Starting from Scratch

The familiar beige walls and the endless sea of cubicles around you reflect the unfocused sadness building in your soul. The familiar mechanical whir of the office's printer fills your ears as you watch it finally get to working and emanate the smell of freshly-inked paper. The frustration of spending half an hour trying to get this dumb thing to work finally washes out of you as you see the papers start falling out. The long series of black bars and numbers under the airline company logo doesn't do much to brighten your spirits though. You slip the plane ticket into a manila folder along with all the other documents Vinyl's going to need and it almost feels like hammering in the nails to your own coffin as each paper slides in.

Selfish impulses flash in your mind at the thought of driving her to the airport and saying that last goodbye. Your stomach twists as you turn to walk down the aisle back to your desk; with the papers in hand it's finally real... the realization hits that she's really going to be out of your life forever after tomorrow. Your mind tries to find a way to stop it, to just refund the ticket and tell her the company decided to rescind their job offer or something, but your face hardens in revulsion at the fleeting desire.

As you slip back into that uncomfortable, twenty-year-old office chair you think about the miserable years you've spent at this dead-end job in that rundown apartment: all the nights listening to drug addicts scream and police sirens blare, all the muggings and thefts and break-ins you've put up with, the lost hope and acceptance that this was going to be your life forever until you got miserable enough to... well, you know that's the last thing you ever want for Vinyl. The memory of that joyous smile on her face while you were both pelting each other with candy comes up and clashes with the empty, depressed look on her face when you left her this morning. You resolve that she deserves to be happy, even if you can't be. A pit forms in your stomach at the thought of never feeling the happiness in her presence again, but you know it's for the best.

You lean forward back into the cheap computer to try to get some work done—the last thing you need today is your boss yelling at you again—but you get pulled away again by the feeling of that instrument case against your shoe. You let out a somber sigh at the thought of that viola following you around. Just like Vinyl's gear it's only a matter of time before it ends up stolen as well, but the thought of selling it makes you sick. The thought of Vinyl's wide eyes and curious smile as she watched you play sat like a pristine treasure in your collection of memories and the thought of getting rid of her gift after that isn't a pleasant one. You purse your lips as you look down at the black case, wondering how long you could really carry it around with you before it ended up missing. No matter where you hide it, you know it'll get broken into and for now the only safe place was work, at least until they found out you kept it here or someone snuck by and decided to take it. Wouldn't be the first time. Carrying the viola around with you isn't an option either, since the next time you get mugged it'll be gone.

You lean forward onto your desk and grip both of your hands against your forehead, barely suppressing a frustrated groan. You silently wish for the world to stop turning so tomorrow never had to happen. Those precious moments on the couch watching 80's movies, playing around together in the music store, making an absolute mess in that truck stop, camping... they shine through like a ship of happiness sailing through dark, murky waters. The muddled memories of spending so many years miserable are nothing compared to the last two weeks with her and no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it's for the best your body spits horrible feelings back at you all the same.

The manila folder full of the documents sits there on your desk, taunting you. The hours are constantly ticking down to getting sling-shotted back into misery once her presence disappears forever. Nervousness builds in your stomach like it was your very first soccer game or something all over again. The thought of going back to how things were before you saw that bright smile and electric-blue hair sent a jolt of fear through your body and the selfish impulses rushed through stronger than ever.

You shake your head violently to try to send the thoughts flying. A new determination comes over your face as you scoot your chair up to the computer. There has to be something you can do to make your last night together memorable—something in the city both of you could enjoy and remember fondly before it's gone forever. You clench your eyes shut and try to ignore the painful reminder of one of your tabs. The number on your bank's website is already burned into your retinas: seven dollars and forty two cents across all your accounts. The plane ticket was more than you thought it'd be and now it seems like you'll barely be able to cover gas for a ten minute trip into the city.

You grit your teeth and close the bank's tab; you're going to find something to make this last night memorable even if you have to go into the red. She deserves at least one more happy night before you have to say goodbye for what most likely will be forever.

The cover of leaves stretching out above you is a far cry from the concrete hell you're used to. The evening sun just barely peaks through the canopy to present its soft orange glow, filling the car with a comfortable warmth as you pull in and find a parking spot. You instinctually look around to try to see any shady characters before you remember you're actually at the nicer end of the city where more of the rich people actually lived. Won't have to worry about getting mugged until you get back home.

