The Elements of Incompetence

PLOP! PLOP! PLOP!

The sound of water dropping from a leak on the ceiling was driving Sunburst insane. PLIP!, PLAP!, PLOP!, repeat. At least I'm not outside, he thought. But it was his last night in the dungeon, he'd have to leave soon.

As weird as it may sound, Sunburst had enjoyed his stay at the dungeon. Sure, it was dark, wet, and had around two or three pony skeletons inside every cell, but it was better than being outside, under the rain, under everypony's judgement. He even considered using the bad weather as an excuse to stay a little longer, just for a few days, until the whole "affair" was over. He just wasn't ready to deal with what he had caused.

Sunburst heard a pony coming into the dungeon. He got out of his corner and peeked through the bars, hoping for a familiar face. He could only see a silhouette whose features, though distorted by the movement of the torch flame, were still recognisable. It was a royal guard, that was evident. A pegasus guard, probably coming to get him out of the dungeon. Once the guard crossed the entrance Sunburst proved that it was, indeed, a familiar face. But he wasn't pleased. At all.

"Sunburst?" The pegasus asked. "Are you in here?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm right here. Congratulations." Sunburst replied with a what-are-you-doing-here-y tone.

"Sunburst!"

"Flash Sentry."

"There you are, I've been wandering around this place for hours looking for you!" Flash Sentry walked closer to Sunburst's cell.

"Oh, poor creature! Come in! Want a drink? I was about to have some rain water with Mister Skull here." Sunburst levitated a pony skull and brought it closer to Flash. "Say hi, Mister Skull!"

"Ga-ah! Quit that!" Flash Sentry backed.

Sunburst put Mister Skull back on the ground. "That wasn't very chivalrous from you, Flash Sentry."

Flash grunted.

"Whatever. What could have possibly made me worthy of your pleasurable presence today?"

"What? Uh–" Flash cleared his throat and stood straight. "Princess Celestia assigned me to escort you out of here," he said in his best guard voice.

"Fine." Sunburst opened the door and walked to the exit.

"Wait, it was– Hey, stop right there, criminal!"

"Oh, come on!" grunted Sunburst, turning to Flash. "You know I'm no criminal! Or... not a dangerous one, at least... Can we go back to the Crystal Empire already?"

"The Crystal Empire will wait a little longer. The princess wants to see you."

Princess Celestia kept a stern, unexpressive face. She examined all four of the ponies present from her throne, swinging her eyes from side to side. The air in the room felt warm and heavy, and the silence left much to be desired. Outside the castle, lots of fighting and screaming and fire-ing and mourning took place.

One of the anonymous attendants, an earth pony, whispered at the mare on his side's ear. "I think she hasn't blinked in ten minutes!"

The mare, also and earth pony, didn't bother to look at her partner, and instead pushed him towards a near pegasus.

"Hey, I don't wanna stand next to the nerd!" Whined the pegasus.

"That's adventure book connoisseur for you, wimpy Wonderbolt wannabe!" Alliterated the earth stallion.

"Wimpy?! Oh, I'll show you how much of a wimpy wannabe I am!" She threw a punch at the stallion, who bumped against the aforementioned earth pony in his attempt to avoid the attack, causing a fight between the three.

A unicorn mare glanced at the childish group and took a step forward. "Excuse me, princess?" She gulped.

"Yes, Moondancer?" Asked Princess Celestia, smiling gently.

"Why did you convene us?"

"All your doubts will be answered in due time." She used her magic to separate the fighting foals. "For now, let's focus on waiting for your guide."

"Our guide?"

"PRINCESS CELESTIA!" Screamed a royal guard, bursting into the room.

"GAA!" Exclaimed the princess, vaporizing the guard out of existence with a panic-powered magic beam.

Another guard peeked from the door. "Uh..."

"Oh– Oh, dear me! Sorry, the latest events have got me a little... unsettled," Celestia excused. "What's wrong?"

"Flash Sentry has arrived with the prisoner."

"Oh, perfect! Please, tell them to come in."

The royal guard bowed and exited the room. After him entered Flash Sentry and Sunburst.

Sunburst stood behind Flash Sentry, ears back, head hanging low. Admittedly, he wasn't worried that the princess would see him so... down. After all, she had already seen his worst moments back at magic school. The other ponies, however, knew nothing about him. With some luck they would be familiar with the "saving the Crystal Empire" thing, but as far as Sunburst knew, in their eyes he was just the pony responsible for Equestria's fall. He preferred not to look at them, and remained silent, eyes fixed on the floor.

