Starting from Scratch

You tap a finger against the steering wheel, trying to chase the quiet beat emanating from your radio. The distraction isn't particularly effective as the air grows thicker by the second. You silently yearn for the jovial atmosphere that danced in your memory from the ride over, but you know there's something much more pressing on both of your minds now. Your eyes occasionally glance over to the clock on the dash, counting the time since the two of you last tangled up in a argument about what's to come. Fifteen minutes... maybe things have eased since then. You let out a long sigh at the growing pit of nervousness in your stomach with each glance over to Vinyl as she stares out the window, the fist on her thigh occasionally clenching in frustration. You let out a defeated sigh; she has to know this is her best option.

You open your mouth to try to let the thoughts flow, thinking it might be better to break the silence, but you stop yourself and settle your eyes back on the endless highway. Watching the thick forest slowly dissipating into the rural towns brought on another layer of despair as you knew you had to bring her back to that awful apartment. Deep in the back of your mind, a selfish part of you screamed to just throw your worries away and try to make it work with Vinyl on getting over there. Living in a car for a while wouldn't be so bad, right? You could probably dodge some debt collectors for a while until you got a steady income stream...

You shake your head and let out another sigh; you know better than that. The thought of ruining her dreams just to be with her made your stomach turn and you banished the thought from your mind. You roll the soreness out of your shoulders and do your best to keep your resolve. This is how it had to be. She is going to be happy and follow her dreams and you... well, you know things would always end up like this anyway. The uneasiness refused to settle at your conclusion as you drew ever closer to that awful apartment. Might as well be a coffin made of misery.

"I know I can figure this out, okay?" Vinyl finally says, clenching her fist again and jerking her head over with that frustrated, determined expression. "I can sell my gear, my van, we can sell your car and find you a job there too."

You shake your head. "Vinyl, even with all that you know it won't be enough to support both of us for more than a month or two at most. I'd have to buy two plane tickets and one is already going to eat through the majority of my savings. If you sell all that we could probably get two, but what then? What if I can't find a job over there? Your starting salary won't support both of us. If things go even slightly wrong we'll both end up homeless before we even get off the ground."

"That's not how it will happen!" she says, her tone raising and her inflection getting sharper. "We'll figure it out, okay?"

"How?"

Vinyl crosses her arms over her chest and clenches her eyes as tightly as she could, making sure reality couldn't seep in. "I don't know, alright? I can figure it out... I always have."

"Vinyl... this is your chance. You ending up at that apartment was going to be the end for your dreams but now it doesn't have to be." You let a few fingers slip off of the steering wheel and let them find a place on Vinyl's shoulder. You do your best to put on a reassuring smile as her eyes finally open to look down to your hand. "This is really great news. Don't let me drag you away from the one thing you've wanted all your life. Everything will get so much better if you just take this opportunity."

"But I might never see you again..." she says, her eyes slowly raising to meet yours, the frustration replaced with an intense sadness that sticks you like a spike of ice right through the heart.

You look away and swallow the lump in your throat, placing your hand back on the wheel. "Well... sometimes you've got to give up a few things chasing a dream," you say, letting your hand fall away as you silently mourn for your own future. "You'll still have my number, you know. We can still talk, and I mean, who knows? Maybe someday soon I'll be able to move out there with you." You have to swallow again as a pang of guilt hit you after that lie. If you couldn't escape before, it's not like it'll be different after this.

A frustrated huff leaves Vinyl's lips. "I guess... I just... ugh." Vinyl taps her finger against her elbow for a moment as her face hardens again. "I can't think about this right now. Can we stop and get some food or something?"

You give her a soft nod. Would probably raise both of your spirits and make sure this topic can finally fade... at least for now. "Yeah, sounds like a good idea."

You pop another fry in your mouth and smile over to Vinyl as she puts the final touches on her dissertation. "...I mean you saw that ending, right? Dude goes all black ops and uses mud to get the drop on him. Predator is by far the most badass Arnold movie and I will not hear any arguments to the contrary."

