Redheart didn't know what to feel. On one hoof what she was seeing was hilarious enough to make her laugh so hard she'd have a heart attack, but on the other she felt sorry for poor Anon, who was once again in a sticky situation.
"I...um..." Redheart tried to form some kind of verbal response, but couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't some crappy pun or sarcastic jab at the unfortunate human.
Anon stood with his head completely concealed in Rainbow's vagina, while his left arm was shoulder deep in Lyra.
"Ok, first of all, are you alright in there?" Redheart asked with genuine concern.
"My head is lodged all the way up my soon to be ex-marefriend's vag while my left arm is somehow all the way inside a pony who has tried to rape me on several occasions, you tell me who would be feeling alright in this situation." He spoke in a dry and annoyed tone, his voice muffled.
Rainbow chuckled nervously and tried to ignore the pleasure she was getting from feeling Anon's mouth moving inside of her. Lyra just pouted and crossed her forelegs.
"I just wanted to try it after hearing what happened with you two last week." Lyra muttered.
"Your ass is going straight to jail after this, then you can be fisted all you want by your bulky cellmate named Shanikwa Shanky." Anon spat angrily at the mint coloured mare.
Redheart cleared her throat and turned around slightly, fighting the growing urge to laugh hysterically. "Well, let's get you to a private room where we can sort this out, as long as Rainbow Dash doesn't overreact to the needles this time you should be fine."
"N-Needles?" Rainbow squeaked in fear, tightening her whole body.
"Dash! Don't you fucking dare!" Anon shouted in both fear and anger, he did not want a repeat of his right arm.
"B-But you know how much I hate needles!"
"Dash I swear to Christ if you freak out again I will bite off your ovaries!" He yelled while clenching his fists, which caused Lyra to react and accidentally fire a beam from her horn.
Everyone paused as they all turned to the large hole in the wall that was caused by the blast. Anon then clenched his left fist again and Lyra fired out another beam.
"Anon, what are you thinking?" Redheart asked cautiously, backing away in fear.
Anon smiled wickedly, but of course no one could see as his face was still enveloped in rainbow kooch.
2 Days later
As a pack of Timberwolves ran through Ponyville, destroying houses and trying to kill the ponies, a tall, disturbing looking figure stood in their way.
A wolf leapt forward only to be obliterated by a blue beam.
Anon stood with Rainbow on his head, Lyra and Starlight on his arms, and finally the royal sisters on his legs. "I am the ultimate! Fear me! For I am Anonymous! Voltron of Friendship and Horse Pussy!" He yelled at the top of his lungs as he slaughtered the Timberwolves with his newfound unstoppable power.
Author's Note
Don't ask why, there is no reason that will excuse me for making this, I just got really ahead of myself
You're welcome
If ya need more of my stupid ideas, try Taste Testing
All the ponies in the Ponyville Hospital waiting room could only look on in amusement, blush in embarrassment, hide their laugher or cover their foals eyes as the resident human walked through the entrance. Sighing to himself, Anon slowly made his way up to the receptionist's desk.
"Could you maybe pick up the pace big guy?" He heard Rainbow Dash complain.
"Well the last time I walked faster than this you couldn't handle it, and I don't need this grip on me getting any tighter, I'd prefer if my JO hand didn't need to get amputated thank you very much." Anon groaned. His day was going so well too, he got off work early, for once Derpy didn't crash through his roof when delivering his mail, he found a neat hat and he was going to have hot, sweaty, intense sex with his marefriend.
Who was now stuck on his arm while he was elbow deep in her gash.
He didn't even know he could get that far, none of these ponies were even half his size. His current working theory was that ponies had magic portals at the end of their wombs that led to a world filled with foals. While it was a stupid theory, he needed something to keep himself entertained as he walked around with Rainbow stuck on his arm looking like the most adorable sock puppet ever.
This was the last time he would let Rainbow convince him of something so stupid. Although if he was being honest with himself, he knew that was a lie, the pegasus always found a way to drag him into one of her schemes that usually led to one of them getting sent to the hospital. He wouldn't be surprised if the doctors and nurses had started taking bets on which one of them would get sent their way next.
Upon reaching the receptionist, the mare looked up with a smile before her jaw dropped at what was standing in front of her. Her eyes darted back and forth between them and occasionally glanced down to where the two were connected. A huge blush formed on her face as she tried to talk.
"Just...get us Redheart." Rainbow muttered while trying to look somewhat composed, despite that everyone was looking at her while her coltfriend was wearing her like a glove. Oh the amount of muppet jokes he would be making of this had happened to someone else.
The mare behind the desk nodded and scrambled off to fetch the requested nurse. The two were left waiting in awkward silence, that is until Rainbow started to complain of course.
"Can you please stop moving your wrist? You're just making this worse." She stated while her blush deepened, trying to ignore the feeling of Anon rolling his wrist around in her womb. She was at least 70 percent sure she'd need some kind of surgery or a special cast for vaginas after this was over.
"If I don't move it, it's gonna cramp up." Anon retorted with an annoyed tone.
"If you don't stop, I'm going to clamp up." Rainbow answered back with a bit of a snarl.
