The Elements of Incompetence

Sunburst, Flash Sentry, Moondancer, Quibble Pants, Lightning Dust and Limestone Pie were walking down the hall, heading towards the exit. Flash Sentry was ahead of the group, guiding them through the castle. Princess Celestia asked him to do this, as he was the only one of the six who, as a royal guard, patrolled the palace once every two or three months. So he kept his head up, marching like it was the Summer Sun Celebration Parade.

Lightning Dust didn't quite understand his behavior. "He was just chosen as one of Equestria's most incompetent ponies and is guiding the other five," she whispered at Moondancer's ear, "why does he look so proud?"

"Because I like to make a big deal out of small achievements so I don't feel inferior," Flash Sentry cut Moondancer before she could even talk.

"And you also like to give out unsolicited facts about yourself, I see."

"Revealing awkward secrets makes others feel less awkward around me. I like to come across as a friendly guy, somepony with whom you can be honest, you know."

"Rriiight..." Lightning Dust rolled her eyes. "So, what's the plan, Mr. Friendly Guy?"

"That's up to Sunburst."

Everypony turned to Sunburst, who was about four meters behind. He was abstracted, crestfallen, walking slowly.

"He is supposed to lead us? Boy, that guy is dead inside," said Lightning through a mocking chuckle.

"C'mon, you're underestimating him! He's not that dead once you get to know him. Uh–" Flash looked around, trying to find a way to convince his skeptical pals that Sunburst was, indeed, alive and a good guy. "Oh! Did I tell you about the time he saved the Crystal Empire?"

Moondancer's eyes widened from interest. "He did what?"

"What you heard! Here, I'll let him tell you the story. Hey, Sunman!" Flash Sentry waved his forehooves. "Hurry over there pal!"

Sunburst shot an annoyed glare at Flash. Under any other circumstances he would have walked away, but at that moment he had no other choice but to obey. He "hurried" to reach the group, and after a few minutes, he was in front of Flash Sentry. "What do you want?" he asked, irritated.

"We were wondering if you could tell us about the time you saved the Crystal Empire," replied Flash.

Sunburst sighed for the tenth time in the day. "You already know that story."

"But the others–"

Moondancer put a hoof on Flash's back. "Hey, it's okay if he doesn't want to tell. I really think we should be thinking of a plan, actually."

"Oh, right! Hey Sunburst, do you– I mean..." Flash Sentry bowed. "We are awaiting for orders, sire."

Doesn't he ever get tired of being the princess' pet? "I don't have any orders to give. And please don't do that," said Sunburst, tapping Flash's chin with his hoof to get him to stand straight.

But Flash didn't seem bothered by Sunburst's persistent poking. "But the princess personally picked you to be our leader! That puts you in a higher rank than any of the royal guards in this castle."

"Look, Flash Sentry. In any other situation I would have loved to see you bow before me, but right now it just makes me feel uncomfortable. So please stop."

"But–"

"'But Sunburst, you're our leader!' I'M NOT!" outbursted Sunburst. "Maybe you like this situation because, unlike me, you haven't let down everypony who ever had faith in you, but I'd rather be anywhere but here!"

Everypony stayed quiet, eyes open wide, none of them knew how to react to Sunburst's words.

After an awkward silence, Lightning Dust finally decide to open her mouth. "Woah. That's intense. Does anypony else want to share a heartfelt yet disturbing confession?"

"I stole some empty scrolls from the throne room," let out Quibble.

"..."

"I really think we should focus on coming up with a plan..." said Moondancer.

"Rrrgh– Fine!" grunted Sunburst. "Does somepony else want to be the leader? That's fine for me. It's better if I give up now and let one or two ponies down than if I play along this fake and get the same results."

"But isn't that the point? To fail, so others can succeed?" asked Flash Sentry, tilting his head.

"I'll fail in that too."

"Then you'd be succeeding," added Quibble.

"No! I'm trying to say I'm not–"

"Oh, WHO CARES?" shouted Moondancer, stomping her forelegs. She was already tired of trying to be the voice of reason. "The princess said it clearly: the whole point of this group is to distract Grogar. It can't be that hard!"

"Yes!" exclaimed Flash Sentry, shaking his wings. "Let's make that goat wizard think he does right by underestimating Equestria!"

"Actually, he's a ram necromancer. A male sheep specialized in the practice of black magic," clarified Moondancer.