"I don't know... when it comes to peak eighties action I don't think I could put it anywhere other than Terminator."

Vinyl takes a sip out of her drink before giving you a playfully incredulous glare. "Are you kidding me? I mean the second movie was awesome, don't get me wrong, but peak eighties action? Arnold was the villain the whole time and John Connor wasn't nearly the kind of hero that would define the era."

"Okay, fair. What about Commando then? If we're going to talk about over-the-top action, I'm not sure if you could get any better than that."

Vinyl pursed her lips and looked up to the roof of your car. "I mean... Commando was really good but it didn't have the same kind of gripping, edge-of-your-seat plot that Predator had. I'll give it points for the action, but Predator was definitely the better movie."

You take in a long, deep breath and let out the fear and nervousness you'd been holding in since you left this morning. Even if you're turning down that familiar road to the apartment, you feel better finally getting have some of that banter with her again. "Yeah, I'll give you that one. But we'll see which one comes on cable tonight."

"Well if they're smart they'll play Predator. I haven't seen that one come on the guide in like five days. It's been way too long," she says, waving a fry in the air before chewing on it herself.

"Here's hoping." Your smile starts to fade as you turn down that all-to-familiar road to that horrible apartment. The air between both of you goes silent for a moment as you try to stave off the disappointment of having to go back to that disgusting complex and drive back to work tomorrow. Your mind takes you back to last night by the fire, being deep inside Vinyl and hearing those wonderful moans. The comfort only lasts so long though, once you remember how little time you actually have with her.

"Everything alright, dude?" she asks, breaking you out of your disappointed trance.

"Yeah... yeah. Just thinking about things, I guess."

Vinyl gives a playful nudge to your shoulder. "Sounds like some nerd stuff, dude. We can save the thinking for another day. Tonight lets just have some more fun before we have to do any worrying." Vinyl leans in to give you a sly smile and the jump of her eyebrows. "Gotta pay you back for that awesome oral, you know."

Warmth floods in to wash away the bittersweet feelings as you look back over to her and return the sultry gaze. "Got a few positions I need to try myself. Gotta break the record for how fast I can get you to cum after all."

Vinyl bites her lip and leans in even closer to your face. "Sounds like a good time to me. Good thing we're almost back." A gentle, teasing kiss lands on your cheek before Vinyl leans back to glance towards the apartment. You turn away from her gaze to make the light onto that bumpy road in front of the place, doing your best to push away the desapir that always crept into you at the sight of it.

"Oh my god..." Vinyl lets out as the rooms come into view. You have to blink a few times yourself to see comprehend what was going on. The familiar flash of red and blue filled your vision as you turn into the parking lot. The sight of cop cars swarming a room is an unfortunately common sight around here, but this time it's different.

Typically the cops surround the usual drug dens or doors of violent couples, but this time they're crowded around Vinyl's van, all standing around looking at something that made your heart sink and panic build up in your stomach when you finally see it. The door to Vinyl's apartment is laying in pieces on the concrete walkway, debris and torn wires scattered across the entrance to reveal a dark, barren apartment.

Before you even pull into a parking spot, Vinyl slings her seatbelt off and jumps out of your moving car to sprint over to the scene. The familiar click of the shifter slams into park as you watch her run right into one of the policeman as he wraps her up in a detaining hug before she can run into the room. You jump out of your car, leaving the door wide open as you rush over to see what's going on.

"Hey! Let me through! This is my apartment!" she yells as she struggles against the officer's grip. The man looks over to another officer who gives him a shrug and a nod until he finally releases Vinyl to scamper into the empty room.

"Hey, Bruce," you say in a defeated tone. The officer gives you a familiar greeting using your first name as well.

"Guess we don't need a statement from you this time," he says, slipping a notepad into his back pocket.