Fighting off the growing temptation to flex his fingers, Anon stopped moving his wrist and sighed. "We need to start using better lube." He said as a mare and her foal walked by. The mare covered her child's eyes and ears while giving a glare to Anon. "Oh don't look at me like that, the kid is gonna have to learn this stuff eventually." The mare growled and hurried her child along. "Oh don't even act like you're having a more shit day than us!"
"Anon, babe, you gotta calm down, you're scaring and scarring the children and some of the adults." Rainbow said gently while stroking Anon's head with a wing, which was the only limb she could move without causing her walls to scrape against Anon's now soaking wet arm that she had in a vice grip.
"But other people need to know I'm in a bad mood so they won't bother meeeeee..." Anon moaned comically while pouting.
"You can bitch and moan after we get your fist out of my plot, now could you please not draw anymore attention to us than you already have?"
"I could make you infertile right now if I wanted to, I really could." Anon muttered as he gently kicked the receptionist's desk. As soon as he did, the receptionist mare entered the room and trotted back to her desk. "Dash...I think I have the power to magically summon receptionist ponies if I kick their desks." Anon gasped out in a whisper.
"Pfft." Rainbow chuckled slightly. "You're so weird."
"Says the one who is currently trying to suck me up like some reverse vore creature." Anon replied cheekily, both glad the mood had become slightly more pleasant.
The receptionist ignored what she could about what was just said and respressed the rest as she told the two that Nurse Redheart was ready to see them.
"Let's hope she takes this seriously." Both said to each other as Anon opened the door to a hallway, both ready to have this situation taken care of.
"Aha! Aha! Ahahahahahaaaaa! I...I just...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Redheart gasped out barely audible words in between her uncontrollable laughter, rolling around on her office floor while clutching her sides.
Anon and Rainbow just stared at her in both disappointment and growing hatred.
"You done?" Anon asked unimpressed.
Redheart tried to forcefully compose herself, trying to suppress her seemingly endless laughter. When she had calmed down enough, she stood up straight and cleared her throat. "Ha...haha...haaaaaa...yeah, I think I'm ok...snicker." Both just shook their heads at the mare. "I'm...I'm so sorry, it's just, pfft, you look like an angry hoofpuppet!" She laughed while pounding her hoof into her desk.
"I'm gonna shove her head up her ass." Rainbow muttered in anger.
"Easy girl, eeeeeasy." Anon whispered while stroking his marefriends mane, trying to calm her growing rage. "Hey Redheart, you got a small black cloth or something? I want to see if covering her head like a hawk will calm her down." He joked, earning him a kick in the side. "Ow. Ok, serious time, you need to calm down and help us, if you don't either Dash is going to kill you or I'm going to lose my jerk off hand, probably both given my track record with luck."
Redheart had finally calmed herself down, and moved towards the two to get a proper look at what she was dealing with. "Right, ok, let me see." She said as she put on her glasses and moved around them. "Well, the easiest option is to amputate the arm and hope it slides out when going limp."
"Nope!" Anon yelled out in fear. "You aren't taking Righty away from me! We have such a long and intimate history! Plus it's my writing hand so if it's gone I'm pretty much fucked."
"Why not just learn to write with your other hand then?" Redheart asked as she reached for her saw.
"I'm too lazy."
"Also, this hand is like magic with preening my wings, scratching my ears or scratching certain other itches, if you catch my drift." Rainbow added with a wink.
"Rainbow Dash, your coltfriend's arm is lodged so far up your vagina I'm not sure it's even physically possible, there's no need to be subtle about your sexual activity." Redheart stated as she made Anon sit down to allow her to examine more closely. "We could try sedating Rainbow, her body going limp would most likely release the grip she has on you, or..." She trailed off with a light blush.
"Or what?" The two asked with raised eyebrows.
"You could make Rainbow climax enough to leak enough natural lube to let you slip out of her."
"Already tried that, just made the grip tighter." Rainbow sighed.
"Pretty sure my forearm is completely blue from lack of blood getting to it now..." Anon whined as he started to lose feeling in his arm.
"This may take a while..." Redheart groaned.
1 day later
Anon sat in his living room, looking unamused as he brushed his left hand over the stitches on his right arm just above his elbow. Rainbow sat next to him with a sheepish smile.
"So...um...sorry I kinda freaked out when they brought out the needles..." Rainbow spoke with a nervous chuckle.
Anon remained silent as he took in a breath.
"But hey, at least they were able to reattach it good as new...although it wouldn't have needed to be cut off if I hadn't thrown a fit over the sedative..."
Anon still remained silent.
Rainbow thought for a moment before sighing. "Apology blowjob?"
"Apology deepthroat." Anon corrected with a stern tone.
Rainbow sighed and jumped off of the couch and put her head between her coltfriend's legs.
So, the lesson to be learned here ladies is that even if you accidentally cause your man's arm to be cut off, apology blowjobs make everything better, and for the love of Celestia, use lube.
Author's Note
Take a horrible idea and just toss it out there for all to see.
Hope at least some of you enjoyed this shitshow XD