"What is this place?" Vinyl asks, poking her head around and trying to look across the decorative metal fence in front of you to see over the grassy hill.

"A park. Nothing fancy, but I figured a walk in some actually fresh air might do us both some good." You do your best to put on a smile as you look over to her, but she doesn't seem to want to give you her usual mirror.

"Yeah, couldn't hurt," she says without much emotion.

You both unbuckle your seatbelts and climb out of your car, taking a moment to enjoy the smogless air as you pull in a long, deep breath and smell the vegetation around you. It's not often you get to smell something other than spilled beer and mildew, so it's a very welcome change.

Vinyl waits for you on the other side of the car and the forlorn look she gives you almost breaks your heart on the spot. You can see the deep melancholy in her eyes, an image you've had to see in the mirror more times than you'd ever care to admit. As you walk up onto the sidewalk you offer her a forced smile and an outstretched hand. She reaches forward to let her fingers intertwine with yours and the world gets a little less dreary for both of you as you embrace the feeling.

"You all packed up?" you ask as you lead her through the gate and into the sprawling green meadow.

Her expression hardens for a moment before she lets out a frustrated sigh. "Yeah... everything I have left anyway."

You can feel her fingers squeeze you a little harder as her face tries to decide which flavor of upset she'd prefer. You purse your lips, trying to find something that might be able to console her but your mind draws a blank. All you can do is lead her into the lush landscape of the high-end park, letting the finely-manicured scenery distract from the impending depression both of you are about to endure. You tenderly caress your thumb across the pale skin of her hand, savoring the moment while you still have it.

"There's happiness around the corner. This is just the first step," You say, giving her hand a light squeeze back. "I know things seem bad right now, but before too long it'll just be a distant memory and you can get on with your life."

Vinyl purses her lips as well as she slows to a stop to look out over a pond. A group of ducks dip their beaks into the water and flick it back over themselves before poking through their feathers. Vinyl's eyes lock in on them for a moment before she finally glances back over to you.

"Is that really what you want?" she asks as her eyes settle back on the animals.

"To be a duck? I mean, it'd be kind of rad but I don't think it'd be my first choice."

Vinyl lets out a quick chuckle before rolling her eyes and shaking her head. "You know that's not what I mean. I was asking if you... being here... if all that you'd want to just be a distant memory as I moved on."

"It's for the best, don't you think?" It's your turn to look out to the pond with a forlorn sigh.

"Dude, you know that's not what I think. I want us to be together. To hell with some stupid job. There will be a million more in the future." You can see the frustration building up on her face again as she kicks at the sidewalk.

"Vinyl, this is your dream we're talking about. You may never get a chance like this again. Trust me when I say the longer you wait around at that apartment the worse things are going to get. You can't just give this up when it's your chance to finally chase after what you've always wanted."

Those violet eyes turn to you with a furrowed brow. "And what about us? How many more chances are we going to get at finding people we love... er...." An intense blush quickly forms on her face and she looks away into the woods.

Your breath catches in your throat at that word. "Love?"

A frustrated groan leaves her lips. "Yeah, alright? I think I love you... and I don't want to lose that over some stupid job."

Your lips turn up as the butterflies in your stomach fly around. "I, uh... I think I love you too." You shake your head to dispel the sweet feelings, trying to get back on topic. "But you know you can't just give this up. I mean, if it was meant to be we'll find a way eventually, right?"

Vinyl turns to face you gripping your hand and pressing it up against her body. "That's what I'm saying, dude. If these feelings are real then why should I throw them away over some stupid job? I know you don't think it'll last long distance and I'm scared it won't either. Why take the risk? We can figure something else out, I know we can."

"I've thought about it, believe me I have. I don't want to see you go, but I know exactly what's going to happen if you stay. You have to do this, Vinyl. I can't watch you lose everything by staying here with me."

"And what about you, huh?" she says, anger growing on her face. "You think it's just alright by me to watch you end up like that instead? That I'd be perfectly fine leaving you here knowing that you expect to just die never doing anything with your life? What about your dreams, huh? Why are mine so much more important?"

You open your mouth to answer her, but every answer you come up with is more depressing than the last. "I... I found you an opportunity, Vinyl. It isn't my dream but I know you can achieve it. No matter what happens to me, I'll be happy to see you succeed. Please, don't let some spark of passion keep you from the life you deserve."

Vinyl lets her hand slip out yours as she takes a step back. "No, I won't accept it. Either we both go or neither of us does," she says, putting on as stern a look as she can manage.