"Robbery?" You crane your neck over his shoulder to see Vinyl on her knees crying over little bits and pieces of what used to be her recording equipment. Your heart breaks seeing her crumble under that familiar feeling of this horrible place taking away everything.

"Yep. Looks like electronics and they weren't gentle," he says as he spares a glance back at the mess.

"Damn... damn." You run your fingers through your hair and silently curse the world. "Wouldn't happen to have any leads, would you? She had a bunch of recording and music equipment in there."

Brusce gives a sad shake of his head, but doesn't spare too much emotion. You see him around here way too often for him to care as much anymore. "We can check the music stores if she can give us the makes and models, but you're the only one around here we can get a statement from. If that's what they took you know how it goes," he says, flipping out his notebook and writing something down on it.

"Yeah... probably stripped for parts by now," you say, looking over at Vinyl's weeping form. Your heart sinks as she whimpers and pokes through the broken parts and wires that remained, whispering something you can't make out.

"New girlfriend?" he asks.

"Yeah. We just went out together this weekend," you say, not being able to conjure up much enthusiasm anymore.

"Not a great thing to end it on, but this neighborhood is a little too rough to keep a stash of electronics in. If you can calm her down, might make her feel better to give us some details so we can keep a better eye out for it."

You give him a nod, knowing it's an empty gesture to exchange that information anyway. You survey the carnage as you walk past the officers: little bits of plastic, bolts, screws, colorful wires, and bits of wood are scattered all across the concrete like feathers from an abused bird. Every step you took towards your weeping girlfriend your heart broke for her just a bit more; there was no telling how many years she spent building up her collection and how many tracks and memories she'd poured into her equipment. The dark room contained even more carnage with every piece of furniture flipped over or torn apart in search for more things. Even Vinyl's boxes of clothes, toiletries, and various knick knacks had been shredded and their contents thrown around the room in search of anything valuable. Anyone could be forgiven for thinking a tornado had caused the sheer destruction, but the truth is much more violating.

Vinyl tenses up at your comforting hand on your shoulder. Your heart sinks and you almost start crying with her when you see the fear and sadness on her face. She looks up at you like she just found a loved one dead and is begging whatever deity there might be why they'd done it. Her cheeks are completely tearstained and there are already wet spots on the floor and down her shirt to prove it.

"They... they took everything, man..." she managed to get out before barely holding back another sob.

"Vinyl..."

"I worked for so many years to get this stuff. I spent so much of my life at stupid, menial jobs just working for my dream and now... everything I'd ever earned... gone in one stupid weekend," she says through clenched teeth as another few drops fall off her face.

All you can do is run a comforting hand up and down her back to make sure she knows she's not alone. Guilt builds up in your system as you realize you could've caught it if you'd just stayed. "Vinyl... I'm really sorry. If we'd just—"

Vinyl shakes her head with an intense frustration building up behind her clenched eyelids. "No, dude. This isn't your fault. I should've just put it in a storage building or something when you warned me... God, I'm so stupid." Another round of sobs wrack her body.

You scoot in closer to her and let your other hand lift up her cheek so those beautiful violet eyes are looking up to you again. Your heart cracks again once you see the pain and sadness in her eyes. "Vinyl, this isn't your fault either. There are terrible people and we can't always predict what will happen."

"I could've done something... so many years of work..." she says before her face scrunches up in a grimace for another onslaught of tears.

"Hey, hey... look, it'll be okay. You've got a job lined up where you won't need any of this anymore, right? You said you were going to sell it anyway. Besides once they see how talented you are you'll move up in no time," you say, doing your best to offer a comforting smile, but somehow the pain on her face only worsens.

Vinyl lunges forward to bury herself in your shirt before letting out even louder sobs into your chest. All you can really do is wrap your arms around her and run your fingers through her hair to try to comfort her. You feel an emptiness inside you as you feel her spirit break. You want to scream in anger, to curse the world for doing this to someone else, especially the beautiful, confident girl you helped to move in that night. Vinyl has so much to offer the world and it seems so unnecessarily cruel to take away all her hard work just for not being able to afford a nicer apartment. You don't scream or curse though; your vision blurs and you let out a sigh as Vinyl cries into your shirt, damping the area around her face until you can feel it on your skin.