"Sunburst and Flash Sentry, please join our guests in front of my throne. Now that we're all present..." Princess Celestia stood up and walked towards the six ponies. "I believe most of you must be wondering why I needed you to come here."

"I'm definitely clueless!" Exclaimed the self-proclaimed book connoisseur.

"Ahem. Yes. Well, I think there's no need to explain the current... circumstances."

"No, like I said, I'm clueless. I withdrew myself from the world for two days to read A.K. Yearling's latest book – a train wreck, by the way – and when I finished Equestria had reached its doom. Could you... fill me in?"

Princess Celestia grunted. "Three days ago–"

Sunburst rised his hoof.

"Yes, Sunburst?"

"Can I go out to swim in my pity?"

"Uh, sure. Flash Sentry, could you accompany him?"

"Yes, ma'am," replied Flash Sentry. He put one of his wings over Sunburst's back and walked him to the exit.

Once they were out, Sunburst closed the door.

"What's the matter Sunbie Wunbie, can't bare the weight of your own actions?" Joked Flash with pretended compassion.

"No. I-I mean, yes. I mean– I don't need to hear my latest mistake narrated by the princess, I'm done with that story, I already lived it. A thousand times. In my nightmares." Sunburst sat on the floor. "Geez, now I almost understand why Starlight behaves the way she does.Almost."

"Woah, sorry," he retracted. "Do you need a hug?"

"No, thanks. I'm done with you too."

"Fine." Flash sat beside Sunburst. "Well, seems like the princess will take some time explaining what you did. How about you explain me WHY you did it?"

"I already said I'm done with both you and that story."

"No, there's a difference. You said you're done with the what, not the why."

Sunburst sighed. "Whatever. I don't think it will be any different from talking to my therapist."

"Huh?"

"It all started when I was a young colt. Back in my hometown, I was–"

"Summary please," requested Flash.

Sunburst grumbled and settled in his spot. "I did it because..." he looked around, trying to find the right words, "because I felt unwanted. You see, when you spend most of your life sight unseen as I have, other ponies' attention becomes a treasure. When I helped save the Crystal Empire, I got that attention and appreciation. The idea to lose that, I couldn't bare it. And after seeing how everypony adored Starlight and her friends at the We-saved-Equestria-and-Starlight-Graduation-Party I just... I got a little jealous. So I tried to retrieve my praise by doing something heroic, and since you stole my first chance, I had to go with plan B. And well, you know what happens next." He got up. "I guess it's for the better. It was about time for somepony to pop my bubble and tell me I can't be a hero..." Sunburst turned around and looked at Flash Sentry. "So... Thank you. This is all your fault."

Flash Sentry was touched. "Woah... I had no idea your life had– wait, my fault? Hey, don't try to blame me, you got–" He was interrupted by a creak from the door.

"Hey, stop smooching, Celestia needs you in the room," said the previous pegasus mare.

Sunburst frowned and hurried into the room, followed by Flash Sentry. Princess Celestia was now looking through a parchment, waiting for her guests to come. Flash Sentry announced their arrival once again, and both stallions returned to their place in front of the princess' throne.

Princess Celestia cleared her throat. "Now that we're all reunited– uh, and updated..." She rolled the parchment and used it to smack Sunburst in the head.

"Hey!" Complained Sunburst.

"You're a careless little rat!" Scolded Princess Celestia.

"It's Flash Sentry's fault!"

Flash Sentry took the princess' parchment and hit Sunburst with it.

"Let the adults talk, Flash Sentry!" Sunburst snatched the parchment from Flash Sentry and hit him with it.

"COULD YOU STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF FOALS AND TELL US WHY WE'RE HERE ALREADY?!" Screamed Moondancer, surrounding the troublemaking trio with her magic.

"Sorry," they said in concert.

Moondancer put them down, Celestia retrieved the parchment from Sunburst's magic and Flash Sentry pushed him back to the group.

"Like I was saying..." Princess Celestia sat in her throne, unrolled the parchment and read it out loud. "Today, I have convened you because... Impending doom... Eternal crisis... Dead is upon us... Oh, who cares?" She crumpled the parchment and threw it away. "We're running out of time, ponies. Our kingdom is in danger, and it's not some two-parter threat, it's a made-for-television movie menace! We've lost our best hero, without Twilight–"

"Duskhorn," corrected Sunburst.

"Without Duskhorn," continued the princess, "I'm afraid we're heading straight into failure. We attempted to dispatch Starlight Glimmer, Trixie, Thorax and Discord to take charge of Lavan, but it seems the latter has dissapeared. Duskhorn, well... she discovered her improvised army wasn't going to work and set her eyes on taking on Tirek all by herself. Meanwhile, Grogar has completely devastated the Damagesparkian Empire formerly known as Ponyville and has now targetted Canterlot as the next victim of his thirst for power."