"I can't return the ticket, Vinyl. I can't afford another one, either. There isn't any backing out anymore unless I lose those few hundred bucks."

"I can sell..." Vinyl trails off, looking over to the side as the realization hits her.

"The flight leaves tomorrow. It's too late for all of that. Let's just enjoy the night, huh?"

Vinyl brings her hands up to her temples and lets out a harsh, frustrated growl. Her fingers tense against her head and you can see the anger building up inside her until it finally snaps and she has to set herself down on the grassy hill overlooking the pond in a huff. She crosses her arms over her knees and looks away from you and you have to keep yourself from laughing as she pouts like a toddler. The unfortunate situation helps a little too much with keeping your amusement at bay.

You slide into the welcoming grass beside her, slipping your hand across her back and pulling her close up to your side. Vinyl eases up at the embrace and lets out a defeated sigh before turning her head to rest her other temple on her forearms so she can look at you.

"Please just tell me there's some way that this can work out," she says, her tone growing more defeated by the second.

You purse your lips and look out over the water. A sweet lie lingers on your lips to soothe her worries, but the last thing you want to do is to drag out the disappointment. "Who knows how things will really end up. Maybe it will work out. I could ask my boss for a raise and try to apply for good jobs around yours. Maybe I'll have enough to move after a couple of months."

It's Vinyl's turn to look wistfully out over the water, her eyes lingering on the ducks as they slowly swim around each other. An uncomfortable silence grows between you and you look over to see what's going through her mind. She finally closes her eyes and takes in a long, deep breath before letting out a defeated sigh.

"We'll find some way. I know we will. This can't be it." Vinyl squeezes her knees tighter, frustration seizing her face.

"Would it really be so bad if it was? I mean, this has been really wonderful and we'll always have the memories, but it hasn't been that long since we've first met. It could've been worse, right?"

Vinyl flashes an irritated glare over at you, cracking your demeanor letting uncertainty grow on your face.

"Doesn't really help."

"Yeah... I... this is just the best option for you right now."

A tired smile crosses Vinyl's face and you have to study her for a moment to see where it's coming from. "You know, I'd been thinking a lot about the other night. You know, when you played your viola for me? I want to show you something."

You raise an eyebrow as Vinyl pulls her phone out of her pocket and taps it a few times. Before you can ask her, the sweet melody of your viola fills the air. You smile once you remember looking down and chastising Vinyl for being on her phone. Clever girl. You have to blink in surprise once you hear the beat behind it though. The melody changes and loops around with various samples that you'd given her, producing a smooth, relaxing hip-hop sound with Vinyl's touch and your mediocre playing.

"You... you made that?" you ask, an incredulous look plastered on your face.

Vinyl smiles a forlorn, somber kind of smile and looks out over the glistening water. "Yeah... I was going to make more, and it would've sounded better if I... well, you know. This is the best I could do with my phone."

You blink in surprise a few more times. "With... your phone? You can't be serious. That sounded, well, professional! Seriously, Vinyl, that was amazing."

Instead of beaming at the compliment, Vinyl doesn't take her eyes off of the horizon. "I had so many ideas for new songs like this. So many new sounds to try and new beats to mix. I could make a dozen albums with all the ideas I had, but..."

You can only raise any eyebrow. "What's stopping you from... oh, right." You look down at the grass and purse your lips. "Well, you can always find samples elsewhere or maybe someone else that could play for you. You don't need me to make that."

A short burst of air leaves Vinyl's nose. "I don't mean to be a dick, but... that's not how music—great music—works."

"What do you mean?"

"We all kind of know it deep down when we hear that lame, lifeless, mainstream crap. It's a product, for cash, not because those musicians are passionate about their stuff. They make it because it makes their company money, but real music? We both know it's different. It's passion given form. If you listen closely you can hear that person's soul on the other side of it. Music gives us a way to express ourselves that words never could and this?" she says, pointing to her phone as it continues to play. "This is us, dude. This could be our future. Everything we've gone through can finally have a voice. All the love, all the anger, all the sadness, everything we've got could make really awesome music."

It's your turn to adopt that wistful smile. "That's a nice thought, Vinyl... but you can't just throw your other opportunity away. It's the safer bet."

"And who has ever made their masterpiece banking on the safer bet? Who ever achieved their dreams doing what was safe and boring?" she says, turning to you with a passion and fury in her eye.

