Author's Note

You're not ready for this farce...

"If you're concerned for someone, THEN DON'T STARE."

Twilight, James, Spike, and Frag Cat were all sitting at the dining room table at the library, pouring themselves a bowl of oats for breakfast. Twilight levitated a carton of milk from the refrigerator while Spike got a reserve of small emerald shards to sprinkle into his own bowl. James took the box after them and poured himself some oats before handing the box to Frag Cat, who got ready to pour himself a bowl, but paused when he saw how much James had poured himself: roughly the same amount Twilight had-- a half a bowl. The bowls themselves were less than a foot wide in diameter and only a few inches tall.

"You're having a second bowl, right?" the puppycat asked James quietly. He frowned as James shot him a pointed glance, his expression difficult to read. Sighing quietly, he poured himself a bowl of cereal; James put some milk in his own bowl before eating.

After James chewed and swallowed his first bite, he spoke. "So, what's the agenda for today? Anything interesting you're planning to study?" he asked Twilight.

The unicorn smiled. "Well, actually my schedule for the week is actually pretty loose. So I was thinking of seeing if the girls wanted to do anything together today."

"Oh cool. That sounds good," he replied as she took a bite of cereal. Frag Cat could only nod in agreement, his mouth full of cereal. "Anything particular in mind?"

"Well, no, not really. Maybe we could have a picnic? I was hoping one of you or the girls would have an idea on what we could do...?" she trailed off, looking at him questioningly as she took another bite of cereal.

James shrugged. "Um... The... Ehhh... Yeah, I'm not really sure. I guess I'm not too familiar with Ponyville's entertainment locations. Frag Cat?" he asked as he looked at the puppycat, who had just put a spoonful of oats into his mouth.

The puppycat in question's eyes lit up before he swallowed the cereal without even chewing. Though his facial expression didn't change, it looked like it was really painful. He tapped his paw against his chin with a thoughtful look. "Well... when does the next rodeo start?" he asked eagerly, his tail swishing.

Twilight chuckled at Frag Cat's enthusiasm. "I think you'll have to ask Applejack about that one." She turned to the baby dragon who hadn't said much since everyone started eating. "What about you Spike? Any ideas?"

Spike, who seemed to be staring in James's direction, blinked upon his name being called. "Huh? Oh. I guess we could see a movie or something...," he scratched the back of his head. "Uh, James?" James's brow twitched as he looked up from his bowl. "Why are you eating your cereal with a fork?"

Twilight looked at the eating utensil James was using, and sure enough it was a fork, and not a spoon. She mentally asked herself how she didn't notice it earlier.

James smirked at the dragon. "Is that why you were so quiet? You had me worried for a second! But to answer your question, I like to be able to drink all the milk after I'm done eating the cereal. Not as enjoyable when you're scooping most of it up and eating it with your cereal."

"You know, that's actually pretty clever," Twilight smiled.

James smiled Cheerfully at the compliment. "Well, it's a little more difficult with brands whose cereal are smaller... but I really don't care, I enjoy it nonetheless."

"Besides," Frag Cat spoke up. "James eats almost everything with a fork. Ice cream, oatmeal, honey buns, sandwiches, potato chips, soup... the list goes on."

"He's right," James shrugged indifferently before continuing to eat his cereal.

"Well that's... different...," Spike said slowly.

Before anyone could continue the conversation, they heard knock on the door. "This is a library, you don't have to knock," Twilight called out." Frag Cat wasn't sure if whoever was on the outside could hear her, but his doubt was short-lived as they heard the door open.

"Where are you guys?" a male voice called out.

"We're in the the dining room, Blue Star," James called back.

The sound of footsteps got closer until they saw him enter the doorway to the dining room. "Um... 'sup?" he asked with an awkward smile.

"Hello, Blue Star!" Twilight smiled and waved, Spike following suit as Frag Cat leaned forward to see past James.

However, James only sighed, suddenly looking exasperated. "Alright, what did you do this time?" he asked flatly.

"I didn't do anything," Blue Star said defensively, failing to contain his growing smile. This was only a confirmation for James that he was hiding something. He wasn't very good at lying.

"What did you do?" James repeated, narrowing his eyes.

Blue Star's chuckled in resignation. "Alright alright. I... kind of unintentionally led your cousin to Equestria when I headed here," he explained, his uncertain smile turning into a grimace.

James stared blankly and blinked. "Oh. Well, I suppose whether or not that pisses me off depending on which cousin your talking about.

"Yyyyyeeeaahh...," Blue Star said slowly with a nervous smile and stepped to the right, no longer blocking the entrance to the dining room. A figure that was around James's height stepped in. He wore an orange hat and shirt, with black overalls and shoes, and a strange sight that was the grey bow tie that adorned his neck. Lastly, his hat was not marked with a letter, but a bold question mark.