"So, in short, you want us get out there and be Equestria's next heroes?" Asked the pegasus mare.

"Don't worry, princess." Flash Sentry did a military salute with one of his wings. "We won't let you down."

"No, no. I appreciate your loyalty, Flash Sentry, but what I need is time. Half of the kingdom has already accepted their death, the other has yet to realize that Equestria is no more. Or at least it won't be, if we keep going at this rate. That's why I need you."

"Anything you need us to do, princess, we'll do it."

"Right now I need you to shut up, Flash Sentry."

"On it!"

"Like I was saying..." Princess Celestia stood up and walked towards the six ponies. "Throughout your lives as minor characters you have showed exceptional characteristics. There's something inside each one of you that makes you stand out from the rest, an element best represented only by your own true essence." She walked to the first pony in the line. "Limestone Pie, the oldest of four sisters and manager of the Pie Family Rock Farm. A hard worker, although your inner anger doesn't bring out the best in you at times. You shall represent the Element of Rage."

"Can I go home now?" Asked Limestone.

"Lightning Dust, if I had to describe you with one word it would be 'confident', however, 'reckless' might be a better option. Your own lack of empathy and precaution crushed your dreams to become a Wonderbolt. I name you Element of Recklessness."

Lightning Dust replied with nothing but a sigh.

"Quibble Pants, I know nopony who would defend their interests with as much passion as you."

"Well, 'passion' is one word to describe it," grumbled Lightning.

"Yes. And 'annoyingness' is another. This shall be your element, carry it with pride."

Quibble Pants was puzzled. "Princess, I–"

"Moondancer. One of my most clever, talented and focused students. But as prodigious as you were, you were also doubtful. It was this doubt, this self doubt that eventually led to your total isolation. Let it lead you again as your element."

"Should... Should I be thankful...?"

"Not at all." Celestia turned around and stumbled upon Flash Sentry.

"I will pridefully accept all of your insults, my princess," he said.

"Oh, Flash Sentry, such a committed member of the royal guard. But I believe you know commitment can't get you anywhere by itself."

"You are most certainly right, your majesty!"

She giggled. "But you make a good obstacle. Let others stumble upon you, element of hindrance."

Sunburst chuckled as he heard the princess say this.

"Sunburst, I'm impressed, this is the first time I see you smile in a while. I believe you see some truth in my words."

"You are most certainly right, your majesty," he parodied.

"And I see you enjoy sass, that's something I didn't expect from you. It can be a pleasure to have you around, however, this is not the reason I called your presence today."

"I don't doubt it."

"Rage, recklessness, annoyingness, self doubt, hindrance. Do all these words remind you of something?"

"Yes," Sunburst replied, "my life."

"Yes! Pure incompetence! You see, Sunburst, throughout your days at magic school and now with your last... fall, you" – Princess Celestia walked away – "have taught me– no, us... a great lesson."

A tiny smile appeared in Sunburst's lips. He followed the princess, interested in what she was saying. "Yeah? What is it?"

"That no matter how many times you fail, you can always fail again."

Sunburst's ears dropped as his sprouting smile turned into a dissapointed frown. "And you're telling me this because...?"

"Because there cannot be incompetence without failure."

"Wait," interrupted Quibble Pants, "shouldn't that be the other way around?"

"No, I think they are synonyms." Flash looked at his partners. "They are symonyms, right?"

"What did I say, Flash Sentry?" Asked Princess Celestia.

"That you needed me to shut up, princess, ma'am."

"Yes." Princess Celestia turned back to Sunburst. "I'm telling you this because now it is your duty to lead this ponies as the Element of Failure."

"The Element of Failure? W-wait. LEAD? ME?!"

The princess ignored Sunburst's questions and went back to her throne.

"Princess!" He followed her. "Princess, I can't lead! I can't even make my own choices, and when I do, I make BAD choices!"

"Oh, Sunburst..." She held Sunburst's face with one forehoof. "I know this seems dark and scary, specially for a pony like you, but these ponies need a guide and I chose you for a reason. You caused this, and it is your responsibility to fix it, not only because it's the right thing to do, but because you need it."

Sunburst let out a reluctant sigh. As unsure as he was, the princess was right. "Fine..."

"Believe in yourself, Sunburst. You can do this." Celestia spread her wings and, with one light push, rose over the six element bearers. "Now go out there my subjects, be the bait Equestria needs right now as the Elements of Incompetence!"

"Wait, what?"