You knew this would happen eventually. It happens to everyone that moves in here. At least she has a chance to leave while she can now. "You'll be out of here before the week's over, Vinyl. You won't have to worry about this horrible place anymore," you whisper down to her as you stroke her electric blue hair again.

"I don't want to go," she says through her sobs like a frightened child, nuzzling her face even deeper into your chest.

You raise an eyebrow at her. "Vinyl, it's your dream. This is your chance. Maybe this was a sign that you needed to go."

Vinyl shakes her head against your shirt. "I don't want to leave you behind..."

You open your mouth to respond, but the sudden lump in your throat won't allow it. You take in a long, deep breath as you try to sort out your own sadness at letting her go forever. Your eyes scan across the filthy apartment riddled with scraps and realize you going too is even less of an option than it was before. You can only keep stroking her hair as your brain tries to come up with something to make her feel better. "You know... maybe after a couple months I could save up enough for another plane ticket and we could figure something out. I think after saving up enough I could figure something out," you say, trying to put on your best assuring smile through the lie.

Vinyl's sobbing finally slows once you finish. She leans back away from your shirt to catch her breath and wipe her face with her forearm. "You think so?" she asks with a fragile innocence you couldn't bear to crush.

"Yeah. I'll try to make sure it won't be forever. Now, the officers outside might still be able to help us. You just have to tell them the exact model of what was taken and we could still get it back," you say with your best hopeful grin, trying your hardest to find some optimism deep down under all of your own crushed dreams. "Do you think you could help them out with that."

With one last wipe of her face, Vinyl leans back away from you to give you a soft nod. "Yeah... I... I think I can do that."

You get up to your feet and lean down to pull Vinyl up out of the mess as well. She's shaky on her feet, but you grab her by the arms to steady her and give her another reassuring smile. You usher her out to the expecting officers so she can fill out the report. With a newfound fire of determination in your stomach you flip out your phone and start mashing a few buttons. She'll be happy soon—she has to be.

The air is still and awkward as you sat across from Vinyl on your couch. The sound of Lethal Weapon plays out to keep the room from falling to silence for too long, but it doesn't make much of a difference. Every time you glance over at Vinyl, she's got her arms wrapped around her knees, hugging them close to her chest as her eyes vacantly stare down at her feet. The usual rounds of jovial jokes and subtle teasing are completely absent, straining the nervousness building up in your gut. You let out a somber sigh at the emotional devastation playing out in front of you.

You open your mouth to try to say something, but the words get caught in your throat again—just like the last twenty times you've tried to think of something to console her with. Memories of the feeling you know she's going through flood back to you: the excitement at finding such a cheap apartment complex to save money in, the first robbery, the second, the third... mugging after mugging kept you from being able to save much for long and meant you could only keep things nobody else really wanted. Your eyes trace up around the off-white walls and around the various brown stains you've done your best to scrub out.

A hint of frustration builds up inside you at the thought of how many years you've wasted here. You push yourself up off of the couch and take a few steps towards the window, finally drawing Vinyl's eyes. You swipe away the plaid curtains to look out to the familiar parking lot with ire growing in your heart. You lost count of how many hopeless nights you spent looking out at the asphault glistening with broken glass and trash, illuminated by a single, flickering street light on the other side of the road. So many good people turned to drug addicts and criminals within these wall that you couldn't see it as anything other than prison anymore for souls to die in. No one who had moved into these disgusting rooms had ever left in anything other than a body bag and you know deep down that none of them ever will.

Except one.