"Plenty of people, I'm sure." You let out a long, slow breath as you felt the intensity coming off of her. This had to end before it got too far. "Look, there's no point in arguing anymore. There is no way to refund the plane ticket. I've already sent an email to the company and they've even told me you could get an advance if you make it there on time. Everything is set up, Vinyl. You can't just back out now."

A harsh growl emanates from her as she plants her chin back on her knees. You let out a sigh as you watch her face melt from her hot fury to a sullen disappointment. You squeeze her up against you, leaning over to plant a loving kiss on the side of her head. "It'll be okay. Things will work out for you, Vinyl. Just give it a chance. Your dream is waiting."

Another somber breath leaves her mouth before she leans into you. "When I first heard those notes in the mix, I knew deep down this was it. This was what was going to get us both out of this hell and to a better life. I could feel it in my heart and just saying yes... it feels like abandoning that. I can't..."

"It might not be, you know. Maybe things will work out alright. For both of us."

Vinyl pulls up and away from you, planting her hands in the grass and looking you directly in the eye. "You have to promise me."

"Promise what?"

"Promise me you won't give up hope. That all that shit you told me about saving up again to move out there with me wasn't a lie. Promise me you'll do your best to make this dream, our dream a reality."

Your breath catches in your throat before you can answer. You don't want to lie to her and say you'll think it'll work out, but as you look at the passion and determination in her eye, you can't bear the idea of crushing her either. Finally you take in a deep breath and try to maintain eye contact. "I'll... I'll try. I can't promise it'll work out, but I guess it's not like I want to end up there forever either. I mean, if we can get you out then I might not be stuck there either, right?" you ask with a sheepish smile, knowing that thought pretty much was a lie.

Vinyl gives you a solemn nod before looking back over to you. "Alright. Guess that'll have to work."

She settles back next to you, letting her hand rest on top of yours until you turn it over to let your fingers interlock again. You both sit there for longer than you'd care to measure, both knowing there's a maelstrom going on in your minds. Worry and doubt fills the air over the uncertain future, but to her credit, Vinyl still manages to give her best confident smile for the situation.

"It will work out," she whispers to herself. "When we're both famous, we're coming back here and we're going to own this city. Bulldoze that stupid apartment and buy a condo right there," she says, pointing up to one of the skyscrapers on the horizon. You follow her finger and let out an amused laugh.

"That's a bank, Vinyl."

She shoots you a quick glare before adjusting her finger to the next building. "Okay, that one."

"That's filled with office space."

She lets out a quick, annoyed grunt before pointing to the next one. "Fine, there."

"Corporate headquarters."

Vinyl leans over and gives you a playful shove. "Would you stop crushing my fantasy? We're going to live in a skyscraper and that's the end of that." She says with an amused shake of her head. "Right next to a park, just like this."

You take in another deep breath of the fresh air, letting your mind dance in the fantasy with her for a moment. "It is a nice thought."

"Gonna be a nice reality."

You both sit there for another long, silent moment, this time without the stress of all the worry and doubt hanging over you. You know none of the positivity will last, but one last night, her hand in yours and watching the sunset? That sounded good enough to ignore the future for now.

Vinyl finally breaks the silence once the dim orange glow on the lake starts to disappear. "Well, I'm starved. Want to get something to eat?"

You can't help but cringe at the thought of having to pay for something. "I uh... I only have like seven bucks left in my account."

Another quick laugh erupts out of her. "Wow, dude. I was actually going to pay anyway. How about some Italian? I know a great place not too far from here."

You shake your head. "Vinyl, you don't have to spend that money on—"

"No. No fighting me on this one. We're going to eat and that's that. Besides, we still haven't had a real dinner date yet and we should probably cross that one off the list before I leave," she says as she pulls herself up out of the grass, wiping the dirt off of her ass before extending a hand down to you with an eager smile.

You return the grin and grab her hand. One last happy night sounded good to you. "Fine then. Let's do it."

The air is tense and silent as you turn into the main entrance for the airport. You look over at Vinyl to see her staring down at the dashboard, a mixture of anger and sadness on her face. You let out a sigh as you think back to the wonderful time you both had last night: an amazing dinner full of jokes and laughs where you couldn't care less about all the snooty people staring at you both, then some equally amazing sex that lasted well into the night. A smile grows on your face at the thought of you being the one to keep the neighbors up for once. That grin quickly fades as you consider it might've been a bad idea to give Vinyl such a great night to leave on. She was already hesitant to leave because of you and that probably didn't help.