His mouth remained closed. He didn't speak a single word, didn't make any noise other than him walking into the room. Usually being very quiet upon meeting someone they didn't initially know would indicate that they nervous or shy, but this person didn't look shy at all. Unexpected to everyone, but unsurprising to the other guys, he smirked, pulled out a tape recorder, and pressed a button that caused it to play a suspenseful tune.

Everyone blankly stared at the newcomer before James turned back to Blue Star and said with a deadpan, "Okay, you had every right to be nervous." He sighed and turned to the others. It looked like he had to do yet another introduction. "Guys, this is my cousin-- Delarious. Long intro short... I'm not gonna lie, I can't really describe him for you." He turned to his cousin. "Delarious, this is Spike the Dragon."

Delarious Cheerfully slid across the floor over to where Spike and Twilight sat. "Oh, that's real nice," he stuck out his hand.

"Uh... thanks?" Spike shook his hand.

"And this," James gestured to the unicorn next to the dragon, "is Twilight Sparkle."

Delarious looked at her quizzically before looking at James. "...Sparkleface?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Spike put his claws to his mouth as he tried to stifle a laugh. Not amused at her assistant, Twilight was going to politely correct Delarious, but James snorted and smirked. "Yes, her last name is 'Sparkle.'"

"James, he said 'Sparkleface,'" Twilight said flatly.

"Yeah, that's the thing," Blue Star clarified. "He only speaks in references and quotes."

"But what is Sparkleface a reference to?" the unicorn asked, wondering if she should've felt offended.

"That's actually a good question," James held his hand to his chin in thought. "I think it was... no... wait for it... yeah, I got nothin'. I'm not much of a cartoon person anymore."

Blue Star deadpanned. "It was from Tee--"

POW!

James put his revolver back while Blue Star begrudgingly rubbed his shoulder. "Yep, hazy memory."

Twilight and Spike responded with a silent, flat stare. The silence carried on for a few seconds, until it became uncomfortable. Blue Star and Delarious broke it by awkwardly coughing into their fist in perfect sync, causing everyone else to look at them in slight disbelief for a few more awkward seconds.

"F*** my life," James muttered under his breath before loudly clearing his throat. "So Blue Star, why are you here?"

"Because we're here, roll the bones," Delarious answered flatly.

James facepalmed with a quick hiss of laughter; Blue Star looked at Delarious in confusion before answering, "I was hoping Twilight had a few adventure books to loan," he pulled out his notebook and gestured to it. "I needed ideas and a little inspiration for some of my drawings I'm planning to make."

"And Delarious is here for the ride apparently?" Frag Cat asked rhetorically.

"Give the boy a prize!" Delarious answered Cheerfully.

"Well, why don't we go see the rest of the girls first," James suggested. "We were planning on seeing what they were up to. Plus, you can introduce my cousin."

"He's your cousin, why can't you do it?" Blue Star argued.

Delarious interjected, "Do it, or I'll have you discharged!"

"Alright!" James exclaimed. "Fine, I'll do it. Sheesh, I can never catch a break..."

"An elephant never forgets... you've got mail!" Delarious held up a small black envelope. James's eye lit up before he nearly snatched the letter from his cousin's grasp.

"Oh yeah, that was in you guys' mailbox," Blue Star explained.

James mentally thanked Atario for making a mailbox for the library. He could already tell what it was due to the lack of a stamp, address, or any other information on the cover. "It's a notification."

Conscience stepped out from behind James. "Did someone say 'notification'?" he said with a yawn and a stretch.

"Notification?" Spike asked.

"What notification?" Twilight asked. Frag Cat and Blue Star also looked at him in curiosity. Delarious was just smugly(?) shifting his hat up and down on his head, over and over.

"I only started getting these recently. It's usually just a letter with a different saying," James said. It was part of the truth. "I've only gotten a few of these. But they're specifically for me."

"So, what's that one say?" Frag Cat asked.

"Well, let's find out," James said, inwardly feeling extremely uncomfortable about reading something-- that was supposed to be very personal-- to his friends and family. He tore open the top, and pulled out the letter... then Delarious snatched the empty envelope.

"And, here's your question," he tossed it, causing it to sail out of the window like a paper airplane.

James stared after the envelope until it was out of sight before glaring at Delarious. "What the f***!" he exclaimed. "Delarious, you shouldn't do that, that's littering!"

His berated cousin was not looking at him, but at the corner of the wall to his right. "I didn't do that," he monotoned with an indifferent expression.

James paused before Facewhipping with his free hand. He made a mental note to throw the envelope away when they left to see the rest of the girls, as he and Conscience looked at the letter. He read it to himself (and tried not to make the involuntary shudder that followed too noticeable) before saying out loud, "It says 'Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, but how much too much really is depends on the one who has the experience or makes the encounter.' See? Completely random. Sometimes it can be an entertaining read." Conscience looked at him with utter confusion, but James only responded with an Epic Shrug.

