applejack, who didn't seem to notice.

"Precisely who this favor revolves around. I want you to throw me at that mare."

"Excuse me?" Spike sputtered, inadvertently catching Applejack's attention.

"You've been excused," was all she responded with as she continued playing subway surfers.

"See what I mean?" the apple huffed... somehow. "Pick me and throw me at her."

"And what if I don't?" Spike lifted a brow.

"Then I, the most delicious apple to have or ever will grow on this tree, will unfortunately go to waste, left to be picked at by birds and bugs until I am but a shriveled husk, flapping in the breeze!"

Spike rolled his eyes and picked the apple. "There. What if I just eat you right here and now?"

"Ah, but I'm a special apple! I am the sort where my flavor is enhanced by blunt-force trauma applied to the heads of unsuspecting orange-colored apple farming mares wearing fancy stetsons passed down through their families!"

"And why should I take your word for it?"

"Try me."

"How am I supposed to fight an app--"

"Take a bite out of me ya dingus. I swear on the tree you picked me from that it ain't gonna be good."

"You want me to... eat you."

"Am I not a vessel for the next generation of my parent tree? Is my flesh not meant to be consumed as a gift to those who impart life onto the following generation of trees that will one day bear their own fruit? I do not care if you eat me or not, so long as these seeds I protect reach the soil beneath your feet."

"Uh."

"Just eat me dangit. Or throw me at that mare."

"Fine," Spike drew the apple to his mouth and took a bite.

Suffice to say, it was the most godawful-tasting thing he'd tasted in his life. He belched on pure instinct, his arms reflexively pitching the apple at ludicrous speeds to anywhere away from himself.

Unfortunately for Applejack, that happened to by sheer coincidence be directed towards her.

The apple roared in success as it thumped against her cheek.

"Ow, Spike! Whatcha do that for?" Applejack finally turned her attention to Spike, allowing just enough time for Apple Bloom to steal back her phone that she'd planted on the fence in hopes of getting a cutie mark in brainrotting others around her.

"The apple told me to do it," Spike pointed at the apple sitting on the ground beside her. "Also it tastes terrible. I think you should cut down the tree it grew from and use it as firewood."

"Terrible, huh?" Applejack shined the apple on... uh, herself and took a bite from the other side, right where a bruise was forming on the fruit's skin. "By golly, that's the best tastin' apple I've ever had in my life! Whatcha mean it's terrible?"

Spike groaned and walked away.

~~huh~~