You almost let out a grunt of frustration as the silence starts getting to you. You want to explain again how this is a good thing and how she's making the right choice, but you know all you'll get are arguments again. You shake your head, rationalizing that it won't matter as soon as she gets on that plane. She'll be happier, you know it.

A sinking feeling forms in your chest despite the logical thinking. You can see the main building of the airport coming into view and your heart speeds up as the moment you've been dreading all night inches closer. Your stomach twists with nervous anticipation and your feelings scream at you to turn the car around and tell Vinyl you're not going through with this. You can already see the elated smile on her face as you grip the wheel as tight as you can, but you shake your head; she has to do this.

Preemptive sadness starts washing over your entire form. You can't think of anything but her sweet smile from last night. Somehow, that smile was different than before. You'd seen her content smile while you were both cuddling naked under the sheets, but last night it was... wistful, thankful even. She wasn't huge on pillow talk, just judging by the few times you've already had, but last night was especially quiet as she cuddled up to your chest. You could tell she knew. As much as you'd like to live in the fantasy right now that you could somehow scrape up enough to make a life with her out there... she knew. Seems almost like she was doing her best to enjoy the last intimate moment.

You take in a deep breath to try to stem the tide of emotion slowly gripping you. You open your mouth again to say something, but can't manage to bring up anything helpful. You grind your teeth in the frustration and try to keep your eyes on the road. Just have to drop her off and it'll be done, you tell yourself. She'll be happy.

The terminal slowly inches closer and closer, like an obelisk looming over you that will surely curse you with misery. You look over at Vinyl one last time as she stares out the window. Your fists clench around the wheel as you realize this would probably be the last memory you ever leave her with. You shake your head; not like this.

In one swift motion, you lean over to grab her hand. She's cold and you can almost feel her shaking already. She looks over at you with surprise on her face for a moment before her expression softens and her fingers give you a light squeeze in return.

You look into those beautiful violet eyes and let another deep breath relax you. "Things will turn out okay, Vinyl. I know they will," you say with a comforting squeeze of your own.

You smile over to her, expecting a sarcastic quip or a word of doubt, but all she can give you is a weak smile. Her dejected spirit only makes your heart sink even more.

"It'll be just like you said, alright? We can talk every night if I'm not working overtime. I can work my phone plan around and we'll hardly skip a beat," you say, almost trying to convince yourself more than her.

You have to purse your lips and look away as Vinyl remains silent. Every second you don't get to hear her voice with its usual confident, joyous tone hurts and makes you want to call this whole thing off again, but you do your best to stay strong for her.

A disappointed sigh escapes your lips as you pull up to the curb. Last stop. This is it. You have to let go of Vinyl's hand to put your car in park, but breaking away that contact feels like severing something vital inside you, like ripping apart an emotional tendon. You have to pause for a moment with your other hand on the door handle. Your mind flashes back to yesterday, screaming at you to reconsider her words. Images of all those years you spent in that terrible apartment pop up in your mind and contrast with the last few weeks with her. You shake your head; you can't be selfish about this—you know how things will end up for her otherwise.

With a dull clunk you force the trunk open and get out of the car, getting Vinyl's meager luggage for her as she stares up at the massive glass building with uneasy eyes.

"Alright, I've got your keys. As soon as that buyer calls me back I can get the money for your van and send it to you."

She shoots you a sheepish grin. "Use it to buy another ticket?"

You can't bear to look at the pain in her eyes once she realized what was coming. You look down to the concrete while you hand her both of her duffel bags. "It won't be enough, Vinyl. Besides, you need some extra cash to get set up down there. After a few nights in the hotel you'll have to get an apartment and what are you going to pay the first month's rent with?"

"Right..." she says, her eyes tracing down to the concrete as well.

You have to hold yourself back from letting out a frustrated grunt at yourself. The words caught in your throat and you can't help but cast scorn onto everything right now. Her goodbye should at least be heartfelt instead of the long, awkward silence you're giving her now. With a shaky gulp, you pull your head back up and look her in the eye again.

"You have no idea how great these last few weeks have been... No matter what happens, I'll always love you, Vinyl," you say, giving her your best reassuring smile.

Before you know it, you hear both of her bags fall against the ground with a soft whoosh. Both of her arms wrap around you like vices and you can hear her biting back a sob as she buries herself in your chest. You have to blink a few times in surprise before you ease your arms around her as well.