You flip your phone out and wait for the uncomfortably-long load time to finish bringing up your bank's page. The last of your savings had been transferred to your checking account and it's ready for tomorrow. A stress grips at you as you compare the numbers to the plane ticket you'd picked out for Vinyl; a few more overdue bills probably wouldn't be that big of a deal and you could skip eating for a few days to avoid complete bankruptcy. You slam the clamshell back together and slip it into your pocket with a sullen determination overcoming you. She isn't going to get trapped here like you did—you're going to make sure of that.

The feeling of a hand on your back tears you out of your thoughts with a frightened jump. You look over to see Vinyl slipping her arms around you, her eyes still trained on the floor. She slumps into you and grips you tight as she buries her face into your shirt again. You open your mouth to say something yet again, but surrender to just placing your arms around her yet again.

"Just a few months, right?" she says in a quiet, scared tone like a child wondering when their parent would return.

"Yeah... I can probably figure it out by then," you say with a flat, monotone voice to try to hide your own disappointment. Your eyes glance back out to the parking lot and the thousands of little twinkles of broken glass like fallen stars on the dark pavement. "You just have to get set up over there first."

"We're going to have a good life, huh?" she asks, her voice devoid of hope. A pang of shock hits your heart at the uncomfortable tone. The words felt like the sweet lies of the last goodbye, like high school friends promising they'd see each other again.

"It's going to be great, Vinyl. A huge mansion within a year. Private jets, massive parties, and our own servants," you say, doing your best to inject some hope into your tone, but to no avail. Your fake smile quickly falls away as your mind drifts back to the truth. A few texts here and there on your terrible phone when you actually have the energy for it—which would be almost never—and maybe some calls when you had the minutes. If Vinyl is smart she'll make some new friends quickly at her job and forget about you entirely.

No sound leaves Vinyl's lips at that—all she can really muster is another squeeze with her arms and nuzzling her electric blue hair into your shirt. Your heart sinks when you hear a barely-suppressed whimper coming out of her. She knows the truth, even if neither of you want to say it. These are your last days together and she finally got a real taste of what she's leaving you to.

"You'll be happy you left in no time. I can promise it'll be leagues better than here."

"There's got to be a way..." she whispers, almost begging the world instead of talking to you. Her fingers grip at the back of your shirt to add to the sudden frustration in her voice. "If we sold the van and your car we could..."

"They'll be worth maybe two hundred for scrap, honestly. Even if we could scrape up enough for another plane ticket, you know that'd just make things worse when you get there," you say, running your hands through her hair to try to calm her down.

Vinyl lets out a frustrated groan before falling limp in your grasp. "So... a couple of months then."

You could feel her spirit slipping away in her tone and your heart sank even further at her defeated voice. "Yeah... just a few months."

You let your hands rise up off of her back and lean back to watch them turn her face towards you. Her empty, depressed expression fills you with a similar sadness before her eyes finally meet yours and you see the glisten of new tears at the edges of them. "I'm going to buy the ticket at work tomorrow then call in sick the next day so I can take you. You've got to get out of this place, Vinyl. Whatever's left, I'll take care of, just please promise me you'll do your best to make it work."

"I don't... it's so far away, I'm not sure..." she says, her eyes drifting away from your gaze.

You give her a quick shake to make her look back to you. "Vinyl. Please. For me."

Vinyl finally lets out a defeated sigh before looking back up to you with a gentle nod. "Alright. I... I can make it work."

"Thank you." You plant a quick kiss on the top of her head and hold her close, savoring the feeling of her nuzzled up to you. You let a comforting hand stroke down her back with the other one making its way through her hair, reveling in the feeling of her stiff, stressed body finally melting into your embrace. The wonderful feeling quickly turns bittersweet once you realize this may be the last time you ever get to feel it. "Why don't we go to bed? Some sleep would probably make you feel better."

Vinyl gives a weak smile. "I'm not still on the couch, am I?"

A fatigued chuckle leaves your lips and you lean down to kiss her. "Of course not," you say, slipping your hands around her back and squeezing her up against you again. Vinyl brings her hands back up to your body as well, letting her cheek rest against your shoulder. "Things will get better, Vinyl. I promise."