"But all things considered, we should get out a dodge and stop procrastinating before we waste the day away," he continued, staring out the window with a serious expression. Everyone else uttered their own words of agreement... except Delarious, who Cheerfully nodded with so much vigor that his hat nearly flew off his head.

While the original foursome finished their cereal and got ready to leave, James sighed quietly and cast a second glance at the letter, noting what it actually read as Conscience merged with him.

Nature is a lovely thing. The forest is beautiful this time of the year. But if someone's not careful, I'll be on them like Poison Ivy.

Twilight, Spike (who was on her back), and the guys all walked down the cobblestone road of Ponyville. Frag Cat and Blue Star were in the back of the group listening to Best Friend on a small radio, with Delarious Cheerfully nodding along to the song in front of them.

In the front with the unicorn and dragon, James gave a small smile as he looked at the sky. It was almost completely clear, save for a stray cloud or two. Celestia's bright sun in the sky cast its bright, warm rays over the town, giving off a very joyful atmosphere. "What a beautiful day." (A red exclamation mark appeared above Delarious, whose eyes widened before he suddenly whirled around and punched the radio off of Frag Cat's back, breaking it much to Blue Star's chagrin.)

"It really is," Twilight agreed.

"Rainbow Dash must have gotten up early for once and cleared all the clouds away," Spike said.

"Oh, snap!" James Break-dance Kicked.

"I bet all of Ponyville is going to be out enjoying the sunshine."

After a moment, they paused, the guys behind them following suit. "Weird. You'd think we'd've seen at least one pony outside by now," James commented with a quirked eyebrow.

"Hey look, a unicorn!" Delarious pointed towards the left. The others followed his finger to see a dark pinkish purple unicorn filly standing in front of a house... but was suddenly pulled in by an older mare, supposedly her mother. "...Good feeling's gone," he said flatly.

"Is it some sort of pony holiday?" Spike asked as the group continued walking.

"Not that I know of," Twilight answered looking into an alley.

"Does my breath stink?" the purple dragon belched a small flame, sniffing at the air where it dissipated.

"Not more than usual," Twilight answered.

"Hey, that's not very nice," James smirked at the librarian.

"Is it... zombies!?" Spike grimaced in fear at the thought.

"I'm gonna eat your brain and gain your knowledge," Delarious smirked.

"Gah!" the poor dragon jumped back nearly falling off of Twilight, but James caught him and placed him back on top of her.

"That'd be the day," James snorted. "Psh. Zombies. If that nonexistent day ever comes where a zombie charges at one of us, I'll seize that son of a bitch by the neck and shove a grenade into its--"

"Psst."

Everyone stopped and looked around, trying to find the source of the new voice.

"Twilight!" Pinkie Pie hissed as her head shot up from behind the bottom half of the Sugarcube Corner's entrance, but hid just as quickly. "Spike!!" her head bounced in and out of view again. "Guys!" A third time. "Come here! Come, here! Hurry! Before she gets you!" the pink mare nervously peeked around outside before pulling back in. The six all jumped inside one at a time, James closing the door on the way inside.

Unlike how everyone who had been to Sugarcube Corner were used to, the sweet-laden cafe's lights were all off, casting the interior of the place in near-complete darkness. The little source of light provided to them was from the sunlight that barely seeped through the curtains of a window in the room, which wasn't much.

"Who? The zombie pony?" Spike asked while Delarious made a funny face as a light flashed on them all.

"Zombie pony?" Pinkie asked as she held the flashlight to her face. Spike mistook this response for a affirmation and frantically held Twilight tighter.

"Spike, there are no zombie ponies," she glared at him before turning to Pinkie. "Pinkie, what are you doing here alone in the dark?"

"I'm not alone in the dark," Pinkie said. As the new patrons' eyes adjusted to the dark, they noticed a multiple figures behind them.

"Aah!" James jumped back in surprise, ready to punch someone; but relaxed when he realized it was just Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack and a familiar yellow filly with a large pink bow in her red mane. He recognized the filly as Applejack's younger sister, Apple Bloom.

"Okay then, what are you all doing here in the dark?" Twilight asked, looking confused.

"We're hiding from her," Applejack pointed at the window before opening it. A figure cloaked with a brown hood was digging at the ground with its hoof, a tiny hole to show for it. The hood did not completely cover its legs, revealing its limbs to be black and white-striped, one adorned with numerous golden rings.

Fluttershy stayed behind as Rarity, Pinkie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Spike peered at the creature with apprehension. Delarious, Apple Bloom, Blue Star, and Frag Cat followed suit, more with curiosity than trepidation. James and Twilight looked outside with serious expressions.

Without warning, the figure paused and looked in their direction, causing everyone to gasp and hide. All except Twilight, who gave the girls a flat look; Frag Cat, who was trying to understand what was so scary; James, who simply turned away as not to stare; and Delarious who jumped back and exclaimed "Dr. Dre!" causing the guys to look at him in utter confusion.