A few fingers start stroking through their hair. Might help her. "Vinyl... Things will be... you'll be okay. No matter what happens, things are going to look up from here, I promise."

You can feel her squeeze you even tighter. "This is a really dumb idea," she says once she looks up from your jacket, tears streaming down her face.

Your expression turns stern again and you shake your head. "It's not a dumb idea. It's a bright future for you."

Your heart sinks as she clenches her eyes shut and shakes her head right back at you. You can tell she's biting back a passionate response, but finally looks back into your eyes with a sad, pleading expression that only makes you feel worse.

"Dude, just say the word right now. I'll find a way to get your money back and we can figure this out. Please, please just tell me you know this doesn't feel right too. Please tell me this isn't worth it."

Your mouth can't help but hang open again. With her here in your arms, giving you that face and desperately asking you to say, you almost automatically let out a yes. You have to let your gaze fall away and your expression turn deadpan. Better to be smart and miserable than a passionate fool.

"You have to do this, Vinyl."

Vinyl grimaces before taking in a few more deep breaths to try to hold back the tears. She gives you one last solemn nod before looking back up to you. "Right..." in a flash, her hands move up to your head and she pulls you down for a long, passionate kiss. The softness of her lips, the gentle, warm caress of her tongue, and the feeling of her body pressed up against you... it all feels... special now at least. The warmth she radiates into your heart has a tinge of bittersweet, knowing that this is going to be the last time.

She finally breaks away and reluctantly slips out of the hug to lean down and pick up her bags. "We will see each other again. That's a promise," she says, wiping her face with her sleeve and shooting you a determined glare.

With a weak nod and a tired smile, you can feel the life draining out of you as she inches closer to that glass door. "I hope so. Goodbye, Vinyl."

"This isn't goodbye... just..." With both bags in hand, she leans forward yet again to steal one last kiss. "Until next time."

Another tear traces its way down her cheek and she finally does you both a favor by turning and marching towards the entrance. As the sliding glass doors finally close behind her, you stop bothering to hold the lump in your stomach back. Tears form at the edges of your vision and you have to grit your teeth at the pain of that goodbye. Feels like stepping into a coffin as you shut the trunk and get back into your junker to drive away, but you do your best to hold on to that last little piece of solace you have as Vinyl's journey away from you begins.

She's going to have a good life now, at least.

There's a chill in the air. You lean over the railing in front of your apartment and ignore the bite of the cold metal under your forearms. Vinyl's dull red van rests beneath you, haunting you with memories of first hearing her struggle down there and doing your best to help her move in before you both got robbed. A somber smile crosses your face as you live in the memory for a few more moments, not caring about the potential mugging you'd run into just standing out here. You can't bring yourself to care anymore and it's not like you'd have anything to give them anyway.

You don't know how long you've just been sitting there, staring out at that decrepit parking lot, but you can't bring yourself to turn around and head into that apartment without her. You know you'll have to eventually, but it feels better just to sit there, doing your best to relive the past. The snow cone stand, the cheesy 80's movies, making fun of your landlord, and putting your bed to proper use with her... they all managed to put a smile back on your face, if even for a moment.

You clench your fists and grit your teeth as your mind whispers to you about the future. You try to remember that beautiful song Vinyl made to distract yourself, but it was inevitable. Things here... they seemed almost bearable with that beautiful laugh and those gorgeous violet eyes in your life. Now? You almost want tonight to be the night for a mugging gone wrong or a sudden meth lab explosion. You let out a sigh and look over the broken glass glistening on the asphalt in the afternoon sun. Everyone ended up throwing it all onto the blacktop eventually to let it shatter and you won't be any different. At the very least you could be content knowing that Vinyl wouldn't be another sad addition to the endless sea of broken dreams. You resign to holding onto that—that if you did nothing else in life, you could at least be proud to know you set her on her way.

As the last of your emotions drain out into that depressive emptiness, you decide it's finally time. You at least have the memories, you tell yourself as you put your hand on that rusty knob. Somehow, none of the justifications really help. You know exactly what you're walking back into, but it was always going to be your fate anyway. With one more twist of your wrist you reveal those familiar walls of your prison. That run-down one bedroom hole in the wall. All those years of trying to make the best of it, but now it'll always be lacking the one thing that would actually make it bearable. Now it'll always be a room without love or hope or happiness—without Vinyl.