Moondancer's knowledge of the character caught Sunburst's attention. "You know Grogar?" he asked, amazed.

"Of course, he's my favorite villain!"

"MINE TOO!" Sunburst moved his hooves up and down in excitement.

"Well, well, look at you!" Flash nudged Lightning Dust. "See? I told you he wasn't that dead."

"Pfft. Don't push it that far, Flash Sentry. I'm just excited there's one pony in this group who's worth meeting."

Moondancer blushed a bit. "Oh, come on. Everypony who's studied at Princess Celestia's school has read that book. Oh, I wish I could have finished the sequel..."

Sunburst's glasses slipped down his snout. "There's a sequel?"

"Oh, yes! Didn't you know? Well, I can't blame you, it's very rare. Gusty the Ghost. Only a few copies were printed because adults thought it was too 'violent' and 'inappropiate for foals'..." Moondancer pouted resentfully. "I could only read half of it before it was taken out of the school library! I'd do anything to finish it. I just find Grogar particularly..."

"Appealing?"

"Yes! His personality is such a good balance of charisma and villainy..."

"And his motivations? Who knew foals' literature could be so dark!"

The two unicorns' cheerful chat was interrupted by an impulsive comment from Quibble Pants. "Ha! If you think some sheep from a book for little foals is good that's because you haven't read a Daring Do book in your life."

"Shut up!" shouted Sunburst and Moondancer. They both started laughing, and Quibble Pants watched them with a frown.

Moondancer's laugh stopped as she suddenly realized something. "Hey... Princess Celestia said you studied at her school. You don't look much older than me, how come I never saw you?"

"Oh– W-well..." Sunburst stammered and adjusted his glasses. "That's kind of a long story. I–"

"Hey, that's a great idea!" said Flash Sentry. "We can tell stories to pass the time!"

The others didn't take Flash Sentry's suggestion very well. "No!" they replied in concert.

"Aww... Fine." Flash kept walking.

"Nothing personal, Flash." Moondancer followed him. "Let's just get out of here so we can move on to the next step on our mission."

Sunburst sighed in relief and followed his partners.

For the next minutes the six ponies kept walking through the castle. Flash Sentry guided the group, Lightning, Quibble and Limestone did their best to ignore each other, and Sunburst now walked along. Moondancer tried to reach him a few times to continue their chat, but he seemed to be too immersed in his thoughts to actually hear when she talked to him.

Sunburst didn't meet new ponies often. Not ones he would like to be friends with, at least. It stressed him out. Did he have to reveal every detail of his life to avoid coming across as a pony he wasn't? Would that be too weird? And if he didn't, would she find a certain fascination on his mysterious image? Sunburst shivered. It had been a long time since the last time he made a friend. Or, well, since the last time he made one without being pushed by the imminent destruction of a world. Then again, that was the case at that moment.

And as if the pressure of his social insecurities wasn't enough, meeting Moondancer had also made him doubt his decision to give up his leadership. Was it really the best choice? Sunburst didn't know what to do. Maybe Celestia was right. If the only purpose of the Elements of Incompetence is to fail, maybe I am suit for the job. But if we do succeed, would ponies see us as the heroes who made way for victory, or as the losers who thought they could do what nopony couldn't? Will it be dangerous? Oh, this situation gives me the heebie-jeebies. Running away sounds really tempting, but... Sunburst looked at Moondancer from the corner of his eye. Would she want to be his friend if he gave up?

Flash Sentry abruptly stopped, causing the rest of the ponies to bump into each other.

"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?!" exclaimed Limestone, pushing Lightning Dust off her body.

"I, uh..."

"We're lost, aren't we?" Sunburst clapped his hooves. "Congratulations Flash Sentry, you got us all lost!"

"Actually we've been for a while now. I just thought I could put us back on track, but..." he looked around, "I don't think I've seen this part of the castle before."

"So much for Flash Perfect Sentry."

"Wait..." Moondancer walked up to Flash Sentry. "I know this place!"

Sunburst smiled. "You do?"

"Yes! This hall... it leads to the Secret Canterlot Library! My class came here once for a field trip!"

"A SECRET LIBRARY?!" Sunburst's eyes sparkled.

Quibble Pants was skeptical. "So you came to a secret library... on a field trip."

"Ye-yeah, I..." Moondancer chuckled nervously, "I kinda... took an alternative route."

"Hey, I got an idea! Maybe we can do some studying in there! I bet we can find that book you both love."

"Or even the sequel...! Good thought, Flash!"

"Uh, I'm not sure." Sunburst picked some spider web from the door. "This looks... neglected."

"Nopony comes here. It's supposed to be guarded, but the princess sent most of her guards to take the ponies from Canterlot to safety."

"Huh, curious..." Sunburst took a closer look at the door. "It's different from any door lock I've seen before. I dare to think this one was requested specifically for this room. Whatever's inside, Princess Celestia wants it well guarded."

"Or maybe she doesn't want little fillies putting their muddy little hooves all over her precious books," said Limestone Pie as she laid down.

Flash Sentry got closer to Sunburst. "I didn't know you knew about locks."

"Huh, I like to research interesting topics." He adjusted his glasses. "It's a complex one, but a medium-level unicorn could easily open it. I suggest–"

"–Lock Liberty!" Moondancer pushed Flash Sentry away to stand next to Sunburst.

"Exactly!"

Moondancer and Sunburst looked at each other, their muzzles both lit up by big grins. They remained like that, silent, while everypony else stood expectant, waiting for the door to be opened.

"Uh..." Moondancer shook her head and gestured at the lock. "Aren't you going to open it?"

"Oh. R-right, I... I'll just..." Sunburst's voice trembled, he lit his horn. "Back up! I'll... do the thing, with lots of... concentration, agility and... overall magic ability."

Moondancer watched rapt, but her expression changed as she noticed Sunburst's discomfort. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Y-yes! Of course, I-I-I..." Sunburst gulped. "I was just thinking... You're obviously much more qualified for this. Please, do the honor." He bowed and got out of the way.

Moondancer giggled, flattered. "You think?"

"I insist!"

"Fine." She took a few steps back. Strings of magic came out of her horn and into the lock, and she moved it from side to side until... CLICK! The door was finally open. "Haha!"

"See? You did it much better than I would have!"

"Oh, come on!" Moondancer gave Sunburst a friendly punch. "I bet we can both do spells twice as complicated. Easy."

"Haha, yeah!" he fidgeted with his cloak and looked down. "Easy..."

"Well, what are we waiting for?!" Moondancer entered the library, then Flash Sentry, then the rest of the group.

Except for Sunburst. He waited until they were all inside, always keeping an awkward smile. "I think I'll stay here to... contemplate the architecture of this hall," he said as he closed the door. Then he let out a deep, long held sigh.

Meanwhile, inside the Secret Canterlot Library, Moondancer couldn't contain her excitement. Flash Sentry, knowing what was about to happen, covered his ears, and told Quibble, Limestone and Lightning to do the same. They, of course, didn't listen, and were victims of Moondancer's high-pitched squealing.

"Oh, great... That-that crushed my... brain..." Quibble wobbled around and hit a bookshelf, causing a few books to fall over Limestone Pie.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" Limestone piled some books and kicked Quibble's pants with them.

"HAHA! Get him, baby!" cheered Lightning Dust.

"STAY OUT!" she threw more books towards Lightning.

"Hey– No! Stop!" Moondancer, already out of patience, blasted a powerful magic beam. "STOP!" Lightning, Quibble and Limestone stopped fighting, but their conflict shortly resumed before Moondancer could say, "darn it."

"Well, that... Didn't work. But it was impressive!"

"Thank you, Flash." Moondancer panted. "What's wrong with them, why won't they stop fighting!"

"They totally used to date," he said, analyzing the behavior of the three "friends".

"We really need a leader."

"You know, I could be the leader, but Sunburst wouldn't like that."

"Yeah, I wouldn't like that either."

"Huh. Thanks."

"No! I-I mean... We should not disobey the princess. We gotta do this mission by the book."

"You're right but... How are we gonna convince Sunburst to be the leader?"

Moondancer sighed. "I don't know. He seems like such a nice guy, I can't believe he did all of this."

"Yeah, me neither. He's usually pretty weak and coward."

"Hey now, Mr. Perfect, I wanna see you saving an entire empire if you're such a capable individual."

"SUNBURST!" Flash Sentry stuttered, "Whe-when did you..."

"Some minutes ago." Sunburst sat down next to Moondancer and looked at the others. "Uh, are they alright?"

"Oh, don't pay attention to them," replied Moondancer. "Hey, now that you're here we can start searching for the book!"

"Uh, right! Let's go deep into this huge..."

"...beautiful..."

"...so full of stories..."

"...and of knowledge..."

"...library..."

Moondancer and Sunburst looked at each other for a second and then joined their voices in one long squeal, potent enough to stop the others' fight.

And so, the elements of incompetence started searching for the book. And before they could notice, seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, day into night. One by one they decided that it was better to take a break: first Lightning Dust, then Quibble Pants, then Limestone Pie. Flash Sentry tried to convince Moondancer to go to sleep, but she didn't listen. She was too focused in her search. In the end, she was the last pony to stay awake.

Moondancer grabbed a book from the shelf, read the the title, then put it in the big heap of books that laid by her side. Many of them had caught her attention, but she wasn't going to stop to learn a new spell or to read about Mage Meadowbrook's rumored ninth artifact. If she kept doing her work, she'd have time to read later. If she stopped, she would never read a book again in her life. Her priorities were established.

She threw another book away, and this time it wasn't followed by the almost imperceptible sound of its cover meeting the pile but by a loud, whiny yelp. A recognisable yelp, as she had heard it a few times the last hours. "Sunburst?"

Sunburst's head peeked from behind the book pile. "Yes?"

"Oh, did I wake you up?" Moondancer levitated the book from Sunburst's head and put it on the pile. "Sorry," she said, smiling sheepishly.

"Don't worry, I wasn't sleeping." He walked towards Moondancer and sat next to her. "Have you found anything interesting?"

"Hm?" She looked at the books. "Oh, I haven't read any of them. I just want to find Gusty the Ghost soon so we can finish this whole affair."

"Really?" Sunburst grabbed a book and used his cloak to clean its cover. "'Mystical Mysteries and Marvelous Minds of Magic IV'..." he opened it and went straight to the index. "Fascinating! I have read every book in the Canterlot library once or twice, but I don't remember ever reading about any of the spells included here!"

"Ha! As if that was possible!" said Moondancer, skeptical.

"It is possible!"

"Really? I haven't even read half of the books in the Canterlot Library and you expect me to believe that not only have you read all of them, but you also memorized the spells inside them?"

Sunburst looked at her scowling, magic wasn't something to kid about. "Do you think I would lie about something like this?" He stood up and inspected the books from the heap. He picked a rather outdated version of a spell compilation he had studied before and, after taking a brief look at the index, he handed it to Moondancer. "Here, ask anything."

Moondancer arched an eyebrow, opened the book in a random page and read, "Rockhoof's Robbery".

"Page 78," Sunburst replied confidently.

Moondancer blinked twice, incredulous. He's correct! "Fine, that was an easy one. How about..." she looked through the pages, "Spacium Flexibus?"

"Page 154."

"Wooly Wonder?"

"43."

"Honey Homage?"

"Nice try, you made that one up!"

Giggle, giggle, snort. "I can't believe it! NOW I know why I never saw you at magic school!"

Sunburst's glasses slipped. "Y-you do?"

"Of course! There's no doubt a brilliant unicorn like you would surpass the rest of the students! The princess let you graduate before everypony else, didn't she?"

"She let... Uh." Sunburst couldn't help a soft chuckle from escaping his lips. What an assumption! What a precipitated, far-fetched, ridiculous assumption!

"I'm wrong?"

"Oh, you have no idea..." Sunburst took his glasses off and cleaned them.

Moondancer was confused. For a moment, she thought she saw tears in Sunburst's eyes. Tears of joy, maybe? Nostalgia? Worried, she couldn't say anything other than the obvious question, "Are you alright?"

Sunburst looked at the empty bookshelves in front of him. "It's surprising how you could search through all these books without getting distracted, I would have forgotten my objective at the first interesting read. Such an ability to focus is characteristic of a high-level unicorn. I wouldn't say you're as powerful as Twilight Sparkle, but maybe... medium high?"

"Yes?" Is he trying to change the topic?

Sunburst looked down, grinning. "My level is... basic to medium."

"You've got to be kidding."

"I wish I was..." he put his glasses back on. "You're kinda right. I left magic school before I should have, but not because I was better than anypony else. I left because I couldn't keep up. I can memorize any spell within a few seconds, but when it comes to casting..." he sighed. "I dropped out."

"Su-Sunburst, I didn't know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just assumed that..." Moondancer hid her face in her sweater in shame.

"Hey now, it's okay, don't worry!" Sunburst held Moondancer's chin with his hoof and smiled at her in an attempt to comfort her. "It doesn't matter, I'm learning to get over that. After all, it's not my biggest mistake, is it?"

Moondancer fiddled with her hooves. "I just thought..."

"Yeah, I tend to give that impression for some reason," he joked, holding up a part of his cloak and accidentally revealing his cutie mark to Moondancer.

Moondancer looked at Sunburst's cutie mark. That cutie mark, it's the kind of symbol one would expect from a unicorn talented at magic. But if that's not his special talent... Wait a minute. "It's... impressive!" She jumped up and ran towards a blackboard, picked up the chalk and started scribbling.

Sunburst followed Moondancer, curious at her sudden change of behavior. "What's impressive?"

"You know, a pony's magic is not unlimited, not even that of a unicorn."

He followed the chalk with his eyes. "Yes, and...?"

"Well, it's restringed to the individual's especial talent. Thus, a unicorn talented in carpentery will know how to use a few spells related to it, like making small seeds grow fast or shaping branches into funny forms. Even when a unicorn's talent is magic, the possibilities aren't limitless! A balance is needed..." she drew two circles overlapping each other, one with the word "Theory" inside it, and the other "Practice", "...between both the study AND the practice of magic. But YOU" – she drew a sort of sloppy version of Sunburst inside the first circle – "can learn any spell you want in detail! You are talented in the study of magic theory, and as a result..."

Sunburst walked closer to the board. "...I'm untalented in the practice of it...!"

"You're as talented as a full-grown unicorn with no special talent!" complemented Moondancer enthusiastically. "Uh, no offense."

Sunburst giggled. "Not taken. Moondancer, this is brilliant! I would have never thought about it like this, I was too busy thinking..."

"...that there was something wrong with you?"

"Exactly!"

Moondancer looked down at her hooves, smilling. "I know what it's like. But, you know... Even if you didn't have some cool ability to 'pay up' for that... there's nothing wrong with you. I think you're perfect."

Sunburst felt his heart skip a beat.

"Uh–" Moondancer scratched the back of her head. "That's a weird thing to say to a pony you just met, isn't it?"

"Kinda," replied Sunburst.

Once again, silence took over the two unicorn's conversation. Their eyes met for a moment, but they quickly looked away. Staring at ponies' eyes was hard.

"Uh, sorry," said Moondancer, walking away. "I need to keep working. No time to rest!"

"Oh, right..." Sunburst snickered. "I destroyed Equestria. I forgot."

Moondancer levitated one more book and read the title. And again. And again. She stared absent-mindedly at the cover, thinking about anything but the mission.

Sunburst noticed that something was plaguing her mind, and so he asked, "Uh... Moondancer, I, uh... When you said you knew what it's like to feel like there's something wrong with you... What did you mean?"

"I'm... not sure I wanna talk about that," she replied, placing the book in the heap.

Sunburst rised an eyebrow. "You mentioned it, that means you wanna talk about it."

Moondancer grinned, defeated. "Okay, you got me."

Sunburst sat down and leaned back over the pile of books, smiling triumphant. "I knew it." He patted the floor, telling Moondancer to sit beside him.

Moondancer obeyed. "Okay," she said, and inspired deeply.

"Ever since I was a child, I always felt... weird. Like, you know, the usual kind of weird."

"The school outcast kind."

"Yes! So, the first years of school I was just fine, but as time went by, yes, I turned into an outcast. I just thought there was something wrong with me because I would rather stay home reading than going out and make friends... Also, it didn't help that the foals at magic school can be... cruel.

"But I did have a group of friends who were nice to me, and there was one pony that I really wanted to be friends with..." Moondancer looked at the ceiling, as if she could see her memories up there. "But that didn't go so well. I ended up getting convinced that nopony would ever want to be my friend."

"I'D LOVE TO BE YOUR FRIEND!" exclaimed Sunburst. "Uh, ah, I mean–"

Moondancer smiled. "Me too."

A sudden movement from the book pile took Sunburst by surprise. He jumped up and into Moondancer's forelegs, and both friends watched atemorized as a pony emerged from within the books.

"W-who is that?" asked Sunburst, holding Moondancer's neck tight.

But the answer to his question went clear under Moondancer's magic's light, and it was quite anticlimactic. Lightning Dust, who apparently was sleeping under all the books, walked towards Moondancer and Sunburst, clearly annoyed. "Could Romeo and Juliet please shut up and let me sleep?"